Chapter 3
A/N: Part three is coming in hot! This time, we are delving into a personal favorite: the "Evil Dead" series. This one features the charismatic Ash Williams, and I've set the time period as a few months after the events of "Army of Darkness". That should set the scene well for a possible meet and greet between our two heroes. Remember to leave a comment telling me how much you love/hate the chapter. Remember that I own nothing!
Ash took another puff from his joint as he drove down the highway. The Delta was having no trouble towing his recently purchased Airstream trailer, and that's why Ash loved it. Looking at the clock on the dashboard, Ash saw that he was making pretty good time. In fact, he would be at the trailer park in just a few hours. After that, he planned to spend his night with a beer in one hand and a blonde in the other.
Ash frowned and looked down at his right hand, or at least, where his right hand should have been. A rather disappointing stump was what he saw, and Ash realized with sorrow that unless learned how to juggle, he would have to choose between the blonde or the beer.
Thinking back, Ash remembered his old mechanized hand he made back in the middle ages. They had some good times together, but that bad boy was long gone now. After Ash had awoken from his 600-year nap, the metal gauntlet had been useless. Despite Ash not aging or decaying at all during the time he was asleep, his metal hand had been another story. When he had awoken, the hand had rusted beyond repair, and since Ash had no use for a 600-year-old paperweight, he had discarded it as scrap.
Now, he was back to one, his left hand, which was currently on the steering wheel of the Delta, leaving Ash with no other extremities available to entertain himself with. Ash sighed as he spent the rest of the ride contemplating whether we would take the blonde or the beer.
A few hours later, Ash pulled into the trailer park. The sun was just beginning to set behind the trees, and long shadows were cast on the rock as Ash maneuvered through the turns. The park itself was nestled comfortably in the woods, and as Ash pulled into his designated spot, he looked to his left and saw a big crowd of people beginning to form through the trees. They were about 100 yards away, but Ash could make out that most of them were young kids, roughly college or high-school age. From what Ash could see, the event itself looked to be some sort of massive concert.
Ash smiled.
"Jackpot," he said to himself as he parked the Delta. Ash was currently in high spirits, as he had finally arrived at the conclusion that he would be able to have the beer and the blonde at the same time, and a massive concert was the perfect place to acquire copious amounts of both.
Ash climbed out of his car, his duffel bag slung over his shoulder, and walked the short distance to the main office of the trailer park. Stepping inside, Ash saw that in addition to an old guy at the desk, there were several young party-goers milling about in the chairs and sofas that were placed around the office. Up close, Ash saw that they all were dressed in bright neon colors, as expected of teenagers about to enter a sexually-charged, drug-bountiful event just a short distance away.
Ash winked at a few of the cute girls as he sauntered up to the front desk.
"Hey pops, I'm in stall six, here for one night."
The old guy looked up at Ash. Then took out a pencil and began writing the information in a notebook.
"That'll be $50," the guy said tiredly.
"Hmmmmm," Ash said, rubbing his beautiful chin. "Here's the 411 daddio, I'm a little short in the cash department at the moment. You wouldn't happen to have any 'first-time discounts', would you?"
The guy stared back at Ash with a bored expression.
"Might wanna look into that then," Ash said as he begrudgingly reached into his duffel bag for his wallet. "It's basic marketing technique."
As Ash brought his wallet out, the Necronomicon caught on his hand and tumbled out onto the floor of the office.
"Ah crap," Ash said, bending over to pick up the book. That little leather-bound bastard was still giving him trouble after all of these years.
"Yo man! What's that?" one of the teenagers asked from behind Ash.
Standing up again, Ash turned around.
"What? This little shit?" Ash held up the book for emphasis. "It's called the Necronomicon, and it will permanently fuck up your life if you read any of it. Try to think of it like Herpes but in book form."
"What does it do?"
"Emanates evil," Ash replied with mock cheerfulness. "Summons demons, kills all of your friends, leaves the toilet seat up, you name it!"
