Disclaimer: Hawaii Five-0 and its characters do not belong to me.
A/N: Hi everyone! Thought I would start the year with posting a story. Happy new year guys and hope you enjoy this:)
...
"He's a kid. I promise you, Danny. You give him time. He's gonna grow up to hate you just as much as I do."
That was literally the breaking point for Danny. The words crashed into his chest with the force of a semi-truck, leaving him gasping for dear life. What made it worse was that the person driving the truck straight at him was his best friend. The person he trusted most in the world. The person he would willingly put his many fears aside for and even lay his life for. Hell, that was exactly what he had done approximately 96 hours ago. Pretending the doctor's words never existed, pretending he wasn't so darn afraid, he had given Steve a part of himself. Because it meant his friend would have a fighting chance. Because it meant he might have a slim chance of getting his best friend back. The person he trusted most in the world.
The hate in Steve's voice was evident, slicing into his flesh and embedding itself into his heart like a sharp blade. Except, Danny had no idea what he had done to deserve that hate. And he wasn't sure he wanted to know, not now at least. He was too tired and too much in pain to deal with the truth. The truth which he knew would hurt more than the physical wounds on his body. Still, he couldn't help wonder if it was something he had done. Did Steve really think it was his fault that he was on the wrong side of the plane when he was shot? Or was he just done with Danny? Have the years that passed really instilled in Steve a passionate hate for him, like he'd just implied? He didn't want to know so he did the only thing he could do. He pulled the curtain close, the only thing that could put some distance between him and his partner because at this moment, he wanted to be anywhere but in the same room as his partner.
Truth be told, he couldn't blame anyone. It was his own fault that Steve and him had ended up in the same room. If he hadn't insisted on seeing his partner after barely regaining consciousness, if he hadn't stayed vigil next to his partner, accompanied only by his silent tears and relentless prayers that Steve would wake up. That was after disobeying every doctor's order. If he hadn't been an idiot, removing the wires and IVs attached to him and sneaking out of his room in the middle of the night when Steve still hadn't woken up 12 hours after the surgery. If he hadn't collapsed on the ground next to his partner's bed just 12 hours after his life-saving surgery, no one would have suggested they shared a room. But at that point, his stubbornness had won out and his team and the doctors had thought it would help with both his and Steve's recovery if they shared a room together. And at the time, so did he. He thought he would be able to put his mind at ease if he could stay by Steve's side. Having his partner next to him 24/7 so he could ensure Steve was alright. Yet, reality was way different than he'd imagined and they had all been very wrong.
Steve's less than grateful attitude hurt, boring a hole in his chest. It honestly did. Really, he didn't need Steve thanking him. No, he didn't ask for any gratitude and he certainly didn't need Steve to worship him or hail him as a hero. Because he was no hero. And he of all people knew that best. If he were a hero, he would have prevented Steve from getting shot. If he were a hero, he wouldn't have had to crash land on the beach, risking introducing more injuries to his already almost dead partner. If he were a hero, he would have taken the bullet for Steve. But he hadn't done any of those things. He was no hero and he didn't need anyone including Steve to think that either. All he really, really, really needed was for Steve to be okay. For Steve to not reject the piece of himself he'd given to his partner. For the liver to grow in Steve's body and for him to heal. That was all Danny needed. Because every waking moment, the anxiety was killing him. Every single abnormal beep from Steve's monitors made his heart hitch and he couldn't stop worrying that at any given moment, he would lose his partner after all.
But maybe, a small, little, tiny, itty bitty part of him wanted Steve's acknowledgement of his sacrifice. Not so Steve would be indebted to him. No, never. That had not once crossed his mind. He never had the time to even think about that. Everything had happened at the speed of a bullet train. From Steve getting shot and standing at death's door to his decision to give Steve his liver, everything in between was a blur. It had just happened naturally for him. Steve needed a liver and his liver was perfect for his friend. What else was there to think about?
So, no he never needed Steve to be indebted to him. What he needed was Steve's acknowledgement so that his doofus of a partner knew just how much he really meant to him. So Steve would know that his life mattered, that he wasn't dispensable. That there was someone on this earth who wanted him home every day. And maybe then, just maybe, Steve would think twice before throwing himself headlong into what would be an undeniably stupid act and risking his life again. All Danny wanted was for Steve to know just how much he needed his partner to stay alive.
"You do know the curtain doesn't block out sound, right." Steve voiced, twisting the figurative knife where half his liver used to reside. Danny squeezed his eyes shut, willing that Steve wouldn't go on. He hadn't much energy left to argue with his partner. "I know you can still hear me." Steve continued, annoyance in his voice. Danny remained silent. He heard his partner huff in exasperation but he didn't say anything else. Thankfully.
Danny lay unmoving on his bed and ignored his friend. His eyes stung as he held the tears in. His heart clenched, Steve's words replaying itself over and over again in his pounding head. The urge to throw up was immense.
"He's gonna grow up to hate you just as much as I do." It shouldn't hurt as much as it did. Steve was joking, Danny told himself. But the small persistent voice in his rib planted a seed of doubt in him.
