Chapter Thirty: To Be Together Again
Staying close to Daryl, I found it extremely hard to put any distance between us at all. He'd disappeared with Carol only to come back with a complete stranger instead of our friend, telling us that Beth was being kept as a hospital in Atlanta and that Carol had been hit by a car and was going to end up there as well. In theory that didn't sound horrible, only the boy he had with him – Noah – had painted quite the horror story about the place they were at. We needed to get our people out of there. We needed to finally reunite with them and then find Maggie and Glenn. Beth needed her sister. So did I.
Following Daryl inside, he loaded my arms with the pipes from the organ, loading his own before we went back outside. Slamming them into the ground, what happened only solidified our need to reinforce the church. Our hope of moving on was dashed with what they told us. We'd have to stay here a while longer. Something that I was okay with and yet I just wanted to leave.
"Are you going to take the cross too?" Gabriel asked us.
"If we need it." Daryl told him.
Keeping working, Noah was helping board up the windows as Sasha took an axe to the pews. Keeping close to Daryl, the distance between us got smaller and smaller, and I had to fight the urge not to tie him to me to keep him here.
"I'm not goin' anywhere." He finally told me.
"No." I shot at him. "You already did."
He sighed and looked at me, "What do you want me to say?"
"I don't know." I replied. "But you weren't here. They came for us. Bob is dead. Maggie and Glenn are gone and you weren't here."
"You don't need me, Linny." He said as he kept working.
"I do actually." I replied. "I may not need you to do what I have to do. To survive. But as for me – me – I do need you."
"You got Rick."
Scoffing, I shook my head at him, "I do. I'm in love with Rick." He shot me a look. "But I love you, Daryl. You're my brother, my family, and I need you just as much as I need him and the rest of our family."
"Nice speech." He said and moved away from me.
"Don't be an asshole." I shot at him. "I want Carol back just as much as you do. Be with her if you want to; stop trying to make me feel bad about being with Rick."
"I don't want to be with her." He shot at me. "But she's…"
"I know." I nodded. "I know what she is. You need her, Daryl. I get that. But I need you in the same way."
He nodded, "I get it."
"Good."
"Linny." Rick said moving toward me. I turned to him. "We need to talk."
I frowned at him, "That doesn't sound good."
He nodded and I swiftly took his hand, following him as we stepped away from the church and everyone else, moving just far enough away to be alone. Stopping, he looked uneasy and I hated when he felt uneasy. It usually meant that something was about to happen and that I was more than likely going to be left out of it.
"We need to go after Carol and Beth." He told me.
"I know." I nodded. "I'll go with you." He was silent, meeting my eyes. I sighed and nodded slowly. "I guess I'll be waiting for you here."
He smiled, taking my head in his hands, "I need you to stay here."
"Okay." I told him.
"Don't be mad."
"I'm not mad." I replied with annoyance. "I just don't want to stay behind while you go out there and face god knows what."
He smiled, rubbing my cheeks, "Always the worrier."
"It just means that I care." I smiled at him.
He brought his face to mine, parting his lips, letting them rest against mine before kissing me deeply. Pressing myself against him, I took his head in my hands as well, deepening the kiss as much as possible.
"I love you." He whispered to me.
Grinning, I kissed him again, "I love you."
"So you're okay with this?" He asked.
"No." I laughed lightly. "I am not okay with staying behind. I'd really prefer to be with you. But I trust you, Rick, and you've always let me make my own decisions. It's only fair that I do the same for you."
He smiled, nodding at me, "I trust you above all others. And you're right; I let you make your own decisions. You're your own person, Caroline. I'm not going to try and take that from you. Even if I don't agree."
"Likewise." I smirked and kissed him again.
He took my hand, leading me back to the church and inside. He took Judith from Carl, pacing back and forth with her. He was worried. He should be but still…I hated seeing him worry. That was my job. I was okay with taking on all the worry. Especially now that we knew where our people were and it wasn't going to be easy to get them out. We also knew that they couldn't waste time. It was early and if all went well then they could be there and back before the sun went down.
"All right." He finally said and handed her to me, kissing me before looking at his son. "We'll be back soon."
"I know." Carl said looking up at him.
"Be safe." I told him.
He leaned in and kissed me, letting his lips linger against mine before kissing me again, swiftly leaving the church. I watched as everyone filed out, taking a slow deep breath, meeting Michonne's eyes and offered her a smile. She smiled and nodded back. Sighing, I handed Judith to her brother, following Michonne to the door, nailing it shut with boards.
