Beautiful Disaster

by My Writing Is This

The dead were walking and surviving was imperative. Caroline had hit the ground running. She tried to never look back. She was alone for too long. Learning to live and love again wasn't easy. People still mattered. Many would come in and out of her life and not all was as it seemed. She had to learn to be a person again and to find her place. And the one she was meant to be with.

34. Just Keep Moving

Chapter Thirty-four: Just Keep Moving

Squatting down, I put my elbow on my knee, resting my cheek against it as I poked and prodded the dead frog with a stick. They'd been dead long enough to make them inedible; as well as to let me know that there was no water here. Just to make sure, I'd already dug a few holes, looking up as Sasha appeared from around the bend. She looked at all the frogs, attempting to bury one by kicking dirt over it. She looked at me and I shrugged, getting a sigh in return before she moved toward me. Standing up, I wrapped my arm around her, pulling her against my side.

"We'll find some." I told her gently.

Hearing rustling, we looked up to see Maggie and Daryl standing on top of the bank. We shook our heads at them and they turned away with disappointment. Sighing, I tried not to be discouraged. Water was out there. We just had to hold out until we found it. We would find it.

Attempting to climb the bank, Sasha made it just fine, only I used a root that snapped and I was sent slamming down onto my back. To make it worse, there was an audible crunching sound, feeling liquid soaking into my shirt.

"Great." I said. "Just bloody fantastic."

"Linny?" Sasha said looking down at me. "You okay?"

"Oh yeah. I'm great." I told her finally rolling onto my feet.

"That's disgusting." Sasha said before actual laughter broke from her.

Trying to look at the damage, I reached behind me and I could feel a foot. Groaning, I peeled the frog from my back, holding it in front of me. "It's a fucking pancake."

She laughed harder before quickly sobering, "Come on, goofball."

Sighing, I managed to succeed the second time, taking her hand as she helped me the final few feet. Rejoining Maggie and Daryl, we made our way back to the road and to where we had planned on meeting up with everyone else. We'd split up in hopes of finding water. So far, we'd come up empty. I just kept my fingers crossed that the others had been luckier than us.

Staying close to Maggie's side, I bumped her every once in a while, until she finally sighed so loud that you couldn't mistake her intention. "I'm not going to break." She told me. "You can stop watching me."

"I know what grief does to people, Maggie. I've been there just as many times as you have. More even." I told her. "I know how not okay you are. So, do me a favor and stop pretending that you're coping with this. Both you and Sasha." I was starting to raise my voice, sounding angry. "You both think that you're coping with your loss but you're not. I'm hardly coping and they weren't my blood. They were yours. Both of yours. God damn it!" I yelled and moved away from them, putting as much distance between me and them that I was comfortable with.

"Hey." Daryl said coming up from behind me.

"No." I shot at him. "I don't want any comforting or words of wisdom. I just want people to deal with shit. They are going to get themselves killed if they don't."

In the next moment I was spun, coming face to face with Maggie. "This has nothing to do with you, Caroline. It was my sister. Her brother. My father. Her boyfriend. Everyone deals with grief their own way. You can't expect people to be as strong as you are all the time."

"I don't." I told her calmly. "I'm not any stronger than you are."

"You are." She said. "And I'm sorry but I lost everything."

"No, you haven't." I retorted. "You have Glenn. You have me. You have us. We're family."

"I know." She said softly.

I nodded at her, "Good."

She smiled before wrapping her arms around me, "I love you, Linny."

"I love you, too." I told her. "So much, Maggie. And I care so much about you and Sasha and everyone. I hate seeing you hurting."

"I know." She said letting me go. "But you gotta let us work through it in our own time. In our own way."

I nodded, feeling tears, "I know."

"Okay." She said gently. "Come on."

Keeping my arm around her, I rested my head against hers as we walked, letting silence fall between us. When I finally let her go, feeling like any distance was too much, it took only a second for Daryl to appear at my side.

"I'm sorry." I told him. "I didn't mean to…" I started but stopped.

"I know." He said.

"All that goes for you too, Daryl." I told him sadly. "You need to feel it and work through it."

"Is that why you came with us?" He asked. "The three damaged ones?" Now he was starting to sound angry. As least it was better than the indifference he had been showing. "We don't need you to fix us."

"You need someone, Daryl." I told him softly. "If you won't let that be Carol, then you need to let that be me. I'll always be here for you."

"I know." He told me.

"Good."

Walking in silence, for a while I took his hand, much to his displeasure. He was strong. So much stronger than me but even he needed help sometimes. He couldn't do this alone. None of us could. He deserved someone to survive this world with. Sasha did. Maggie had Glenn. But Daryl and Sasha had that within reach and it had been torn away from them. It wasn't fair. I knew that life wasn't fair but I still felt like it ought to be a little fairer in the grand scheme of things.

I finally felt like I had a partner in this world. Rick was my partner in every way. I counted on him like he counted on me. We were in this together. We were still our own people, letting each other make our own decisions, but at the end of the day we were together in everything. That was what mattered most to me.

"Oh, shit." Maggie said as we approached the others. They were all sitting down, some back to back, all looking defeated. We were tired, hungry, and thirsty. "It's been a day and a half. They didn't find any either."

"How do you know?" Sasha asked.

