Beautiful Disaster

by My Writing Is This

The dead were walking and surviving was imperative. Caroline had hit the ground running. She tried to never look back. She was alone for too long. Learning to live and love again wasn't easy. People still mattered. Many would come in and out of her life and not all was as it seemed. She had to learn to be a person again and to find her place. And the one she was meant to be with.

17. Calm Before the Storm

Chapter Seventeen: Calm Before the Storm

The woods were quiet, making the sound of the birds and the trees that much more peaceful. There was no growling. There was no running and screaming. No one was after us or looking to take our home. We were safe. Following a familiar trail through the woods, I couldn't help but sigh as my mind went through my memories of the past. A past that was about to help our future. We were out here to bring some good back to the prison. Our numbers were growing and we needed to grow and breed and do whatever we had to do to survive. We were making it. We were surviving and it was one of the best feelings in the world.

"Are we close?" Daryl asked me.

Smiling at him, I nodded, "Very."

Moving forward with purpose, the remains of the cabin were barely a quarter of a mile away. Rick was the only other person who knew where it was but, so far, he'd kept his distance. I'd been disappearing, coming here regularly, but I never brought anything back with me. There were still so many things to figure out that I didn't want to offer up everything only to lose it if something fell through. But as soon as Rick made it clear that we were staying and that we needed to farm the land and make something of ourselves, I knew that I couldn't keep them out here anymore. I brought it up to Rick who swiftly approved of the plan, I'd made preparations and now it was time to bring everyone in.

When the trees gave way, the remains of the cabin were in front of us, looking just as horrible as I remembered it. I couldn't help the ache in my chest, making me swallow hard as emotion started to ebb into it. For a second I could picture Mozzie and Hannah playing in the yard. I could hear Ben's laugh as he stood in jeans and a white tee, dirt smeared across him. He always smelled so natural. It was actually kind of gross at times. That was one of the things that made me realize that what I felt for him was real. I was in love with him. We lived here. We had a life here and this is what happened to it.

"What if this is what always happens?" I asked Daryl softly.

"It's not, Linny." He replied, wrapping his arms around me from behind. "It's been months and nothing has happened. We're safe. We're surviving."

"He's still out there, Daryl." I said sadly, leaning into him.

He sighed, pressing his face into my shoulder, "I know. But we'll find him and we'll kill him."

Turning my head, I pressed my forehead against his temple, sighing heavily. "Okay."

"Let's do this." He told me.

Smiling, I nodded, momentarily gripping his fingers before moving around the remains, seeing the fence. Jogging forward, the mare came up, bobbing her head before she put her nose in my hands. Laughing, I swiftly threw my arms around her.

"Good girl."

"How are we going to get all of this back?" He asked.

"Any way we can." I replied.

Spending the rest of the afternoon fixing up a broken wagon to be able to be pulled, we were well on our way to success. I spent more time chasing chickens than anything, getting Daryl to laugh more than I'd ever heard. He was an amazing person, locked inside of a foul mouthed redneck. But I adored the shit out of that man. He had been the rock in my recovery and had been one step behind me ever since. Or vice versa. I was behind him in everything. Even when I shouldn't be.

"This beats searching for survivors." I smirked at him as I put the final chicken in the makeshift cage I'd fashioned for them.

He scoffed, "Nah, I like bringing them in."

"I know." I nodded, stepping up to the stallion. "We lost a couple goats." I told him.

He nodded at me, "We have enough."

Sighing, I looked at the cabin before triple checking the saddles, placing the last few things in the saddlebags. Feeling Daryl's eyes on me, I did a double-take, seeing the sad expression on his face. Offering him a small smile, he nodded, mounting the mare with heavy hesitation. I was still surprised that he'd gotten on one at all. If it went poorly, I was confident that he would never get on one ever again. Making sure he was okay, I moved to the stallion and swiftly pulled myself onto the saddle. Looking behind me, I scanned the area for anything we missed, before making sure the wagon was secure. Taking a deep breath, I nodded to myself before we started to move. We were just past the fence when I stopped, needing to take one last look at the remains of my old home. I knew that it would be the last time I saw it.

"It makes it real." Daryl said when we were about halfway home.

"What does?" I asked.

"Seeing the cabin." He replied. "All of this."

"What about it?" I frowned at him with annoyance.

He met my eyes, "It makes your story real."

Sighing, I nodded at him. "That's because it is real, Daryl." I frowned. "I told you my story because I felt like you could relate."

"You were also drunk." He smirked.

Laughing lightly, I nodded again, "Yeah, I was definitely drunk."

"I'm glad ya told me." He added.

"You earned it." I smiled.

