Sorry this update took so long you guys, I have been busy and have worked on my other story too but mostly I've been just going through the motions... but here's an update; its not as long as the tohers and I warn you, it is fully unedited bc I know Ill fall asleep if I sit here trying to edit. So please enjoy, drop me a comment to tell me what you think.

xoxox

Olivia opened her eyes late in the early afternoon and remembered immediately where she was. She looked around and found Trevor sitting in the same chair he was when she went back to sleep the night before holding her baby.

He was nursing Teddy, feeding him with a bottle with a look of wonderment on his face – the kind of adoration that she had never seen cross his face in the whole time she had known him.

She didn't interrupt, she wanted to give him time with his son and all of the other experiences that neither of them had had as parents to date. She tried to close her eyes again, thinking about how she'd held her son in the early hours of the morning.

For the first time since she'd woken, she felt a pain, wincing when she tried to move, remembering she'd been cut open. Trevor glanced up at her, cradling his son in the bend of his arm. "Hey…" he smiled. When he made eye contact she could tell he was exhausted and had slept far less than her.

"Hey, how is he?" she asked, her throat a little croaky.

"He's wonderful," Trevor replied in the passionate way that he spoke when he was enamored. "He just took some milk and he's really so sweet and quiet..." he murmured, drawing their son close as he set the milk down. She became aware that Trevor was shirtless.

"Wait, why do you have no shirt on?" she asked with a half-laugh.

He chuckled, "the nurse suggested we do some skin-to-skin time too… is that okay?" he asked as if he thought she might be upset with him.

Olivia rose an eyebrow, "what do you mean is that okay?" she asked, confused.

"I mean, am I overstepping?" he asked, looking a little worried.

"Of course, baby," she said with a half of a laugh but she realized he was serious. "You don't need to think that you're ever overstepping, you're his father… he's as much of your baby as he is mine."

She watched him relax and glance back down at Teddy. He planted a kiss on his son's forehead before daring to look back up at her. "I'm just… nervous about doing something wrong…" he admitted.

"Come over here…" she commanded, doing her best to gingerly move over. He went to hand Teddy over but Olivia halted him – as much as she wanted to hold her son, she believed that Trevor needed to know he could do what he wanted whenever he wanted in germs of taking care of Teddy.

He sat on the side of her bed, edging on to it beside her. She leaned her head on his upper arm and reached down to touch her son's cheeks. She glanced up at Trevor and grinned at him. "Forget whatever you learned about keeping your distance with Helena. I'm not Helena and I want you to take initiative and do all the things you originally believed a father should do before Helena banished you from your parenting role."

He nodded slowly. "Thanks Liv…" he said softly. He kissed her temple.

"The nurse wanted me to buzz her when you woke up because they want to get you moving to the bathroom…"

"Ugh, it's going to hurt," she muttered. "Can't they bring me a chamber pot?" she joked.

"Maybe if this was 1812," he laughed and pressed the buzzer.

/

Olivia got in to bed wincing and huffing in pain with some assistance from Trevor.

"How are the kids going?" Olivia asked once she was settled back in to bed.

"They're coming in to meet their new brother soon," he told her, "they've both had a rough 24 hours without us, but Mom and Erika and Carisi are still at home. They're just going to come in for a quick visit and then leave."

"I'm so excited for everyone to meet him." Olivia remarked.

"Oh Mom and Erika were here after we got out of surgery last night," he told her. "They left shortly after they brought you back from the recovery ward…"

"I didn't know," she replied, a slight pang of jealousy hitting her that they got to meet her son before she did. "Did they meet him?"

He nodded, "Very briefly, but I didn't want anyone to hold him besides me until you'd had the chance to."

Suddenly a rush of emotion swept over her and she felt incredibly grateful for his consideration. "Thank you…" she murmured. "I feel bad about that, I know how excited they must have been but—thank you."

"Its alright, they totally understood," he replied, glancing over at Teddy sleeping in his little crib.

"I miss the kids, Eloise was a mess when I left yesterday morning," she told him, "I wasn't able to console her but Carisi promised he could handle it…"

Trevor sat on the edge of her bed and grabbed for her hand gently. She still had an IV line that had been capped off and left just in case it was necessary. He stroked the skin between her thumb and forefinger absently as he let his eyes sweep over her bare face. She looked exhausted still a little swelling in her face and under her eyes. "They'll be okay. I did a Facetime with them both after you went back to sleep this morning and they seemed okay, Noah was a little weepy and Mom said he cried before bed last night and woke a couple of times in the night."

