Hi everyone! Thank you for your loveeeeelyyyy feedback! I love to hear from you all, its so sweet and I appreciate it so much! Emz2684, RiddleRobert, iacono, Ashley, ~*~*~*~NEW READER ALERT ZOE~*~*~ AnnikaJensen, BenoitLangson, Gabi, Abbie, Lise and Maybsoars! And thank you to all the guests who leave comments too! You are all so incredibly kind! Thank you for following this and I apologise if I left anyone out.
Special shoutout to the Brazilian girls who are using google translator to read my story who may be missing out on some of the meanings to things, you are so amazing! That is dedication and Im very honoured! Obrigada por ler minha história do Brasil! Eu fico muito feliz que você gosta tanto! Você é a melhor! (THANK YOU GABI BIG HEARTS!)
"Thank you for doing that for me," Trevor thanked Elliot, happy for the evidence that had been submitted to him by email rather than having to chase up all the bits and pieces before he went in to a deposition.
"No problem," Elliot replied. Something had shifted between them, perhaps it was a mutual respect for Trevor's relationship with Olivia, or maybe it was just the fact that they both just appreciated the way the other worked.
Many people had a lot to say about Elliot Stabler, but one thing Trevor gave him credit for was his dedication to the cause. He cared and possibly the fact that he cared so much was what had gotten him in to trouble in the past, but he was trying to be better and at least Trevor could appreciate his willingness to grow and learn from his past mistakes.
"How is Olivia?" Elliot wondered.
"She's tired," Trevor smiled, "really tired, but her workload is too full and you know what she's like, she won't take a break…"
Elliot chuckled, twirling a pen between his fingers, swiveling his chair around to look at Trevor who was sitting close by, parked up on the other side of it, across from Elliot's partner, Richard Jessup. "Liv's crusade for justice is always going to be unmatched. Even I couldn't keep up,"
"Wait, are you dating Olivia Benson?" Richard asked, his interest piqued, looking up.
Trevor glanced at the detective. "Yeah… well, not really dating, we're in a relationship."
"Whoa…" he laughed. "Good luck!"
Both Elliot and Trevor glared at him. "What is that supposed to mean?" Elliot asked, sitting up straight in his chair, his face turning to stone.
Trevor narrowed his eyes at the tall, thin detective who sat directly across from him. "And why would I need luck?" he asked slowly; drawn out, his words deliberate and commanding.
"Oh no offense Langan, I just thought that she was at least a little bit in to the other sex if you catch my drift – if not, she is one bossy-ass ball breaker…" not reading the room he continued, "I mean, do you ride her or does she ride you?" he chuckled.
Trevor made a face of disgust and pushed his chair back. "Firstly," he stood up, standing over Richard's desk, ignoring Elliot's attempts to square up to his own partner, "you don't ever speak about Olivia in such a disrespectful way," he told him with seriousness, "secondly, she's the captain of the hardest department that exists in NYPD and she's been doing it longer than you have been on the force, unless you can respect the mother of my children, you need to keep her name the fuck out of your mouth." He was calm, but he towered over the detective and he knew his calmness could be threatening along with his intrusive stare. He watched the detective back down, shrinking a little in his seat.
"Sorry, I didn't mean any disrespect-I didn't realize you guys had kids—"
Trevor took a step back; the fury that had swirled inside of him began to slowly dissolve. "Why would you know?" he asked, "its none of your business. What the fuck is this anyway?" he asked, going to walk away, "1990? Threatened by a fucking higher ranking officer? … Grow up!" he added over his shoulder as he left the police precinct to go back to his office.
/
He was so tired, he'd been up all night with Eloise and her nightmares and was finally relieved that she had her first play therapy appointment was set up immediately after daycare. Olivia was going to take both Eloise and Noah to have a chat to two separate professionals.
Olivia tried to sit up with them but she was too exhausted and he knew how badly she needed the sleep, he didn't want her to miss out on it. He sipped his coffee hoping for the buzz to kick in.
Nothing was really helping his mood either. He had to turn away a misdemeanor case due to lack of evidence and an assault where a woman had been beaten. He felt guilty that he couldn't bring charges and she had yelled at screamed at him and he knew that while it wasn't really his fault that there had been insufficient evidence, he couldn't help but feel like the system had failed her.
He leaned back in his chair and closed his eyes for a spell.
He realized he'd drifted off to sleep when a knock on his office door startled him. It was his boss. He jumped awake, "I'm sorry," he said softly. Kara smiled at him.
"Trevor, why don't you go home and get some sleep…"
"I can't," he replied, picking up his coffee and taking a mouthful. "I have too much to do here," he sighed. "Plus, I won't be able to do much tomorrow, Garland's party and I promised Noah we'd go practice his pitch and I've gotta slot Elly and Liv somewhere in there," he laughed.
"Don't do too much, Trevor," she smiled at him. She was happy with her new ADA. She recognized that he was dedicated and showed a lot of initiative and was already fantastic at his job, she saw a lot of staying power with him and was happy to be flexible especially when she realized that he was dealing with some pretty large-scale events.
"Hmm," he laughed it off.
"Anyway, I've got Detective Sonny Carisi in my office going over some stuff, he wants to know if you have a second to chat."
"Sure…" Trevor smiled. He really liked Carisi. Carisi seemed to be the one truly good friendship besides Melinda that Olivia had. He was always in her corner and cared for her in a brotherly way that never ever crossed the line.
A few moments later, Carisi stepped in. Trevor lifted his hand in greeting and smiled at the younger detective. He closed the door behind him and sank in to a chair. "How are you?" he asked, his Long Island accent lay thick in the air.
"Good, Sonny, what have you and Kara been working on?" he wondered curiously.
"Oh, I'm completing my law degree, she's helping me-"
"Wait, I didn't know you were looking to practice law! Amazing!" Trevor smiled.
"Well yeah, I mean, I probably wont be practicing for a long time, I like my job but … I'm just in the process of my last year."
"And you are working crazy hours over at SVU for my girl," Trevor nodded with respect toward him, "that's really impressive. If you ever need anything… I mean Kara is a gun, but I can always help too if she can't."
"Thank you," Sonny smiled at the genuine offer and compliment, "That's really nice of you."
"Of course," Trevor replied.
"I actually need to talk to you about something that's not work related."
"Okay?" Trevor wondered if he knew something about Liv that he didn't.
"Umm so your sister contacted me-"
"Oh jeez," Trevor rolled his eyes, "Carisi, come on-"
"I know, I know, I have younger sisters myself, Counsellor, I'd prefer to believe they don't date."
"Did Olivia give her your number?" Trevor asked, "Fuck, I need something stronger in this…" he muttered toward his coffee.
"No, she said she looked me up… which I'm going to be honest, I'm flattered but I would never, ever do the wrong thing by you or Olivia," he said sincerely and at least Trevor could respect that.
"Sonny, how old are you?" he asked bluntly.
"36," almost wanting to add 'sir' to the end of his sentence; he felt the counsellor's eyes studying him closely as if appraising him to see if he would turn out to be good enough for his younger sister.
"Okay well my sister is 30 and I'm going to be really honest with you – she's fragile, she's come out of a bad relationship and she has a lot going on. At the same token, I know you and Amanda have something and I don't want drama and hurt and mess for my sister either."