We were silent the rest of the way home. A completely comfortable silence. Home had grown loud with all our members, making this quiet time very much needed. Not only that, but Daryl was the expert on being silent. He spoke more in what he didn't say than what he did. And when he did have something to say it was always important to listen to him.

"What?" He asked when he caught me staring at him.

"Nothing." I replied softly.

"Then why ya staring?" He asked next.

Grinning, I shook my head, looking away from him. "Is it so wrong that I like looking at you?"

He smirked at me, "Yeah. It's creepy."

"Whatever, Pookie." I teased him.

"Shut up." He said and shoved me lightly.

I laughed and shoved him back, making him have a minor panic attack. It only made me laugh harder. Carol's nickname for him was one of the highlights of my life. Using it against him was both agonizing for him and it annoyed her. For some reason, we hadn't quite bonded the same way I had with the others. Not really sure why, but part of me felt like it was because of Daryl and how close we were. Or maybe it was just because she wasn't my favorite person. But she made it obvious that I wasn't one of hers either.

When we reached the prison, we were quickly let through, making our way to the makeshift barn that already held a horse and a pig. We had done well for ourselves. This was just one more reason to be happy that we had survived. We had livestock. We had created a way for endless fresh water. We had a roof and beds. We were living. If this was the only contribution I could make, it would be enough.

"You're back." Rick smiled stepping up to us.

Daryl nodded, "It took a little longer than we thought but we managed."

"Need help getting everyone settled?" He asked.

"No." I replied quickly. "We've got it."

"Daryl!" Carol called from the main yard. "I need your help with something!"

I scoffed, "Yeah, getting her jollies on."

"Stop." Daryl smirked at me.

Laughing, I shoved him, "You know she has a thing for you."

"Stop." He said shoving me harder, making me slam into the cow.

Laughing harder, I shoved him again but he was already moving toward her. I would never understand those two. But they had history that I would never get in the middle of them. They had a bond that was hard to find and I would never want to harm that.

"I can help." Rick told me.

"I don't care." I shot at him. "You can go."

He smirked, "You sound like you should be running the place."

"Maybe I should." I shot at him.

"Linny."

"Shut up, Rick." I told him. "Don't think that me doing this changes anything. I did it for everyone. Not just you."

"I know." He nodded. "Let me help anyway."

Clenching my jaw, I knew he wasn't going to give up. He would keep pushing until I agreed or got fed up and walked away. Deciding that I wouldn't leave the animals I'd known for months, I started to unload everyone, putting them in their respective pastures. The chickens had a separate coop and it took ages to get it to where I thought they would be safe. The horses, cow, and the last two goats could share the fenced in area we'd made for them. The barn had been fun to build and it offered enough shelter for everyone with plenty of room for expanding.

"I need you to take a look at the pig." Rick told me when we were done.

I was standing with the cow, hugging her head as she put it over my shoulder, "What about her?"

"I don't know. I just want you to take a look at her."

Meeting his eyes, I knew what he was doing, "No, you want to keep me out here longer since we're officially done."

"You're the vet tech. I feel like something is wrong with her." He replied.

Sighing, I kissed the cow's cheek before following Rick to the other pen. They got one all to themselves. Going to the sow, I checked her from head to toe, spending ample time palpating her abdomen. Straightening, I walked to the small storage area, washing my hands in the small basin there.

"Well?" He asked.

"She's pregnant." I told him.

"Good." He smiled. "That's really good. One more source of food we don't have to worry about."

Nodding, I made my way up the hill, ready for a shower and a late dinner. Hoping he would finally catch the hint, he didn't, following me all the way up. He followed me until we reached my cell, grabbing clean clothes.

"Linny." He said softly. "Eventually you're going to have to forgive me."

As soon as he said it, my shoulder blade twitched with phantom pain, making me reach over my shoulder and rub it. He knew what was happening, looking at me sadly. Holding out my arm, I ran my fingers along scaring that I had received from when he'd given me to the Governor and his men. Frowning, he simply nodded and stepped out of my way.

He'd been trying since the second I woke up. He wanted to make amends. He wanted me to not hate him. But I did. I hated him. I would probably hate him for a good long while. It wasn't some irrational hatred toward him. He was the reason I nearly died. He was the reason I was beaten and water was poured down my throat till I nearly drowned and the reason I had ended up tied to a chair with a walker attacking me and no way of defending myself. It wasn't irrational. It was earned. He earned my hate.

"How'd it go?" Maggie asked when I found her in her cell after I'd cleaned up.

"It went well." I told her, dropping onto the bed next to her, braiding my wet hair over my shoulder.

"You okay?" She asked.

Taking a deep breath, I let it out slowly, thinking of how I wanted to answer that. "Yeah. I'm just…frustrated."

"Rick?"

