Chapter Sixteen: Fighter
Cowering in a corner, I was curled as far into myself as I could get. My body was pulsing with pain. A steady beat that let me know that I was still alive. One might think that a blessing but right now it felt more like a curse. They had taken the Governor's words to heart and they had reached for the skies. The only thing I could be grateful for was that I hadn't been raped, fingers had been placed but they had been surprisingly gracious considering I was going to die anyway. But the beatings and water boarding was enough to send me over the edge. The rubbing of their bodies against me, the feeling of my breasts, but I hadn't truly been raped. They kept their cocks in their pants unless they decided to take a fucking piss on me.
I'd lost time after the first day or so. Waiting to die but at the same time I felt like I was alive because he still wasn't done with me. He wanted my death to be painful and if he could use me against the prison then he would. But I hadn't been with them long enough to mean anything to them. I meant nothing and if I did than fine but I wasn't expecting to be saved. But Rick had told me to fight. Maybe he was going to come for me. Maybe he would let Daryl. Maybe – just maybe – I did mean something to them. Maggie had told me I was one of them. Would she convince them to come for me?
My expectations were low, not caring if I lived or died, feeling more like death with every passing moment. But if they were going to come for me than I had to keep fighting. It would be a fucking miracle but I would keep fighting if there was even a sliver of hope. The more I thought about it, the more I realized that I didn't want to die. I found people that I could be a part of. I found people to care about who cared about me. I wanted to live. I wanted to see them again.
When the door opened, I looked up to see two of my regular visitors. "Please." I said shaking my head.
They didn't say anything, they simply stepped up to me, gripping my arms and dragged me to the chair as my bare feet skidded against the concrete floor. They slammed me into it and tied my arms and legs, stepping aside as someone else stepped in.
"What do you want?" I shot at him.
The Governor smiled, "I thought I'd let you know that today's the day."
"For what?" I frowned.
"For you to die."
Scoffing, I nodded, "It's about damn time."
"And you won't be alone." He stated. "You can listen to each other's screams." He stepped aside and from the room across from me, I saw Andrea handcuffed to a chair identical to my own.
"Andrea!" I called.
Her head shot up. "Caroline! You're alive?" She said with confusion.
"Surprisingly." I smirked.
"Jesus." She said as she took me in.
"Good luck." I told her.
She nodded, smiling at me, "You, too."
Her door was shut, leaving me to stare at the metal door. Then mine was shut as well, leaving me alone. He had a new toy to play with. One that would be much more fun to him. It was amazing what he was willing to do to someone he had let share his bed. He truly was a madman. Unfeeling and able to kill on a whim. Bile rose in my throat as I thought of how I had been just like him. I was unfeeling and would kill anyone. I didn't want to be that person anymore. I was going to be a better person. I was going to turn everything around and be as good a person as I used to be. But I needed Rick and his group to do that. I needed to get out of here.
When the door opened again, I felt emotion start to build. Shaking my head, Caesar stepped forward, tears were on his cheeks. It was time. He came to say his goodbyes. Stepping up to me, he took my head in his hands and kissed me deeply and repeatedly.
"I'm sorry I couldn't save you." He told me depressingly.
"It's okay." I smiled at him.
"It's not." He said and I felt him slip something into my hand.
Recognizing the feel of it, I held it tight against the arm of the chair. "Thank you." I told him, kissing him again. "Don't die."
He smiled, kissing me one last time, "I'll see you again."
"You're a good man, Caesar. Don't let him ruin you." I told him as a tear slid down my cheek, hitting his hand.
He pressed his forehead to mine, taking a deep breath before he turned and left. I didn't get a chance to breakdown before someone else came in dragging Joe into sight. I'd talked to the man a few times, taking him on runs. Blood was staining the front of his shirt and he was already looking weak.
Damn it all to hell.
"This isn't as poetic as what is going to happen to Andrea, but I think it's a fitting end." The Governor said as he appeared.
"Fuck you." I shot at him.
He laughed, "Never gonna happen. One traitor is all I can handle."
I laughed back at him, "You're going to die. Rick is going to kill you."
He smiled at me, "Or I'm going to kill him."
"Not likely."
