Chapter Fourteen: Bonding
It was still early, leaving the prison quiet, the only sound coming from the walkers in the yard. Having woken to crying, when it didn't stop, I got up to check on Judith. Rick was still sleeping soundly and no one else had gotten up to take her. Knowing I shouldn't, I couldn't help myself. She was crying and I was awake. Softly moving to her crib, I picked her up, cradling her as I took her away from the others so they could sleep. Something told me that it was going to backfire on me when he woke up to find her gone. To make it worse, I was holding her outside of the prison, having told no one where I was or that I had the baby.
I suddenly regretted my decision, only then I looked down at her, taking in her smiling face. The moment passed and I simply swayed with her, smiling as I cooed back at her. "You are going to grow up so strong. You've got a great daddy and an amazing brother. Not to mention a family that will take excellent care of you." The sound of the walkers was loud in the quiet. "You are completely un-phased by all this." I said softly.
"Hey!" Rick yelled, making me jump and immediately pull her against my chest.
Letting out a breath, I relaxed, "Jesus, Rick."
"What do you think you're doing?" He shot at me, taking his child. She started to cry and he started to rock her a little too hard.
"For already having a child, you clearly don't remember how to take care of a baby." I frowned at him. "She was perfectly safe. She hadn't woken you up yet and I thought I'd let you sleep."
"I already asked you not to touch her." He shot back at me.
"I'm not the enemy, Rick. The sooner you see that, the sooner I can help you." I told him angrily.
"I never asked for your help."
"Doesn't mean you don't need it."
He just glared at me, "Stay away from my daughter."
"Judith." I told him. "Her name is Judith."
Not replying, he turned and walked away. Feeling annoyed and guilty, I crossed my arms, looking out over the yard. I shouldn't have picked her up, but she was a baby for god's sake. I never thought I'd see another baby in my life. Now that I had, I just wanted to hold her and protect her and take joy in the fact that happiness was attainable. Only then I couldn't help but think of her mother. Lori. She died bringing her into this world. Without hospitals and proper medical care, even the beauty of childbirth was a risk.
"Hey." Daryl said as he stepped out.
"You seem to always be around." I smirked at him.
"Gotta keep tabs on everyone." He replied.
Smiling, I shook my head, "Pretty sure that that is not your job." He just shrugged. "I don't think that man likes me much."
"He likes you just fine." He replied, making me raise a brow at him. "Considering."
"Liar." I smiled at him. He just shrugged.
Going back inside, Maggie handed me breakfast, smiling at me as if she already knew what I'd done. Raising a brow, I sighed, nodding at her. Glenn stepped next to her, offering me a smile. Maggie had become a quick favorite of mine and Glenn was the sweetest. He was doing his best to help with everything that was going on. I respected and admired that. They truly were a family. Supporting one another. Looking out for each other. Proven every time they were in the same room. Even now as everyone slowly started to gather, breakfast was being enjoyed despite the looming danger.
"We need more weapons than what we have." Rick was telling the group. "I'm going to go try and find some more. I'm taking Carl with me."
Raising a brow, Daryl nudged me. Frowning up at him, he nudged me again. Sighing, I took a step forward, "If you want help, I'll go with."
"I don't." He replied shortly. "But you can come along if you'd like."
"Michonne?" I said looking at her.
"Yeah." Rick interjected. "She's coming, too."
Turning to Daryl, I handed him my partially eaten breakfast. "If this blows up in my face, I'm blaming you."
He smirked and nodded. Turning to the cell they'd been letting me use, I grabbed my gun and knife, strapping the knife holster around my thigh before placing my gun in the back of my pants. Looking at Michonne, she had her sword, putting the strap over her head. Smiling and nodding at her, we both walked from the prison, waiting outside for Rick and Carl to come out.
"Are you sure about this?" She asked me.
"No." I told her and laughed lightly.
When Rick came out, he didn't even pause as he passed us, "Let's go."
Following him, I ended up falling in step with Carl, catching him looking up at me. Smiling down at him, he just walked faster. Clearly I'd made a huge impression on both of them. I only risked my life for them and they still held me at arm's length. Well, most of them did.
