Hi everyone, i am tired AF but I really want to post this update! I hope you enjoy this. I have some ideas for my next chapter. Thanks for being so patient. Let me know how you think it is. :) lots of love to you all xx
Erika looked to Olivia, sharing shocked expressions. Olivia felt awful, she glanced at Edgar. "Wow, he's sensitive. Baby daddy, huh?" he chuckled. "Olivia you can do bette-"
"Oh Edgar, just stop," she shook her head, her forehead creased with concern. "Sorry, Ez, say goodbye to everyone for me."
"How about that date, Liv? You know how to get in touch!" he called out to her, laughing in a way that she had once found charming but now only seemed spiteful.
She followed the same path that Trevor had made down. Her legs took her as fast as they could go, not wanting him to jump in a cab or an uber without her.
/
Trevor cursed in to the air, someone passing by glanced him and moved away.
"Trevor, what the hell was that?" Olivia's voice sounded behind him. He whirled around. She made a beeline for him, "why are you so mad at me?"
He laughed at the sheer tension of it all. "If you don't know then that's on you, I just want to go home to bed. I'm tired."
Olivia felt deflated and upset that their perfect night had turned so quickly. Trevor's demeanor was almost unrecognizable. The confident, broad man she was so used to being in the company of was slouching, quiet and seemed almost as though he was too exhausted to care how she was feeling.
It was hurtful.
An Uber pulled up. "This is me, are you coming or staying?" he asked in a tone that seemed impatient and indifferent.
"I'm not going back in there after you caused a scene, Trevor and I'm not letting you go home on your own."
There was a part of him that felt relieved that she wanted to come home with him—but the other part of him didn't want to see her lose it. Weird feelings of grief and anger and shame flooded him. He was embarrassed for causing a scene and felt even worse for embarrassing her, but he was still so upset for what she did or more what she didn't do.
Olivia thought it was a good sign that he opened the car door for her and waited for her to get in before he got in to the passenger side in the front. He didn't want to be near her, afraid that he would give in to her affections when really he didn't want his own feelings to be buried.
He made polite conversation with the Uber driver saying as little as possible. The tension in the car was almost too much to handle.
Once they arrived back home, Trevor let her in to the town house. The kids were in bed and Lucy was at the table on her computer doing some studying. Trevor gave her a weak smile and a wave and went upstairs. Olivia saw Lucy out and joined him upstairs – the tension still thick in the air between them.
"Thanks for my dress, I really love it, you did a great job at picking it." she remarked, trying to test the waters for conversation.
"You're welcome," he replied coldly. She watched him discard her underwear from his pocket and toss them in to the laundry hamper – and for some reason it struck her as being hurtful.
Trevor was the only man she had ever been entirely herself with; the only man she had let see her in her most vulnerable states – she was so sexually open with him that sometimes when he inhibitions came back she blushed at the things she said or did – but she loved him and she knew that their sexual relationship was entirely private and respectful. Allow him to physically take her underwear as she walked around without seemed like no big deal, but it had been – the Olivia Benson she knew herself to be would never have walked around in a dress without underwear but she was happy to do whatever Trevor found sexy.
Not to say there wasn't an element of a turn on in it for her, but the fact that he had discarded the intimacy between them so carelessly hurt.
"Trevor do you seriously think that I would have preferred to be out on a date with Goodwin?" she asked him feeling provoked by his actions, "is that why you're mad at me?"
He sat on the edge of his bed and rubbed his face. He knew Olivia wasn't entirely to blame; he was mostly furious with Edgar and the way he had so easily ruffled his feathers and humiliated him.
But it was also more than that – it was the way Olivia had let him run his hand down her arm sheer minutes after they had been intimate. It was the way Olivia blushed when he spoke to her – the way she didn't touch Trevor or show an indication of their relationship and even when pressed, her response had not been adequate.
"Liv, I don't want to do this—" he replied feebly.
"Well too bad," she shot back, "you can't embarrass me like that and not give me an explanation for your weird, jealous streak."
"Are you fucking kidding me?" he asked incredulously. "Are you fucking shitting me right now, Olivia?"
She was shocked by his raised voice, the anger that seemed to explode. "What the hell is going on with you?" she asked, pulling her silk floral robe around her, tying it at the waist.
"You didn't tell him we were together!" he exploded, "you let him flirt with you! You didn't tell me you guys used to date and you were so quick to laugh along with him at my expense! I'm fucking… hurt!"
Olivia was surprised; now that he had blurted it out she could see that perhaps she hadn't done enough to make it more obvious that she wanted no part in Edgar's flirtatiousness.
"Trevor, firstly I thought he knew we were together and … that's just Edgar, he's a sleaze, if I had to bat off every man aggressively that ever paid attention to me in my line of work I'd be needing you to follow me everywhere with a bucket of warm piss to throw over me just so your scent is known."
Trevor shook his head in disbelief. "Oh my goodness," he laughed in exasperation, "well how wonderful for you, out of all these men that fawn all over the great Olivia Benson you got to pick little old me…" he was sarcastic and angry. He shook his head and rolled his eyes, dropping the tone, "Give me a fucking break."
"Don't fucking speak to me like that Trevor, that's not how I meant it and you know it!" she snapped, "This is a male-dominated industry, men hate to see women at the top and to people like Edgar it's a little game to get powerful women to buckle beneath their little spell - it justifies their ideals that a woman at the top is nothing but a placeholder until a more capable man comes along."
"What the fuck has this got to do with Edgar putting his hands on you and you not flat out telling him no you're with me?" he asked, "stop distracting from the fact that you are in the wrong – is this how it's going to be?" he asked her, "are you ashamed of me?"
"Holy shit," she breathed, "you are so fucking insecure – I thought we were past this." She stood in the middle of the room, her hand on her hip with frustration.
"Why do you get to be the only one who needs assurances?" he threw back at her. "Yeah, maybe I was having a moment of insecurity when I see a guy all over you – when a guy approaches me at a bar and when I tell him that you and I are dating, he laughs in my face and tells me that the best man shall win…." He fired back, his head starting to throb and now he had wished he'd had some alcohol.
"What?" Olivia asked, her voice lowering.
"Yeah and when I actually get the courage to approach, that motherfucker flirts with you in front of me, pretends he truly thinks Erika and I are together as if I hadn't just told him you and I were a thing and then he continues to ask you on a fucking date in front of me and you don't say 'No, Trevor just told you we are together, don't be rude to him." He finished.
"How the fuck was I supposed to know that Edgar did that? I didn't know how to respond, I was uncomfortable and taken off guard, that doesn't discount my feelings for you!" she sat back on the bed too, upset.
"See Liv, that's the difference, when Corine at school drop off has brazenly flirted with me and even hinted at meeting me for coffee, I have immediately told her with no trepidation that I am as good as married and would never be meeting up with her for coffee. I would never want you to feel the way I felt tonight…"
She said nothing, his anger retreating and sadness overtaking his tone. She felt bad.