"Poor babe. I can't wait to give them both a big hug…"

"They were both really excited at the thought of holding Teddy and giving him lots of kisses and cuddles."

Olivia smiled.

"I want to hold him but I think we should just enjoy him sleeping for awhile… and I'm excited to attempt to feed him," she told him, "I hope I don't fuck that up."

"You'll be amazing," Trevor replied with a smile. "I can't wait for you to have that bonding experience too."

"You just want to see my boobs," she winked as a joke.

He chuckled. "Well, I'll be fighting for my boob rights, trust me," he kidded with her. He leaned over and kissed her forehead. "I love you, I know I keep saying it but I think my hormones are out of control right now too; so much dopamine," he added.

Olivia gave a contented sigh and realized something. "Hey," she sat forward, ignoring the ripping pain across her lower stomach, "where's my ring?" she looked alarmed.

"Its okay, I've got it," he said, placing a hand on her shoulder, "don't panic." He went to the overnight bag that was sitting inside a cupboard and unzipped the side pocket. He pulled out a little ziplock bag that held her jewelery. The diamond bracelet he had bought her when they started seeing one another; a chain that was branded with the words; fearless, her engagement ring that she never ever took off despite thinking at first it was too much for work, and lastly the cartier ring that she wore on her opposite finger.

He took the rings out first and waited for them to slide on her finger – but she pouted, looking at him when she realized her fingers were too swollen. "I wanna put my ring on," she said sadly. "I don't want anyone to think we're not committed—"

"Baby, its okay, who cares what people think? We're fine."

She nodded but she despondently handed him the rings back.

"I know," he said softly, sensing her instant mood change, "why don't we put your engagement ring on your necklace and you can wear it still…"

She nodded again, he glanced up at her as he took the chain out. Her eyes were glassed over with tears. "Honey?" he prompted her, "are you okay? Its okay, we know what we mean to one another, the ring is just the material part of it…"

"I know," she half-laughed, half-sobbed, "I just want to wear it."

He threaded her ring on the necklace and zip locked the rest of the things. He nodded at her to lift her head forward as he managed to unclip the fastener. He carefully lifted her hair from beneath the chain after it was secured in place.

He let his fingers trace the chain all the way around her neck until he secured it in place above her breastbone. "See?" he smiled, wiping a tear from her cheek with his thumb, "you're wearing it now…"

She managed a smile and nodded, sniffing. He leaned over and lifted her chin slightly to meet his lips for a kiss. "I love you."

"I love you too," she replied. "Sorry, I know its hormones."

"Don't be sorry, it's absolutely fine," he said, stroking her hair affectionately.

Some commotion at the door made him whirl around to find the two kids trying so hard to be quiet, bustling in the room speaking excitedly in very loud whispers.

"If whispering could be yelling…" Trevor started to laugh, his face lighting up to see the kids face-to-face for the first time for almost a week. He glanced at Olivia who suddenly began to cry.

He couldn't help but to laugh knowing that she was overcome with emotion seeing them. "Heyyyyy guys!" he greeted the two excitedly as Erika came in behind them. She gave a small wave.

Trevor gave them all a hug and lifted both Noah and Eloise up in either arm. "Mom's so happy to see you both that she's crying happy tears," he informed them, not wanting them to worry.

Olivia held her arms out, wanting to hug them both.

"Okay, I'm gonna put you both on the bed but be very very careful," he warned them, "Mommy's tummy is very, very sore so do not climb on her."

He set Eloise down first and then Noah on the other side of her, fitting them all in. She drew them both against her and kissed them both. "I missed you both so much," she murmured through her tears. "give Mommy big snuggles…" she commanded.

"How's baby?" Erika asked softly.

"He's wonderful," Olivia replied with a smile. "Why don't you hold him?"

"Mommy, is our brother here?" Noah asked, sitting up.

"Yes, he's right over there," Olivia pointed tearfully to the crib.

"Why don't you let the kids meet their brother before I hold him because…. I might want to bolt out the door with him," Erika joked.

They laughed. Trevor lifted the baby carefully up out of his crib. "Okay guys, it's time to be really gentle and quiet, he's sleeping and we don't want to wake him up or give him a fright." Both kids were quietly curious and excited. "We'll let Mommy hold him so you can both see him." Olivia held out her arms for their newborn.