"He keeps showing up and talking to me like nothing happened." I replied quickly, frowning.

"He knows what happened, Linny. He knows and he's sorry."

"I know." I told her sadly. "I know he's sorry. I know that he didn't mean for anything like that to happen. He truly believed that I could handle it." Pausing, I scoffed. "Maybe that's what bugs me the most. I thought I could handle it too and I couldn't. I knew he was going to come for me. I knew he was but at the same time, he let it happen. He let me get taken and if you were there you would have thought he decided it without thinking about it. He just handed me over to them."

"He was scared, Linny." She replied softly. "He was scared for you the whole time. He was also considering giving Michonne up in exchange for you. That was how guilty he felt."

"He was going to give her up, too." I frowned at her. "He let Merle take her."

"And Merle gave his life to save her." She replied softly.

Sighing, I felt emotion building, "He finally turns into a good guy and he gets himself killed." I told her and scoffed. "It sucks."

"Yeah." She replied. "You hungry?"

"Starving."

Going out to the dining area, Tyreese was still cooking, Karen right next to him. They were adorable. He'd been sweet on her for a while, and with the right motivation, she had come around. I was happy for them.

"Hey, friend." Karen grinned at me.

Tyreese gently gripped my arm, leaning down and pressed a kiss against my cheek, "Caroline."

Smiling, I momentarily wrapped my arms around him, pressing myself against his chest. He chuckled, hugging me tightly. Letting him go, he handed me a plate with meat, potatoes, and veggies on it.

"Thank you." I smiled up at him.

"I made sure there was some left for you." He replied.

Grinning, I nudged him, "You're a good man."

Turning around, my eyes fell on a nearby table where only one person was sitting. Sighing, I looked at Maggie. She smiled and took the plate from me. Taking a deep breath, I nodded, moving toward table. There was a young woman sitting there. She was tall and lanky with straight dark hair; big eyes and an attitude that made me want to commit murder.

"Hey, Ray." I told her. "Behaving?"

"I'm fine." She replied nonchalantly.

"Not what I asked." I replied with annoyance.

She let out a heavy sigh and looked up at me, "Yeah. I'm behaving."

"Yeah?" I asked with narrowed eyes.

She met my eyes, "You don't have to hover. I'm fine. No one asked you to look out for me."

"You know that's not true." I frowned at her. "But fine, I won't hover."

"Please, go do whatever the hell you were going to do." She shot up at me.

Laughing lightly, I shook my head, "Fine. But when something happens – and it always does – don't come crying to me. Pretty soon I won't give a shit about you."

"Finally." She muttered.

Trying not to let her get to me, I walked to where Maggie was sitting. Taking a seat, I shook my head at her. "She drives me crazy."

"I know." She replied. "But you're all she's got."

"No. We are all she's got. We're a community. We're all in this together. I am not her mother."

"I know." She nodded.

"So, moving on." I replied a little harsher than I meant to.

Sighing, I started to eat, relaxing as I enjoyed the food. The only drawback was how much I missed ketchup. Something so simple and yet was a staple in my life. It made everything delicious. As if reading my mind, two glorious little packets were dropped next to me. Lighting up, it immediately faded as I looked up to see Rick. Sighing, I was almost going to refuse them, but I couldn't. Raising a brow, I picked them up, opening them and put them over the meat. Venison. Daryl had done well for us.

Rick sat down across from me, watching me as I actively ignored him. Instead I simply smiled as I devoured the food, drooling as the ketchup hit my tongue. Feeling Rick's eyes on me, I finally looked up at him.

Sighing, I nodded at him, "Thank you."

"You're welcome." He told me.

"Linny." Carl said coming up to me.

"Carl!" I exclaimed happily.

He sat next to me, "You told me to find you when you got back."

"I did." I smiled. "Wanna go on a run with me tomorrow?"

"Yeah." He said with excitement. "I'd love to."

"Carl." Rick said frowning now.

He looked at his dad, "What? I'm safe with her."

"I know." Rick nodded. "But there are other things you could be doing here."

"I asked, Rick." I told him as kindly as I could muster. "It would be nice to get out of here for few days."

"A few days?" Rick frowned.

"Yeah." I retorted.

"What are you looking for?"

Scoffing, I shook my head, "Do I have to be looking for something specific? Maybe I just want to see what else is out there."

"It's too dangerous for something like that." He stated. "The Governor is still out there."

"I know." I told him. "But I'm not going to be looking for him. I just…need to get away and thought Carl might, too."

Rick was clearly annoyed, scoffing, laughing lightly before he got up and walked away. Watching him go, I felt a twinge of guilt. But it passed quickly, looking at Carl who was clearly excited about it.

