Chapter 5

Two weeks ago

Allan rolled off the woman panting heavily underneath him and laid on his side, head propped up in his elbow, to look over at her. Her eyes were the same shade of brown as Djaq's, but the shape was all wrong, her lips were much too thin and her cheekbones far too sharp, but it was as close as he was ever like to get.

And her hair...Allan thought with disappointment. At first it was nice to pretend he was with a more feminine version of Djaq. Saffiya...He thought as he remembered her real name. This could be what she looked like before she took on her brother's persona. It could be what she'd look like in the future, someday when their outlaw days are over and the war is ended. It was enough for Allan at first, but now it was just one more feature that didn't match up to the features of the woman he'd realized he was in love with too late. But he had an idea of how to fix the problem…

"Have you ever gotten any strange requests from a man?" Allan started nervously.

"Of course. All the time." She answered as she stretched out her arms. "Everyone has some kind of weird desire or fantasy. I'm guessing you have one you want to tell me about?"

"Has anyone ever...have they ever asked you to pretend to be someone else?"

"Plenty of times. 'Can you dress up as a nun? Can you pretend I'm a lord and you're a serving girl I'm forcing into bed? Can we pretend I'm the jailer and you're the prisoner trying to bribe me to let you go?' I even had one ask me to wear his own mother's dress and he called me mommy the whole time while he sucked on my breasts. Nothing surprises me anymore." Allan nearly felt sick at hearing the last example.

"So? What's this secret fantasy of yours that you're afraid to share? Let me guess. You're the physician giving me an exam and I'm the naive, young patient who doesn't realize you're taking advantage of me and touching me in all the wrong places. Had that one before too." Allan had to smirk at that.

"Something like that. 'Cept you'd be the physician."

"That's new." She remarked.

"And not just any physician, one in particular. One I used to know. An old friend of mine."

"Just a friend?"

"Unfortunately." Allan said. "I want you to dress up as her. I can have the clothes made for you."

"A woman physician? What was she, a midwife?" Allan thought about Djaq struggling to deliver the baby on his last day in the gang.

"Something like that." He answered. "You look like her. If you had the right clothes, it'd be hard to tell you apart. There's one more thing though…"

"What's that?"

"Would you be willing to cut your hair?" He asked nervously.

"Cut my hair?" She asked with surprise. "That's gonna be extra, you know. How short?"

"Short."

"How short?"

Allan prepared to get shot down as he gestured up to his own head. "Not much longer than mine." She laughed in his face.

"Well, I'm not being funny," she mocked his catchphrase that she'd become very familiar with over the past week, "but if I do that, you're going to be the only one interested in me. I can't afford to live on only sleeping with one man. That's a no, by the way."

"I'm not bein' funny, but what if you could?"

"How?"

"I make enough. I'm Giz's right hand man now. I can afford it. Name your price." She stared at him in wonder.

"Who was this woman? What's her name?" She asked.

He hesitated answering, but he knew if he was ever going to bring this fantasy to life, he'd have to tell her eventually. He'd be calling her it soon enough if all went according to plan.

"Djaq." He said finally.

"Jack?" She asked incredulously. "Oh, now it all makes sense. No wonder 'she' has such short hair. A woman physician, indeed. Now I know why you like doing it with me bent over so much. Imagining you're hitting the other hole, am I right? You know, if that's what you wanted, all you had to do is ask. But there are boys you can pay for this, why me?"

"What? No! Whoa, whoa, no. You've got it all wrong. She's a real woman, I swear!"

"Uh huh. Sure she is. You can be honest with me, Allan. I don't judge."

"I am bein' honest! She's a woman. She used to pretend to be a man, but she's a woman."

"Well, she certainly sounds intriguing. So you want to call me Jack and have me cut my hair and dress up like her? I hope you realize that this is going to cost you quite a lot."

I just hope it's worth it.

Present Day

"Well, I hope it was worth it...whatever you did. Look at this mess we're in now!" Much shrieked out as he helped John tie an unconscious Robin to another wooden beam. "Half the gang's tied up!"

"Untie me then." Djaq replied.

"We can't just untie you." Much said.

"Why not? It's obvious Robin's out of his mind." Will argued in her defense.

"True, but we also don't know that he was wrong." Much replied. "He overreacted...certainly overreacted, but he could still be right about her betraying us. If he said to leave her tied up, then we should leave her tied up, at least until we know more."

"You want to leave me tied up just because Robin said so?" Djaq asked. "You were willing to untie Harold because you didn't think he should be tied up like an animal. You barely even knew him! Why am I any different?"

"You're not. I don't want to leave you tied up, but Robin will be angry enough when he wakes up and realizes we've tied him up. I don't see the point in making him any angrier. And if he is right..."

"He's not!" Djaq yelled.

"Yes, well, if he is right, then not only will we have gone against his orders, but you'd be halfway to Allan by the time he comes to and then how will we explain it? Leaving you both tied up is safest for everyone."

"This is ridiculous!" Will exclaimed. "Robin was out of his mind and out of control. Did you see what he did to her?"

