Disclaimer: Hawaii Five-0 and its characters do not belong to me.
...
"Thank you." He breathed.
Finally, he had said it. Those two words that he hadn't been able to express. He had finally managed to tell his partner. Those two words that had been too difficult to say, too insufficient to convey his feelings. Yet, evidently, those two words had meant the world to his partner. He looked into Danny's eyes, his heart shredded into pieces as he saw blank, desolate look in those hollowed electric blues, tears silently streaming down his partner's cheeks.
Swallowing the ever growing guilt in his chest, he inched closer towards his partner and gently enveloped Danny in his arms. One hand gently patting his partner's ruffled blonde hair, he whispered almost unsteadily. "Buddy, thank you. I should have said it earlier, should have said it a million times. I'm sorry. I'm sorry it took me this long to say it. I didn't think it would ever be enough so I never said it. But I want you to know now that I'm... I am truly grateful for your gift. Undeserving as I am to receive it. To have you in my life…. I am grateful for you.." He paused. "Brother."
Brother.
They were indeed bonded by blood now. A piece of Danny would be forever embedded in him and he had promised to take care of it and to stay alive. Just for his brother.
Danny's body lightly shuddered against his chest as his partner's soft, yet heart-breaking sobs tore his insides apart. He remained still, gently running his palm up and down his partner's back while promising himself that he would make things right.
To think he had made Danny doubt that he still wanted his partner. It had seemed ridiculous when Danny had asked him but maybe it wasn't all that far-fetched. With the way he had been treating his partner, the way the team had been relegating Danny to the side-lines, the way Danny had been made the easy punching bag for their (in hindsight) distasteful jokes, it was a wonder that Danny hadn't abandoned them already.
He couldn't change the past. But the future was in his hands. Come what may, he was going to ensure that his partner knew just how important he really was in his life. And how he was needed and more importantly, wanted. In his life and in the Ohana that they had built together. The Ohana that wouldn't and couldn't exist without Danny in it.
With Danny's muffled sobs against his shoulder slowly dying down to soft sniffles, he felt Danny's weight fully resting on him as his partner's hands limply slid down his back. He slowly peeled away from his partner, one hand delicately supporting Danny's neck as he was barely conscious enough to keep himself straight. He gently maneuvered his partner onto the bed, being careful not to hurt Danny.
Looking at his partner's face that was wrecked with lines of worry, he ran a finger on Danny's forehead in an attempt to smoothen the creases.
"I love you, Danno." He whispered.
Whether you hear me or not, I will make sure you see that I really do love you, buddy. I won't let you doubt your place in this team or as my partner ever again. I've always been on the receiving end of your effortless love, and now, it's time you received mine. Even if it would never match up to yours, I'll still try my very best.
He pulled up the covers till it covered half of Danny's torso before he took one last look at his friend. Content that his friend was sound asleep, he walked over to his bed and finally allowed himself to rest. Things were still far from fixed but he knew with time and effort, it could be fixed.
He grabbed his phone from the side table between their beds. A notification from Clara, Danny's mom. He clicked on the message, expecting her to ask about Danny's and his recovery. But it wasn't. He looked at his friend as each word of Clara's message sent shockwaves of hurt through his heart.
Danny, what are you doing?
…
He grabbed hold of the yoke, as though he knew what the h*ll to do with it. His friend has been shot multiple times. Steve was bleeding out. And yeah, now the plane was pilotless and going down. He scratched the back of his head, hoping by some miracle it would tell him what to do. Maybe even magically conjure up a genie that would grant him three wishes.
He turned to his partner who was thankfully still moaning incoherently but barely. His heart clenched as he saw that his partner's eyes had slid shut. "Steve..Steve, hey, hey stay with me. Don't you dare give up!" He tried to nudge his partner with his shoulder while keeping his hands on the yoke.
"I'm gonna die, Danny."
"Do not die, you stubborn SOB! Do not die!"
"I'm gon..na die.."