"He'll be okay." I told him. "And we're going to have fun for a few days. Maybe we'll even find some hidden treasures that we can bring back with us."

"I'm excited." He beamed up at me.

"Get some rest then, we're going to be leaving early." I told him. He hugged me before getting up and quickly walked away. Smiling after him, I saw Maggie giving me a look. "What?"

"Don't do this just to spite him." She told me.

"I'm not." I told her. "I honestly just want a few days away and feel like Carl could use a little space from his father."

"Rick won't even let him use a gun." She stated.

"He won't have to." I retorted. "I'm not going to be leading us into danger. I just want to get away."

"You've been on several runs since you've been healed enough to travel. You've been away. Why can't you just stay home for a while?"

"You don't need me here." I told her. "And being here is harder than being out there."

"Because of Rick?" She asked softly. Sighing, I nodded. "What about Daryl?"

"He's been with me more than anyone." I smirked at her. "Next to you and Michonne."

"And Rick."

"Stop pushing him on me." I shot at her. "I don't have to like him. I just have to listen to him."

"But you don't."

"I do when it matters." I retorted. "When it's personal, than no, but if he demanded something than you know I would do it. I'm not stupid. Rick is our leader. I get that and I respect him for his leadership. Just not his decisions."

"I know."

"Can we not talk about him anymore?" I frowned.

She nodded, "Yeah."

"Thank you."

Michonne appeared next to me, sitting down, "Rick looked pissed, what happened?"

Slamming my hand against the table, I looked at her, "Seriously?"

"What?" She asked.

"I'm gonna go pack." I told her and walked away.

Going back to my cell, I pulled out my rucksack, starting to put in a few clean shirts inside of it, two knives, my gun and all the clips I had. I wasn't planning on needing a quarter of this but I didn't want to be caught off guard either.

"Hey." Michonne said appearing in the doorway. "What's going on?"

"Nothing." I told her, putting my notepad and pen in the bag.

"Linny." She said softly.

Sitting on my bed, I sighed and looked up at her, "I just need to get away, Michonne." She smiled and sat next to me. "You've been gone a lot too but he doesn't seem to care about that."

"He does." She replied. "He just hasn't wronged me the way he has you."

Laughing, I stood and started to put things into my bag again. "Yeah, he changed his mind before you could be given up to the Governor."

"He changed his mind when it came to you, too." She replied. "But with you it was a decision he had to make on the spot. He needed to buy time and the only way he thought he could do that was by giving you to him."

"I know." I told him. "I know, okay? It doesn't change the fact that it happened."

"I know."

I knew why he did what he did. I understood the reasons. But it didn't change the way I felt and having everyone keep pushing me to make peace was getting insufferable. I swore every five minutes it was either people wanting me to forgive Rick or it was because Ray had done or said something. I wanted a little goddamn space to just be in my own head and with people who weren't going to push or complain. I could do that with Carl. We'd talk and read comics and just…relax. Something we both desperately needed.

"Have you had any luck out there?" I asked her.

She sighed, "No. But he's out there. I'll find him."

Smiling, I nudged her, "Yes, you will."

Staying in, the day was spent and we were more than content to stay in our little home. We laughed and talked until the prison grew quiet. I needed sleep and I knew that she never got enough of it. Especially with all her comings and goings. Lying on my bunk together, we fell asleep, feeling warm and safe with her next to me. She had been more supportive than anyone. She understood me in a way that everyone else didn't. She made me feel strong when I felt weak. She was kind of amazing.

Waking early, the prison was alive with the sound of everyone sleeping. Noises coming from the surrounding cells, drifting through the halls. Smiling, I got up, getting a drink of water before finding myself some breakfast.

"Hey." Maggie said appearing next to me.

"Hey." I smiled at her. "Here to talk some sense into me?"

"No." She smiled. "Here." She said and handed me a small box.

Opening it, I saw a suture kit, antibiotics, bandages, and coban wrap. "Thank you." I told her.

"I know you have supplies but you can never have too much."

"I appreciate it." I smiled at her.

She shrugged, "It's a practical gift."

"It's still very much appreciated." I told her.

"If you insist on going out there, you might as well be prepared."

Hugging her tightly, she hugged me even tighter. "Thank you."

"And don't worry about Ray. I'll keep an eye on her." She smiled.

Sighing, relaxing, I nodded at her, "Thank you."

"Maybe you should take her with."

Laughing, I shook my head, "No. I don't trust her outside the gates. And I need a few days away from her, too. I just need to get away, Maggie."

"Okay." She smiled, gently playing with my hair.

"Thank you." I told her again.

"What's going on?" Glenn asked coming up to us. "You left."

"Sorry." Maggie said leaning into him as he put his arm around her, kissing him sweetly.

