I Dont Know You Anymore

by SugarFap

When Olivia learns Elliot is back, her world is shaken up - but even more so when she meets up with Trevor Langan by pure happenstance, Olivia struggles with forgiveness and abandonment as Trevor Langan shapes up to be the man that she's never had and Elliot remains to be the one who ghosted her and left her heartbroken.

41. The Changes

A/N It feels super late, Im tired and I really just wanted to post this. This is all a bit of fluff, I have a couple more plans... but would love some feed back. Sorry its so long, technically should be two chapters but I felt it would be weird to split it. Enjoy xo

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"Trevor," Noah started as they headed to his classroom, "why can Eloise call Mommy her Mommy but I'm not allowed to say you're my Daddy?" he asked curiously.

Trevor did a double take, stopping in his tracks. "What do you mean?" he asked. Noah stopped too, looking up at his father figure.

"Last night, Elly called her Mommy and Mommy didn't say no." He shrugged.

"What did Mom say?" Trevor asked curiously.

"She reminded her about her own Mommy and I asked why Elly was allowed to and she got mad and she said enough," he told Trevor, "so I couldn't ask anymore."

"Right… Maybe Mommy was a little tired," he replied, "can I ask you a question?" Trevor began, slipping his hand back in to Noah's as they walked slowly toward the class.

"Uhuh," Noah nodded.

"What do you think a Daddy does? If I asked you to tell me what makes you think I'm special enough to be your Dad, what do you think those things are?" Trevor asked him, "I know that's a very big question, but I want you to think about it."

"That's a hard question," Noah replied.

"I know," Trevor nodded, "but you have a think about it and I'll ask you for your answer later tonight, how about that?"

"Is this a test?" he asked a little confused.

He laughed as they entered his classroom. "No bud, it's not a test. I think it's an important question. We'll talk about it later okay?"

He nodded. "Okay," he slid Noah's backpack from his own shoulder where he'd been carrying it for him. "Here you go, go pop your bag up on the rack and come and say goodbye," he directed him. Noah did as he was told. Trevor waved to some of the Moms who he recognized from dropping Noah off and picking him up.

"Hey Trevor! Where's Olivia!" a giddy mother approached him. It was one of the women he recognized from when he had attended family day. One of the ladies who Liv admitted made her feel inferior.

Trevor smiled, "Hi there, sorry, I am so bad with names…"

"Corine," she reminded him. "We met at family day."

He nodded, "That's right, I remember now, how are you?"

"Good thanks, it's so lovely that you're doing Liv a favor and dropping Noah off, she must be so busy with work!"

"Actually, she's at home having a well-deserved sleep in," he replied.

"Oh, you are just the loveliest!" she touched his arm. Trevor's eyes traveled down to the unwanted contact. She quickly lifted her hand and chuckled at herself. He knew immediately he didn't really like her.

"Not really," he said, "she runs around after our other little one when I've got things to do, we make it work."

"I didn't think the little girl was Olivia's," she framed her remark as an open question, expecting Trevor to expand on it.

"We're a family, biology doesn't always factor in," he said, his smile tightening. He couldn't stand gossip.

"Trev, are you picking me up today?" Noah asked reappearing. Trevor turned his attention back to the little boy. He knelt down and smiled at him, "It'll probably be me, bud, but if I get held up at work, it'll be Lucy."

Noah pouted. "Is Mommy going to work?" he asked.

"Yes, a little later, she'll be at work tonight so as long as I'm early enough, I'll pick Elly up, then I'll come get you and Mom packed your t-ball gear in your bag so we can go straight to practice."

Noah grinned. "Okay Trev and I can tell you the answer to the question tonight?" he asked.

Trevor nodded and grinned back at him. "You bet, buddy. Think about what you'd like for dinner and I'll make some special fries, how's that?" Noah loved the fries that Trevor made from scratch.

"Oh and you cook too," Corine sounded from above them. Trevor barely gave her a glance, he'd forgotten she was there. He placed his hands on Noah's shoulders, "you have a wonderful day, okay?"

Noah nodded. "Trev, I want you to make the big nuggets for dinner."

"Okay," Trevor flashed him a smile. "good man, I gotta go to work now, so go find your friends and make sure you listen in class."

Noah threw his arms around Trevor hugging him tightly. Trevor smiled to himself, he loved how warm and sweet he was. "I love you!" he told Trevor.

"I love you too, bud," he replied, kissing his cheek. "Be good."

Noah let go of him and Trevor got to his feet. He made eyes with Noah's teacher and gave her a wave. "See you Corine," he replied, not allowing any room for further conversation.

He turned and walked out the door passing the classroom, stopping a moment to make sure Noah was okay. He lingered around the periphery of the friends that he normally spent time with. Trevor frowned. When none of the kids looked up, Noah went to the library corner and looked for a book to read.

He made a note to speak to his teacher when he picked him up later.

/

"Fuck!" Trevor cursed realizing he left his iPad on the bedside table. He'd had a lot of trouble falling asleep the night before and did some work before he went to sleep.

He texted Liv to let her know he was heading back home and texted his boss to let her know he was running late.

Don't stress, Trevor, no court this morning, just have a small case to look at but nothing pressing. I'm sure you've worked many hours overtime, but you could make it up to me by bringing a giant, dinosaur-sized coffee on your way in. Kara his boss replied.

He was happy to have a job that was way more flexible than his last one.

He got inside and still hadn't heard from Olivia. He went upstairs and heard the shower running. "Olivia, it's just me," he called out, "I'm home…"

There was some silence, "Trevor?" she called out.

"Yes babe, I'm just here, sorry, I didn't mean to frighten you…" he said, popping his head in to the bathroom.

She smiled at him, her hair sopping wet, pushed back out of the way. and disappeared back behind the glass door. "What did you forget?" she called out.

Trevor chuckled and let himself in to the bathroom. He leaned against the vanity that was adjascent to the glass door. "My ipad…"

"Knew it," she replied. "So you got a couple of minutes?" she wondered, turning off the water. Trevor grabbed the towel from the rack and handed it to her.

"Sure, what do you need help with?" he asked as she thanked him. She wrapped it around herself. He smiled, loving that she was comfortable to be naked in front of him and that the swell in her belly starting to show.

"Come with me…" she nodded to the bedroom. He was half-expecting her to ask for help with a light bulb or something that needed looking at.

She sat down on the edge of the bed. "Come here…" she said firmly. He went took a step closer wondering if he was reading the room right.

"What am I helping with?" he asked with a little smile.

"The feeling like I might explode if you don't do something immediately."

Trevor laughed. "Really? It's that bad?"

She didn't bother replying. She reached for his belt and began to undo it with urgent fingers.

"Wai-wai-wait-" he stopped her, grabbing her hands. "Baby gimme a second," he chuckled. He finished undoing his own belt and shed his jacket.

"Come on, come on… don't worry about getting it all off, just the important parts."

He couldn't help but to laugh. "Olivia!" he exclaimed, shocked by her bluntness.

She flopped back on the bed with frustration. He moved faster to unbutton his shirt. He reached for the hem of her towel and pulled it open, climbing over her. "There… is that better?" he asked, his knees on either side of her thighs.

"Yes, but it'll be better if you just hurry things up…" she said, finally laughing at herself.

"Olivia!" he started to laugh with her, "you're putting a lot of pressure on me to perform here,"

"Sorry," she softened, "I just woke up and … I couldn't take care of things on my own—"

He grinned at her and took her cheeks in his hands and kissed her lips passionately, "Tell me about that…" he commanded. "Sounds like something I would have been interested in witnessing either close up or afar,"

"I usually just try to think of you…" she informed him, "but this pregnancy feeling is… really intense and I—"

He kissed her in to silence. The idea of her thinking about him and taking care of herself while he wasn't around was a complete turn on, he was instantly hard. "You don't have to tell me twice…" he planted some lingering kisses over her mouth and her jaw.

He felt her shift beneath him. He took one of her larger breasts in his hand and explored her gently, remembering her sensitivity. He felt her hips gyrating against his. "How often do you….think of me?" he asked, letting his words vibrate against her ear.

"I barely need to, you're always with me." She murmured. "Do you ever think of me?"

"Yes," he replied, "a little less than I had to when you didn't live with me…" he admitted.

It wasn't long before he'd lost his clothes and gave in to Olivia's needs as swiftly and as quickly as he could knowing that he had to go back to work and she wasn't in the mood for messing around.

/

"Are you feeling better?" he asked, kissing her against the wall in the shower.

"I am, I've actually organized to meet your sister at the NYU before I start work at 2."

"Oh really?" Trevor asked with a raised eyebrow, "that's nice, tell me how it goes… and don't you work too hard, if you need to come home early, come home early, okay?" he told her with another kiss.

"Will do, boss," she winked. He turned the water off and handed her her towel first as he got out and wiped himself down.

"I really hate to bang and run," he joked, "but I am running so late," he told her.

"Off you go, thanks… I love youuuuu" she sang after him.

He chuckled, getting dressed quickly. He went to walk out of the bedroom.

"IPAD!" Olivia yelled at him.

"Fuck!" he laughed, going back, walking past her. She stood in her black bra and underwear. He smiled at her, looking at her little belly. He kissed her goodbye and paused, crouching, covering his hands over the swell. He kissed it. "Goodbye little baby."

Olivia could have exploded with feeling for him. She grinned at him as he got to his feet. "I love you so much…" she blurted out.

He chuckled, "I love you too."

/

"Ohhhh Olivia!" Erika grinned to see her new sister-in-law as the students slowly filed out of her class.