Going to a car, Rick got in the passenger seat, with Michonne sitting behind the wheel. Carl and I exchanged a look before we got into the back. Looking at the boy next to me, he was looking out the window. Sighing, I met Michonne's eyes in the rearview mirror. She raised a brow at me before starting us out.
Everyone was quiet, making it awkward, wanting to break it but unable to think of something to say that would actually start a conversation. I didn't feel much like divulging any information, so we were quiet. Even when we came across a hitchhiker on the road, we simply drove past him. Part of me felt bad for him and that I should advocate for him. But I didn't.
Coming across wreckage in the road, Michonne slowed to a stop, looking at a man who was pinned underneath a truck that was on its side. We all exchanged a look before she attempted to move again, only to have the tires spin, sinking into the mud.
"Great." I said and was about to open the door when the dead started to slam against it, making me instinctively put my arm in front of Carl.
He pushed my arm away from him, making me clear my throat and take it back. Looking at Rick, he pulled out his knife, getting me to nod at him. Rolling the window down just far enough, we all started to stab the walkers in the head. As soon as they were dead, I moved to get out of the car again, only to have Rick stop me.
"No." He told me. "Wait here."
"Wait for what, Rick?" I shot at him.
"Carl." He said and both of them got out of the car.
"Is this a man verses woman thing?" I called out to him. He just looked at me through the window. "Well, this is fun." I told Michonne.
"They can handle it." She replied.
"I know this sucks, but you could at least pretend to be a little happier."
"They may still kick us out, Linny." She told me. "Rick may still kick us out."
"He needs us." I replied. "Whether he realizes it or not, he needs us."
"You're giving him more credit than he deserves." She retorted.
"No." I replied. "I'm simply putting trust in him."
She sighed, "Maybe you shouldn't."
"That's not fair." I frowned at her. "His wife is dead. He's grieving. We both are familiar with that. We have to give him the benefit of the doubt."
"Yours is a lot fresher than mine, Linny. No one gave me the benefit of the doubt."
"I will." I told her. "When we lose someone – because you know we will – I'll give you the benefit of the doubt."
"You, too." She smiled at me over her shoulder.
I smiled back at her, "Thank you."
"Okay." Rick said patting the top of the car. "Let's go."
She lightly hit the gas, feeling traction before she drove out of the mud. Settling back into the backseat, Carl got in, looking at me with annoyance. Raising a brow at him, he just nodded and looked out the window. Rick motioned us forward and we were moving again.
Making it into town without anything else happening, it turned out that it was where Rick had lived before the outbreak. He had been a deputy. Driving to the Sherriff's station, we went in with bags for whatever guns we found. Going into the back where the armory was, we found the door ajar and the room was completely empty.
"This doesn't bode well." I stated, kicking around a shell on the floor.
"Are there any more?" Michonne asked.
"No." Rick stated.
Picking up a casing, I looked at Carl, getting him to look at me. Raising a brow at him, I tossed it at him. He caught it, smiling, before tossing it back. Grabbing a few more, I started to quickly toss them at him as he did the same. Ducking behind Rick, he did the same to Michonne, both of us blocked as we tossed them back and forth. About to throw another one, my wrist was grabbed and Rick pulled me from behind him. He raised a brow at me.
"Sorry." I told him sheepishly.
"I know a few places that might have a gun." He said and started to leave, though it was obvious that he was a bit discouraged.
Michonne punched my arm as we left, "What?" I asked her.
"That's not helping." She replied.
"It's helping me with Carl." I smirked at her. "And we all need to learn to have a little fun."
"Now's not really the time."
"Too bad. I'm gonna have a little fun regardless." I told her.
She sighed and hit me again, making me laugh and follow at the rear, looking over my shoulder, just in case something was following us. The building was clear but there was always a constant fear that a walker would be right behind you. Too often they appeared out of nowhere and it was too easy to become reckless. That's how people got killed.
Walking into town, it was as quiet as every other town I'd come across. That earie feeling that you were being watched. More often than not you were being watched by the dead. At time you were being watching by the living. More often than not, being watched by the dead was better than finding people. Though, sometimes it wasn't. My eyes drifted to Rick and Carl and I knew that sometimes people were better. They were good people. They were better.