"Damn it, Steve! Open your eyes! Open your damn eyes! You are not dying today!"
Steve was going to die. He was going to die. They were both going to die. The plane was going to crash. They would all die! And it would all be his fault..
Again..
Just like all those times… With Billy, with Grace, with Meka, with…with Matty. Every single one of them had died because he hadn't been good enough for them. They had relied on him and every single time, he had failed each one of them. Now Steve was yet another one to add to the list.
I'm so sorry.. I will never be good enough...
The radio crackled, interrupting his futile thoughts that weren't exactly helping his situation at that moment. "Detective, based on the altitude, airspeed and fuel level, you'll never make it to the runway. Your best chance at survival is to put the plane down in the water."
In the water. The water he hated so much. Damn it, why did Hawaii have to have so much water! Looks like, this was how it would all end for Steve. And him.
With one last look towards his partner, the plane harshly collided with the surface of the water. In an instant, his world plummeted into suffocating darkness. He couldn't breathe. Water filled the small plane way too quickly. He should work fast, get himself and his partner out. He grabbed his friend's shirt, pulling himself closer to Steve to check for a pulse that the useless drug dealer couldn't even do.
Nothing…
He waited.
0ne.. two.. three.. four five.. six..
His trembling fingers searched desperately for even the faintest of thumping on his partner's neck.
Seven.. eight.. nine.. ten..
Still nothing. His partner was dead. Typical. Why had he expected anything different? He did always end up losing the people who relied on him.
He breathed whatever little air was left in the plane as water completely filled it. His mouth gaped involuntarily, trying to stay alive when he least deserved to. He gulped mouthfuls of water, filling his lungs to the brim till eventually, they stopped working.
He woke up gasping for air as though he had really been submerged underwater. His heart hammered in his chest, sweat dripping off his forehead. He pushed himself up, one hand clutching his chest while another held a deathly grip on the mattress.
He tried to breathe, his lungs craving for some respite.
Steve.
He turned to look at his partner. And it was at that exact moment that his friend stirred awake.
"Danny?"
He would answer except he was too busy having a panic attack.
"Danno! What's wrong?"
"Ugh," he groaned, his chest tightening again as Steve came over to his side. His partner's hand gently rubbing circles on his back seemed to help loosen that knot in his chest.
"Buddy, you alright? I got the nurse, just hold on, alright."
He blinked, nodding slightly as his lungs gradually began to work again, drawing in fresh oxygen into his blood.
"He had trouble breathing!" Steve spouted the moment the nurse entered the room, moving aside so she could access him.
"M'fine." He finally rasped.
This wasn't exactly abnormal as it was embarrassing. His sleep being interrupted by the taunting images of his partner dying, waking up breathless and in paralyzing fear. His sleep had been plagued by them almost daily since the wretched day 2 weeks ago. But he had been able to keep it hidden from his partner, handling it on his own. He just wasn't so lucky today.
"You're not. You don't sound fine. Nurse, is he okay?"
"Steve.." He cleared his throat. "I'm okay. I.. jus.. Trust me, I'm fine."
"After what happened, I can't just take your word for it." Steve turned to the nurse, again requesting her to check on him.
He stopped resisting at the finality of Steve's words. His partner wasn't about to let it go and he understood. If the roles were reversed, he would act exactly the way Steve did. So he leaned back in his bed, allowing the nurse to confirm his claim.
His breathing had calmed enough, his heart beating normally unlike moments ago when he thought he had again failed in saving yet another one of his friend. He closed his eyes as the nurse finished up checking him over and left the room. But even with eyes closed, he could feel Steve's presence next to him, eyes boring into him not quite discreetly.
"She said I'm fine. Go to sleep." He whispered without opening his eyes or turning to look at Steve who had planted himself on the seat next to his bed.
"You couldn't breathe." Steve said quietly. He knew his partner well enough to hear the fear in Steve's voice.
He looked at his partner, "I was just a little breathless. It's normal.."