"I know." Maggie told her.

I couldn't argue with that. It was obvious. Luck hadn't been on any of our sides.

"Hope's not lost yet." I smiled up at Daryl. He just nodded at me.

"How much longer we got?" Maggie asked Sasha.

"60 miles." Sasha replied.

Maggie paused before stated, "I wasn't talking about that."

Looking over my shoulder at her, both of them looked like if they fell down they'd never get up again. Feeling a little desperate to get back to everyone, I picked up my pace. Rick turned toward me, moving to meet as I collided with him, wrapping my arms tightly around his neck.

"I like you with me." He told me softly.

"I was trying to help." I replied.

He nodded, running his fingers down the side of my face, "I know."

Loading into the cars, we started down the road again. Everyone was quiet. Not a lot to say when everyone was feeling about as low as we ever have. Even when I was dying we still had water and food. Even in the woods with Ray we had managed to find water and food. Why couldn't we find any now? And when the hell was it going to rain?

"We're out, just like the other one." Abraham announced as the truck came to a stop.

"So we walk." Rick said as he got out.

Getting out, I took Judith, putting her on my hip as we started down the road. Everyone else followed suit, making our way down the road. The sun was hot, the air dry, and we were walking with very little water to keep us going. Looking behind us, everyone was quiet and they all looked defeated. Looking at Maggie it was like she wasn't even here anymore. I just wanted to help but there was no help for her. Or for Sasha. Grief had its hold on them. Looking at Glenn he was watching her with worry. To make the situation even worse, there were walkers following us. They were several yards behind us but they were still there. An ever present danger just looming over us.

"We're not at our strongest." Rick stated as we watched them. "We'll get 'em when it's best. High ground, something like that. They're not going anywhere." Daryl just nodded. "It's been three weeks since Atlanta. I know you lost something back there.

Daryl touched Judith's foot, "She's hungry."

Rick took her from me, smiling at her, "She's okay. She's going to be okay."

"We need to find water, food." Daryl stated.

Rick nodded, "We'll hit something in the road. It's gonna rain sooner or later."

"I will dance in the rain when it happens." I smiled tilting my head back. Rick smiled and wrapped his arm around me. "Will you dance with me?" I asked him.

He looked behind us before kissing me, "I just might."

"One more." I smiled. He smirked and kissed me again. "That's better."

"I'm gonna head out." Daryl said softly but I could hear the sadness in his voice. "See what I can find."

"Hey, don't be too long." Rick told him, getting a nod.

"I'll go with you." Carol said moving after him.

"I got it." He told her.

She just smiled at him, "You gonna stop me?"

"Be careful." I called to them as they disappeared into the woods. We kept walking and I couldn't help but think of him, looking behind us at Maggie and Sasha. "They're not okay." I told Rick. "We're broken, Rick. What are we gonna do?"

"We're gonna keep going." He told me. "We're not going to give up."

Smiling, I reached my hand up, gently running my fingers through his hair before gripping his beard, "You need a good trim."

He grinned, rubbing his beard, "Yeah. Who knows the next time I'll get that."

"You're starting to look like a mountain man." I teased and laughed.

"Fitting for out here then." He smiled back.

We talked on and off as we walked, wanting a distraction from the heat and yet it was hard to ignore as it beat down on us. Playing with Judith a little, getting her to laugh, Rick and I passed her back and forth as we walked. She went to whoever she decided in that moment and sometimes it was thirty-seconds apart. She would giggle and the game would continue. But the sound of her laughter was ten times better than anything else that was going on. At one point, I'd just passed her to her father when I tripped and went down, getting laughter from both her and Rick. She shrieked as I pulled myself back onto my feet, gabbing her belly, and making her throw herself against Rick's chest. Then she was reaching for me again, bouncing against me with a big grin on her face. We shouldn't have been making so much noise but I couldn't help it. She was happy. She was the only one of us who was truly happy. She was too young to be jaded by the world and she would be raised in this world, happy with it because it was all she would know. She was everything we needed to preserve.

"Now you're tired, aren't you?" I said softly to Judith as she draped herself over my shoulder. Looking at Rick, he looked over his shoulder, a serious expression crossing his face. Doing the same, I sighed and looked up at him. "Is it time?"

He nodded, "They're getting closer."

"What are you thinking?" I asked.

He looked around, looking ahead, there was a bridge coming up. He nodded, still thinking as he looked at everything. Then he looked at me, "All we have to do it push them down. Any hill on either side of that bridge will keep them busy for a while."

Nodding, I looked behind us, "Anything simple would be good for us right now."

"Yeah." He said looking back as well. When we reached the bridge, he looked on both sides before he turned to the group. "Line both sides on either end. It's time we deal with the walkers. Don't waste energy by killing them. Just redirect them down the bank."

Splitting up, I gave Judith to her brother, telling him to keep her safe. As the walkers got closer, we didn't use any more energy than we had to. We didn't have to touch them, but simply shift to the side as they lurched, their own body weight sending them down the banks. It was almost a little fun. It was different then charging forward and making noise and causing a frenzy. It was quiet and manageable. Smiling at Rick, he nodded at him.

Before we could fully take care of them, there was noise and I turned to see Sasha charging them, killing them as she moved into a group of them. They all turned toward her – toward us – as she made noise and continued to stab them, slicing them without caring. Abraham went to stop her and she spun, her knife catching his arm.