My steps slowed as we passed some building ruins, inside of it there was a pile of burned bodies. I didn't like it. There was writing on the walls. Clear. What the fuck did that mean? There were even arrows on the ground. Coming round a corner, we all slowed, taking in the eelaborate booby-traps that someone had put up. Spears were jutting out everywhere, meant to skewer walkers, luring them in with distractions and sound.
"Looks like somebody already made this theirs." Michonne stated.
"Doesn't mean they found what we're looking for. Couple of the places are just up ahead. Let's get in and get the hell out of here." Rick stated.
"This doesn't seem like a bad idea to you?" I asked, reluctantly following them.
Rick looked at me but didn't say anything. We kept moving, attempting not to bump into anything.
"There. Tyrell's." Rick told us. "A shotgun and two handguns. License issued to Tyrell Debbs."
Hearing something, Carl pointed out a walker that was following us. Michonne moved to take care of it but Rick stopped her. "Wait. She'll get caught."
Watching, the walker came closer and we got to see the effectiveness of the booby-trap. She had skewered herself onto one of the spears. Only in the next second there was a gunshot, hitting her in the head. We were immediately running, my hand gripping Carl's shoulder, pulling him against me.
"Hands!" A man yelled, appearing on the rooftop with a gun pointed at us. We stopped and showed him our hands, though one of mine remained on Carl's shoulder. "Now you drop what you got and you go. Your guns, your shoes, and that sword. All of it. 10 seconds."
"Run for the car now." Rick told us.
"And leave you?" I frowned at him.
"10…" The man said.
"Dad."
"We need that rifle." Michonne added.
"…nine, eight…"
"I think I can get up there."
"You think?" I shot at her.
"…seven…six…"
"Carl, go." Rick told him, then met my eyes.
Nodding, I gripped Carl's shoulder harder as we moved, Rick returning fire as we moved for cover. Silence once again filled the street. Rick stepped away, looking around before looking up at the roof. He met my eyes again, shaking his head. Sighing, I felt anxious, keeping Carl against me.
"I'm fine." He said attempting to break away from me.
"Too bad." I said gripping him tighter.
In the next moment the man was in the street, shooting at Rick.
"Rick!" I yelled, pulling my gun free, ready to lie down cover fire. Only then there was another shot, hitting the man in the chest at close range. "Carl!" Rushing to him, I took his shoulder, making him face me. "What were you thinking?" I shot at him.
"I had it under control." He told me.
Rick put his hand against his son's shoulder, "You okay?"
"Yeah."
"I told you to run for the car. I didn't want you to have to do that."
"I had to." He replied.
"Next time listen to your dad." I shot at the kid.
"I don't have to listen to you." He told me.
My jaw clenched and I was ready to ream the kid out, but I didn't get the chance to.
"She's right." Rick told him. "And don't talk to her like that."
"Thank you." I told Rick, still frowning at his kid.
Rick bent down, checking the man, "He's wearing body armor. He's alive."
"Do we care?" Michonne asked.
It was a good question. Stepping up behind Rick, he took the helmet off of the man. It was obvious that he knew him.
"Yeah." He replied.
Looking around, there was an entrance nearby. He pointed to it. Nodding, I was already at the man's other side.
"Keep an eye out for booby-traps. Looks like he's gotten pretty creative so far."
"I thought we were just gonna get in and get the hell out of here." Michonne frowned.
"Michonne." I frowned up at her.
"I'm not leaving him on the street." Rick told her.
"Look, I know you said he helped you –"
"He saved my life." He shot at her. "He wasn't like this then."
"When did you say that?" I frowned.
"Linny." He said with annoyance.
"Why do you always say my name like I'm one of your kids?" I shot at him.
"I'm sorry." He told me. "Okay? Jesus, he has a son."
Michonne looked at the building, "You think he's in there?"
Rick moved forward, thinking and assessing what to do next. He looked at me, motioning toward the man again. Michonne played looked out, stopping us from stepping on the welcome mat. She pulled it back, showing barbed wire underneath it. Looking at Rick, he took a deep breath before we started up the stairs. Michonne went up first stopping us again as she discovered a trip wire at the top of them. Looking up, I saw the axe that would have hit us if she hadn't stopped us.
"Rick?" I said.
"Linny?" He replied.
"If I get axed, I'm going to turn and bite you."
"Fair enough." He smirked at me.