As soon as it was done, I went to Carl, pressing a kiss against his forehead before taking Judith from him. Sitting in one of the pews, I slouched, putting my feet against the back of the one in front of me, setting her in my lap. She gripped my fingers as she bounced her butt, making happy sounds as I beamed at her, making noises and blowing in her face. She shrieked, bounced, smiled…she was the reason we needed to fight. She was the future. She was everything.
"Pick one. You need to learn how to defend yourself. We can teach you." Carl said, making me look up.
Gabriel had been trying to clean the blood from the floor. There was no point. It was a stain and would be there unless it was cut up and replaced with clean wood. Only now Carl was standing in front of him having laid out a row of weapons.
"Defend myself?" Gabriel frowned up at him. "They said they would go."
"They were liars and murderers." Carl replied.
I raised a brow, watching them, though Judith smacked me in the face, making me turn my attention back to her. But I was listening closely.
"Just like us." Gabriel stated.
"We protected ourselves." Carl stated. "They wanted us dead. You're lucky your church has lasted this long. You can't stay in one place anymore. Not for too long. And once you're out there, you're gonna find trouble you can't hide from. You need to know how to fight."
He wasn't wrong. That was exactly how the world was now. I looked at Michonne and she looked back at me sadly. Sighing, I nodded at her, attempting to pull Judith against me but she was too awake to cuddle, even if that was all I wanted from her right now. Looking back at Gabriel, I watched him pick a machete.
"Good choice." Carl nodded. "But you're not holding it right. You've got to be able to drive it down 'cause sometimes their skulls aren't as soft and you need to be able –"
"I'm sorry. No." Gabriel said getting up. "I need to lie down."
We all watched him go to the rectory and shut the door. Carl looked at me but I simply shrugged. He picked up the weapons and put them back in the bag. Then he came and sat next to me, slouching down as he gently played with Judith's foot.
"You tried." I told him softly.
"I know."
"That's all we can do, Carl. You can't make him try if he doesn't want to."
"He took the knife."
"He did." I nodded. "I just hope he doesn't hurt somebody with it."
He smiled, "Probably will."
Laughing lightly, I shook my head at him, "Not nice."
"You saw him with it. He doesn't know the first thing about holding a knife."
"No, he does not." I replied. "He'll probably end up hurting himself."
"Now who's the not nice one?" He smirked up at me.
Talking for a while, Michonne came and sat with us, playing a few rounds of twenty-questions before we got bored of it. Singing to Judith, she was finally starting to settle down. Michonne was watching the rectory door. No sound had come from it since he'd gone inside. She looked at me and I nodded, knowing she was curious as to what the hell he was doing. She stood up and went to the door, knocking lightly.
"Yes?" He asked as he cracked the door open.
"You, uh…you said you weren't feeling good. You doing okay?" Michonne asked him gently.
"Yeah, I was just resting."
"I know all this is new to you. All of it. I just wanted to tell you, for you to know…the things that we do…they're worth it."
"I already took the machete. What more do you want from me?" He asked, sounding annoyed.
"I don't want anything from you. I'm just trying to help."
"Thank you."
He shut the door and she came and sat down again. I looked at her, "That wasn't suspicious at all."
"He's struggling."
"So you think he's okay?"
She nodded, "As okay as he can be. We came in here and destroyed everything he had. Can you blame him?"
"I don't blame him. But I also don't trust him in the slightest."
"Give him a chance." Carl told me.
"Why?" I frowned down at him.
"We gave you a chance."
Sighing, I nodded, "You did."
"Think of it as a pay-it-forward kind of thing."
I raised a brow at him, "Definitely not a pay-it-forward kind of thing. We do that and we'll end up one of the dead."
"Fine." He said sounding slightly annoyed with me. "Just do it for me then."
"Fine." I replied.
He looked at Michonne.
"Fine." She smiled and wrapped her arm around him.
Starting to talk to pass the time, we were actually enjoying ourselves, laughing, when we heard screaming. Looking at Michonne, I thrust Judith into Carl's arms and we both darted for the windows.
"Please! Let me in! Please! Let me in! They're close!" Gabriel screamed.
"How the hell did he get out?" I asked as I moved to the door, attempting to pry the nails loose with a hammer.