He just gave a short laugh before he left. Joe was shoved to the corner and the door was closed. Looking at him, I knew that they had mortally wounded him. He would die, turn and I would be left in here with a walker. But thanks to Caesar, I had a way out.
"How you doing, Joe?" I asked gently.
He took several labored breaths before he replied, "Not so good."
"Why did they do this to you?" I asked him.
"I tried to get a couple of the guys together and get you out of here." He smirked at me.
I frowned, "Why the hell would you do that?"
His smile grew, "Because you were good to us, Caroline. When we went on runs. When we had to track people down. You were a good leader. Even when you were playing the role of follower. You're fair and kind."
"Kind?" I shot at him. "When was I kind here?"
"More often than you think." He told me, his eyes rolling up before he looked at the wall. "If you have a plan, I'd execute it soon."
Shifting the small blade into my fingers, I took a deep steadying breath. It was a spare box cutter blade, small, thin, and easily droppable. Two of my nails were missing, still able to feel the stinging as they'd sprinkled salt over the fresh wounds. I was a fucking mess and if I dropped it then it would all be over. Starting to cut the rope, he was watching me and I could see that he was fading. Keeping my eyes on him, I'd watch his chest rise and fall. The length between breaths got longer and longer. Too soon did I watch his chest still, making me panic when he didn't take another, his head lolling forward as his body fully relaxed. I'd only made it through half of one rope. He was gone. Panic was roaring through my veins as I attempted to cut faster, but it was awkward making it almost impossible to speed up the process.
Thinking it thin enough, I gripped the blade tightly in my hand and jerked against the rope. Doing it again, there was a slight give, jerking once more and I was free. Swiftly taking the blade I started to cut through the ropes on my other wrist. It was faster, though I froze when I saw his foot twitch, then his hand, his head raising, showing me the deadness of his eyes.
"Damn it." I said and tried to work faster. Rushing, I tilted the blade too much, making it catch and jerk from my grasp, the clink of it echoing as it hit the floor. "No!" I screamed watching Joe get to his feet. "God fucking damn it!" I yelled, pulling as hard as I could on the ropes.
It wasn't going to give.
This was it.
My hope was gone.
I was going to die.
"Joe!" I yelled but knew that he couldn't hear me. "Joe!"
He was staggering toward me, his teeth slamming together as he cocked his head back and forth, slowly moving toward me. Jerking against the rope, it wasn't budging. Praying he didn't stumble and attack my legs, part of me felt like I still had a chance. Hope that was probably being wasted. As soon as he reached me, his hands gripped my shirt and he attempted to bite my face off. Putting my hand against his throat as I attempted to keep him at bay. He was fresh and stronger than me. I knew I wasn't going to be able to keep this up long. Building strength, I shoved him away from me, starting to bite at the ropes, tearing at it with my teeth. He was on his feet faster than I thought possible for one of the dead.
"Come on." I growled, tasting blood as I continued to gnaw on the ropes.
Joe neared me again, making me pause and grip him again. Shoving him away, I kept gnawing and pulling on the ropes. My lips and nails were torn, blood covering more of me than anything, and I was losing energy. When he reached me a third time, I pressed against his chest as his hand gripped my hair and the other my shoulder. His mouth was coming closer and closer to my face, my arm shaking as I attempted to keep him at bay. But it was no use. I couldn't help the tears that filled my eyes.
"Please." I said to Joe, knowing that he was no longer him, but I couldn't help myself.
My grip was failing.
Only then the door burst open and I gasped as an arrow appeared through Joe's head. Shoving him away, I took in Daryl.
"Oh thank god." I told him.
"Caroline." He said before rushing forward.
Wrapping his arms around me, I embraced him, gripping him tightly and I shook and started to cry against him. His hand found the back of my head as I buried my face in his neck, bringing my hand to the top of his head. Letting me go, he quickly untied me, pulling me into a proper hug.
"Thank you." I told him.
He let me go, nodding, "Every time I see ya, you're bleeding."
Laughing, I threw my arms around his neck again, "I'll work on that."
He let me go, smirking down at me, "I don't gotta carry ya outta here again, do I?"
"No." I smiled. "I'm not that bad off."
"You sure look it." A voice said from behind him.
Looking around him, I nodded, "Rick."
He stepped inside, looking at me up and down, "You're a mess."