We slowly moved over the wire and into the space. Moving into a living room, my jaw dropped as we took in the weapon store that this guy had built. Carrying him to the cot he had, we laid him down as gently as possible before Rick zip-tied his wrists and ankles.
"Jesus." I said looking around.
"I showed him that weapons locker last year."
"And it had all of this in it?" Michonne asked.
"No, not even half. He's been busy."
Grabbing bags, Michonne, Carl, and I started to load up bags with as many weapons as we could. Not just guns but grenades and smoke bombs. I made sure to grab arrows for Daryl. He had everything here. This was amazing. This was everything we would need to fight the Governor.
Smiling, I was going to say something to Rick when I saw him looking at the walls. Slowly moving toward him, there was writing all over it, the word CLEAR written over and over and over again. Other words that didn't make sense. It looked like gibberish. Moving closer, Rick was standing in front of one of the few things that did make sense. DUANE TURNED. He stared for a long moment before he moved to a chest, opening it, rummaging around before he pulled out a radio. It was obvious that it triggered something in him.
"Rick?" I said softly.
"We're gonna wait for him to wake up. Make sure he's okay." He told us.
"He tried to kill us." Michonne frowned.
"He told us to go. He didn't know who we were."
"He tried to kill us and we didn't leave him for the walkers. He's had a good day. He doesn't need half of these guns. We do."
"We're waiting for him to wake up. That's it." Rick stated.
"Have you taken a look around this place? The axe, the spikes, the walls."
"You think he's crazy?"
"No. I think he's dangerous."
"Michonne." I said not wanting her to take it too far.
"I know him. He wasn't like this then."
"He already said we're waiting for him to wake up." I told her. "So we wait."
She frowned at me, but nodded. Stepping up to her, I sighed, glancing at Rick and Carl. They were standing in front of a well-drawn map that the man had made with chalk. It was the entire town. He really had been busy.
"Wouldn't you want to wait if it was someone you knew?" I asked her.
"I left my person behind and I got you." She told me. "I don't think I'd wait. I think I'd run before something worse happened."
I nodded, "I know. I can't say I'd wait either. But Rick clearly knows him and is connected to him. Something has been triggered and we need to let him go through it."
"I'm not arguing." She stated.
"Yet." I smirked.
Picking up a box of cereal, she motioned it toward me. Smiling, I was overly excited about it, taking a handful before she sat down and started to eat it.
"We're eating his food now?" Rick frowned at us.
Michonne shrugged, "The mat said welcome."
Laughing, I was about to make a comment but then Carl interrupted.
"I'm going on a run."
Rick frowned at him, "Where?"
"I thought maybe the one thing people didn't loot was cribs and there's that baby place that Mom's friend Sara ran. It's just around the corner." He replied.
"Carl."
"Dad, it's just around the corner. And there's all those walker traps."
"You're gonna need some help carrying the box." Michonne told him.
"What?"
"If you're gonna get a crib, you have to get the box. It's big and heavy. You're gonna need help carrying the box. You are getting a crib, right?"
"That's what I said."
"Then I'll go with him."
"Right there, that's the deal." Rick told him, getting a nod in response. "You get into trouble, you holler, okay? I'll hear it from here."
"Okay."
I stepped up to Michonne, "Be careful."
"I will."
"Both of you." I added, looking at Carl.
"I will." He said with annoyance before they both left.
"You didn't want to go with them?" Rick stated.
"If I did than who would look after you?" I smirked back at him. He scoffed, smirked, and nodded. "I clearly missed the story with this guy. Care to tell me again?"
"His name is Morgan. He saved me. He was the first person I saw when I woke up."
"Woke up?" I asked.
"I was in a coma after suffering a gunshot wound while on the job."
"Deputy, right?" I asked as we both moved around the apartment. He nodded. Laughing lightly, I smiled at him, "That makes sense."
He smirked, "Yeah." We kept looking until he broke the silence. "What about you?"
"What about me?"
"What's your story?" He asked.
Looking at him, meeting his eyes, I smiled, averting my eyes, "Not yet."
He nodded, "Okay."
"Thank you." I told him.
"For what?" He asked.
I smiled at him, "For not pushing."
He smiled, still looking at the home Morgan had created. "I'm sorry this happened to you." He told his friend.
