Chapter Thirty-one: Dashed Hope
Stopping to take a break, we hadn't been on the road long. We didn't have a destination and yet we all wanted to get as far away from that place as possible. Leaning against the truck, Rick was next to me, Noah as well, he was talking but my mind was everywhere but here, though I forced myself to concentrate when he mentioned Beth.
"She was gonna come with me."
"How far?" Rick asked him.
"Outside Richmond, Virginia."
Rick looked at me and emotion started to swell again, feeling it start to flow over. "It was what she wanted." I told him. "Her dying wish." I grinned and laughed lightly before biting my lip to stop the tears.
He nodded and offered me his hand. Taking it, he nodded at Noah before going to where the others were, telling them what Noah said. I was with him. I was with him no matter what he decided. I was just worried about what everyone else thought. But if all went well than we could all have what we wanted most.
"It was secure. It has a wall, homes, 20 people. Beth wanted to go with him. She wanted to get him there. It's a long trip, but if it works out, it's the last long trip we have to make." Rick told them.
"And what if it isn't around anymore?" Glenn asked.
"Then we keep going." Rick replied.
Michonne adding, "Then we find a new place."
Heading out, Noah, Glenn, Michonne, and Tyreese were in the car with Rick and I. We drove in silence for a long time before we finally pulled over, making sure the rest of our people were secure before we went on alone. We didn't want to risk everyone. Not wanting to lose anyone else.
"You should have stayed back." Rick told me gently.
"I'm fine, Rick." I stated with and edge of annoyance.
"And you've already told me what that means." He replied.
Smiling, I reached out to him, running my hand down his arm before resting it against his forearm, "Baby, I'm okay. I promise you that I am. I'm just a little sad is all. But we're doing the right thing. Not just for Beth and Noah but for all of us."
He looked at the road shifting toward me. Smiling, when he turned his head, I was already waiting for him, kissing him before taking his hand as his eyes were once again on the road. He smirked, glancing over at me.
"How far out?" He asked Noah.
"Five miles."
Rick let my hand go, picking up his walkie. "Hey, Carol."
"I'm here."
"We're halfway there. Just wanted to check the range."
"Everyone is holding tight." She told him. "We've made it 500 miles. Maybe this can be the easy part."
"Got to think we're due." He smiled and looked at me. "Give us 20 minutes to check in."
"We don't hear from you, we'll come looking."
"Copy that."
"This is definitely going to be the easy part." I smiled at him. Then I gasped with mock surprise, "Maybe there will even be a bed we could use. An actual bed. With pillows and sheets and the whole bit."
He laughed lightly, once again taking my hand, "I don't think everyone else wants to hear what we would do with a bed."
"I do." Noah smirked. "Live vicariously and all."
Laughing, it felt amazing, making me nudge him. There was the sound of chuckling and everyone had a smile, but there was definitely a lingering melancholy. Deciding that now wasn't the best time to make a bunch of jokes or anything, I remained silent. Keeping Rick's hand, I brought it to my lips, pressing a kiss against it before trailing my fingers up and down his arm. I loved him. If this really was our last big trip…we all could finally be happy. That was what we wanted most. After protection and safety. Happiness was definitely something we wanted.
"I've been wanting to tell you something." Noah told Tyreese.
"What's that?" He replied.
"The trade. It was the right play. It worked. It did work. Just something else happened after."
"It went the way it had to. The way it was always going to. "
"I never wanted to kill anybody before."
"I've wanted that. But it just made it so I didn't see anything except what I wanted. I wasn't facing it." He replied sadly.
"Facing what?"
"What happened, what's going on. My dad always told Sasha and me that it was our duty as citizens of the world to keep up with the news. When I was little and I was in his car, there were always those stories on the radio. Something happens 1,000 miles away or down the block. Some kind of horror I couldn't even wrap my head around. But he didn't change the channel. He didn't turn it off. He just kept listening. To face it. Keeping your eyes open. My dad always called that paying the high cost of living."
Looking at Rick, he smirked and rubbed my hand. I was happy my father never did that. I was raised away from all that. I was an avoider of the news. If I didn't know bad things were happening then I didn't have to feel guilty for not having any power to stop it. At the end of the day we were very small in the grand scheme of things. Yeah, if we all banded together we could do amazing things. But individually we had no power. We were weak. That's why we needed people. We needed family because together we would survive this world. It was when we were on our own that we kept failing. We kept dying.
"I lost my dad in Atlanta. I think he would have liked yours. Still got a mom and a couple of twin brothers. I hope."
"I hope so, too."
