A/N I am really touched by everyones comments. Especially to those lovely Brazilian girls who are reading this with a translator! That's the nicest thing Ive heard :D THank you so much!

Olivia woke up to a note on the bedside table. She yawned and looked at the time. It was after ten in the morning.

"Hi sweetheart, I decided to let you sleep because you really looked peaceful and I know you need it. I texted Fin and told him you're going to be late as you weren't feeling well. Give him a call, he told me to tell you to take the day if you need. I love you, call me when you wake up. Dropped Noah off and Elly at daycare, Trev."

She smiled, putting the note back down, cuddling his pillow close to her. It smelled like him and it didn't matter how much time passed, the smell of him still brought her a deep comfort.

She rolled over and grabbed her phone and with blurry vision, she clicked send on Trevor's contact and closed her eyes again.

"Hi baby," he greeted her warmly. Almost as if she had forgotten, the previous night's events flooded her and she remembered her baby; their baby.

"Hey…" her voice trailed off. He could tell she was still half-asleep and imagined that she was still in bed exactly as she was, trying hard to wake herself up.

She was trying to get a feel for whether or not he was still in a weird place with the news. "Thanks for letting me sleep."

"That's okay, you need to get as much rest as possible. I read up on a list of things that could help with the nausea too, I'll go to the store after work and we can see if any of them help."

Olivia felt a smile spreading across her lips. "Thank you, Trev… for being so sweet, I know you have your reservations."

"Its okay, first and foremost I want to make sure you're okay before anything else…" she was a little disappointed that he didn't add anything else, "I'm not having a late day today," he changed the subject, she knew he was still having a difficult time with the news but it was progress. "Kara doesn't really want me around after what happened yesterday, but I have to go see my sister."

"Are you gonna tell her?" Liv wondered.

"Would you be okay if I did?" he asked.

"Its your news too, Trevor, its your sister, of course its okay," Olivia replied.

"Thanks…" he murmured, "I guess I just want to say, I'm not mad or angry or even upset, I was just really startled last night. I hope you won't hold my reaction against me."

"I don't hold it against you, I blind sighted you, my heart, I'm sorry. I should have at least waited for you to get past losing your good looks from that awful bruise," she tried to joke, wanting to rouse some laughter from his intensity.

It worked.

He laughed, "No, I'm glad you told me. If you kept it from me I'd have been pretty upset and also my complex would have grown."

She laughed with him and it felt good to not have any tension despite both of them needing time to adjust to the news. "K Trev, I'm gonna call Fin and I'll probably just stay in bed for awhile…"

"Good, get as much sleep as you can, honey. I love you okay?"

"I love you too."

"Thanks for coming to meet me Ez," Trevor smiled at his sister. A small case had popped up so he didn't have time to go to her house, but Erika was happy to meet him for lunch at an Italian restaurant they both loved to frequent.

"Free food, as if I'd turn it down. You are paying, right? Cos you know I can't afford it."

Trevor rolled his eyes and laughed. He never ever made her pay. He knew she could afford it now, but still old habits died hard. "Yeah, yeah… sit down before I change my mind."

She tied her hair back and they both surveyed the menu before Erika looked up at Trevor. "What's wrong?" she asked him. She sensed his intensity before he'd said much.

He glanced up, startled by her question. "What? No? Nothing."

She chuckled, staring her brother in the eyes, letting it linger, knowing that he was a bad liar and there was no way he could lie to her. She and her brother were close and even though he wasn't really that much older than her, she couldn't help but slot him in to a fatherly role, but he was also the person who she was able to be her authentic self with.

Erika had struggled with a lot and Trevor had always been there to threaten the boys, beat off the ones who wouldn't leave her alone and to pick up the pieces when she'd heard the news that she wasn't really equipped to deal with so young in her life.

"No, nothing…" he said again, "well actually, there is something but… its not very important right this second," he added with a reassuring smile. "Are you getting the usual?"

"Puttenesca," she informed him with a smile.

"Carbonara for me and … I better see if I can take something home to Liv, she's at home resting today."

"Is she alright? She seemed so exhausted last night and when you got home she was really upset, I could see it."

Trevor nodded. "Yeah, she will be fine, she spoke to her medical friend yesterday. She just needs to rest and listen to her body," he explained as he picked up his phone and texted her Olivia to ask if she wanted something.

"How are you doing?" he asked her, "I feel like since this whole thing has been going on with Helena, I've barely gotten to check in on you and see how you're coping."

"I'm fine Trev," she replied, "but I'd be even better if Mitch would stop calling and leaving me text messages."

"What's he saying?" Trevor asked, instantly feeling irate.

Erika shrugged and rolled her eyes, "I dunno, he's sorry, he understands if I hate him but he has to do right for himself… he doesn't understand that he makes it harder for me by constantly reminding me of what he did."

"Do you want me to tell him to back off?" he asked her with seriousness.

"No," she shook her head, "I care less about it, I'm starting to get over it."

"I didn't like that little shit to start with, I knew he was bad news." Trevor muttered. Erika started to laugh.

"Trev, I could bring home superman himself and you'd still not think he was good enough," she smiled. She didn't mind that he was so protective of her, it was nice to know someone cared.

They both laughed, his way of agreeing with her.

His text chimed and he picked up his phone. He smiled at the message. "Do you know how much I love you right now? The promise of pasta… pick something for me, something you know is good. I love you. I love you. I love you."

He felt his cheeks heat up with a smile that he couldn't contain. "Liv?" Erika pressed.

He nodded. "I've never seen her so excited about pasta," he chuckled. "So tell me how do you like her?"

"I love her. She has a really lovely…" she searched for the word, "presence, I guess, is it weird to say?" she asked, "motherly?"

Trevor grinned. He had a much better relationship with his mother than Erika did. Erika held a lot of resentment and a lot of anger toward her. Trevor had been gone from home long enough to let it go, but the nature of her relationship with her mother was different. She often accused her mother of being passive aggressive and toxic to be around.