"I'm sorry, Trevor… I just-"
"You enjoyed the attention Liv," he shrugged, "I watched you, you were laughing with him, touching his arm… honestly you know that made me feel?" he asked her, staring in to her eyes. She couldn't say anything. He didn't wait for a reply. "it made me feel like a piece of shit – like you're not entirely sure about me."
"Right…" she wore his white tshirt and rubbed her belly, beneath the robe "so I'm just having your baby because I'm not sure about you, seems sane."
He couldn't deny that despite how upset her felt, he still loved to see the swell of her belly on display for him and him only. "How do I know I'm not just a fucking sperm donor? You would have kept the baby regardless of how I felt about it, don't be glib."
"Holy shit," her eyes filled with tears, "You're so hurt? You want me to be apologetic for what I did? I'm sorry you got hurt, I didn't mean to hurt your feelings that's the last thing I'd want honey," she said, with exasperation, "but now you're just trying to be hurtful."
He got up, wanting to get away from her but he had no idea where he wanted to go.
"I'm not trying to be hurtful," he said resolutely, "I'm trying to convey my feelings, isn't that what you want?" he asked.
She stared at him, her eyes burning in to his. Her body felt hot with emotion and she wanted to cry but she blinked back her tears. "Not like this…" she murmured.
"Okay, so I'm only allowed to share my feelings if it suits you?" he asked, "because I gotta tell you, Olivia, that's just not fucking fair."
She sighed and shook her head slowly, feeling angry and upset and ready to just want to collect her things and go but she realized that part of moving in with him meant that she had no where to run – she couldn't succumb to her regular MO of leaving when things got tough.
"You just decided I was being shady before giving me a chance to explain myself and that's the real problem here," she told him bluntly, "and I don't want to do this dance in circles, honey," she told him. Each time she called him a pet name, he found it patronizing.
He glared back at her, waiting for her to say more.
"Did you think that maybe I felt uncomfortable by Edgar touching me? That you could have made your presence known and taken that discomfort from me rather than assuming I was trying to flirt back?"
"Oh, so now it's my fault? I'm not a fucking mind reader, Olivia!" he exclaimed, raising his voice; his frustration reaching a new height.
"You are ruthless when it comes to your fucking standards, Trevor – not everyone can live up to them. They're ridiculous." She was done arguing, "no wonder your sister didn't fucking tell you she wasn't studying anymore – the reason why your ex wife-" she stopped herself before the words left her mouth. It was too cruel and uncalled for and she didn't mean what she desperately wanted to push from her lips. She wanted him to hurt but the words were not kind and most definitely not true.
"Finish that sentence…" he challenged her, speaking slowly. "Go on, Olivia, clearly you want to get a few things off your chest." He knew if she said what he felt was coming, it would cause an explosion within him that he wasn't sure he'd recover from – or she would recover from.
"I'm not going to finish that sentence," she said quietly, retreating, feeling overwhelmed with a sense of guilt for even thinking to say something so unforgiving out loud, "because even at my worst moment, I can recognize when I'm saying things I don't mean just to get a reaction from you. I'm done fighting with you…"
She made her way to their bed and picked up her pillow and crossed the room, feeling his eyes on her.
She opened the door to leave.
"You don't get to walk away from me, Liv, you don't get to start to say something you clearly want to say and then leave." he said to her. He followed her in to the hall, she was ignoring him, hoping that he didn't see the flood of tears that fell down her face. "Great! Mature move, Olivia," he rose his voice, "You told me people walking away from you was the cruelest thing you've ever had to deal with. You're a hypocrite!"
She stopped walking, he saw her drawing in a deep breath. "Fuck you, Trevor!" she shouted angrily, "I am not walking away from you. I am just done arguing while we are both this angry." She dared to turn to him.
He saw the tears streaming down her cheeks. He was confronted, jarred by how much their arguing was affecting her. Immediately it reeled him back in, he realized how badly he didn't want her to cry, how much he hated to hurt her.
"I'm sorry," he murmured.
"Me too," she muttered, wiping her eyes with the backs of her hands.
It felt like there was a chasm between them – neither of them were willing to cross it to reach the other but Noah appearing at his bedroom door with his fish stuffie tucked under his arm brought them back to reality.
"Bud," Trevor said softly, the tension fell from his face, he winced as though he was gutted that he'd been woken up. Olivia went to rush to Noah but Trevor beat her to it and scooped him up, cuddling him. Noah began to cry, "why are you yelling?" he asked, "you scared me."
"I'm so sorry, honey," Liv came to Trevor's side putting her hand on her son's back. "Mom and Dad were just having a discussion-"
"You were yelling," he pouted, "Mommy why are you crying?"
Olivia blinked back fresh tears. "Mommy is just a little upset, but its okay babe," she told him with a smile.
"How about a nice warm cuddle with Mommy and then me and then I'll tuck you back in?" Trevor suggested, "no more yelling, I promise," Trevor kissed Noah's forehead.
"Okay Daddy," he agreed sleepily.
Olivia felt momentarily comforted that Trevor was able to quickly put aside their frustrations enough to show her son the kind heart that she was so used to seeing. He barely looked at her though. She put her pillow down beside her as Trevor handed Noah over for a hug. She wrapped her arms around her son and gave him a kiss.
"I'm so sorry for waking you, babe," she kissed him again. "You go back to sleep and have the best dreams okay?"
Noah nodded. She handed him back over to Trevor and watched him go back in to Noah's room. She picked up her pillow and went downstairs and got comfortable on the couch, pulling a blanket over herself.
She laid there for a long time. She felt angry with Trevor for not coming to fight with her – to fight for her or even to apologize for making her cry. A part of her felt resentful – she knew if she went upstairs to their room he would probably be snoring peacefully and it would have made her more furious.
/
Trevor laid in bed unable to sleep. Erika had texted him after they got home and once in bed he checked it.
Wow, you made a scene for someone who didn't want to make a scene. Watch Fin, he really doesn't care for you, especially after earlier. Edgar Goodwin is an evil prick, he brushed past me at the bar, he gives me bad vibes. How are you? Are you okay? Is Liv okay? ARE YOU BOTH OKAY?"
"Fuck Goodwin and Fuck Fin, he thinks he's Olivia's only friend – the most comforting person in her life but he's as disappointing as the rest of the people that have hurt her. Liv is asleep on the couch, we had a huge fight… she's probably resting soundly – like a baby, lol. I'm just laying here staring at the ceiling. Have a good sleep when you get home. YOU BETTER BE GOING HOME TONIGHT!"
He put the phone down and stared at the ceiling a little more. "Okay Trev, bite the bullet and apologize. I don't really think that was intending on hurting your feelings…. Even if she needs to apologize too, she will; she just needs you to soften a bit. You did embarrass her in front of her friends and colleagues whether you think it was justified or not…"
She had a point.
Trevor put his phone down and lay for awhile longer. He had an idea of what she was going to say and was comforted that she didn't say it. He was feeling particularly sensitive all he wanted was for her to recognize that.