Trevor laid him in her arms carefully with the kids and Erika watching on.

The children ooh-ed and ahhh-ed quietly over their baby brother swaddled firmly in a soft, striped blanket. "Mommy, he looks like a burrito," Noah remarked.

Olivia managed to laugh. "He does look like a Burrito my love," she told him. Eloise looked at her father and then at Olivia and back down to her brother.

"What does he do?" she asked.

"What do you mean, sweetie?" Olivia asked, amused.

"What does he do?" she asked again, "when does he play with me? You said I could play with him, but he looks like my ugly doll."

Erika put her hand over her mouth and took a few steps away to try not to laugh out loud at her niece's bluntness.

"Hey!" Noah said defensively, "he's not ugly! Don't say that about him!"

"Its okay bud," Trevor stepped in. "Your brother is not even 1 day old. He's not ugly and I don't want to hear you say that again. He's just adjusting to being outside of Mommy's tummy and in a few days time he will look different," he added.

"Hmmph."

Olivia smirked, unoffended by Eloise's reaction. "That's okay Elly, you'll get used to him and you'll love him."

"I love him, Mommy." Noah replied, staring at him, curious to touch him but not daring to.

"I love him tooooooo," Eloise replied, not to be out done. "I just don't like his face yet."

Trevor and Olivia exchanged looks, trying hard not to be amused. Trevor glanced at his sister and shook his head.

"Well you're going to be looking at his face forever, so you better get used to it," Trevor told her.

"Hey guys, why don't I take some pics of you all together?" Erika suggested, "you don't have any family photos yet, do you?" she asked.

"Not really," Olivia replied, "but I look so foul…"

"You spent 15 hours in labor and then you had surgery," Trevor told her warningly, "you look amazing and I won't accept anything different."

"Yeah Mommy," Noah shadowed Trevor, "you look beautiful."

Olivia grinned at her little boy. "Thank you babe." She planted a kiss on his forehead and leaned over to plant one on Eloise too.

Olivia relented and allowed Erika to take some photos. Afterwards, Trevor Noah down in the big padded chair he'd been sleeping on and allowed him to hold his little brother. He was so proud and they were relieved, Noah had been at first, a little unwelcoming to the idea of having a brother but he excitedly held him and stroked his face carefully watching his newborn brother with amazement.

He grinned at Trevor, "Daddy when do we get to take him home?" he asked. "he could sleep in my bed if you want."

Trevor chuckled, "that's so sweet of you, bud, but he has to sleep with Mommy in our room so that Mom can feed him when he wakes up because he needs to be fed a lot."

"Oh," Noah replied. He looked at Eloise who stood close, staring curiously, patiently waiting for her turn. "Eloise you have to be nice to him, he's our brother, don't call him ugly," he told her seriously, "nobody calls you ugly and if they did you'd cry."

"Would not," she retorted with a little pout, put off by Noah bossing her around.

"Would too, be kind."

"Daddy, I am kind!" she whined, look up at her father for his confirmation.

"You are very kind Eloise, but it's never kind when you call someone ugly. Noah is right, you wouldn't be very happy if someone said you were ugly because it's not true and we don't speak like that to each other, okay?"

She nodded slowly. "Can I have a turn of my brother now?" she asked softly.

Olivia almost laughed out loud at her wording. "Noah, babe, I think you better let Elly hold him so she can see just how beautiful he is, why don't you come back up here and have a cuddle with me?"

"Okay Mommy," he replied.

Trevor took Teddy back and Erika helped Eloise in the chair. She went to help Noah too, by placing him back up close to Olivia.

"Mommy, what's that?" he asked pointing to her IV. "It looks sore, does it hurt?"

"Not really, it's just a needle that is going to stay in my arm for a little longer in case I need some medication, but it doesn't hurt me and I was asleep when they gave it to me so I didn't feel it," she explained. Noah wrapped his arms around his mother. She smiled, loving how warm and sweet he was.

"How does it feel to be a big big big brother?" she asked.

"Good," he replied, "I like it. Remember when I didn't have one sister or brother?" he asked, "now I have two!" he exclaimed happily, "and I have a Daddy too, now I'm just like Connor," he added, "and my friends."

Olivia smiled, "I do remember. We are so lucky to have Eloise and Daddy, aren't we? And now you have auntie Ez and Uncle Sonny and a new Grandma…" she listed off all the wonderful things that they had acquired over the year. "A lot of changes, but they're all wonderful ones aren't they?"

