Chapter Twenty-two: Life is Short

Sitting in the corner of a cell, there was the constant sound of coughing and crying. Moans filling the air as people writhed, their insides trying to become their outsides. It had been hours and more and more people were being brought in. More and more people who were sick and we had no way of making them better. We didn't have antibiotics. We didn't have enough fluids for everyone. We didn't have what we needed and that meant people were going to die.

Rick had told me that we'd figure it out. I wanted to believe him. But I couldn't. There were too many factors that were moving against us. Fourteen of us had died already and that number was only going to rise. But I had also decided that I was going to survive. I had people to think about. People who were counting on me. I would hold on. I would fight. And I wasn't the only one. Glenn was sitting with me in a cell on the upper level. Both of us just staring as we felt worse and worse with each passing moment.

"Are we having fun yet?" I smirked at Glenn. We both started to laugh, only ending up in a coughing fit. "Sorry."

"No, no, laughing is good." He told me.

"I should be helping Hershel." I told him. "Other people need help and as long as I'm able I should be helping him. I know just about as much as he does."

"Caleb's got it." He replied.

"He's sick too, Glenn." I frowned at him. "We're all sick. All but Hershel. He needs my help."

Getting to my feet, I staggered toward the door. I'd barely made it three steps when my legs gave out, making me fall forward. I didn't have the energy to catch myself, unable to stop my head slamming into the railing, making my world go black.

When I woke up, I was lying on a bed. Glenn was still sitting on the floor just outside the cell. Hershel was with him. He was looking rough. I could only imagine what I looked like. Slowly sitting up, I swung my legs over the edge, feeling nauseous, throwing up before I looked at them. Hershel looked up and then was moving to me. He tilted my head back, looking at my eyes before probing my head and my cheekbone.

"How are you feeling?" He asked.

I smirked up at him, "Is that a real question?"

He smirked back at me, "Worse than before?"

I frowned, shaking my head, "I feel weird."

He frowned at me, kneeling down, "Caroline."

"My head hurts." I told him, putting my hand against his shoulder.

"Caroline." He repeated with worry.

Taking several deep breaths, I nodded at him, "I think I'm okay. As okay as I can be."

He let out a relieved breath, "You have to hang on, Linny. People are counting on you."

Laughing, I nodded, "Yeah. I'll do my best."

He sighed, putting his hand against my face. "Daryl's been asking for you. Rick, too. Ray. There's an observation room where you can see and talk to them."

"No." I told him with seriousness. "I don't want them to see me like this. Especially Ray. She's already lost enough. She doesn't need to see me like this. She can see me when I get through it."

He smiled and nodded at me. "You know that won't stop any of them, right?"

Laughing lightly, coughing, I nodded at him, "Yeah. I know."

Sasha stepped into the cell, sitting down next to me, resting her head on my shoulder. Sighing, I did the same, taking her hand. She made a soft noise, smiling as she relaxed against me. Smiling back at her, I embraced her, hugging her as tightly as I could without shaking.

"Daryl's at the observation window." She told me. "He wants to see you before he leaves on his run."

"The possible useless run that will take people away from home when the people they care about are probably going to die before they get back." I told her coldly.

She simply smiled and took my hand, forcing me up and out of the cell. Letting her, when we got to the small hallway that led to the observation room I paused. I wasn't sure I could face them. She stopped and looking at me, smiling and nodded before she gently pushed me down it. Sighing, moving from side to side, unsteady on my feet, I paused in the doorway, seeing Daryl on the other side of the glass. He was pacing, chewing on his lip like he usually did. Smiling, I staggered forward, tripping on a chair before I moved toward the glass.

"Care." He said and moved to where I leaned against the frame of it, looking up at him. "Jesus."

"I know, right?" I smirked at him. "I'm looking pretty amazing."

He nodded at me, "Always."

Laughing, I shifted backward, finding a chair, "This is selfish of me but…don't go." He froze and looked at me. "I said it was selfish."

"You need medicine. Everybody does." He replied. "Hershel made us a map. There's a vet school that could have the meds we need. Someone needs to go."

"I know." I nodded, tears in my eyes. "And I know you're the best guy for the job. I just…I don't want to never see you again. I don't want to die without you."

