Hey guys! Thank you for all the amazing comments. I really wanted to write a long Author note but Ive been called to my job early today so I am posting this on the fly! I didnt even get to edit the last few pages so apologies for any stupid mistakes! YOURE ALL SO WONDERFUL! Thank you to you ALL for taking time to leave a comment it means so much to me and it inspires me to keep on writing even when im not very inspired. THANK YOU THANK YOU! 3
Just as they walked in the door, Olivia got a text message. She read through it and turned to Trevor. "Are you missing something?" she wondered.
He glanced at Olivia quizzically. She cocked her head at him. "Check your pockets…"
He felt around for his wallet and phone before cursing. "Shit… I don't have my phone."
"Its okay," she replied, texting back the message she received. "Carisi has it, he's coming to drop it off to you, he's on his way home."
"Oh that's really nice of him, tell him thanks." Trevor replied.
Olivia put her bag down in the kitchen. Erika emerged from the living room. She was in pair of gym pants in a cute little t-shirt, looking to Olivia as though she was far younger than her age.
"Hey how was the party?" she asked them.
"Exactly as you'd expect a 25 year old party to be," Trevor smiled, going to the fridge to grab a beer. "Want one?" he asked his sister.
"Sure…" she accepted his offer. Trevor twisted the top 'til he heard it hiss and then handed it to his sister and took another out for himself. "I didn't expect you guys to be back so soon."
"We're too old," Olivia replied with a laugh. "Also, I'm tired."
Olivia got herself some crackers to snack on and took a seat at the dining table. "Do you want some tea or something, Liv?" Erika asked watching the relief cross her face as she was finally able to sit.
"No thanks, I'd prefer a beer but since I can't have that… I'll make do with the Grahams."
Erika came to sit down by her and made a face. "Sorry you can't have beer. Maybe Trevor should stop drinking in solidarity while you're pregnant."
Olivia laughed, catching the look of panic and horror spread across Trevor's face.
"Hmm might be a nice idea," Olivia teased with a wink at him. She received another text and it was from Carisi. He had arrived but didn't want to ring the bell in case it woke the kids.
"Carisi is here…" Olivia told Trevor, going to get up.
"No, its okay, I can get the door…" Trevor set his beer down and went to the door.
"Who's Carisi?" Erika asked curiously.
"One of my detectives, Trevor left his phone at the bar so he just brought it back for him." Olivia replied.
Surprising her, Olivia heard the voices follow through until they reached the same room. Trevor had invited Carisi in. It wasn't that Trevor wasn't hospitable, it was just that it was getting late and she assumed he wouldn't have been long out of bed.
"Hey Liv," he greeted her with a smile. Carisi was still dressed in his grey-suit that he had obviously been in all day at work. Olivia lifted her hand to wave and noticed the second his eyes clocked Erika. His blue eyes lingered slightly as a smile crossed his lips.
"Hello," she waved politely.
Olivia saw Erika's face too, her eyes slightly widening. Erika sat up straighter, immediately ran her fingers through her hair. "Beer?" Trevor offered, cutting through the weirdness, not picking up on any immediate vibe.
"Oh, no thanks," he held up his hand, "I won't stay long."
"Sonny, this is Trevor's sister, Erika. Erika, meet Sonny, Sonny is one of my senior detectives and one of Noah's absolute favorite people," Olivia introduced them.
Sonny stepped closer and took Erika's hand and shook it firmly. "Pleasure to meet you, Erika."
"You too," a tight, closed-lipped smile made its way across her mouth.
"Actually, a beer might be nice…" he peeled his eyes away from Erika and turned back to Trevor.
Olivia was too tired to commit to an emotion about how she felt about their wordless interchange but was sure that Trevor hadn't even picked up on it.
"Sure," Trevor turned back to the fridge and got him a drink out. "Take a seat… we're just hanging out."
Sonny glanced at Trevor and his eyes caught on something behind him. He squinted to see it and glanced at Olivia, her feet resting on a dining table chair that was half pulled out.
"Liv… what is that…" he asked slowly, nodding toward the ultrasound photo that she had earlier put on the refrigerator.
"What?" she asked, all of them looking up. She felt her gut lurch realizing what his eyes had settled upon. He finally saw it and remembered Olivia's exhaustion and sickness that she kept telling them was an iron deficiency.
"You're… you're pregnant!?" his grin was so wide that Olivia couldn't try to cover it.
"Oh shit…" Erika chuckled, taking a swig of her beer, trying to cover her own laughter. "You got busted…"
Olivia said nothing and smiled and shoved her hand in the box of honey grahams and pulled out another, looking a little smug.
"Are you?"
"Uh…" Trevor clamored over what to tell him, unsure of what Olivia wanted to say but by the look on her face, she seemed relaxed and amused and didn't seem to care.
"Captain!" Carisi pressed, he looked at Trevor, "How long have you known! How did I not see it!" he exclaimed with a laugh, "Captain that's amazing! Congratulations, Trevor…. Wow!"
"Thanks Sonny," Olivia smiled at him, her most trusted detective. He came toward her and opened his arms for a hug. "Congratulations, Mazel Tov!"
Olivia hugged him back and grinned. "Thank you so much Sonny but you need to keep your mouth shut for a little while…"
"You got it…" he pulled away. He shook Trevor's hand and congratulated him.
"Oh," Trevor started, "it's actually not my baby."
Sonny's face dropped and he looked around awkwardly, "Oh- I'm-"
"You asshole," Olivia started to laugh, shocked by Trevor's joke. She reached over and smacked him in the arm.
Their friend looked confused and horrified that he'd made some kind of social faux pas.
"Ouch!" Trevor chuckled too, "Sorry, I'm joking, of course it's my baby."
Erika and Olivia both laughed and Carisi looked awash with relief. "That would have been very awkward…"
"Take a seat, Sonny…" Trevor pulled a chair for him.
Sonny sat directly across from Erika and smiled at her. He couldn't get over how beautiful her eyes were and her smile… He could barely stand to look at her.
Olivia went to move her legs from the chair so Trevor could sit down, but he stopped her, "its okay, my love," he smiled, he lifted them gently and sat down, placing her ankles in his lap.
She almost jumped at his warm hand caressing her ankles, "Forgive me, you know I was only kidding…"
"Its okay…" Olivia replied.
"So tell me about the baby…" Sonny pressed, "how long have you known?"
"About four weeks…" Trevor answered. "We just did the scan today…"
"Oh that's exciting. Does anyone else know?"
"No! Nobody, well, except Erika. The kids don't even know yet so, please…" Olivia told him.
He smiled. "I won't say a word. I'm so excited for you both… you can't be that far along?" he pressed.
"12 weeks…"
Carisi turned back to Erika, daring to look at her. "And you're going to be an aunt, congratulations to you too!"
"Thank you," she flicked her eyes up shyly to meet him. Trevor wasn't entirely sure, but he figured it was her attempt at flirting with the detective.
"Are you an incredible over-achiever like your brother?" Carisi asked, not skipping a beat. Trevor threw a look at Olivia who hid her smile and reached for his hand over the table top and gave it a little squeeze.
Erika laughed lightly and tossed her hair over her shoulder. "No, no, Trevor is the smart one…"
"Liar," Trevor replied. "Erika is the youngest professor at NYU in the field of Molecular Biology."
"What!" Carisi blinked, his face warm and full of joy, impressed by the fact that the beauty that sat before him obviously had more brains than he did.
"And, Erika is working on her epidemiology Masters."
"Stop it Trev," she blushed, "that's enough."