"Two more miles."
"All right." Rick said. "Let's pull into the woods. We'll go on foot. Stay off the road."
Noah frowned at him, "We don't need to."
Rick looked at him, "Just in case."
"It's better if we see them before they see us. We don't want any surprises and we have no idea what we're walking into." I added gently as Rick pulled off the road.
Getting out, we looked at the two cars that had crashed here, all getting ready for anything. There were walkers in the cars, hitting the glass as they looked at us.
"This is good. Through the trees, it might just look like part of the wreck." Rick told us.
"It's this way." Noah said as he motioned us forward.
Following him, we moved at a steady pace, making it feel no time at all when we got close to the wall. However we were stopped by wire that had been strung between the trees as a barrier. It looked like it would be very effective against the walkers.
"Your people do this?" Michonne asked.
"Wanted to. Must have." Noah stated.
"It's nice." I smiled as I plucked one of them.
Rick smirked at me, getting me to shrug at him. "Come on." He said and started to maneuver his way through.
As soon as we were on the other side, Rick pulled out his machete and I followed suit; pulling out my own, momentarily feeling the gun in the back of my pants. Spinning the hilt in my hand, I liked the feeling of it in my palm. Waiting for everyone else to come through, Noah let out a sound, making me grip him. He'd cut himself.
"You all right?" Rick asked him.
"Yeah." Noah replied and kept going. "Yeah."
"Let me see." I said reaching for his leg.
He took a step away from me, "It's just a scratch."
I gave him a stern look, "Let me see."
He returned my look, "It's fine, Linny. But thank you."
He once again took the lead as we kept walking. It was quiet. There was no sound of the living or the dead. That was never a good sign. Glancing at Rick, he just nodded and picked up the pace. When we finally saw the wall, we stopped at the tree line, assuming that there would be somebody keeping watch. We couldn't see anyone and there was nothing but a field between us and the wall.
"They have spotters? Snipers?" Rick asked.
"We built a perch on a truck. Sometimes it's out front." He replied.
Glenn was looking back and forth across the field. "Not today."
Stepping next to him, I looked as well, meeting his eyes. Taking a deep breath, we started out across it, guns and knives ready. Just because we couldn't see anything didn't mean nothing was there. We had to hold on to our hope. At least until we were inside. It could be a whole different story inside. Reaching the gates, there was debris on the road and there was no sound coming from inside. Silence like that was eerie. If there were people there was usually sound.
The gates were locked and Noah clanged on them, listening. There was still nothing. Looking at Rick, his expression was anything but hopeful. Only then there was a small sound. Only it wasn't something that the living made.
"You hear that?" Noah asked.
Glenn held up his hand, "Just wait."
Following close to Glenn, I watched as he climbed up to look over the wall. As soon as he looked inside there was clear disappointment on his face. He looked at us, shaking his head. Deflating, I looked at Rick. He stepped up to me, putting his hand against my face before he moved to the wall. Scaling it, we all dropped onto the other side. Looking around, it was deserted with debris and bodies everywhere. Noah immediately started to panic, rushing away from us. Following him, it looked like a house had been blown up. It was ruined. Everything had been destroyed.
"Noah, hold up." Rick called. Only Noah started to run. "Noah!"
"Noah!" I called rushing after him as well.
We all followed him until we reached a crossroads. Bodies and walkers were visible in nearly every direction. Noah circled before he started to break down. Looking around, I frowned at the words that were painted on a short wall: Wolves Not Far. Sighing, I turned back to Noah, kneeling behind him, gently embracing him.
"It's okay." I told him. "I'm so sorry. But you're gonna be alright."
"She's right." Tyreese told him. "You're gonna be with us now."
Looking around, still comforting him, it was gone. It was all gone. We knew that. It was obvious. There couldn't be this much destruction and still have hope that the community had somehow survived. Hearing a walker, we all looked toward it.
"I'll get him." Michonne told us, emotion clear in her voice.
Rick kneeled next to us, looking at Noah, "I'm sorry, Noah. I truly am." Then he stood. Hugging Noah, I let him go, standing as well. "We should see if there's anything we can use and head back."
"Then what?" Michonne asked, making Rick frown at her. She simply frowned back, moving toward the walkers. "They see us."
"We can make a quick sweep." Glenn stated.
Tyreese nodded, "I'll stay with him."
Rick brought the walkie to his mouth, "Carol, you copy?"
"We're here."
"We made it. It's gone." He told her, emotion creeping into him as well.