Ash turned back around and pulled out a fifty-dollar bill.
"Keep the change," Ash said as he turned and left.
The desk guy flipped him the bird behind his back.
Walking back to the trailer, Ash opened the door and stepped inside. The new trailer smell filled his nostrils, and Ash breathed a sigh of contentment has he set down his bag and plopped down onto the bed. Outside, Ash could hear the crowd getting excited as the concert began to start. Electro-bass music boomed and slightly rattled the metal walls of the new trailer. That music was going to keep the entire trailer park awake all night, but Ash had no problem with that. None of his plans for the evening involved getting sleep.
Ash sat up and walked over to the fridge. Pulling out a beer, Ash cracked it open and began to get prepared for the night ahead. All 'getting ready' really meant was checking his hair in the mirror and putting on a splash of cologne. Satisfied with his minimal work on his appearance, Ash set his beer down and stepped outside to take a leak before heading over to the concert. After walking a short distance into the woods, Ash started whistling as he relieved himself, but then stopped when he heard a loud bang and saw a flash of blue light out of the corner of his eye.
Ash frowned and looked over in the direction he thought the light came from, but he couldn't see anything through the dense foliage.
After a few more seconds of searching, Ash shrugged and figured it must have been from the concert, even though the concert had been in the other direction. Whatever.
Ash exhaled and zipped up his pants. Turning on his heel, he started walking towards the direction of the concert, falling into a swagger that worked wonders on the ladies. Ash quickly stopped and turned back to the trailer after he realized that he had almost forgotten his beer. He couldn't forget that. That was one of the two b's he was going to have tonight. Ash chuckled to himself, but then frowned as he looked at the trailer.
The door was open. Had he left it that way? Ash struggled to remember if he had accidently forgotten to shut it before heading out. That question was immediately answered when he heard a voice from inside the trailer. It was a girl's voice, and she was speaking…Sumerian?
"Not good," Ash said as he rushed into the trailer. Inside, there was a girl sitting on his bed, one of those pretty girls form the office. Normally, Ash would've been overjoyed to see her on his bed, except this girl was currently reading a passage from the Necronomicon.
"Du shama, reh tay no!" She chanted. The wind began to blow outside, and in Ash's experience, that had never been a good sign.
"Hey! Stop!" Ash cried out as he rushed forward. He reached out to grab the book from her hands, but she finished the incantation just before he got to it. A burst of energy emanated from the Necronomicon, and Ash was thrown backward into the wall of the trailer.
Pulling himself up Ash looked at the girl as she started laughing.
"Yes! Yes!" she cried out.
"Uh…not yes!" Ash yelled at her. "Do you have any idea what you just did?!"
"Oh yes I do!" The girl cheerfully cried out. "I have awakened the Kandarian Demon, and soon, mankind will kneel before their new rulers! The world will be made whole again!"
"Oh great! Satanists!" Ash yelled, throwing his hands into the air. "Why is it always Satanists that have to ruin my good time?"
Ash suddenly went silent as he heard an all-too-familiar roar in the distance. It was coming. No, it was already here.
Ash looked back at the girl, but she was gone.
"Oh…shit balls," Ash said to himself. He made a beeline for his duffel bag, which contained all of his 'essentials'.
Ash reached inside and pulled out the Boomstick, briefly enjoying the sight of the sawed-off shotgun. It's cobalt blue steel finish and walnut stock always made Ash just a little bit happier when he saw it. Before he could reach back inside and pull out his other baby, the girl jumped from nowhere onto his back, screaming and wailing.
To call her a girl still would be a bit of a stretch, as her body had undergone a hideous transformation. Her eyes were now completely white with no pupils or iris to be seen, her skin bulged in places that skin should never bulge, and her face was now covered in wrinkles and blemishes, as though her own skin no longer fit her.
She was now…a Deadite.
Ash yelled and stood up wildly as the now possessed girl held tight to his back and tried to claw at his flesh. Ash bucked and heaved to try and shake the demon off, but her grip was like iron.