"Yes," Noah nodded. He curled in to Olivia and she felt so thankful and blessed to have a life so full of love. She kissed Noah on the forehead and felt restful and content.

"Can you give Mommy a hugggggeeeeeeeee cuddle?" she asked her son. "I missed you and Elly sooooo much," she told him.

Noah laughed. He wrapped his arms around Olivia and rested his head on her chest. She smiled and closed her eyes. Trevor was still taking photos and managed to capture a beautiful one of Olivia and Noah looking at each other, grinning. It made him smile. He knew being part of a family was very special to both of them. It made his heart warm that Teddy marked the start of something that was now real and it anchored them all together.

/

After a short while, the kids went home with Erika with pictures to take home to show Carisi and Joan who would come in the next day.

"How are you feeling?" Trevor asked after their little visitors had left.

"Exhausted," she smiled wearily at him. "But happy."

When Teddy began to stir, Olivia knew it was her time to try to feed. She buzzed the nurse, unsure of exactly what to do or how to go about it. Trevor offered to change his diaper first so that he would nurse calmly until he was finished. He had changed two diapers so far and already felt like some kind of expert.

Olivia watched him with pride, knowing that he was going to be the best father, thankful that she had been lucky enough to find someone who was always true to his word.

"You're a natural," she told him as the nurse arrived. Her name was Camryn and she smiled at Olivia warmly as Trevor handed their son over.

"I think he needs to feed and … I haven't attempted yet."

"Ah, you were the emergency c section last night night, okay let's see what we can do, Olivia." She nodded toward Trevor, "Not to assume, but are you Dad?"

"Sure I am," Trevor grinned proudly. The nurse looked down at Teddy and smiled, "Look at his little frowny face, such beautiful hair…" she caressed his head.

Olivia smiled. "I'm a little worried because I wasn't able to feed, what if he has trouble? I know its best to do it right after birth…" she blurted out all of her anxieties which came as news to Trevor.

"Its okay," Camryn assured her, "it can be beneficial to feed immediately after birth, but its not everything so don't worry too much. We'll work it out and we'll keep trying if there are any problems. How do your breasts feel?" she asked her, "do they hurt or do they feel full?"

"Pressure," she told the nurse, "but because he's a few weeks early, is that going to matter?" she wondered.

"No, once he latches on and starts attempting, it'll trigger something and your body will know what to do…"

Trevor pulled up a chair while the nurse grabbed some gloves. "Did you not breastfeed your other two?" she wondered curiously.

"No," Olivia smiled, not looking up from baby Teddy. "I didn't give birth to neither of my children," she added.

The nurse smiled, deciding to leave it at that. "Okay so, whatever side you are feeling most pressure, we'll start with that." She told Olivia. She helped her ease down her gown. She gave Olivia directions as to how to hold her breast and how to stimulate Teddy's mouth to ready him.

"They make it look so easy on TV," Trevor murmured, "just shove the baby at the breast and you're done…"

Olivia smiled at him and the nurse chuckled. "Sometimes it can be that easy, not always though…"

Camryn assisted Olivia ever-so-slightly. Teddy's mouth opened and the three adults anticipated whether or not he would take to it.

It took a few turns but after the fourth attempt, Olivia began to feel a little deflated. The nurse continued to assure her but he began wriggling slightly. "Its okay, don't worry," she told Olivia, "we'll keep trying, you're going to do this without any problem, don't you worry."

Olivia nodded. "Okay."

"Baby, you got this…" Trevor told her gently, but even he felt anxious for her. He wanted her to have at least one positive experience.

She closed her eyes and counted to three to stop herself from getting worked up. She looked back down at her son. "Come on my sweetheart, let's make things a bit easier for Mommy."

She attempted again and watched his mouth close over her breast and the strangest sensation washing over her. "Oh, I think he's doing it properly…" she murmured very slowly and softly, not wanting to be wrong. She felt the release.

Camryn grinned at her, "I think you did it, Olivia, congratulations."

She chuckled, "Oh my gosh… it feels so weird…" She glanced at Trevor who grinned back at her, happy that it was working. He got up from his chair and came around to her side and kissed her lips. "Good job Mommy," he said, caressing their hair.