"Amanda and I?' Carisi rose his eyebrow. "No, Amanda and I are friends… nothing more and it's never been anything more. She has made that abundantly clear, Trevor and I'm over it. She has the girls and someone else on the side and I know about all those things with Erika, we had a talk last night."
"Oh?" Trevor rose his eyebrow. Carisi knew almost immediately it was the wrong thing to have admitted.
"Well I mean, she phoned – I couldn't talk so I asked if I should call her back…"
"So… are you both seeing each other?" Trevor asked, wanting to get the story straight, "Are you just talking? Or are you doing that stupid millennial thing you all do where nothing ever has an intention?"
Carisi couldn't help but to laugh. "We haven't been on any dates, we haven't done anything but have two phone conversations…if you want me to tell her to quit calling me, I'll tell her, but first you should know that I think she seems like a really good person and I'd like to ask her out on a date." He spoke the words slowly, hoping that Trevor's head wouldn't explode or that his face wouldn't grow more sour.
He sighed and dropped a pen on his desk. He scratched his head. "I brought up my sister," he admitted. "And I just endured 7 yrs of her dating this complete douche bag that broke her heart and treated her like human garbage and I never want to see her struggle like that again."
"But I-"
Trevor held up his hand to halt the words out of his mouth. "I like you Carisi, you are a good man, a good detective and from what I know, you're an upstanding gentleman, but … I just need my sister to focus on getting over her traumas and her work; she has worked so hard… You say you won't hurt her, but … it's inevitable."
"I get it…" Carisi replied, not realizing quite how serious Trevor was. "If she tries to call me again I'll tell her that I'm too busy…"
"Thank you." Trevor replied, relieved.
Deflated, Carisi gave him a forced smile. "Okay, understood. Well, thanks for at least hearing me out. I respect your wishes."
"Great, I appreciate it." Carisi got up, trying not to show his disappoint. Trevor could see it, but he had to protect his sister at all costs. He got to the door and looked back at Trevor and gave him a a wave.
/
"Trevor you had no right to do that!" Olivia raised her voice at him, "oh my goodness, I can't believe you…" she shook her head. "What the hell…"
He pulled the phone away from his ear. He was at home in the kitchen eating a snack and preparing dinner while Liv waited for the kids to finish with their appointments.
"What happens when Erika falls for him and she tells Italian-Carisi that she can't have children, Liv?" he asked, "I am not having her go through that again!"
"How do you know how Carisi will act?" Liv shot back, he heard her draw in a breath and let it out. "I'm really angry with you about this, Trevor, I can't talk about it now, the kids are about to come out. We'll talk about it later… I'm just…" she stopped, "I'm just really disappointed that you think that this is your place."
"It IS my place! It's my sister!" he spat back, just as frustrated that he wasn't seeing her side.
"Yeah right, see you later, Trevor," she hung up the phone. He rubbed his face with frustration as he glanced at the handset dumbly for a moment.
He began to type, "I don't want to fight over my sister, it seems stupid. I don't want to feel frustrated with you for not seeing my side. I love you."
He went back to stirring the pasta and within a few minutes Olivia replied. "I love you too. I don't want to fight over your sister and Carisi but if you can't understand why what you have done is fundamentally controlling then we have a problem here and it needs to be addressed."
/
Olivia had very little to say to Trevor most of the night. She was frustrated with him and he clearly didn't see why what he did was such a huge problem.
Carisi had been upset, he had confided in her that he and Erika had spoken for hours on the phone and even considered meeting up at 2 in the morning to talk face to face over coffee at a local diner, but he decided that he needed to run it by Trevor; he wasn't looking to upset anyone.
The tension was thick between both Olivia and Trevor and by the time they put the kids to bed it was almost palpable.
"You still haven't told me how the kids went at therapy," Trevor remarked as they both silently got ready for bed.
"You didn't ask," Olivia replied, spitting her toothpaste in to the sink and rinsing it her mouth.
"I shouldn't have to, they're my kids—"
"Oh for fuck sake, Trevor!" Olivia snapped, tossing her tooth brush back in to the holder and leaving the bathroom, "what has gotten in to you?" she asked him, "is this how its going to be?" she wondered, tossing her hands up in the air, "protective to the point of controlling?"
"What are you talking about!?" he hated when she swore at him. It had only happened one time previous, but he didn't appreciate it. She growled loudly in frustration.
"Are you kidding me? Your sister is thirty years old!" she bit back, "she can date who she wants to date and let her navigate whatever relationship barriers you think she has! It's none of your business!"
"Of course its my business, Liv," he replied, his voice a little more even than hers, but it was growing with his rage. "You didn't have to endure her heartbreak when Mitch broke up with her, you didn't have to fucking hold her in your arms for hours consoling her and convincing her that her life was still worth living!"
When he saw Olivia wince he continued, "yeah that's right, Liv, the ability to not have children made her feel so fucking worthless after that piece of shit left her, that she could barely get herself out of bed and do the most basic tasks for herself. I want don't want her to lose focus. She needs to keep focus on her studies and her career so she feels like she's winning somewhere in life."
"But she's not winning, Trevor," Olivia murmured. His words struck her hard. "I waited and I waited and I waited and I focused on my career because I wanted to win at life and then look…"
"Yeah look, you have three beautiful children," he snapped.
Olivia glowered at him. Her expression made him also retreat slightly. He sighed.
He sank down on to the bed.
"You've never had to be lonely, Trevor, and I'm glad for that, but I wouldn't wish that hollowness on anyone. Your sister isn't even studying anymore, she told me on the fly… she doesn't even like what she does and if you talked to her rather than talking over her or trying to control her or boss her about, you'd realize that."
"What are you talking about?" he asked, surprised and annoyed, "why didn't you tell me?"
"It's not my place; she said she would tell you when she could but when you're like this Trevor, you are not approachable and this is a side that I haven't seen of you and…I get that you're worried but you can't do this and if this is what you're going to be like when our kids get older…" she shook her head, "this is not it."
"What am I supposed to do?" he asked, genuinely upset to hear that he'd missed the mark with his sister when it came to her career, but as Olivia revealed the truth, he found himself remembering all the throw-away comments his sister had made about her luke-warm interest in her job.
"You're supposed to let her make her own grown up decisions and be there for her even if you feel like you know in your heart its not going to work in her favor and hopefully you will be surprised."
"I know Carisi loves kids," Trevor said, "And I don't want him to break up with her because she can't…"
Finally, Olivia felt for him, he was acting himself; concerned, loving and as she suspected, beneath the bravado, devastated for Erika. "That may happen, but its not for you to decide for her. Carisi might only be 36, but he's got the old fashioned behavior of someone in their 80s, he won't go near her unless he has your blessing, he really respects you and I just can't have him skulking around my office day in and day out…."
"He doesn't even know her." Trevor remarked.
"Apparently they talked for about six hours and Erika wanted him to meet her at a café at 2 in the morning to talk face to face," she said with a little chuckle, "but Carisi wanted to talk to you first…"
"My sister was looking for a booty call?" he made a face.
"No!" Olivia rolled her eyes and sighed, "she was teasing you last week when she made the comment about wanting to sleep with him or have him use her. I think she liked him…and I know Carisi will be a gentleman about it."
"Fine…" Trevor agreed. "But when this backfires…"
"You're going to be there not to judge or tell her 'I told you so', but to support her through it."