Olivia made her way down the steps toward Erika, holding a rustic looking bouquet of flowers. "Hi sweetheart!" Olivia greeted her, giving her a hug. "So good to see you."

"You too!" Erika was excited. Olivia pulled away. "These are for you," she gave her the flowers.

"Oh wow, they're beautiful," she smiled, "look at these peonies! What did I do to deserve these?"

"Congratulations on becoming an aunt." Olivia smiled at her.

"Oh shit, you are so sweet, thank you, Liv!" Olivia glanced at her. "Would you like to follow me to my office and I can put them in a vase and we can go get something to eat…"

"Well, I'm not really interested in eating at the moment, but I could probably get some tea," she replied.

Erika cocked her head and pouted. She looked down at her belly and put her hand over it, almost the way Trevor had but then quickly pulled her hand away, "sorry, sorry, that's so rude, I didn't ask."

Olivia smiled at her, "Its okay, you don't have to ask, you're the aunt."

With a little bit of awkwardness, she placed her hand back down on Olivia's belly. She smiled gently and looked up at Olivia and grinned at her, "I'm sorry," she apologized again and Liv realized it was because she had become a little emotional.

"Hey… its fine… come here…" she gave her a hug again. "I get it," she told her, "you're allowed to be happy and blue about it at the same time.'

She felt Erika inhale deeply. "Let me try not to get emotional in front of my nosey, lingering students." She averted her eyes to the few people who were sitting in their chairs, still gathering their things.

Olivia let go of her.

"Mrs. Langan, sorry to interrupt," a small, young, mousey girl appeared from behind Olivia.

"Oh, no," Erika smiled warmly at the young girl, "that's okay, how are you Sarah?"

Olivia took a step back and waited and watched Erika interact with her student.

"Umm…" he girl began, "I'm fine thanks… I am just struggling a little with the assignment brief, I am aware that I sound stupid but I-"

"No," Erika said firmly, "you are not stupid, don't say that. Would you like me to write you some very specific instructions? Is that what it is?" she pressed.

The girl nodded. "Sorry, I know its annoying but I just-"

"Say no more, Sarah, it's fine. Whatever way that I can help, you just let me know. Let me write myself a reminder…" she picked up her phone from the desk and tapped in some details. She put her and on the small girl's shoulder.

"Thank you so much, Mrs Langan…"

Erika laughed, "It's Erika," she corrected her. "I don't want you to worry about any of this…I'll email you a break down and you can just send me a message or call me if you have any other questions, okay?"

Sarah thanked her again and left.

Olivia smiled to herself. She was warmed by how sweet Erika was to her student. They went back to her office so she could put the flowers in a vase.

"That was really nice of you to help that girl, wish I had someone who was that sweet to me when I was in college," Olivia remarked.

"Oh, Sarah…" Erika smiled, submerging her flowers in water, stopping a moment to admire them. She turned to Olivia, placing the flowers on her desk. "she's on the spectrum, she's a great student but sometimes she struggles with figurative language over literal language. I need to remember to be more inclusive sometimes, we all do, to be honest."

Olivia nodded. "Good reminder,"

"Shall we?" Erika asked, grabbing her handbag.

"Lead the way…"

/

"How's Trev with the idea of the baby coming now?" Erika asked curiously just as the waitress served them their hot drinks.

Olivia couldn't wipe the smile from her face, "I dunno what you said to him the other week, but it helped so thank you."

"I didn't do anything," Erika flipped her hair over her shoulder, "I just told him how lucky he was… that he has the opportunity to have children."

"It must be really tough to watch your brother have these opportunities, especially if he appears luke-warm about it," Olivia said gently.

"No," she frowned, holding Liv's eye contact. "I know Trevor isn't ever luke-warm about anything, he is a love-hate type guy," she informed Olivia, "but I think he has some hang ups about rushing in to anything."

She nodded. "He's pretty pleased with the idea of having a baby now," she told her, "but we're both… careful, its still early."

Erika nodded. "I get it, but… when's your sonogram?" she asked, "surely you're almost done with the first 12 weeks right?"

Olivia smiled, "Yeah, just about, we're going for the sonogram on Friday," she said, "I think after that, I'll feel a bit more calm about it all – but I'm pretty happy."

"I hope you don't mind but, Trev told me that Noah was an adopted baby… can I ask why you never decided to have children?" she asked curiously, "but of course, you don't have to answer."

"No, it's fine…" Olivia took a sip of her tea and put the mug back down, the soft clatter of the ceramic hitting the saucer cutting through the silence. "I didn't decide not to have children, but in total honesty, Erika, I didn't get the opportunity. I had my head in my career, I was busy looking for healing for my childhood and I got my job at SVU and then time got away; I was busy mooning over my partner who was married and…" she laid her empty hands out on the table top and shrugged,

"A couple years back, I got in to a serious relationship and thought maybe … but it was a false test and after that I just… gave up and then Noah kind… appeared and that was that."

"Oh… did you think that maybe you couldn't?"

"I didn't know, I thought it was weird that I'd never had a single scare, but apparently…" she paused, "I feel really insensitive, wow…" she stopped herself, realizing her words could be hurting Trevor's sister.

"No," Erika said, "please don't be sensitive and weird around me, I don't want that. As you said, I can be happy and sad for myself too. But I don't need anyone to pity me."

"Sorry… I just, to a degree, I get how it must feel, to see everyone else around you with kids or having families—but I really want to express just how thrilled I am to be spending time with you."

Erika grinned at her, her eyes sparkling happily. "Thank you, Liv… I'm so happy too."

"Trevor told me about the struggles that you both had with being involved with Eloise when she was born and I just want to put it out there and say that while I've never been the mother to a newborn, I know from having an 8month old, that I will definitely be welcoming you both to be around as often as you want."

"Yeah?" Erika asked, her eyes growing moist, "cos I will be around, Liv, like… you'll be so sick of me…"

Olivia laughed, "I doubt it, but even if you are, I'm fine with that. And you got a raving review from Noah," she laughed, "and Eloise loves her auntie Ezzy,"

Erika laughed. "Ezzy…" she repeated with a laugh.

"That kid, what is it with her and finding a cute little name for everyone she comes in contact with?"

Erika laughed, "Right? I love that she calls you Livvy… I think it's so fucking cute."

"Oh," Olivia grimaced, "that reminds me, I actually haven't had the chance to tell Trev yet but last night she dropped the Mommy word on me a couple of times, I tried to correct her but—"

Erika shrugged, "Olivia, you're going to be the mother to her that she should have had. It sounds awful, but… I know what it's like to grow up with someone who has substance abuse problems and I didn't want that for my niece. It might not have been violent, but I'm sure it would have got there…. And Trevor…" she shook her head.

"I know what it's like to grow up like that too," Olivia leveled with her. "I just don't want to overstep and at the moment my son won't stop asking me why he can't call Trevor Daddy, I thought it was hard to explain to him… but… it's hard."

"Is Noah's Dad in the picture?" she wondered. "And does Noah know he was adopted?"

"No," she shook her head, "he doesn't know he's adopted but I plan to be open with him about it. And his father is dead and so is his biological mother."

"Do you think that you'll ever allow Noah to call Trevor his father?" Erika wondered. She liked Olivia and maybe because she wasn't a parent, she didn't understand, but she knew Trevor's heart would have been fully open to the little boy calling him Daddy.

"Yeah, I'm open to it," she said, "but I was with an ex who was around a lot in the early years… I thought I might marry the guy, but it didn't work out and Noah took it hard so I'm just scared for him. Now he's 6 and he forms emotional attachments a lot quicker and won't forget as easily."

"I don't want to change your mind because I wouldn't know how this all feels, but… I think Trevor would really love the honor of being Noah's Dad… I get why you're scared though – I think the attachment is already formed and if you're saying Noah is at you, he probably is already calling him Dad in his head."

Olivia laughed, "I know, I've thought about all of that… I am just…" she shrugged, "I don't know… Noah went to school and told all the kids Trevor was his father and one of the kids has been giving him grief ever since because the mother knew Trevor wasn't it…"

"Oh," Erika pouted, "the poor thing… his heart must have been so broken, gosh, I remember what it was like, desperately seeking a father figure in everyone who wasn't my dad. Don't tell Trevor, but… I spent my late teens with some very questionably aged men."

Olivia made a face, "adult men? When you were a child?"

"No, I was legal…. Barely though, daddy issues and all of that…" she shrugged.

"Meanwhile the whole time you had Trevor there ready to step in when you needed."

"Yeah but…when I was a teenager, I wasn't looking for my older brother to boss me around," she chuckled. "And he did boss me around, oh my gosh, Liv," she laughed, "he was so strict—"

Olivia laughed, "In what way?"

She sipped her coffee and thought about it, "Well, for instance, when I was 14, I was experimenting with make up and I used my Moms eyeliner and was with my friend after school and he yelled at me in front of my friend and I think he was about 24 or 25… he marched me to the bathroom and insisted that I remove it because boys would get get the wrong idea!"

"Oh jeez," Olivia clapped her hand over her face.

"If I got bad report cards or grades, I'd get the 'I'm not mad, just disappointed', speech…"

They both laughed, "You poor thing, he really took that dad role seriously, didn't he?"

"He did…. He was so mad about boys getting the wrong idea about me, but I really wanted boys to get the wrong idea about me." She chuckled, "I feel for Eloise."

"Well, all I can say about that is that… doing what I do, you see some really, really sad and horrific things and maybe it's not so much about taking experiences away from kids, but more about educating them better – girls and boys."