"Its exactly that. That's why she's so wonderful at her job."

Erika smiled.

"So, I need to tell you something and after I've told you, you can feel free to tell me if you don't want to hear anything else about it because I'm really mindful of your feelings," he began.

Just as Erika was about to spur him on, the waiter arrived. They quickly ordered and Trevor summoned the courage again.

"So, last night… when I got home and after you left, Olivia told me that she found out she was pregnant while she was with her friend."

"What!" Erika exclaimed. Her face was ashen with shock and Trevor waited for a moment for the same shock that he felt to subside so that he could get a real read for her emotions. "Oh my gosh, Trevor…" she covered her mouth. "That's…." she caught the seriousness on his face. "That's so great," she smiled but her eyes betrayed her and they filled with tears.

He reached over and touched her arm, "I'm sorry," he said quickly, "I didn't want to tell you and upset you."

"No!" she exclaimed, "I'm happy for you! This is so exciting. I'm happy for me too, Olivia doesn't seem like the type that won't let me be an active auntie."

Trevor chuckled, still, feeling bad. When Eloise was born Erika had been so excited and so full of joy about becoming an auntie when she had had so many of her own fertility failures. Helena was quick to quash her excitement and didn't exactly allow her to be involved. Trevor constantly had to push his wife to involve his little sister until eventually Erika took the hint and stopped trying.

It had only been since Trevor and Helena separated that she'd been so actively involved.

"Olivia will be so happy to have you involved…" Trevor replied and he knew it to be true even before he discussed it with Olivia.

"Are you excited? How did you hear the news? Did she tell you with some kind of cutesy announcement?" Erika was grinning at her brother but his face was still humorless save for him assuring her. "Wait, you're not pleased about this?" The smile dropped from her face and suddenly she did feel hurt.

"It's not that," he replied gently. "It's just a lot, Ez," he replied carefully, "I'm still processing… in fact I'm still processing pretty much everything that's been going on," he sighed, "Liv and I just moved in together not long ago, we both just essentially added another child to our family each – I'm working on the toughest case of my life, my ex wife died and Olivia by default just ended up a Mom again – it's a lot."

He glanced at his sister who was taking deep breaths in and out, trying to remain inconspicuous in her anger. The tears spilled and Trevor felt awful. "Sorry, I probably shouldn't have come to you with this until I was fully prepared to be happy."

She shook her head and wiped her tears away with a handkerchief that she'd pulled from her bag. She was probably the only person her age she knew of that carried one, but it was something her mother never let either of them leave home without. "Trevor, what the fuck is wrong with you?" she spat the words at him, instantly angered by his ambivalence.

"Watch your mouth," he replied like she was 14 again. He glanced around, concerned someone may have heard her language.

"Don't parent me," she snapped. She dropped her voice, "Do you realize how blessed you are?" she asked him, "you are incredibly well off, you have the most beautiful daughter in the world, you've just managed to take on the sweetest little boy, you have a woman who I can just tell adores the ground you walk on – who told me last night that you are the love of her life, Trevor," she told him.

Her voice trembled and she tried hard not to cry. He looked away guiltily.

"Sure, Helena just passed and that's awful and I'm sorry for Eloise but holy shit she complicated your life… and then you get the opportunity to not just have two wonderful children but a third…." Erika shook her head. "If you don't realize how lucky you are, how much of a blessing this is—you're an idiot."

"I'm sorry, Ez," he said quietly.

"I told you I couldn't have children," she said, inhaling a deep breath. "Its all I wanted. Do you think I wanted to have to throw my entire life in to studying and work?" she asked him, "that my entire identity is a fucking job that to be quite honest, I'm really neither here nor there about."

A few stray tears fell on to her cheeks. "All I've ever wanted was to be able to have someone who loves me enough to want to have children with me, but I can't have either…. And you don't even know what its like to feel that way, Trevor Langan gets everything and then some and he doesn't even realize how blessed he is."

She wiped her eyes and looked at him and realized his eyes looked like they were welling up too. He always managed to feel her pain. "I'm so sorry, you're absolutely right, I'm being a dick."

"You are being a dick, poor Olivia, she must be holding all of excitement back and you…" she shook her head, disgusted.

He reached for his sisters hand. "I'm so sorry it didn't happen for you, Ez, you deserve it more than anyone else I've ever met. Olivia has a little boy, but she adopted him and I think maybe she'll understand how you feel, its all she ever wanted too."

"No time is ever going to be perfect, Trevor… if you wait for the right time it'll never happen."

He nodded with understanding and suddenly seeing it through his sister's eyes made him realize that he was lucky and he should have been over the moon about it. He and Olivia together managed to get pregnant regardless of the tumultuousness and stress of everything in their life.

"Olivia and I had a fight when she told me," he admitted.

"What? Are you serious? No wonder she looked tired and stressed last night, she probably knew already." Erika looked troubled. "Why did you fight?"

"Cos I was frustrated and…" he sighed, "I don't know, I guess I was angry because I thought we were covered."

"Jeez," she remarked, "so you blamed her?"

He managed to laugh, "well, she did stop taking birth control without discussing it with me."

Erika rose her eyebrow, "surely there's more to that, she doesn't seem like someone who would try to trap, you Trevor."

"Well… yes," he agreed, "she believed she was menopausal and I don't know anything about any of that – she just thought no more menstruating meant no more babies," he felt uncomfortable delving in to that side of things.

"The bottom line is, Trevor, you're going to be a Dad again and this time you won't have someone that will try to shut you out of that experience just on the off chance you might discover their drug problem."

She did have a good point. There had been so many missed opportunities when Eloise was a baby. He didn't get to hold her properly, really ever. In fact, Helena had openly told him that she trusted her mother more than she trusted him. The distrust alone made him second guess his abilities and then he stopped attempting.

"You know, I barely held Eloise until she was able to sit alone and I can't even think of a time where I was able to have some quiet with her and give her a bottle," he reflected back. He looked at his sister and smiled. "You're right… I have been looking at this the wrong way."