"Okay." He said finally. He sighed heavily, "I'm sorry for yelling at you," he murmured.
"I'm sorry too, but you need to just…calm down. You can't control everything in the world, Trevor."
"Let's go to bed," he resolved, feeling tired.
"You need to text Carisi." Trevor grumbled but he knew Olivia was right and he didn't really want to face it.
He got in to bed and picked up his phone and ran through his contacts until he got to Carisi's. Olivia got in beside him feeling a little better now that he had began to calm down a little bit.
She turned her own phone on to silent and opened up her missed texts.
"What did you write?" she asked as she heard the short chime of a sent message.
"Hi Sonny, I was thinking about our conversation earlier and I think I may have had a knee-jerk older brother reaction. It wasn't fair. My sister is an adult and can make up her own mind. Please treat her kindly and take care of her heart."
Olivia's expression softened and he realized he had made the right choice despite how badly he wanted to protect his sister. "I know you think Erika is a grown woman who can make her own choices, and she is, but she's also the little girl that I watched my father beat to a pulp like a rag doll when we were kids." He said carefully, "she's also the girl that got bullied in high school… I'm just used to cleaning up heart breaks for her and taking care of her and it makes me tired and each time I get angrier and angrier because she doesn't deserve it."
"I understand that," Olivia replied, "but you have to let go. You are going to endure this with Noah and Eloise and our baby at some point too… It's life, sweetheart. That's what we do for the people we care for – we show up no matter how hard it gets to watch." She paused, becoming thoughtful. "What about Noah at school when he was bullied, you can't just pull him out of school and home school him—"
"I wanted to," he was able to laugh, "I actually started thinking how we could make it work."
Olivia shook her head. "I am not depriving my child of life experiences and lessons just because I'm afraid and the same should go for your sister and our children."
Trevor's phone chimed back. He glanced at it. "You really think Carisi will do the right thing by her?"
"Carisi looks up to you, he said that you're the type of ADA he wants to be… he was so upset about you telling him not to pursue Erika but also excited cos you said you would help him if necessary."
Trevor smiled. He showed Olivia the message. "Trevor, I will treat your sister like a gentleman, you have my word. Thank you."
He put his phone down and leaned in to Olivia, encircling his arms around her and resting his chin on her shoulder, looking at something from a former case victim. He glanced down and saw a blur of words on the screen and immediately looked away. Sometimes they texted her graphic things, fears and words that for him crossed the line of what was okay, but Olivia was used to it, nothing made her flinch.
/
"Is that what you actually picked for me!?" Olivia exclaimed with a big grin.
"Yeah…" Trevor chuckled a little bashfully. "Be honest if you don't like it, but if you do, I'll be picking it up on my way back from catch with Noah…"
"I love it!" she told him, "and it'll hid this…" she rubbed her belly.
"Good," Trevor kissed her nose and handed her a decaf coffee. "I told Elly that once she finishes her breakfast she's going to get in to bed with Mommy and watch cartoons."
Olivia eased herself up and leaned against the bed head. She was slow to wake and mornings became a little harder to rouse herself out of bed. Trevor had insisted she spend the morning getting some rest and had implored Eloise to be on her best behavior.
"Thank you, you're an absolute dream boat and thank you for my dress… I hope it's not too expensive."
"It's good to live in hope," he chuckled, giving her a little wink.
"You look super handsome today," Olivia remarked. He was wearing a pair of black jeans and a simple white t-shirt. "But make sure you're wearing something warm."
He smiled at her, "I've got a hoodie, its okay and Noah has his jacket ready. Would you like me to bring you up something to eat?"
"Mmmmm" Olivia stretched and watched his smile grow. He reached over and took her cheeks in his warm, large hands and kissed her lips.
"I love you, you're so fucking cute when you first wake up."
She laughed. "Could I please have some of that fruit toast if there's any left?" she gave him a little impish smile, shrugging her shoulders, giving him her best angelic face.
He started to laugh. "Lucky, I almost ate the last two slices but I thought you might like it…"
"you are lucky!" she shot back with a smile.
"What do you want on the toast?" he asked, watching her take a sip of the coffee. She missed the caffeine but at least the decaf was better than nothing and her stomach was tolerating the things that she couldn't during the first few 12 weeks.
"Butter... a lot of it…"
He made a face. "Okay, I'll be back and I'll bring Eloise up with me."
/
Olivia put on her the navy blue dress that was loose fitting, almost like a long t-shirt, long sleeved. It hemmed just below her knees. She loved it and she was so proud of Trevor for picking something that was so comfortable, warm and flattering.
"Can I see?" he asked from behind the bathroom door. He sounded excited and she couldn't help but to smile at herself in the mirror.
"Sure, come in…" she called.
He opened the door and let himself in. She couldn't help but to give him the once and twice over. He was wearing a navy blue suit a few shades lighter than hers. Beneath it, he wore a white button down shirt. His hair was done, combed and set in place and his short salt-and-pepper beard lining his face making him look professional and distinguished.
Olivia was taken by just how amazing he looked. "WOW!" She exclaimed. "Trevor you look so…" she took a step toward him, letting him tower over her.
"No! You!" he exclaimed, holding his hand out to stop her, "wait let me see the dress!" he grinned. She did a little twirl. "Is it okay?" she asked him.
"Okay!?" he sputtered, "is it okay?!" he shook his head with a huge, accomplished smile. "Olivia, you look beautiful, you look amazing… wow wow wow!"
"You picked so good!" she grinned right back at him, "thank you!" he finally pulled her toward him and embraced her, leaning in to kiss her lips.
"You are very, very welcome, baby," he replied, wrapping his arms around her and swaying her a little playfully. "I love you, you look wonderful. Your hair looks great…" he nodded to her reflection- her chestnut hair fell just over her shoulders in soft waves. "Your make up looks great… you're really glowing."
"Thank you," she looked up at him with a smile. "I love you too and you look… so hot."
He smiled at her. "Are you almost ready to go?"
She nodded. "I'm just gonna find a necklace or something to put on with it."
"Okay, can I meet you downstairs? Ready for me to call an uber?"
"Just give me five minutes…" she replied, "I'll be down in a second."
/
"You are really stunning tonight." Trevor remarked to Olivia after they'd arrived and said hello to everyone. He glanced down at the brown heeled boots she wore with the blue dress that gave her around 4 or so inches. He rested his hands on her waist and drew her close as they stood at the bar waiting for someone to tend to them.
"Thank you… I know you're not even lying because you're wearing your hot Clark Kent glasses," she joked, returning his affections, sliding her arm beneath his, resting it on his lower back.
Trevor loved how tactile they both were, how open to each other's affections they had become – especially in front of people. For awhile, Liv held back, but now she didn't care and kissed him or wrapped her arms around him when she was around her work colleagues and unafraid to show her softer side.
"Umm Trev," she began, looking away from the entry of the bar back up to her partner who had his back to it.
"Yeah?" he glanced down, feeling impatient about having to wait so long.
"Ummm I want you to be very calm when I tell you this and not react like a lunatic but …" she tried not to be amused by it, but couldn't help it, "your sister is here with Carisi."
"What!" he exclaimed a little too loudly. He whirled around and saw his sister wearing a long plain black dress. She waved at him excitedly.