"I really admire what you do, I don't think I said that before… do you ever get thanked for your job?" Erika asked.

"By who? Survivors?"

"Just in general… you have such a hard job, Olivia, Trevor told me that you get calls all the time from victims that just need to talk and don't feel comfortable calling a psychologist…"

Olivia let a smile cross her lips. "Yeah… that happens, more texts than phone calls these days, but yeah… it's a bit of an honor, truthfully, that they seek comfort in me."

"See," Erika threw up her hands as if she was exasperated, "that's so … incredible. It's probably just a job for some, but you… you are there for them in a very real way. I think that's incredible… Thank you for doing that job Liv, I know it's hard and probably thankless… but more people should thank you for it."

Her lips upturned in to a grin as she reached for Erika's hand. "Thank you, kiddo," she winked. "That's very kind of you to say…"

She liked the sincerity in Trevor's sister. She was beautiful, clearly very smart and had a heart of gold—in fact, a lot like her brother, she thought. "Trev told me you're having some issues with your ex harassing you."

"Ugh… yeah… " she nodded, "he's … just regretful but not having kids is a deal breaker for him and you know, I don't blame him, it would have been a deal breaker for me too… but…" she shrugged.

"I wanted to ask you something which I discussed with Trevor last night, it's why I wanted to meet with you."

"Okay," Erika replied, a little nervous for what the question might be.

"Trevor and I wanted to invite you to come with us on Friday to the sonogram."

A smile came to her lips. "Olivia, that is so sweet but I think that's a situation for you and Trevor – especially for a first time baby, it's kind of a special thing you should both have."

"No…" Olivia shook her head, "no, we want you there. You are family and you are so important to Trevor and we want to share this with you."

Erika's eyes filled with tears. "Its okay, Olivia, I don't need the pity, I know you mean well but –"

"Erika," Olivia said, taking both of her hands, "it's not pity," she said sincerely, "I just…" she started but stopped, trying a different approach, "honey, full disclosure, I have no family except Noah. My family is Trevor and the kids and that's totally it."

"Really?" she asked, "no siblings? Cousins? Parents?"

"Nope. None… my brother suicided, my mother passed away around 15 years back… I have no other family. When I found out Trev had a sister, honestly, I was so excited…" she smiled at her, "I always dreamed of having a little sister when I was a kid – I mean, you're far too old for me to dress in matching outfits with me or to teach you how to put on make up, but… I do have a talent for a pretty amazing reverse Dutch braid."

Erika laughed, wiping her eyes.

"Seriously, I am really excited to have a little sister and I feel like we have a lot in common already, you're just 10 or so years behind me."

"I am excited to have a big sister too, I thought it would be totally uncool to admit that," she laughed, "but you don't want the annoying kid sister three-wheeling."

"We do though," Olivia insisted. She thought for a second, "what about if…" she paused, "what if… you come with us. Trevor and I will go in, have a moment hearing the baby for the first time and then you can come in… you'll get to have your auntie moment too."

"Really?" Erika pressed.

"Really! But of course, if you think it's too painful for you, we'll understand but if you want to be there… please accept the invitation."

She nodded, "Can I think about it?" she asked, wanting to speak to Trevor first.

"Of course Erika, that's totally fine. Just let me or Trevor know what you decide and either way we'll respect your decision."

/

After Noah and Trevor tucked Eloise in to bed, Trevor picked up Noah, catching him off guard as they closed her door ajar. Noah giggled as Trevor held him in a superman grip and 'flew' him to his room, relishing the little boy's laughter the entire way.

"Okay superman, time for bed now."

Noah's giggles calmed down as Trevor pulled his blanket back and slotted him right down beneath his covers. He sat down on the edge of Noah's bed and kissed his forehead. "How was your day at school?" he asked him, finally able to have a conversation free of Eloise interrupting or needing help.

"Good," Noah replied.

"You know when I dropped you off this morning and I went to leave, I saw you greeting your friends and none of them talked to you, how come that happened?"

Noah looked away from Trevor's eyes and he knew immediately there was an issue. "You can tell me if something's wrong, bud… I'm always here for you, even if you feel like you can't tell Mom, I'm here too."

He thought about it for a moment, "The kids don't like me anymore," he said so softly that Trevor's heart broke for him.

Trevor scooted closer to him and lifted his legs, swinging them on to the bed so that he was sitting beside Noah. He put an arm around him. "Why? Why do you think they don't like you anymore?"

"Because of Connor, he is being so mean about you…" he sighed.

"What is he saying?" Trevor asked kindly.

"He said that you aren't my real Daddy and that I don't have a real Daddy and today he said that Eloise isn't my sister."

Trevor grimaced. He wanted so much to comfort Noah and tell him that it was untrue, but he knew he had to follow what Olivia wanted. "You know, Noah, I might not be your Dad and Eloise might not be really your sister, but we all live together and we are a family. Not every family has a Mom and a Dad and that's okay. When I was growing up I did have a Mom and a Dad but my Dad was really mean and he wasn't a good person for many reasons. And your Mommy didn't have a Dad which could sometimes be tough, but she was still happy and she's so happy now with our family."

"I know, but I wish you were my Daddy, Trevor."

"I know you do, bud, I promise it won't always be like this…" he told Noah. "We are all still getting used to each other living together, aren't we?" he pressed.

Noah nodded. "I can tell you though, when I was little, my sister, Erika, she was a lot younger and I was very protective of her and even if she was annoying or wanted to take my toys, I always kept her safe because that's what a big brother does. I know you do the same for Eloise, so in a way you're also kind of like a brother… She's very lucky to have you and she loves you so much and so do I."

"I love you too, Trev," Noah said softly with a little smile. Trevor felt his small arms wrapping around him. Trevor gave him a little squeeze and reciprocated his embrace.

"Bud, remember this morning I asked you that very important question? What you think a Dad does?"

Noah nodded.

"Did you think about it?" Trevor asked him

The little boy nodded again.

"What is your answer?"

"Mmmmm…" Noah began, "I think a Daddy cooks dinner sometimes, he goes to work and he does fun stuff on the weekend and he loves Mommy and sometimes he can be grumpy," he added.

Trevor smiled at him, chuckling softly. "What else?" he pressed.

"He teaches the kids fun stuff like art stuff and important stuff and he gives the best hugs and he is always so strong!"

"That sounds pretty accurate. Do you think that sounds like the things that I do for you and Eloise?"

Noah nodded.

"Really?" Trevor asked, giving him a playful poke in the tummy, "you think I'm grumpy?"

Noah giggled. "No, I have only seen you grumpy one or two times," he replied.

Trevor smiled. "Noah, if you think I do all the things that you think a Dad should do, then you know in your heart what I am to you. Just because you don't call me Dad, doesn't mean you can't hold me in your heart as just as important as a Dad."

"So, you do all Dad stuff but you are still Trevor?"

Trevor nodded. "Yes,"

"Okay," Noah replied.

"And as for Connor, I want you to tell me if you think you need help with Connor or if you think he is being too mean, we can talk to his Mommy. There's no shame in that."

Noah nodded. "Connor told the other kids not to be my friend."

"That's not kind," Trevor replied, hating that someone's shitty kid was making his kid's life hard. "Do you think I could talk to Connor's Mom for you?"

"No, he will say I'm a tattle-tale." Noah replied.

"No, he won't. He won't say anything and no one will find out. I will talk to his Mommy and it'll be okay."

He thought for a moment and looked up at Trevor, "Okay."

"Okay good, sometimes its okay to ask for help with our friends or with things that happen that we don't know how to fix. That's what Mom and I are here for. You can always talk to us, okay?"

Noah nodded.

"Good man," Trevor smiled and kissed his forehead. He got up and pulled the covers around him.

"You have a great sleep, okay bud?"

"I will."

Trevor grabbed Noah's favourite stuffie from the foot of his bed and handed it to him. "Mom will be home a little later and she'll come and give you a kiss goodnight when you're asleep."

"Okay bud, close your eyes and I'll put your nightlight on." Trevor got up and turned the small lamp on until it emitted a dull glow.

"Goodnight," he whispered, tucking him in. "See you in the morning."

"Goodnight Trevor."

/

"So are you gonna come or what?" Kat asked, "you have to come… we've hardly seen you lately, Captain."

Olivia smiled at her youngest detective, "Sure… as long as I can get someone to sit for Noah, I'll be there."

"Great…. And why don't you bring your man."

"My man?" Olivia lifted her eyebrow.

Kat laughed, "Oh don't play dumb Olivia, Trevor Langan and Olivia Benson is the department's worst kept secret."

Olivia couldn't help but to laugh. "Sure, why not, I'll bring Trevor. Where is this party?"

"Just at the bar, but wear something cute, we've all decided to put in a bit of effort…"

"Aren't I always cute?" Liv asked playfully, winking at her.

"Detectives…" a voice that she knew very, very well came from the open doorway of her office.

"Captain," Olivia corrected him.

A smile spread across Trevor's face. Kat turned to see Trevor. She glanced back at Olivia. "Does he just turn up when you say his name…or?"

"It's like the bat symbol, yes." Trevor answered for her, amused. "Why were you talking about me?"

"It's my 25th birthday tonight and I just told Liv that you guys have to come and make sure you're both looking cute." Trevor threaded past Kat and sat down on the couch with an air of familiarity about him. Olivia was surprised by how little he seemed to care if people knew there was a relationship between them.

It made her more confident in being open with her co-workers too.