"Poor Olivia," she said again.

"Hey we had a fight but I also apologized before we went to sleep and I didn't wake her this morning, I let her sleep in, I took the kids to school and I apologized again when I spoke with her," he added, "And I even researched things I can get for her to help with the nausea."

Erika smiled at him. "Its okay to be worried and anxious about the unknown and the unplanned Trevor, I'm not trying to take that away from you, but you love her so much, I can see that and she really does seem to feel the same, last night when she put Eloise and Noah to bed, Eloise stirred and began to cry and she was so perfect and patient with her... she loves Eloise, I can see that… there is not going to be an issue with a new baby, you both will love that child, the kids will love their new sibling, I will love my neice or nephew," she flashed him a smile. "I'm happy about it."

"I'm happy too at the base of it," he finally admitted, "but you know what I'm like, I like a plan for everything."

Erika smiled, "you can't plan for children, they will break all of your plans in a hot second."

He chuckled and nodded in agreement.

"Okay Auntie Erika," he began as they finished up with lunch, "I need to buy Olivia something – you were right she's probably been holding back any real feelings of joy about this because of my reluctance, so I need to let her know its okay to be happy… what should I buy her?"

Erika grinned at her brother as he finished his beer.

"Balloons, flowers, all of that stuff."

He made a face, "Flowers I'm okay with and I buy her flowers just because… balloons and all that, its not my thing."

They got up and headed to the counter to pay, Trevor had a doggy bag of takeaway pasta for Liv. "Make it your thing," Erika argued with him. "This isn't something that happens every day and it will no doubt be your first and last child together so celebrate it correctly. Send her balloons, flowers, chocolates, a bottle of non alcoholic wine…"

Trevor slung his arm around his sister as his card was scanned and the bill was paid. He kissed her cheek. "I'm sorry this didn't happen for you, you're would have been an incredible mother, I know that for a fact."

She tried not to get emotional, "at least I'll get to be an incredible aunt."

"That is true," he nodded.

"I can't believe this is how small the baby will be…" Trevor remarked holding the tiny onesie in his hands. He showed his sister. "Is this for real? I don't ever remember Eloise being this small, having any clothing this small." He stared in awe, his heart racing as the reality came crashing down.

He was going to be holding a baby this small in his arms. The baby would be formed from both him and Olivia. He felt his eyes growing moist with the thought.

"Yes, Trevor the reason why you don't remember is because you were pushed out of all these experiences. This time you won't be, this is actually going to be a well-rounded shot at parenthood."

He nodded. "Is this cheesy?" he asked.

"Absolutely," Erika smiled at the motif on the onesie. It read, "My Mommy and Daddy love me SO MUCH." "but you have to get it, you say that the flowers and balloons and all of that isn't you, but you know that it is…. Look at you, you spend five minutes in this baby store and you are clucky like a middle-aged empty-nester."

Trevor chuckled and gave her a gentle shove. "Okay, I'll get it… then I'll get all the stuff you said and go home to my most precious."

"Ugh, now you're just being gross," she shoved him back.

Olivia was feeling sorry for herself. She eyed the bath tub and wondered if she should get in. She couldn't handle Trevor's weird attitude toward her pregnancy. It was upsetting to her but she didn't entirely blame him.

She'd received a text from Melinda to check in on her and offering to visit, but more than anything Olivia just wanted to keep resting. Some of it was exhaustion, but the rest of it was probably a little bit of sadness that the event couldn't have been happier.

It was around 2pm when she heard the front door open from the front entrance by the foot of the stairs. She rolled over with her back to the door and closed her eyes. She didn't really feel much like talking to him but was relieved when she didn't hear him immediately coming up to see her.

She felt herself drifting back off to sleep, ignoring the feeling in the pit of her stomach that he was purposely avoiding her.

Trevor tiptoed in to their bedroom and smiled to himself to find Olivia asleep. She was breathing loudly, almost in a snore that he couldn't help but find a little sweet. He made a few trips back and forth, decorating the dresser with the giant bouquet of flowers that he bought and dozens of balloons that he had struggled with, feeling very silly all the way home.

He set down a basket of goodies; chocolates, crackers, cookies and other treats including different things for her to try out for the nausea and on top of it all, the tiny onesie, gift wrapped and tied up with a big ribbon.

He was proud of himself, happy to be able to have a new perspective and hopefully help Olivia come to a better place with it.

He made his way to the bed and slid his shoes off. He laid down beside her and slipped an arm around her. "Liv…" he whispered gently in to her ear. He gave her a little squeeze and kissed her temple. "Wake up…"

"I'm awake," she murmured.

He gently pulled her shoulder, wanting her to turn to him. She sleepily went along with it despite being over-tired and emotional and not in the mood for any negativity or weirdness.

"Have you gotten out of bed today to eat anything?" he wondered, his eyes searching her face with concern. She looked up at him, her eyes bleary and a little puffy. He wondered if she'd been crying. He stroked her face and pressed his lips against hers.

"Just water…" she replied. "I was going to have a bath but I couldn't get myself out of bed."

He kissed her again. "Are you feeling down?" he wondered, stroking his forefingers over the smooth skin of her lightly freckled cheeks.

She shrugged.

He gave her a weak smile knowing that she was saying yes. He felt horrible and guilty knowing that if it was the case, he was a large part of her feeling sad. "I'm sorry," he said softly. "I know I really upset you last night and I never meant to, I was just trying to make sense of it in my head."

"I know, I'm sad but I'm not angry with you, Trevor," she replied, "your questions and reaction was valid, but … I guess I just always hoped when I told someone that I was pregnant that I would be able to feel over the moon and they would be able to feel over the moon."