"Well… that's incredibly impressive. How old are you?" he paused, "wait no, sorry, that's so rude."
Trevor realized very quickly what was happening by the eyes their colleague was making at his sister. Olivia seemed amused but Trevor knew she was just exhausted.
"No it's fine… I'm 30," she replied.
"Wow… Trevor she makes you look like a dummy." Carisi laughed.
"Mmmhm," he nodded. Erika could see Trevor's protective wall starting to rise. "She certainly works hard, not a lot of time for much else."
"I dunno," Erika shrugged, vexing her brother, "I manage to find a lot of free time…" she shrugged.
Olivia almost laughed but she said nothing.
They chatted for a short while until Trevor could see Olivia's eyes getting heavy. He really wanted to get Carisi away from his sister. "Honey, I think you need to go to bed…" Trevor told Olivia gently.
"Oh shoot, you're right," Carisi said, standing up. "I should go… and let you guys get some sleep. Are you on tomorrow Liv?" he asked, standing up from his seat.
"Afternoon shift," she replied. She couldn't think of much worse than starting work at 2pm and having to stay until midnight.
"Okay, well we'll probably pass each other, but rest up Captain, if you need anything, let me know."
She smiled at him. He turned to Erika, "Lovely to meet you again, maybe I'll see you again soon."
Not likely, Trevor thought.
/
"Who. The. Fuck. Was. That!" Erika hissed to Olivia.
Olivia started to laugh, she had been waiting for it. The second that Trevor had walked Carisi out. "You like what you see, huh?"
"He is gorgeous!" she widened her eyes in shock. "Like, really, really good looking, I could barely look at him!"
"I think he liked what he saw too," she replied. "he's a very good man."
"No ring, no girlfriend? No complications?"
"No, Erika." Trevor said bluntly coming in to the room. "We don't shit where we sleep."
"What?" she asked, raising her eyebrow, laughing at her brother's absurdity.
"We don't entangle family in work lives; I'm happy to tell Sonny that too. Not a chance that is happening, there's that whole mess with Amanda."
"Wait," Olivia said softly, "aren't we shitting where we sleep?"
"Well, yes but we are different…" Trevor replied stiffly.
"How? And for the record, how do you know I'm looking to date this guy? I could just be looking to get Mitch out of my system…"
Olivia covered her mouth watching the child sister come out of Erika, the part of her that was purposely trying to get a reaction out of him due to his meddling.
"Ugh," he held up his hand, "don't… that's disgusting."
"You know, Trevor, we were almost a one-night-stand…" Olivia couldn't help but to interject thinking of how sexist he was being.
Erika rose her eyebrow.
"Olivia! You're not helping."
His sister snickered immaturely. "Uhuh, took Olivia back here for a roll in the old hay, huh?" she teased her big brother, "being a lil bit of a hypocrite, are we just?"
Olivia began to laugh. "Sleeper train, actually… but sure."
"It was not a one-night stand and you know it. I don't treat women like that!" he snapped.
"Well maybe I do want someone to treat me like that, I'm almost middle-aged, Trevor, you can't boss me around. Now I know the detectives name, I might look him up on social media – or I could call SVU and talk to him… you can't stop me…"
"I'm going to bed, you're being stupid," he replied, annoyed.
"Trevor!" Olivia reproached him, "don't you speak to your sister like that!"
He didn't listen, he marched past them and toward the stairs to their room.
"I'm sorry," Olivia apologized to her.
"I'm not," Erika giggled, "I'm just riling him up, I know its not nice but sometimes he gets a little big for his boots when it comes to this stuff. I have to take my little joy in watching his head pop or else I'd be infuriated with him."
Olivia couldn't help but to smile. "So that's what it's like to have an older brother, huh?"
She laughed. "Its fine, why don't you go to bed, Olivia, Trevor will need to vent."
They both laughed.
"Hey, did you guys actually have a one-night-stand?" she pressed, almost embarrassed to ask.
"No, but if I had it my way it probably would have been," she laughed, "I actually didn't even like him…"
"Hate fuck, I get it."
Olivia scolded her name. "No!" she couldn't help but to laugh, "is this how young people talk? Oh my gosh…" she shook her head, shocked, "No, it was more that we had dinner together by chance and we were vibing and his cabin was better than mine and … I ended up staying the night but that was it, nothing happened."
"Oh, disappointing… for you… but that's the part of the story I don't want to know about," she said, getting up. "I'm going to bed and I'm gonna need you to give me information on our friend Mr. Carisi."
"Oh no," Olivia shook her head, "I am not getting involved between you and Trevor…"
Erika smiled. "That's fine, I will find his details myself. Goodnight Olivia,"
/
"Oh," Trevor began, "I meant to tell you… Noah and I talked earlier in the week when I dropped him off… Connor is still being a little shit to him so I asked Noah if he'd like me to speak to his teacher or Connor's mom and he said yes, so I'm gonna chat to Mrs. Newcom this morning when I drop him off…." Trevor began casually as he pulled his socks on.
"What!?" Olivia exclaimed, "wait, how come this is the first that I'm hearing about this? Trevor!" she was irate, she sat up in bed. "What do you mean?"
"I'm really sorry, a lot happened that day and I just forgot… but it's okay, I really don't need you to worry, I can handle it."
"Yes! I don't doubt that, honey, but you need to communicate with me – I need to know if there's an issue with my kid!" she was frustrated with him, but not angry, "this is a priority, I need to know stuff like this, we're a team not a one-man operation."
"I get it, I get it…" he told her softly realizing that he'd made a mistake. "Honestly, I had other things on my mind that night. Noah and I had a talk on the way to school and he mentioned that Eloise had called you Mommy and it was the first I heard of it and you didn't tell me that… I'm not playing tit-for-tat, but that was going on and I was trying to get my head right with my role with Noah because again, that came up…"
"Okay," Olivia sighed, "well, tell me what happened, I need to know."
Trevor got in to bed and sat beside Olivia. He explained what happened, what he'd witnessed and the conversations that he had with Noah about Eloise, the question he asked and the chat they'd had before bed.
"So what do you plan on saying to his teacher?" Olivia asked.
"I just want her to know that Noah is upset and she needs to either speak to Connor's Mom or I will. Don't worry, I won't be a dick about it," Trevor replied. "I know how to control myself Liv, you know me, forever the diplomat."
While Olivia did know that he had the ability to always take the high road and act in a classy way about things, she did realize that he was protective of the things that he cared most for.
She decided to let him navigate the situation on his own.
/
"Noah, go put your bag away bud, I need to chat to Mrs. Newcom so why don't you go and play with your friends or read a book and I'll come and see you before I leave," Trevor told him.
"I don't want to," he pouted, looking behind him at Connor and two other little boys sitting at a table, putting together some magna shapes – Noah's favorite things to build with.
"Go on," Trevor urged him, "just go to your friends and you ask Connor if you can play, sometimes you have to be the more kind person even when you don't feel like it." He added softly, staring at the little boy in his big blue eyes. He felt sad that Noah was upset and didn't feel comfortable in his own classroom. "Would you like me to come with you?" he asked.
"No," he shook his head, avoiding Trevor's eyes. "I want to stay home with you and Mommy…" he wrapped his arms around Trevor's neck and rested his head on his shoulder. It was as heartbreaking as having to drop Eloise off on the days that she absolutely did not want to be at daycare.
He wondered how this tiny little person had captured his heart so quickly and how he really did feel a fatherly bond with him. "Noah," he started, briefly cuddling him back. "I can see you're feeling sad, bud, but I need you to be brave and I need you to go and play so I can talk to your teacher."