"Then I guess you should fight." He told me. "Fight, Linny. I'll see you soon." He didn't say anything else, not hesitating to walk away.

"Daryl." I said standing, moving to the window, pressing my hands to the glass. "Daryl!" Then I hit my hand against it. "Daryl, please!" Hearing someone, Ray came into view. "Hey."

She nodded. "I'm going with him."

"No." I frowned at her. "No, honey, stay here."

"And do what?" She asked. "Wait for them to tell me you're dead? I can help, Caroline. I can help you and you need to let me."

Keeping her eyes for a long moment, I finally nodded, "Take care of him for me."

She just smiled at me, "I will."

Smiling, I motioned her to go, "Get out of here."

She nodded and left, leaving me there alone. For a long moment I just stood there, looking through the glass. Only then my emotions got the better of me. Dropping to my knees, I pressed my forehead to the wall, starting to sob it quickly turned to coughing, leaving me barely able to breathe. Gasping, I felt my lungs protest. It didn't take long for my coughing getting the better of me, and the taste of blood filled my mouth. Forcing myself to calm down, I rolled, sitting against the wall, trying too hard to take a deep breath.

Hearing steps, I looked up, seeing Hershel. "It's starting." I told him.

He sighed and stepped forward, sitting in a chair. "How bad?"

"Just a little blood coming up." I replied, shaking my head.

He nodded, "Don't give up yet, Caroline."

I smiled at him, "I'm not, Hershel. I'm gonna fight. It's just…"

"You've been ready to die for a long time." He finished for me.

I felt relieved to have him say it, letting my shoulders drop. "Yeah." Only then I frowned at him. "Only I'm not anymore. I'm not ready." Tears started to fall again, a cough coming on, making me swallow a mouthful of blood. "I'm not ready, Dad. I'm not ready."

He smiled at me with his proud dad expression. "I know, sweetheart. I know."

Getting to my feet, I reached for him, letting him pull me to him, wrapping my arms around his neck as I sobbed into him. "I love you."

"I love you, Caroline."

Leaning away, I wiped the tears from my cheeks, feeling extremely lightheaded. "Enough of that. I'm sure work needs to be done."

"I do have rounds to make." He smiled.

"Good." I nodded, wiping tears again. "I'll help."

"Are you up for that?"

Smiling, I nodded at him again, "I am. I need to do something. I can't just wait to die."

"Okay." He said and stood. "Let's go."

He led me to a bucket on the table, handing me a cup. "Before we start, drink this."

I took it, looking in it tentatively, "What is it?"

"Elderberry tea." He replied. "Should help keep your fever down."

Laughing, I ended up coughing, waiting for it to pass before downing the cup as quickly as possible. He handed me another and I leaned against the wall, sipping it slowly, trying to swallow as slow as possible so it coated my throat on the way down. My mouth and throat felt so dry it was starting to throb. My head and face hurt and I couldn't remember exactly why. Shutting my eyes, I took slow deep breaths, trying to will myself to feel better.

Going through the motions, Hershel and I moved from cell to cell, checking on everyone, giving them tea, doing anything and everything to keep them alive. We lost one, forcing me to stab him through his head before we moved him from the block. After we were done, Hershel made sure I got back to my cell, handing me a cup of tea before demanding that I get some rest. Not fighting with him, I laid back, shutting my eyes and thought of those I cared about. They would be okay. I'd be okay. We would all be okay.

It took an agonizingly long time but I finally fell asleep, feeling like it was only a second before I was rudely awoken my Hershel yelling in my face. I cracked my eyes open to see his so close to mine that I jumped.

"What the hell is going on?" I asked him. He took a relieved breath, making me frown at him, "Hershel? You okay?"

He nodded, "I am. Here." He said handing me a cup of tea.

"Are you trying to drown me?" I frowned as he helped me sit up. "All I've been doing is drinking tea."

He laughed and nodded at me, putting his hand against my forehead. "Do you feel worse than before?"

"About the same." I told him. "Not as weird though."

"Good. You need to keep resting. Be sure you let me know if your symptoms radically change."