"I am." I confirmed as I raised a brow.
He smirked, "Come on."
Nodding, I'd only taken a step when there was a gunshot. Looking at the door in front of me, I looked at Rick. He nodded, his hand finding my back as he led me from the warehouse. The town was quiet, a group of survivors huddled together by the entrance.
"Karen?" I said as she came into sight.
She turned and threw herself at me, "You're alive!"
Laughing lightly, I hugged her back, "Somehow I keep escaping death." She laughed and hugged me tighter.
"Linny?"
Letting her go, I turned to see Michonne. My tears were renewed as I took her in, rushing to my friend and hugged her tightly. She just lost Andrea and I knew that that would hurt her. She was her person and now she was gone.
"The Governor?" I asked her.
She shook her head. "He escaped after killing his army."
"What?" I frowned. "He killed everyone?"
She nodded, "Karen was all that was left from the group he attacked us with."
"Attacked?" I frowned at Karen.
"I thought I was doing the right thing." She told me.
"We all did." Tyreese added as he appeared next to her. "We're sorry."
Nodding, I smiled at them before turning to Rick, "What now?"
He looked around at everyone who was looking at him, expecting him to have all the answers. Stepping up to him, I cocked my head, smiling at him. For a long moment he just looked at me, then he broke a smile and nodded at me.
"Alright."
Smiling, I nodded back at him.
"Let's go!" He called. "To the bus!"
Starting to move toward it, I fell behind quickly, unable to keep up. Michonne stopped and smiled at me, waiting for me to catch up. Her arm found my waist and she attempted to take some of my weight from me. Smiling at her, Daryl had stopped as well, raising a brow at me.
"I said no." I told him.
In the next second my legs were scooped from under me, only the pain that accompanied it made me scream and struggle in his arms.
"Put me down." I cried before forcing myself from his arms, landing hard on the ground. Daryl was immediately in front of me as I moved to my knees, sitting on my heels. "I'm sorry." I told him, putting my hand against his bicep. "I'm sorry, Daryl."
"What did they do to ya?" He frowned at me.
"Just about everything." I smirked at him.
"Linny?" Rick said coming to my side. "Come on."
"I can't." I told him. "Just get everyone back to the prison. I could use a few minutes on my own."
He nodded at me before squatting and taking my waist, pulling me onto my feet. "Hold on to me."
"Rick." I said with pain.
"Hey." He said putting his hand against my face. "Let's go home."
He blurred as tears filled my eyes, "Okay."
He pressed a quick kiss against my forehead, moving me toward the bus. Michonne helped me up the steps and to the nearest seat. Leaning against the window, I looked out of it, knowing this was going to be the last time I saw Woodbury. Michonne sat next to me, gently putting my hair behind my ear, moving closer to me.
"You're gonna be okay." She told me.
I turned my head and looked at her, "I know."
Tears filled her eyes, "I'm so sorry."
"Me, too." I replied, tears filling my own. "I'm so sorry about everything."
"Shhh." She said running her fingers through my hair.
Starting to cry again, I rested my head against her shoulder, crying until everything fell away. Sleep took me and for the first time in a long time, I felt safe, the motion of the bus comforting. The feeling and warmth of Michonne next to me was more than I could have asked for. I should've died. I should have died in that room and yet they came for me. I was alive and was going to be okay all because of this group that I stumbled upon to deliver formula to. Because of them I felt like I could be happy again.
Being woken slowly, I groaned as I shifted, crying out a little as my muscles protested. Michonne ran her hand down my face, her thumb wiping a tear from my cheek. Looking at her, I took a deep breath, letting it out slowly. Shifting, I realized that we were the last on the bus. Sitting up, I groaned, my stomach turning and my head spinning.
"Do you need help?" She asked me.
I simply groaned and nodded. She disappeared, the silence of the bus was unsettling. Leaning back again, I cried out before a soft sob broke from me. Everyone was dead. There were good men fighting for the Governor. Caesar was with him. Just one more person lost to this fucking world. Shumpert. Paul. Good men.
Hearing steps, hoping it would be Daryl, I was mildly disappointed when Rick came into view. Raising a brow at him, he simply smirked and sat next to me, slouching down in the seat. He shut his eyes and just sat there. Sighing, I couldn't help but smile at him.