Noah peeled himself off and looked at Trevor from beneath his fused, angry eyebrows. "I don't like you today, Trevor," he muttered.
Trevor almost laughed but he held his mouth in a firm line and stared back at the child. "I know you're upset, that's fine, but I won't tolerate you being rude to me because you are sad. I will come and see you in a minute."
He pried Noah's arms from his shoulders and gently put them at the little boy's sides. He just stood and stared at Trevor for a moment, hoping for him to relent. "Do you want me to come over there with you?"
Noah nodded, pouting. Trevor took his bag for him and stood up straight and took his hand and headed over to the table where the boys were playing. The boys looked up at Trevor's foreboding presence. "Hello boys," Trevor greeted them.
"Hello," he realized that Connor was the same boy that Noah had been playing with when he'd been given his first Noah-task back when he started seeing Olivia, Trevor had picked him up from a playdate.
"Is it okay if Noah comes and plays with you boys?"
They nodded and said yes but Trevor knew it was only because he was there and they were probably slightly intimidated despite him crouching a little to seem less of a presence.
"Great, Noah be kind to your friends and I am sure they will be very kind to you too," he smiled. "I'm going to speak to Mrs. Newcom now and I'll see you before I go."
Noah finally smiled. Trevor wondered if that was all that was needed, some gentle words to ease him back in to the fold with his friends. He found Noah's teacher and waited for her to patiently finish with another student.
"Hello Mr. Langan," she greeted him with a smile, adjusting the glasses upon the bridge of her nose.
"Hi Mrs. Newcom, I just wanted to have a quick word with you about Noah if you have a moment," he smiled.
"Of course, is there a problem?" she asked.
"Well, yes I think so." He looked down at the aged older woman who looked maybe a little stern to be a kindergarten teacher. He glanced at the boys. Noah watched them playing with a little pout, not involving himself. He turned back to the teacher. "Olivia and I are concerned that Noah is being bullied by one of the boys here in his class."
"Oh, Mr Langan, I can assure you that won't go on in my classroom."
"With all due respect," he started, "Noah told me earlier in the week that a little boy who used to be his friend is not letting him play, encouraging other children to leave him out and is generally upsetting him."
The teacher glanced at Trevor and back at Noah with the boys. "I will keep an eye on it but I really don't think you have much to worry about. Children often change their minds about their friends, their circles of friends change daily. Who they call their best friend today might not be the case tomorrow – it's not from a spiteful place it's just-"
"I know that," Trevor interjected, "but I'm telling you that my son is not saying that friendship groups are changing, he is crying and telling me that no one will let him play because one child is discouraging it. You can imagine that it's heartbreaking for Olivia and I to have Noah come to us with this and not want to come to school."
Before Mrs. Newcom could say a word, he heard Noah's voice, "Don't!" he called, his voice in distress. He was protesting the little boy that was beside him. Trevor whirled around to see what was happening and caught the other child trying to shove him away aggressively while he was still seated, tilting the chair until it fell over, Noah toppling with it.
"Doesn't go on in your classroom, huh?" Trevor spat the words angrily as he reached Noah before the teacher did. He wanted so much to rip the child out of his own chair but the sound of Noah crying and possibly being hurt was the main priority.
He scooped him up and drew him close to him. "Its okay bud, I got you…" he said, lifting the chair and trying hard not to shove it beneath the table. There were other mothers in the room who were staring at the commotion. "Are you hurt?" he asked, ignoring the teacher doing a poor job of telling the boys off.
Noah held on to his forehead and Trevor figured he may have bumped it on the way down. "Its okay bud…" he murmured. He kissed his temple, "you're alright." Noah was deeply upset and Trevor felt terrible for forcing him upon the group of spiteful little kids that he really wanted to yell at.
He looked at the teacher who tried to apologize. She asked Noah if he was okay but Noah ignored her, turning his head away from her and burying his face in Trevor's neck.
"I'm taking Noah home until this gets resolved," Trevor told her firmly. "This clearly isn't a safe place for him and until it can be, he won't be returning so I suggest you get it under control. We don't send him to school to be bullied and pushed around," he spoke firmly, concisely and angrily, careful not to raise his voice but just to get his point across.
"Come on, buddy," Trevor kissed Noah's forehead again, "how do you feel about coming to work with me?"
Noah nodded tearfully in agreement.
"Okay great, let's get your bag…" he drew in a deep breath of annoyance as they made their way to leave.
/
"What's going on?" Olivia asked, looking up to find Trevor holding Noah who was clearly in no mood to say hello to anyone else in the station, even ignoring Carisi.
Trevor closed her office door behind her. "Do you wanna say hi to Mom and give her a cuddle?" Trevor asked Noah, setting him down.
Noah went circled his mother's huge desk as she rolled her chair away from it, opening her arms up, looking at Trevor quizzically. She clocked the lump on the right side of Noah's forehead. "What happened, sweetheart?" she asked him softly. "Did you get hurt?"
Noah began to cry again and Olivia engulfed him in a cuddle, lifting him on to her lap. "Its okay, it's just a bump, you'll be fine."
Trevor sank down and sighed. "One of Noah's classmates wasn't very kind to him this morning," he told Olivia speaking to her carefully, not saying what he really wanted to say.
"Who was cruel to you, sweetie?" Olivia asked, running her fingers through his curls. She knew that the rest of the conversation was probably better had without Noah there. She was annoyed with Trevor for taking him out of school when clearly they had to work.
There was a knock at the office door and Carisi stuck his head in, "Sorry to interrupt," he smiled, "I have Marissa Bourke on the phone, she wondered if she could talk to you – she said it's not urgent but she does sound upset."
"Uhhh… sure, Sonny do you have a second to take Noah to get him a small cookie or a healthy snack from the vending machine?"
"Of course…" Carisi picked up on the vibe of the room. Noah looked up, his interest slightly piqued at the sound of a cookie.
"Honey, go with Uncle Sonny, he's gonna get you something." Olivia urged her son, kissing his forehead.
"I want you to come," he pouted.
"I will, in a second, I have to talk to Trevor about something and then take a phone call but I won't be long, I promise." He looked at Trevor, "can you come?"
"In a sec bud, promise." Trevor smiled at him.
"Ya killin' me, man!" Carisi held on to his heart as if he'd been wounded, "you don't wanna hang out with your cool Uncle Sonny?" It elicited a small smile from Noah. He slid from Liv's lap and reluctantly took the detective's hand.
"Put Marissa through, I'll speak to her," Olivia told him. She turned to Trevor, "are you able to wait? Or can you at least see if Lucy can come and pick Noah up from here?"
"No, it's fine, I'll take Noah. Kara and I have spoken. Do your phone call, Ill wait," he replied. There was a little relief that flooded Olivia. She thought that Trevor had made an executive decision to take him from school and then expect her to take the day off to be with him.
Olivia's call came through and Trevor waited patiently, shooting off texts. He listened to his partner comforting a past victim. It warmed him every time he heard her exude such patience and sorrow for every single person that needed her support. It was more about listening to Olivia and less about talking.
Eventually she hung up with the promise to check in again with the woman at the end of the week.
She let out a big breath and sighed.
"I'm sorry, I just wanted to involve you and keep you in the loop." Olivia rubbed her forehead and looked at Trevor. "What happened?"
"I helped Noah approach the kids including Connor. They said Noah could play, I sat him down, I even emphasized for Noah to be kind and all was good…" He still felt guilty for putting Noah in an uncomfortable position. Child or not, he still didn't deserve to be somewhere that made him nervous or uneasy.