Despite not being the kind of man that curtailed to society's idea of masculinity; he wasn't quite sure how to address feeling sad about his ex wife and feeling triggered by another man honing in on his woman after all the times his wife had treated and found comfort in other men.
It was around 4am when he finally realized he wasn't going to be sleeping. He sat up and drew in some courage. He made his way downstairs in his trunks. The cold air breezed through the ground floor; the tiles were colder than usual and he hated that Olivia could be cold.
He made his way to the living room and found her huddled beneath a blanket that his mother had made for Eloise. He could tell that she was sleeping just lightly. "Liv," he touched his hand to her cool skin.
She opened her eyes immediately and stared at him.
He realized how streaked her cheeks were from her tears and how blood-shot and puffy her face was. He imagined she had cried a lot as soon as she was on her own. He felt terrible and all of a sudden his feelings and anger from the bar seemed to extinguish.
"Baby, come to bed, it's too cold."
He could tell that she was cold, she was shaking. He pressed his lips against her forehead and stroked her hair. "I'm sorry."
She blinked at him slowly, waking up properly. Her eyes rimmed with fresh tears.
"Please don't cry," he commanded softly. "I'm gonna take you back to bed, okay?"
She nodded and before she knew it he had tucked an arm beneath her knees and slid his other up beneath her shoulders and lifted her off the couch and transported her back up to their bedroom.
Around halfway up the stairs she had reached up and circled her arms around his neck, leaning his body in to him.
He pulled the covers up around her. "I love you," he whispered.
"I love you," she replied and even though the anger and the upset and the fight wasn't entirely resolved, it proved to be enough for a peaceful sleep. He lay beside her and willed for her to make contact with him; anything to show him that she was done fighting.
He was definitely done. He knew he needed to stop accusing her of things that he wasn't entirely sure she was aware she had done. He needed to just breathe through her anger and not bite back at the things she said when she felt attacked.
She rolled over with her back to him and he felt a little deflated. He felt that out of the both of them she had definitely been more hurtful than he had. He sighed heavily and stared in to the early hours of the morning peeping in to the cracks between the curtains.
He heard her sniff and wondered if she was still crying. "Liv, are you awake?" he whispered, scooting over, leaning over her.
She nodded and he knew she was wiping her eyes. He placed a hand on her shoulder but felt her flinching slightly before she slowly relaxed. "Don't cry…" he breathed, forgetting his frustrations for the minute.
"Are you going to break up with me?" she asked; the last word she spoke cracked her voice and she began to cry properly.
"No!" he exclaimed, quickly sitting up, "No Olivia, of course not, we just had a fight and it sucked so bad," he gently pushed her on to her back and wiped away her tears that fell from her face. "I want us to talk about it, but I don't want us to dwell on it," he said quietly. "But nothing's changed, my love," he told her kindly, making sure she knew his words were sincere. He thumbed at her tears, letting his fingers caress her skin.
"I'm so sorry for what I said—what I was going to say about Helena," her voice shook with tears. "I was trying so hard to hurt you but I didn't mean any of it and it was so cruel to bring her up."
"its okay, sweetheart," he replied graciously, "it probably wasn't fair of me to say the things I said too. We don't have to talk about it right now, you're exhausted, I can tell," he murmured and it was true; her voice was huskier and deeper than usual and she was so emotionally, tired from crying.
"I'm so scared you're going to leave me…" she murmured.
"Never," he said, "you could tell me I'm the scum of the earth and that you hate me and I'd still fight for us," he smiled. "Get it out of your head that I'm going to leave, because I'm never leaving you…"
He dared to kiss her. His mouth slowly pressed against hers; soft, lingering and resting upon her lips for longer than a second. "Get some rest," he told her, "we can talk about it later and maybe our feelings will be less empassioned and we can explain our side better."
Olivia agreed.
"Come here, come and cuddle in, your skin is freezing and I hate not having you in my arms when I go to sleep."
Without a word, she slid toward him, feeling relief flooding her when his arms wrapped snugly around her.
/
After only getting an hour or so sleep, Trevor woke to the sound of his phone ringing. Olivia was still asleep behind him and he could see it was just after 8am. He sighed; the kids would sleep all day if he allowed them; especially Eloise.
He lifted his phone, "Mmm…" he murmured grumpily when he realized it was his sister.
"Hey big bro," she greeted him. "Are you still asleep? What are the kids doing?" she was surprised.
"Sleeping too, ugh, what do you want, I've barely slept," he muttered softly, trying not to wake Olivia.
"Ummm well, I'm at the door with Carisi. We have coffee and breakfast and I figured we could hang out with the kids and give you and Olivia some time to yourselves."
He almost laughed. He knew she so badly wanted things to be smooth within his relationship with Liv. "What kind of coffee?" he asked as if he were suspicious.
"Double shot large, skim milk for your precious little tummy... no sugar because you are sweet enough," she added and then laughed in spite of herself. "And whatever Liv's coffee order is, Carisi ordered it, some crazy thing with almond milk… decaf."
"Okay," he stretched, "I guess you guys can come in… you can have the joy of getting the kids out of bed."
"Excellent."
"Give me a few minutes, I have to put some appropriate door-answering clothes on. See you in a minute."
Olivia rolled over. She had been dozing on and off for awhile and had been thinking about their argument the night before. There were still some things that bothered her but in the morning she was able to have a little more perspective. "Who's here?" she asked.
Trevor was still sleepy, she dared looking to his bleary pale green eyes. He gave her a weak smile and leaned over to kiss her lips. "Erika and Carisi, they brought coffee… and wanted to spend some time with the kids."
"Oh… your sister is worried about us," Olivia was able to briefly smile back.
"She doesn't need to. We're okay, but…. It might be nice to be able to just talk and have sometime to discuss what happened last night," he suggested lightly.
"Okay, but I'm warning you, I'm very emotional."
Trevor let a smile cross his lips faintly at her blunt show of vulnerability and already he felt a little better. "I'm not afraid of you being emotional – I'll probably be emotional too, it's maybe the way we should have approached things last night rather than screaming at one another."
She nodded. "Why don't you get up and come downstairs – I told Erika she could have the pleasure of getting the kids up," Trevor suggested.
Olivia laughed lightly. "Well now that's just evil…" Every single morning when Eloise had to get up she cried and tantrummed and they had to bargain with her. The therapist had warned them not to give in, but to rather introduce positive reinforcing. They had figured out that Eloise associated waking up every morning with separation anxiety that had developed due to the possibility of being left at daycare without anyone returning.
The therapist had assured them that it was normal behavior and within time she would grow out of it when she realized that they were always coming back.
Noah, by association, had started to show signs of similar patterns of behavior, Eloise's unspoken fears were rubbing off on to him and making him think that one of his parents might disappear at any time.
She slowly lifted herself up out of bed. "Ugh, if Carisi is here I'm going to have to get properly dressed…" she sighed.
"You look gorgeous and fresh-faced," he complimented her.