"He's got a good latch, you're doing well…"

She explained how to figure out when he was finished and how to know when to change over to the other side. Olivia hoped it was always going to be that easy, but was glad for the few days in hospital to have the assistance if necessary.

The nurse left her to it and told her to buzz if she needed her again. Olivia felt confident already and happy that after all that had happened, the experience of feeding seemed to be going perfectly.

/

Trevor was so excited to bring Olivia and Teddy home – and the biggest surprise he had in store for her was yet to come. The kids had become really good at keeping up the secret.

"Where are we going?" Olivia asked as they headed right past their townhouse.

"Somewhere special…" he replied glancing at her, giving her a wink. She reached for his hand over the top of the gearstick in the middle of the Range Rover.

Olivia gave him a funny look, unsure of what to believe. He made a few unfamiliar turns before she realized where they were. "What are we doing here?" she wondered.

"I just wanted to show you a few things that I bought while you've been in the hospital."

She rose her eyebrow. "Honey, I am kind of tired and I don't want to wake Teddy."

"Its okay, I won't require you to move around too much and let me worry about Teddy."

She didn't want to be difficult when she could see that he had some surprise in store for her, she could tell by the glint in his eyes and the excitement that he was trying to contain. She just gave him a smile when all she wanted to do was get in to her own bed and have a shower in her own bathroom and spend time with her family in a quiet household.

He pulled the car in to the vacant car spot in the private underground parking. He quickly came around to Olivia's side and helped her out of the car. He opened the back door and took the baby sling that Olivia had brought with them. With a little help remembering how to fasten it, Trevor secured it around his body, excited to carry his son against him. Next, he unfastened Teddy and took him out gently, careful not to wake him. He held the newborn and slipped him gently beneath the fabric, pulling up the stretchy material so that he sat snuggly against his chest.

Olivia couldn't help but to grin at him. "Shit, you are such a dilf…" she told him with a laugh.

Trevor laughed too and reached for her hand, slipping his phone and everything else in to his pocket. Olivia laced her fingers between his and gave it a squeeze. He placed a hand on Teddy's warm back, keeping him secure despite how tight the sling was.

They walked slowly toward the entry to the elevator downstairs. Trevor put in the security code and pressed the 8th floor.

"I'm concerned we're not going to have enough time to move out of the townhouse with the baby; now that you've got one less set of hands…"

"Liv, I wouldn't have allowed you to help move heavy things even if you were still pregnant, don't worry about it, we'll get it finished, I've had some offers to help from our friends," he smiled, assuring her.

They got closer to the door and he momentarily let go of her hand, "are you okay?" he asked her. She nodded, holding a hand up on the wall.

She wasn't feeling too much pain because she was taking pain killers still but was still in discomfort. She watched him take out a key and unlock the front door. He opened it and put the key back in his pocket, recapturing her hand, he motioned for her to take a step through.

"Hey…" he stopped her as she was confronted by the sound of music or a television. She turned to face him, confusion crossing her face. He let the door close quietly behind him. He leaned over and kissed her lips gently. "Welcome home, baby… I love you."

"I love you too?" she replied, still trying to work out what was going on.

He smiled, realizing she had absolutely no clue what was going on. "Liv," he began, "we're moved in…" he said.

"What?" she asked.

"We're moved in… I still have to get a couple of things from the town house, but … we're moved in and you can think everyone at work for their help around the clock and Sonny's family, they were the real heroes…"

A little shocked and overwhelmed, Olivia looked around, her mouth falling open. "Are you kidding? I mean-" she paused, "shit who packed our room?" she thought of all the sexy lingere and her little companion that Trevor had bought her.

He laughed, knowing exactly what was going through her head, "I packed our room and our private things, Liv, don't panic," he said, stroking her hair. "But everything else is done. They packed, they made the trips, and yesterday you didn't see me all day because Sonny, Sonny's Dad, Kat, Mom, Noah and I were unpacking and putting away and moving furniture."

"What about… what about the wall in Eloise's room?" she stammered, trying hard not to let her emotions get the best of her.

"Don't worry about it, it'll get sorted out," he smiled. "Come on… let me show you… the kids have been keeping this a secret and poor Elly is going to burst open."

"Trevor, my hormones are really out of whack, I am going to cry this is the most beautiful gesture…"

"I think you need to realize that you are incredibly loved, Captain Benson." He smiled watching her eyes film over, "I told you that you wouldn't have to worry."