Honestly, Steve had been acting.. well for a lack of a better description, like a jerk, in the past few days. He'd been anything but kind towards his partner, and though that annoyed Danny, he ignored the taunts from his partner. He'd just been glad that Steve was alive to get on his nerves. Grateful beyond words that Steve did fight and come back to him. Even if Steve's actions hurt Danny, at the very least, Steve was still around, right? He had attributed Steve's jerk-like attitude to maybe the fact that he was trying to make things appear 'normal'. Or maybe it was pain and the medicine coursing through his veins that made his brain a little more wonky than usual. Danny had been okay with it all. He understood. He really did. But today, his friend had most definitely overstepped. Danny couldn't understand why Steve would ever utter such words and it filled him with inexplicable anguish that the thought even crossed Steve's mind. Steve knew just how much his kids meant to him and even if they were at each other, Steve knew to never involve his kids. But today, Steve had not just crossed that line. He had bulldozed all over it, leaving a ghastly wreckage which Danny wasn't sure he could ever recover from.
He turned to his left, looking away from the drawn curtain, a groan inevitably escaping his lips as he rested on his busted ribs. He immediately regretted his dumb decision as the pressure on his side triggered a spade of phlegmy cough. Fighting the nausea climbing up his throat, he awaited a snarky remark from his partner but was relieved when none came. Instead, he heard the volume of the TV increase, filling the room with the shrill voices of two female characters of the soap opera his partner was 'watching'.
Had Steve hated him so much so that he couldn't even stand a sound from him? A tear fell from his left eye, immediately soaking the pillow beneath his head. And suddenly, the tears which he had so skillfully held in for the past few days could no longer be stopped. The dam was finally broken. His chest ached from trying to avoid making a sound which proved to be harder than he could imagine. But there was no way he would let his partner hear him. So he buried his face into the pillow and silently sobbed, releasing his pent up worries, fears and sorrow.
…
"He's a kid. I promise you, Danny. You give him time. He's gonna grow up to hate you just as much as I do."
Steve regretted those words the very moment they left his lips but it. He knew he had gone too far when he saw the flash of hurt on Danny's face that Danny had either failed to or not bothered to hide. He watched as the curtain was quickly drawn, his partner muttering under his breath, "That's enough."
Sh*t. He should apologise. Taunting Danny about his kids was something he knew never to do. Ever. Especially when it was about Charlie. He knew just how much Danny had already blamed himself for missing out on Charlie's early years even if it was never his fault. Yet, the words had so easily slipped out today. He could blame it on the exhaustion from staying awake the whole day with the whole team coming to visit. Or he could conveniently use the cocktail of drugs coursing through his bloodstream that prevented him from thinking straight as an excuse. Danny would understand.
But if Steve wanted to be honest, he knew it was anger. It was anger that had made him act like a complete and utter jerk. He knew that he just needed something to direct his anger at and his partner was oh so conveniently in the line of fire, even if Danny should be the last person he lashed out at. And he, of all people knew it. Whether anyone would believe it or not, it didn't matter. But, never in a million years did he mean the words that still uncomfortably hung in the air with a rancid stench. For one, Charlie was never going to hate his father. And two, Steve did not have a speck of hate for his partner either. He hated what his partner had done, that was for sure. But no, he could never hate Danny. Danny meant too much to him.
"You do know the curtain doesn't block out sound, right? ...I know you can still hear me." He said, his shoddy attempt at an apology. When his partner didn't so much as throw a nasty retort at him, he decided to let it go. He could apologise tomorrow if Danny was still pissed.
He returned his attention to the TV as two women with outrageous make-up filled the screen arguing about something, he wasn't sure what nor did he care. The pang of guilt in his chest grew with the ever-deafening silence of the room which was only broken by the rhythmic beep of machines and the murmur from the TV. Maybe he should apologise now, after all, he had been the one to cross the line. The silliness and ridiculity of the matter was not lost on him. Why had he decided to pick a fight with Danny over a silly soap opera? He could have just turned on the game. But who was he kidding? The TV channel wasn't the issue.
With a deep sigh, he decided that he should probably stop acting like a child and apologize. He turned his head towards his partner whom he knew was hidden behind the curtain. He reached out for the curtain, moments from yanking it when he heard his partner groan, a painful cough following almost immediately.
The sound sliced through his gut where his deep-seated guilt reared its ugly head. How could Danny single-handedly make the decision? He had no right. No right at all.
No right to give him something that vital. He didn't think he deserved it. An internal organ was too much for him to accept. What if.. What if the day came that Danny needed the same from him? And what if he couldn't do it for Danny? That thought scared him endlessly from the moment he was told that he had a piece of Danny embedded in his gut. It plagued him, constantly swinging him between burgeoning guilt and unreasonable rage like a ceaseless pendulum.
Why did you do it? You shouldn't have.
His grip around the TV remote tightened as he increased the volume, just so he wouldn't hear his partner in pain. Because it reminded him of how much Danny had sacrificed for him. Reminded him that his partner was hurting and was all because of him. Danny was only lying next to him in the hospital bed, instead of being with his kids, because of him. Steve had vowed to himself to always keep his partner and his team safe, shocking, considering the crazy things he did. But he always, always acted in the best interest of his team members, to ensure they would get home everyday. But now, he was the reason, his partner was here, in pain. And that was something he couldn't yet come to terms with. He retreated his hands away from the curtain, fighting his every instinct that told him to ask if his partner was okay. He couldn't ask. Not because he didn't care about Danny. Oh, hell no. He cared too much. But he couldn't ask. Because he was afraid that the answer would be no.
What would he do then?
...
A/N: Hey guys, if you got to the end, thanks for reading! I know there are many many great fics out there related to the finale of season 6. But for some reason (you could call it boredom), I decided to write one too. Idk if anyone is interested to see more but really hope you've enjoyed this chapter! Thanks for reading:)