Sighing, I moved past him, starting down the road to the nearest house. Rick followed, as well as Glenn and Michonne. Passing through the debris on a driveway, I headed into the garage, taking a look around. Hearing glass break, I looked over my shoulder to see Michonne pull out a baseball shirt from the frame it used to be in. Rick touched her arm and she looked up at him.
"Clean shirt." She told him.
"We'll figure it out." He replied.
"We will. There's some garbage bags in the garage."
She stepped up to me, keeping my eyes for a long moment. Sighing, I nodded, putting my hand against her face as I pressed my forehead to hers. "I know."
Grabbing the bags, we set to looking through everything, putting anything useful into them. Truth be told it wasn't much.
"You didn't think it would still be here?" Rick said to Glenn.
"Did you?"
"After it happened, right after with Beth in the hospital. I saw that woman Dawn. She didn't mean to do it. I knew it. I saw it. But I wanted to kill her." He told him. "I remember I just wondered if it even mattered one way or another. Didn't have a thing to do with Beth." He went on, pausing again. I turned toward him. He hadn't told me that. I couldn't decide if that annoyed me or not. "I don't know if I thought it would still be here. But Beth wanted to get him here. She wanted to get him back home. This was for her. And it could have been for us, too."
Glenn nodded at him replying, "I was thinking about that guy in the storage container. Back at Terminus. How I made us stop. After the prison, on my trip, I got Maggie back. Things went okay." He stated as he bent down and picked up a baseball bat. "Losing Washington…losing – losing Beth right after just finding out that she was alive. I hadn't caught up with you yet. If it were now…I wouldn't make us stop. We'd run right by. And I would have shot that woman dead. Right or wrong."
Feeling tears, I wrapped my arms around myself, Michonne stepping toward them. "We need to stop. You can be out here too long."
"She's right." I said wiping the tears from my cheeks. "Let's go." I told Michonne.
They didn't say anything as we separated to cover more ground. Michonne and I stayed closer, never farther than the house next door. Grabbing all the food we could find. I also grabbed useable clothes, and whatever ammo and weapons I could find as well. When we'd covered what we said we would, Michonne and I stood in a driveway, the men moving toward us from different directions. Their bags were full. It wasn't much but it was something. A small win after losing all the hope we had.
Michonne looked at me before Rick, "We could put some of the garage doors together against the break. Park a car against them until we can brick it back up." Rick looked at what she was talking about. "It can work."
Looking at Rick, I knew what his answer was going to be. Turning toward him, I moved closer to him, "It could work, Rick. We could make it work. We've done harder things."
He looked at me for a long moment, looking back at the wall in question. I hadn't swayed him. I didn't think I would. "This place is surrounded by a forest. There's no sight lines. Whoever, whatever would be on top of us without us even knowing it. That's probably what happened."
"That's what happened to us." Glenn stated.
"Glenn." I said sadly.
"It was." He replied.
Michonne wasn't going to give up, not yet. "We could start taking down the trees. We use them to build the walls up." The men didn't look convinced. I wanted to support her but she was reaching. "Look."
She was trying so hard to convince them. She started to walk to where the wall was broken, wanting them to see what she did. Only as soon as we reached it we could see the bodies. There was several of them. Bits and pieces of them everywhere. They'd been blown up, turning to see scorch marks along the outside of the wall. Looking at Michonne, she deflated, shaking her head at me. Moving to her, I put my arms around her, pulling her against me.
"It doesn't matter." Glenn said breaking the silence.
Rick looked at him, "What?"
"You said you wondered if it even mattered if you killed her or not." He elaborated. "It doesn't matter if you had done it, or if I had, or that Daryl did. It doesn't matter."
"Washington." Michonne stated. "Eugene lied about a cure, but he thought of Washington for a reason."
"But he was lying." Glenn frowned at her.
"Michonne." I said softly.
"About the cure, but he did the math and realized that Washington was the place where there'd be a chance. We're close." Rick sighed at her. "What if there are people there? Huh? What if it's someplace that we can be safe? We're 100 miles away. It's a possibility. It's a chance. Instead of just being out here. Instead of just making it. Because right now, this is what making it looks like." Rick just looked at her. Looking back at him, I still held on to her, smiling at him as if to say 'please'. "Don't you want one more day with a chance?"
He nodded a little, "We should go."
"It was a good speech." I told her softly as us and Glenn started to walk away.
"It's 100 miles away." Rick stated, making us stop and turn to him. "We should go to Washington."
Grinning, I moved to him, taking his face in my hands before wrapping my arms around his neck. "Good for you." He just chuckled and held me tightly.