"The thing is," he began, reaching down to take her hands, "I told you I needed to make sense of it – to process, as shitty as that sounds and I barely slept last night thinking about the pros and cons and then chatting to Erika today… she put things in to perspective for me. I was caught up on the fact that I hadn't planned for this…" he smiled at her, "you know me well enough now to understand that I'm … methodical and I know its annoying, but I have to have things make sense, I have to see things coming… Helena's death threw me… I've only just got my head around it…"

Olivia closed her eyes and took a deep breath. "Trev, this isn't making me feel better."

He laughed in spite of himself and kissed her forehead. "Olivia, the bottom line is… I'm happy," he said, "there are a few reasons for us to be worried about this, but there are endless reasons for us to be happy and to welcome our baby with open arms in to our family."

He let his words sink in. Olivia stared at him, waiting for him to add a but. When it never came she spoke. "Are you sure?"

"Of course I'm sure. I just needed to hash it out with Erika… I would have been happy to talk to you but I was aware that I'd upset you."

"What did Erika say?" Olivia asked.

Trevor chuckled, "she is so excited, Olivia, she loves you so much already and she is absolutely thrilled for us and it was really good to get her thoughts on the matter. I am sure you will get a call from her soon enough." He paused, he could see that locked inside her was the joy that she wanted to share but she was still feeling a little gun-shy.

"Liv, how are you feeling about it now? Take me being a dick out of the equation – is this what you want? Are you happy about this at all?" he asked, wanting to make sure that he wasn't just assuming that she would be happy to have a child.

"I want to be happy, but I'm scared that you're pretending and I don't want you to pretend to want me or this baby out of obligation," she admitted.

He could see the heartbreak cross her face as she struggled to get the words out.

"What?" he was shocked. "Olivia," he said softly, "listen to me… I am happy. I am not pretending. I just needed a minute. I am so overjoyed that I get to wake up next to you and later on I will tell you what my first time fatherhood experience was like up until Helena left me and you'll understand why I am over the absolute moon to be having a baby with you where I'll actually get to be present and involved and you'll trust me enough to want me to help you in equal parts."

He reached down to her belly and placed his hand on it and smiled at her. "I can't wait to watch our baby grow and I can't wait to watch your relationship with Eloise develop and for all of us to get prepared for something that we created together." She covered her hand over his.

"I love you," she said in a whisper.

"I love you too," he replied. "Congratulations, Olivia," he murmured, kissing her lips. "Congratulations to both of us."

She pulled away from him a little self conscious, "I haven't even brushed my teeth today, I'm sorry, I'm disgusting."

He chuckled, "I couldn't tell thankfully," he winked. "Hey… I have a surprise for you… but you need to sit up."

He sat up too and waited for her to ease herself up.

Immediately her eyes were drawn to the bunch of balloons that were reaching for the ceiling. She started to laugh and he was so happy to see the joy fill her expression. "Ohhh look…" her voice trailed off. She got herself up out of the bed to go and examine closer.

Trevor got up too, "And flowers… and some other things…" he smiled. She turned to him, beaming. "Really?" she asked, "are these from you?" she asked him, feeling like he was being sincere after-all.

"Of course they're from me…" he laughed, "Liv, we're going to have a baby together…" he told her as if she was being informed for the first time. "The stuff that we talked about when we were in Connecticut… it's going to happen for both of us."

Finally, Liv was enveloped in a feeling of joy. It veiled her like a cloak and if he had faith that they could do it, she did too. "Thank you for this… wow… the flowers…" she got closer to smell the bouquet and the basket of goodies that she hoped really would quell her nausea.

He picked up the wrapped gift. "Here… this is totally cheesy but… when I picked it up, it all just really hit me and …" he paused, "just open it…"

She went back and sat down on the edge of the bed and opened it, pulling a thread of ribbon until the bow came undone and carefully opened the plain brown wrapping paper.

She pulled out a tiny onesie and unfolded it, holding it up in front of her with a grin. "Oh my goodness…" she murmured beneath her breath. She was amazed by just how big her feelings were. Her reaction felt similar to what Trevor had described. Holding the baby's outfit made it real. "Wow…" she glanced at Trevor who had taken a seat beside him.

"We're actually going to do this, huh?" she asked.

He chuckled nervously and took the onesie from her hands. "Yes, we are going to do this, a little back-to-front, but our relationship is our business and we are on our own time line, not society's. I'm 1000% committed to you. How do you feel about that?"

"I'm 1000% percent in too," she replied. "And the bonus is that I got Eloise out of the deal and I already know I couldn't be without either of you."

"I feel the same about you and Noah and I feel like we are incredibly blessed, Liv, all those other little feelings… theyre just packaging, we can deal with it."

He got up and picked up a bottle of wine. "How about a celebration drink?"

She rose an eyebrow, "I can't drink wine, Trevor, are you crazy?" she laughed.

He chuckled. "I got us some non alcoholic wine."

Olivia laughed at his sweetness. "Let me at least … brush my teeth and put something on that's not pajamas."

"Its okay baby," he said kindly, "you look beautiful as you are, you're having a rest day, you're allowed to stay in your pajamas. I think it's kinda sweet."

She slid her arms around him and gave him a hug. "Thank you for cheering me up, for all of this…" she took the onesie in her hands again. "For being so open to this."

"This is just what a Daddy does," he winked, "he takes care of his family and he always always has an open heart – for his baby mama and his children."

Olivia chuckled. "Okay let's at least go downstairs, I'll meet you down there, I'll brush my teeth."

They sat together on the couch; Trevor supplied her with a box of honey grahams and a glass of non-alcoholic wine.

He put the TV on a music channel so that they could talk. "So what do we need to do first?" he asked.

"Melinda suggested that …12 weeks is probably a good time to get a scan based on my age… there's some risks, I guess but she said that since I'm in good health, we have no reason to really worry too much."

"Okay," Trevor agreed, "what do you need from me? Do you need me to help set appointments? Or .. just make sure I show up?"

Olivia smiled at him. "Just be there… I've not done this before, you have, you know more about what to expect than I do."

"You'd think…" he remarked. He explained about his experiences with Helena from the moment Eloise was conceived up until their split.