"Thanks honey," she replied even if she didn't feel like there was much truth to it.
She got up and went to the bathroom. Trevor threw on some clothes quickly and told her he would meet her downstairs. He was wearing some grey gym pants and a black tank top and shrugged a hoodie over it, zipping it halfway up.
He opened the door and greeted his sister and Carisi.
"Holy shit, you look like hell…" Erika exclaimed.
"Oh, thanks, you look wonderful too," he shot back as Carisi smirked. Erika gave her brother a warm hug as he ushered them inside.
"Here's your coffee man," Carisi took out the recyclable cup from a tray as he set it on the kitchen counter.
"Thank you, I clearly need it…" Trevor took a big sip and let his eyes shut as the warm liquid slid down his throat. "Give me a second, I'll put some heating on – Liv will be down in a moment."
"Trev just relax…" Erika told him. "Take the coffee up to Liv, Sonny and I can get the kids up."
Just as he turned the heating on, he heard the familiar sounds of tears coming from the top of the stairs. "Mommmmmy! Daddddy!"
"Fuck…" Trevor exclaimed, realizing Eloise was up. He heard Olivia's soothing voice as he was about to climb the stairs.
"Honey it's alright," he heard Olivia, "come on, there's no need to cry, we're gonna go downstairs because we have some visitors." They saw Olivia from the landing of the stairs holding Eloise warmly against her. Carisi smiled; he hadn't ever really witnessed her with Noah as a baby but Trevor's daughter was so small and so sweet and Olivia's warmth toward the child made him feel happy.
He couldn't wait to have that for himself.
"Hiiii!" Olivia greeted their visitors. "Look baby, it's auntie Erika and her friend Sonny."
Eloise turned around to look for her aunt but when she saw Carisi she quickly buried her face in to Olivia's neck again. Trevor watched his girlfriend with a little smile.
Nothing felt as serious as it did the night before. He was glad a little sleep and some silence between them had given him that perspective.
"Oh honey, there's no need to get upset…" Trevor told his daughter as Olivia reached the kitchen. He leaned over and kissed the crown of his daughter's head. "Do you want me to take her so you can get something to eat and a coffee?" he suggested.
"Actually we bought some bagels and lox," Erika nodded toward a takeaway bag on the counter.
Olivia grinned at the two of them. "You guys are the best, thank you…" she turned to Trevor, "its okay, I've got her, you eat…"
Eloise's cries had dissipated a little. She was crying softly to herself as Liv rubbed her back. "Honey there's no school today, Daddy and Mommy are home with you and Noah," she told her, kissing her temple. "And Auntie Ez and Sonny are here too—maybe they will play with you, wouldn't you love that?"
Eloise nodded. Olivia caught Carisi's eye and smiled at him. She knew he was watching her, curious of the new relationships that now meant the world to her. She knew out of anyone she could always count on him for his support and him championing her happiness.
"Did you want me to go get Noah up?" Trevor asked her, "or should we let him sleep?"
"It's Sunday, let the kid sleep…" Olivia shrugged. "I don't mind."
"Well, we thought we might take the kids to the park unless you guys have planned, would that be okay?" Carisi asked, looking from Trevor to Liv. "I keep promising that I'll take Noah to play catch-"
"You guys don't have to worry about us," Olivia said with an uncomfortable smile, "Trevor and I had a spat last night, it wasn't anything serious, we are totally fine, we promise."
A little bit of awkwardness passed through the room but Trevor was happy Olivia said something – the elephant in the room had been hard to avoid.
"Oh," Erika placed her hand on her chest, "thank God, I was so worried you were both gonna break up, you were both so mad at each other."
Trevor smiled at his sister, "Well… I don't know what to say about that, we both had our reasons I guess but its fine and disagreeing or being angry with each other isn't really cause for the end of a relationship."
Olivia pulled the milk from the refrigerator and began to make Eloise a hot cocoa as she did most weekends. The little girl loved to sit with Olivia and have her big girl drink from a smaller version of a mug.
"Baby, do you want Mommy to make you a special big girl drink so you can sit at the table with us like a big girl?"
Eloise nodded. "Okay, do you want some breakfast or just your warm drink for now?"
"I want my drink please, Mommy." Every time the little girl called her Mommy, her heart sang. It seemed silly but that title seemed to make her feelings for the child strengthen as if she hadn't already been attached since the first time they'd spent time together.
"Here," Trevor held his arms out, "your hands are full and you haven't even sipped your coffee yet."
"I sure hope you remembered my order," Olivia joked, glancing at Carisi. She handed Eloise over who went with a little protest but Trevor firmly told her to cut it out.
Carisi cocked his head with mock-irate. "How you gonna do me like that?" he laughed, "of course I know your coffee order, boss."
"I'm at home, just Liv is fine," she replied with an amused smile. She plucked the cup out of the tray and took a sip. "Oh thank god…" she sighed happily. "Too bad about not being able to have caffeine but for weeks even the smell of it made me puke…" she made a face.
She set it back down and moved around getting Eloise's milk and Trevor put some plates out for their breakfast.
/
"I'll get Noah up," Trevor suggested after he had a little to eat and finished most of his coffee. "Its 9, I don't want him ruining a routine," he told them. "I'll be back in just a second," he told them. He planted a kiss on the top of Olivia's head as he passed her and already she felt like things were almost entirely back to normal.
It was a huge relief.
Eloise was fully awake and sitting in Erika's lap, slurping her drink and looking so cute. "So what time did you guys leave last night?" Olivia asked.
"Not that long after you guys to be honest," Carisi replied, "the food was okay but we were still hungry so I took Ez to my Mom and Dad's house for cannoli."
Olivia began to laugh and glanced at Erika who turned red. "Mom and Dad already, that's … nice. Good cannoli?" she asked, ignoring the fact that they both seemed already so serious about one another.
Carisi couldn't take eyes off of her, he watched her closely as she tended to her neice and Olivia knew immediately that he was thinking about sharing a future with her. She knew it was what Trevor worried most about the relationship.
She knew personally that Sonny did want kids – he wanted a big family if he had his way, but she knew that he would accept whatever he needed to and be a man about it as long as the relationship was right. It wasn't in Carisi's heart to give up on someone if he loved them.
"The best as always. His Mom sent us away with a huge pot of bolognaise," Erika told Olivia, happier than she'd seen her.
"I'll bring some to you for lunch tomorrow," Carisi offered.
"Not necessary, but thank you, I wouldn't want you to take food from Erika's mouth," Olivia joked.
"Auntie Ez?" Elly looked up at her aunt.
"Yes?"
"Can I show you my new teddy?" she asked her, "Mommy and I made it." Erika looked at Olivia – she loved that Eloise had taken so quickly to her brother's girlfriend. She was surprised it'd happened so fast, but she understood how quickly children could attach themselves. It was still a little jarring to hear, but she thought it was positive.
"I took her to build-a-bear for a special girls day." Olivia explained, "it has a heart beat, doesn't it, honey?" she asked Eloise.