Concern etched on every line on Steve's face. "Normal? Does Dr Cornett know? Is it because of the pneumonia? Your ribs hurt? Why didn't you say anything? How lo..
"It's. hey, hey.. it's not that.. I'm okay." He interrupted Steve's frenzied interrogation. "I'm fine." He said again, looking into Steve's eyes.
"Danny what's.. what's going on?"
"I..It was jus…" He breathed, staring at Steve's alive face which was the reminder he needed to tell him what it had been. A nightmare that had been stealing the peace from his nights. "You were dead.. I couldn't save you."
"Danny.."
"I couldn't save you. Again."
"What are you talking about?" Steve asked.
"I see you die every night. Each time I close my eyes, it's all I see."
"Danny..I'm right here. You saved me.."
"By sheer dumb luck." He muttered, his head hanging to the side in shame.
He had no idea how many times he had wished the bullets had been directed towards him instead. That they had lodged themselves in his body, not Steve's. That he had been the one bleeding out on the plane and fighting for his life because then luck would not have once come into play.
Steve would have known exactly what to do, his partner would have saved him without a single hesitation. But him? He had needed all the luck in the world. His voice had trembled as he spoke to the ATC, sweat had collected on his palms, making him grip the yoke even tighter so they wouldn't slip off and plunge all three of them to death. His heart was just about popping out of his chest and his brain second-guessing his decision the moment he uttered them. It hadn't been him that saved his partner, must have been the desperate prayers from Chin, Kono and Lou alongside one of Steve's nine lives.
"Buddy.. Danno, look at me." Steve coaxed, a hand squeezing his. "Look at me." Steve repeated and he finally looked at his partner again.
"Nothing about what you did was luck." Steve said. "You saved my life. That's it. From your decision to land the plane on the beach.. God, I still don't know what you were thinking.. But you were right, I wouldn't have made it out if you landed in the water. You would have but I would have drowned. You saved my life then, and then again with the liver."
He averted Steve's eyes. There was something he had tried to repress in the deepest crevice of his mind. When the ATC had told him to put the plane down in the water, he had resisted, wanting to save his best friend. But truth was he wasn't even sure if Steve...
"I didn't even know if you were still alive." He confessed. "When I.. when they told me to land in the water.. I didn't know.. I was too afraid to lift my hands off the wheel to check your pulse... And you weren't moving, or making a sound.. I was sure you were dead."
"If you thought.. if you thought I was dead then why didn't you.."
"I was… guess I was hoping it would actually be different this time." He breathed. He looked at his partner as the concern on Steve's face gradually morphed into a confused frown. "I've lost too many, you know.. All of them, Billy, Grace.. Matt.. I couldn't save them.. because.. well, I just wasn't enough.. You.. You, I was hoping.. it would be different."
"Danny..buddy.. listen to me." Steve breathed. "Hey, none of it was ever in your control, alright? Danny, come on you gotta know that..they didn't die because of you. And buddy.. you have to know that even if I had died, it wouldn't be for your lack of trying. The fact right now is.. I'm alive only because of you. Because you didn't give up on me. And because you.." Steve sighed. "Buddy, you did what you did.. because you.. you thought it'd be your fault if I had died? Danny you risked your life because.."
"I..I ju..I couldn't lose you. I don't want to. I don't know when, but somewhere between you constantly hijacking my car and our daily arguments, you became important to me. You thanked me for the liver..but really, Steve..that was the easy part.. I should actually thank you.." He said. "For staying alive… I wouldn't know what to do if you..too.."
And that was true. He just couldn't imagine it. This life without his control-freak partner.
"Hey… Danno, I wouldn't still be here if it wasn't for you. I promise, buddy.. I promise you, I'm not going anywhere."
He looked at his partner, eyes brimming. And just a little, he nodded.
"But you gotta promise me too." Steve said, frowning. The grip on his hand tightened. "You're not going anywhere without telling me… I know you booked a trip to Jersey."
"How di.."