"Regretting your choice at taking in all these people?" I asked him.
"No." He replied with his eyes still shut.
"What are you thinking then?"
He opened his eyes and met mine, "For the first time in a while, I'm not thinking anything."
I smiled at him, "Nothing at all?"
"Well, I was thinking that you really do look like shit." He stated and started to laugh.
Laughing with him, I nodded, "Yeah, I do. But that's because you gave me to them."
His smile fell away. "I'm sorry." He said and I knew that he meant it. "I'm sorry, Linny."
I frowned at him, "Like you said. I'm a fighter."
"I know." He said and sighed at me. "I knew you could do it."
Smiling, nodding, the tears came back, making me slouch down next to him. "If Daryl hadn't barged in when he did I would dead right now." I told him, seeing him frown at me. "They beat me, Rick. They cut me. They drowned me. They…"
"Did they…?" He said sitting and leaning toward me.
"No." I replied, meeting his eyes. "No. That's the one thing they didn't do. Not really. They touched but they didn't…" I said and trailed off.
"Jesus, Linny." He said angrily.
Anger started to fill me. "I want to see past it, Rick. I do. But the only reason they had the opportunity to do what they did is because of you." Forcing myself up, I looked down at him. "Move."
"I'm sorry."
"Move!" I yelled at him.
"Linny…" He said but moved.
"This is all your fault." I told him, moving from the bus.
Sliding down the stairs, I attempted to walk into the prison, grateful to see Daryl moving toward me with Michonne. Opening my good arm to him, he collided with me, scooping me up into his arms. It hurt like a bitch but now I was so angry I didn't care anymore. Holding tight to him, I was brought inside, being set on a table so Hershel could take a look at me.
"Is this going to be a habit for you?" He smirked down at me.
"God I hope not." I smirked back. Then he touched me and a scream erupted from me so fast it took my breath away. "Jesus."
"How is she?"
"Maggie." I said looking for her from where I lay.
"Maggie, I'm going to need a few things." He told her.
She nodded, "I got it."
"Daryl." Hershel said. "She may struggle so I'm going to need you to be ready to hold her down. Michonne, too."
"Hershel." Rick said appearing.
"Go away." I told him.
"Linny." He said looking down at me with a sad expression.
"Go away!" I yelled at him. "This is all your goddamn fault!"
All eyes were on Rick. He simply nodded and stepped back, "I'm sorry."
"You gave me to them." I said softly. "You gave me to them and this is what happened. I fucking hate you, Rick." I told him with conviction. "Get the hell away from me."
"Linny." Michonne said softly. "He did what he thought he had to."
"I don't care." I said staring at the ceiling.
Then Daryl's face was hovering over mine, "You're gonna be okay. He knew that."
"The only reason I'm okay is because you came in when you did. Otherwise I'd be dead right now."
"You're gonna feel like death for a few days." Hershel told me. "It'll give you plenty of time to think." He added before meeting my eyes. "And to forgive."
Laughing, I shook my head, "Ever the religious one."
Then I was screaming.
When I woke up, I was once again in a cell, looking up at the same bunk I had before. I was afraid to move. I was so sick of being in pain. Physically and mentally. I was so tired. I was just so tired.
"Linny?" A voice said from next to me.
"Why are you here, Rick?" I frowned, shutting my eyes again.
"How are you feeling?" He asked feeling his hand against my hair.
Tears ran from the corners of my eyes, "Get your hand off of me."
He did, sighing, "You're gonna be okay."
"Okay."
"It was touch and go. You stopped breathing but…uh…you know, Hershel took care of that." He told me sadly.
"He's a good man." I replied, keeping my eyes shut. "I'm tired, Rick."
"Yeah. Right." He said. Opening my eyes, I looked up at him. He nodded at me, "Get some rest."
Shutting my eyes, I didn't say anything to him. He sighed and left, hearing his steps fade. Taking a deep breath, I let it out slowly, drifting back to sleep. Only this time my mind was plagued with everything that I'd been through, waking me with a start.
"Has she woken up yet?" I heard Maggie ask.
"For a few minutes." Rick told her.
"How is she?"
He scoffed, "She hates me."