Eloise nodded.
"Okay gorgeous, let's go and see your bear, what about Sonny, are you going to show him too?"
The little girl glanced at him shyly and waved Erika closer so she could tell her a secret. Olivia smiled. Eloise covered her mouth and whispered so loudly that both Carisi and she could hear.
"Will Sonny look at my toys with me?" she asked.
Erika glanced at Sonny and they shared a smile. "I am sure if you ask him, Elly, he'd love to say yes."
She smiled and turned her face away shyly. Erika prompted her, "Go on, ask him… you can do it, you're a big girl."
"Hey," Carisi began, moving a little closer to Eloise, "I was wondering… do you think that we could look at allll of your toys?" he asked her sweetly, realizing that she was far too shy to ask him herself.
Eloise pulled her head from where she had tucked it at the crook of Erika's neck. She nodded slowly as if she was considering it.
"Off you go, Sonny is being so patient, waiting for you to finish your hot cocoa," Olivia urged her.
"I've finished!" she exclaimed.
"Okay well off you go, show Sonny your things… don't forget to show him your teddy; remember it smells like flowers too if you smell it."
"I love flowers!" Carisi exclaimed. Olivia grinned at them as both Erika and Sonny followed her slowly up the stairs to her room. Olivia knew that Noah would want to grab Sonny's attention too.
/
"So, do you want to just stick around here or would you like to go for a drive or something?" Trevor asked Olivia after Sonny and Erika left with the kids.
"Well, I don't know, what if they want to come back and we're not here?"
"Erika has a key, it'll be fine… we could go for a drive to the beach and talk? The weather is warming up a little and this time you are definitely not putting your feet in the water."
Olivia laughed, "I guess in hindsight that was kind of stupid. Okay, let's do it… let's go for a drive to the beach."
Trevor was glad that she agreed; the drive was long enough for them to be able to talk and it made it harder for Olivia to walk away if the conversation became too much for her – short of rolling out of a moving car. "It'll be good to talk," he said gently, "and to spend some time one-on-one and figure some shit out…"
"That sounds … like I should be scared."
He shook his head and smiled at her reassuringly. "Don't be scared of anything, Liv, not with me. I already told you, I'm not leaving, I just think maybe there's a couple of things that have gone unspoken – probably mostly from me. I spend so much of my life trying to protect everyone that I love that maybe it comes across as being a controlling jerk, so…. I need to address that, but its too heavy of a conversation to have right here, right now so let's just hang out…"
"Okay…" she replied. He started to head up the stairs. He heard her voice call his name as he began to ascend them. "Trev?"
He turned back, watching her at the dining table with expectancy. "Yeah?"
"Thanks for always making me feel safe with you… I'm sorry if I didn't do that for you last night."
They stared at each other for a second. Her words hit him and briefly made him feel a flicker of emotion. He needed to hear her acknowledge recognition that he too, may have been feeling insecure and not entirely sure of where he stood despite knowing it was a silly feeling. "Thank you for saying that," he said, he nodded and continued the rest of the way upstairs to get dressed and ready for their drive.
/
"Did you end up texting Ez?" Trevor asked as they veered on to the highway.
"Yeah, she said it was fine, they were happy to take the kids to lunch and bring them back to your place afterwards."
"Our place," he corrected her, feeling a stab of hurt.
"Sorry…"
Trevor reached over and took Olivia's hand and gave it a squeeze. She squeezed his hand back. She felt his thumb grazing the skin between her thumb and forefinger. It was comforting and just a slight show of affection that she'd been craving since waking up.
"Don't be sorry, I'm sorry that you feel that way still…we should maybe look at some real estate websites later… I don't want you to not feel like you're living in your own place."
Olivia nodded, "its just a force of habit," she murmured, "it's fine."
The drive remained a little quiet. There was still some light tension but they made small talk about music and listened to some of their favorite songs which was similar but also vastly different. Olivia manned the playlist and Trevor drove with good-nature bopping along to the songs she liked that he didn't know.
They arrived to the same beach they had visited before she was pregnant and found a little spot that was a little more secluded than they had been the last time. There was a better wind break and despite the bright sunshine, there was still a chill to the air.
"Want to sit here?" he wondered, nodding down to the sand.
"Yeah, looks nice and we're still in the sun," she replied. They put down the picnic blanket. Trevor put a backpack down. Olivia had been better prepared this time; she'd brought snacks and a flask of tea.
"Sit first or…?" he prompted her.
Olivia nodded, "Yeah, let's sit." He pulled the blanket out of the backpack and waited for her to get comfortable and spread it over her. "Warm?" he asked, a little bit of nervous tension between them knowing that they were both about to have a discussion that could go one of two ways.
"I'm warm, I have this huge coat on…" she smiled at him. He sank down on to the picnic blanket that covered the sand right beside her. They both sat in a more serene silence watching the water crashing to the sand.
He scooted closer to her and slipped an arm around her shoulders and guided her toward him. Olivia rested her head on his arm and let out a sigh. "What are you thinking?" she dared to ask him.
"Just…" he gave an uncomfortable, short chuckle, "how to approach the conversation about our fight last night…" he replied, "I am really anxious about turning it in to round two if we miss the mark in understanding one another."
"Yeah… me too," she murmured, "but, this probably won't be the first argument we have so if we can't get through this, what hope is there for the bigger ones? I think its unhealthy to not talk about it."
"Well…" Trevor began to speak, "I guess I'll just start and tell you what I was feeling last night. I'm going to be completely vulnerable, so all I ask is that you please just try to understand that what I'm going to say is hard to admit to you, because I never ever want to let you down or be seen as anything else but your rock."
"Okay," she said carefully, worried about what would come out of his mouth.
"The truth is, Olivia, I'm not an overly confident man within myself. I've always managed to fake it til I've made it. Career-wise, I am unstoppable and I know I have whatever I need to allow me to be exceptional at my job – but you make me the man that I am… the way that you look at me, the way you treat me like I'm the center of your world… it builds me up."
"I don't understand…" she murmured, pushing her own sunglasses upon her head. "What does someone like you have to be insecure about?" she asked, genuinely surprised.
Trevor laughed sardonically. "Over ten years of having my self-esteem eroded, being cheated on, used for money, kept around because I was too stupid to move on, too guilty," he admitted, his quieting a little. "you and me are not that dissimilar, Olivia," he told her, taking her hand, caressing her fingers absently while he thought. She was careful not to interrupt him while he was trying to verbalize his feelings.
"I grew up around a man who was violent and a woman who loved me and Ez in her own fucked up way, but spent all the time and love she could on a man who didn't deserve it. We got nothing from her and although she's my mother and I love her and she's been great with Eloise, I don't have that sound support either. I went in to that marriage with Helena just craving love and because I'd never had unconditional love, my idea of what it was…" he shook his head, trying so hard not to become emotional, "it just… was a very skewed understanding and I didn't give up because not giving up on someone regardless of what awful things they do is engrained in to my DNA…"
"I get it…" she said softly, squeezing his hand and kissing the back of it.