"I approached his teacher, explained what Noah had told me and she flatly told me bullying doesn't happen in her classroom and that its just the boys changing their friendship circle-"
"She has a point," Olivia crossed her arms and he could tell she was frustrated with him.
"No, Olivia," he said firmly, "that little shitty kid has been going around keeping other kids from playing with our boy. I'm not accepting that."
She went to say something, silently liking his emphasis on the fact that he too was a parent to Noah. It was the thing that made her relax a little and understand that it wasn't just him intervening it was him doing the right thing for Noah – after all, Noah had told Trevor and not her.
"Okay, so then what?"
"As she is looking me in the face basically listing off the reasons why its normal behavior, I hear Noah crying out for them to stop and one of the kids who I don't think is Connnor was trying to shove him out of the chair until the chair tilted over and Noah fell with it and hit his head…"
"What the fuck…" Olivia exclaimed, "are you kidding me?"
"Do I look like I overreacted?" he asked her slight irate that she could think that he had a knee-jerk reaction, "I know you think I'm being over the top but it was really nasty and poor Noah was shocked and upset and he got hurt and I don't feel safe with him in that class room until it's sorted. His teacher is an idiot."
Olivia rubbed her face and sighed. "Poor kid…"
"I got bullied as a little kid at school," he told her bluntly, "And I won't forget how that felt and I won't allow it to happen to any of my kids."
"Fair," Olivia agreed. "I dunno, your move," she shrugged, for once happy to relent and let him take responsibility. "I am swamped, I can't think about it right now…" she motioned to the stacks of paperwork. She scratched her forehead. She gave her head a shake, "Sorry, my brain just is barely switched on…"
"I know," he understood. She went to work early just to get rid of some paperwork and he knew she was stressed for the time she'd been spending at home. "Just… let me have the day with Noah and I'll contact the principal tomorrow and organize a meeting, maybe we can speak with Connor's parents."
"Okay… thanks for .. taking care of it."
Trevor smiled at her. "He's my kid too, remember…"
He got up and kissed Olivia gently on the lips. "Don't worry about this, Captain," he smiled, "I've got this. Noah and I will navigate it…we'll have a quiet day."
"Oh," Olivia thought suddenly, "I got those Yankees tickets for you and Noah from the guy that I know… He's emailing them through today. I'll print them and bring them home so you can go ahead and tell Noah if you like, that might cheer him up."
"Excellent. Thanks. Well, I'll get going with him so you can get on with things. I think we might go and get some lunch later but otherwise we'll just spend the day at home if you need anything."
"Thanks babe, love you."
"I love you."
/
"Are you excited for your boys day with Trevor?" Olivia asked Noah, helping him with the zip of his hoodie.
"Yeah!" Noah nodded excitedly, "I can't wait! We are going to see the Yankees Mommy!"
"I know," she grinned at him as Trevor came down the stairs with Eloise. They did the child swap. "You're coming with me today, sweetie," Olivia told Eloise, "we're going to have a girls day!"
"What are you doing?" Noah asked his Mom.
"I'm taking Eloise for a cupcake and a hot chocolate and then we're going to pick out a special doll or teddy bear, aren't we?" Olivia asked Eloise.
"Yes!" she exclaimed excitedly, "I can get any dolly I want, right Livvy?"
Olivia smiled. "Yes, my love, any doll you want."
Trevor leaned over and kissed Olivia's lips and kissed his daughter's cheek. "Love you both so much."
"Love you to the moon Daddy!" Eloise shouted at her Dad. He grinned at her. He was looking handsome in a pair of blue jeans, a long-sleeved black top and his puffy coat. He wore a Yankees baseball cap which he was planning on loaning to Noah.
"Love you too, Daddy," Olivia winked.
"Noah, what do you say to your Mom and Elly?" Trevor prompted Noah who was at the door ready to go.
"Bye!" he waved. Olivia and Trevor laughed at the little boy's dismissal. Olivia didn't mind, Noah was too excited to give her them any time.
/
"Okay bud, you get to choose today – where would you like to go to lunch? Shake shack, Wendys, McDonalds or somewhere else?" Trevor asked Noah as they got on to the street.
"Ummm can we go to a grown up place?" Noah asked. Trevor smiled at him.
"Sure!" he was delighted. He hated fast food. "What would you like? Maybe burgers and fries, or some chicken wings and fries?"
"Yeah! Burgers! Grown up ones!"
"Ok great, do you remember the place we went to the night when you and Mommy met me for dinner? Back when Mommy and I started being romantic?"
He nodded, "Oh yeah that stuff was fun! I liked the stuff on the walls!"
"Okay let's go there, do you want to do that?"
"Yes please Trevor!" Trevor reached down and gave him a high five and they continued on to the steakhouse where he and Olivia had met months and months back.
/
Trevor thought it was important to treat Noah a little more grown-up than usual and together they chose to order a bunch of different taster plates. He encouraged Noah to try some new things so they chose some spicy wings with blue cheese dressing, some greens, sliders and some mac and cheese. Trevor ordered himself a beer and Noah had a ginger ale.
"After we leave here I want you to help me with a really big job!" Trevor told Noah.
"What is it?"
"We are gonna pick out a nice piece of jewellery for Mom to wear but it's a big secret and you aren't allowed to tell her until I tell you its okay. Can I trust you with that?"
Noah looked at Trevor with his baby-toothed grin and made the motion to zip his lips.
"Good man!" Trevor replied as their food arrived. "We might not buy it today, but you can help me pick something…"
Their food arrived quickly and Trevor put a couple of things on Noah's plate. "Hey bud, I wanted to talk to you about something that's very important."
"Okay, am I in trouble?" Noah asked slowly.
Trevor smiled, "No buddy, I wouldn't be taking you to the baseball if you were getting punished for something."
"What do you want to talk about."
Trevor helped Noah push up his sleeves before he took a bite of his burger. "Well… I decided to take us on this special day because I wanted to tell you this important thing."
Noah spooned some mac and cheese in to his mouth and looked at Trevor expectantly.
"Mommy and I have been talking and we talked about Eloise calling your Mom her Mom… are you okay with that?"
Noah thought for a moment before nodding. "Eloise's Mommy was sick and she's dead now so Eloise doesn't have a Mom and if I didn't have a Mom I'd be so sad, I don't want Eloise to not have a Mommy so I can share my Mommy."
Trevor smiled at his compassion; also taken by how black and white death seemed to Noah. He didn't have the capability to humanize it just yet, but Trevor knew that that would come with age. He didn't want the kids to have to understand death just yet.
"Trevor, why can Eloise call my Mom her Mommy but I-"
"I know what you're going to ask, Noah and Mom and I agree, it's not fair that you share Eloise with your Mom and that Eloise isn't sharing me with you…"
He paused, "Noah, you are very special to me. When you and your Mom came in to my life it was the loveliest thing that happened to me in such a long time and one day I am going to marry your Mom and tonight Mommy and I have a special surprise for you and Eloise but … today, I want to tell you that I would love to be your Dad."
Noah listened and took in what Trevor was saying. "You wanna be my Daddy?"
Trevor nodded. "It would be such a huge honor to be your Dad if you are comfortable enough to call me that."
"Does Mommy say its okay?" Noah asked slightly unconvinced.
"Of course, Mommy is happy for you to call me whatever you are comfortable with. If you don't want to call me Dad, you can call me Trevor, if you want to call me Daddy like Eloise then that's fine with me too…"
"I always call you Daddy in my secret mind," he said, "but Mommy didn't want me to."