"Wow, Detective, a quarter of a century, huh?" he smiled at her and Olivia couldn't help but to be struck by just how dazzling his smile was. It gave her butterflies in the pit of her stomach. Still, almost 7 months in, the feeling hadn't waned.

"Uhuh," Kat agreed.

"It'd be rude of us not to be there, count us in," he said sincerely.

"Great," she grinned at Olivia, "I'll leave you two to work on your case or whatever it is you're doing…"

She saw herself out and closed the door behind her.

"You know what I love, Captain?" he asked, getting up and moving toward her desk.

"What's that, councilor?" she asked with a smile as he made his way around it and leaned over to kiss her lips softly.

"I love to see you in your natural habitat, it's so hot…" he smiled.

She chuckled.

"As much as I'd love to hang out in here and make other uses of your desk, I think we better get going. Erika is going to meet us there…" he paused to kiss her again.

"You realize you can't talk about taking me over the desk because I am very, very needy right now," Liv informed him.

He smiled at her knowingly. "I am not complaining, but I am just saying there's no time right this second… afterwards, who knows?"

"Yeah right, we have a party to go to apparently." Liv replied, taking Trevor's hand and letting him take her weight as she got to her feet. He had been extra chivalrous since finding out she was pregnant. Despite her nausea, exhaustion and increased libido being her only symptoms, he went to great efforts to make sure he was taking care of her.

"There's always time... we could turn up fashionably late?"

She grabbed her bag and pulled it over her shoulder. He took her hand. "We'll see how we go, I guess."

"Wait, are you okay with me holding your hand?" he asked, "in front of your team?"

She shrugged, "Trevor, I'm holding more than your hand right now, so I think itll be okay," she told him rubbing her tummy.

He grinned at her and leaned in to kiss her again. "I love you, I can't wait to see our baby…"

"Me either…" she told him. She was nervous though, for good reason. She wanted everything to be okay but as Melinda had pointed out but by default of her age, it was considered a high risk pregnancy. She was scared that something would be wrong – that she had cause for concern—she wanted to be able to give Trevor the most perfect and healthy baby.

Olivia and Trevor left hand-in-hand, promising to see them later. Olivia ignored the eyes staring straight at their entwined fingers.

"Better start chugging that water," Trevor reminded her as they left. He handed her a bottle of water from his satchel and she walked slowly down the path toward the OB GYN office. She handed him the lid to hold on to and grabbed for his hand again feeling her nervousness grow as they got closer.

/

"Babe, what's the matter?" Trevor asked her as the OB GYN left for a moment to take a call.

"What do you mean?" Olivia asked, playing dumb.

"You look worried and your hands are a bit shaky, are you nervous?" he asked softly as she laid back on the bench beside the sonogram machine.

"Anxious, actually, I just really want this to be okay."

Trevor picked up Liv's hand and kissed the back of it. "It's going to be fine," he assured her, "and whatever happens, we're in this together.

The female doctor walked back and greeted them with a warm smile. "Sorry about that, right… let's get down to business, shall we?" she asked.

Liv closed her eyes and drew in a deep breath. "Sounds good," she replied, giving Trevor's hand a squeeze. She exposed her tummy for the doctor who tucked some paper towel in to her waist band and turned to her machine and pressed a few buttons. She lifted the sonogram wand from the holder.

Trevor took her hand in both of his and scooted close on his stool to the other side of the bed. Olivia could tell he was nervous too but he was trying to keep a lid on it so that he could be strong for her, trying to be ready for whatever was thrown at them.

"Okay, sorry about how cold this is…" the OB apologized in advance. She picked up the gel and squirted a large, cold blob on her abdomen. Olivia flinched, it really was cold.

The doctor gave her a reassuring smile. She had warm brown eyes and dark curls wound so tightly that they looked like springs. "Do you guys have other children? Been through this before?" she asked.

"We have an adopted son and a three-year-old daughter," Olivia answered and Trevor smiled, "but this is my first biological child." Trevor lifted her hand again and kissed the back of it for assurance. The doctor regarded him with a smile.

"Oh, that's exciting," she grinned at the couple, "I'll explain things as I go then…"

"My sister is in the waiting room," Trevor informed her, "would it be alright if, after we've seen the baby and are confident that everything is fine with our baby, that we invite her in?"

"Of course," the doctor replied, placing the wand upon Olivia's stomach, "let's get started…" she clicked a couple of buttons on her keypad and turned to the screen. Trevor had too much nervous energy to sit down. He stood up, coming closer to head of the bench where Olivia was laying, her heart racing with nerves.

They began to hear the loud wooshing noise of the sound waves traveling through her stomach. The doctor circulated the wand, traveling a little lower just below Olivia's belly button. Trevor tried to read the doctor's expression; the serious concentration. He realized he was holding his breath. He glanced down at Olivia and saw tears of anxiety escaping her eyes and running down the side of her face. He wiped them away. "Its okay, everything will be fine," he said softly, kissing her forehead.

Olivia managed a laugh.

"Your husband is right, everything will be fine," the doctor said. Neither one of them corrected her. "So, the good news is, your baby is within the correct growth percentile." She pointed to the screen but it was very obvious to them – they could very clearly make out the shape of their child.

"Is the baby okay?" Olivia dared to ask.

"Yes, he or she looks perfectly healthy in terms of its physical form and afterwards we'll get that blood test done to look at the prenatal screening. You should have those results quite quickly."

"Actually, I have a friend who already took blood this morning." Olivia replied, wanting to go through Melinda knowing that her friend understood her nervousness and was able to put a rush on the results.

"Okay great."

Olivia looked at Trevor who stared in amazement at the screen. She gave his hand a squeeze. "Look what we did, my heart…" she said to him with a smile so big that her cheeks hurt.

He looked back at her and back at the screen an expression stricken with emotion. He could barely speak.

"Ready to hear the heart beat?" the doctor asked them both.

"Y…yes…" Trevor nodded, "please…"

She clicked a few buttons on her keyboard and suddenly they both heard the Doppler sounds of the heart beat, loud, strong and a perfect rhythm.

Olivia let the tears fall from her eyes and Trevor glanced down at her with a grin finally filling his face. He kissed her forehead. "Oh my gosh... I know it sounds stupid, but it hasn't really felt… real or tangible…" she murmured.

The doctor smiled at the emotional couple. "That's totally understandable, especially if its something you've been trying for for sometime."

Olivia went to correct her but stopped, she didn't care to explain herself to a stranger. "I'm going to get some pictures for you both to take home, when you're ready feel free to invite your sister in, we're not far from being done."

"Okay…" Trevor replied.

"Go," Olivia told him, "go get Erika…" He leaned over and kissed her lips softly.

/

Olivia glanced up to see Erika coming in to the room slowly, smiling at her new sister-in-law. Olivia could sense her nervousness and her concern about overstepping a private moment.

"Come here…" Olivia waved her over excitedly. Erika seemed to slightly relax. She looked a little younger now that she wasn't wearing her professional attire. She was dressed in a pair of distressed jeans and a white v-neck.

Erika and the Doctor shared a polite hello. Olivia reached out for Erika's hand… "look at your neice or nephew…" she pointed on to the screen.

Erika was already an inch away from losing control of her emotions. "Sit," Trevor commanded her, putting the stool behind her, placing his hands on her shoulders, guiding her in to the chair. He understood it was emotional for her, but he knew that she didn't want to miss being a part of it.

Olivia took her hand and squeezed it tightly. "Wow…" she murmured, her eyes full of tears.

The doctor allowed Erika to hear the baby's heartbeat a second time and pointed out to the three of them different things.

After they were done, Olivia sat up, wiping the gloop from her stomach and the three of them looked around at each other, finally laughing at how stupid and emotional they all were.

"I think we need to all go get some food or something after this, what do we think?"

"Pasta," Olivia told him, "I'm eating for two now, remember?" she joked.

Trevor laughed, "Anything the queen wants, the queen shall get," he replied, helping her up off of the bench. They waited for the doctor to come back with some copies of the photos of the ultrasound.

"Are you all good, kiddo?" Trevor asked his sister.

Erika looked up and smiled at him, giving him a nod. He put an arm around her and gave her a squeeze. "You're gonna come and eat with us, right?"

"I might get back home, I have to study…" her voice trailed off.

"Its totally acceptable if you're upset," Olivia told her, "it's gotta be a double-edged sword, right?" she asked her.

Erika nodded but shrugged, "I am incredibly happy for you both but now I guess I have to process."

Before they could say anything else, the doctor returned. She gave them some photos they left.

"Let's go back to our place, come with us, Ez, we'll order some food and chat…" Trevor sensed his sister wasn't in a good place and it was either something that had been caused by their news or if the situation was bigger.

"No," she protested, "I should go, you guys need to have some time, that was a big deal."

"I actually am going to be bossy big sister and insist you come and hang out and eat some pasta with me and we don't have to talk about the baby, I barely have a child-free afternoon."

Olivia put her arm around Erika's shoulders and brought her closer. "You don't have to put a brave face on for us, this is a really fucking hard time for you, it's totally understandable."

Erika sniffed and said nothing.

/

Once they got back to the townhouse, Olivia put the sonogram pictures on the refrigerator where they could see them while Trevor went upstairs to get changed.

Once he had disappeared, Olivia turned to Erika. "Erika, I don't know you well, but… I have a good sense for things, are you doing okay? Take this baby out of the picture, are you okay?" she asked.