"When Len left me I felt like my sky was falling because even I couldn't keep someone who didn't even treat me well. Like, if I wasn't enough for her who I let treat me like shit, then how could I ever have expected anyone else to think I was good enough?"
Olivia let go of his hand, sensing that the man she loved needed some comfort. She placed a hand on his shoulder and took his other hand and he realized she was trying to sit in his lap, to be closer, to be able to embrace him; to see his face.
He was thankful for her. She settled in, straddling him, sitting in the space between his legs, peaking her knees over his thighs. He pulled her close to him. She reached up and took his face in her hands and pushed his sunglasses atop of his head so that she could see his beautiful and intense eyes.
"You are good enough," she said simply. "You are worthy and loveable and the best man that I have ever met. We might have made some pretty low blows last night but we can all turn in to jerks when we're mad…"
"But I shouldn't have. I should have walked away."
"You did walk away, but I followed you outside the bar. Passivity isn't healthy either," she told him. "I should have been blunt with Edgar," she said, "but I didn't know that you sometimes feel unsure or that you need assurance, my heart, you need to tell me. He is always like that with me and I didn't mean to keep it from you that I went on two dates with him, it just never came up."
"Its okay," Trevor murmured, following the way her eyes scanned his face.
"No, it's not okay. I've had the night to reflect on my behavior and it was a little shitty. Granted, I didn't mean to make you feel jealous and I would never ever want to hurt you but…" she smiled at him, "we'd just been in that little office and I had some of the best sex of my life and I hope it was as amazing for you too,"
He chuckled, "it was," he replied, his cheeks flushing.
"So I wasn't thinking either of us could be feeling insecure about anything, I was like…" she paused, "Thinking to myself, 'this is the only man that's ever made me see shooting stars when I come,'" her own cheeks grew pink.
He laughed, averting his eyes from hers with bashfulness. "But I think how great our sex is is because of how deeply we love one another," he said softly, "I mean, I don't mean to assume but I've never loved someone so much, its hard to breathe around you sometimes when that feeling hits me – when you say or do something in particular…" he smiled at her, "sometimes when you smile, it just engulfs me and everything else fades, I've never experienced that, but I have had a life of people not feeling the same so…."
"Honey," she took his hands and grinned at him, overwhelmed by his words, "it's not one way and like you said to me this morning, I'm not going anywhere. If you decided, Fuck it, Olivia, we're done… I'm going to stalk you so hard," she winked.
He managed a laugh. She hated to see him so torn up. She could tell that he was hurting and it became a lot easier to see things from his perspective. "There's a reason why Edgar and I didn't meet for a third date – he can be charming, Trevor, but what he did to you, playing you off of me, that's his MO – he's a sleaze and he tried all the American teen-movie clichés to get me in to bed."
"Really?" Trevor asked, "like what?"
Olivia laughed, remembering the exasperation she felt when he tried so hard to secure an invite in to her apartment where Noah was sleeping. "I like you so much, I think I'm falling for you, it'll bring us closer together," she told him in a dramatic voice with laughter, she thought for another second, "oh yeah, this one was my favorite," a little more laughter making its way in to the air as she remembered, "I've been told I'm a wonderful lover…"
"Oh no," Trevor covered his own face, "are you serious?"
Olivia nodded, he couldn't help but to laugh, happy for the relief from the seriousness of their conversation. "That is so embarrassing, how did you respond to that? I bet his ego was bruised when you turned him down."
"I didn't turn him down?" she glanced at him, her face serious – quizzical even – as though she couldn't understand why he would have assumed she did.
"Oh so you slept wit-"
She couldn't hold it, she just laughed, "Of course I didn't sleep with him, how could I? I was trying not to laugh in his face, Trevor, you're right, it was embarrassing. But, clearly it's worked for him in the past…"
He laughed, "Don't scare me like that…" he told her giving her a closed-lips smile, pulling her closer to him. "I would hate it if I'd known you had been with him." He paused to kiss her lips. "Maybe I am a little jealous."
Olivia kissed him softly, letting it linger for a moment. As soon as she pulled away she kissed him again and again and again, overcome with feeling for him. She circled her arms around his neck and felt his hands at her backside pulling her against his hips. "I love you," she said as she pulled away. "I don't want you to ever feel insecure with me and if there is a next time when you do, I want you just to tell me, pull me aside and say, 'hey Liv, I'm feeling insecure…' and I will make you feel so fucking secure that you'll never question it again."
A grin spread across his lips. "I fucking love you."
They shared some eye contact for a moment before Trevor kissed her again and sighed contentedly. "Shit, I feel so much better for telling you that…"
She smiled at him adoringly. "You should always share your feelings like that with me, here I am just telling you all of my woes and you never told me how you truly felt growing up; you're just so … black and white sometimes."
"I know but its because I don't want to be a wimp, I don't want to have you think less of me."
"Have you ever thought less of me for sharing the details of my childhood or my experiences – even I still shudder at the thought that I actually told you a little about him…"
"No, never… I would never think less of you baby, I just think if anything you're the bravest person I know to get through all of those things and still be this incredible, compassionate woman with no end to how much of her heart she spreads around."
Olivia's cheeks hurt from her smiling. What a difference in feelings a day had made, she thought. "Thank you…"
"And I guess as stupid and as sexist as it seems, I'm scared to be that forthright, it isn't masculine—I could only imagine what my father would think."
"Who cares, you're not in this relationship with your father, you are in it with me," she pointed out.
He ran his fingers through her hair and nodded slowly. "That is very true… I guess you really pushed a button when you inferred that my reactions and behaviors are the reasons why Erika keeps stuff from me."
"I'm sorry about that, I was trying to hurt you because I was so pissed with you," she admitted, "I didn't mean it."
"I think there may have been an element of truth to it," he replied, "and its okay, but maybe I need to reevaluate the way I treat my sister. I guess it's just jarring to hear something that is truthful."
Olivia shook her head. "Baby, I love how much you love and look out for your sister, my life would have been so different if I'd had at least one person who did that for me."
"But you were right about standards – I can be rigid in my beliefs or maybe very absolute about stuff – you know, dinner every night at the dining table, making sure everything is so pristine… I just need to relax about things and I get so upset if I can see someone that I love or care about heading toward something that I just know is going to end badly."
"But you don't know everything," she told him gently, "and even if it does go to shit, you can't expect that everyone is going to always think and feel like you and you can't get mad at them for that."
"I know…"
"Imagine if our baby grows up and want's to become a casual artist?" she asked him with a laugh. He glanced at her, his face clouding over with seriousness.
She laughed more, "See, I can see already the idea of that is too much for you to handle."
"Not when I've spent thousands on education – I'm expecting Eloise to have a reputable career."
"Honey, a reputable career is being a waitress if that's what she chooses. As long as she goes to work and pays her bills and is happy for it, then so what?"