Looking at him I smirked, "If I start coughing up blood again I'll be sure to find you." He smiled but shook his head. Turning serious, I met his eyes, "How many have died?"

"You don't need to worry about that." He replied.

"Hershel, there is a good chance I'm not getting out of here. I'd like a ballpark of how much time I have left."

"Why?" He asked. "Going to finally let the people who care about you see you?"

"Maybe." I smirked, then added, "Daryl and Ray saw me briefly."

"And you think that's enough?" He frowned at me.

My expression grew somber, "I think I'm dying and I don't want to be watched or badgered while I do it."

He sighed and nodded at me, "I can understand that, Caroline. I really can. But I'm here to tell you that that is not going to happen. People care about you. They love you. You need to let them. You need to see them or you'll never forgive yourself."

"It won't matter if I'm dead." I smirked at him.

"You're impossible."

I smiled wider at him, "I do have my moments."

"Well, I love you, Caroline. I love you and I am not going to let you die alone and without seeing the people you love. Even if you think it's to save them pain." He told me with certainty.

Smiling, I wiped a tear as it slid down my cheek, "I love you, too."

"I know you do." He smiled.

There was a long moment of silence as I attempted to swallow the large lump that had formed in my throat. Then I sighed and looked up at him, more tears falling, "I want to save them pain. I'm not giving up, Hershel. I'm still going to fight. It's just that…I'm tired. I'm tired and I'm scared and I have no control over anything that's going on."

"Then let go, Caroline." He smiled at me. "Let go and keep fighting and help where you can."

"Am I helping?" I asked him. "I mean, I want to help and I feel like I am, but…is anything we're doing actually helping?"

"Yes." He told me matter-of-factly.

Smiling, I nodded at him, "Okay."

He nodded, "You up for it?"

"Might keep me going longer."

"Or kill you faster." Glenn piped up.

"Well aren't you just a ray of sunshine. You're positivity is astonishing."

He smirked at me, "Shut up."

I agreed with him completely, fighting through my own thoughts and feelings. Standing, I was steadier than I thought I would be. I downed my cup of tea and moved to the door. "Let's do this."

Focusing on other people helped me focus less on myself. Moving from cell to cell, starting on opposite ends of the block, Hershel and I reassessed all the patients. Setting up IV's for those who desperately needed the fluids. Part of me wanted one for myself but I hadn't gotten that selfish yet. Drinking as much tea as I could stomach, it didn't seem to matter. I felt thirsty constantly. Dehydration would kill me just as quickly as being sick. The thought made me anxious but I kept moving, kept assessing, kept thinking of all the reasons I needed to get out of here alive. One minute it worked, the next it didn't, but I kept moving forward. I'd keep moving for as long as I could.

Sitting on the floor against the wall, the observation window was above me. I could hear his breathing but neither of us had said anything yet. I was okay with simply being silent. Words only complicated things. This was one of those moments where you express all your deepest feelings just in case something happened and you never got another chance. Well, I wasn't about to pour my heart out or to say things just to make him feel better. The only thing that would help would be to live.

So far, so good.

"Say something." He finally said, breaking the silence. "Let me know you're still there."

"I've been thinking." I replied softly.

There was a long pause before he asked, "About what?"

"Philip." I stated. "Woodbury. Death. You."

"Linny." He said sadly. "Don't do this."

"Don't do what?" I asked him. "Think about the past?"

"We moved on from that."

"And it feels like we jumped into something else just as fast."

"It's not going to work." He told me matter-of-factly.

"Forgiving you changed things but I can't forget what you did."

"Don't do this." He repeated.

"You think you know what it felt like."

"Linny."

"You think you can understand what I went through."

"Stop."

"All because of you."

"Stop!" He yelled and slammed his hand against the glass.

"An emotional response." I smiled.

"We're not going back to that."

"Where are we going then, Rick?" I asked him. "Because I'm pretty sure I'm going to my grave."

"Linny." He said sadly. Looking up, I could see his hand against the glass. "Linny." I just looked at his hand. "I made a mistake."

I laughed, "A mistake."

"Why now? After everything, why bring it up again? Why start hating me again?"

"Did I say that, Rick?" I asked him.

"What are you saying?" He asked clearly frustrated.