"She should." Maggie shot at him, making me love her even more. "You handed her right over to them, Rick. And look what happened to her."
"I honestly didn't think they'd hurt her as much as they did." He replied. "She was one of them."
"She was one of us." She told him harshly. "She stopped breathing, Rick. They nearly killed her."
"I know." He replied. "But she's a fighter. She's been fighting."
"She's struggling, Rick." She shot at him. "Just like you are. You don't know her story but it's surprisingly similar."
"Are you gonna tell me?" He asked.
"No." She replied.
"Get the hell outta here." Daryl interrupted. I couldn't help but smile. "Give her a little goddamn space. She has a right to hate you. You handed her over like she was nothin'. You were gonna do the same to Michonne."
There wasn't a reply but the retreating of steps. Another set started to move away as well, and then someone entered the cell. Meeting Daryl's eyes, he smiled, sitting against the wall next to me. For a long moment we just looked at each other. I'd never be able to repay him. He'd saved my life more than anyone else. I owed him everything.
"You look like shit."
I laughed lightly, "I probably smell like it, too."
He smirked, shaking his head, "Nah. I've smelled worse."
Laughing harder, I stopped, groaning, but the smile stayed on my face. "Thank you, Daryl. For everything."
"It's what we do. We look out for each other." Nodding, I attempted to sit up, only to have him stop me. "I don't think so."
"Daryl." I frowned.
"You were up too soon before. Not this time."
Sighing, I smiled, "Okay."
He moved closer to me, taking my hand, bringing it against his chest, "One more day."
"Do we have one more day?" I frowned at him.
He smiled, rubbing the top of my hand, "We have all the time in the world."
Days passed and slowly but surely I got better and better. It sucked and I spent more time in pain than anything else but it started to ebb away, letting me move around more and more. For a while I was never without an escort and I had to admit that it was so fucking obnoxious that I wanted to scream. Most of the time it was either Maggie or Michonne but then it was Hershel and Glenn. It was Daryl. It was Carl at times. It was always someone. God forbid I fall over once or twice while I healed. But then they lengthened their leash on me, letting me wander around without being constantly watched.
It was in the moments where I was finally alone that I would find a small dark corner and cry until I couldn't anymore. Sobbing where no one could hear me. Letting out all the pain and agony that I was feeling. I had finally started to feel better. After Ben and Hannah and Mozzie, I'd finally found a place to call home and then I was handed over like a piece of meat. Rick thought that he didn't have a choice. He thought that somehow I held enough sway that they wouldn't hurt me.
Such fucking bullshit.
Gently playing with my nails, they'd scabbed over, knowing it would be months before they would grow back. A shiver ran up my spine as I remembered what it felt and looked like to watch my nail separate from my finger. Not something you see every day. Sniffling, attempting to rein in my emotions, I let a few more stray tears fall before I took a deep shuddering breath.
Getting to my feet, I made my way back into the prison. Moving to where the water basins here, I splashed water against my face, running my hands across my neck. Taking a deep breath, I let it out slowly. Shutting my eyes, I tried not to think about the cell and the men. Tried not to think of Rick so nonchalantly handing me over to the Governor as a fucking consolation prize.
A hand touched my shoulder and I nearly jumped out of my skin, spinning to face who it was. "Jesus."
"I'm sorry." Rick told me softly, holding up his hands.
"Don't touch me." I told him shuddering. Then I shoved him away from me. "Don't ever touch me again!"
Rushing away from him, he jogged after me, skidding in front of me, "Linny, please."
"Don't." I said trying to go around him.
"Caroline, please." He repeated, continuing to try and move in front of me. "Just listen to me."
"You've done well to stay away from me. I suggest you keep it up." I retorted.
"Care."
"Where's Daryl?" I asked as I moved out of the prison.
"He left for a run." He replied.
I stopped and looked at him, "He what? Without me?"
"You don't need to go."
"Don't you dare try and tell me what I need, Rick." I shot at him, pointing my finger at him. "Don't you dare."
"I'm sorry." He said softening his tone. "Caroline, please, just let me talk."
"I don't want to hear what you have to say!" I yelled at him. "Why can't you get that through your head?"
Rushing off again, he was still following me, "Caroline."
"Jesus, Rick! What the hell is the matter with you?!" I yelled.