"Yeah, ride em cowboy!" the Deadite called out. A malicious grin appeared on its features.
"Time's up, kiddo!" Ash said as he rammed the Deadite against the wall of the trailer. The Deadite grunted in pain but still held on. Ash stepped forward, then threw his back into the wall again, attempting to squish the Deadite between himself and the wall of the trailer. The Deadite grunted again, but still managed to keep its hold on Ash's back.
Ash was about to try to ram it again when the sound of screeching metal pierced his eardrums. Looking wildly at the source of the noise. Ash realized that the Deadite had now released its grip on his back. Stumbling forward, Ash whirled around to see the Deadite failing about wildly in midair. Closer inspection revealed that an arm had punched through the wall of the trailer and was now holding the Deadite against the wall by the throat, thus suspending her in air. Ash looked at the arm that had pierced the wall of his new trailer and noticed that it appeared to be covered in green armor plating, seemingly a suit of some kind.
Ash was suddenly taken aback as the arm then heaved backward, pulling the Deadite through the wall in a chorus of screaming and metal grinding against itself. As a result of the Deadite being pulled through, a sizeable chunk from the side of Ash's brand-new trailer came through with it.
"Aw man!" Ash yelled. "Now I gotta fix that!"
Grumbling, Ash ran over to his duffel bag. Reaching inside, Ash pulled out his signature baby, the Homelite chainsaw. With a solid click and a snap, Ash locked the chainsaw into place on his stump. Home sweet home. Then with his free hand, Ash yanked hard on the pull cord, and the chainsaw sputtered a bit before roaring to life.
"Yeah!" Ash yelled with vigor before jumping through the man-sized hole in his trailer.
Once outside, Ash raised his chainsaw and shotgun, ready for a fight. What he saw instead was a figure rip the head clean off of the Deadite girl that had been tormenting Ash mere moments ago.
With his bare hands.
Ash stared in bewilderment at the figure. Who was this guy? Was he a demon? And why was he dressed in some sort of futuristic space-suit?
The figure discarded the now headless Deadite, his expression unreadable due to his helmet obstructing his features. Ash spoke up.
"Chief, I appreciate the help, but this situation could've gone a lot better, for me I mean."
Ash gestured to the metal hole in his trailer with his chainsaw hand.
The figure glanced at the hole, then turned his head in the direction of the concert. Ash turned as well. He heard it too. Screams, lots of them, and not the kind you normally hear at concerts. Ash slumped his shoulders as he realized just how many of them were probably Deadites already. And he had a shotgun and a chainsaw. Those odds weren't looking to good. Ah well, at least he had the astronaut over here to help him out. He was going to help right?
Turning back to the figure, Ash held up his shotgun and waved it a little bit.
"I don't suppose you got one of these, do ya spaceman?"
The figure looked back at Ash, then seemingly pulled a large double-barreled shotgun from nowhere. Ash's eyes widened at the sudden appearance of the weapon.
"That's…not bad," Ash said. "It's a good start, but you might need to get your hands dirty. Just sayin."
Ash shouldn't have been surprised as the figure then pulled out a chainsaw of his own, the motor running and idling patiently. Instead, he chose to be impressed.
"Groovy," Ash said with a smirk.
…
The scene at the concert was bloody. Most of the concert-goers were either lying dead on the floor or were shuffling along as Deadites. Some laughing manically while others were ripping limbs off of already dead corpses.
Suddenly, Ash burst through the tree line, yelling as loud as he could and revving the chainsaw. The armored figure ran along right next to him. The Deadites all looked up in surprise, and Ash grinned as he threw himself at the closest ones.
Brandishing his chainsaw, Ash shoved the weapon through the chest of his first unfortunate victim and heaved upward. The chainsaw caught and sprayed blood everywhere, and with one last heave, Ash forced the chainsaw up the Deadite's head and out of the top of its skull. The Deadite was now cut in half from the top of its skull to the sternum, and Ash stepped back as the body split and fell apart. Without hesitation Ash whirled around and shoved the barrel of the shotgun into the mouth of another Deadite and squeezed the trigger. The Deadite's head immediately vaporized as the shotgun fired.