Smiling as I watched them, a pit fell in my stomach, thinking about the men from my past. All of them were dead. It sucked. "Go back to bed." I told them. "I'll see you in a few days."

Leaving the prison, I walked down to the barn, feeding and watering the horses before I started to tack them up. Attaching my bag to the back of the mare, I eagerly awaited for Carl to be up and ready. I wanted to just get out of here and just enjoy ourselves. I didn't think I could be any more excited. Not only to be riding for a few days but to be spending time with Carl. It was going to be nice spending time with a person who wasn't as jaded as everyone else. I could just let loose and be myself. If I made a fool of myself in front of him, all he would do would be to join in with me. I was so ready for some good honest fun.

Hearing steps, I smiled, "It's about time." But when I turned around my smile disappeared. "What the hell are you doing here?"

"I'm going with you." Rick smiled.

"Where's Carl?" I asked next.

"Not coming." He replied.

"Rick." I said with annoyance, making the mare nudge me. "Are you serious about this?"

"Three days." He replied, looking a little anxious now. "Just you and me."

Sighing loudly, I pressed my forehead against the mare's cheek. I knew there was no stopping him. Looking at him, I caved, "Fine. Whatever. Let's go."

He smiled and went to the stallion, "Have you named them yet?"

"No. I was going to let Carl name them." I smiled but my tone was cold.

Mounting, waiting for him to tie his bag down before I started toward the gate, seeing both Daryl and Carol manning it this morning. Daryl stepped up to me, his hand finding my leg. "Good for you."

"Stop." I frowned.

"Linny." He said making me look at him. "Good for you."

I leaned down to him, "Not by choice." He just smirked, smacking the mare's ass, making her jerk forward. "Not nice!" I called after him.

Rick was quick to come up next to me, looking comfortable in the saddle. Attempting to not look at him, I took in the woods, listening for anything and everything. I could feel his eyes on me. I didn't know what the hell he was waiting for but he needed to stop. He was only going to annoy me.

"When I started out, I had my work car, but when I ran out of gas I found a farm up the road. They happened to have a horse in their pasture and I rode it all the way to Atlanta." He told me.

He was opening up, I was sure he expected the same from me. "Fascinating." I replied blandly.

"Where were you when it started?" He asked.

"Atlanta." I replied.

"Really?" He said surprised.

Looking at him, I frowned, "Really."

"Glad you made it out before it got too bad." He smiled.

Scoffing, I shook my head, "Yeah, Rick, it was a walk in the park."

He shook his head, smiling at me, "I just can't say a damn thing right, can I?"

"Nope." I smiled back at him.

He sighed, "Linny, I didn't mean for what happened to happen. I thought we'd have gotten you out before anything could go wrong. I didn't want you to get hurt."

"Does that change what happened?" I asked. "Does it make it okay?"

"No." He frowned. "It doesn't make it okay. But you can't make me feel worse than I already do. I am sorry, Linny."

Looking at him, I knew he was sorry. He felt guilty. He never meant for it to happen. "I know." I told him sadly. "I know you're sorry, Rick. I know it and I get it. I accept it. But when my phantom pain flares up and I look at the scars, I get angry. I look at you and all I feel is anger and betrayal. You handed me over and it was like you didn't even care. I thought I could trust you and look what happened."

"You can trust me." He replied.

"Can I?" I frowned. "Because I thought I could and then I was shot and beaten because you handed me over to the enemy." He bowed his head, nodding before looking in any direction but mine. "I was broken before and thought I was going to be put back together. Then you let them take me." I went on, emotion coating my words. "That's not a forgive and forget sort of situation."

"I know." He nodded, meeting my eyes again. "But it's been months, Linny."

"And it may still be months." I replied.

"Fine." He said with annoyance. "I shouldn't have come."

"No, you shouldn't have." I stated.

The day was agonizingly long. We stopped at a few small buildings to see if we could find anything. I got a little over excited about a bag of gummy bears that I had found. Even more excited about a new pair of headphones. And a little bit ridiculous over some instant coffee. Every time I lit up, Rick would watch me with a fond expression and a smile on his face. He stared so hard that it made it awkward, my happiness diminishing. I didn't want to share it with him. If Carl were here he would have joined in. Hell, we would've danced it out and laughed till our stomachs hurt. We would have had fun. Instead, I got his father who just watched me. I could feel emotions flowing off of him. I just couldn't bring myself to care. Not yet. I was still so damn mad at him.

When it was getting dark, we found a secure location where we could set up traps and make sure that both us and the horses were safe. Once that was done, all there was left was to make a fire and get some sleep. Though I was pretty sure I would have gotten more sleep if Carl were here and not Rick. Clearly I was dwelling.