"Caroline." Tyreese said stepping up to me, eyeing Rick.
Rick looked at him, putting his hands on his hips. Then he looked at me, nodding before he walked away. Feeling tears, I leaned over, putting my hands on my thighs as my stomach turned. I hated him. I just couldn't see past it. He gave me up. Straightening, I looked up at Tyreese, biting my lip.
He nodded at me, "I know, baby. Come on."
Wrapping my arm around him, he led me to where people were killing walkers along the fence. There wasn't too many yet, but their numbers were building all the time. We stepped up to Karen who stopped and looked at me sadly. Nodding, I ran my fingers through my hair. She stepped forward, wrapping her arm around my neck, careful not to touch me with the gloves she was wearing. Hugging her tightly, I pressed my face into her shoulder.
"Is it getting any better?" She asked.
"Not really." I replied.
"Just when you thought you were getting past your family…" She smiled at me sadly.
Laughing, I nodded at her, "The nightmares are the worst."
"You should have someone share your cell so you're not alone." She replied.
"No." I retorted harshly before I quickly changed my tone. "I'm sorry. But Michonne is with me. She needs her bunk when she gets back."
"She never stays, Linny."
"I know." I nodded. "But when she does she's going to need it."
She sighed and nodded at me before looking at Tyreese, "Baby, will you take her to get something to eat and drink?"
"I'm not a child, Karen." I frowned at her.
She smiled, "I know, sweetie. But you don't eat enough and you don't get enough water."
Sighing, I knew she was right. "Do you need any help out here?"
"Not from you."
Scoffing, I nodded, "Okay."
Tyreese leaned down and kissed Karen before he put his hands on my shoulders, "Come on, trouble maker, let's go."
Sighing, I was annoyed and yet couldn't tell them that they were wrong. Going back up to the prison, he made me sit at the picnic table outside, telling me to stay before he disappeared. Sighing, taking in the nice breeze, I smiled.
"Linny." Carl said softly.
"Hey, sweetie." I smiled at him.
"Can I sit?" He asked.
I nodded, "You don't have to ask."
He nodded back, "I know. But I like to make sure."
"You don't have to walk on eggshells around me either." I stated with annoyance.
"I think everyone is after what happened."
"I know." I nodded. "But they don't have to."
"You just seem so sad and angry all the time."
"I am sad and angry all the time." I grinned at him. He just looked at me with a sad expression. Sighing, I shifted closer to him. "I'm sorry, Carl. But after what happened it makes trust and happiness a little hard to come by. It's only been a few weeks."
"I know." He replied. "I just want to help."
"You know what helps?" I asked him getting him to shake his head at me. "This. You talking to me helps."
"Then I guess I'll keep talking to you." He smiled.
"Good."
Tyreese came back with a sandwich and vegetables, setting the plate in front of me. He looked down at me, crossing his arms with authority. Smiling, laughing lightly, I started to eat while Carl started to animatedly talk about the comics he had been reading. It didn't take long for him to get me to agree to read them with him. Tyreese joined us, as well as Sasha before Maggie and Glenn came by as well. Our little family seemingly to always stick together.
When I finally got up after being monitored and cleared for a satisfactory intake of food and water, I moved toward the watchtower, wanting to do something productive. Climbing the ladder up, I let myself through the hatch to see Carol looking down at me.
"Hey." I smiled at her.
"How you feeling?" She asked.
"Better all the time." I replied.
"Here to take over?"
I nodded, "Yes, please."
"Good." She smiled.
Grinning, I nodded at her, "Thank you."
"For what?"
"For not babying me like everyone else."
She laughed lightly, "Everyone else has had to deal with your wrath. You're scary when you want to be. Lately that's been often."
I sighed and nodded. "I'm working on that."
"You have to forgive Rick. That's what will help you heal."
I shook my head, "Could you just forgive him?"
She smiled, "I know him well. I think he deserves forgiveness."
"I know." I replied. "I actually do know that. But it's hard, Carol. It's really hard."
Touching my wrist where there were scars from the ropes, she took it from me, holding it in both her hands, running her thumbs across the marks. "It is hard, Caroline. I was abused for many years. But the moment I let it all go and forgave Ed for everything he did…I felt better."
Smiling, I nodded, "I'll try."