"Sasha." I said and wanted to move forward but there were too many walkers in front of me.

It wasn't just her she was risking; Michonne had been right next to her. She's angry. We knew she was angry but now she was losing it. She wasn't caring about herself or anyone else. All she wanted to do was kill them. I understood revenge. I'd been there. But this was too much. It wasn't just her. It was all of us.

When we got them under control, I turned again to see Michonne having knocked her to the ground. "I told you to stop."

"Michonne." I said rushing to her. "You okay?"

"Yeah." She replied and turned away from Sasha.

She got to her feet, looking at me angrily before starting to walk again. "What the hell was that?" I asked as I followed her.

"Nothing." She replied.

"Bullshit. You could have gotten us all killed. What were you thinking?"

She spun so fast that I nearly ran into her. "It's none of your business. I wish you'd stop trying to make it your business."

"You know all I want to do is help." I told her sadly.

In the next second I was hit, going to the ground. There were people yelling and I looked up at her as she stood over me.

"Well, stop." She said and walked away.

"Well, that was fun." Abraham said as he hooked me under my arms and hoisted me to my feet. I nodded at him. "You good?"

I touched my face, tasting blood where my teeth had cut the inside of my cheek. "I'm good."

"Linny." Rick said rushing up to me.

"I'm fine." I told him.

"Mom." Carl said.

"I'm good." I said raising my hands. "I'm all good. Let's just go."

No one said anything as we kept walking. When I got sick of swallowing it, I started to spit the blood from my mouth. It was bleeding more than I thought it would. Only now it kept pooling on that side. Daryl and Carol came back but they didn't have anything and didn't say anything. They simply joined in and we simply kept walking.

My feet hurt. My face hurt. And I hated to admit it but so were my feelings a little. All I wanted to do was help and I knew that it wasn't always appreciated but at the same time if we didn't push they'd just get farther and farther away. I just…I wanted them to know that they weren't alone. None of us were. We were family and we couldn't survive without each other. Only now I was pretty sure backing off of everyone might be a good idea.

"Dad, look." Carl said as we came across a group of cars in the road.

"Maybe they'll have water or something we can use." I said to him, getting a smile and a nod.

"I'm gonna head into the woods, circle back." Daryl told us.

"May I come with?" Carol asked.

"No." He replied. "No, just me."

He went into the woods and I looked at Rick, "I'm gonna follow him."

"Caroline." He said with concern.

I shook my head at him, "I need a break, Rick. I want to just step away for a few minutes. I can do that with him. I won't be alone."

He nodded, "Be careful."

Kissing him quickly, I turned and moved to the woods, touching Carol's arm as I passed her by. He was struggling and I was sure he'd think I was going to give some speech to make him feel better but I honestly just wanted his silence. Silence in the woods was different than the silence with everyone else. It was lighter out here. I didn't think he should be alone but I didn't want to interfere either. I was capable of taking a step back. Sort of…

"What are you doin'?" He asked when I'd caught up.

"I'm keeping you company." I replied.

"I don't need any."

Sighing, I shook my head, "I don't want to talk, Daryl. I literally just want to accompany you. I needed a break."

"If you minded your own business you wouldn't need one. You wouldn't have been hit neither." He told me coldly.

"Being an asshole isn't going to get rid of me." I shot back at him. "So knock it the fuck off."

He just looked at me but didn't say anything. I followed in his footsteps, going with him wherever he went. But I'd kept my word. I didn't say anything. I made no effort to make him open up and let his feelings out. All I wanted was an escape from the group. We'd been together for a long time and with limited food and water, emotions were getting high and pretty soon they were bound to spill over. I was starting to feel like a lot of it was going to be onto me. I could handle it. At least I thought I could. But being with them had made me a little soft. I wasn't as hard as I used to be. I gave more chances than I'd ever had. I wanted humanity to survive. I wanted to be who I used to be. Before the world ended before…before I was too jaded to care anymore.

"Hold up." He told me.

"What is it?" I asked.

He moved forward before looking at me. Stepping next to him, I took in a deer with its back eaten out. You could clearly see the spine. It was gross and yet I was intrigued. Kneeling next to it, I touched the bones, taking in the carcass from head to toe.

"Fascinating." I said softly.

"You're weird." He told me but when I looked up at him he was smirking.

"I know." I replied standing up again. "It's part of my charm."

Then we saw the walker that was dead against the trunk of a tree. He looked at me before motioning me forward. Following him, we maneuvered our way through, circling back like he had said he was, but we didn't find anything. We needed rain. Why the hell couldn't it just rain already?

"How did you make it this long?" Daryl asked as I got back up from tripping for the zillionth time.

"I do okay when we're running from something. It's when nothing's around that my clumsiness takes hold." I told him, wiping off my pants. He didn't say anything, making me look up at him. He was smiling at me. "What?"

He pulled me into him, hugging me tightly, "Nothin'."

Hugging him just as tightly, I took his head in my hands, pressing a kiss against his forehead, "I love you, Daryl."

"Love you, too." He said as he buried his face in my neck. "Let's get back."

"Should we make a bet on how many times I trip on the way back?" I asked and laughed, getting smacked by a tree.