Sighing, I felt tears start, "I don't know, Rick."

"No more games. Just talk to me."

"When I die, it'll be easier if there are no attachments." I replied, feeling everything grow distant.

"You're not going to die."

Laughing again, it turned into a harsh coughing fit, tasting the iron in my mouth. "I really am, Rick."

"I don't believe that."

"Why not?"

"Because you're a fighter."

"You've told me that before."

"Is it always going to come down to that?" He asked. "It may be the biggest mistake I've ever made but I did it because I thought I was doing right by my people."

"Would you do it again?"

"Never." He replied quickly. "Never, Linny."

"Never?"

"I would never do that to you again. I shouldn't have done it the first time. I have to live with that guilt."

"Good."

"But…"

"But?"

"I need you." He replied. "I think I need you."

Smiling, I reached my hand up, pressing it against the glass. He moved his over mine. Rolling onto my knees, I slowly stood, bracing myself against the small ledge of the window. Meeting his eyes, I simply continued to smile at him. He smiled back, nodding at me sadly. Shrugging, I shook my head at him. His brows furrowed and he lowered his eyes, nodding again.

"You picked a really bad time to start something." I teased.

He nodded, "But I'm gonna finish it."

Laughing lightly, I put my hand against the glass again, "I'm sorry."

"Don't be."

"I just figured if I picked a fight, it wouldn't hurt as much."

He nodded, "It would hurt, Linny."

Smiling, it quickly turned into a sob, "I'm scared, Rick. I'm so scared."

He swiftly put his hand against mine, "I'm here, Linny. I'm not going anywhere."

"Okay." I told him.

"You're not either."

"Okay." I repeated.

"Linny," He said with seriousness, "you're gonna be okay."

"Okay." I repeated again, more air than sound.

"You gotta be." He added. "For Ray. I haven't been in charge of her long and she's already driving me crazy."

"I thought she went on the run with Daryl." I frowned at him. "That's what she told me."

"I convinced her to stay." He replied.

"Why?"

"For you. For her. I didn't think she'd be able to forgive herself if you died and she wasn't here."

Sighing, I nodded, "So what is she doing?"

"Helping reinforce the fences." He replied. "And talking. Lots and lots of talking." I laughed and nodded at him. "Does she ever shut up?"

"She talks when she's anxious. I've learned that. Silence is indifference. Talking is anxiousness." I paused to take a deep breath, my chest painful. "She's scared, Rick. You gotta reassure her."

"I'm trying." He nodded. "But it's hard to reassure her when I can't reassure myself."

Laughing lightly, I cocked my head at him, "Like you said, I'm gonna be fine. We all are. We're holding on. We're fighting."

"Good."

"But it sucks, Rick." I told him with seriousness. "It hurts. All the time. My throat is like sandpaper. I'm coughing up blood. And when the bleeding starts to reach my ears, eyes, and nose, there is a small window before you choke to death on it."

"Linny." He frowned.

"I've dealt with one since I've been in here, but I've passed out a couple times and I'm pretty sure I nearly gave Hershel a heart attack." I went on, getting a nod in return. "What did he tell you?"

"You went south pretty fast before you bounced back. Your face is all bruised from hitting the railing."

Nodding, I sighed, "That would explain the headache and pain when I raise my eyebrow." Touching my right one, I waved it off. "Whatever. I'm fighting, Rick. I'm helping. So are Glenn and Sasha. We're doing the best we can."

"I know." He nodded. "I'd expect nothing less."

"Even if it seems a bit hopeless and pointless."

"Don't let it break you." He told me. "Just keep going."

I nodded at him, "Okay."

"Linny." He said looking so sad.

Just looking at him for a long moment, I finally nodded, averting my eyes, "You should probably go."

He nodded, "Yeah." He didn't move, making me smile and shake my head at him. "I'll see you soon."

"You will." I smiled. "One way or another." He frowned, nodding before he swiftly walked away. "Be safe." I added though he was already gone.

Turning, I went to move to the hallway, only to have my head start to spin, my vision blurring. It was hard to breathe, a coughing fit taking me over before I fell to my knees. Gasping and coughing, blood was starting to build up on the floor. When I finally got control of myself, I sat on my heels, taking slow deep breaths.