She glanced at Olivia, a thick film of water covering her eyes. "Don't tell Trevor, but …" she paused, "I quit my doctorate. I'm just… done with everything at the moment."

"Its okay to take a break," Olivia replied softly, "you sound like you've had a lot to deal with and sometimes you just need to take time to heal."

Erika quickly wiped her eyes. "I'm fine, I just need Mitch to stop harassing me and salting the wounds and I need to get back out there again and meet someone."

"You're so young," Olivia told her, "don't rush yourself."

"I'm sorry Liv, this is your happy day," she apologized, "this is why I need to go home, I need to just … get it out of my system."

"Is it okay if I come and give you a hug?" she asked, slowly making her way around the kitchen counter, "cos I think you need one."

"I'm okay," she said, fearful that the second she felt the physical comfort that she longed for from …anyone, she would unravel.

"I used to tell everyone I was okay too…" Olivia told her gently, "I'm fine, I'm okay, don't worry about me…" she recited the words, "but I wasn't fine and I wasn't okay and I desperately wanted someone to worry about me."

"Don't…" Erika choked out in a whisper, "please, I don't want Trevor to see me like this."

"Trevor is worried, he already knows you're not okay." Erika sat at the breakfast bar avoiding Olivia's stare. She could feel the warmth and maternal nature before Liv even touched her.

"He has enough on his plate."

"Nothing is ever too much for him when it comes to his baby sister," Olivia replied. Timing was everything and she knew Erika was barely holding her emotions in. She wrapped her arms around the tall woman who now suddenly seemed so small and so young.

As Olivia expected, she began to unravel. She wondered if the way she felt toward Erika was similar to the persistence Trevor had shown in the beginning. Olivia had been so self-conscious and so embarrassed that she had shown her weakness and that she had allowed someone to see that she wasn't as strong as she made out she was.

She felt his sister's body shaking. Olivia held her tightly and stroked her hair, telling her it was okay, to get it out of her system.

Trevor reached the landing of the stairs and glanced over at Olivia comforting his sister. He wasn't surprised, he knew that Erika was a thread away from losing it. He'd been sensing it for awhile.

He made a mental note to contact her ex boyfriend and to tell him to back off. He slowly made his way in to the dining area and leaned over, planting a kiss on the crown of his sister's head.

"We love you and we're here for you, Ez, stop running away from us," he told her. "We're family, you aren't hiding much from me."

He got her a glass of water. "Honey, its okay," Olivia repeated when she felt her pulling away. Trevor got her a box of tissues.

"I'm sorry," she apologized, "I've just… had a rough few months…"

"I know, but you don't have to keep it all to yourself, Ez," Trevor said, taking a seat on the stool beside her. He pushed the glass of water in front of her. "Here…"

Once she was done sipping it and wiping her eyes with a tissue she turned to Olivia and managed a thank you. "I tried to talk to Mom… and…" she shrugged.

"Mom's not always the person you want to go to when you need to hear comforting words."

"I finally told her … that Mitch and I broke up, that I got to the end of the line with the fertility screening and… her response was pretty awful."

"What did she say?" Trevor asked, finally feeling very defensive all of a sudden.

Erika took her time answering. She took a deep breath. "She said she wasn't that worried because you were able to give her grandchildren and then followed it up by telling me when I find a man who wants to keep me despite not being barren, I would have to be an award winning wife in order to keep him from straying."

"What…" Trevor's voice trailed, "are you serious?" he was horrified.

"I told you," she looked at him frustratedly, "you don't see that side of her because you are her favorite, you can do no wrong, but she has no time for being a mother to me."

Trevor was disgusted but he held it in, embarrassed for Olivia to hear about his mother's behavior before she'd had the chance to meet her. "I'm sorry she said that and it's absolutely not true. Olivia will tell you herself, there is always other routes to parenthood and we will always support you one hundred percent."

She nodded slowly, "its not just that, it's just a lot of things, I don't have the capacity to get in to them right now."

"Do you want to hang out here tonight? You won't have to go back to an empty apartment," Olivia offered. "We don't have to talk about anything, but it might be nice to see the kids—unless that's too much."

"The kids are never too much."

"Liv, we have Kat's party," Trevor reminded her.

"Oh, we don't have to go to that." Olivia smiled.

"Who's Kat? What's happening with Noah and Elly?" Erika asked.

"Kat is my junior detective… we'll call Lucy, the nanny to come stay with the kids but we don't have to go, a 25 yr old's birthday party is really above my pay grade," Olivia smiled at her warmly.

"No, why don't you guys go and I'll stay here and babysit, it might be nice to have some fun with them."

"Are you sure?" Trevor asked.

"Yeah," Erika nodded, "I'd like to get to know Noah and Eloise and I always have a lot of fun, she's always been the piece that makes me feel better when I'm feeling weird about not having kids."

Olivia smiled. "Okay, well we won't go long, just long enough to make an appearance and we'll be back early."

"You can crash here," Trevor said with a smile.

"Thanks," Erika smiled, "what time are you going? Cos I probably need to go home and get some things."

/

"Getting ready for a nap?" Trevor asked as Olivia slid beneath the covers of the bed.

She smiled and yawned, "Yep… I'm tired but… you could join me and exhaust me a little…"

Trevor laughed deeply. "My goodness you are insatiable."

Olivia laughed too, "You don't understand what this feels like…" she added, "it's such an intense feeling of .. not even lust just… pure desire and I can't get it out of my head."

He climbed over her and covered his body with his own, careful not to allow her to bear any of his weight. "I can help with that, I think…" he told her taking her face in his hands and kissing her intensely on the lips, his lips pressed hard against hers, the kiss lingering against her mouth as if he couldn't get enough of her.

He pulled away and smiled, looking in to her eyes. "You are the love of my life, Olivia Benson, did you know that?"

She grinned at him, "no…" she whispered, "but I do know that you are the love of mine…"

He kissed her again. "Everything about you is a giant fucking turn on to me… the heart you had this morning for our baby, the compassion you showed to my sister… you are the hottest."

"Your sister is in a really tough place," Olivia replied, reaching up resting her hands on Trevor's shoulders and shimmying in to a comfortable position beneath him.

He nodded, "She is and you are so good to her even though you barely know her and that means a lot to me."

She lifted her head and captured a kiss.

"I can't stand kissing you," she said bluntly as she pulled away.

"Oh really?" he smirked, his eyebrow raising at her. "Am I terrible kisser?" he asked, his voice getting a little low.

"The worst," she confirmed, but her grin said otherwise, "so slobbery, makes me recoil in disgust."

He chuckled, "Wow…," he tried to hold back his smile and show her his stern face but they both began to laugh at the silliness of it all. "What are you saying, are you saying you don't want me to kiss you anymore?"

"I'm saying that your kisses are so gross that I feel kind of sorry for you, so I'm willing to let you make out with me just to practice and hopefully get better at it," Olivia murmured.

"Like I said before, you have a heart of gold… taking pity on me like that, that is incredibly kind."

"I know," she replied, her eyes lingering over his lips, "I'm a really good person, Trevor."

He went to kiss her and as she lifted her head to meet his lips, he pulled back slightly just out of her reach. She let her head rest back down on the pillow. Trevor leaned back down, letting his mouth linger just microns away from hers. He pulled away again as she went in a second time.

The third time, she took his face in her hands and didn't let him move.

"Please just kiss me," she murmured against his mouth.

"I don't want to bestow such disgust upon you," he said softly.

"I was kidding," she replied, "you are the best kisser, I love your mouth, I love the way you kiss, you are incredibly talented with that mouth."

"Uhuh… tell me more…" he eyed her, his desire building.

"Its criminal, the kinds of things you do with that mouth…" she added, "I'm a lucky woman... I love your mouth…." She kissed him briefly, "all," another kiss, "over" and one last one, "me".

Trevor felt a shiver rush through him, his arousal becoming apparent from above her.

"Mmmhm, that's what I suspected, Captain," he grinned at her, "enough with this smart mouth…" he brushed his thumb over her moistened lips.

"I really want you to kiss me," she murmured.

The softness in her tone was enough to tilt him over the edge. He loved it when she asked him to kiss her. Her banter was cute and a whole lot of sexy.

He loved the vulnerability that showed once he pushed through her bravado. He loved the playful side and her flirting but she often used it as a way of trying to cover up that vulnerability – when she wanted him to show her how much he loved her rather than just a means to an end.

He pressed his lips against her, enjoying the closeness, the proximity of their bodies together, only the blanket separating them. She rested her hands upon his shoulders and he held her face in his hands as his lips parted hers and he tasted her tongue.

Trevor kept his kisses slow and soft, forming a rhythm, allowing his tongue to take a little dive in to her mouth every now and then—knowing just how much it drove her crazy. She moaned softly from the back of her throat and he felt himself harden a little.

He broke the kiss momentarily, getting in to the bed beside, getting rid of the blanket between them – Olivia had dedicated herself to her nap, even putting on pajama pants and a camisole.

Trevor pulled her close to him. He let his hands fall from her face to her collarbones. She reached up and covered one of her hands over his as he went back in for more kisses.

She turned to her side, getting more comfortable. She let go of him and felt a hand traveling down her arm and squeezing just enough to elicit a reaction from her. She leaned in, pressing his chest against hers. He could feel the heat of her body against him, hungry for him, desiring him stronger now than ever before.

His kisses turned hungry, more passionate. He ran a hand up her back, to her neck and ran his fingertips through her hair. His erection was growing and he knew she was starting to feel it. She lifted her leg over his hip. He reached down momentarily gripping her backside, pulling her close against him so that she could feel his bulge.