He guided her down the hall. "Hey guys… look who's home…." He stuck his head in to the kids rec room that was just an smaller room annexed off the family room. They were playing while Erika and Sonny sat on the couch watching a Disney movie.

"Daddddddddy! Mommy!" Eloise called out.

Trevor pressed his finger to his lips, "Teddy is sleeping, honey, you need to use your soft voice, okay?"

Olivia was still overwhelmed, looking around the house, amazed at how it all looked with their things inside of it.

Eloise stood in front of Liv with her arms up to be picked up. "I'm sorry honey, I can't pick you up, I'm still very sore," she said.

Instead, Elly wrapped her arms around Olivia's legs. "Just be careful honey, Mommy has a big boo boo on her tummy and it's still healing."

"Its okay," Liv said with a smile. "Hey guys," she smiled at Sonny and Erika, lifting her hand to wave. "I'm sorry," she said apologetically to Trevor, "I really want to see the house but I think I just need to sit down."

"Of course, baby, sit down," he went to grab her hand and guided her over to one of the new couches they'd picked out before he left for Pennsylvania.

The new couch they'd picked out looked amazing in the living room. "How are you feeling Liv?"

"Overwhelmed," she replied with a smile at Sonny, "and really excited to see how much work you guys put in, but… maybe after a little rest," she sat and smiled, enjoying the comfort of the large circular seat. She couldn't wait to snuggle on it with Trevor. She sunk in to it and was concerned with how she would get back off of it without some assistance.

She patted either side of her for the kids to join her after they said hello to Trevor and their new brother.

"You're looking very fatherly," Erika smiled at her brother.

Trevor beamed, bowing his head slightly to kiss his newborn's crown. He watched the children sidle up to Liv. "Do you think I could get you to help me by either taking this little one while I go get our things out of the car or coming down with me to grab some stuff?" Trevor asked Sonny.

"Sure no worries."

When they disappeared Erika turned to Olivia who looked sleepy. "how are you feeling Livvy?" she asked, a half of a smile crossing her lips.

Olivia smiled. "Just had a wave of exhaustion hit me and I really want to get up and look at everything but my arms and legs just wont move now and I need to be cuddled…" she laughed in spite of herself.

Erika smiled. "Would you like me to get you a blanket?" she asked sweetly.

"No honey, I'm okay, thank you." Olivia replied looking over at Trevor's sister with gratitude. "Thank you though, for everything, for you and Sonny looking after the kids and being our lifeline. Come over here too, for sister snuggles…" she reached her hand out, having no issue in showing her vulnerability and softer side with Trevor's little sister.

"Mommy we are all having cuddles!" Eloise exclaimed excitedly.

"We are, sweetheart," Olivia replied, watching Erika get up and lift her niece before getting comfortable beside her sister in law, placing Eloise on top of her, nestled between the two women.

"We wouldn't have ever wanted to be anywhere else but beside you guys helping out." Erika replied. Olivia lifted her head and kissed Erika's temple and smiled.

"You're the best sister ever," she told her. "And I can't wait for you to hang out with Teddy over these next few weeks and get to know him and enjoy being an aunt to an infant."

"Me either," Erika grinned, excitement for what she longed for brewed within her. She stared at Olivia for a moment. "Can I tell you something?"

Olivia smiled and nodded.

Erika looked around to make sure she couldn't hear the two men returning.

"We're moving in together…"

Olivia grinned, "Congratulations! When!?"

"Next week," she replied – she ran her fingers through her hair a little self-consciously; shy, even. "Thanks, I actually think he's the one," she murmured, "and his Mom and I – we have gotten so close and it's made my relationship better with my Mom."

"I actually did notice that," Olivia replied. "Okay I want to hear all about it—" they heard the two men coming back, "when I don't have little ears or big ears around," she winked.

They shared a smile. She felt Olivia slip her hand in to hers and give it a squeeze.

Trevor grinned finding his wife-to-be and his sister snuggled with the kids together. It was all he could have hoped for to have the two most important women in his life as close as he thought possible.

"You guys look cute…" Carisi remarked with a smirk and a little shake of his head. "Hey Noah, guess what?"

"What?" Noah asked, looking up at his favourite Uncle Sonny.

"Dad and I were thinking we might go and get some dinner for everyone, what do you think about helping us take all this baby stuff upstairs and then we can figure it out and do a boys trip for food."

"I'm going to stay with my Mommy and my Ezzie," Eloise replied, not wanting to be outdone.

