Killian couldn't sleep.
He'd agreed to Emma's request because it had felt like the right thing to do. He could see the fear and exhaustion etched into every line of her skin, and he knew that while a good night's sleep wouldn't ease all of her concerns, it would certainly help her feel a little better.
But once he'd climbed onto the bed beside her, he found that sleep was the farthest thing from his mind. With Emma's body so close to his own, Killian's mind was full of the many reasons why this had been such a bad idea. She was so close he could feel the heat of her body as she pressed up against his own, even through the layers of sheets on the bed. With every move she made, she shifted a little closer until her face ended up buried in the side of his chest, which meant that every time he turned his head to look at her, he ended up with a face full of her long blonde hair. As the night wore on, she became more clingy. First, it was just her leg that she threw over his to pull herself in closer. Then it was her arm, winding its way around his waist to grip tightly to the side of his sweater. Killian tried shifting out of her grasp but every time he moved, Emma would whimper slightly in her sleep and then pull herself even closer. Eventually, he just stopped trying.
Instead, Killian lay rigidly on his back with his eyes screwed shut, going over and over the evidence they'd collected so far. His mind cycled through the victims and their connections to Emma, as he tried to find that missing piece that tied them all to their killer. He went over the memories he held of those pictures, trying in vain to recall if there were any minor details in the images that would hint to a location. So far, the only information they'd been able to determine was that the pictures had been taken somewhere isolated, close to the sites of the body drops and the victims' homes. But that hadn't exactly narrowed down their search. If you knew where to look, LA was full of isolated places.
When he finally fell asleep, the sun was beginning to rise over the city, and Killian's dreams were full of faceless men torturing Emma while he watched on helplessly from the sidelines as she begged him to make it stop.
Awareness returned to Killian a few hours later as he felt something soft dance over his forehead, just above his left eye. The touch was so soothing that for a second, he wanted to lay there forever, pretending to sleep while the feeling continued. But as the soft brush of fingertips made its way along his cheek, Killian finally peeled his eyes open.
He turned his head slightly to the right and met Emma Swan's curious gaze. She was still stretched out beside him on the bed, but she was propped up on her left arm as she trailed the fingers of her right hand down the side of his face. Clearly, she'd been awake for some time.
"You have little lines – just here -" she said, as those fingertips brushed at the corner of his eye. "When you dream they crease and then relax again."
"Is that your way of telling me that I'm getting old?" he asked, his voice rougher and deeper than usual with sleep still clouding the edges of his mind.
"I like them," she continued, almost like she hadn't heard him at all. "I can tell what you're thinking when they appear. Ariel had them too."
For a moment, Killian froze under her touch as he waited to see how she would react to the reminder of her dead friend. He was expecting her to lash out again, or maybe even to cry, but instead, she just carried on running her fingers down over the stubble on his cheeks.
"Regina said you could lose your job," she continued, using that same soft, emotionless voice.
Killian's brow creased as he tried to figure out the meaning behind her words, and Emma brought her thumb up to sweep across the lines.
"She said your reputation would be ruined if anyone found out," she continued, giving him no time to work out what she was talking about. "But nobody needs to know."
Before Killian's sleep-addled brain could finish processing Emma's words, she'd leaned down to press her lips firmly to his. He wasn't sure if it was the warm weight of her body pushed against his, or the early hour of the morning – maybe it was a combination of the two? – but he didn't immediately pull away. It was only when Emma attempted to deepen their kiss that he finally seemed to come to his senses, and reached out to gently push her back.
"Emma, no," he protested, keeping a firm grip on her shoulders so that he could stop her from making another surprise attack, and at the same time, keep her from running away from him. "This isn't right - and not just because of the impact it could have on my career. You're going through so much right now. You're not thinking clearly. If you were, you… you wouldn't want me. I'm too old for you and I –"
"I don't care," she declared firmly. "I don't care about any of it. And I promise I won't tell anyone."
"Emma, it's not –" Killian sighed deeply as he tried to find the right words to fit the moment.
"Would it really be so bad?" she asked, somehow finding a way to shimmy a little closer to him. "I want you and you want me. I know you do. I can feel how much you want me - pressing against my thigh."
She dropped her head to brush a kiss to his collarbone as Killian tried to twist the lower half of his body away from hers. It wasn't anything to worry about, he told himself. He often woke up that way in the mornings. Except that he was pretty sure he hadn't woken up that way this morning. Not after the dreams that had plagued him all night.
"I'd be taking advantage of you."