He tried to steel himself. He smiled back in what was more of a painful grimace. He turned to Olivia, "why did Carisi bring her here?"
"Second date… going well," she replied to him with a smile. "Just… be kind and relax, they're both adults." She lowered her voice as Erika got close to them. She gave Trevor a hug from behind. He let go of Olivia and turned his body, slipping his arm around his sister, kissing her on top of her head.
"Hey kiddo, what are you doing here?"
"I'm with Sonny and I know you know that…" she replied, glancing at Olivia.
"Yeah, yeah… you're just trying to give me more grey hair," he replied. "Good to see you and I need to talk to you about something before you go…"
"I'm so nervous," she said, speaking to Olivia, "thank goodness you guys are here."
Carisi caught up to them and smiled at Olivia and shook Trevor's hand, a little nervous energy swirled around the younger two. They looked like a good looking couple though, Trevor couldn't help but to admit. Erika was just a little bit shorter than Carisi and immediately stood to his side; a certain ease between them that he was surprised to see so soon.
"What are we drinking tonight?" the bartender asked them.
Olivia made a face at Trevor, "I guess I'll have a coke," she sighed. Trevor smiled sympathetically at her and kissed her temple, pulling her closer. "I'll have two cokes," he turned to Carisi and Erika, "Beer?"
"Pinot," Erika replied.
"Beer's fine…" Carisi replied with a grateful smile.
"You're not drinking tonight?" Olivia asked, surprised.
"No," he replied, "I'm going to sit out with you, love," he smiled, his pale green eyes twinkling. "I know how you badly you want a wine… it must suck, I'll forgo with you."
"Look at you two…" Erika grinned at them, "so sweet,"
"Way to ruin a moment," Trevor replied, "hey! Doesn't Liv look amazing, guess who picked her dress!"
"I know you didn't pick her dress so…"
Olivia gave him a bit of a shove, "stop embarrassing me, do you know he's done this tonight already with, like, 4 people…"
"You do look lovely, Olivia," Carisi replied.
"Well I did choose her dress so .. nuts to you!" Trevor replied with a little laugh at his own silliness. "And I'm sorry if I'm embarrassing you but you are so, so stunning tonight, I can't get over how good you look."
Olivia blushed as the bartender returned with their drinks.
"Erika, would you like to come and meet my other work colleagues?" Carisi asked her.
"Sure," she flashed Olivia a nervous grin and turned to Trevor and kissed him on the cheek. "Relax more, it looks good on you."
He rolled his eyes and and gave her a little wave.
"Are you okay?" Olivia asked, sipping her drink. She was hiding a smile, loving just how giddy Erika seemed. She decided that whatever transpired between Carisi and Erika, it was good for Trevor's sister to get out and about again.
"Yes," he chuckled and shrugged, "how can I be mad? Look how smiley and giggly she is, I haven't seen her like that in…. I don't even know how long…"
Olivia smiled at him lovingly, "Ok, better go and mix with people, what do you think?" she asked him.
"Do we have to?" he asked, getting in closer, slipping his free hand to the back of her waist, his fingers brushing against the small of her back. "I like being in this little bubble with you." He got so close that their noses were almost touching. He leaned his forehead against hers.
"I love you," she said softly.
"I love you," he replied. "I really want to kiss you…. I can barely keep my hands off of you," he murmured.
"Kiss me, fuck it, who cares?" she let her lips upturn in to a tight-lipped smile. She carefully slid her arms around him, one of her hands clasping her ice cold coca cola.
He laughed from his throat in a way that made her want to crush his body against hers. She loved him with every bit of her. The way his eyes searched her face, drinking her in, she never needed to feel less-than around him, or as though she had a reason to be insecure about anything. He adored her, she could see it in his eyes.
His mouth aligned with hers and he let his tongue prompt her mouth open as he let his inhibitions go. He no longer cared what other people thought, he didn't care that others could see, that Elliot may walk in and have something to say – he didn't care that his sister would tease him endlessly or that maybe his boss could think he was acting inappropriately at a work function. He shut off his mind and concentrated on his most precious who he held in his arms and kissed as though they were in private.
She felt the tongue massaging the tip of hers as his lips worked softly. She always followed his lead when he kissed her deeply and gently; no urgency, full of pure love and romance – it was what she loved the most, never just a means to an end.
He finally pulled away; the proximity between them so close that she could feel his slight erection.
"Wow…" she grinned at him, slowly blinking. "You are everything, you know that? My absolute fucking everything."
He kissed her again and reached up to caress the stray waves of hair from her face, his fingers grazing her the skin at the frame of her face. She shivered causing a smile to surface upon his lips. "You are my everything, Olivia Benson, I love you," he murmured again, pressing one last lingering kiss upon her soft lips.
"The things I am going to do to you tonight…" he whispered in to her ear with a small smile. Olivia couldn't help but let a cheeky smile cross her mouth. She felt his hands in her hair, running his fingers through it absently. His lips pressed against her temple before he reluctantly pulled away.
She breathed in deeply and felt his eyes surveying her for a reaction. She flicked hers up and smiled conspiratorially at him. "I am looking forward to that…"
His hand fell from her shoulder down her arm until his hand slipped in to hers. She laced her fingers within his. "C'mon, better help distract me with other people before I end up getting an erection that'll be too hard to hide."
Olivia couldn't help but let out a peel of laughter.
They made their way over to where Carisi was standing with Erika and Ice and Amanda. Olivia noticed immediately that Amanda was put out by Carisi's date.
"Well, well, if it isn't the nauseating couple…" Kat teased her boss, also joining the group.
"That's … rude," Trevor remarked with a laugh.
"You are kind of nauseating… in a really sweet way," Amanda told him with a smile as she tried to avoid loaning any attention to Carisi and Erika.
Olivia gave his hand a squeeze. He squeezed hers back.
"We try our best to always nauseate you, Amanda," Trevor replied back with a smile that told her that he was being sarcastic.
"Come on, let's go get a booth, these heels are only good for taxis," Liv joked, nodding toward an empty booth.
"Sure," he smiled at her.
"What's what happening with food?" Olivia asked, "are we ordering our own food—cos I need to get something," she murmured quietly.
"No," Kat told them, overhearing her comment. "So Garland's boss has paid for bar food, it should be coming out soon."
"Thanks Kat," Liv replied. "Okay I need to sit."
Trevor pulled her over to the booth and let her slide in first. "You good?" he asked, watching her set her half-full glass down on the tabletop.
He set his glass down and sat beside her. "Yeah," she replied, "I'm just hungry…"
He circled an arm around her. "If food doesn't come out in ten minutes I'll go and order something for you."
"Thanks babe," she took a sip of her drink. "Hey… look at Amanda, I'm just gonna call it and say that this is going to be an issue for her – seeing Carisi with someone else."
"Seriously?"
"Oh yeah, Carisi had a crush on her for a long time and he's done and now that he's started seeing someone else… she doesn't much like it."
"So, he's trying to make her jealous by dating my sister?"
"No," Olivia replied quickly, "he accepted it, he grieved over it and now he's moving on."
"How do you know that?" Trevor asked, feeling troubled, thinking that perhaps his sister was nothing but a rebound.
"Because I lived that too," she told him bluntly, "and once you decide you're done, you're done."
He stared at her for a few moments and realized immediately why she and Carisi seemed to be so close; it was why she took him under her wing and why out of all of the detectives, he was the one that cared the most.