He sighed. "If my kids want to do something, Liv, I'll support them but I want them try their best at whatever they choose. Not for me or for you but for them."
"Carisi and Erika seem pretty serious already," she remarked, wondering how he felt about it.
"Last night I reminded myself about how I already knew I was in love with you after I went to your conference… that was what? 2 days in?"
"Really?" she grinned, "that soon?"
He nodded, "Yeah, I knew… I am crazy about you."
"I knew I loved you when I called you to pick up Noah from his friend's house and I got home and you'd been so thoughtful and helped him with his project, made a week's worth of food and tidied up my apartment. Any other woman would have been furious with you cleaning up thinking it was a subtle dig – but I knew you were just trying to make my life a little bit easier."
He smiled at her. "I'm glad you didn't get offended."
"So you're cool about Carisi?"
He shrugged, "I'm trying to do what you told me to do – let her do what makes her happy and hope to goodness Carisi isn't just messing around with her."
"I don't think so and Carisi has a really soft, warm heart, I promise. He is as loyal as they come and he will protect her at all costs. I think if he is in love with her and she tells him that she can't have children, he will make his peace with that but I don't think that would make him leave her."
"You don't know that…" Trevor replied, "not having children can be a deal breaker for some, especially if they're used to coming from big families – you can see a mile away that he is really in to the idea of a family."
"That's all true, but you don't know either and that's why it's not our place to interfere. She's your sister and you're going to worry, that's a given, but you have to just let go and be more open to her discussing things – you have a tendency to get upset very quickly about things when sometimes all she needs is for you to listen without threatening her ex or trying to solve the problem," she said softly, running her forefingers over the back of the roughing of his five o'clock shadow.
"I know," he agreed. "I'll get better at that…"
"Did you ever consider—" she paused, "don't hate me for this, but… therapy?"
He laughed, "really? You think it's that bad?"
"I just think maybe a professional could help you with some of the things from your background – its not for everyone, but … I gave it a go and it helped me with him and also with some issues with my mother. I want you to always talk to me but I don't always know if I'm saying the right thing and I don't know that you always want to tell me that stuff that's deep down and buried away."
He stared at her, considering it.
Finally, he shrugged. "What if I try harder at talking to you and sharing my feelings instead of getting so frustrated."
Olivia smiled at him, "just think about it but either way I will always support your decision and I will always be here to listen and I will be extra considerate. If you do see men flirting with me or being a little … too much, please please step in. I'm a strong woman, Trev, I've dealt with a lot of men of Edgar's type – patronizing, treats professional women as a cute novelty – but it's hard to deal with and because of my position, I don't like to create a scene, but if you want to step in, please…."
"Yeah?" he was a little surprised. "I didn't want you to get mad at me or make you feel like I was being controlling."
"As long you're not stomping in because you're jealous but rather that you can see I'm uncomfortable, I would appreciate it. Navigating those situations sometimes can be exhausting and there's only so much smiling and nodding you can do – you have to pick your battles when you're in an authorative position, especially if it's coming from above," she explained.
"Consider it done," he replied.
"Are we good?" she asked with a little smile.
He nodded and smiled back. "Yes, we just got past our biggest fight to date, I think we're in a good place," he resolved.
Olivia slid her arms around his neck, clasping her hands together, feeling his hands steadied upon the sides of her chest. "So we're all made up…" she grinned at him, kissing his lips.
"Uhuh…" he replied, kissing her back. He tucked her hair behind her ear. Finally the late morning sun had some heat to it and she could feel it warming her back. There was barely a breeze which made the morning far more enjoyable.
"Do you want something?" she asked him, nodding to the bag of snacks and tea she had packed for their little impromptu date.
"Uhuh," he repeated with a little grin. His eyes were all over her. She laughed at him and made the move to get back on to the blanket beside him. "Awwww, I liked that closeness…" he complained.
Olivia chuckled. "You can still get close to me, I want to get rid of this stupid puffy jacket and lay next to you and listen to the sea, it's so relaxing."
"I can deal with that…" he replied, watching her remove her black, puffy jacket that she wore to keep warm. He did the same, making sure their jackets didn't end up in the sand.
He pulled the blanket over them and laid down beside her. "Come here and get close to me…" he commanded her softly. She scooted over and rested her head on the crook of his arm. He was broody and soft, his eyes searched hers and she noticed just how much lighter he looked.
The tension was gone from his face and he seemed much more content.
"My Olivia…" he murmured quietly, running his fingers through her hair. She loved it when he called her that. She sighed with contentment.
"My love…" she replied. She slid her hand over his waist, resting it on his back, allowing his own arms to engulf her.
He kissed her softly once and then twice and then a third time. She felt the tip of his tongue prompting her mouth open. She followed his lead and opened her mouth, allowing his tongue to meet with hers, massaging against hers and kissing her slowly and lingeringly, taking his time and running his finger tips along her scalp.
She shivered within his embrace, loving the feel of his touch and the romantic way that he always kissed her.
His hands fell to her shoulders, trying to steel himself long enough to remember that they were in a public place.
He continued to kiss her deeply. He pulled the blanket up over them and felt Olivia's leg straddling his thigh. He ran his hand up her thigh, squeezing it as he drew her closer, resting his hand on her backside. He heard her moan softly in to his mouth, turning him on, making his pants feel a little restrictive.
Her hands disappeared beneath his tshirt, pulling up the white tank that was tucked in to his jeans until she connected with the skin of his tight, muscular back. He no longer cared about anyone watching them make out. He loved her unconditionally and that love that he felt for her was unlike any other; it made him want to do things that he would normally find reckless.
He followed her actions, pulling her shirt out from beneath her own jeans until he found her skin. His hands snaked up the side of her rib cage. He could feel the goosebumps surfacing her skin. "Are you cold, love?" he asked softly, breaking the kiss.
She shook her head, "No…" she replied, "how nice is this?" he wondered, "making out with the hottest girl I've ever met in my entire life…"
She smiled and kissed him again. He kissed her back and let his hand find its way to her breast. Instantly her back arched. He grazed his thumb over the peak of her nipple protruding from the fabric of her bra. "We shouldn't…" she remarked, breaking his kiss.
"No?" he asked, still thumbing at her quickly hardening peaks. "I can stop-"
Despite his words, she felt him pulling the fabric lower so the pad of his thumb could meet with her skin. His pale green eyes searched hers. "Do you want me to stop?"
She shook her head. "No, don't stop… fuck it, I don't care… I love you."
He chuckled, "I love you…" He let his hands search her body, knowing she was past the point of wanting him to stop or slow things down. There was no mistaking how quickly she had committed to what was about to happen.
He felt her hand over the top of his jeans rubbing his groin, feeling his erection grow. "Is anyone around?" she asked him.
He lifted his head and looked around to see if there was anyone about. In the distance he could see someone fishing but they were so far away that he could barely make out the figure.
"No," he promised before he recaptured the kiss, feeling her hand resume its position working the front of his pants. He felt her unzipping his fly and reaching inside of his jocks to free his erection.