Hope had been restored. Only in the next second there was the sound of Noah yelling. Letting him go, we all turned toward the sound of his voice, starting to run toward it. He was yelling as loud as he could. We found him pinned down by walkers on a porch. Leaping up and over the railing, I stabbed one while Glenn came up the stairs and took care of two others.
"It's Tyreese." He told us.
"Where?" I asked him, my stomach dropping.
"My house. He's been bit."
Not again.
This could not be happening again.
It was too soon.
Following him, we reached the house, barreling in and down the hall to the room where Tyreese was.
"Ty!" I screamed, seeing him under a desk.
"Get him out of there." Rick stated as he moved him.
Helping, we got him out, and I swiftly moved behind him, supporting him as I wrapped my arms around his chest. "You're gonna be okay. You hear me? You're gonna be okay."
"You got him?" Rick said and I nodded frantically. He pulled out his arm, the bite having made a mess of it. "One hit, clean! Go!" He called to Michonne.
In the next second his arm had been several from his body. I immediately put my hand over the stump, pressing my palm against it as Rick yanked off Tyreese's belt, tying it tightly around his arm. The warmth of it was spilling down my arm, making everything wet and slippery.
Rick and Glenn swiftly took his arms and I moved around him and picked up one of his legs. Michonne took the other and then we were running. Noah was ahead of us as we raced to the back gate. Now we could hear the dead on the other side. Everything felt like it was moving in slow motion. We set Tyreese down, the others going to the gate as Noah and I stayed with him. As soon as the gates were opened, the dead started to spill inside. Knowing there was too many, I got to my feet, rushing forward, and started to stab them. Pulling out my gun, I started to shoot them as well. We needed our path cleared and we needed it cleared now.
"Ty." I said rushing back to him, taking his head in my hands. He looked weak and pale. We needed to move faster than we were. "Let's go!" I yelled at the others.
Once again picking him up, we started to follow the path we'd taken. Panic was flowing freely and I was panting with the weight of him as we tried to move as swiftly as possible. Reaching the wire, for a moment I thought I was going to breakdown. How the hell were we going to get him through that?
Michonne and I went first, the men turning and flipping him so he could go through headfirst. When it came time for Rick and Glenn to come through, I couldn't help the cry as my muscles strained from the effort of supporting him. Only it wasn't just me. Looking at Michonne, she felt the same. Finally getting through, we once again attempted to run. He was losing blood and would lose consciousness before long. We needed to cauterize the wound. I needed a fire. But there wasn't time for that. Rick called ahead to Carol, telling her what happened.
As soon as we were back in the truck, the tires squealed as Rick took off. Tyreese was against the back window looking out of it. I had wedged myself between the seats, my hands attempting to hold his blood in his body. Shock would be setting in and if we didn't get him treated soon then that would be what killed him.
"Tyreese, you gotta listen to me, okay?" I told him. "Ty!" He moved his eyes to meet mine. "You have to live. You understand me."
"It's better now." He whispered. "It's okay."
"What?" I frowned.
"It's okay." He whispered.
"Rick!" I screamed. He couldn't go any faster without risking a crash, but at the same time, we weren't going fast enough. "Ty, please." I cried, putting my hand against his face. "Please, Tyreese. Sasha needs you. You can't die. Not now."
He smirked at me, "It's better now."
Bowing my head, I started to sob, lifting my head to meet his eyes again. He was looking out the window. Then his eyes started to drift shut. "No! No, Ty! Stay awake. You have to stay awake! TY!" He started to relax. Then he stopped breathing. "RICK!"
The truck stopped and Rick got out, opening the back, we took him out. I followed, falling from the truck, landing hard on my hands and knees. Scrambling to Tyreese's side, I attempted to revive him. He didn't get to die. I'd seen people survive. People survived. Sobbing, I breathed into him and compressed his chest, feeling weaker and weaker, knowing that he was gone.
It's better now.
It wasn't better now.
Arms were around my waist and I was pulled away from him. "No!" I yelled. "No, please! I can do this!"
"Stop." Glenn said softly in my ear. "Linny, just stop."
"Please." I sobbed, hugging his arms.
"Linny." He said and I turned and wrapped my arms around his neck, sobbing into it.
He was gone.
Getting to my feet, I moved to the side of the road, vomiting before falling to my knees. I was going to drop my face into my hands but stopped at the sight of the blood that covered them. It only fueled my tears, sobs breaking from me as my hands started to shake violently. Staring down at them, the tears dripped, swirling the blood against my skin. Shutting my eyes so I couldn't see it, I continued to sob. We'd lost someone else. It wasn't fair. Nothing about this was fair and all I wanted to do was to wake up from his horrible nightmare. Finally managing a little control, I slowly got to my feet, wiping the tears with the back of my wrists, hoping I wasn't smearing blood across my face. Turning, I slowly walked back to Tyreese, kneeling at his side, putting my hand against his chest as I started down at him.