She gently tapped my nose, "Good girl."
Laughing lightly, I took a breath, "Thanks."
She nodded, handing me the rifle before she let herself down. Circling the tower, I kept watch for anything out of the ordinary. Watching the people below me, our numbers were rising. It wasn't just those from Woodbury anymore. It was people that had been found and brought in by Rick and Daryl. They were all good people and everyone contributed to our lives here. Everyone had a job to do. That's what Hershel always said.
Hearing the ladder, when the hatch opened, Rick appeared. Rolling my eyes, I wasn't ready to talk to him. I told Carol I would try but I didn't mean right now. He smiled at me sweetly, making me glare at him. He shifted, attempting to meet my eyes but seemed nervous about it.
"Carol? I asked. "Already?"
"She works fast." He smirked. "Just yell at me, Linny. You have hardly talked to me. Just yell and get it off your chest."
"Why do you care so damn much, Rick?" I shot at him. "You didn't even want me here."
"I do now." He replied softly.
Laughing, I paced away from him, taking deep breaths. Stopping, I looked at him, holding my breath until I screamed, rushed to him and punched him as hard as I could. He fell backward against the railing, falling to the floor. Breathing hard now, I didn't realize I was going to hit him again until I did. Again and again and again. Hitting him as I screamed. All the while he simply let me, not saying a word or even trying to defend himself. Screaming, hitting him once more, I fell to my knees, crying.
"It's okay." He said softly.
Looking up at him, his lip was dripping blood, his cheeks and jaw red, and his brow was swelling. Shaking took me over, as well as guilt, and then I had his head in my hands, brushing the hair from his face.
"I'm sorry." I cried. "Rick, I'm sorry."
He brought his hands to my neck, smiling at me, "Shhh, Linny, it's okay."
"It's not okay." I told him, shaking my head. "It's not okay, Rick. I'm not this person anymore. I'm just so…mad at you."
"I know." He replied. "I know, Linny. I'm mad at me, too."
Throwing my arms around his neck, I hugged him tightly, sobbing into him. He held me just as tightly, holding me until I started to cry myself to sleep. Realizing what was happening, I swiftly moved away from him, moving so there was several feet of space between us.
"Better?" He asked gently.
"Better." I replied.
We didn't say anything else and he eventually left, leaving me alone. Sasha was up next, taking over as the sun started to set. We talked for a while before I left, ready for dinner and bed. Going inside, Maggie walked toward me, holding a bowl of food. Smiling, I took it, starting to devour the venison stew that Carol had made.
"This is amazing. Thank you." I told her as we sat at the table.
"How are you feeling?" She smiled.
"Better." I told her. "Did he tell you or could you hear me?"
"Both." She replied.
Sighing, I nodded, "It felt good but it didn't change anything, Maggie."
"He's sorry, Linny."
"And I'll forgive him." I added. "You know, eventually."
She laughed lightly, shaking her head at me. "Someday you'll forgive him and it'll feel so damn good you won't know why you waited so long."
"You're probably right." I smiled.
It seemed my hatred for Rick was a constant topic of conversation. But along with that we learned just about all there was to know about each other. We truly were a family. And with nothing else to do, getting to know each other was the most excitement we had sometimes.
"Hey." I smiled at Carl when the prison was starting to get quiet.
"It's about time." He smiled back.
Laughing lightly, I stepped into his cell, "I know. I'm just a horrible person to keep you waiting like this."
"Ready?" He asked.
"Yes!" I exclaimed.
Rushing forward, I leapt over him, "So, what are we reading?"
"Invincible." He said showing me the cover.
"Oooo." I grinned at him. "Sounds exciting. Start reading."
He looked at me, "If I'm reading then you're holding the flashlight."
"Deal." I told him, grabbing the light.
Getting comfortable, he started to read and I couldn't help but relax as I listened to him. He even did the voices, making it that much more entertaining. Carl wasn't perfect but I loved the shit out of him. He was amazing and with the help of his father he had still gotten to be a kid. He needed that. We all did. The more I listened to him, the more relaxed I became, finding myself drifting off. It was probably the most relaxed I'd been in a while. I hoped that it was finally a turning point for me. Maybe I was getting over it. Maybe I could finally start to forgive.