He made a hissing sound as he pressed his groin against hers.

Olivia's fingers where in his hair, scraping across his scalp. It felt too good, it was making him breathless and far too snug in his pants. He kissed her hard, wrapping his arms around her, drawing her as close as he could get.

Olivia let out another moan, barely audible and yet so sexy that he knew they both needed to lose some of their clothing.

Trevor dialed back the urgency of the kisses and made them a little lighter and softer; more lingering until he broke it off completely.

"What are you doing?" she wondered.

"Losing some clothes… how do you feel about that?" he asked.

She smiled, breathless. "That sounds amazing…" she replied closing her eyes briefly thinking about his length sliding into her.

Trevor shimmed off his clothes and pulled his shirt over his head and helped Olivia pull her own camisole over her head. He tossed it aside. "How wonderful is an afternoon to ourselves?" he asked with a little smile.

"It'll be even better when you're buried inside of me," she replied bluntly.

"Olivia!" he exclaimed, laughing. She laughed too but they were both aware that she was serious.

"Kiss me," she commanded him. He gave her his dazzling smile and went back to kissing her, down her neck, running his finger tips down her shoulders. Repositioning himself on top of her. She allowed him the room between her legs and linked her ankle behind his own.

Olivia closed her eyes and let her mind go. She wrapped her arms around him, gripping the bare skin of his back. Trevor could feel just how deeply she craved him.

He broke the kiss from her neck and met with her lips again. She immediately tasted his tongue against hers. His mouth covered hers and kissed her passionately, hungrily and in a way that caused the heat to cause a well of arousal between her legs. She was quickly turned on with her increased libido.

He left a trail off kisses down her neck, her chest, remembering that she didn't love her breasts to be handled too much, they were still a little too sensitive.

She let her hands find their way to his shoulders, focusing on his defined muscles. He was so beautiful, she thought.

She felt his hands resting softly upon the swell of her belly and his lips planting kisses over his unborn.

Olivia smiled to herself.

He moved further down and she felt his hand traveling up the inside of her thigh. She felt him explore her skin, drawing himself back up to meet his lips with hers as she felt his fingers brushing over her. She shivered against him. She felt his fingers grazing against her, sighing in to her mouth, feeling the evidence of her arousal.

"Fuck Trev…" she murmured, "please don't tease me."

He planted a kiss on the corner for her mouth and broke their mouth-to-mouth contact for a moment. She felt him slip inside of her. Her mouth parted and her eyes fell shut. She tried to keep quiet but remembered that she didn't need to.

When she opened her eyes, she found him studying her with a slight smile. "Is that okay?" he asked, moving in and out of her slowly, readying her for him.

She nodded shakily. "Yeah…" he leaned in close, resting his forehead against hers. Briefly letting their lips touch.

He pressed his thumb against the bundle of nerves at her apex and felt her writhe around a little. His movements were slow and torturous at first, intensified only by his stare, taking note of what she liked and what she responded best to. She could only ever praise him for how giving he was and how much attention he paid to her.

She grabbed his wrist as if she was going to stop him.

"Are you okay?" he asked.

She nodded, loosening her grip, "It just feels… almost like its too much…" she chuckled.

"Is this what you do when you're thinking of me and I can't get home?" he asked her bravely. Dirty talk had never been his specialty, but they'd both emotionally clicked so well and were open enough to say things that neither had ever really said out loud.

She opened her eyes and stared at him for a moment. "Yes…" she whispered.

A smile spread across his mouth. "Next time I'll need a visual aid…" he said with a little laugh, picking up his speed, letting his fingers pump in and out of her a little faster.

"Trevor…" she murmured, "I need you inside of me, I am so close and I want you in me…"

She didn't ever have to ask anything twice. He lifted himself up slightly and slid his hard penis inside of her and smiled. He moved in and out slowly at first but picking up speed, rocking inside of her, feeling her meeting his movements with a little more urgency than he was showing.

"Go faster, I'm aching for you," she told him. She looked up at him as he slammed his way in to her. She held on to him, gripping his skin with her nails. He was working hard, grunting as he thrust and breathing hard as she continually got wafts of his masculine cologne that some how managed to make it feel all the more urgent.

"Fuck… I'm so close…" she remarked. "Harder," she commanded.

He did as he was told, concentrating as hard as he could until he felt her tighten around him, coming hard, her orgasm rippling through her stronger than usual. He chuckled with happiness, as he continued on until he felt himself building up. He let out a grunt as he thrust inside of her again, filling her up. He leaned over her, catching his breath, grinning at her.

He pushed some stray hairs from her face. "I love you, you crazy, insatiable woman…" he kissed her a few times and laid down beside her, wrapping an arm around her, smoothing his hand over her belly.

"This is nice," she murmured, "thank you for obliging my every whim," she chuckled.

He smiled and kissed her cheek. "Now, tell me more about when you are alone and thinking about me."

She smacked his arm, "Moment's over, Trev, I can't talk about that now, my inhibitions came back."

"Okay, I can talk about it, you can listen."

Olivia lifted her hands and covered her ears, "No we are not doing this…" her cheeks heated up.

They both laughed as he pulled her hands away. He kissed her again. "I do love you very much my beautiful baby mama."

"I love you too." She replied, feeling incredibly content.

Usually they both got up for a shower straight afterwards, but he was content too, happy to lay with her and enjoy their quiet time together without the children being home.

"Liv, can I ask you something?" he started, turning to face her.

"Mmmhmm…" she replied, her eyes closed, covering his hand on her belly.

"I heard Eloise call you Mommy again when you put her to bed last week and I've heard her talking to Noah and speaking about you less and less as Livvy…"

She opened her eyes and turned to Trevor. She felt a little guilty. She had only attempted to correct her a handful of times. "I'm sorry," she murmured, "I've tried to correct her, but I find it really hard to explain…"

"I know, its okay…" he replied. "I know you kept saying that you don't want to replace her mother and I know you won't…. but does it make you uncomfortable?" he wondered.

"No, but it makes me feel guilty to Helena… but at the same token, I don't want to overstep or—"

"Olivia, I was thinking the other day, you're having my child, if Eloise calls you Mommy, I have less of a problem with it than I probably should. Unfortunately, as awful as I feel about it all, Helena made a very clear choice and she left her daughter without a mother and so I'm just saying, unless you are really uncomfortable with it, I'm okay to just let it be what it'll be."

Olivia nodded slowly. "It's becoming really confusing for both of them, isn't it?" she asked.

"Yes, especially when we both have a baby that is calling us both Mom and Dad, it seems like it'll start upsetting them."

"Just think about it Liv, I'm not asking you to make any decisions, but if you're not comfortable with it, you need to start getting serious about correcting her firmly, because right now it's too hit and miss for her, that's my concern."

"Okay," she said, "let me think about it."

"And for the record," he began, "I already think of Noah as my son. I just love him so much, I really wouldn't have any issues if you were cool with him calling me Daddy, in fact, I would be so honored, but you have to be totally okay with that too."

"Just… let me get my head around it," she told him sincerely. "I need to just …" she paused, "process what this will actually mean for us, and it's not that I feel adverse, its just… I have tried to avoid thinking about it."

Trevor smiled and kissed her upper arm. "No problems…"

She gave him a little smile. She turned her body back toward him and caressed his cheek softly, running her thumb over the soft bristles. He kissed her lips and reached up and returned the touch, grazing the bend of his forefingers over her face. "Why don't you snuggle in to me and I'll set an alarm and we can have a sleep."

"Sounds good," Olivia replied. He rolled over briefly to play with his phone, setting an alarm.

/

"How is it that you look so fucking sexy all of the time?" Trevor asked, pressing his lips in to her ear as the walked in to the bar. He rested his hand on the small of her back.

Olivia was wearing wide-legged high-waist black pants and a top that fitted her perfectly. She had even gone to the effort of straightening her hair. She had been anxious about her little bump showing, but Trevor assured her that unless someone was looking for it, they'd not notice, especially not under the low lights of the bar.

"I don't know…" she turned to him with a wink. "But you look pretty hot yourself."

She loved when he was a little more casual than his work attire. He wore a pair of dark blue jeans, a white-shirt and a blue sports jacket. He slipped his hand in to hers.

They were both in good moods and feeling happy to see everyone. Olivia approached Kat, guiding Trevor with her.

"Ohhh captain!" she exclaimed happily. Her hair was tied up high upon her head and she was wearing a lovely, floral tea dress, holding hands with another young woman who Olivia assumed was her girlfriend. "Mr. Langan…" she smiled.

"Please, it's Trevor, don't make me feel old."

Kat laughed. "Trevor, Liv, this is my girlfriend, Gina…" she introduced them. They both shook hands with the young woman who smiled politely, looking slightly out of her depth. "Thank you for coming."

"We wouldn't have missed it," Olivia fibbed, "happy quarter of a century, Detective." She gave her a hug and opened her bag and handed her a card.

"Oh," Kat blushed, "thank you, you didn't have to."

"Yes we did…" Olivia chuckled.

"I'm going to get us a drink, what would you like, my love?" Trevor asked Liv.

Olivia turned to look at him, "uh, I don't know, surprise me," she replied. "Thanks babe," she added. He let his hands graze across the small of her back as he went to get a beer and something non-alcoholic for her.

Once he had disappeared, Kat smiled at Liv and grabbed her arm. "I thought it was just a rumor," she chuckled, "is it serious?" she wondered, "I've heard stories about him but he is … incredible looking."