"Yeah, I'll make a bet." He smirked.

Laughing, we were quiet as we walked back, but I felt better. He was good for that. He was the best person to just be silent with. Making it back up to the road, the others were sitting in the road resting. Rick looked at us, shaking his head. Daryl shook his back and I simply smiled at him. I almost didn't mind being apart from him because he always looked so good when I saw him again. Joining him, I sat next to him, putting my hand against his face.

"Hey." I smiled.

"Hey." He smiled back. "You okay?"

I nodded, "I am. Are you?"

He sighed and pressed his forehead to mine, "Yeah."

"I almost believe you." I smiled.

"I'm sure you can think of something to make it better." He said softly.

I brought my lips to his, "I'm sure I can."

Kissing him deeply, I leaned into him. He leaned away, brushing my cheek with the back of his fingers. "Much better."

"So all we found was booze?" Tara piped up, making me look at her.

I sighed as I watched Abraham take a long drink off of the liquor he had found.

"Yeah." Rosita replied.

"It's not gonna help." Tara replied.

Rosita didn't even look at him, "He knows that."

"She's always sticking up for him." I told Rick softly.

"Wouldn't you if he were me?" He asked.

I met his eyes, kissing him again. "Yeah, I would."

"It's gonna make it worse." Tara went on.

"Yes, it is."

Then Eugene piped up, "He's a grown man. And I truly do not know if things can get worse."

Rosita looked at him, "They can."

As if on cue there was rustling and growling as four dogs came out of the woods. They started to bark and growl, baring their teeth as they moved forward and back. Getting up, I moved forward, crouching as I held my hands up.

"Easy." I said softly to them. "It's okay. We won't hurt you." One growled and lurched toward me but I didn't move. "It's okay." I told them. "Good dogs." The shepherd stopped growling, reaching out to smell my hand. "That's it." I smiled. In the next second they had all been blown away, making me fall backward. An arm wrapped around my waist and I found myself against a chest. "What the hell is the matter with you?!" I yelled as I looked up at Sasha.

"They were a threat." She stated. "And we're hungry."

"Jesus, Sasha." I said pulling free of Daryl's arms and moving down the road.

It didn't take long for steps to follow, "Linny."

"What?" I asked Daryl.

"They were gonna attack." He stated.

I turned around to face him, "Maybe not all of them. Do you know how useful it is to have a dog on the team?"

"Caroline."

"I do." I stated. "They help with hunting and with finding water. Water, Daryl! They could have helped us find the one thing that we need most right now." I shot at him, shoving him halfheartedly. "They offer protection and warmth. They offer a lot more alive than they do dead." I went on, getting a nod from him. Looking back at the others they were starting to gut and skin the dogs. "You should help them." I told him, crossing my arms as I scuffed my shoe on the pavement, staring at it. "But I can't watch them do that. I can't be a part of it."

"Alright." He said and walked away.

I listened as they started fires and I knew that they were roasting those dogs. I was hungry. But I just wasn't hungry enough to eat dog. That wasn't me. That wasn't what I did. All I could think of was Mozzie and how a German Shepard was one of the dogs on those spits. I couldn't do it. It made my stomach turn.

Staying away from the group, I paced back and forth, wanting to be far enough away so I couldn't smell it. Images of the cabin flashed in my mind. Mozzie. Ben. Hannah. Burned flesh. My body twitching with their memories, fighting against them as the images and their voices danced in my mind. Shaking my head, I was starting to feel bile rise in my throat, making me look up at the darkening sky trying to swallow it down.

Glancing at the others, they were enjoying the food as if it were a five star restaurant. We hadn't eaten in a while and a full stomach would feel amazing, but all I could do was feel annoyed. Eugene was chewing with him mouth open and I couldn't help but glare at him. Then my eyes fell on a bloodied collar in the road. Shaking my head, I kept pacing, trying to ignore it all.

"Hey." Rick said walking up to me. "Here. You need to eat." He said holding out a piece of meat.

"No." I said shaking my head. "I can't, Rick."

He sighed, "You need to eat something."

"I know." I replied. "But I can't eat that."

"Caroline." He said with a hard tone.

"I save animals. I don't slaughter them. Not dogs. Not even in this world." I told him. "I'm just not wired that way."

"You need to eat. This is what we have." He stated. "Take the meat, Linny."

"No." I told him and walked into the woods.

"Linny." He called. "Caroline!"

The tears started and I found myself tripping over anything and everything, picking myself up every time. Moving over a large fallen tree, my foot got snagged and I found myself on my hands and knees, a stick jabbing me into my palm. Sighing, I sat on my heels, looking at it.

"Caroline." Maggie said appearing from nowhere. I hadn't even heard her coming. "You're hand."

"Is fine." I stated as I moved into a seated position.

"Caroline." She repeated as she sat next to me.

I looked at my hand before yanking the stick from my palm, watching blood pool in my palm, tipping it and watched it pour onto the ground. Maggie sighed heavily, making me look at her. Raising a brow, I ripped a piece of my shirt off and proceeded to tie it around my hand.

"Let me help you." She said softly.

"I got it." I replied and finished tightening it with my teeth.

There was a long moment of silence, my wrists draping over my bent knees, making me stare off into the distance. Memories were just flooding my mind and I couldn't shut them off. They just kept going on and on and on.