"You'll fix it." I told him, stepping next to him.
He met my eyes, both of us smiling before there was a sound. Rick frowned, both of us turning, only to break apart as Morgan lunged at us. He backhanded me before attacking Rick. He swiftly defended himself, letting him fall to the ground.
"Do you know who I am?" Rick asked him. "Do you see who I am?"
"People wearing dead people's faces!" Morgan yelled attacking him again.
Rick forced him down, "Morgan, listen to me."
"No, I don't know you!"
"You do know me."
"I don't know you!"
He got up and lunged at Rick, a knife in hand, only I stepped in between them, taking the hit. Pain ran across my shoulder, though in the next second, Morgan was forced off of me, Rick spinning him into the wall.
"You saved my life, Morgan. You know me. Look at me." Rick told him.
Morgan hit him, shoving him away, making him fall onto his back. Rushing forward, I shoved Morgan out of the way, stepping in front of Rick. Morgan cried out and attacked me, his knife slashing toward me, leaning out of his way; he punched me, feeling pain against my side before he shoved me away from him. Then he was on top of Rick, attempting to stab him.
"You don't clear, man. You turn. You just die." Morgan was telling him.
Rick tried again, "You know me!"
"I don't know anyone anymore! You don't clear!"
Then his knife was in Rick's shoulder. Rushing forward, I kicked him in the face as hard as I could, forcing him off of Rick.
"Rick." I said kneeling next to him.
He gripped my shoulder as I pulled the knife out. He got to his feet, aiming his gun at Morgan. "You know me. You know me. You crazy son of a bitch."
"Please. Please kill me." Morgan told him with tears in his eyes.
Looking at Rick, I grabbed rope, once again tying Morgan's hands behind his back. As soon as it was done, I stepped away from him, shaking slightly as adrenaline coursed through me. Looking at Rick, I sighed, stepping up to him. He didn't say anything as I moved his shirt taking in the stab wound.
"Take this off." I told him, gently tugging on his shirt. He nodded while I found a first aid kit. Going back to him, he was struggling, only making it about halfway. "Here, let me help you." I told him.
Gently gripping the fabric, I couldn't help the grazing of flesh, my fingers running along the muscles of his shoulders. Not hating it, my cheeks flushed as I gently gripped him, pulling his shirt off of his wounded arm without moving his shoulder.
"Sit." I told him gently.
Rick was glaring at Morgan. "He's a completely different person."
"Can you blame him?" I asked with a smile. He looked up at me. "He lost his son, Rick. He's broken. You can understand that."
He nodded, wincing as I started to clean the wound. Using the alcohol, he handled it well, not making a sound as I cleaned in and around the wound. Bending over, I nonchalantly gripped his good shoulder, straightening with the gauze in my hands. Meeting his eyes, he cleared his throat, averting them from mine.
"Thank you." He said softly.
"You're welcome." I told him. "There." I added making sure the bandage was secure, running my hand along his chest, smoothing it out. "All done."
"You're turn." He said standing up, putting his shirt back on.
I waved him off, "I'm fine."
"Linny." He frowned.
We both looked at Morgan who was muttering to himself.
"He needs more help than I do." I told him. Only then I froze as I felt his fingers against the base of my shirt. "Rick."
"You showed me more the first time I met you." He smirked.
Smiling, I nodded, pulling my shirt over my head. I couldn't help but shudder as I felt his fingers run along the slash on my back. My hand moved to my side, covering the wound there as he dealt with the first. He didn't say a word while he cleaned it. His touch gentle. He poured the antiseptic over it, making me flinch. I only allowed the one before keeping just as silent as he had despite the pain that was pulsing through my back. Then he bent over, his fingers moving to my side, his touch making me jump a little, my skin tingling.
"You okay?" He asked.
"Yeah." I told him, putting my hand against his back as he prodded it. "Mmm."
"Sorry." He told me as he started to gently clean it.
"It's fine." I told him, holding my breath.
Groaning a little as he pressed the bandage across it, unintentionally gripping him tighter, his thumb brushed it before he straightened. I let my breath out, smiling at him. He gently took my face in his hands, his thumb touching a cut against my brow.
"You'll be okay." He told me matter-of-factly.