"I know and Mommy had her reasons but now she changed her mind and I did too. So, what do you think?"
"So you'd be Daddy and my Mom would be Mommy still."
Trevor smiled at him trying to work it all out. "Yes, but only if you are comfortable with that, bud."
Noah was grinning. He looked a little embarrassed and Trevor knew he didn't know what to say. "Come here, come have a cuddle…"
Noah slipped off his side of the booth and came to Trevor's side. Trevor lifted him up and pulled him to his lap. He gave Noah a hug and kissed his forehead. "You know you're my most favorite little boy in the world, right?"
Noah smiled and nodded, resting his little hands on Trevor's shoulders. "So from now on, you call me what feels comfortable for you and Mommy and I will be fine with it."
"Are you and Mommy gonna get married now?" he asked.
"One day, not just yet, but I can't wait to marry your Mom. Would you be okay with that?"
Noah nodded, "My Mom is always in a good mood when you are home."
Trevor smiled back at him. "And she doesn't cry anymore," he added.
"What do you mean?" Trevor asked, frozen for just a moment.
"Sometimes when Mommy would put me to bed she would cry for a lonnnng time."
Trevor wondered if Olivia knew how aware her son was of the emotions she tried so hard to keep him protected from. "I'm glad she doesn't cry anymore too, bud. She was having a tough time but we all cry sometimes, its normal."
"Once I saw you cry." Noah pointed out.
Trevor smiled. "That's okay, Noah," he told him, "sometimes even adults cry, its normal for everyone to get upset."
Trevor was unsure of how the conversation was headed, whether or not Noah cared whether or not he could now call him his father.
"So what do you think, are you happy that you can call me Dad? Or do you just want to call me Trev for now?"
Noah slowly grinned again as Trevor anticipated his reaction, feeling strangely nervous, not wanting to feel the rejection from the little boy that he loved so much. "ummmmmm…," he hummed for a moment as if he was trying to decide.
"Daddy!" he exclaimed as if he was holding out to surprise the man that sat before him.
"Yeah?" Trevor confirmed.
"Yeah!" Noah nodded, giggling with excitement.
"That makes me so happy Noah."
"I love you!" Noah told him, wrapping his little arms around Trevor's neck. Trevor embraced him back and gave him a little squeeze. "I love you too, bud," He winked at him, pulling away.
/
"Livvy, what are we doing? Am I getting a teddy?" Eloise asked as they walked in to the build-a-bear store.
Olivia smiled at her. "I thought we might have fun building a teddy each, what do you think about that?"
"How do I build it?" Eloise asked curiously.
"Well… maybe we can ask somebody to help us," Olivia suggested as a younger store clerk approached them. "Hiiii there."
The store clerk smiled warmly at them. She was probably only around 21 and was a little shorter than Liv with dark cropped hair and a cute smile that made her seem open and kind. "Hi there, I'm Shannon… can I assist you both today?"
"That would be great. I'm Olivia and this is Eloise," Olivia smiled back at her, "and Eloise and I would love to build a teddy-bear each, wouldn't we, Elly?"
Eloise nodded shyly and buried her face in to Liv's shoulder.
"I'm sorry," Liv apologized, "she can be a bit shy."
"Oh that's fine…" Shannon smiled at her. "Well, when your daughter is ready, all you both need to do is pick out the perfect bear and then I can come and help you put allll the love in his belly," she specifically spoke to Eloise who had turned around to watch the lady before them.
"How does that sound, El?" Liv asked, "are you ready to pick a teddy?"
She nodded with a little smile. Liv kissed her little dimpled cheek. Since Helena had passed, Eloise had become a little more introverted and was shyer than she had been when she'd first met her.
They dealt with some nightmares and some questions, but mostly she liked to spend her time with Olivia, Trevor and Noah and didn't really care about playing with the other children at daycare. They hadn't been necessarily worried, but they were monitoring the situation.
"Yes please," she said softly.
"Okay, let's put you down and we can look for our teddies and then we'll bring them to Shannon."
"And then you can pick the perfect outfit and we can even put a heart beat and a lovely scent so that your bear can smell really good."
Olivia smiled, thankful to the lovely assistant. Eloise seemed to warm up to her. Eloise slipped her hand in to Olivia's and tugged her over to the bear picking station.
Eloise picked a plain brown bear after some careful considerations and Olivia chose a tan colored one. "Are you having fun?" Olivia asked her.
"Uhuh," she nodded smiling up at Olivia. "I want to put some of the fluff in my teddy."
"Great… let's go do that, we'll take our bears to Shannon and when we can put our special hearts inside as well." They made their way to the stuffing station where Shannon met them.
"Are you having a good time too, Mommy"
"Mommy?" Liv asked, smiling at the change in title which she seemed to be doing a lot of. Eloise smiled at her. "You're calling me Mommy today?" she chuckled. She didn't mind, in fact as the thought came to her – it was a little nicer to be called Mommy, a little more personal and even though she wasn't quick to admit it out loud for all of the ramifications it could cause, she felt that it unified the four of them better.
Olivia crouched down and took Eloise's hands. "Do you prefer to call me Mommy or Livvy?" she asked her gently.
Eloise looked to her feet for a second as though she might get in to trouble. "Yes, I wanna call you Mommy like Autumn from my school calls her Mommy."
"Okay," Olivia smiled, "I would love if you called me Mommy. I love you so much, Elly and I know that your Mommy is asleep now, but I am here for you and I can be Mommy to you as well."
Eloise nodded as though she fully understood the gravity of the situation. "Okay?" Olivia confirmed.
She nodded. "Give me a cuddle?"
Eloise wrapped her arms around Olivia and cuddled her. Liv engulfed her and lifted her up. "I love you."
"I love you to the moon" Eloise told her – it was the thing that she said most days to Trevor. They both smiled. "Okay babe, let's get our teddyies finished!"
/
Trevor carried Noah in the door after 5 in the afternoon. He was asleep with the remnants of a tiring day written all over his face. Olivia smiled at Trevor. She was a little tired too, but she was happy to see his face and so happy to see that Noah had clearly enjoyed his day.
He had a new Yankee's sweatshirt on and a little baseball cap that matched Trevor's.
Trevor kissed Liv hello and pressed his forefinger to his lips when he saw Eloise to make sure she didn't wake Noah. Eloise was sitting in her booster seat at the dining table. He kissed her cheek and went to put Noah down.
"How long has he been asleep?" Liv asked.
"Just a short while, maybe 20 minutes, give him another ten more minutes for him." Trevor replied. He turned to Eloise, "Hello baby! Did you have a good day with Livvy?"
"Mommy!" she corrected him without looking up from the tinned spaghetti that she had come to love so much. Her hand was covered in the sauce.
Trevor made a face and turned to Liv and smiled at her. "What's Mommy eating tonight, then?" he asked, not questioning anything, knowing that they could debrief later.
"This mama is finally getting a little of her appetite back so she's made some roast potatoes and she actually managed not to burn the," she lowered her voice and mouthed, "shit out of some roast chicken."
Trevor grinned at her, "Is there some of that for me too?" he wondered, meeting her behind the kitchen counter. He slipped his hands upon her waist and kissed her lips.
"Absolutely," she smiled. "Do you want some vegetables?"
"Sure, if you're going to the effort, but everything else sounds amazing."
She kissed him. "Did you have a good day?"
Trevor nodded slowly. "Clearly you had a good day too, someone has a different name for you…"
"Yeah, we had an amazing day. After dinner if the kids can stay awake would you like to tell them about…" she rubbed her tiny little bump that was only visible when she wore form-fitting tops.