"Clara..she told me, and good thing she did. She was worried about you traveling alone even though you told her.. rather lied to her that you were cleared by the doctor."
"I just.. I thought.."
"Whatever it is you thought, it's wrong. I know... with the way I've been acting, you probably should walk out on me, on the team..On us all. I deserve it if you want to leave.. But Danny..truth is I can't.. I can't lose you either. I want you here. By my side. I want to make things right again. Give me a chance? Buddy.. if you want to go back to Jersey, no problem. I'll... We'll do it together when we're both well enough to travel. Even bring Grace and Charlie along. Take a nice little break.."
"You're never coming to Jersey. You'll hate it. You'll hate every moment of it."
Steve nodded. "Yeah you're probably right.. I know I'll hate New Jersey so much. But I love you more, a whole lot more than that. I think I can handle a few days in New jersey for you."
He smiled, but almost immediately, the smile vanished. "You don't have to, you know. I told you there's no need to…"
"I know. But I want to." Steve said. "For as long as this liver stays in here, I'll do everything I can to show you how much I appreciate you. If it means going to Jersey, so be it. As long as you still want me by your side."
The way his partner looked at him, the softness in Steve's eyes and the slight curl of his lips, he just knew his partner meant it. He heaved a slow relieved sigh, the ache that had been plaguing his heart seemed to fully vacate his chest. "Always will. If you.."
"Always will, buddy. Always will."
…
Epilogue
Two weeks later…
The welcoming scent of the sea that he's missed so much put an instant smile on his face. Finally, he was home. More than a month in that hospital room was nearly enough to drive him absolutely insane. The only thing that had kept him sane? The little blonde next to him. The one that currently had his head firmly rested on his shoulder as they pulled up in his driveway.
"Danno, we're home. Come on wake up." He gently coaxed.
His partner grumbled softly beside him, eliciting a soft smile on his face.
"I'm gonna bring your bags inside first. You two can handle yourself?" Lou asked from the driver's seat.
Steve nodded while Danny was very slowly making his way to the land of the living. It was a wonder he still didn't seem to have enough sleep after all that time in the hospital.
"We're home, buddy." He said again when Danny finally got his eyes open.
"Umm.." He watched as his friend stretched his arms and rubbed his eyes. "We're here." Danny said, finally registering that they're home.
He opened the door and got off carefully, cradling his side which was at times still a little tender. Holding the door open, he waited as his partner got off, hand clutched on the same side of his torso.
"We're finally home." He smiled, looking at his friend. Except, there was a frown on Danny's sleep-washed face. "You okay?"
"Yeah.. just it's just... I don't get it.. I just don't.." Danny began and he knew exactly where this conversation was going.
"What is it that you still don't get, Danny?" He feigned.
"Why do I have to stay with you? I mean.. come on, there is no reason besides you wanting to torture me."
"Torture you? You're exaggerating, maybe." He smirked.
"No, no I don't think so."
"Are we doing this again? I thought we've settled it. You agreed to.."
"Begrudgingly, yes. But I still want to know.. why can't I go back to my own home?"
"Well.. I thought you would like this arrangement. You staying with me means you can make sure I don't do things I'm not supposed to do and I take all my meds when I'm supposed to and take care of my diet."
"Th..that is true. But! But it also makes it all the more suspicious. The you that I know will never willingly allow me to umm 'nanny' you." Danny spoke, finger waving every which way.
He blew out in defeat. "Danny. Fine, fine you're gonna make me say it? I'm worried about you, okay? Worried about leaving you alone without anyone around to make sure you're okay. And I know you. You're gonna overdo yourself the moment you have your kids over. I don't want that."
"Says the one who is more likely to overdo things."
"That's why it works out, right? We'll make sure we both take it easy for a few weeks."
He watched as his partner laughed, the lines radiating from Danny's eyes were one of his favourite sights. "You? Take it easy. Sure thing, buddy." Danny shrugged. "Fine, I'll stay here for 2 weeks max, just so I can keep an eye on you too."
"Two weeks it is!"