"That won't be the case," she smiled, "Noah was what? 10 months when I took him home and let me tell you, if I had someone to palm him off on to while I had a nap sometimes, I would have ran at it."

He chuckled. "I will be that person Liv, I want to do all the things I wanted to do for Eloise but wasn't allowed to."

It was beyond her as to how a wife could push her husband so hard that he gave up altogether. "You weren't allowed to do any of those normal first-time Dad things?" she asked, "that seems so… weird."

"Yeah, it was all Mira, I guess in hindsight she was trying her best to cover up the fact that she was off her face 90% of the time, Mira didn't understand the difference between her daughter being high and sober and I thought it was all done and dusted….but I dunno. I was very naïve at that time. I just figured that she'd fallen in love with Eloise and wanted to be with her all the time."

"I'm sorry…" she murmured taking a small sip of the wine.

"That's okay…" he replied. He didn't want to dwell on it. "So, 12 week scan, we should organize that soon. Are we going to find out the baby's gender?" he asked.

Olivia laughed. "Well, to be entirely truthful, Melinda did make me nervous. It's still so early, this is going to be considered a high-risk pregnancy cos of my age plus my first pregnancy… I'm scared that … well," she didn't want to say the words, "its still early days."

"Oh okay, well… maybe we wait until we're past that … how many weeks?" he asked.

"12 weeks at the earliest."

He nodded, "Okay not that far away. Can we wait til you're starting to show before we tell the kids? They'll need something tangible to prove it, at least Elly will."

Olivia nodded in agreement.

"I have one serious request…" he began and Olivia felt herself go a little rigid. He glanced at her, "I don't think it's too crazy, but … it became an issue in my marriage with Eloise and I don't want it for us."

"Okay?"

"I told you Erika can't have children... she's hard a really hard time. When Helena was pregnant Erika was going through a lot of fertility tests and she was so excited about Eloise and told me if she couldn't have a child, she would be the best auntie… but Helena really just wouldn't let her in and it became an issue right up until we split up and after her partner broke up with her, she took a step back from me and Eloise for a short while… it was too hard for her, and I get it."

"Oh, the poor thing." Olivia breathed, "I can relate to that feeling. Until Noah presented himself to me, I thought it was never going to happen for me and I can't tell you how devastating it was…"

"I just need you to let her be an active aunt… let her help, let her spend time with our baby even when it's scary to let go."

Olivia smiled at him. "Babe, you know how important family is to me and I am so, so happy to gain a sister out of our relationship. It's actually kind of exciting to me to get to be someone's big sister…" she flashed him a smile.

"I knew you'd be this open and loving toward Erika which I am so glad about."

"She is really sweet," Olivia replied, "And I'd be happy to have her as involved as she wants. She can come and stay with us and get up all night with the baby until it's 42 if she wants," she joked.

Trevor laughed and glanced down at her tummy and placed his hand on it again. "When you were in the bathroom last night and I thought you were worried about your weight, you were looking to see if you could see any changes to your belly, weren't you?" he asked.

She nodded with a smile. "I was freaking out and you scared the absolute shit out of me."

He chuckled. "Did you notice any changes?" he wondered.

"Yeah… slightly but it could be as slight as a pot belly," she laughed holding his hand over hers. "Or like, a little bloating from eating too many burgers. Ooh speaking of, what pasta did you get me?" she paused, "you didn't forget did you?"

Trevor laughed, "No of course I didn't forget… I actually ordered a tray of Puttenesca for dinner, I know Noah hates Olives but if we pull them out before I serve it to him, he'll probably eat it, right?"

Olivia grinned at him, "See, you're already learning all the great Dad tricks, you don't take no for an answer, you just get tricky. Blend the vegetables, take out the things before they eat that give the dish flavor… outright lie and tell them that soda from a can is water so they're far less interested." She chuckled.

Trevor laughed too. "I love parenting with you. You're right, I am learning a lot."

"What do you think we'll have, girl or boy?" Olivia asked him with a grin that she couldn't seem to wipe from her face. It was not a conversation she ever expected to have with him and yet it felt right and fun and excited.

He bit his lip to keep from chuckling excitedly at the thought. "I don't know, I think we'll have a boy… I'm already super scared of dealing with Eloise when she hits that age where she starts looking at boys."

Olivia shrugged, "she might surprise you and start looking at girls, either way, you better start reading up on menstruation cycles now, you don't seem to know that much, how are you going to explain that to her?"

"Nooooooo," he shook his head with a laugh, "no, no, no Olivia, you could never expect me to have that conversation with her, it would be awful, for both of us!" she couldn't help but to laugh at him. "You, you have to help me with that, please."

She laughed, "I will have that conversation and I will have it well because there was no one to have that conversation with me when I was a kid and it created way too much confusion."

"Really?" he asked, "Your mom never discussed that with you?"

"No, she was too busy passing out on the couch and drinking herself stupid by the time I was pre-pubescent."

Trevor frowned. Olivia didn't talk often about her upbringing but when she did, she really said a lot with very few words. "Did child services ever get involved in your life?" he wondered.

Olivia thought about it, "just once, but my Mom got very good at hiding her alcoholism when she needed to. I don't know how she did it but she managed to make enough money to send me to Catholic school." Olivia shrugged, "but anyway, my uniform wasn't up to scratch so they called her and she was obviously slurring and having a bad time – one of the nuns there, she had an idea of what was going on from conversations we had and she tried to help as best as she could without involving anyone else. Child services did a home check and my Mom had managed to get herself together and clean up long enough…"

"Do you hate your mother?" he asked, "Erika really does not care for our Mom and I struggle with that."

"I don't hate her, I think if she taken a different route; reported her rape and if she'd been given justice, she might have had a chance at healing. Having your rapist's child would have been …" Olivia shook her head and shrugged, "All I know is that… if he raped me and I ended up pregnant as a result, I would have kept that baby but the juxtaposition of seeing my rapist through my child's eyes and having this incredible experience of having my own child – it'd have been almost unbearable."