"You should sleep." Rick told me.

"You first." I smirked at him.

He smiled, "You don't trust me enough to even sleep first?" I shrugged at him. "But you trust me enough to lead the group you're in?"

"That's a different sort of trust." I told him.

He nodded, "Yeah, I guess it is."

"However." I added, rolling my eyes. "I'll try."

He smiled and nodded, "Okay."

Lying down, I turned my face to the fire, hating when my nose was cold. Shutting my eyes, I cracked them open to see him watching me. Frowning at him, he just smiled back. Shutting my eyes again, I listened to him for a few minutes before drifting off to sleep, sleeping far better than I thought I would.

When I woke up, Rick was sleeping, looking awfully peaceful. Sighing, I got up and checked the horses, making sure everything was okay. Grabbing an apple, I ate it as I fed them, smiling as I trailed my fingers along their bodies as I moved around them. Grabbing my notebook, I jumped up onto the mare's back, lying on my stomach, starting to write, using her butt as a table. She shifted but didn't care, enjoying her breakfast. My hand was moving across the paper at a steady rate until there was a twig snapping. My head shot up, as well as the horses.

"There you are." Rick said appearing at my side, but not in the direction that I'd heard the snap.

My hand flew to his shoulder, "Shh."

He put his hand on my wrist, turning his head in the direction that I'd heard the noise. After a few long minutes of nothing. I finally relaxed, looking down at Rick. He smiled, only then the mare reared, a growl filling the air as the sound of cans rattled. Rick grabbed me, pulling me free of her, his arms moving firmly around my waist. Looking at the walker that was reaching for her, I freed the knife from my thigh, rushing forward and stabbed it in the head. The woods became quiet again.

Turning to Rick, he put his hand against the side of my head, "You okay?"

"Yeah," I nodded as I pushed his hand away from me, "of course." Going to the mare, I calmed her before looking at him, "We should go."

He nodded and we swiftly packed up the camp before heading out again. We couldn't know how many walkers were attracted by the noise we had made. It put me on edge though. It was only one walker but it only took one. It took only one and being caught off guard and you'd be dead. Not the way I wanted to start my day.

"What happened to the horse?" I asked him after hours of silence.

He looked at me for a long moment before he replied, "I was caught in a hoard of walkers. They took it down, feeding on it as I escaped."

"I'm sorry." I told him. "I can't imagine what that was like."

"I met Glenn right after that." He smirked. "He's the one who got me out of the situation I was in."

Smiling, I met his eyes, "He's good like that."

"Then I met part of his group." He went on. "We went to his camp and there I found Lori and Carl. As well as Shane."

"Your best friend." I nodded.

He turned his head, meeting my eyes, "Yeah. At least I thought he was."

"I was told the basics on what happened." I admitted.

He smiled, "Yeah, I figured you'd have heard something."

"Everyone's story gets passed around eventually." I stated.

"Except yours." He said with furrowed brows. "Yours is still a mystery to just about everyone." I nodded at him. "Maggie knows. Michonne. Hershel. Daryl I'm sure knows."

"Glenn." I stated, getting a look from him. "I don't expect Maggie to keep secrets from him." He nodded. "But that's it. It's not something I talk about regularly."

"I know." He told me. "Is it that bad?"

"For me it is." I replied. "It's not a happy story, Rick. If you think yours is bad than mine is ten times worse."

He nodded, "I'm here though. If you want to talk about it."

"I talk to Michonne and Maggie." I nodded at him. He looked hurt by that. "But thank you."

"You're trying." He nodded.

We were quiet again, tossing food back and forth to each other as we continued down the road. Coming across a small town neither of us had been to before, we started to move from building to building, looking for anything useful. Finding a few more guns and several knives, as well as a box of ammo, we were feeling pretty good. And who wouldn't? We needed all the help we could get.

"Not bad." I smiled as we packed everything away. He smiled and nodded at me. "What?"

"You may have been right about coming out here." He replied.

Grinning, laughing lightly, I nodded at him, "I may not have been looking for anything but I'd say we made out okay so far."

He looked behind us at a large old house. "One more?"

"One more." I smiled.

A gate surrounded the property, realizing that it spread further back than it looked. Passing through the creaking gate, the walkway was a little intimidating. The large Victorian had clearly been abandoned a while ago, but sometimes that was where the most treasure was. Stepping into the foyer, it was massive and surprisingly impressive. There was a winding staircase and the whole bit. It was amazing. In its prime it would have been a sight to see.

"If the world hadn't fallen apart, I would so want to live here." I told him.

He nodded, "Can you imagine cleaning this place?"

"I'd hire someone." I smirked at him.

He chuckled, "Clearly you're rich in this fantasy world."