"You're not," Emma assured him, her lips now moving up his neck with wicked accuracy.
"You're in a vulnerable position, Emma. You're scared and… and you're upset. It wouldn't be right."
Emma pulled back to meet his eyes and Killian found himself swallowing heavily at just how vulnerable she looked.
"Maybe that's why this isn't wrong," she declared fiercely. "Maybe I just need to feel… something… something other than the crushing weight of all this guilt that's currently threatening to suffocate me."
Killian reached out to brush away the tear that had formed at the corner of Emma's eye. "That's why this is wrong," he whispered, even as his fingers lingered to sweep the hair back from her face.
"Something that feels this right should never be wrong."
Killian wanted to argue with her some more. He knew that taking things any further with Emma Swan would ruin him in more ways than she could ever understand. But he couldn't seem to find the words to do so, because deep down, he agreed with her. Nothing that felt that right should everbe wrong.
Emma leaned down and Killian felt his eyes flutter shut as he anticipated her kiss once more. But instead of the light press of her lips, he felt the whisper of her breath against his cheek as she pleaded, "Make me forget," before finally turning her head to meet his lips with her own.
He tried to resist. He tried to remind himself of all the reasons why he shouldn't kiss her back. But with every glide of Emma's lips against his, Killian found each one of his reasons suddenly fleeing from his mind until all that was left was the burning desire to finally act upon those feelings he'd been burying deep within his gut. He groaned low and long in the back of his throat, the sound equal parts arousal and resignation as he wound his arms around Emma's waist and pull her down to him.
Emma seemed to come alive under his touch. She hooked her left leg over his hip, urging Killian to roll closer to her as she licked at his lips. When he was on his side with one of his legs slotted between both of hers, she grew braver, sliding her hands down his back before feeling around for the hem of his sweater.
Killian had deliberately allowed Emma to control the pace and movements made until that moment. She'd lost so much control of her life, given what was currently happening, and he wanted to give her control over something. But the moment her small hands began pushing the fabric of his black sweater up his back, his instincts took over, and Killian rolled them both until Emma was resting on the bed between the cradle of his thighs. He waited until she had the fabric bunched up under his arms to push himself to his knees. Breaking away from her kisses, Killian reached back to pull the sweater over his head, and then threw the garment somewhere to his left.
Emma seemed in no hurry to bring him back down to her as she relaxed into the mattress and watched her hands trace the lines of muscles in his stomach. When she hit a particularly sensitive spot, and Killian flinched under her touch, a small smile curled at her lips. She took her time exploring every part of him she could reach before she removed her hands from his chest to pull her tank top over her head.
He watched as her long blonde hair spilled around the curves of her breasts before he turned his attention a little lower. Instead of falling back on her, Killian decided to repay the favor and settled his hands on her stomach. He allowed his fingertips to dance over the slight dips and bumps there that gave away just how toned she was. He found that if he brushed the backs of his fingers up her sides, Emma squirmed underneath him, and the higher he got, the more she moved.
When he finally turned his attention to her pert breasts, the humor behind Emma's eyes left with a blink. Again, he took his time exploring the area, learning where she liked to be touched, and how. Her eyes would flutter shut every time he used his thumbs to tease her nipples, and Killian used that knowledge to his advantage, bending down to suck one into his mouth when she least expected it.
"Fuck!"
The word was uttered on a harshly drawn breath and Killian felt his entire body throb painfully. There was something about the quiet confidence she was exuding at that moment that turned him on in a way nobody else ever had. He assumed it was the performer in her.
"More," she panted out, as he moved away from her nipple to press soft, wet kisses over the rest of her breast.
He did eventually obey her command, switching his attention to the other side as her legs came up to wrap around his waist, drawing them even closer together. When Killian suckled on her gently, Emma's hips bucked up into his, rubbing against where he was already hot and heavy for her.
He finally pulled his attention away from her breasts to begin pressing kisses across her collarbone and up her neck, as Emma continued to rock herself gently against him. She only stopped moving when he dropped his hand down to her hip to hold her still, and her eyes sprang open in surprise.
"I need to hear it," he told her, making sure that their eyes were locked on to each other's. "I need you to tell me this is what you want. What you really want," he explained.
"It's what I want," Emma assured him, reaching up to thread her fingers through his hair. "You're what I want."
Killian nodded his head before dipping it to kiss her again. He'd needed to hear the words before things went any further. He'd needed to make absolutely sure that he wasn't taking advantage of Emma by carrying on. And while he knew it wouldn't absolve all of his guilt when this high eventually wore off, Killian hoped it would help him to forgive himself for what he was about to do.