Lou poked a head back outside. "You two lovebirds alright there? Coming in anytime soon?"
"Yeah, yeah we're coming." Steve shouted.
He led his partner into his house where he knew the team and the rest of the Ohana were waiting. Cheers greeted them the moment tbe door opened. His living room had honestly never looked more colourful than it had at that moment. Kono really never did disappoint when it came to things like this.
He turned to his partner, a radiant, teary-eyed grin on Danny's face as his eyes fixed on the banner hanging from his ceiling.
'Thank you Super-DANNO and welcome home!'
"Wh..what's this?" Danny looked at him. "I thought they were all caught up with a case.. you knew?"
"Kinda."
"Kinda? It was his idea." Chin said. "And this might come as a shock to you. But.. Steve paid for everything." Chin whispered loud enough for everyone to hear.
"Everything?" Danny's eyes widened exaggeratedly.
"Hey..hey, I'm standing right here." He voiced. "Danny, I tried to get your kids here too but unfortunately, Rachel couldn't bring her flight forward. But she's sending them straight here when they get back in two days."
"Yeah? Th..thanks buddy. For.. umm everything."
"You deserve it all." And more.
"Are we just gonna stand around or something? I'm starving." Jerry yelled from where he was standing. Right next to the buffet table that was (where Dog, Kamekona and Flippa had also parked themselves).
"Alright big guy, you can dig in." Danny chuckled. "We should all!" Before he had even completed his sentence, the hyenas were loudly attacking the food like it would disappear at any moment.
Danny turned to him again, about to say something when Kono, Chin and Lou approached.
"Danny." Kono stepped forward and enveloped Danny in a hug. "I'm so glad you're both okay. That you're both home now. I love you, Danny. Thank you for being you. For being such a great friend always. Don't ever change, we love you the way you are." He heard their rookie say to his partner before she released him.
Chin squeezed Danny's shoulder. "That's right, Danny. Know that we're always Ohana. And if ever, we step out of line, you call us out on it. Because we never mean to. We love you."
Lou cleared his throat and placed a hand on Danny's back. "I came into this team not long ago, but you guys have really thought me the meaning of ohana in this short time. You especially, Danny. What you did for Steve, phew.. I don't even know what to say. But buddy, thank you, for willingly accepting me into the team, making me feel like a part of yall. I appreciate you, buddy."
"Wha...you guys trying to make me cry or something?" Danny asked, voice obviously wavering. "I love you guys too. But right now, maybe we should get over there before those hyenas finish up all the food, huh. Come on." Danny gestured towards the table.
Laughing and nodding in agreement, they walked over to the table, joining the rest of the Ohana.
Danny stopped and turned to look at him. He had hardly moved fron where he was standing by the door. He was just glad to see his Ohana in his living room again. To have the second shot in life that he had. Thanks to...
"You coming, Steve?" Danny voiced.
Thanks to his Danno...
He stepped towards his partner and wrapped Danny in a hug. He rested his head comfortably on Danny's shoulder.
You're more than I deserve, Danno.
"What's that? What did you say?" Danny asked.
"Hmm?" He was sure he hadn't said anything out loud.
"You said something? What did you say?"
"Just that I love you."
"Yeah.. me too."
He unravelled from the hug and looked into Danny's eyes. They crinkled in the way they always did when he was with his kids. When Danny was happy.
"You too what?" He asked teasingly.
He watched the exasperated eye roll from his partner. "I love you too, Steven McGarrett." Danny said before quickly walking away to join the rest of the team.
He smiled. The goofy smile that only Danny seemed to be able to get out of him. Sighing contentedly, his hand once again traced the outline of the L-shaped stitch on his side.
You're more than I deserve and I'll always remember that.
…
A/N: Hi everyone! Sorry for the late update. After 2 years of evading, Covid finally got me :( Been too lethargic to write or do anything really but finally got around to the last chapter of this story. I hope you guys enjoyed this last bit. Do let me know what you think and take care everyone!