"Damn straight I am." I grinned at him. "Should we split up?" I asked next.

"No." He replied shaking his head. "Let's stick together."

Moving closer to him, we cleared the bottom floor before moving to the second. There were small creaking sounds but we both chalked it up to it being an old house. Clearing half the floor, I was starting to feel slightly discouraged. Hearing something, I held my knife out, moving toward the sound, Rick moving behind me. Pushing open a door, expecting a walker, I was met with bats flying in my face, making me jerk backward and right into Rick. He wrapped his arms around me, bending as they swooped around before finally moving down the hall.

"You okay?" He asked.

"Yeah." I said realizing I was gripping him tightly. Letting him go, I put my knife back, once again gripping my gun. "Sorry."

"It's fine." He said brushing my swooping bangs from my eyes.

Nodding, I moved forward, one room left at the end of the hall. Rick moved in front of me, momentarily reaching back, touching my arm before pushing the door open, swinging his gun from side to side in case of walkers.

"Anything?" I whispered from behind him. He didn't say anything. "Rick."

He relaxed, turning to me, "Look for yourself."

Moving past him, he flipped on a light switch to show a pile of goods stacked in the corner. Moving forward, I took in all the canned goods, practically going to my knees as I spotted a bag of cheese popcorn among the random bags, letting a laugh out.

"Holy shit." I said with awe.

Rick appeared at my side, "Yeah."

Looking at each other, I couldn't help but grin at him, putting my hand against his arm. He laughed lightly, yanking me into him. Only our happiness was cut short where there was a bang, making both of us look toward the door to our right. Rick took a tentative step toward it, me only a step behind him. There was another bang, making us both tense but we still moved forward. My grip on my gun was almost painful, staying close to him. He paused when there was a third bang and the cracking of wood. Looking back at me, I put my hand on his shoulder, shaking my head at him. He looked at the food, frowning before turning back to the door.

He reached his hand out but before he could grip the knob, the frame burst, walkers spilling out onto the floor. Falling backward, Rick did the same, shooting the walkers as they fell forward. Doing the same, I gripped the back of Rick's shirt, attempting to keep hold of him, still shooting the walkers. It seemed like they would never end. The floor jerked, a crack accompanying it. Rick looked at me and then the floor gave way. He gripped my arm as he fell through the hole, my shoulder jerking painfully as I held tight to him. Lying on my stomach, I gripped Rick with one hand, still shooting the walkers as best I could. They were falling through the hole, hearing them break apart as they hit the ground. One gripped Rick's leg as it fell through, making him jerk, his hand slipping down to my wrist. Swiftly shooting it, my stomach dropped as walkers started to make their way around the hole.

"Let me go." Rick told me.

"Are you crazy?!" I yelled at him.

"Linny!" He said making me meet his eyes. "Let me go."

Giving him a determined look, I kept shooting them, "No." He brought his gun up, shooting as he swung back and forth. As soon as they were all dead, I smiled down at him. "And you wanted me to let you go."

He chuckled, "Well, you didn't listen to me did you?"

"When do I ever listen to you?" I smirked.

Setting my gun aside, he put his away, gripping my other arm as I offered it to him. Attempting to pull him up, a walker staggered from the hole in the wall, falling forward. It latched onto Rick's back, yanking him from my grip. Screaming his name, he fell toward the debris. At the same time the floor underneath me gave way. Attempting to grip anything, I managed to hold tight to a piece of wood, slowing my fall before I swung, the board breaking free, sending me to the ground. Landing on my back, the air was forced from my lungs. I couldn't breathe. But in this moment it had nothing to do with the fall and everything to do with Rick being in the rubble filled with walkers.

"Rick!" I yelled rushing forward. Pulling my knife free, I stabbed a walker in the head as I scrambled up the pile. "Rick!" I yelled again as I started to shift the debris. There was a sound before I could see the white of Rick's shirt. "Rick!"

Reaching him, I pulled him up as he gripped my wrist tightly. When he was free, I practically threw him down the pile, dropping next to him and quickly started to check him. If he had been bitten than we needed to act immediately. I could save him. He would be okay.

Finding him unscathed, I threw my arms around his neck, "You scared the shit out of me. Never do that again."

He hugged me tightly, "I won't."

Leaning away, I met his eyes as he smiled at me. Sighing, I took his head in my hands, pressing my forehead against his. "Let's go." I finally told him, removing myself from him.

"And leave all that food?" He asked as he got to his feet.

"Let's just go, Rick." I told him pleadingly.

He smiled, briefly putting his hand against my face, "We're not leaving here empty handed."

Feeling anxious, I followed him as he walked back toward the stairs, "Rick."