Olivia laughed, "Ummm, I guess it's pretty serious," she replied, swallowing her self-consciousness, "we live together?" she supplied, throwing a hand up.

Kat's mouth fell open, "Really? For how long! Who else knows that?!" she asked, shocked.

She shrugged, "A few months, I don't know who knows, I haven't been trying to keep it a secret."

"Wow! Good on you captain!" she exclaimed, "is it going well?" she asked.

"Very," Olivia replied as Trevor returned with a glass of lemon soda.

"Thanks," she grinned at him. Kat grinned at Trevor knowingly, making him feel slightly awkward.

"Elliot came in this afternoon, we were all talking about tonight so I felt obliged to invite him, I hope that's okay," Kat told them gingerly.

Olivia shrugged, "totally fine, we're all good," she fibbed. "We better go say hello to everyone," she nudged Trevor good naturedly.

"Don't freak out but… people don't really know we're living together," Olivia told him as they were out of earshot. Trevor stopped in his tracks and grabbed her by the arm gently.

"What?" he asked, hurt. "Why not?"

She turned to him, looking up to his gorgeous face. "I just… didn't tell anyone."

"Why? Are you embarrassed?" he wanted to know, thinking back to Olivia's insistence with Erika that they didn't have to attend the party. She picked up the pained expression on his face.

"No," she said quickly, "of course not, I just… didn't want it to turn in to office gossip, only Garland and Sonny know, well… Kat now, Fin knows we are together but doesn't know we live together."

He stared in to her eyes, trying to determine whether or not she was genuine. "I am so proud to tell people we are together," he said slowly. "I will talk about you to anyone who will listen, that's how much I love you."

"I'm not embarrassed, Trevor," she said softly, realizing that he was upset. She placed her hand upon his hip. "Please don't make this a big deal because it's not."

She was becoming aware that people were staring at them. She knew Trevor looked as though he was getting heated.

"It's not a big deal to move in your child and yourself with a guy? And keep it a secret?"

"I don't care who knows!" she exclaimed a little louder.

Trevor wasn't convinced. "You know, Olivia, I'm always patient with you and I always give you time to consider what you want and need from me – I respect all of your decisions, whether or not you're okay with our baby calling me Daddy and our eldest son not, whether or not you're okay with Eloise calling you Mom – but how are you going to be okay with any of that if you're not okay with people knowing that we're together and serious and living together."

She let her eyes fall closed again for a second. She drew in a deep breath. "Trevor, I am not embarrassed. I am in love with you, I am having a child with you – I am incredibly proud to be with you, but I have always taken a little longer to get there than you."

"Yes but—"

Before he could say another word, she set her drink down on the small bar table that was beside them and grabbed his face in her hands, guiding him down to kiss him. It wasn't just a chaste kiss, but a long, lingering, tongue-in-mouth, slow kiss.

When she pulled away, he looked a little startled. There was an absolute hush around the bar. He glanced around, embarrassed, his cheeks flushing.

Olivia heard Sonny whistle and a couple of sets of hands clapping. "Go Liv!" Kat called out. She couldn't help but to laugh at Trevor's face. "See, I don't care who knows." She turned to see some of the faces staring at her and caught Elliot at the back of the bar chatting to someone.

She covered her face, embarrassed.

Finally Trevor smiled to himself, he picked up her drink and handed it to her. "Lucky you're so fucking adorable," he murmured.

"Hear me," she said to him firmly, "I love you and I am not embarrassed. By the time we leave tonight, everyone that I know in this bar will know we live together, okay?"

"Okay," he murmured.

/

Trevor seemed comfortable hanging out with Sonny for most of the night who was flanked by Amanda. Everyone could see how in love with her that he was but just how little she seemed to care. It sometimes irritated Olivia who cared a great deal for Sonny, but she tried to stay out of it.

She smiled as she stood by the bar waiting to get another drink. Trevor was looking much more at ease and it looked as though he was sharing a joke them.

She felt relaxed, a little tired, but overall happy to be there.

She felt her phone chime and plucked it out of her clutch and checked it. It was from Melinda. She felt her breath hitch in her throat.

She slowly opened the message, wanting to throw the phone in the trash. "Hi Liv, sorry it took so long to get back to you, I had the results earlier but I got busy. All good, your results are fine, no neural anomalies, nothing conspicuous, looks like you have a very healthy baby! Congratulations, breathe, now and enjoy the ride! See you through the week."

She let out her breath slowly, relief flooding her. She tapped out her response. "I could kiss you but I might save that for Trevor, thank God, thank you Mel! You are the best. Sonogram went well, baby is great! SO EXCITING!"

"Hey Liv…" she almost jumped a mile at Elliot's voice.

He stood beside her at the bar, placing down an empty glass.

"Hi," she replied, giving him a weak smile. She hadn't spoken to him since he received the inappropriate message. "How are you?" she asked, slipping her phone back in to her clutch.

"I'm alright, wondering what I'm doing here though," he replied, avoiding looking at her, staring at the bar.

"What are you doing here?" she wondered, "I mean," she paused, "sorry, that was rude."

"No," he said quickly, "I get it, it's your territory and I shouldn't be here, but I guess…" he paused, "I wanted to talk to you."

She felt the tension rising within her. "Okay… what do you want to talk about?" he pulled out a stool and sat down at the bar. She did the same, trying to be gracious and not rude.

"I guess, I just want to apologize for what happened when Trevor got hurt – you are right, I should have known better, I-"

"No," Liv gave him a weak smile. "That wasn't your fault, how many times did we invite the DA in with our assailants, I was just scared something terrible had happened and I'd had a bad day and you wore it, so I'm sorry about that."

He held up his hand, signaling that it was okay.

Something had changed within Elliot since he had arrived back. His presence was darker, more foreboding, he wasn't coping but Olivia recognized that while it was okay to be understanding and even compassionate, it wasn't her job to try to fix it anymore – if it had ever been at all.

The bartender appeared and Olivia looked back to find Trevor, he was looking right back at her, his stare was asking her if she was okay. She gave him a little smile to assure him. He gave her a subtle thumbs-up and went back to his new friends.

"Two scotch on the rocks-" he told the bartender and turned to her, "have a drink with me for old times sake, Captain?"

"No thanks," she smiled, "but I'll have a ginger ale actually," she replied.

"What?" he laughed, "did you go soft on me?"

Self-consciously, she sat forward, hoping her little bump wasn't visible like Trevor had promised. "No, I just don't feel like alcohol tonight. I have to go home and probably get up a million times in the night with Elly."

"Oh yeah, I forgot, you're shacked up now…" she half-expected him to be jealous but if anything, he seemed amused.

The bartender came back and handed them both their drinks and Elliot laid a couple of bills on the bar in payment.

"Yep… living at Trevor's townhouse, domestic bliss and all of that," she smiled faintly.

Elliot clinked glasses with her. "Congratulations, Olivia," he replied, "I am genuinely glad to see that you are happy."

He paused and willed himself to say the words. "So… when is the baby due?" he asked softly.

Her eyes said it all, they opened wide in shock and stared at him wordlessly for a few moments. "W-what?"

Elliot chuckled, he didn't mean to be rude or smug about it, but he couldn't help but to laugh to alleviate the pain that rippled through him when he realized that what he had suspected the second he saw her had been right. He had noticed that she had a slight swell in her stomach, that she had been carrying around non-alcoholic drinks when the Olivia he knew, loved to have at least one glass of wine or a spirit. He had witnessed her constant exhaustion, her emotions and the way she'd been puking on and off when they had worked together.

"I've been a father five times, I know the symptoms…" he murmured.

"Maybe I'm just sick," she replied.

"Yeah right, come on Liv, it's me, I know you."

"No," she replied firmly, "no you don't Elliot… and I don't even think you knew me then, I kept so much of my heart from you and—anyway, it doesn't matter. I'm with Trevor and we are so happy Elliot and I'm sorry that you're having a rough time but you don't get to analyze my life, my body, what I'm drinking or not…"

He rubbed his face in agitation. "Olivia, I'm trying so hard here to be…" he stopped speaking and started again, "I don't want to be the guy that I was 10 years ago or more. I'm trying so hard to be … different, less selfish, more understanding and a… better person and I want you to please recognize that I am happy for you, wherever you are in your life, whoever you are with – I am rooting for you."

Olivia stared at him and could see that her was broken. She gave him a little bit of credit, he'd shared more of his heart in a few moments than he had in the years she'd known him. "I'm pregnant and nobody knows except Trevor and Melinda so do not repeat it," she said, "and I'm happy and Trevor is happy, it's a surprise but it's a happy one."

Finally she saw a smile spread across his lips. "How did Noah take it?"

"The kids don't know yet, we wanted to make sure everything was okay and wait til I get a bit of a belly so they have something tangible to connect to the news," she told him.

Elliot could tell she was genuinely happy, her cheeks grew rosy as she became more comfortable, telling him.

"Is Trevor good to Noah? I mean, are you both happy?" he asked, worried that the question might upset her.

"Yes, Trevor is …" she paused and smiled in to her ginger ale, "a fantastic role model for Noah and there's been a lot of times where Noah has been an afterthought of a relationship, but …maybe cos Trevor already had his own child and understood that side of it… he's always included Noah, he's always given Noah the same time as he's given me, he is a good … father to him, I guess."

Elliot nodded understandingly. "I am glad to hear that. I've been working with Trevor now for a few months and I think … despite the fact that he was working with the enemy for years," he smiled briefly, "I think he's a good person he sincerely wants you to be happy and I can respect that and relate to that. You deserve it and you and Noah deserve to have someone you can lean on."