"Okay… if you're confident, then I trust your judgment," he said slowly.
"Hey!" Erika appeared, "can I sit?" she wondered.
"Of course…" Trevor replied, motioning for her to take a seat. "Hey actually, I need to talk to you about something…"
Erika glanced at Olivia and rose an eyebrow, "What, am I in trouble?" she chuckled.
"Not in trouble…" Trevor's voice trailed off, "but, why didn't you tell me you stopped studying."
She set her wine down and crossed her arms; the joy dissipating from her face like a light going out. "Did you tell him?" Erika asked Olivia, "I asked you not to."
"I'm sorry, it slipped out in the middle of a fight," she apologized, looking away guiltily. She was annoyed with Trevor for repeating it.
"Don't get mad at Liv, she was worried about you…" Trevor replied, "But it doesn't matter, I'm just disappointed that you didn't feel you could talk to me."
"Trevor can we not—"
"Oooh so, Carisi's new giiiirlfriend," Kat teased, sliding in to the booth beside her.
"Kaaat!" Carisi exclaimed, covering his face with his had with embarrassment.
Kat laughed, "I'm just teasing, calm down."
Olivia couldn't help but to laugh. She felt Trevor's hand beneath the table on her knee. He was trying not to worry too much about his sister and just enjoy the time with Olivia.
She rested her head upon his shoulder and slipped her arm through his. He turned his head and kissed her forehead.
"You two are actually the cutest," Kat remarked, breaking their little spell. "I can't believe that you have a little sister," she said to Trevor. "You guys are so different."
"I can't tell if that's a compliment – and if so, who should be offended…?" Trevor replied with a little laugh.
"Nah, they're a little alike," Olivia replied with a smile from one to the other, trying to block out Trevor's fingers grazing the skin just beneath the hem of her dress. She felt goose bumps surface to her flesh and almost shivered.
"Can you please just move out of the way and stop harassing poor Erika so I can sit?" Carisi asked.
"Sure… I'm going to get another drink anyway," Kat flashed him a playful smile.
Amanda was nursing her baby over where they'd been standing, talking to Kat's girlfriend – the baby's cries grew louder and harder to ignore. She made her way to them and smiled at Carisi who had just sat down. "Do you think you could take Billie for a second?" she asked him.
Olivia rose an eyebrow, watching Amanda awkwardly glance from Erika to Sonny. Erika didn't seem at all bothered but Olivia was sure that she had no idea about their history. "Oh my gosh, she is so cute Amanda!"
Amanda forced a smile. "She's screaming so…" she replied over the top of her child. Olivia knew exactly what her detective was doing, asserting her ownership over Carisi, wanting Erika to know her place, making it clear that she was more important to him – it was a trick Elliot used to constantly pull when Olivia was interested in someone.
She was about to jump up to help when Trevor stepped in. "I can take her, I'm a bit of a baby whisperer- may I?" he smiled at Amanda who seemed startled.
"Uh.. yeah, sure…"
Trevor stood up and took the tiny baby in his arms and gave her a gentle bounce. "Why don't you go and give yourself ten minutes," he flashed her a smile. Carisi had already lost interest, he'd turned back to Erika and they chatted quietly, sharing big smiles. Trevor was relieved, he could see that Sonny was very invested in his sister. He had quickly forgotten Amanda as quickly as she'd asked him the question and as quickly as Trevor had stepped in.
"Are you sure?" Amanda's eyes lingered over Carisi who had pushed his beer over to Erika who took it and took a mouthful and made a face. He took her wine and did the same and they both laughed – not bothering to disguise their disgust for the other's beverage.
"Yeah totally sure," Trevor replied to Amanda. Immediately, Billie began to calm. Olivia grinned at him. "Baby whisperer, huh?" she chuckled, sliding out to stand up, fussing over the baby together – imagining for just a moment what he was going to be like with their new baby.
"Oooft," Erika nodded to Olivia and Trevor, her arm around him, peering at Billie as Trevor soothed the infant.
"Can you be more obvious…" Carisi remarked, making sure no one could hear.
Olivia looked up and smiled at him, rolling her eyes. The truth was, Trevor looked incredibly hot with the tiny baby in the crook of his forearm, holding her effortlessly, looking just as taken with Billie as she felt.
Trevor ignored his sister and Carisi and turned to Olivia, catching her eyes. He knew what she was thinking. He leaned in and pressed his lips against her temple.
"I'm gonna go to the bar and get refills… you want something?" she asked him.
"No thank you," he smiled. "Take my card," he nodded toward his own breast pocket, "it's in the phone case slot," he tugged at his jacket.
Usually Olivia argued with him when it came to money, but she was starting to let go a little and do as he asked knowing that it made him happy to financially take care of things – even as little as a drink from the bar.
"Thanks," she smiled," taking his wallet from inside of the breast of his jacket.
She made her way over to the bar, following Amanda's path. She was irate with her, she knew her detective's pattern of behavior. Having watched the way Amanda treated Carisi was almost like looking at her own situation from outside of the box and it didn't sit well with her.
"Hey…" Olivia greeted her, standing beside her.
"Hi Liv, is everything okay with Billie?"
"Yeah, Trevor really is the baby whisperer," she flashed her a smile. The bartender served Amanda a glass small glass of some kind of spirit. Olivia ordered another coke.
"You look really happy, Liv, and you've got that new-love glow, it's so nice to see."
"Thanks…" Olivia's voice trailed off.
"I'm still surprised that you managed to fall in love with someone you hated so much," and that was Amanda, she could be so sweet but sometimes her compliments were punctuated by a tiny thorn pressed in to the skin. Olivia's smile disappeared.
"I never hated Trevor," she said quickly.
"You know what I mean-"
"No," Olivia said firmly, "Was I angry about the Sanchez case? Sure, but I've never hated him. He is responsible for why I got Noah and why I still have Noah and I'm not a judgmental person, Amanda, he's a good person, a very good person."
She nodded as if she wasn't that interested and it was because she was too focused on Carisi and Erika flirting and laughing with each other harder than she was sure she'd seen him laugh before.
"Amanda, you need to give him up."
"What?" she asked, peeling her eyes away, "what are you talking about?"
"You know what I'm talking about. You have turned Sonny down twice this year alone. You don't want him but it's not fair of you to suddenly show interest when he found someone else. I've been there, it doesn't feel great when someone you care about continually does that to you."
"Liv –" she began, "with all due respect."
"No, don't say it-" Olivia replied firmly, "Coming up and asking Sonny to take care of your baby to assert your ownership? Don't do that Amanda, you're better than that."
"Olivia we aren't at work now, you don't get to lecture me just because Sonny wants to make me jealous with your boyfriend's baby sister."
Olivia breathed in deeply. "That's fine Amanda, but you're right, that's Trevor's baby sister and she's now my family and you better believe that her happiness is my priority." She took her drink from the bar and made off, irate by the detective that she sometimes questioned whether or not she was worth the issues that she had created over the years – and subordination; she had lost count of the amount of times Amanda had yelled back at her, called her out for things that she had no control over and acting questionably toward victims.
She told herself to be professional, not to worry, to worry about Erika and Erika only.
/
"Are we old and boring?" Trevor asked watching the younger people dance with some terrible 90s music that neither of them knew very well.