"Help! Please don't leave me out here! Please! Don't leave me out here!" Gabriel was screaming. "Caroline! Carl! Michonne! I had to see it! I know now! Let me live with it!"
Not succeeding, Michonne touched my shoulder and I quickly stepped back as she took an axe to them. He was still pounding on the door, screaming all the while. When we finally got them open, the dead started to flood in. Gabriel rushed past us and Michonne and I stood there, watching them. Pulling my knife free, I looked at her as she pulled free her sword. We started to cut them down, attempting to push them back. There were too many of them. Gripping Michonne's arm, we rushed backward. Michonne grabbed Judith who was in her backpack.
"The rectory, come on." Carl said and we all rushed toward it.
Attempting to slam the door shut, the dead were already there, sticking their fingers through the door. Pushing as hard as possible, they started to pile up, the force of them making it impossible to make it shut entirely.
"Ideas?" I asked Michonne as we both struggled to keep the door shut.
Then I jumped as Gabriel slammed into the space between us. He motioned behind us, looking to see a hole in the floor. "That's how I got out. Crawl under to the back. Just go. Take the little one and go."
I didn't hesitate as I turned and pulled Judith from Michonne's back, handing her to Carl. Dropping into the hole, I swiftly crawled out of it, turning to see Carl with Judith right behind me. Pushing him against the wall, I waited for Michonne, gripping her and quickly pulled her free. Staying, I went against my best judgment and waited for Gabriel. He froze when he saw me standing over him. Offering him my hand, he took it and I helped him to his feet.
"Come on." Michonne told him.
Gabriel shook his head, "I can't run any more."
"We're not running." Michonne stated.
Smiling, I looked at Carl, "No more running."
Circling back to the front, Michonne and I killed the stragglers that were left outside, barricading the dead inside. Stepping back, we waited to see if it would hold. Seeing if any of them would make it out. When nothing happened, we finally relaxed a little, moving backward and standing at the fence. Carl had Judith on his back now. I sat on top of it, making faces at the baby as she leaned against her brother.
"Where did you go?" Michonne asked Gabriel.
"The school. I had to see. I had to know."
Then we all looked to the church, they were starting to break through.
"Damn it." I said as I dropped to my feet.
Carl looked up at me, "Where do we go?"
Before I could reply, there was the sound of a vehicle approaching. Looking, a fucking firetruck roared up with Abe behind the wheel. Starting to laugh, the door opened and Maggie dropped from inside of it. I didn't think twice to throw myself at her, hugging her tightly as she did the same. Then she was hugging Michonne.
"What the hell?" I asked Glenn as I hugged him.
"You guys okay?" Maggie asked.
Michonne smiled, "Yeah."
"Better than okay now." I beamed at her.
"You're back." Michonne said as more of a question.
"Eugene lied." Glenn told us sadly. "He can't stop it. Washington isn't the end. Where is everybody?"
"We have news." I smiled and looked at Maggie.
Michonne was already stepping up to her, "Beth's alive. She's in a hospital in Atlanta. Some people have her, but the others went to get her back."
Emotion immediately started to spill from her. She looked at me and I nodded. "Do we know which one?"
"Grady Memorial."
"Oh, my God."
She turned to her husband and embraced him. You could feel her relief. Beth was alive and by the end of the day the sisters would be reunited. They were all the blood they had left. We all may be family, but blood was blood. If I knew my family was alive, I couldn't say I wouldn't go after them.
"How you holdin' up?" Abraham asked.
"Better now." I smiled.
"Let's blow this joint, go save your sister." Tara smiled at her.
Loading in, we started out, Rosita and Abraham in the front, the rest of us bouncing along in the back of the cab. Maggie couldn't stop smiling and I couldn't stop looking at them. They were here. They were here and we were going to get Beth and Carol back. Our family was going to be whole again. But as happy as I was to be together again, I couldn't help but feel the betrayal that Eugene had dealt. He had put my family in danger over a lie just to save his own skin.
"He's not worth it." Maggie told me.
"I still think yelling at him would make me feel better." I smirked at her.
"It might." She replied. "But it's still not worth it. He was trying to save himself. That's all any of us are trying to do. Survive. He's sorry, Caroline. He wants to be a part of the group. He wants to do the right thing."
"He should have thought of that before he made you and Glenn take off with them." I told her angrily.
She just smiled at me, "We made the decision." I couldn't help but glare at her.