"I'm sorry." She told me. "I didn't mean to be cold to you earlier."

"Sure you did." I replied nonchalantly. "I'm known for overstepping and caring too much and trying to help when I should just leave well enough alone." I rambled.

She nudged me, "Just one of the many reasons we love you."

Scoffing, I shook my head, "Whatever, Maggie. I'm not really in the mood for a pick me up."

"I'm trying to apologize." She replied.

"And this isn't about you." I shot back at her, making her look at me sadly. I sighed and shook my head, rubbing my injured palm. "I'm sorry. And I'm incredibly sorry about Beth and my heart aches for Sasha but…this has nothing to do with you or her or them." I hated that I liked throwing her own words back at her. I got what she was trying to telling me. More in this moment than any other. She didn't say anything. "Just go back, Maggie. Alone seems a lot better right now." We both looked up as we heard a walker coming our way. She stood and moved toward it. "Leave it." I told her. She looked at me with frustration. "Just leave it, Maggie. Go back with the others."

She just turned back to it, killing it before sitting next to me again. "I'm not leaving you out here alone."

I couldn't stop the laughter from rolling out of me. "God, Maggie, I've been alone more of my life than I've been with anyone. I can handle being alone. It's being with people that makes everything foggy."

"Stop." She frowned at me. "What's going on?"

"You told me to mind my business." I replied. "Sasha, too. I'm just trying to do that."

"But that's not like you."

"I'm just like everyone else." I shot back at her. "Sometimes I need a minute."

She was quiet for a few agonizing minutes before she broke the silence that I longed to keep, "Why did killing the dogs bother you?"

"You know why."

"I don't." She replied. "Not really."

"You do." I shot at her. "If you don't remember than that's on you. But I told you how I started this world. I told you what I did and what I had. That's all the explanation you need."

"Tell me again." She said softly.

"No."

"Why?"

"Because I don't want to talk about it!" I yelled at her. "You won't talk to me so why the hell should I talk to you?"

"That's not fair."

I laughed, breaking apart a small stick. "Life isn't fair, Maggie. You know that."

"This isn't you." She told me softly.

"You don't know everything about me, Maggie."

"What don't I know?" She asked.

"Nothing I'm willing to tell." I told her and stood. "Let's go."

"Care." She said as she followed me.

I didn't say anything, ducking under a branch. My cheeks felt hot and I wiped more tears from my cheeks, taking a deep breath to attempt to calm myself. Maggie wrapped her arm around me, making me shrug and move away from me.

"Caroline." She said with a hard tone and sat on a fallen tree.

"Let's go." I told her.

"I'm not going anywhere until you talk to me." She replied and crossed her arms.

Sighing, I turned toward her, "Now's not the time or the place. We should get back to the others." She just raised a brow at me. "Maggie." I said with annoyance. She didn't budge. Sighing loudly, I dropped onto the tree next to her. "What exactly do you want to hear, Maggie?"

"Tell me again."

"I started this world setting dogs free. I started this world with a dog as my companion. I lost him. He was as much a part of my family as any of you. I've lost, too, Maggie. I've lost everything. Just because I found something doesn't change that." I paused, feeling her eyes on me. "Seeing those dogs was just a reminder of what I lost. And knowing what you all did to them doesn't make it any easier." Pausing again, I felt the sting of tears in my eyes. It wasn't just Mozzie. It was…him. It was the one person that I kept more private than any part of my life. All that pain had been buried but every once in a while it would rise up and hurt all over again. "A lot of memories are going through my head right now."

"I'm sorry."

"I'm sure you are." I told her and stood. "Now, let's go." She nodded and stood. "Are we done talking about it now?" I asked with an air of coldness.

"Only if you'll drop the attitude." She replied with the same tone.

Stopping again, I looked at her, "My attitude is justified. Whether you think it or not." Tears were welling again as my past reared its ugly head. "What's going through my head right now, is justified. What's going through your head right now, is justified. Like you said, we're all going through things and we need to do it in our own time in our own way. What happened brought up my past. I just need a little while to bury it again." She just looked at me. "We're all grieving, Maggie. Every one of us. Your grief is the freshest because she meant the most to you. Sasha is next. Only…I'm grieving, too. I'll always be grieving."

She nodded, "Me, too."

"I know." I nodded back at her. "So, forgive my attitude. It happens every once in a while."

She started to cry and I couldn't help but cry with her. Soon we both were sobbing gripping each other as if we'd never see each other. It was depressing and yet it helped more than anything else had. I didn't like being angry but today had seemed unusually hard and I just needed a good cry. I missed my dog. I missed my family. I missed…

Pulling away from her, I wiped the tears away again, "I'm sorry."

"Me, too." She replied.

"We good?" I asked.

"Of course." She told me matter-of-factly. "We're family."

Feeling the tears well again, I hugged her again, "Thank you, Maggie."

"Thank you."

"I love you." I told her with a thick voice.

She replied with the same, "I love you."

Letting each other go, we both took a deep breath, smiling at each other before we kept moving. Coming out onto the road, there was barely enough light to see the others by. Walking back toward them, I didn't say anything as I sat against the base of a tree, leaning my head against it.

"Linny." Rick said as he sat next to me.