Before his thoughts could spiral into anything darker, Emma relaxed her grip on his hair and began sliding her hands down his back. Her legs fell against the mattress and Killian allowed his fingertips to begin teasing up and down one of them, coming closer every second to the place where she needed him most. When she hit the waistband of his jeans, she traced the fabric around to the front and then dropped her hands down that little bit further to begin tugging at his belt.
The position they were in wasn't exactly the best to finish undressing each other, and neither one of them seemed to want to stop kissing long enough to make it easier, but eventually, Killian was able to kick off his jeans and boxers.
"God, you have an amazing ass," Emma panted, tearing her lips from his while he turned his attention down to her tiny sleep shorts. "I can't wait to feel it flex as you move inside me."
Killian's hips thrust forward of their own accord as the dirty words were whispered into his ear, and Emma's long, low moan was like the finest of music. He wasn't sure he'd ever been with a woman as confident as she seemed to be, but Killian knew it was definitely something he liked.
"If you lift your hips we can make that happen sooner," he told her, sitting back on the bed so that he could tug her shorts off her legs.
This time, it was his turn to groan when he settled back between her thighs and felt the warm wetness of her pressed against him. She really did want him, and that realization came with a heady feeling of euphoria.
He took his time sliding his hand down her body, gently teasing over the spots that made her buck up into his touch, and some that made her squirm away from him with a giggle. When he finally ran a finger softly across her folds, the humor between the two of them vanished in an instant and was replaced with a need that verged on greed.
"Oh," she gasped softly, as Killian took a moment just to find out how and where she liked to be touched. When he began circling her clit with his thumb, Emma's hips arched away from the bed as she gasped out, "Oh… Agen–"
"Killian," he corrected instantly, because there was no way he'd be able to continue if she called that out during the height of her pleasure. "My name's Killian."
"Killian," she agreed, tightening her arms around his shoulders, almost like she'd sensed that the use of his title had his mind teetering on the edge of that dark place once again.
"Please, Killian. Please," she begged as her hips began thrusting up to meet his fingers.
Remembering what she'd enjoyed earlier, Killian made his touch a little firmer as he picked up the pace. He wanted her to come before they did anything else. Emma had wanted to forget and Killian was going to make damned sure she did that while they were together.
For a moment, the only sounds that could be heard in the room were the soft pants of Emma's breath, mixed with the little gasps and whimpers of pleasure she released.
When her climax eventually came, it wasn't at all what Killian had been expecting. The usually confident and vocal women beneath him fell silent. Emma's body seemed to tense completely, her breath freezing in her lungs before her body dropped down to the mattress as she struggled to pull in air. It was soft and silent, and yet, it was still one of the sexiest things Killian had ever seen in his life.
"So beautiful," he whispered, shifting his weight a little to give her some space to relax.
But the moment he moved, Emma seemed to snap back to life. She lifted her head to meet his, giving him a soul-searching look before she crashed their lips back together for a bruising kiss.
When they were both gasping for air once more, Killian pulled back just far enough to rest his forehead against her own as he pushed into her. He wanted to watch and savor that moment. He never wanted to forget the way Emma arched up into him, or the little gasp she gave as her eyes fluttered shut. Killian had never felt anything quite like the way she felt around him. He dipped his head to press soft kisses along her shoulder as he squeezed his eyes shut and began to move.
He tried to keep his movements soft and gentle. Killian was well aware that very few people in Emma's life had ever shown her the love and affection she deserved, so he wanted to make sure she would remember their time together that way, instead of for what it really was – two people seeking to forget their reality for just a moment.
Emma pulled his head back to rest against hers, raking her hands down his back and pushing herself up to meet every one of his thrusts. She still had her eyes screwed shut, but it wasn't hard to see the look of complete ecstasy on her face.
At her urging, Killian sped up his thrusts and then dropped his hand between their bodies to begin teasing her clit. He wanted this to be good for her. He wanted her to completely forget, even if it was only for that brief moment that would come when she inevitably reached her peak. And if he was being completely honest with himself, Killian wanted the peace that came with forgetting too.
"Oh, God," Emma gasped out, her body arching further into his as he finally found the right combination to make her shatter. "Oh… Killian!"
"Yes," he ground out from between clenched teeth. His name had never sounded so good before.