"I don't think I told you…" her voice trailed off, "I adopted Noah…"

Elliot laughed, "I actually thought … he was Dean Porter's kid."

Olivia managed to laugh too, "No thank you, he was actually part of an investigation – orphaned and I took a special interest in his adoption case… and by chance it all went my way and I took him home and .. Trevor actually became my adoption lawyer, so he's known Noah since day one…"

"So you've had that connection for awhile then…" Elliot remarked, putting the pieces together.

"Yeah but… he still wasn't my favorite person – we just met by chance early in the year around the time you came back actually… so it's been about 7 months, I would guess."

"How's it going with his daughter since her Mom passed?" he asked and Olivia started to feel a little more comfortable. She shrugged. "She's so young, confused with my role. She's calling me Mommy on and off—"

"Well, you're gonna be the Mom to the other two kids—"

"I know," she realized what he was getting at. "Its just a hard thing."

She thought about Trevor and Noah's relationship wistfully.

Elliot was right there always had been a connection between them. She remembered when she had been frightened of Noah's biological father trying to get access to him. Olivia had been too inconsolable to even hold her son; the only time she didn't care if anyone saw her emotion. Trevor had taken him for her; he'd made her son smile and played a little game with him on the floor of her office until Olivia was able to pull it together… and all of the times after, after him, after Noah's grandmother, Trevor had been there as a constant, working to keep Noah in arms that loved him the most; hers.

"Well, you have to do what's comfortable, but I'm very happy for you if you're happy, you got your family, just like you wanted… a good father to your children and a supportive partner who has your back."

It burned him to say all the words out loud. They weren't necessarily untrue but it certainly punctuated their story. He needed the time to accept the obvious. Olivia would never be his, he had ruined it. If they managed to salvage a friendship then that was going to have to be enough.

Elliot even questioned if he could stand to be friends with her with the constancy of her relationship with Trevor beneath his nose. But, Olivia was somebody he definitely didn't ever want to hurt again nor did he not want her to be a part of his life.

"Thanks Elliot, he is a good father, better than I could have hoped for my son." As she thought about it, she realized it was true. She had no idea why she had such a hang up about Noah calling him Daddy. She was going to have a baby that she was excited for Trevor to be Daddy to. In the beginning when Noah was pushing for Trevor to take on the title, she was afraid that Noah would become attached, that Trevor might leave – but they were having a child together, it made sense for them all to be calling the two of them the same thing.

Otherwise, it was all just too confusing.

"How are you doing?" she asked him, "you look like you haven't slept in weeks," she remarked.

He gave a laugh, "I haven't… I keep seeing her face…" he paused, "Kathy's…" he added.

"I'm sorry," Olivia replied. "Be with your kids, Elliot, they love you so much, they always have, show them your heart, not your stern side, that's all they've ever longed for."

He nodded. "Yeah, their stubborn screw-up Dad isn't really cutting it at the moment."

"You're not a screw up, you just get caught up trying to protect them that you forgot how to just give them a hug and a kiss. They're hurting too El, you should just go and see them, make amends, talk to them and hear them out – don't shut down on them."

He gave a half smile and finished his drink. "You're right, I'm gonna bow out while its still early. I need to go see Eli." He paused and looked at her and smiled, "I'm happy if you're happy, Captain and let me say it one more time – regardless of how much you said you didn't need to hear it –" he paused.

She said nothing either.

"I am sincerely sorry for leaving the way I did. If I could go back and change it, I would. There is probably nothing that will ever make up for it and if I'd known what'd happened with...-"

Olivia held up her hand, "don't say his name," she said quickly, "don't… I can't. Don't apologise for that."

"Okay," he said softly, "but I mean it, I am very sorry."

Olivia shrugged, "I survived without you. You were … too important to me, so maybe it was for the best."

He nodded and set his empty glass down. "Goodnight Olivia."

"Goodnight Elliot."

/

Olivia watched Elliot leave and picked her phone back from her bag and sent Erika a message. "All good with the kids, Ez?"

She picked up her glass and headed back to Trevor and Sonny and Amanda.

Her reply came through instantly. "Yep, Eloise is in bed asleep. Noah and I are playing Minecraft together for 20 more minutes and then I'll put him to bed. This is just what I needed tonight. Thank you guys."

Olivia smiled and showed Trevor her texts.

"She's playing Minecraft with Noah?" he laughed quizzically. "Weird. She's always been in to videogames. Jeez, she'll be the one Noah will have to rip away from the tablet." He joked.

They both laughed.

"Anyway, I was thinking we might head home soon, what do you think?"

Trevor looked at Olivia, wondering if she was okay from her chat to Elliot. "Of course, if you like…"

"I just miss the kids and I think we should hang out with your sister a little bit." She replied.

"Sure…" he smiled and put his arm around her.

"You two are so cute together," Amanda remarked. It seemed almost patronizing and Olivia brushed it off. Trevor smiled. He finished his beer and Olivia set her drink down.

They said goodbyes and went to see Kat and wished her happy birthday again before leaving the bar.

/

"Are you cold?" Trevor asked, shedding his jacket, putting it over her shoulders.

"I'm fine Trevor," she told him, taking his hand. "I don't want you to freeze."

He chuckled. "I'm fine too. Did everything go okay in there?" he asked her, "I saw you chatting intensely with Elliot."

"It was fine…" she replied, "actually in a way it was good. He guessed I was pregnant."

"What?!" Trevor rose an eyebrow, "how?!"

"He said as a five-time dad, he saw the symptoms, possibly before me but… it is what it is and he made me realize something very important."

"Which was what?" Trevor asked nervously as they walked a block toward their place.

"It was that … you've been a part of Noah's life since he was a part of mine and you have always been there for him and for me when it mattered. I know you weren't looking to be his Dad and you were still married when I got custody of Noah, but before me you were always looking out for him and …" she paused, "I think you're an incredible Dad – to Eloise and to him… so if Noah wants to call you Daddy, I'm okay with it. And as for Elly, if she starts to call me Mommy and interchanges that with Livvy, I'm cool too. If she decides to call me Mommy permanently, my heart is entirely open."

Trevor stepped aside out of the way, close to a building on the street-side. He pulled her close to him and wrapped his arms around her. "Ugh," he sighed, "I love you. I can't fucking tell you enough…" he remarked, feeling relieved for the constant conversations he had to have with Noah who really just longed for a father.

She let out a peel of laughter, surprised by his sweetness. He drew her close to me, ignoring the stares of others as they walked by. She wrapped her arms around him, glad for the heels that gave her a little more height against him. "I really wanted to give in to Noah—but I needed you to get there with me," he admitted.

"I know, I just… wanted to be sure and I'm sure…"

"Let me do something for Noah, to legitimize that title…is that okay?" he asked, smoothing her face with his unseasonably warm hands. A smile still lingering over his perfect lips. She adored him. He was so thoughtful and kind and it made her know she had made the correct decision for Noah.

"Like what?"

"I don't know yet… but, I want to make it official for him so he realizes that it's a special occasion. Like…." he thought for a minute, racking his brain for an example. He looked around behind her for inspiration, "maybe I'll take him out for a special day, just the two of us… I'll take him to a ball game and a boys afternoon and I'll talk to him about it and let him know that if he is comfortable, I'd love to be his father."

Olivia felt like she could explode with love for the man before her. She could see he was a little emotional. "That sounds amazing. Maybe I could do the same for Eloise, I know the meaning won't be as strong for her, but we could have that conversation."

Trevor smiled and nodded, wordlessly. He was afraid if he spoke his voice would be choked by tears. Instead he pulled her close to him and hugged her tightly. His affection said it all.

He kissed her temple with feeling, pressing his lips hard against her, lingering in the spot.

"I have one other thing to tell you…" her voice trailed as he let go of her.

He chuckled, "Uhuh?"

"I got the text from Melinda… baby is fine. Nothing of note showed up in the pre-natal screening. We have no reason to believe that there will be anything wrong with baby Langan."

"Thank God…" he murmured, kissing her again. "What a fucking day, huh!?"

They both laughed. "I'm giddy," he told her, "what a feeling, it's so crazy."

"I feel you," she replied. "It's surreal, huh?"

"Surreal is the perfect word for it," he agreed, "but I'm incredibly excited and just so happy about the way everything is working."

He let his hands slip in hers again.

"This is honestly all I ever wanted in my life, my heart, and I just can't believe it's happening… I don't even care that it's a bit later than I expected."

He squeezed her hand. He lifted it and kissed it. "Now all that's left is marriage." He winked, pulling her along a little.

Olivia laughed.

"I don't want to do a cheesy thing and propose any time soon," he told her, "I know we're having a baby and it's a little backward, but… when I propose, Olivia Benson, I want to mean it with every single fiber of my body, not from this archaic sense of responsibility."

She loved how passionate he was, how his words were intense with so much meaning behind them. "I only ever want you to marry me if you mean it with every bit of you," she smiled at him.

"But… maybe I will find you something special to wear as a placeholder for the meantime…" his voice trailed off. Olivia laughed.

"What, like a promise ring?" she teased, "to show people that you own me?" she joked.

He laughed too, "Yes, so that people know that you're exclusively Trevor Langan's property," he added smartly.

"Uhuh…." She slipped her arm through the bend of his arm and leaned against him, tired and cold and totally ready for pajamas. The walked the rest of the way home, not bothering with a cab or an uber.

It wasn't that far.