"I'm tired." I told him.

"What's wrong?" He asked.

Looking up at him, my eyes met the penetrating blue of his and for a split second I wanted to tell him that I was thinking of a man that wasn't him. But I couldn't do that to him. Instead, I leaned closer to him, parting my lips before kissing him deeply. Then I rested my head against his chest and shut my eyes. He didn't say anything. He didn't question it. He simply held me close and I fell asleep to the sound of him breathing and to his heart beating.

I woke up to the sun shining through the trees. Opening my eyes, Judith was lying next to me, grinning and cooing as she kicked her feet. Beaming at her, I reached out and took her hand. She kicked harder, shrieking a little as she drooled. Laughing, I leaned forward, blowing a raspberry into her neck and made her shriek even louder. Then there was light laughter and Michonne stepped up to us. She squatted down and put her hand against my hip and her other against Judith back.

"How are you feeling?" She asked me as she smiled at the baby.

"Better." I smiled, rubbing Judith's hand with my thumb.

"Hungry?" Rick asked as he stepped up to us.

Frowning up at him, I got to my feet, picking Judith up with me. "Don't start."

"I'm just worried is all." He replied.

"Truth be told, I'm starving." I told him. "I just don't want to eat dog."

"I'm sorry." He told me. "I just don't know what's going on."

"What's going on is that I don't want to eat an animal that I've called family in the past. It feels a little like cannibalism." I attempted to explain.

He nodded, bringing his face closer to mine. "I'm sorry."

Smiling, I leaned in and kissed him deeply, whispering, "I love you."

He smiled and pulled me tightly against him, "I love you."

Then he was kissing me again. For the briefest of moments he let his walls down and continued to kiss me in front of everyone. Grinning at him, I brushed my nose against his as I gently rubbed his beard.

"Thank you." I whispered to him.

"I kind of have a thing for you." He smiled. Laughing lightly, I nodded as I pressed my face against his.

"Caroline." Daryl said making me look at him.

My eyes lit up and I wanted to kiss him as he held up a rabbit. "Daryl." I said as I rushed to him, throwing my arms around him. "Thank you."

"Showing me up." Rick smiled as he hugged him next.

Daryl gently shoved him, "Can't let her starve."

Rolling my eyes, I was already building a fire. Only it wasn't just me who ate. Everyone had breakfast, even if it was a meager one.

"Here." Abraham said handing me half of his rabbit portion.

"No." I told him. "Eat."

"Take it."

"Abe."

"Take it."

Smiling, I did as I was told, "Thank you."

"Here." Glenn said doing the same.

"I'm good, guys." I stated as Daryl did the same. "Men." I smirked at them.

"Deal with it." Daryl told me. "Now eat."

Devouring the food, I was happily full; the only thing missing was a decent amount of water to wash it down with. Daryl sat next to me, nudging me as he met my eyes. Smiling I put my hand against his face, leaning in and kissing his cheek.

"Thank you." I told him.

"Alright." Rick said to the group. "Let's get moving. We're getting close."

Standing up, I swiftly moved to his side, slipping my hand into his. "Wanna walk with me?" I smiled at him.

He wrapped his arm around me, "Always."

"Will you do me a favor?" I asked as I drew lines against his stomach.

He nodded, "Yeah."

I leaned into him, "Kiss me, baby." He smiled and gently gripped my chin, kissing me deeply. "I love you, Rick."

"I love you, Caroline." He smiled and kissed me again.

"You're getting better at the PDA's." I teased.

He looked around us and nobody was even looking at us, "Still…"

"Still nothing." I replied. "In a world like this, if I want to kiss you I will. Life is too short, baby. I love you. I'm not afraid to show it."

"I'm not afraid. I've just been more private in my personal life." He replied.

I shot him a look, "There is no privacy in this world. And the moment we find some, I plan on doing so many things to you." He laughed and I saw his cheeks turn red. "You're adorable." I told him and laughed.

"And I can hear everything." Carl said as he passed us by.

Laughing harder, I gripped Rick tight before taking his hand, ready to face the day. My melancholy was at bay for now, though I couldn't stop the memories from going through my head. All the people who had died…all the people I'd loved…feeling a little alone despite the hand that was still firmly in mine.

"Is there something you haven't told me?" Rick asked as we walked.

I laughed lightly, "There's a lot of things I haven't told you."

"Like what?" He asked.

"Rick." I said softly. "We've known each other for months but that still doesn't mean we know everything about each other."

"I don't hide anything." He told me.

"I don't hide much." I replied and laughed.

"Do you think I can't handle it?" He asked.

"I think you can handle anything." I told him honestly. "It's me who can't handle the telling."

"Something worse than Ben, Hannah, and Mozzie?" He asked. I looked away from him, trying to hide the emotion, going as far as letting go of his hand. "Linny?"

"Yeah, baby." I told him. "Yeah it is."

"When you're ready." He said wrapping his arm around me.

Looking up at him, I leaned against his side, "Thank you."

"I don't want to push you." He told me.

Smiling, I kissed him, "I appreciate that."

"I'm going to push." Maggie said coming up on my other side, a frown on her face. I sighed and shook my head. "I'm going to push to because that's what family does, Linny. We don't have secrets. We help each other through everything." She paused, speaking softly. "People die, Linny."