Olivia laughed and shook her head. "I hope not, we're going to have a baby soon," she replied. "I'm not ready to be old."
Fin and Garland had been sitting with them but went off to get a drink. Trevor inched closer to her and kissed her lips. "What happened with Amanda?" he wondered.
"She didn't get her way and I told her to cut it out with Carisi, we had words. She had a tantrum as Amanda does and she left," Olivia shrugged. "I don't have the patience to deal with it and maybe that's because of my issues with Elliot or maybe its because she's acting like a child, either way… tonight's not the night."
"True," Trevor agreed. "How are you feeling? Are you tired? Having a good time?"
"Tired," she smiled at him, reaching him, grazing her fingers along his stubbled face. "But I'm having a good time, I don't understand why people are supposed to be showing up later," she laughed, "the party said it started at 7pm, why would you not show up at 7?" she asked, "or is that us being old?"
"I think people just think they're better than the start time," he said with a wry laugh.
She smiled at him, still holding his eye contact. Trevor's hand rested on her thigh, his warm hand flat against the inside of her leg, his fingertips tracing patterns. Some days it was a comfort, other days his touch was a turn on that she could barely deal with.
His eyes scanned her face, looking for a reaction. "You better be careful…" she murmured, "if you don't stop doing that, you are going to have to take me somewhere and do what you do best…"
A grin crossed his mouth; cocky, confident and full of adoration for her. It was hard to resist. She almost gasped as his hand disappeared further up her thigh covering the thin lace of her underwear, his fingertips grazing her heat.
"I could be persuaded to do that," he replied.
Her eyes fell closed briefly trying to compose herself. "Trevor…"
He removed his hand. "I am going to find a special place for us," he told her, sliding out of the booth. "Keep your phone close, I'll text you directions."
Olivia laughed. "Trevor!" she exclaimed with a laugh. She half expected him to come back thinking that he was joking.
"Give me five minutes," he held up his hand turning back, showing him his hand, wiggling his fingers. "Five," he repeated.
She started to laugh, "Nooo! Come back!"
"Where's he off to?" Christian Garland asked, returning to the table.
"Oh," Liv peeled her eyes away from the man that she was deeply, deeply in love with. She watched him disappear around the other side of the bar. "He's just gone to call our nanny to check in on the kids," she fibbed – her skin was still tingling where his hand had been.
He slid down back across from her and took a sip of his beer. "How does it feel to be 40, Christian?" Liv asked him.
He chuckled, "The same as it did yesterday," he smiled, taking a swig.
She laughed. "So, I know we all agreed no shop talk, but… I have something I need to .. disclose to you," she glanced around her to make sure no one was listening.
"Of course, is everything okay?" he asked, leaning forward.
"Yes… I don't want to make a fuss but I need you to know that Trevor and I, we're expecting a child…"
"What!" Garland exclaimed with a big grin, "are you serious!?" he glanced down as if he might be able to see.
She nodded, not being able to help but to grin back. "Yeah… I'm not very far along,"
"How far?" Christian asked, invested.
She thought for a moment, "Well, I'm going in to my 15th week that's why I've been on and off with work, I've just not coped with the first trimester… but I'm feeling less sick with it all now so I guess, can we just keep a lid on it until I get halfway and reevaluate?"
He nodded, "I trust your judgment, Olivia, but I trust that you won't get yourself in to any physical situations on jobs."
"Gotcha," she agreed.
"Well, congratulations, that explains why you haven't picked up a drink." He nodded at her coke.
Her phone chimed in front of her. "Uh…" she apologized, her legs bouncing with busy anticipation. She opened the text message. "Come around your left of the bar, toward the restroom, keep walking down past there, make sure no one sees you and there's a little door off to the right, knock twice. Waiting for you, I'm as hard as a rock, Liv and can't wait to lift up that hot little dress and wrap your gorgeous legs around me."
"And then what?" she replied back and pressed send, trying not to smirk or blush.
She locked the phone. She glanced up at Christian Garland, her superior and tried to give him all of her attention but it was very hard to concentrate. "Sorry chief, I'll be back in a few minutes, Trevor is having trouble consoling Noah," she told him.
"Sure, go ahead," he smiled. She heard her message tone chime again. She plucked her phone up as she followed the path that he directed her to take feeling reckless and youthful. She glanced at her phone.
"You better get in here and find out…" the message read.
She smirked and knocked twice on the door.
The door opened up and Trevor smiled at her, he grabbed her arm and tugged her inside.
She laughed, his force catching her off guard. He was firm but gentle. Her heart pounded against her chest as she heard the click of him locking the door that he had her pressed up against.
He wasted no time; he took her face in his hands and kissed her hungrily. Olivia kissed him back, not even caring that her warm, pink lipstick would be smeared over him and probably across her own face. She felt the urgency between them – the need; the want, it created a heat a heat from both of their bodies.
"I have wanted you, all, fucking, night…" Trevor told her between kisses. His lips were at her neck, his hands all over her. Their kisses were frenzied and passionate and Olivia couldn't keep her hands to herself. She unbuckled his belt and it was met with no protest. His own hands were sliding up the back of her thighs, eliciting a quiet moan in to his mouth.
She reached for the button on the front of his pants and popped it skillfully from it's slot. She unzipped him the rest of the way and pushed his pants down until they pooled at his feet.
His tongue filled her mouth, swirling around hers, massaging the tip of his tongue along her own, tugging at her lower lip playfully with his teeth.
He felt her hand slide down the front of his trunks and broke the kiss, concentrating on not making a sound. Olivia loved his reaction as she pushed the waistband down, freeing his bulging penis from its restraint overwhelming with a sense of relief.
"Shit…" he uttered softly, "that's too good, Liv…"
"Yeah?" she questioned him, her thumb sliding across his head. His legs weakened and a lightning bolt of arousal rippled through him. "Shit…" he muttered again.
"Here…" she murmured, "hold on to my hand," she ordered him, holding her arm out. He wondered what she was doing but soon figured it out as he supported her weight as she slowly lowered to her knees.
"Holy shit," he muttered, "Liv, you don't have to-" he whispered.
"I'm down here now," she joked. He chuckled as well. She let go of his hand and firmly gripped his shaft, guiding him in to her mouth. Trevor leaned back slightly grabbing on to the back of a chair that was behind him in the old, disbanded office.
He felt her tongue exploring him, flipping over his tip, making him involuntarily thrust; apologizing each time it happened and feeling comforted by her silent laughter against him. He reached down, caressing her hair as she worked her mouth over him; taking him in as far as she could, looking up every moment or so to make eyes with him. It drove him absolutely crazy when she made eye contact with him.
He felt her hands smoothing around him, touching his intimate spaces and making it hard for him to not want to come. "Liv stop, come on," he reached for her hand again and helped her back to her feet.
He wasn't messing about, he slid her underwear down and began to explore her, readying her for him. He watched her eyes roll back in to her head as he slipped his fingers inside of her, feeling that she was already aroused and ready for him to slide in to her.
He tucked his thumb beneath her opening and made soft and slow circles. It sent her breathing in to labors for air – her eyes clamped shut and he smiled, planting kisses on her jaw, "does it feel okay?" he asked.
She nodded, "fuck me…" she begged him. "hurry up…"
"You want me to fuck you?" he asked slowly, still taking his time with the pad of his thumb circling around the outside of her clitoris, "so rude…" he remarked cockily.