"Linny." He smiled over his shoulder. "Are you telling me you don't want that cheese popcorn?"

"Of course I do." I replied. "But it's not worth our lives."

"We'll be fine."

Smirking at him, we spent the remainder of the day slowly transferring all the food downstairs. As soon as it was done, I looked at the pile. It was far too large for us to load onto both the horses.

"We clearly have a problem." I stated.

He nodded, shifting feet, "Yeah. Ideas?"

Going outside, I circled the back, finding a few walkers as I moved through the dying and overgrown garden. Coming across a shed, there was a small cart sitting next to it. It was meant for flowers and such but I figured we could finagle a way to make it work. Smiling, I pulled it to the front, calling to Rick. He came out and was immediately smiling at me, nodding his satisfaction.

Sitting around a small fire, night had fallen, the cart had been loaded, and now all we had to do was wait for morning before we headed home. With my back against my saddle, I wrote down everything that had happened. Just one more chapter on what it takes to survive in this new world. Maybe fifty years from now, after a few generations have been born into this fucked up world; someone will read these and learn. Maybe I'd even pass them down to my own children.

Children.

Scoffing at myself, I quickly finished and set it aside, slouching further down, staring up at the stars. Hearing Rick move, I frowned as he moved next to me, starting to settle down. Moving over, he slouched next to me, his arm pressing against mine. Looking at him, I relaxed my face, sighing. He didn't say anything. He simply looked up into the sky.

"What do you keep writing down?" He asked finally breaking the silence.

"I'm chronicling my life since all this started." I replied honestly.

He nodded, "Does it help?"

I looked at him, "Yeah, it does."

There was a long pause before he met my eyes, "Thank you."

"For what?"

"For saving my life." He replied.

Smiling, I shook my head, "I really didn't do much. You would have been able to get yourself out of it."

"Yeah." He stated. "But I'm still glad you were there."

Sighing, I hooked my arm through his, resting my head against his shoulder, "I'm glad you didn't die."

He smiled, moving his arm around me, my head moving to his chest. It was awkward but the closeness was nice. Emotion started to fill me and I felt my wall coming down. He knew what I was feeling. He knew the pain. He knew.

"I met Ben and Hannah months after it started. I had been on my own with a dog I'd rescued from work." I started. "I tried not to get involved but Ben wouldn't leave me alone. He'd been alone and I was a fucking mess." I went on. "He took me in. He made me see that the world wasn't a gone as I thought it was."

"You loved him?" He asked.

"I did." I replied. "I loved him more than I ever thought I could in this world. But before that, I'd been killing just about everyone I'd come across. I had no hope for people. People were the bad guys, not the dead. But he showed me I was wrong."

Pausing, he gently rubbed my arm, "You can tell me."

Sitting up, I looked at him, keeping his eyes. "I know."

"Okay." He replied and looked up at the stars again.

It took a few long minutes before I started to talk again. He'd earned my trust back. He wasn't a bad guy. He'd just made a bad decision. Telling him my story, he was quiet, silence filling the space between us before he started to talk. He told me about his marriage. He told me about the accident and when he woke up. He told me his story.

"Thank you." I told him when he was done.

He met my eyes, "Thank you."

Slouching down, he stayed at my side, falling asleep quickly. I was exhausted but I couldn't sleep. Every noise the woods made, made every inch of me stand on end. Him sleeping was enough for me. I could sleep when we got home. We'd been successful and had only nearly died once. I preferred less eventful outings, but it had turned out okay.

He made a noise, making me look down at him. He sighed, his head turning toward me. Smiling, I couldn't help but take him in. His hair was getting a little long and his beard could use a trim but he was a handsome man. Nothing I would have gone for but now that we were thrown together in this world, it was nice to be around him. He was a good man. Maybe even a great one. He would do right by his people and we would survive.

Sighing, I put my hand against his arm, keeping my eyes moving back and forth, listening to the horses for any sign of danger. As the hours ticked by, nothing happened. I honestly wasn't expecting anything to happen, but it didn't matter, I wasn't going to be getting any sleep tonight. Something I was used to. I wished I could just shut down and sleep, but the last time I'd done that outside in the open like this was when the walkers came and nearly killed me on the porch. Walls helped. Without them I just couldn't be at ease enough to sleep.

"Did you sleep at all?" Rick asked as we tacked up the horses.

Smiling, I shook my head, "I felt better keeping watch."

"We were safe." He stated.

Grinning, I folded my arms on top of the mare's rear. "Tell that to the pile of walkers in the mansion."

He came around, sighing as he stepped in front of me. "Everything worked out, Caroline."

"Still felt better keeping watch." I told him again.

He nodded, "Okay."

"Okay." I smirked before gently pushing him away from me, mounting the horse.