"Sounds good… Exciting even."
"I can't wait to show you what I got for the kids…" she told him excitedly.
"And I can't wait to talk to you about an idea that I have brewing…" he smiled. "Okay, lemme go get changed in to some sweats and I'll wake Noah up. He might want something to eat but… we had lunch and nachos and fries at the game, so I doubt he'll want much."
"Oh jeez," Olivia laughed, "he will be feeling great," she remarked.
Trevor chuckled. He kissed her cheek and withdrew from her embrace. He headed upstairs and got changed.
/
It was a complete role-reversal. Noah was clinging to Trevor and Eloise was happy in Olivia's arms. Both kids were tired but excited to know what their parents had in store for them.
They sat together on Trevor and Olivia's bed. They tried not to let the kids in their bed become a habit because Trevor was adamant that they also needed their own adult space.
"Daddy and I-" Olivia began, "we have some news for you both which we think is very exciting."
Immediately she had the kid's attention. "What is it?" Noah asked.
Trevor reached over to the bedside table where he had left the ultrasound photo face down. He picked it up and handed it to Olivia, smiling at her.
"Do you want to tell them?" she asked him, knowing he was now incredibly excited about the addition to their family.
He smiled. Eloise had her new teddy tucked beneath her arms and Noah was holding on to the one that Olivia had made, telling Eloise it was for him. "I want you both to look at this special picture very carefully and see if you can tell us what it is…"
He held the 12 week scan out in front of them both. They both stared at it for a moment. "Is it an x-ray?" Noah asked. "It has Mommy's name on it."
Trevor smiled at Olivia. "That's right, it's kind of an x-ray, its from Mommy's tummy… do you know why Mom might be getting an x-ray on her tummy?"
"Poop!" Eloise remarked.
In shock, they all burst out laughing, "El!" Trevor grinned, laughing, glancing at Olivia. She was as amused and the kids thought her serious answer was hilarious.
"No, El, nothing it is not an x-ray of poop," he corrected her, "sheesh…" they were still amused though. "This is way more exciting than poop!"
"Is it pee?" Noah asked, not wanting to be outdone by the little girl who was effectively his sister.
Trevor sighed and glanced at Liv. They shared a smile. "No Noah, it's not pee, okay let's not be silly now, this is important, Mom and I are really excited to share this with you, so let's try to be serious okay?"
The kids giggles subsided. "Do you both give up?" Olivia asked them.
"I give up, I don't know…" Noah replied and Eloise repeated him as she often did.
"This picture…" Trevor outlined the shape of the baby, "this is of .. a little tiny brother or sister that is growing inside Mommy's tummy..." he lowered his voice, keeping his voice calm and even, not wanting either of the kids to freak out.
"Isn't that exciting?" Olivia asked softly, watching Noah's eyes dart to hers for confirmation.
"Are you tricking us?" Noah asked suspiciously.
"No," Olivia replied. "I'm going to having a baby and you and Eloise are going to have a new brother or a new sister."
Eloise looked from Trevor to Olivia, a little surprised. "We are gonna have another baby?" she asked.
"Yes honey. It's growing in Mommy's belly…"
"Can we see?" Noah asked, not sure if he really believed them.
"Well, it's still very new so it's not too big yet but I can show you…" she told the kids. "You'll have to hop off me for a moment, baby," she told Eloise. Eloise seemed excited and Noah was still unsure.
Olivia slid off the bed and stood up straight. She lifted her t-shirt and hiked it up a little. She stood up straight, "Can you see Mommy's tiny belly?" Trevor asked the kids.
"I see it," Noah said. He got up too and examined it closer. "Can I touch the baby?" he asked, looking up at his Mom. "Will it feel it?"
"Of course you can babe," she smiled at her son, "and yes, the baby can feel it." Noah placed his hand on the hard swell of her lower stomach. "Oh it's not squishy…"
"I wanna feel!" Eloise exclaimed.
"Come on, come over here then…" Olivia reached for Eloise's hand as she stood on the bed and came to meet Olivia at the edge. "Okay, you need to hop down." With her teddy still tucked under her arm, she climbed off the bed and stood beside Noah putting her hand on Olivia's stomach.
"How can I see the baby inside your tummy?" she asked innocently.
"You can't honey, not just yet, we'll have more pictures later when the baby gets bigger but now you just have to feel it." Olivia patiently explained.
Trevor came around to the other side of the bed and picked up Noah and sat with him on the edge. "Hey bud, you're very quiet… are you okay?"
He nodded.
"If you have any questions, either of you, you're allowed to ask." Without a word, he buried his face in to Trevor's neck and began to cry. Olivia was surprised. She wasn't expecting him to be upset.
Trevor hugged him. "Noah?" Olivia questioned him, "honey, what's wrong?"
"Bud, what's up?" he asked, "Remember I told you, you can talk to us about anything," he reminded him as he cried. Trevor gave his back a soothing rub and glanced at Olivia. Eloise looked concerned, looking from Olivia back to Noah. She reached over and touched his arm, mirroring her father's soothing affection.
"Noah, its okay," she told him sweetly.
Olivia took a seat on the other side of Trevor. Once Noah had calmed down, he pulled away. Olivia reached over and smoothed his tears away. "Babe, what's the matter? Talk to us… I know this is a very big change… in fact there have been a lot of big changes."
He nodded and rubbed his eyes. Both Trevor and Olivia could tell he was very tired. He looked put his arms around Trevor again and hugged him silently. "Bud, are you worried about us having a baby?"
"Today…" he started, lifting his head, sniffing, "you said that I could call you Daddy and that you loved me and I was the best boy and if Mommy has a boy you won't want to be my Daddy anymore."
"No, Noah," Trevor said softly, he felt a pang of hurt. He couldn't stand for Noah to have to wonder if he loved him. He gave him a squeeze. Eloise had slipped off the bed and made her way, trying to wedge herself between Olivia and her father. Olivia lifted her up, giving Trevor a little space. She wanted to see how Trevor would handle it. Truthfully, she did consider that if she had a boy, Trevor's feelings toward Noah might lessen… his love for his own biological son might eclipse whatever he felt for her oldest.
"Noah," he began, "bud, as far as I am concerned you are my first son and I love you so, so much and a new baby boy or girl is never going to change that. I promise that to you with all of my heart. We decided together today that I'm going to be your Dad and if we have another baby boy, I am going to be so lucky because I will have not one but two best sons – and you will be the best big brother."
Noah's tears still ran from his cheeks. Trevor reached in to his pocket and pulled out the handkerchief that Olivia always found to be disgusting. He wiped Noah's face and kissed his forehead. "Okay?"
The little boy nodded and sniffed.
"Daddy am I your best princess?"
Trevor was able to smile at his youngest and leaned over to kiss her temple. "Yes honey, you are Daddy's best princess."
"Bud," he turned back to Noah, "does that make you feel better?"
He nodded. Trevor smiled at him. "I don't want you to worry about how much I love you, buddy, but if you are worried, you just need to tell me, okay? Anytime."
Trevor felt Olivia's arm slip around him. "Imagine how fun it's going to be when you have another brother or a sister," Olivia began, speaking to both children, "you'll get to help Mom and Dad with the bottles and dressing the baby in cute clothes, and you'll get to cuddle the baby and play games and lots of fun stuff."
"Mommy, will you stop working when you have the baby?" Noah asked.
"For a little while," she replied. "Not forever, but I might just have a break so that we can all enjoy being at home together as a family and adjust to the new baby."