"Fuck…" he murmured, "is this make up sex? Cos its hot…."
"We should fight more," she told him, loving the feel of his hands all over her, throwing caution to the wind.
Trevor moaned quietly feeling her grip around his shaft as she moved her hand back and forth, exploring every inch of him, running her thumb over the most sensitive part of his head making his hips involuntarily thrust toward her. "Liv!" he exclaimed with a laugh, "fuck, that's too much, its too good…"
"I'm the Captain," she told him, "you don't tell me what's too much,"
He chuckled, pushing her hand away from her, rolling her on to her back and kneeling over her, pushing her hands on either side of her head. A peel of laugher erupted from her mouth, loving the playful grin find its way across her lips.
"No, you're wrong," he replied, lowering his groin against hers, grinding against hers. "I've told you, I'm the Captain when we're making love or … whatever, I'm the boss, you got it?" he asked cockily, letting go of her wrists.
She chuckled, "yes sir!" she gave him a salute.
"Good, glad we got that straightened out," he replied. He moved off of her. She began to kiss him again urgently and passionately showing him how much she wanted and needed him.
She wrapped her arms back around him beneath his shirt, loving the feel of his skin beneath her hands. Trevor returned the touch, finding his way to her breasts again, squeezing her flesh, grabbing on to the softness and silkiness.
With one hand, he worked at undoing her jeans and pushing them down just slightly so that they became loose around her hips. She broke the kiss and made sure they were both concealed. He felt her squeezing his backside before finding her way back to his erection.
"Can I touch you? Is that what you want?" he asked, loving it when she gave him an enthusiastic yes.
She nodded, "Yeah… I want you," she murmured, kissing him all over his face, "I need you," her eyes flicked up at his briefly; almost shy. "I want you to feel how hot and wet I am for you…"
"Well fuck," he laughed, "I am definitely glad we want the same things…"
He grabbed a handful of flesh at her ass and caressed her thighs before he slipped his hand beneath her underwear and between her legs. He could feel her heat immediately. She rocked back and forth trying to get him to caress her.
"Patience, baby," he whispered against her ear.
He slipped inside of her; feeling that she was every bit as ready for him as she had suggested. "Oooft," his words reverberated against her ear, causing her to shiver, "you weren't kidding… I am so fucking hard, Liv," he took the shell of her ear in to his mouth, gently rolling his tongue on the inside, making her eyes roll back and her neck drop in pure delight.
Her breathing became labored, he moved back and forth inside of her, allowing her body to slowly build up to the kind of pleasure that sent her crazy. "I would love to put my mouth where my hand is right now," he told her, "maybe later… this will have to do but… imagine what my mouth could be doing…"
"I fucking love when your mouth is on me."
He chuckled, loving the way she built him up. He let his thumb brush across her clitoris, working the bundle of nerves the way that she liked. He felt her hips moving to meet his fingers, trying to take him deeper each time he plunged them inside of her.
"Can you do it…" she asked him.
"Do what?" he asked.
"Me," she clarified, "can you do me… I need you inside of me, it's driving me crazy. I need you."
He eased himself up and looked around, happy that he still couldn't see anyone around. He covered her with his body and allowed her to make a space between her legs for him. He covered them over and began to kiss her. He guided his erect penis inside of her and moved in and out slowly but deeply, trying to be discreet.
"Go as deep as you can…" she guided him.
"Okay," he replied, concentrating, for the moment. He found their rhythm and moved a little faster. He watched her; her eyes tightly clamped shut. He could see by her expression that she was enjoying it.
"Fuck," she cursed, "I'm about to come already, I'm sorry."
"Go for it," he told her, he was close too – something sexier than usual about sex in a public place. He felt her contracting, her body tensing and a pool of warmth between them. He continued to move in and out of her. Her fingers dug in to his backside, sending him just over the edge until he came, filling her up.
Trevor did his best not to collapse on top of her. He rested his head on her chest for a moment, catching his breath.
"That was amazing…" she murmured. "Good for you?"
He chuckled and rolled over beside her. "Yes…. Good for me, a little messy…"
Olivia laughed. "I have napkins in the bag."
He laughed. "I don't think it's that bad. My aim is okay."
He turned to her and grinned at her. "I love you Liv, honestly, there is no one else in the world I would ever have considered having sex somewhere in public with."
She grinned back at him, "I love you too, how crazy and reckless and… sexy, if I do say so…"
He laughed. She felt him reaching for her waist and she wondered what he was doing. She glanced at him quizzically.
He smiled, pulling her underwear up and making sure her jeans were up where they should have been. She loved him that little bit more for wanting to secure her back in her clothes. "Thanks…" she replied, doing her fly up. He did the same for himself.
They both sat up. Olivia smoothed down her hair and let him cuddle her closely.
"Make up sex is good sex," she remarked thoughtfully before they both laughed.
"All of our sex is good sex," he replied. "At least I think so… I've never finished having sex with you thinking, oh… it was okay."
Olivia slapped him good naturedly. "Better not…"
He chuckled and gave her a little squeeze. He rested his hands upon her small belly. "I am so excited for this baby," he told her honestly. "I can't wait to hold it in my arms. I realized just how much I missed out on with Elly when I held Amanda's baby last night."
Olivia was happy to hear his words. "I'm excited too. In a few more weeks we can find out if it's a girl or boy…"
"Are we gonna do that?" he asked, "you don't want it to be a surprise?"
She twisted her body and looked up at him. "It's going to be a surprise either way – don't you think? I mean, if you feel strongly about waiting that's fine – I was just thinking more for the kids to give them something more tangible….so they have time to get used to the idea of a boy or a girl."
"No, that's a good point," he replied kissing her forehead. "If we wait til the baby is boring we might end up with an unprepared kid. Or worse; two."
Olivia laughed.
"Do you feel like anything?" he asked, "some food?"
"Some lunch might be nice," she suggested with a shrug.
"Are you suggesting that I should take you out somewhere nice for a late lunch?" he asked with a good natured smile.
Olivia shrugged again, "Only if you want…"
"I would never not make sure that pregnant Olivia is not regularly fed and watered."
"This is the best part of being pregnant…" she admitted.
He chuckled, "What do you feel like eating?"
"Mmm, I am getting a strong sense that our baby has developed quite the taste for beef burritos."
"Wow!" Trevor exclaimed, "what a sophisticated palette for a 15week old in-utero baby!" he played along.
"Weird right?" she agreed, grinning at him. "I guess this little peanut knows what it wants…"
"Better not keep bubba waiting," he replied with a chuckle. "Walk before we go, or do you just want to go eat?"
"Not me, the baby wants me to eat. I think I could stand to skip a meal frankly, but the baby is really insistent."
He laughed and kissed her temple. "I love your pregnant body and I'm going to fall more and more in love as the baby grows."
"We'll see," she chuckled. He got up and reached for Liv's outstretched hand.
"Come on, let's get this baby the burrito it so richly deserves…" he smiled at her.