"I'm okay." I told myself. "I'm okay. I'm okay. I'm okay."

"Linny." Sasha said as she stumbled toward me, falling to her knees. "You okay?"

I nodded, "Of course I am."

She looked at the blood, "Of course you are."

Smiling, I pushed myself up onto my feet. Holding my hand out to her, she gripped it, pulling herself up. "We all have jobs." I told her. "Mine is to help where I can. Right now I need to help Hershel."

She nodded, smiling, "Me, too."

We staggered down the hall into the cell block. Looking up, I was about to call out to Hershel when there was a sound from next to me. Turning, I put my hands up, pressing against a hard chest as Steve attempted to bite my face off. I wanted to push him away from me. I wanted to take care of it. But my legs gave out and I fell backward, my arms shaking with the weight of him on top of me. Crying out, I thought this was going to be the end, only then there was a knife in his head and he was pushed off of me. Looking at him, emotion filled me and I scrambled away. Feeling an arm around me, I momentarily panicked before I recognized who it was.

"It's okay, Linny." Glenn told me, his embrace tight. "You're safe."

Gripping him tightly, I started to cry, coughing taking hold. Feeling my eyes role into the back of my head, I attempted to get air into my lungs, but nothing was working. Everything was getting quiet. Then there was force against my back and blood spattered from my mouth. Gasping, I took in several breaths, feeling cold and shaky as I felt myself start to stabilize. Opening my eyes, I was still in Glenn's arms, his hand continuously running down my hair. Hugging his arm to me, I relaxed in his arms, letting him comfort me. Sitting up, I wrapped my arms around his neck, hugging him tightly as I gently gripped his hair.

"Thank you."

"We're gonna be okay, Linny." He told me.

"I know." I smiled as I leaned away, putting my hand against his face. "If I let you die, Maggie would kill me."

He smiled, pulling me against him, "She'd kill me if I let you die, too."

Laughing lightly, I slowly got to my feet, holding my hand out to him. He took it and I used too much energy to help him up, momentarily swaying on my feet. Then Hershel had his hands on me. Meeting his eyes, he smiled at me, making me do the same.

"You're tough. I'll give you that." He told me.

Grinning, I coughed a few times, nodding at him, "I'm also kind, adorable, self-sufficient, loud, but most importantly…extremely stubborn."

He laughed lightly, nodding at me, "Good."

Taking care of the body, the three of us made rounds with Hershel, once again helping in any way that we could. Drinking as much tea as I could, I was still planning on surviving this. I had to. Ray was counting on me. She'd already lost everyone in her life. She didn't deserve to lose anyone else.

Hearing something odd, I looked up, someone was choking. Darting up the stairs, Henry was on the ground choking on his own blood. Rolling him, blood poured out of his mouth. Hershel was there a second later, as well as Glenn and Sasha.

"How do you move that fast?" Glenn smirked at me.

"You can move as fast as you need to when you have purpose." I told him.

He nodded, "I'll have to try and remember that."

Holding him as still as possible, Hershel intubated him, attaching an ambu bag, forcing air into his lungs. The danger passed for the moment, making me look around. We all looked like hell. My plan to survive seemed to quickly be imploding. As much as I wanted it didn't mean it was going to happen. Any of us could go at any moment. I wasn't sure we were going to get out of this. Sure, we could hold it at bay, but in the end I felt like this would be all of us.

Sitting against the wall, we were all catching our breath, though my head was spinning and for a moment my eyes rolled into the back of my skull and I fell to the side. For a moment there were only muffled voices, but then I opened my eyes to see Glenn and Hershel hovering over me.

"I'm okay." I told them. "Take note, Glenn, moving that fast is not a good thing." He chuckled and leaned down, pressing a kiss against my forehead. Sitting up, I smiled at them, "This is fun."

"I think we need new rules." Hershel told us, still breathing for Henry. "Spaghetti Tuesdays every Wednesday." He said making me grin at him. "But first we need to find some spaghetti."

Laughing, I ended up coughing, blood spilling from my mouth without permission. Taking gasping breaths, I was gripping Hershel's arm with a shaky hand while Sasha squeezed the bag keeping Henry alive.