"Can I stay at home with you and the baby and Daddy and Eloise too?" he asked. Olivia smiled, the first time she'd heard Noah call Trevor his father.
"Maybe if you're lucky we could take a couple of days but you can't take too much time off school," Olivia replied.
"Elly," Trevor began, "Noah," they both looked at him. "Mom and I realize that we've all had a lot of things to get used to very quickly so its alright to be upset or to feel sad, but I want you to both know that we are both here and you can talk to us and ask questions and all of this, living together, missing your Mommy who went to sleep, having a baby brother or sister –" he thought, "having to share us parents, -its big. If you just give it some time, we'll all adjust and it'll feel calmer."
"I do want a brother or a sister," Noah told them, "but..."
"Sweetheart, you are allowed to be scared of this big change but Dad and I are here okay? But we never want you to doubt how much we love you, you too, Elly, you hear me?" She turned to Eloise and stroked the soft skin of her chubby little cheek. "We will always love you both so much regardless."
"Okay Mommy."
"We've all had such a BIG day, haven't we?" Trevor asked, "maybe its time for bed and we can talk about all of this more tomorrow."
"Good idea," Olivia agreed, "come on guys, time for teeth brushing and then straight in to bed…"
/
"Could you give me a few minutes with Noah?" Trevor asked Olivia. "I have a gift for him."
She was confused, he walked out of Noah's bedroom after slotting him in to his bed and promising to be back for a moment. Olivia had been to the bathroom and come to say goodnight.
"Okay? How about I just say goodnight and I'll go get ready for bed."
"K," he smiled. He looked tired too.
She went in while Trevor left to go downstairs to get something for Noah. She sat on the edge of her sons bed and ran her fingers through his curls. "Do you like your new teddy that I made for you today?"
Noah nodded his head and examined it. "I like when it's heart beats, that's nice."
Olivia smiled. "Honey, I want you to know that no matter who comes in to my life, no one is ever going to replace you, okay? You are always going to be so special to me because you are my first baby and I want you to have brothers and sisters and a really good Dad. Those are the things I didn't get to have when I was little and I always wanted a brother or a sister … and even a Dad."
"I wish you got to have a brother or a sister," he said sweetly. Noah had met her brother once but Olivia didn't have the chance to explain the relationship before Simon had died.
"Me too, honey…" she smiled, "but I have you and I have Trevor and Eloise."
"Mommy can I feel your tummy again?" he asked.
Olivia smiled. She sat back a little and took his hand and placed it on the swell of her belly. "In a few weeks you might be able to feel the baby moving and maybe then it'll get a little more exciting."
"No, I'm happy about having a new brother or sister," he said as if it were all very matter-of-fact.
"And are you happy with being able to call Trev your Dad now?" she asked him as he retracted his hand and turned to his side.
He smiled and nodded. "He is the best. I called him Daddy in my head anyway," he admitted with a mischievous burst of giggles. Olivia couldn't help but to laugh. "Goodnight kiddo, sleep well okay?"
He nodded. "I love you Mommy."
"Love you too. Dad will be in here in a minute to say goodnight so make sure you stay awake. He has something special for you." She liked using the word Dad for him.
/
"I'm going to give you something special to me, Noah, okay?" Trevor sat down and was holding on to a book. He nodded. The little boy eased up a little in his bead.
"What is it?" he asked.
"My Dad was very strict with me and Auntie Erika," he told him honestly, "and sometimes he could be unkind to us but… we both loved reading and the best memories I have with my Dad was when he used to read to me… and when I was old enough, he bought me this book." Trevor held up the very old and weathered copy of Wind In The Willows book in his hands so that Noah could see it. It was old and worn but it was still in good company despite the many moves and times Trevor had read it.
"I know that you love to read, so I'm going to give this book to you, Noah, my son and I thought that we could read it together like my father and I read it together."
Noah smiled and nodded. "We'll have to keep this book up high where Eloise can't reach it. She's only little and doesn't understand its value, but I know that you will be very careful with it."
"I promise," Noah said solemnly.
Trevor smiled. "Okay. If you like we can start reading it tomorrow night. How does that sound?"
"Yeah!"
"Okay bud, it's time to sleep right now though, okay?" he suggested.
Noah nodded and slid down beneath his covers. Trevor tucked him in snugly and kissed his forehead.
"Dad?" Trevor put the book up high on his shelf and smiled to himself, the title still hit him with new meaning and pride each time he heard it from Noah's mouth.
"Yeah bud?" he turned back to him.
"I had the best day today the baseball was so much fun and I liked that we got to go and have fun without the girls," he said the last part a little gingerly, almost as if he was afraid that his Mom and Eloise might hear.
Trevor smiled, "I had the greatest time too. We can make a habit of going to ball games if you like, just you and I… that can be our father and son time, what do you think of that?"
Noah nodded emphatically.
"Okay, leave it with me, I'll see what I can do." Trevor replied.
"Thank you for my special book," he said. "I can't wait for bed time tomorrow so we can read it."
"Me either," Trevor replied feeling full of love for the little boy. "Love you Noah, sweet dreams."
"I love you too, Daddy."
Trevor turned out the light and left his door ajar and continued down the hall to his.
/
"Wow! What a rollercoaster," Olivia remarked, looking up from her iPad to see Trevor rubbing his eyes. He put his glasses back on and smiled at her.
"Did you think Noah would get upset?" he asked her.
"No, I actually thought Eloise might…" she smiled, "I think he was shocked and also very, very tired."
"He broke my heart Liv, I hated that he thought it would mean I wouldn't love him." Trevor went to the bathroom and brushed his teeth and gargled. He closed the bathroom door and came and got in to bed.
"Honestly, I guess biology sometimes does change feelings," Olivia said slowly, putting her iPad down, "if we have a girl will you worry I might love her more than Eloise?" she asked him.
"Will you?" he questioned.
"Biology doesn't equate love to me," she replied simply, "have a look at my life… does it look like I've had great examples of that burning biological love that is natural and innate from parents?" she laughed. He stared at her blankly for a moment. "The answer is no, Trevor. No I will not love Eloise any less than any child – or Noah for that fact."
"I won't either." He replied firmly. "I just gave Noah a book that my father gave me…" he told her, "it was really special to me as a kid because it was the thing that bridged a gap between us, sharing our love of reading…"
"Oh wow, that's so thoughtful Trevor," Liv replied, hoping to goodness that Noah had been gracious. "Did he like it?"
He smled and nodded, "I don't think he understood the gravity of the gift but that's okay, when he gets older he will remember it the same way that I did, but he said thank you and he said that he wants to have more father son time with me which …" he breathed a sigh of contentment, "makes my heart so fucking happy," he chuckled in spite of himself.
Olivia grinned at him. "That makes my heart happy too."
She inched across and sank in to his arms, resting her head against his chest. "Wanna know what Elly said to me today?"
"What's that?"
"She asked me if Daddy knew that Mommy had to go to sleep and if that's why he went to find her a new Mommy so she wouldn't be without one."
"Ugh…." Trevor sighed, "I'm so sorry, that must have been awful."
"Not really," Olivia shook her head. "It was an innocent question; she's still trying to make sense of it all. I told her that Mommy has always been sick but she tried to stay for as long as she could… but it was fine, she is very matter-of-fact about things."
Trevor nodded, "I know that her behavior has changed, she's kind of… calmed a little. Her personality has changed. I was thinking it might be a good idea to start some kind of therapy because I can't tell if she's just getting older and these months of development change pretty fast, or if she is responding to trauma."
