Chapter 8...?
Today's going to be a little different. Just some recorded events provided by...an omnipresent cameraman. Swearing warning for the last few.
[#1 Rotund Specimen]
The day started out like any other day – the sun shining, the birds are chirping, and the wind flowing softly down the streets of the City of Freedom. The townsfolk went on their daily routine, cooking dishes, hammering metal or watering their plants. It was truly a peaceful morning.
The same could not be said for a certain house in the middle of the district.
"Mmm, yes...Yes! Splendid~" Amber murmured like a lunatic as she caressed gently...
A small hamster.
"Soft, rotund specimen~" She squeezed it gently, making squeaky noises with her mouth to imitate a squeaky toy. The Pilot was crouched in the corner of her bedroom with her helmet on, petting the hamster.
"Pilot, you are acting very erratically – do you require psychological attention?" BB asked in her helmet.
"Shh. Don't ruin the moment~" Amber cooed as she continued petting the hamster, the rodent squeaking in confusion as to why this giant is caressing it.
Suddenly, the door opened to reveal Jean, who was apparently looking for her. "Amber, where were you? I-" She faltered at the sight of the Pilot on the floor petting a hamster. Only a moment did Amber notice the sudden appearance of her guest. She jumped more violently than the hamster that leapt out of her hands and stubbed her toe against the wooden bedframe.
"FUCK!"
[#2 C9 Klee]
Amber was out strolling in Windrise when she found a little child in red praying to a statue. Albedo mentioned a kid named Klee and described the same red outfit she had. Perhaps this was Klee. She decided to see what was up.
"Dear Anemo God, please make Klee's bomb blow into the right direction and only blow bad guys!" The child prayed.
Bomb that can blow into the right direction, huh?
"Hi there, heard you need a little help?" The child turned to see a woman in a fluffy leather coat and a weird helmet on. Klee smiled and waved.
"Hi." She greeted, before tilting her head. "Help? What do you mean?"
Amber grinned under her helmet. "I think I know a bomb that can only blow up bad guys..." Klee's eyes and smile grow wider at the mention...
[Later...]
"Alright, I think that's everything set!" Amber slapped the breech of her 155mm howitzer she...borrowed from...someone. With her enhanced strength, it was no problem for her to load in the high explosive artillery shell into the chamber. All the while Klee watched with barely contained excitement, bouncing in her little wooden stool.
"I can't wait!" She grinned. Amber locked the breech in and tied a piece of string into the trigger. She was about to tell Klee to be careful with pulling of the trigger, when Klee immediately reached for it. "BLOW THEM UP!" The child cried out as she tugged on the string.
Now Playing: O Fortuna – Carl Orff
Amber could hear the imaginary orchestra reach a crescendo as the howitzer fired its 95-pound shell into the direction of one of the hilichurl villages in Dadaupa Gorge. She can only watch in awe and in horror as the shell whistled high into the sky. After a moment of silence and tinnitus from the shot, the round hit its mark. The boom can be heard for miles away as the ground shook slightly from the impact.
Klee promptly began to scream in delight. "Ka-BOOM!" She cried out. Amber was about to say the same when another horrible cry echoed through the air.
"KLEE!"
"Uh oh." The child widened her eyes in fear. "I think that was too much."
[#3 Say the Line]
"Are you serious?"
"Yes. It'll be worth it, I swear."
Eula huffs in irritation, with arms crossed. They have been standing outside for more than two hours – with Amber, Barbara and Aether watching from behind. The daunting task of that Eula must do...is to recite a line in the most dominant voice possible.
While it was odd and didn't matter much to Eula, the fact that two other people were watching was embarrassing.
"Come on~, it's just one line. It's not even weird!" Amber urged her.
The knight pinched the bridge of her nose. "What do you even mean by dominant voice possible?" She asked.
"I'm sure she just means intimidating." Aether commented, covering his mouth to hide the blush and snickering. Eula glared at him – which prompted the Traveler to stop snickering.
"Please~?" Amber begged. "I promise to take you out for dinner."
"Wooh! That's a deal!" Aether commented again, which prompted a slap from Barbara. "Don't make it weird for her." The deaconess scolded the Traveler.
Eula grits her teeth. She was using her; it has to be. But...the idea of having Amber in a dinner date...
"Fine!" She huffed. "I'll say your stupid line!" That got shit-eating grins out of the two of them. Barbara simply
"Ooh, make sure you get a dramatic start. Use the claymore." Aether suggested. Eula inwardly groaned; she was actually going to this. She turned around, showing her back to them to ready herself.
The knight brought out her claymore with grace before driving it towards the ground with an audible thud. She turned around, with vengeance in her eyes and said the line:
"A fighter dares to enter my domain~? You shall be punished by my hand. Ready yourself – for your doom."
She expected laughs from all three of them, to be humiliated from such an idiotic quote. What she didn't expect was Aether falling to the ground with a nosebleed. Barbara blinked, looking at Aether with worry as she went to help him up.
Amber meanwhile, took off her helmet and wiped her now sweaty forehead. There was an obvious blush on her face. "Shit...I'm in love." She said with a grin. Eula's face erupted into a blush and readied her sword for a swing at her.
"WHAT'S THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?!"
[#4 Can I Get...]
Wanmin Restaurant. A restaurant in Liyue that is known by many for its exotic and incredible food. Its owner, Chef Mao, is a renowned chef in his own right. But his daughter Xiangling is another story – with her odd tastes and her culinary skill, Xiangling made a name for herself in the culinary world.