Trevor smiled and looked at Noah who had climbed off the couch. "Maybe you can sit with your brother for me on the chair in his room while Sonny and I put some things away, how do you feel about that, bud?" Trevor asked.

He nodded. He was quiet and hadn't said much.

"What's wrong?" Trevor realized something was wrong. "Aren't you happy that we're home?"

"Yes," he replied.

"Okay, what's up? Do you want to come with me and talk about it in the kitchen?"

Noah looked around self-consciously. "Uncle Sonny, do you think you could take baby Teddy for me?" Trevor asked, looking to Sonny, realizing he had to make the decision for Noah.

"Sure, of course, I'd love to."

Trevor slowly and gently slipped his son out of the sling and passed him over to Sonny.

Sonny supported Teddy in his arms before laying the infant against his shoulder, smiling at Erika who watched on with a little smile as well as a little pang in her heart that she would never see Sonny holding their own baby.

Trevor took Noah's hand, "Come on bud, come with me…" he smiled at his eldest son and led him out to the kitchen. "Let's get a drink and a little snack and spend some time together."

He realized that was probably all it was – not jealousy, but fear that all the attention the infant was getting was dictating how little time Trevor and Olivia was going to have for him.

Trevor knew Olivia was going to love the new set up of their apartment. Everything was a little warmer, a little more home-y including the shabby-chic kitchen that he knew when she was well enough she was going to have a wonderful time making in to their own.

She and Helena's style couldn't have been any more different. Olivia loved colours and brightness and a more casual feel about things. Trevor didn't mind accommodating to that. He wanted nothing more for them to feel happy and at home.

"Wanna sit up here?" he asked Noah, patting the marble top of the kitchen counter. "I can get us some cheese and some rye crackers and you can tell me what's been happening."

Noah nodded.

Trevor lifted him up and sat him down. He opened the refrigerator and reminded himself to thank his sister for picking up everything on the list. He pulled out the soft cheese and a packet of crackers from the pantry. He grabbed the chopping board and a blunt knife and divided up the soft cheese in to small wedges. "We haven't had the chance to spend some time just you and I, have we?" Trevor observed, laying out some crackers with some cheese.

"No, cos you've had Teddy and Mommy and the house," Noah replied.

Trevor pushed the plate of crackers toward him. "I know, but your brother wasn't supposed to come for a few more weeks that's why everything has been crazy, it was an emergency and Mommy got a little sick with Teddy so she had to have an operation that's why she's not feeling very well."

Noah nodded.

"Why are you so sad?" Trevor asked. "You barely said a word to Mommy when we got home and you still aren't your normal happy self, bud and I'm just worried about you."

"You and Mommy didn't give me a cuddle because you were too busy with the baby," he said very, very quietly that Trevor had to listen closely to hear the words leave his son's mouth.

"You know what, bud?" Trevor began, "sometimes you just need to tell us and its okay, sometimes you just have to say, 'Daddy, I need a cuddle' or 'Mommy, I want a hug', and we might have our hands full for a moment, but I promise that as soon as we can, we will give you the best cuddle that we can."

"I know," Noah replied, "but I want you and Mommy to be happy to see me," he said.

"Listen," Trevor began, placing his hands on Noah's thin shoulders and leaning down just a little to meet his son's eyes. "We are both so happy to be home with you and Elly, Mommy has cried every night after she says goodnight because she misses you so much," he explained, "so please don't ever think we're not happy; we are just very tired."

"Okay Dad," Noah replied.

"And now that we're home, I can do all the fun things I normally do. I can do bath time with you and Elly and I can do storytime."

"Okay Daddy," he repeated.

"Noah, it makes me sad that you're sad…" Trevor remarked, "but if you're just feeling a bit down in the dumps because of all the big changes, that's okay, you're allowed to have those feelings."

"Do you want to eat some of this?" Trevor nodded to the crackers. Noah took one politely and ate silently. Trevor took one too and put away the crackers and cheese packets. He returned to Noah.

"Hey, tell me about school, did you tell your class that you have a new baby brother?" Trevor asked curiously.

Noah shook his head. "Not yet, maybe tomorrow."

"Okay," Trevor accepted his as Noah reached for another cracker. "What did you guys do today before Mommy and I came home?" he wondered, trying to engage him in conversation. Trevor leaned on the counter, giving Noah all of his attention.