Then Glenn was leaning toward me, "We're home now, Linny. We're not going anywhere."
"But you did." I told him as tears filled my eyes. "You did leave and…" I had to stop.
"It's okay." Carl said softly from next to me.
Looking at him, I shook my head, leaning forward putting my forearms on my knees, bowing my head as I tried to rein my emotions in. We were back together but I was still pissed about Eugene and how he had risked them over a lie. I was mad and yet we were on our way to reunite with the rest of our family. I was feeling everything. We would still have the church if Gabriel hadn't been so stupid. Things could have been so different and yet now it felt like everything was falling apart again.
"It's okay." Carl told me again.
I looked at him, leaning against his side, "I know."
Maggie took my hands, "We're here now, Caroline. I'm sorry for everything but we're here now. I love you."
Meeting her eyes, I smiled, "I love you, too."
"Me, too." Glenn said putting his hand over ours.
"Me, too." Michonne said doing the same.
Then Carl and Judith who smacked the hands that were in reach. Looking at Tara, I smiled, nodding at her and she too put her hand with ours. Embracing each other, there was smiling and laughing, knowing that we weren't alone. Maggie was right. No matter the circumstances, we were together again.
When we got to the hospital, everyone's anxiousness was tangible in the air. As soon as the truck stopped, we were out and moving toward the door. It looked like FEMA had set up camp outside of it. The parking lot littered with bodies, movement still inside the tents. Ignoring them, my eyes were locked on the door, seeing it open. Rick was the first out and I couldn't help but grin at him, rushing forward and threw myself into his arms. He gripped me tightly, letting me go and took my head in his hands. Meeting his eyes, they were glistening. Something happened.
Looking over his shoulder, I saw Sasha, then Tyreese who was helping Carol. Then my heart sank, my hand covering my mouth as Maggie's scream filled the air. Daryl was the last out, holding Beth in his arms. There was a hole through her head. Maggie continued to scream as Daryl stepped toward her with her dead sister in his arms, tears on his cheeks. Gripping onto Rick, I started to sob against him, watching as Glenn embraced his wife.
It took a long time for any of us to move. We had to move. Abraham and Rosita were taking care of the dead, knowing that none of us were in a position to do it. We had held on to hope that we would all be together but, as always, something got in our way. When were we going to stop dying? When would we just be able to live?
"Linny." Rick said softly as we attempted to find a running car.
"I'm fine."
"No you're not." He replied.
Laughing lightly, I nodded at him, looking in a car, "You're right. I'm not fine. Beth is dead. Maggie is destroyed. Carol was hit by a fucking car. So, no, I'm not fine."
"Caroline." He said softly.
Nodding to him with furrowed brows, I moved on to the next car, checking it. "For some reason I can only think of a damn movie quote. I love movies. I always have. I spent an enormous amount of time watching them during my single life. And right now all I can think is how fine stands for: freaked out, insecure, neurotic, and emotional."
"Care."
Laughing and nodding again, I moved on to the next, sighing as the engine came to life. "It's true though. Every time we say we're fine those four things are true. It's what we say when we don't want to talk about it. When talking seems either too painful or obsolete. So, yes, Rick. I am fine." Getting out, he got in, turning it round to bring back to our family.
Finding a place to bury Beth, the only sounds were sniffling and crying as we all grieved her. She had been the best among us. Innocent and yet strong. She had saved Daryl. She would be missed. I'd been missing her for a while now and as I stood in front of her grave all I could hear was her voice as she sang. She had a beautiful voice. I only remembered the words to one of the songs she loved to sing. The others had already started to turn back toward the cars. But I couldn't leave her without giving her one final song. Something I knew that she would have given to any of us if we had gone first.
Starting to sing The Parting Glass, it didn't take long for Maggie to appear at my side, singing along. Taking her hand, squeezing each other's tightly, we sang it till the end, then I hugged her as she sobbed into me. I let silent tears fall but it wasn't just for Beth but for her as well. She was what mattered in this moment. The rest of us could wait. She once again had to grieve a family member, the last one she had. I couldn't imagine how she was feeling right now. I didn't want to.
"We should go." Rick said softly.
Nodding, we followed him to the trucks, all of us getting in without saying a word. We remained silent out of respect for the dead. Out of respect for the living.
"Whoever did this." I said softly. "Are they dead?" I asked, looking at Rick. He nodded. I looked back out the window. "Good."