He nodded understandingly.

Olivia looked to him, "it was hard though, when you're going to a rich school but have no money… it's never fun. You don't get to go on the ridiculous overseas school trips, you make friends but you can never invite them to your house and you have to lie and make up stuff just to fit in. I don't want that for my kids, I want them all to have the things that I didn't but also to understand the value and always include the kids like me."

Trevor smiled at her, "we are both fortunate that we can make sure the kids are always well-provided for."

"So what's Erika's issue with your Mom? Is it because of your father?"

"I think some of it is, but she always reminds me that I was able to move out long before she was and she had to deal with Mom on her own. She thinks I was Mom's favorite and as a result she was treated badly, which … I am sure she's not lying, my mother can be passive aggressive and mean, but I also sometimes think she was an innocent victim too…"

Olivia nodded. "I understand how Erika feels, some days I do have hatred toward my Mom for not helping herself, but other days I just feel sorry that she had no one she could trust to help her."

"I think you and Erika are going to get along really well and I'm so excited about that." Trevor remarked.

Olivia smiled. "I'll be bossing her around big-sister style in no time."

Trevor laughed, "She will love that, it'll be a break from me. That reminds me, she mentioned her ex has been harassing her and salting her wounds, so … I might have a word, he needs to leave her the fuck alone."

"Maybe you should stay out of it." Olivia replied.

He rose his eyebrow and cocked his head. "Really, Liv? You think I should stay out of a situation where my baby sister's ex is sending her texts every day apologizing for his appalling behavior of leaving her when her fertility tests came back? Because I don't. From our conversation today, I got that she's silently struggling and I am not going to let some little douche bag make it worse."

"I didn't realize that was the case… what a piece of shit," she shook her head. "Go ahead, finish him," she joked.

He chuckled. "Anyway, as much as I'd love to stay here forever, it's 3, I need to go get Noah and then go pick up Elly."

"I can come," she said.

"Noooo, this is your rest day."

"Picking up my kids from school is a small joy that I rarely get to enjoy so I'll come with you just give me five minutes to get appropriately dressed and tie my hair back or something."

Trevor smiled. "Okay."

"Liv, you got flowers…" Fin announced, holding a small bouquet. Olivia smiled; she loved how thoughtful Trevor was. She also loved that he knew just how much she loved flowers.

He set them down on her desk, "you gonna send that man broke if you keep it up," he joked.

"I don't think that'll happen in a hurry," she replied, plucking up the envelope from the gorgeous bunch of pink tulips. She opened it up and her grin spread wider realizing that they didn't actually come from Trevor.

Dear Olivia, I think a congratulations are in order! I hope you'll enjoy this little gift for your office and I can't wait for us to catch up soon so we can start getting to know one another.
Erika.

"Not Trevor?" Fin asked.

"No, his little sister. She's so sweet," Liv replied, closing the card and putting it back in the envelope in case anyone snooped her office.

"Whats the occasion?" he pressed nosily.

Olivia shrugged, "she's just congratulating me on becoming a big sister to her," she laughed at her own stupidity but Fin didn't seem to question it.

"Women are weird," he remarked.

"Listen, I'm headed out to get some lunch, I'll be back soon," Olivia told him, getting up.

"Want some company?" Fin asked. It'd been a little while since he and Liv had spent time one-on-one and he felt her pulling away and even her priorities at work had changed a little. He noticed the deeper her relationship grew with Trevor, the less she was concerned about spending every waking hour at work.

"No thanks, I have to go do a couple of things and get some stuff for dinner."

"How is that going, playing Mommy to another person's kid," Fin enquired, watching his boss collect her handbag. She looked up and raised an eyebrow.

"Fin, I don't know if you realize this, but I'm not playing Mommy to anyone else's kid. Eloise is Trevor's daughter who just lost her mother, Noah and I have moved in with them and the same way that Trevor has fallen in love with my kid and I, is the same way I have fallen in love with him and his kid, please don't patronize what he and I have."

"No, no, no disrespect, that's not what I meant," he backtracked, feeling like he certainly wasn't one of Liv's favorite people.

"Just… do me a favor and stop wondering about my life and stop giving Trevor a hard time about doing the right thing by me, I'm a grown woman and I don't need you to 'look out for me'" she made the air quotes above her head. She pushed past him and past the other detective at their desks before making her way out of the office.

"Ahhh so good to see your face, my heart," she greeted Trevor once he got close enough to greet her. She had been standing outside of the precinct waiting for him to meet her. He leaned over and took her face in his hands and kissed her passionately.

"Ugh!" he made a sound of disgust, "you are looking so hot today," he remarked, stroking her hair before he enveloped her in his arms. She gave him a squeeze.

"You're always looking hot so," she smiled up at him. He was wearing his glasses and his beard was growing its way out again. He looked so sexy in his work suit. He kissed her again. "Come on, let's go see if we can get those vitamins…"

Olivia was chuffed by just how much Trevor wanted to be involved. She had mentioned in the morning that she needed to check out some prenatal vitamins and he insisted on coming with her for that. He slipped her hand in to hers as they made their way to the pharmacy to look for what they needed.

Trevor was working late so it was Olivia alone with the kids. She wished more than anything she was able to have a glass of red wine to wind down. "Mommy, when is dinner gonna be readyyyyyy?" Noah complained.

"Yeahhhhh Mommmyyyyyy," Eloise repeated.

Olivia did a double take and rose her eyebrow. She glanced at Eloise, "Honey, what did you say?" she asked.

"I'm hungrrrrryyyy Livvy," Elly added, ignoring her question. Olivia realized Noah had caught on too. They shared a glance and thankfully he read Olivia's expression and didn't say anything.

She decided to let it go. "Dinner will be ready very soon. I want you to both go and wash your hands in the sink and come and sit at the table please."

Noah took on the brotherly role very well with Eloise. He was so patient with her, they didn't fight much and he was very protective of her. "Come on Elly!" he urged her, "let's go do what Mommy said so we can have our dinner."