"Maybe a little of both. Terrible twos last until mid-threes and I remember you saying there were some issues with discipline… but therapy can't hurt, Trev. I fully support it."
"Thanks baby," he turned his head and kissed her temple.
"So you mentioned earlier you had an idea." Trevor sat forward from the bed head and stretched his back a little and turned his body more toward Olivia so that he could see her face.
"Well I guess after the way our conversation went earlier, I'm not sure that it's actually the best idea, but… I'll tell you." He started. Olivia reached for his hand that lay between them. She took it in hers and caressed his fingers until she slid hers between his. He had her undivided attention.
"I am waiting for the sale of the house to go through," he told her, "it closes in a few weeks which will be a huge relief. I thought it would be right to split it down the middle and give Mira a portion of money." He referred to the house that his ex was living in with Eloise. "And I'd split the some of it three ways so that all three kids have something behind them for when they are older…"
"What!" Olivia exclaimed, "Trev-"
"No seriously, you saw what the property sold for," he smiled. "I already have money, I'll keep half of the sale amount," he started, "but it's important to me that the kids have something – who knows how expensive New York will be when they grow up."
She smiled. "It feels weird that Noah has literally walked in to a blessed existence."
"Not really; I have been thinking about this since the house sold even if we were still stuck on titles, I still feel for him as though he's my son and my job as a caregiver, a father, whatever – is to provide and of course what Eloise gets, Noah gets and our baby gets."
"This is why I love you so much," she reached up and smoothed his bristled cheek. "You're the kindest heart."
He smiled at her and turned his cheek to hiss the inside of her palm.
"The idea was for you and I to look for a new townhouse together, buy something together for our future so that its both yours and mine. I am happy to sell this and if you want to sell your apartment – it's a commitment, I guess… but I'm down for it."
Olivia thought for a moment, "I guess I did make a promise to Noah that I'd always keep our apartment…for the two of us…"
"But it's not just the two of you anymore, it's the five of us. I don't want us to have that separation."
He had a point. "I know there have been a lot of changes recently… that's why I said it might not be a good idea, but I don't know… what do you think? You can be honest."
She looked at his hands. "Where would we buy a place?" she wanted to know.
"I guess someplace between your work and mine. Wherever you feel comfortable and safe living. I don't mind. But, I'm really conscious of this being my house that you and Noah have come in to – I want to have our house where we can put your furniture and your couch and anything else you want from storage… or buy new stuff – Helena designed a lot of this stuff, you know that."
Olivia was thoughtful. She rested her head on his shoulder. "No, maybe you're right, maybe it is a good idea. We aren't going to want to move after the baby is born. We are going to want to do it as soon as possible."
"Right, but… I do recognize its been a big adjustment for both of them. Do you think maybe Noah would benefit from some therapy as well, for the adjustments, for the school bullying—"
They still hadn't gotten to the bottom of the bullying. Reluctantly Olivia and Trevor had returned him to school and he was transferred to another kindergarten class. Some of the bullying continued but Noah kept the details from them. His new teacher, a young woman around Lucy's age was lovely and easier to deal with – she considered that Noah was a child with special interests and was very particular about the things that he was interested in. She was more helpful when it came to helping him navigating friendships and dealing with conflict.
Mrs Grayer, his new teacher promised to keep an extra eye on him in the playground and reported back to them weekly on his progress. Still, Olivia and Trevor weren't very happy with the way the conflict had been handled.
"Yeah, you might be right, I guess it's the responsible thing to do." She paused and turned to Trevor, "have you ever considered that Noah may be on the spectrum?"
"What?" Trevor raised his eyebrow. "What makes you think that?"
"His interests are very… specific, he gets so caught up in details – the whole obsession with steam trains and now he's right in to the baseball, he knows all the names of the Yankees…"
"Baby, Noah is incredibly smart. I don't think he's on the spectrum. You have blessed with an intelligent little boy who loves to know how things work, he likes to have all the details – I think that's why I fell in love with him – that whole steam train conversation we had at the restaurant," he chuckled, "I was just thinking, 'what a cool-ass kid!'. I loved that about him. Most kids just bury their faces in ipads and watch other people play imaginative games on youtube rather than playing them themselves… Noah is unique, Liv. I doubt he is not on the spectrum."
She sighed, "thanks for saying that, since this whole thing with school came up, I've been so sick with worry…"
"Why didn't you talk to me about it, honey?" he asked. "If you are still worried you could ask… it will always soothe you to know for sure."
"You're right… I'll find someone through work to talk to the kids."
He smiled at Liv. "I love you, you're a fantastic Mom, but go easy on yourself. You are still dealing with things too."
"Thanks Trev, right back at you, my heart." She took his hand and pulled it in to her lap. She kissed his head.
She smiled and looked up at him, "So… I guess we should probably just start looking at houses. But Trev, I don't know that I can put as much money in to something like you can, so it has to be more modest than this place."
"Don't worry about money, Liv, I want us to have a nice place, plenty of room for the kids and for us."
"Yes but… I don't know if I can feel comfortable with you putting in double or triple the kind of money I have. I have savings, Trevor but… it's just-"
"Liv, when we get married what's mine is yours, you've given me two children, I've given you til children… I think you can allow me this one indulgence to make sure we live in a house that you are comfortable in—its what I want for you."
"I'm not a broke ass," she chuckled, "but I'm so frightened of debt…"
"You're not going to be in debt, we're fine. We will buy a nice house that we both love and if we need to do some renovations or alterations so that you are totally happy with it, so be it. I don't need you to get caught up on money."
"Okay…" she whispered. "I guess it'd be nice to have a house that doesn't look like it was constructed for a single man."
Trevor chuckled. "Okay, maybe we can look up some things tomorrow…"
She picked up her iPad again. "Look what I got, check your email cos I think it went to you too."
He took her iPad from her and read the email.
"You have been invited to Chief Garland's 40th birthday…"
Trevor laughed. "I feel like we've been to far too many birthdays already. When is this for?" he wondered.
"It's next weekend. His boss put it together for him on the fly. I love Christian, I can't not go. You wanna be my date or am I gonna be your date?"
"If I got an invite you should be my date," he smiled. "Only if you promise to wear something totally sexy." His eyes lit up, "wait, can I buy you a new outfit?"
"I can buy my own outfits…" she replied with a little chuckle.
"I know you can, but that's not what I asked. I asked specifically if I can buy you a new outfit. I could pick it and buy it and if you totally hate it, you can wear whatever you want."
"So…." She smirked, "you want to buy me something without consulting me."
"Is that weird?" he asked. "Or does it seem… controlling or objectifying?" he wondered, deflating a little, thinking his excitement was suddenly stupid.
"Its not controlling. I think maybe you know enough about what my style is… maybe pick something and don't buy it, just run it by me first…"
He was happy for the compromise. "Great…" he smiled. "Come on, you look like you're about to fall asleep any second. I will fall asleep in about half a second tonight."
"Me too…" Olivia replied. She did as he asked and slunk down in to bed. She reached for her bedside lamp and turned it off.
"Is it weird if I take my top off?" she asked in to the dark, "I mean, what do you think the chances of the kids coming in are?"
"I mean, they might… but… if they don't like what they see, they might not do it again," Trevor laughed. Olivia laughed too. Trevor helped her with her t-shirt. "I love it when you sleep topless, it feels nice and intimate." She rolled over to face him. He pulled her closer.
"Me too," she agreed. "I love you Trevor…"
"Love you too, my love." She felt his lips on her forehead, lingering and affectionate. She loved the feel of his arms tightly around her, cuddling her close to him.