Eddie thought about leaving. He really had. For about two seconds. But then he realized that there was no way that was going to happen. If Buck thought he was stubborn, he hadn't seen anything yet. He'd gone to Buck's apartment for a reason and he wasn't leaving until they sorted things out. So Eddie sat down with his back against Buck's front door and waited.
He wasn't sure how long he'd been there before the door finally opened up. Foot traffic in the hallway was unusually high, so Eddie closed his eyes to block out the curious looks. He'd seen enough of Buck's neighbors in passing that he was pretty sure they recognized him, so thankfully no one called the cops on a random guy loitering in their building. This was already embarrassing enough. Especially when the thing holding him up was suddenly gone and he rolled onto his back like a turtle.
"Eddie? Buck's surprised voice exclaimed. Eddie popped his eyes open, finding Buck standing over him looking shocked. Eddie was equal parts relieved and annoyed that Buck had been inside the whole time, but hadn't let him in. He wasn't getting rid of Eddie now.
"Help me up," Eddie grunted, raising up his arms. Normally, Buck would instantly be hunched down, pulling him up as carefully as possible while pestering him about his well being. But right now, Buck looked like he was terrified to even touch him. Eddie sighed and started forcing himself up on his own, but seeing him struggle must've snapped Buck out of his stupor and he offered an arm, letting Eddie use it for leverage. Eddie didn't let him go once he was upright though. He latched onto Buck's wrist, standing right in front of him.
"Eddie-"
"Shut up for a minute," Eddie mumbled, pulling him in for an awkward hug. Their joined arms were smushed in between their bodies and Buck was as stiff as a board, but Eddie didn't care. He was the one who'd just left the hospital, but he needed to make sure Buck was okay. That he was still whole and there and not unreachable.
"Eddie."
"Come with me," Eddie demanded, breaking the hug to force Buck further into his loft. He kicked the door closed behind him then started for the stairs, not letting Buck go for a second.
"What-"
"I've got to pee like you wouldn't believe, but I'm not letting you out of my sight," Eddie huffed, walking into the bathroom and depositing Buck in the doorway. He was being ridiculous, but he didn't care. "Don't move. I will not hesitate to chase you."
"Alright," Buck grumbled under his breath, keeping his face pointed away as Eddie did his business. This discussion needed to be held with a clear head and an empty bladder, because it was probably going to take a while.
"Well, I feel better," Eddie joked, trying to lighten the mood a little. That was usually Buck's job and he was much better at it, but Eddie was pretty sure it wasn't going to be happening this time. There was too much tension in the air. It felt like it had when Buck was back at work after the lawsuit and Eddie was being petty. He never wanted things to feel like that between them again. "Buck-"
"Show me." Eddie looked up at him in confusion, finding Buck's gaze locked on the hat covering his head. Covering up the evidence of what happened.
"Buck."
"Show me," Buck demanded, balling his fists at his sides.
"It's not that bad," Eddie insisted. Buck wasn't swayed though. Eddie couldn't blame him, since he'd be the same way if Buck was hurt, but he really didn't want to show him. It would only make things worse and they were already terrible.
"Show me," Buck whispered, his voice breaking at the end. Eddie hesitantly reached up and pulled the beanie off his head, exposing the bandage that was still wrapped around his wound. Buck let out a strangled sound that cut straight into Eddie's heart.
"It's just a couple of stitches," Eddie said quickly, trying to diffuse things before Buck broke down completely. "We've had worse."
"I did that! I hurt you!" Buck shouted, wrapping his arms around his waist as his body started to shake. "I hurt you."
"I'm okay. And you didn't mean to." Eddie stepped forward and reached out for Buck, but he pulled away, backing up until he was standing next to his bed.
"That doesn't matter! I hurt you!"
"Buck, please. We can talk about this."
"What is there to talk about? I can never make up for what happened. For what I did."
"There is nothing to make up! I'm not angry and I don't blame you for what happened," Eddie argued. If anything, Eddie blamed himself for not doing something to help Buck before it got this far. And for not being able to stop Buck from running off after all this happened.
"I'm supposed to protect you! How could you ever trust me again?" Eddie could see Buck's eyes shining with tears, but he was fighting to keep them from falling. All he wanted to do was pull Buck into his arms and hold him there until he abandoned all of his deep-seated self-loathing, then fill that hole with all the love Buck deserved.
"You were trying to protect me. And you're the person I trust most in this world. That's never going to change."
"It should."
"It won't."
"Can't you see that I'm bad for you? I'm supposed to have your back, but I always fail."
"What are you talking about? You've never failed me!"
"What about when you were stuck in that well? You almost drowned having to save yourself."
"Buck, there was nothing you could've done! And from what I've heard, you never gave up trying to find a way to help."
"And then you got shot. All I could do was stand there and watch!" Buck panted, working himself up.
"You pulled me out of the line of fire and kept me alive until we got to the hospital. That was everything you could've done. Neither of those things were your fault."
"So tell me how this isn't my fault. Tell me it wasn't my hands that gave you those stitches and that concussion. Tell me that it wasn't because of me that you woke up in a hospital bed again," Buck challenged.
"You weren't trying to hurt me. It was a mistake."
"But what happens next time? And what if it's not just you that I hurt?"
"What're you-"
"I can't be Christopher's legal guardian."