Olivia smiled. She loved watching the two of them play together – sometimes interacting but sometimes just side-by-side doing their own thing. She reached down and rubbed her tiny little bump. She was still nauseous but she did find that her breasts were far less sensitive in the couple of weeks that had passed since she and Trevor had found out they were having a baby.

She picked up her phone absently, listening out for the kids playing around and not doing what they were told. She noticed a message from Elliot.

Hey Liv, I hope you're not still angry with me, just wondering what you did with the interrogation tape from Chloe's Mom, if you could let me know, that'd be great..

Interrupting her thoughts were giggles coming from the bathroom. Olivia put her phone down and went to check on them. She found Eloise standing on her step flicking water in to the air and Noah giggling away, encouraging her behavior.

"FREEZE!" Olivia put on her stern, loud voice.

Both kids, startled, stopped in their tracks.

"OK listen, I told you both to wash your hands, not wash the room. I don't want you to splash water everywhere because you are going to get all of our things wet and that will make me very cross, do I make myself clear?"

Noah's arms dropped by his sides, "Yes Mommy," he replied.

"Eloise?" Olivia pressed, "you need to stop, do you understand?"

She nodded and her lower lip trembled and Olivia knew she was about to see tears. Eloise didn't respond well to her firmness. "No crying," Olivia said a little more gently, "there's no reason to be upset, I just don't want to see anymore mess. Finish up, wash your hands and come and sit down at the table, got it?"

Both kids nodded again.

Olivia went back to the kitchen and picked up her phone again and sighed. She started typing.

"The kids are being a little naughty tonight…" she sent it to Trevor.

She pressed send and put the phone down. She thought for a moment and smirked to herself. She picked the food up

"I can't wait to see you tonight… I'm really aching for you."

She smiled and pressed send.

"Mom, what are we having for dinner?" Noah asked as they both came back in to the room.

"We're having spaghetti, come on, up at the table." She helped Eloise in to her booster seat and clipped her in, pushing her chair close to the table. "I want you to both sit and show me how good your manners are by waiting nicely." She planted a kiss on Eloise's crown and then one upon Noah's head.

She made her way back to the kitchen and gave the pot a stir. She listened to the two kids chatting away. She took out some plates and placed them on the table.

She picked up her phone, there was still no answer from Trevor. She started a new text.

I'm gonna put the kids to bed early, make you a drink so its ready when you walk in the door and when you're nice and relaxed, I'm hoping you will fuck me like you've got no plans for tomorrow."

She pressed send and smiled to herself.

She dished up dinner and sat with the kids. She couldn't stomach the spaghetti in her state so she ate a few crackers. "Mommy, why aren't you eating spaghetti?"

"Because I-" she paused and realized that Eloise had asked the question. She smiled at her, "honey, my name is Livvy," she said gently. "Do you remember when we saw your Mommy and said goodbye?" she asked her.

Eloise nodded. "I miss Mommy, I wish we could see her."

Noah had the good sense to keep entirely quiet.

"I know you miss her, it's okay to miss her…" Liv told her gently, reaching for her little hand.

"But you can be my Mommy too?" she said, her big eyes staring at Olivia like she might be afraid of rejection. Olivia didn't know how to respond, she suddenly understood how Trevor must have felt when Noah continually pushed. She didn't want to reject her, but she was true to her word when she told Helena that she wasn't looking to replace her.

She wasn't sure what to say. She said nothing instead. She heard her phone chime and picked it up.

"No phones at the table Mom! That's what Trevor says!" Noah told her.

"Trevor isn't here, is he?" she replied. "Eat your dinner."

She smiled to see a response from Trevor. Oooft what exactly do you have in mind? Shall I race home?

She grinned to herself and was about to answer when another text came through from Elliot, she realized she hadn't replied to the first. She switched message windows to his. They should be at your precinct with the evidence log. I didn't take the dictaphone with me. I'm back on shift tomorrow after lunch, let me know if you don't find it, I'll get on it.

"Mommy," Noah began, "why are you eating crackers?"

"Cos I have an upset tummy," she replied, smiling at him, putting the phone down, "but I'm fine, you don't need to worry." She glanced at Eloise, "how's that spaghetti? Is it good?" she asked, noticing that Eloise was trying but failing to get it in her mouth properly. She was using her hands instead.

She remembered the message from Trevor and opened her phone, pausing to glance at the kids. They were both quiet and tired from playing at the park immediately after Olivia had picked them up at school.

I'm open to whatever you like, but I was quite partial to the way you made love to me for hours and buried your face between my legs when we were in Connecticut and made me come so hard I saw bursting colors, happy to also return the favor as well, of course… ;) Love you.

"After dinner we're doing baths, showers and pajamas. Noah you're going to get in the shower tonight while I bathe Eloise and we're having a story and sleep."

"Can't we stay up and watch TV with you until Trevor gets home?" Noah whined.

"No, Trevor is going to be getting home far too late for you. You are both going to school tomorrow. Mommy's off to work."

"Mommy am I going to Noah's school?" Eloise asked.

"Mommy, why does Elly get to call you Mommy but I'm not allowed to call Trevor my Daddy?"

"Enough!" Olivia said firmly, feeling bad for her wearing patience, but despite them both getting along well, they did constantly seem to whine all afternoon. She had dried Eloise's tears at least three times and Noah's once. "Are you done eating?"

Olivia cleaned up the dinner and wiped Eloise's spaghetti fingers and marched the kids upstairs to their baths. She still hadn't heard from Trevor and figured he was busy.

She put the phone aside and read a story to the kids in Noah's bed. Eloise had fallen asleep first but Noah drifted off just as she finished off. She was thankful for that. She took Eloise in to her own bed and tucked her in and went back downstairs to text Trevor to find out how far away he was. She hadn't seen him since she'd left for work just after 5 in the morning and she missed him.