My head jerked toward her, "I know people die, Maggie. We all know it. It's still very fresh for all of us."

"We need to learn to let them go." She told me sadly.

Laughter started to roll out of me and you could feel the air get tense, "You of all people shouldn't be saying shit like that. Your family is gone. How are you doing at letting them go?"

"Caroline." Rick said from behind me.

"No." I shot at him. "If she wants to talk about death and letting people go then fine, let's talk about it." She started to cry again, silently, trying to hold it back. Sighing, I stepped closer to her. "I'm damaged, Maggie. You're damaged. We're all damaged and I want to rally. I want to let the dead go and just keep moving forward. It's hard. We all know it's hard and we have each other, we do, and that means the world to me. I have Rick and you and everyone. But sometimes I need to feel the pain of the past. It's a reminder of what I'm fighting for. What I'm looking for. Who I am striving to be. That pain is what grounds me. Sometimes it turns me into a bitch. Most of the time though…it helps me be a better person. You know that's what I want. I want to be better and I want you and everyone because no matter how many times I say I want to be alone or try to be alone I – I don't want to be alone."

"I know." She told me.

"So push me." I told her. "I'll let you. But don't expect me to back down because I won't. Some things are better left unsaid and some pains can't be verbalized. I feel it. It's there. Doesn't mean I want or have to share it. It's my pain and I'd like it to stay with me." I paused, sighing again. "People have secrets, Mags. They do. I do. I think they're needed even more now because people suck. Look at fucking Eugene who's lie brought them across the country where countless people died for a lie that he told. He's a horrible person and I kind of hate him." Then I had to stop. Knowing that I had officially come full circle. Sighing again, I smiled, "Damn, Maggie." She just smiled at me. "Fine. No secrets. Only I get one."

She wrapped her arm around me, "One."

"One."

Sticking with her, we didn't say anything else, we just walked.

And walked.

And walked.

And walked.

It was hot and we were all tired. I fell in and out of step with just about everyone in the group, feeling up and down, wanting to just stop but stopping meant death. I watched as the little water we had was passed between each other. Glenn fighting with Maggie to make her drink. I listened to her talk about Beth and how she never thought she was alive. She hoped she was alive and out there safe, but to come so close to her and then to have her die…it obliterated her. I understood that. She understood what she was feeling but the sadness of it all was so damn hard to shake.

Abraham tried to offer Sasha the bottle of booze but she shot him down. She was in worse shape than Maggie. I felt like I couldn't help anyone and that was all I wanted to do. Helping them helped me. If we were all drowning in grief then none of us were going to make it. If we let defeat take hold then we were not going to make it. We needed something – anything – to break out of the funk we were in. I'd settle for a little goddamn rain.

"Do you think if we all think about rain hard enough it might actually rain?" I asked Sasha. She didn't say anything. "I do believe in the power of positive thinking. So if we all –"

"You never told me." She interrupted.

"What?" I frowned.

"You never told me what you promised him." She replied. "Bob." She clarified. "You were going to tell me but you never did."

Sighing, I attempted to put my arm around her but she shifted and shrugged out of my embrace. "You're gonna have to let me touch you if you want me to tell you." I stated. She looked at me with heavily furrowed brows. I just looked back. She sighed and nodded, letting me wrap my arm around her. "He loved you, Sasha. He loved you something fierce. And it was because he loved you that he was terrified to leave you." She looked at me sadly. "He knew what it would do and he couldn't stand the thought of you turning hard and never smiling or laughing again."

"You still haven't answered my question." She frowned.

"He asked that I don't let you go hard. That I make you smile and laugh every once in a while."

She nodded, cracking a smile, "He would want that."

"He would." I smiled. "And I think I could have done a really good job at making you smile."

"Could have?" She asked.

Sighing, I nodded, "My job just got a lot harder. After Tyreese and Beth and everything else? Laughing is probably not going to be high on anyone's list."

"You manage to laugh more than the rest of us." She stated.

"Yeah, I'm just a kid in a grownup body. I can't help myself. You should see me in a candy shop." I smirked at her.

She smiled, "You like candy?"

"No, not really." I said and laughed lightly. She shook her head and gently shoved me. "I'm more of a salty kind of person. Bring me to a place with popcorn and I'll be all over that."

"What flavor?"

"Cheese." I stated.

She laughed and nodded, "Yeah. That sounds good."

"You know what else sounds good?" I asked. She just looked at me. "Not smelling like a homeless person and having some goddamn toothpaste to get the fuzz off my teeth."

She laughed lightly, "Thank you."

"You're welcome." I smiled back, keeping my arm around her.

I knew it wouldn't last but it was something. One baby step at a time. One distraction at a time. Since it was time that would heal all wounds. I tried to think of some saying that I used to know. About time healing all things but I was still waiting…something like that. I didn't think we'd ever truly be healed. We'd just learn to live with the pain.

Walking in silence, I watched as Daryl moved into the woods. Swiftly moving after him, I touched Glenn's arm as I passed him, only before I could make it past the tree line, my arm was grabbed.

"He wants to be alone." Carol told me.

"I know he does." I replied. "But we're family. We don't do things alone. Not anymore."

She smiled and let me go, "Take care of him."