"Trevor-" she warned him, "don't fuck around."
"So you don't want me to fuck you? Make up your mind-"
Her eyes opened and she looked at him, trying to catch her breath. "Please," she said softly, "please don't mess around with me." The vulnerability in her expression was enough for him to drop his silliness.
He moved closer, using his knee to wedge her legs apart. He realized it wasn't going to work; instead he lifted her leg gripping her the back of her thigh allowing him the room he needed to slide his hard cock inside of her. He wrapped an arm around her waist and lifted her off the ground, shuffling against the wall beside the door so the sound of him plunging in to her against it didn't make as much noise.
Pressed against the structure, Olivia felt a mix of pleasure and pain as she felt him slide deeply within her, over and over hitting the spot and creating the kind of satisfaction she'd never experienced; she knew it was to do with her pregnancy, but her desires sometimes felt like an itch that she couldn't reach and only when he was inside her; hard and forceful was she able to satisfy the urge. It was necessary.
He kept going, holding off coming for as long as he could. Olivia's stamina had increased during her pregnancy, her wants and needs were more frequent and he had to slowly try to hold himself back – sometimes it worked and sometimes he didn't but he was close and he didn't want to disappoint.
He reached down between them as best as he could, letting his fingers pay attention once again to her clitoris, trying to bring her to orgasm faster. It seemed to work; he could tell by the way her body began to tense, the noises of quiet pleasure building to a crescendo of arousal.
She tightened around him and he was thankful; he had been on the cusp of ejaculating for longer than he thought possible. Her body tensed up as an orgasm passed through her body – she trembled within his arms before becoming motionless as her body tensed again, her body involuntarily repeating the action over and over; tensing and trembling as she came. She felt him coming too, his warmth filling her up.
Trevor began to kiss her; urgently again at first but he slowed down, matching his own heart rate. Olivia shoulders slumped and Trevor slowly lowered her down, holding on to her hips making sure her legs weren't about to buckle beneath her.
When he was satisfied that she wasn't going to collapse before him, he let go of her. He planted a few lingering, soft kisses on her lips. "You good?" he asked softly.
"Yeah…" she nodded, still a little breathless. Her brain was fuzzy.
He took her face in his hands and kissed her again. "I love you," he murmured.
"I love you too…" she replied. He pulled his pants back up and done his fly up and buckled his belt. He grabbed her underwear that she had somehow lost over her shoes in the flurry. He picked them up and dangled them. She went to swipe them from him but he pulled them away and tucked them in to his jacket pocket.
"I'll hold on to these."
"Trevor…" she warned him, but she found his teasing to be good-natured and fun.
"What?" his smirk grew as he gave his pocket a little pat, "I'll keep 'em safe, promise."
"I can't walk around without underwear."
"Sure you can, it'll be freeing, trust me, you'll enjoy it. We'll be the only ones that know." He planted a kiss upon the tip of her nose.
She decided to go along with him. "Fine," she replied with a non-committal shrug.
"Okay, I'm gonna slip out, I'm going to ask them where you are-"
"I told Christian you texted me to come and console Noah cos you were calling to check, say I consoled him and may have gone to use the bathroom, play dumb…" she directed him.
Trevor laughed, "you got it all worked out my love," he murmured. "See you out there…"
/
On the way back to the bar Trevor checked himself out in a vanity mirror on the wall and made sure his suit was straightened back out and his hair wasn't a mess. When he was satisfied he pretended to be playing with his phone as if he was just hanging up. He saw Christian and waved at him, he was still sitting in the booth.
"Where's Liv?" Trevor asked looking genuinely quizzical.
"Oh, she said she was going to see you to console Noah?" he rose his eyebrow, realizing as the words left his mouth Olivia might have lied to take a call or to do something she didn't want any of them to know about.
"Oh, yeah she did, she must have gone to the bathroom or something…" he shrugged. "Would you like another drink, birthday guy?"
"Sure," Garland smiled at him.
Once Trevor took a drink order from Garland he made his way to the bar and ordered himself another coke. "Mr Langan," a voice greeted him a little to his left. He looked up and saw the other lawyer – one of the only men he knew who came close to matching his height.
"Mr Goodwin," Trevor smiled and nodded at him with acknowledgement, watching the lawyer making his way over. They shook hands. "Good to see you."
It was a lie; he found Edgar Goodwin to be obnoxious and a little smarmy. He wasn't really a big fan, but Trevor was not the kind to be impolite.
Goodwin laughed, he knew Trevor wasn't entirely sincere but he was okay with it. He noticed that the tall, dark and handsome lawyer was eyeing someone behind him. He looked over his shoulder and saw Olivia walking in, awkwardly smoothing down the back of her dress.
Trevor smiled to himself, knowing she was feeling self conscious without her underwear. He slipped his hand in to his pocket to make sure her black pants were still wear he put them.
"Hey," he grinned at her as she made a beeline toward him.
"Hi," Liv flashed him a smile. "Hey, Edgar!" she greeted the man beside Trevor.
He grinned right back at her, his eyes all over her; this did not go unnoticed to Trevor who couldn't help but to feel irate immediately. Edgar leaned in for an-all-too-familiar hug and kiss. "How are you, Olivia?" he asked her, running his hand from her shoulder all the way down her arm until his hand fell in to hers.
She smiled back at him, "Really good, thank you, how about you?" she wondered.
"Great now that you're here! I didn't think you were coming."
She chuckled, a little embarrassed.
"Can I get you a drink? A wine?" he offered.
Olivia looked back at Trevor who smiled tightly at her as she dropped Edgar's hand. "Oh, thank you but no, Trevor just ordered me a drink, right?" she asked him, watching the bartender push two cokes on to the bar.
"Right," he replied. Garland's beer was placed there too, "and a beer for Garland."
"I'll take it over to him, thank you!" she smiled at Trevor and he couldn't help but to feel a little put out – Olivia showed him no affection, made no effort to put Edgar's innocuous flirting to rest. If anything, it seemed like she didn't want him to know that she and Trevor were a thing.
"Thanks," Trevor replied watching her go and find her way over to a group of people that surrounded Christian.
"She's so beautiful," Edgar remarked, "she looks hot in that dress," he turned around, his back to the bar taking a sip of the scotch on the rocks in the small glass tumbler.
"Yes, she does," Trevor agreed.
"You must work with her a lot now, do you know if she's seeing anyone?" Edgar asked, "I mean, I took her on a couple of dates but I dare say she wasn't ready for a relationship."
Trevor felt like he'd been punched. He looked down at his drink; his tight smile dissipating. Olivia had never mentioned dating Edgar. "Yeah, she and I are seeing each other," he replied, glancing at who he could be considering to be his arch rival.
Edgar started to laugh, "Seriously?" he laughed more and Trevor wanted so much to wipe the smile from his face. "Wow…"
"Seriously," he replied, not falling for the smugness of the lawyer who he'd seen with more women on his arm than Trevor cared to think about. He couldn't stand to think about Olivia just another notch in his belt.
"Well, as far as I could see, there is no ring on her yet, so all's fair in love and war, right?" he raised his glass before Trevor could say a word, "Olivia likes me, she always has, let the best man win."