She picked up the phone to a text from Elliot and her whole body went numb as she read her previous message to him. "No, no, no, nooooo…" she felt her hands tingling with embarrassment.

Maybe you'd like to cut and paste this text to Trevor. Pretty sure it wasn't meant for me.

Olivia fell back down on the chair as she heard the front door close. She was so embarrassed. Her cheeks were on fire and her head was a little woozy with humiliation.

"Liv?" Trevor called out.

"In here…" he put his brief case down on the dinner table and came to her, wrapping his arms around her and kissing her neck. "Hi baby…" she turned to face him and looked up at him. He kissed her lips softly.

"Hey…" she drew away.

"What's the matter?" he asked, sensing her tension.

"Look at what I did…" she covered her face and passed him her phone. The second that he took it she felt an interior panic, wondering if he would be angry.

"Oh my gosh!" he exclaimed, bursting in to laughter. He couldn't help it, there was a part of him that was glad Elliot had a little insight to the kind of sex they shared. Perhaps it was stupid or jealous, but he wanted Elliot to get it. "Oh honey, I'm sorry," he tried to stifle his laughter.

"Don't laugh!" she snapped, "this is so humiliating and unprofessional."

"Just reply, apologize and never bring it up again, it'll be fine," he assured her.

"Trevor…" Olivia cocked her head at him, "I basically just advertised intimate details, fuck… please, don't make fun of me."

He kissed her temple and breathed in deeply. He knew he had to cut out his amusement. He recognized that she felt incredibly embarrassed. "Liv, I'm sorry," he said softly, caressing her hair. "I think you should just message him back and apologize and you guys have been friends a long time, I'm sure if anything he will do his usual Elliot Stabler dick move and tease you about it for awhile and he'll get over it."

Olivia sighed, he was right. She started tapping out a response.

I'm really sorry El, you didn't need to read that. I'm totally humiliated. I'm sorry.

Trevor pulled the phone out of her hands gently and re-read the message she had sent him. He locked it and put it face down. "Oooft, I kinda wish I did get this on the way home…"

Olivia slipped out of her stool at the counter and got up to find her way to the whisky decanter that was pushed back against the splash-black tiles. She opened up the cupboard above her head and grabbed his favorite crystal glass and filled it with his whisky and added two ice cubes from the freezer and a splash of soda.

"Thanks honey," he smiled.

"I don't know if I can actually have sex after that…" she told him honestly, "but you can at least get your wind down drink."

Trevor tried not to show his disappointment. "Come here…" he commanded softly, hating that she felt so embarrassed. He reached out to her. She reached back for his hand and let him pull her toward him. "Seems like it'd be a waste of an early kid night if we didn't at least get in to bed and make out for awhile."

His words roused a smile from her lips and it was contagious.

"You're lucky you're so fucking beautiful and irresistible," she murmured, feeling his lips against her jaw.

She let his hand fall in to hers and he guided her up the stairs toward their bedroom.

"Just want to go to sleep?" Trevor asked Liv, sensing that she was still feeling upset about the text messages.

"Sorry, I just… feel really self conscious and the idea of Elliot thinking about us in that capacity… its just turned me off."

"Forever?" he asked with a little laugh. Olivia dressed down to her camisole and underwear and got in to bed.

She gave him a brief smile. "For tonight…"

"Okay." He finished his drink and laid down beside her. "But Elliot Stabler is not going to ruin our sex life." He told her, "We're both grown adults and if I want to go down on you until you see bursts of light and you're a very willing recipient, then so be it, he'll just have to get over it."

Olivia couldn't help but to chuckle. She rolled on to her side, her back facing him. "Trev, can I tell you something?" she wondered.

"Of course baby, what is it?" he asked, she felt him sidle up to her, still not touching her, careful just to give her a little bit of space.

"I don't want you to keep bringing this up because I'm hormonal and my mind could change tomorrow when I open my eyes…"

"Okay…" he braced himself for something he might not like.

"I have had such a nice time lately with being able to take Noah to School and Eloise to Day care and sometimes being able to leave early enough to pick them up and bring them home and make dinner and eat with them… I am thinking that as soon as we go for the sonogram at the end of the week and if we start telling people, I might ease off work a little until after our baby has arrived. I really wasn't prepared for this kind of exhaustion and it's affecting my work."

He didn't say anything straight away but thought about it for a moment. He didn't want to lie to himself, the idea of coming home to Olivia every day seemed like a wonderful idea and since he'd known her intimately, he'd noticed a shift in her attitude toward work – there was a little more give and take; balance perhaps.

He thought it was healthy but he didn't ever want to be the one to influence her decisions.

"Well," he began, "I do worry about how tired you are, but I trust your judgment entirely and I want what you want. If you wanted to quit work and be a stay-at-home Mom, I got you," he said, "if you want to work the hours that you already do and not change, I got you there too. You just tell me how you need me to support you, honey, I'm always here for you."

Olivia felt a swell of emotion in her stomach. "Where is your hand?" she asked him. She reached behind her, her palm open out. He smiled and placed his hand in hers. "It's missing from my boob…"

"Heyyy, I thought it was too sensitive," he remarked with a little chuckle, feeling her guide his hand to her chest.

"Well now they're not as bad, and I miss you holding me…" she replied.

"I missed holding your amazing tits too," Benson," he told her, kissing her bare shoulder. "And … they feel a little bigger too … does that happen so quickly?"

"Apparently, like I need my boobs to get any bigger…"

Trevor laughed. "I don't mind…" he teased.

"I'll bet," she replied. She let out a sigh as she settled against him. "Thanks for being so supportive. "I guess when we have the sonogram, I'll make my decision."

"Okay sweetie," he replied.

She let her eyes close. "Good night Trevor, wake me up when you do in the morning okay?"

"Okay. Goodnight, my lovely." He kissed her shoulder again and let his thumb drag slowly back and forth along the soft skin of her breast. She smiled to herself and drifted off feeling content, trying not to think about the message she sent Elliot.