"Yeah! How you holdin up, spaceman?" Ash called turning around to check on the armor-clad figure.
Ash was startled to see that in the time it had taken for him to kill two Deadites, the armored juggernaut had cleaved a massive hole in the crowd with his own chainsaw. His body count easily in the double digits.
"Holy shit…" Ash said under his breath. He was quickly pulled back to the situation at hand as Deadites began to swarm him. Quickly reloading his shotgun, Ash revved the chainsaw again.
"Let's dance!"
Over the course of the next few minutes, Ash and the mysterious armored figure fell into a rhythm of slaughter. Each finding their own pace as they smashed through the horde of former concert-goers.
At one point, the armored Deadite-killing machine had pulled out a fragmentation grenade and had tossed it into the ranks of Deadites. The resulting explosion had sent blood and body parts everywhere, and Ash had almost been hit by a flying arm in the process.
"Yo, Metal Guy! Toss me one of those grenades you got!" Ash called across the carnage.
Without so much as turning his head, the man pulled out another grenade and tossed sideways to Ash, who caught it gracefully.
"I'm gonna eat your limbs!" An approaching female Deadite yelled to Ash. She had blonde hair, and Ash almost lamented having to kill her. Almost.
With little hesitation, Ash stuffed the grenade into the screaming Deadite's mouth, pulled the pin, and kicked her backward into an oncoming crowd of undead.
"Dinner before dessert, babe!"
Then the Deadite exploded, the resulting blast sending any nearby Deadites flying as well.
"You coulda been a hell of a fling…" Ash mourned before charging back into the fray.
A few minutes, half the chainsaw's gas, and a whole lot of shotgun shells later. Ash stepped back and viewed his handiwork. Blood and guts saturated the field where the concert had been, and the sea of red glowed ominously in the light of the fires that had sprung up during the carnage.
Beside him, the armored figure (or Metal Guy, Ash was beginning to like that nickname) stomped on the heads of the remaining Deadites, preventing them from coming back for round two.
Ash had no idea how Metal Guy knew that the Deadite's head had to be removed to ensure its death, but he was glad to see that communication had not been necessary in that regard.
"Name's Ash by the way. Ash Williams."
Metal Guy looked over at Ash, then nodded his head once in acknowledgment before turning back to skull crushing.
"Not much of a talker, huh? Works well for me."
Ash then saw a shiny bit of metal sticking out from under a Deadite's headless corpse. Shifting the corpse to the side, Ash's mood perked up as he realized that it was a full can of beer. Completely unopened.
Despite the fact that the can itself was covered with dirt and blood, Ash wiped it off the best he could before cracking it open and taking a long swig.
He let out a contented sigh after bringing the beer down from his lips, and at that point, Metal Guy walked back over.
Ash frowned slightly.
"You look like you gotta be somewhere else, bucko."
Metal Guy nodded once.
"Well, I don't wanna keep ya. Besides, I should probably bail too." Ash surveyed the horror show around him. It was probably only a few more minutes before the cops showed up, and Ash wouldn't look very innocent covered in blood.
"So anyway, I guess I'll see you around then, Metal Guy," Ash said, raising his beer in a toast.
Metal Guy nodded once again, then reached up and gave Ash a thumbs up with his right hand. With a blue flash of light and a loud bang, Metal Guy was gone.
"Huh, so that's what that light was earlier," Ash said. That explained where the light had come from earlier when he had been squeezing the lemon in the woods. Ash thought he should've been surprised by Metal Guy's sudden appearance and disappearance like that, but in the end, Ash realized that he had seen much stranger things than that.
Shrugging his shoulders, Ash picked up his shotgun and began to walk back to the Delta, leaving the mutilated Deadite bodies behind him.
"Guess I'll have to put the blonde on hold tonight," Ash said with a sigh.