"You need to rest." He told me. "And drink more tea."

"I don't think there's enough tea in the world that is going to make me better, Hershel." I replied sadly.

He looked at me with more concern then I wanted to see. "You need to rest."

Looking out into the cell block, I could hear the coughing and crying with the scent of blood and death in the air. "I'm afraid that if I lay down to rest that I'm never going to wake up."

"I won't let that happen." Hershel told me.

"You won't have a choice." I smiled at him sweetly.

"Caroline…" He frowned, shaking his head.

"I know, Daddy." I grinned at him, tears in my eyes. "I love you, too."

He pulled me into a tight hug, telling me softly, "You're not allowed to go anywhere. You hear me?"

"I hear you." I replied, hugging him as tightly as I could.

"I love you, Linny."

"I love you."

"Now than. You need to rest and I'll come check on you in a few minutes."

Nodding, I stood and staggered to my cell. Lying down, I listened for several minutes, still afraid to shut my eyes. Finally closing them, I was asleep in seconds. I was so tired. But I didn't want to die alone. I wanted to see Rick and Daryl. I wanted to see Ray. And Maggie and Michonne. I wasn't ready to die yet.

Waking to blood in my mouth, coughing it up, I rolled out of bed, landing on my hands and knees as it strung from my mouth to the floor. Gasping, for a second I thought this was the moment I was going to die. But then air filled my lungs and the panic started to ebb away. Getting to my feet, I fell out of the door, looking up and down the cells.

"Hershel?" I called as loudly as I could. Nothing. "Glenn?"

Staggering onto my feet, I gripped the bars, falling backward as a walker slammed against them. We were dying. We were losing the fight. Daryl and the others had to come back soon or it was all going to be. Making my way to the observation room, I could hear Hershel talking, seeing Glenn just outside the room. Sighing, I took a tentative step forward, running my hand down Glenn's hair as I passed him.

"Linny." Maggie said, a broad smile crossing her face.

"Maggie." I said and rushed to the glass as fast as I could muster, falling against it. "I'm so happy to see you."

"You're looking…." She started but trailed off.

I nodded at her, "I know. I look like shit. I don't have much time left. How long has Daryl been gone?"

"A couple days." She replied.

Frowning, I looked at Hershel, "How long was I out?"

"About sixteen hours." He told me.

"Huh." I replied with a frown. "I don't feel like I slept at all."

He smiled, rubbing my back, "But it did you good."

"I woke up to a coughing fit, chocking on my own blood. I managed to get it out but…"

"Linny." Maggie said sadly.

"I'm going to be fine." I told her matter-of-factly. "Maggie, I'm going to be fine. Glenn is going to be fine." She nodded and started to cry. "Don't, Maggie. Please. If you start then I'm going to start and I just…I need to see you smile." She forced a smile and nodded at me. "Thank you."

"Well, I have rounds to make." Hershel said pressing a kiss against my cheek.

"I'll help you."

He pointed his finger at me, "You stay and visit with Maggie."

I smiled, "Yes, sir."

He walked away, leaving me alone with Maggie. Wrapping my arms around myself, I was unsteady on my feet. She put her hand against the glass and I quickly put mine against hers. Tears started to fall and I couldn't do anything other than shake my head, my shoulders bouncing as I cried. She joined me, putting her other hand against the glass.

"It's going to be okay, Linny." She told me. "Daryl will come home and he will have the medicine we need to fix this."

"I don't have that much time, Maggie." I told her.

Coughing, unable to stop, I fell against the glass, blood streaking it as I fell to the ground. It was starting. This was it. I could hear Maggie yelling but it was muffled in my ears. Then Hershel was above me, saying something but I couldn't make it out. For a moment I was amused as I thought of Charlie Brown's teacher. I liked thinking about that more than the fact that I was dying. I would never see Rick again. There were so many things I wanted to say. So many people that I wanted to see. This wasn't supposed to be happening. I wasn't supposed to die like this. But I knew I was going to as blood filled my mouth, spilling over but there was no air getting into my lungs. My vision started to fail and sound was getting quieter.

This was it.

Time to go.

Good luck.