Smiling, I tilted my head at him, "That's a relief. I was starting to think I was a goner."
He chuckled, helping me back into my shirt. As soon as it was in place, he put his hand against my arm before he turned back to Morgan. Putting my hand against my side, I stayed close to him, just in case Morgan attempted anything else. The man was completely defeated. I could understand why but this…this was different. He was going mad.
"Just kill me. Just kill me. Just kill me. Just – just kill me." Morgan kept repeating.
"You found me last year in my front yard, Morgan. You and – you found me. You fed me. You told me what's happening. You saved me. My name is Rick Grimes. You know me. I'm not wearing a dead man's face." He picked up the radio, showing it to him. "I gave you this. I said I'd turn it on every day at dawn do you could find me."
Realization finally started to cross Morgan's face. "Rick?" He frowned. "I know you. Oh, man. Damn it, I – I know you. I know who you are." He told him, making relief cross Rick's face. "You said you'd turn yours on at dawn. That's what you said. I mean, I hadn't worked up to it yet, and – then I did. On the roof every morning for days." He said, going back there. "For weeks, me and my boy. And then…me. Just static, though. Nothing but static. And then nothing but nothing. You weren't there. You were never there."
I could feel emotion creeping in.
"I was." Rick told him.
"No, not when I tried. I mean, you said you would turn on your radio every day at dawn."
"Morgan, I –" Rick started.
"You said that you would turn on your radio…"
"I did!"
"…every day at dawn and you were not there!"
My nose was pricking with trying to keep everything in. Rick was clearly hurt by his words. Squatting next to him, I put my hand on his shoulder, looking at Morgan, I felt so goddamn bad for him. He needed Rick and he wasn't there. So could I really trust him? Was he as good that I thought he was?
"Rick." I said softly.
"I kept getting – I kept getting pushed farther out. I had to. I didn't have a choice. I found my wife and my boy. I had people. I had to keep them safe." Rick tried to explain. "We kept getting pushed back deeper into the country. I swear to God I didn't have a choice."
"You can have your radio back 'cause it looks like I finally found you. You found your wife and your son. That's what happened, right? You found them." He said looking at him with disappointment. Rick nodded. "And did they – did she – did your wife – did she turn?"
"No, she died." Rick replied. Squeezing his shoulder, he looked at me.
"So you didn't have to see that, then. Of course not." Morgan said and chuckled. "Not like me." Then he laughed. It was not a kind laugh. It was a laugh of someone who had seen too much. "No. Not like me. Not like my wife. You remember what happed to her? You remember what she was? Yeah. Oh. You gave me the gun. You tried."
"What did I try, Morgan?" He asked him. "What did I try?"
"You tried to get me to do it 'cause I was supposed to do it." Morgan replied. "I was supposed to kill her, my Jenny. Knew I was supposed to, but I let it go. Let it go like there wasn't gonna be a reckoning." He said and paused. The first tear fell down my cheek and I stood, pacing away from them. I didn't want to listen to his story. At the same time I couldn't turn away. "We was always looking for food. You know, it always came down to food. And I was – I was checking out a cellar and I didn't want Duane to come down there with me. And then when I came up…she was standing there right in front of him and he had his gun up and he couldn't do it." He went on.
"Jesus." I said moving back toward them. I wanted so badly to reach out to him. But I didn't know this man. I was simply familiar with his pain.
"So I called to him and he turned. And then she was just – just on him. And I see red. I see red. Everything is red. Everything I see is red. And I do it. Finally. Finally was too late. I was supposed to. I was selfish. I was weak. You gave me the gun. Hey, your boy – is he dead?
"No."
"No? He will be. See, 'cause people like you, the good people, they always die. And the bad people do, too. But the weak people, the people like me…we have inherited the earth."
Tears were streaming and I had to get away from him. Going into the next room, I paced before going to the wall, sliding my back down it, screaming into my hands to muffle the sound. There was nothing left of Ben and Hannah to allow them to turn. I didn't have to see that. But I'd seen the change. I'd seen the first bite, the dying, the turning…I'd seen it all. I knew what Morgan had seen. I could clearly imagine what Morgan had gone through. He saw his family with dead eyes, hungry for his flesh. I'd seen that. But I hadn't had to hear it or think about it for a long time. Only now all those thoughts and feelings came crashing back…it was too much. No one should have to go through it. No one should have to see it. But he went through it. He had to see it. No wonder he was broken. No wonder he was the way he was. Who wouldn't be after something like that? The woman he loved. His child. Both bitten and turned…
"Caroline?" Rick said appearing several minutes later.