"I'm sorry." I told him. "I'm so sorry."
"It wasn't your fault." Rick stated as he stepped back toward us. He had paced away but came back, only now he had his knife out.
Looking up at him, the tears came faster, my shoulders bouncing. Taking a deep breath, I quickly calmed myself. "Let me do it." I told him, holding out my hand. He just looked at me. "Just let me do it, Rick." He nodded and handed me his knife. Taking another deep breath, I leaned down and pressed a long kiss against Tyreese's forehead. "I'm sorry, brother." I whispered to him. "Until we meet again." Slipping the blade into his temple, I paused before pulling it out again, wiping the blade on my pants before handing it back to him. "Let's get him home."
Getting him back into the truck, I held him the entire way back, silently crying the entire way. I was dreading having to tell Sasha that she lost another person that she loved. Bob wanted me to make her smile and laugh. He didn't want her to become hard. I think she would have survived if it was just Bob, but now it was Tyreese as well. Her boyfriend and her brother just days apart. She wasn't going to be able to survive this. No one would. This was going to break her and I wasn't sure what I could do because there was nothing I could do.
Bob.
Beth.
Tyreese.
Who else were we going to lose?
Who else would we have to say goodbye to?
Rick parked the truck and all eyes were on us. He had told Carol what happened and by the look on Sasha's face, she already knew. Still holding tight to him, I buried my face in his neck, sobbing, the sound muffled against him. Taking several deep breaths, I attempted to calm down, my lip quivering as I blew out each breath.
The door behind me opened and I turned to see Rick. He pressed his forehead to mine before his arm moved around my waist, pulling me from the truck as Glenn and Daryl supported Tyreese. I had hoped to keep myself together but as I watched them pull him free, I couldn't stop the sobs that came from me.
Rick wrapped me in his arms, talking softly in my ear. Looking at Sasha, Maggie had her arms around her, sobs breaking from her as well. I suddenly felt guilty for crying so much when it was her brother who had died. Turning in his arms, I wrapped mine around him, crying into his neck. He held me tight as Glenn and Daryl brought him toward his grave that had already been dug for him.
Letting Rick go, I took his hand, hugging his arm as we started to follow. Ty was laid to rest in the grave. A place we would more than likely never be again. That was the worst part. Losing people and never getting to see them again. Not even the place they were laid to rest.
"I'm so sick of this." I told Rick softly.
"I know, baby." He said softly, pressing his lips into my hair.
Gabriel was already there with a bible in his hands. Tears were still hot against my cheeks, my jaw taut from trying to keep myself together. Looking at Sasha, she looked to be doing better than I was. She was in shock. She deserved to be.
"We look not at what can be seen, but we look at what cannot be seen. For what can be seen is temporary…but what cannot be seen is eternal. For we know that if the earthly tent we live in is destroyed, we have a building from God, a house not made with hands, eternal in the heavens. In the heavens."
Sasha put the first shovel of dirt onto her brother, holding it out as she stood. Rick quickly took it and she walked away. For a long moment, I watched him, wanting to give her space. It didn't last long before I was following her. I didn't want to say anything. I just didn't want her to be alone. She was tying together wood for his cross.
"I'm so sorry." I told her softly. She paused but didn't look up at me. "I'm so sorry, Sasha. I tried." Now she looked up at me. I was shaking and his blood was still covering me. "I tried." She stood and faced me, nodding before she had her arms around me. "I'm so sorry." I sobbed into her.
For a long moment we stood there and sobbed together. When she finally let me go, we took the cross to Tyreese's grave, putting it in the ground, his hat over the top of it. Standing there, I knew she wasn't ready to go and I couldn't say that I was ready. This hurt.
"Rick said you tried to save him. That's what you meant." She said softly. I nodded at her. "Have you done that before?" I nodded again. Then I felt her eyes on me, turning my head to meet them. "Thank you."
Smiling, I nodded at her, wrapping my arm around her. We stood there for a while before we finally moved, making our way to the others that were at the vehicles. They all looked defeated. And we were. We'd lost a lot in just a short period of time. It wasn't fair. But we all knew that nothing in this world was fair.
It was time to move on.
We didn't have a choice.
We moved or we died.
Right now there was a thin line between which one was the lesser of two evils.