"Please," she begged. "Please, please, please, please, please…"
Killian's hips snapped into hers more forcefully and he bit down on his bottom lip as he felt his own orgasm begin to build in his gut.
"Yes," she moaned. "Oh, yes."
Her hips undulated into his for a few more moments before she suddenly tensed in his arms again. A small shudder ran through her body and then she went completely lax, sinking back into the mattress with a serene smile on her face.
Killian buried his head in her neck once again as he thrust into her another handful of times before he finally came with a low groan, emptying himself inside of her.
When the haze of his orgasm finally began to lift, he became aware of Emma's small body trapped under his own. He knew that he should probably move; that the weight of his body must be crushing her underneath him. But when Emma's hands came up to pull lazily through his hair, Killian couldn't seem to find the desire to do so.
Eventually, after what felt like hours, Emma pressed her lips to his cheek as she whispered a heartfelt, "Thank you."
Killian wasn't entirely sure how to respond to that. He'd never had a woman thank him for sex before. So instead of saying anything, he simply turned his head to press a kiss to her neck and then rolled off her body to lay against the mattress.
He wasn't expecting Emma to snuggle into his side, and he certainly wasn't expecting the two of them to fall asleep that way. But he probably should have known by now that Emma Swan wasn't anything like he'd expected her to be.
It was a persistent buzzing noise that finally pulled Killian from sleep. It took him a moment to blink himself awake, and then another to pull himself away from Emma's warm, soft body, in order to find the source of the noise. When he did, he cursed with his frustration.
His phone had stopped ringing and was now proudly displaying the six missed calls from David on his screen. Killian hurriedly pulled on his jeans as he hit redial on the familiar number, and then shut himself away in the bathroom so as not to disturb Emma.
"Killian, thank god," David barked out. "I've been trying to get hold of you for almost an hour now. I was starting to worry that something terrible had happened."
"Sorry. I was uh… I was just trying to catch some sleep," he explained, because that technically wasn't a lie. He had been sleeping.
"Why does your voice sound weird?"
"I'm in the bathroom. I didn't want to wake Emma."
David seemed to buy that explanation as he said, "Oh, okay. Well, I've got some early reports for you if you wanna look them over. I'm on my way to the hotel now."
Killian considered his response for a moment before he realized that he wouldn't be able to deter his partner - and he did want to read those preliminary reports, just to see if they offered any new clues as to the identity of their killer. But he really didn't want to wake Emma while she was sleeping so peacefully, and he couldn't allow David into the room while she was sleeping naked. His partner would have far too many questions that Killian wouldn't know how to answer.
"Okay," he eventually sighed. "How um… how about I meet you in the surveillance room? That way, we won't wake Emma."
"I'll give you a ring as soon as I'm there," David promised, disconnecting the line without waiting for his friend's response.
Killian took a deep breath in and then let it out as he raised his eyes to check over his reflection in the mirror. He'd need to tame his hair before he left the room, but apart from that, he couldn't see anything to suggest to anyone else that he'd just made the biggest mistake of his entire career.
"Shit," he sighed, as memories of his time with Emma flashed behind his eyes. "Shit!"
When he finished with David, he was going to need to talk to her, and then to Isaacs. This might be the biggest case of his life, but Killian knew that the first thing he needed to do when he got back to the office was recuse himself from it. He couldn't let his connection with Emma Swan jeopardize the outcome of it, and cost the families of the victims the justice they deserved.
Mind made up, Killian turned on the tap and ran his fingers through the stream of water to help tame his hair. He also made sure to splash some over his face, just for good measure. Then he left the bathroom.
Emma was still sleeping peacefully in the middle of the bed. The sheets had slipped down to her waist, revealing her bare chest, and Killian took a moment just to sit and watch as she breathed evenly through her dreams. When he felt his phone begin to buzz once more, he pulled the sheet back up to cover her fully before throwing on his sweater. On his way out of the bedroom, he paused to gather up all of the files he'd been looking through before Emma's nightmare had distracted him, and tucked away anything she might find upsetting. Then he reached for a blank sheet of paper. He considered what to write for a moment before finally settling on the truth, and then scrawled down a quick message, just in case she awoke while he was gone.
Emma,
If you wake before I get back, I'm just next door, talking to my partner. I didn't want to bring him here while you were sleeping.
I'll be back as soon as possible and I'm only a short walk away if you need me.
Killian.
He left the note on the pillow where his head had been resting only moments before, and then gathered up his things to slip quietly from the room, praying that Emma Swan wouldn't wake until he returned.
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