My eyes were burning and puffy, snot still falling from my nose, saliva making my mouth feel sticky. Swallowing, wiping my nose against my wrist, I looked up at him. He furrowed his brows, sitting next to me, his arm brushing mine.
"Don't ask me, Rick." I whispered to him. "I can't. Not yet." I added, my nose stinging again. "I can't – not after hearing –" I said before meeting his eyes. "Not yet."
"I wasn't going to ask." He told me, reaching his hand over and putting it against my arm. "I wasn't going to say anything."
Nodding, the tears started to flow and I felt like I'd lost them all over again. All of them. This world was going to kill us. Maybe not right away, but it was going to take us eventually. One by one. Pain and loss. Hopes dashed. What was the point? I felt like I did back in the woods, curled up and ready to die. What was the point of all this suffering when there was nothing we could do about it?
"It's gonna be okay." He told me kindly.
"You don't know that." I said shaking my head, wiping my nose against my wrist again. "You don't know that, Rick."
"I've gotta believe it or I'll end up just like him. So will you." He replied.
Laughing lightly, I met his eyes, "I'm already there, Rick. I may not seem as crazy as he does, but I'm there."
"You willingly put yourself in danger to protect me." He stated.
I nodded, "Yeah."
"Why?"
Meeting his eyes again, I sighed, "Because I care."
He smiled and nodded, "You're not there yet, Linny."
"How do you know?"
"Because I'm not either." He replied.
Taking a deep breath, I let it out slowly, putting my hand over his. "Thank you."
"You're welcome." He nodded and got up. "Now come on."
Smiling, I took his hands as he offered them to me, letting him help me to my feet. We walked into the other room, once again taking in Morgan. Rick stepped up to him; he had a look as if he'd decided something.
"I'm not gonna kill you." He told him. "I don't think that's what supposed to happen. I think you're supposed to come back with us."
Morgan laughed as Rick cut him free, "After all that? After me trying to blow your head off, stab your heart out, happily ever after together?"
"You couldn't kill me, I couldn't kill you. I'll take that as a sign."
"What about her?" He asked. "I was going to kill her too."
"But she didn't kill you. Another sign."
"Huh." He replied.
"We found a prison." Rick told him. "The fences can keep 'em out."
"Is that where your wife died?" He asked. Rick's look gave his answer. "Just go. Don't go back. Don't stop. Just get yourself some more time."
"Look, I can help you. You can come back with us. You can heal."
"You're taking a lot of guns, Rick." Morgan stated. "No, I'm just saying that that all is a lot of guns. Why do you need the guns, Rick? 'Cause if you got something good, that just means that there's someone who wants to take it. And that is what is happening, right?"
"We're gonna win." Rick told him with certainty, only to get a chuckle in return. "You can be there. You can help."
"You will be torn apart by teeth or bullets. You and your boy. Her. Your people, but not me. Because I am not gonna watch that happen again. Man, you take the guns."
"You know there's a chance. That's what you can't square. That's what hurts. You know there's a chance."
"I don't think you heard a damn word that I said."
"He did." I frowned. "We both did."
Rick nodded at me before looking at Morgan. "We both started out in the same place. Things went bad for you, things went bad for me. But you're not seeing things right. I don't blame you, what you've lost, what you've been through. You're not seeing things right, but you can come back from this, I know you can. You have to. This can't be it. It can't be. You got to be able to come back from this."
He said it like he was trying to convince himself as well as him. I couldn't blame him. Hell, even I wanted to be convinced.
"No."
"Morgan, please."
"No! I have to clear. That's why I didn't die today. That's the sign. I have to, man. I have to. I have to clear."
His mind was set. There was going to be no changing it. Not right now. But we knew where to find him if Rick wanted to try again. I wanted to believe that he could come back from this. I wanted to believe it for myself. I may not wish for death as much as I used to, if at all, but I couldn't say that I'd healed, that I wasn't still grieving. I was and I had no idea when that feeling was going to go away.