"I did, yes." Much answered uncomfortably. "I haven't seen him that angry since he discovered the truth about Gisborne trying to kill the king."

"Yes, and you untied him that day too." Will recalled.

"I won't this time!" Much argued back. "Not after that."

"John?" Will asked for his input. John seemed extremely uncomfortable at being put on the spot and at the entire topic of conversation since Robin returned from his visit to see Marian.

"They both stay tied." John finally declared. Djaq just shook her head in despair.

"Do any of you believe me?" She asked, but was met with uncomfortable silence.

"I do." Will said finally. "I need to believe you aren't capable of this, because if you've been lying to us this whole time, I can't...I wouldn't even know who you are. If it's just your word against Marian's without proof, I believe you. I trust you, Djaq."

"Much?" She asked. He shuffled uncomfortably.

"I believe part of it." He muttered.

"Which part?" She asked.

"I don't believe this nonsense about Gisborne and the guards at all. That was just a conversation she overheard anyway, she could've gotten it wrong. Maybe misheard or misunderstood. I believe you when you said you didn't do it."

"Thank you." She replied honestly. "But Allan? You believe that I was...that I…" She didn't even want to finish the sentence.

"I don't know what to believe when it comes to Allan. Robin was right, you have been defending him. I think you knew he was the traitor before the rest of us."

"I told you. I guessed, I didn't know."

"Well, yes, you said that, but everyone's saying a lot of things lately and they can't all be true." Much answered. "If you did...do that...with Allan, you might as well just admit that part of it. It's not that bad. It's not a betrayal, it's just...I still find it kind of revolting, but it's understandable. We all know you still care about him, though we didn't know you cared for him that much. I think Robin would understand if that's all this was. So if that part is true, just admit it and deny the rest and we can move on from this."

"That part is not true." Djaq answered. "None of it is true. I already said I won't confess to something I never did. Why would you even think that it's true?"

"Well, we all know Allan felt that way about you." Much answered.

Will...and Allan? She thought. Did everyone know but me?

"What are you talking about? What do you mean you all knew? What was that about Will earlier? What is going on?" Djaq demanded to know. "I did not know anything. I didn't know anything and I certainly didn't do anything." Will shifted uncomfortably under her gaze.

"Ah...well…" Much started uncertainly. "Will?"

"Look, the thing is…" Will sighed. "Do you remember when you were captured?"

"Very well, I still have a scar on my arm." They all looked up at her when she said that. They never knew I was hurt, she realized.

"A scar?" Much interrupted.

"From my acid. The sheriff poured it on my arm." Djaq explained.

"You never told us that." Will said softly. "Why didn't you say?"

"It doesn't matter." Djaq replied curtly as she remembered how Robin and Much hadn't even cared to try to rescue her that day.

Will just looked at her sadly. He never knew about the burn, he never knew about the ledger, there was so much that he didn't know and he was starting to have doubts about the rest.

"Well, that day, while you were still in the dungeons, Allan and I both…" He paused, uncertain of how to continue. He was terrified of the reaction he would receive.

"What?" She demanded.

"We both said that we cared for you...as more than just a friend." Will finished, looking down to avoid her gaze.

Djaq looked down too. There was a time when she would have loved to hear that about either one of them, a time when she thought she might share those feelings about them both. She felt it when Allan would flirt with her and tease her, she felt it the day she opened up to him about her brother, and she felt it the day he explained to her how stuck he felt when she pleaded for him to do the right thing. She felt it for Will more and more lately, when they had a chance to go off alone together, gathering honey or herbs, taking long walks in the forest. She'd certainly felt it, but it didn't matter anymore. After the events of today, she was certain that she'd be happy if no one ever looked at her as a woman again. Life was safer that way.

"You barely even knew me then." Djaq said simply. "Neither of you knew what you were talking about. I don't see why everyone is bringing it up now."

"I did know." Will said. "I knew exactly what I was talking about. Djaq, I..."

"No, you didn't." She snapped at him. "And even if you did, it doesn't matter. It will never happen. It never happened with Allan and it never will and the same goes for you too. It doesn't matter how many bags of silver Robin throws at me, my answer is the same."

"I didn't ask Robin to do that and I wouldn't have done anything, I swear. You know that. I didn't even expect him to bring it up."

"I just want to make it clear." She said. "I have only ever been a friend to all of you, including Allan, and that's all I will ever be." She wasn't sure if it was wise to say anything that might alienate Will, who seemed to be her only certain ally in this, but she thought that it was best to avoid giving them any more reasons to view her as a woman.

"It's clear." Will said, heartbroken and humiliated by the whole conversation. "I understand."

"Good." She said, turning her attention away from him. "John? Do you believe me?" He sighed and took a moment to consider his answer.

"I want to." He said. "But I wanted to believe Robin wouldn't do that either and he did."

"He was just angry. He didn't mean…" Much started.

"I don't care what he meant." Djaq interrupted. "He did it." And that was something she could never forget. This morning when she woke up, she had a home and a family. Now, even if they did untie her, she didn't know where she had left to go. All she knew was that the camp no longer felt safe. It wasn't home anymore. Robin took that from her and she could never get it back.