Trevor breathed in deeply and let out his breath as he watched Edgar make his way over to Olivia. He needed to calm himself down and not cause a scene at another man's party. Edgar made his presence known- he was better and more confident around larger groups of people than Trevor was – he was the life-of-the-party type of person. Trevor could tell by the way everyone immediately paid attention to him; he roused laughter from all that stood around including Olivia.
He felt a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach. He turned his back, facing the bar and took out his phone. There was a part of him that missed Helena terribly in the moment – she had known him well enough to know when his insecurities were about to ruin him and she always had the right words to build him up. It seemed manipulative in hindsight because she also knew the right words to bring him down – but in the months leading up to her passing she had been amazing when it came to encouragement.
He sighed, a heaviness settled over him – he hadn't felt the kind of anxiety since meeting Olivia that seemed to cripple him when he was single.
He realized he had no one to text; Helena was gone, there was no support, Olivia was the person he looked to for emotional support – for assurance even if he didn't tell her how he was feeling, she seemed to pick up on it. He dared to look back and felt sick to see Olivia engaged in a story, holding Edgar by the arm before they both erupted in to laughter.
He turned back to his phone and scrolled through his social media, trying to find something that would take his attention away from the anger that had quickly turned to upset. He noticed Erika had posted a photo with Carisi. He tried not to be annoyed by just how quickly things seemed to be progressing. In just two weeks she was suddenly giddy and head over heels.
He reminded himself that he had a similar timeline with Olivia – just two nights before he knew.
Maybe Olivia didn't know, he thought slowly, maybe it was why he was sure he saw her flinch each time Noah called him Daddy, or why she didn't correct Eloise when she reverted back to calling her Livvy.
Maybe Olivia wasn't as all-in as she thought.
The thoughts zipped through his mind and he started to feel physically sick.
"Big bro!" Erika's voice sounded beside him, jabbing him playfully. He rested his shaking hand on the bar and turned to his sister. "What are you stalking my insta page for?" she laughed.
"Just looking, cute photo…" he nodded toward the big open mouthed smile shared with Carisi. "Feelin' as good as he looks 3" she had captioned it – a barrage of replies from people that he'd never met.
"Trevor, what's wrong?" Erika asked, immediately picking up on his vibe. "Why are you sitting here on your own? Who is that pig over there all over your woman?" she asked, nodding behind him. "What a sleaze…"
He felt a little relief. "Don't…" he murmured.
"Don't what? Trevor, don't sleep on this one, he has eyes for your woman."
"So what? Let him…"
She glanced at her brother long and hard and put a hand on his back. He sat up straighter as if her affection burned him. "Trevor, this is not you – has this guy shaken you up?" she asked, quieting her voice, "who the fuck is he?"
"No-one," he replied, "it's fine, Ez, go and enjoy your night, I'm fine."
"Listen," she told him, "I'm not a kid anymore and I really need you to stop seeing me as one and start treating me like your sister and not your daughter, please… I can see you're upset and I'm allowed to worry about you too. What happened?"
He turned to her and stared in to her blue eyes for a moment and could see that she was genuinely concerned. "I know it's dumb," he began, "but in the past, in these similar moments where I've felt anxious or … inferior," he muttered the last word so quietly that his sister almost didn't hear, "I used to call Helena; she knew the right thing to say, I struggled with the confidence to win Olivia; she helped me get past that and I guess I'm having a moment where I'm mad at Liv and I'm really missing my friendship with Helena post-divorce." He sighed, "there, happy?"
"No Trev, I'm not happy. I am not saying this because you are my big brother, but you are not inferior, you are better than that smarmy bastard over there. You are so respectful and so kind and you really do take after your little sister in the looks department," she winked, "go over there and make sure that buffoon knows that you are Olivia Benson's man! He is all over her."
"I can't look," he replied covering his face with his hand.
"Trevor," Erika warned him, "I had to be a graceful grown up tonight and go and make my presence known with that blonde mess Amanda Rollins. I had to be the person who stood between her thinking she can just come and make me feel like I don't matter – and I did it with a smile and with a good nature, you need to do this too."
"Apparently he and Liv have had a few dates."
"So what?" Erika shot back, "a few dates – obviously it didn't work out for a reason – she's with you not him and she's so happy with you and so happy to be a Mom to your baby, trust me."
"Thanks Ez…" Trevor let his voice trail.
"Come on, I'll come over with you…" she smiled at him. "Also, you better like my picture with Sonny…"
Trevor managed a laugh and hit the heart button. "Do I need to reply with some inane comment as well? Omg babbbbeeee so hot right now!" he teased her.
"Yeah that'd be good actually, do that." They both laughed.
"Wait a sec," she stopped him as he was about to head over.
He glanced a her quizzically. She smiled at him, "Give me a hug you tall bastard," she commanded with a little laugh.
"Lucky that I love you so much," he chuckled, wrapping his arms around his sister and giving her a warm hug.
"I love you too, thank you for relaxing about Sonny, I promise he's being a perfect gentleman," she told him as he pulled away.
"Good, I'm glad to hear that," he smiled. He put an arm around his sister's shoulders as they made their way to the few detectives still milling around. Olivia and Edgar were talking between themselves and it seemed intense and intimate and made Trevor's stomach churn.
"Mr Langan!" Edgar greeted him. Trevor moved to Olivia's side, still with his arm around Erika. "Wow," he gave Erika a once and twice over, "who is this lovely lady? Your girlfriend? I didn't realize you were seeing anyone!" he met eyes with Trevor and smiled at him as if butter wouldn't melt in his mouth.
"This is my 30 year-old sister, Erika," he introduced her. "Ez, this is Edgar Goodwin, he's a defense attorney."
Erika gave him a once and twice over right back but not with the same eyes as he had given to her. She turned to Olivia, "Actually my brother is dating Olivia but I think you knew that," she smiled innocently at him right back.
Edgar looked to Olivia for confirmation as if he didn't believe it. "Seriously?" he asked, "I'm so sorry," he grabbed Olivia's hand, "I was just about to ask you on another date, we had so much fun last time!" he smiled sincerely.
Olivia laughed and her face flushed. "Sorry Edgar, I'm going to have to let you down gently."
"Lucky you," Edgar remarked to Trevor, briefly looking at him, "well regretfully I'll say you know where to find me if it doesn't work out," he laughed as if he was just joking but both Erika and Trevor felt offended.
Olivia laughed too, feeling awkward and uncomfortable but unsure of exactly how to extricate herself from the situation. "I'll keep that in mind," she replied, pulling her hand from Edgar's for what felt like the fourth time.
There was something about him that engaged him, but the other side of him – the flirty, lady-killer side that outlined to her once after she refused to go back to his place, that he could get any woman he wanted, it was a turn off and his advances were sometimes too friendly.
She couldn't wait for him to leave
Trevor rose an eyebrow, feeling even worse that Olivia didn't quickly answer Edgar's question much less answer with that sense of pride that she usually did. "I mean, its fine –" Trevor piped up, gutted, "don't say let me hold you both back, what would I care, I'm just the stupid baby daddy that you live with," he said emotionlessly. He rose his drink in a cheers motion, "enjoy yourselves." He swallowed the last of it and let it slam against a nearby tabletop.
He turned around to his sister who stood stunned, "Have a good night, kiddo," he smiled, kissing her cheek. "I'll talk to you tomorrow."
He left the bar.