"Ummm we went for a walk and then Uncle Sonny and I went to the park and played catch while Auntie Ez took Elly home because she was tired and needed her nap."

"That sounds like fun," he said, "we can go to a game again soon if you like, how do you feel about that?" Trevor asked him.

Noah smiled and nodded. "I like going to see the Yankees with you Daddy, that was a fun day."

"I know, it was the best day!" Trevor told him with a fond smile. "Let me think about it and I'll talk to Mom and see if we can do it again soon, okay?"

Noah nodded. "Do we have to take my baby brother?" he asked gingerly.

"No," Trevor replied with a smile. "Sometimes, even though you have a baby brother, we will do stuff just the two of us, okay?"

"Thanks Daddy," Noah replied, finally smling, even if it was just a little bit, Trevor was taking it.

"Tonight we are going to have a quiet night, Uncle Sonny and me will go and get some dinner to bring home and you can come if you like."

"Okay."

Trevor pushed the last cracker toward Noah, "you have that one, kiddo and then we better go check on everyone…"

Noah ate the cracker. "Thanks for my snack, Daddy," he said politely.

Trevor smiled and lifted him up, "give me a hug, bud, I need it after the big, exhausting week I've had! I think Mom and I both do."

Noah wrapped his arms around him and Trevor gave him a squeeze as they headed back to the living room. Sonny was sitting awkwardly on the floor with Eloise playing a game with her while Olivia was feeding. Trevor smiled. She looked so peaceful and at ease with their new son. He was covered with a muslin cloth for privacy.

Erika and Liv were chatting softly about Teddy.

"What are my other two favourite boys up to?" she asked, looking from Liv to Noah.

"We just had a little snack and now we are gonna grab Uncle Sonny and go and get some dinner and maybe some dessert."

"Mmm, please pleaaasee get me something amazing for dessert and even better for dinner, hospital food wasn't cutting it."

Trevor laughed. "Of course. Anything for my Olivia," he winked, coming to kiss her forehead as Carisi got up to join them.

"Daddy can I come too?" Eloise asked.

"Of course you can," he smiled.

/

Once the boys and Eloise had left, Olivia managed to shift herself in to a sitting position, handing Teddy to her sister-in-law. "How is it?" Erika asked softly, nodding down at her nephew, "being a Mom for the first time to an infant."

Olivia glanced at Erika and gave her a small smile. She regarded her feelings and didn't want to make her feel bad but she didn't want to lie either. "It's … special, the nursing thing – I was looking forward to it, but I didn't know how special it would be and I've literally only been doing it for two days," she admitted.

"I wish, I wish, I wish…" she breathed in reply to Olivia as she looked down at her nephew. "Don't get me wrong, I am so happy to be an aunt, but if I'm honest, there's a little part that rips my heart out-" she paused and stared at her. "I'm so sorry I just said that outloud."

"No," Olivia replied, putting an arm around Trevor's sister, resting her cheek on her shoulder, "you don't have to be sorry for your feelings. I don't want to say I know how you feel because here I am with a child, but… I remember being your age and really believing that there was no chance – ever."

"I love him," Erika replied, holding the tiny baby in her arms, "I don't think I could love him more than I do… and I may have gone overboard buying clothes for him and then I felt bad so I bought Elly and Noahs some clothes too…" she gave a little laugh.

"You are so sweet… those kids love their auntie Ez, I hope you know that."

"I know and I love them too."

"Can I ask you a delicate question?" Liv wondered.

"Yes…" Erika replied.

"When you found out you couldn't conceive, was there a particular reason?" she wondered.

"Uexplained infertility," she murmured, looking at her sister-in-law. "They think it has to do with having Polycystic Ovaries. IVF was off the table because of money and Mitch's parents being hyper-religious," she replied.

"That's really tough," Olivia replied. "I guess IVF is a lot of money if they're saying you have reasons why you won't get pregnant."

She nodded. "Sonny suggested we try a different doctor down the track and try to get some answers if it's what I want, but I don't know if I'm ready for that again; it broke me and I feel like I'm kind of on the other side of it, I'm scared if I was go down that avenue again, It'd kill what I have with Sonny."

"I understand. You have time. You might change your mind in a year or even in a few months, you never know." Olivia said gently, "but for now, little Teddy will just soak up all the love of his Auntie Ez." Olivia leaned in and stroked her son's soft skin.

As hungry as she was, she couldn't wait to sleep in bed.