Looking at Rick, I sighed and started to pack a bag with guns. He nodded and started to help me, grabbing anything that would fit inside of it. Morgan didn't say anything; he simply left the apartment, going down to the street. As soon as the bag was packed, I walked to the window, seeing him already starting to clear.
"He made his choice." Rick told me.
"I know." I replied stepping back up to him. "I'm not arguing with you or with him. I only wish there was something we could do." Then I looked off in the distance, adding softly, "I know where he is."
There was a pause before Rick put his hand against my shoulder, "He'll be okay. We all will."
Pretending as if nothing happened, I smiled at him, "Things are definitely looking better with all these guns."
He frowned at me, but didn't ask anything, he simply nodded. "Like I said, we're gonna win."
"I know." I smiled.
"Let's go." He said and we made our way carefully down to the street.
Looking up and down the street, there was still no sign of Michonne and Carl. Putting the bag by the door, we both leaned against the wall, watching Morgan work. He wouldn't even look at us.
"Should we be concerned?" I asked him, staring down the road.
"Not yet." Rick told me.
"I'll go look for them." I said and started to walk.
Rick gripped my wrist, stopping me, and gently pulled me backward. Sighing, I met his eyes, "Let's give them a few more minutes."
Sighing, I crossed my arms, standing in front of him, "Fine."
He smiled, "They'll be okay."
"I know." I shot at him. "Michonne is trustworthy. She won't let anything happen to Carl."
"I know."
"Unlike leaving you with me." I added and raised my brow. He just smiled at me. "What?" I frowned.
"I can take care of myself. I don't need your protection." He told me.
"Not the point." I replied.
He smiled again, "I appreciate the effort."
Smiling, there was the sound of steps, looking to see Michonne and Carl.
"It's about damn time." I told them. "You found one." I smiled as I saw the crib they were carrying.
"Hey. We were just about to look for you." Rick added.
"Sorry." Carl told him.
"It's all right. You're here now." Rick replied, seeing Carl look at his shoulder. "Oh, it's nothing."
"You okay?" Michonne asked me.
I nodded, "Yeah." She raised a brow at me. I smiled at her, "Later."
"What's later?" Carl asked.
"Nothing." I said tapping the rim of his hat.
"He's okay." Michonne said looking at Morgan.
"No. He's not." Rick replied and looked at me.
Nodding, I picked up one of the bags, Rick taking the other and we started toward the car.
"Hey, wait." Carl told us. "Hey!" He called to Morgan.
"Carl." Rick said trying to stop him.
"Leave him alone." I told him gently.
Carl looked up at me before calling out to him again, "Morgan. I had to shoot you. You know I had to, right? I'm sorry." Then we started out again.
"Hey, son." Morgan called. "Don't ever be sorry."
Going to the car, I handed the bag to Rick when he reached out for it, hardly looking at him as I kept my eyes in Morgan's direction.
"Everything okay with her?" I heard Rick ask Carl.
"I think she might be one of us."
"What?"
"Everything went okay."
"Hop in. I'll throw this in the back."
Looking at Rick, he looked back at me, nodding. Smiling, I nodded back at him. Then Michonne appeared with the other bags of guns and a crossbow.
"You see something?" She asked him. Sighing, I averted my eyes, knowing the answer to that. "I know you see things. People. I used to talk to my dead boyfriend. It happens."
"What about Linny?" He asked softly.
I pretended not to be listening, far enough away from them to pull it off.
"She's been through something. She gets it." Michonne replied.
There was a pause before Rick spoke again, "You want to drive?"
"Yeah." She replied.
"Good. I see things." He told her, hearing the smirk in his voice. "Linny." He said making me look at him. "Let's go."
Nodding, I went to the car and got in the backseat with Carl. Slouching down, ignoring the pain, I looked out the window, enjoying the silence of the car. No one else was saying anything either. We hadn't gone far when we saw remains spewed across the road. It was the hitchhiker. Stopping the car, Michonne backed up and Carl jumped out to grab the pack he had been wearing. Handing it to me, I set it between us, smiling at him. He offered one back, making me smile wider at him. We both looked at the pack, wondering what was inside of it. Not that it mattered. We needed all the help we could get.