Currently she was running the restaurant with Aether as assistant - since her father had to go out to restock their supply. While they were out serving customers, a strange woman went up to the counter. While Xiangling didn't recognize this woman's armor, Aether did. He had told Xiangling beforehand that a friend was coming over to order and he was going to introduce her via ordering a meal. The thing is, the Traveler didn't know how the conversation will go – so he watched them from behind, unaware of the chaos to unfold.
"Hello, welcome to Wanmin Restaurant! How may I help you?" The chef greeted. What they both didn't expect was her response.
"YeAh, caN I get a muHfucken..." Amber said, startling Xiangling and making Aether suddenly snort to reel in his laughter. "UHHHHHHHHHHHHH...uHHHHHH" The dreadfully awful microphone was starting to get to him, while Xiangling stared at the odd customer with confusion.
"Latte?"
Xiangling's confusion grew as Aether burst into laughter in the kitchen. She refocused back on the customer. "I'm sorry, w-we don't sell...lattes here." She replied.
The helmeted woman looked appalled. "wHaT dO yoU mEan yOu Don'T sElL-" before she could finish, her mic suddenly cut out. Aether wheezed, clutching his chest in an attempt to breathe.
"I...we only sell dishes of different cuisines. Are you alright, miss?" Xiangling was starting to suspect that this was a prank, seeing that Aether was howling with laughter.
"Oh, my chest. It hurts so much!" The Traveler wheezed.
"JuSt gIvE mE a lAttE, eXtra CrEaM." Amber responded, the mic picking up a small breeze and creating an awful noise. Xiangling deadpanned, this was starting to get irritating now.
"Please, please, please!" Aether gasped for air as he stumbled over to the counter. "You can stop now! Too much, too muh-." He fell to the floor, laughing his ass off.
"I knew it was a bit much." Suddenly the woman's mic fixed itself. "Sorry about that. Aether wanted to introduce me this way."
"Oh." Xiangling looked down at Aether, before looking at the woman before giggling. "Maybe you could've used a less ear-shattering method next time?"
[#5 Pinged]
"I wonder what your old friends were like?"
Eula asked, as she and Amber sat down in their spot where they danced; hidden from the eyes of Mondstadt. Since they were on break, Eula thought it would be nice to learn more about Amber.
The Pilot suddenly snorted, holding in a giggle. The knight raised an eyebrow in confusion. "What is something that I said?"
"No, no." She giggled. "I just remembered something a friend of mine would do during breaks between missions. Her name is, uh, Vanessa. She's...an interesting person."
[Years ago...]
A younger Pilot Amber was busy scrolling through her phone given to her by Tai when she suddenly received a ping on her messaging app. She opened it – revealing to be an odd ping from her dear friend Vanessa. She deadpanned upon reading it.
A cat maid ping? Read it in ten seconds otherwise she must use "uwu" and switch her profile to a cat maid? To hell with that. She ignored the message and went on as usual.
Suddenly the door of her cabin room (as she was a ranking officer) burst open and the familiar voice of her friend spoke. "You didn't ping back."
"You can't read that in ten seconds." Amber turned her head with an annoyed look, calling her bluff. Vanessa didn't seem to affected and urged her on. "Do it."
"No."
"I read it in ten seconds." She boasted. "So, yes you can. Now do what it says."
Amber rolled her eyes. "I already had someone draw a dakimakura with a twink version of me. Is that not enough?"
"Do it!" Vanessa held her ground. "I need cat maid Amber!"
"No."
"Yes!"
"Get Jack to draw it for you." She suggested. Despite being the successor of Tai's Pilot kit and BT, he can draw pretty good.
"He wouldn't let me~" She whined. "After drawing one lewd art, he didn't want to take any more requests." Both blushed at the memory of that. Turns out Jack was quite the talented artist.
"Sounds like a big load of NOT. MY. PROBLEM." Amber sassed.
"CHANGE INTO A CAT GIRL!" Vanessa yelled.
"NO!"
"YES!"
"You can't make me!" The Pilot crossed her arms.
"But I can annoy you until you do." The fellow officer answered smugly. "Now do it, fuckhead!"
"I'll just leave you on seen and mute you, so GET FUCKED." Amber gave her the finger for good measure. She was confident Vanessa would stop there.
Unfortunately, she didn't. "Oh, come on, you bitch! You can't silence the law!"
"I am the SASSIEST bitch. The law can SUCK MY DICK." Amber sassed in return.
"You don't even have a dick!"
"Fuck off!"
"You never ping back, nerd!"
"I don't care!"
"Well, I do!"
Amber grabbed the nearest pillow. "Too bad!" She threw it at Vanessa. "Get out of my room, you degenerate!"
Eula looked...confused. Nay, disturbed; at the story Amber told. The Pilot was giggling soon after. "God, that was so stupid..." She muttered.
"I...so you didn't turn into...cat girl?" The knight asked. Amber stopped giggling and answered her with no emotion. "No, why would I? It's stupid."
"I...I see." Eula turned away. It was stupid, sure. But what would a cat girl Amber look like. She wasn't a big fan of cats, but she did acknowledge they were cute. The thought of the Pilot with cat ears made her blush.
It was only made worse when Amber leaned into her and whispered. "Nya~" Eula yelped, moving a good foot away from her. She definitely didn't expect her doing that.
The Pilot laughed at her reaction. "Heh, got you good."
She was only met with a harsh slap to the face.
A/N: I am so, so sorry for the unfunny content. I promise I will provide the real Chapter 8 soon enough.
Although...you think I should expand characters on the next time I do this crap? Obviously, this isn't canon.
Peace. Happy April Fools.
- LNC3L0T