"You do it best but I'm an okay substitute." I smirked at her before disappearing after him.

He disappeared quicker than I thought he would, not catching up to him for several minutes. As soon as I spotted him, I hung back, just walking with him, letting him have his space. I knew that he was aware that I was here. I knew that he was probably not happy about it. But I didn't care. He shouldn't be alone. No matter how much he wanted to be.

"Why are you here, Linny?" He asked me.

Closing the distance between us, I gently nudged him, "I don't want you to be alone right now."

"Or ever." He stated.

Sighing, I looked up at him with annoyance, "I am well aware that you can take care of yourself and anything that gets thrown at you. That's not the point, Daryl. The point is that people died and they meant something to you – to us – and all you want to do is try and run away. You need to face it, Daryl. Just like the rest of us."

"What's your secret?" He responded.

"What?" I frowned.

"I heard you and Maggie." He stated. "You're hiding somethin'."

"I am but that has nothing to do with what's going on now." I retorted.

"It does if it's affecting you now."

"Daryl, it's the past." I frowned at him. "It was a long time ago."

"But it still means something, Linny." He stated. "If the past didn't mean anything then why would it matter if Merle died or Ben or any of us? If it doesn't matter then that would mean that they didn't matter."

"They matter, okay?!" I yelled at him. "Jesus, Daryl. They matter but we also can't let their deaths control us. I'm allowed to have a weak moment or two just like the rest of us. We're all weak right now."

"Just go back, Linny." He told me.

"No." I stated. "You can tell me whatever you want to, Daryl. I'm not leaving you."

He didn't say anything. It was annoying. If he was trying to piss me off it was working. But I still wasn't going to leave him. He was having just as hard a time as the rest of us were. He was just better at hiding it, making it seem like he was put together. He wasn't. He was going to break and I didn't want him to be alone when that happened.

Coming out of the trees on a dirt road, I stayed a few paces behind him, not feeling much like being right next to him. Looking at my feet, I was picking at a stick, trying not to dwell on everything that had happened. Then I ran into him and he swiftly took my hand. Looking up at him, he was looking ahead. Following his line of sight, I saw a cabin just down the way. He walked toward it, stopping before sitting at the base of a tree. He held my hand the whole way and I followed suit.

Letting my hand go, he pulled out a pack of cigarettes and a lighter. I sighed and frowned at him but he just raised a brow before lighting one up and starting to smoke it. He took a few drags and I could tell that the feelings inside of him were building. He took one last drag before he started to put it out on his hand. Taking it from him, I put it out in the dirt next to me. Looking up at him, he swiftly pressed his forehead to mine. Then the sobs started to come from him. Pulling him against my chest, I held tight to him as he cried. I didn't attempt to quiet him or comfort him. He needed to let it out and I'd hold him until he was ready for me to let him go.

"Thank you." He told me as we headed back.

"You're welcome." I replied, taking his hand. "I'd do anything for you, Daryl. You're my best friend. So don't try and push me away. Don't think that you need to do anything alone. You're not alone."

He smiled, "It's kinda funny to hear you say that."

"Yeah, well, Maggie set me straight. She keeps setting me straight." I replied.

"What about Rick? Doesn't he?"

Smiling, I felt a slight blush, "Yes, Rick sets me straight, too. But he lets me just be me. Maggie doesn't."

"That's family for ya." He replied, squeezing my hand.

"I'm happy that we're family." I told him. "Even if I don't seem like it sometimes."

"Me, too."

When we got back to the others, we stepped onto the road to see everyone in a circle. Rick turned and looked at us, swiftly stepping up and holding out a piece of paper. We both read it: From a Friend. Daryl immediately pulled out his bow and started to move around the group. I reached for my gun but Rick stopped me.

"What's going on?" I asked him.

"Someone left water for us." He replied and we moved back to the group.

"You okay?" Maggie asked.

I nodded, "I'm fine." Daryl appeared at my side and looked at me. "Any thoughts?" Rick shook his head. Taking his hand, I put mine against his arm. "Do we trust it?"

"Of course not." He smirked at me.

"What else are we gonna do?" Tara asked.

"Not this." Rick replied. "We don't know who left it."

"If that's a trap, we already happen to be in it." Eugene stated. "But I, for one, would like to think it is indeed from a friend."

Counting them out, there were four jugs and ten water bottles. We needed water and here it was staring us in the face. "Rick." I said looking up at him.

"No, Linny." He replied.

"What if it isn't?" Carol added. "They put something in it?"

Eugene stepped forward and grabbed a water bottle.

"Eugene." Rosita said as if scolding a child.

"What are you doing, dude?" Tara asked.

"Quality assurance." He replied and opened the bottle. Before he could take a drink, Abraham slapped it out of his hands without saying a word.

"We can't." Rick told him.

"We need water, Rick." I stated softly.

"I know, baby, but we can't trust this and you know it."

Meeting his eyes, I nodded, "I do. I'm just thirsty. More so now that it's within reach but the risk is too high."

He put his hand against my face, lowering his to look me in the eye, "We're going to be fine, Caroline. We've been through worse."

Putting my hand over his, I nodded at him. He smiled and kissed me quickly. As if by some miracle, thunder rumbled and we felt the first drops of rain. Then it got harder, pouring down on top of us. You could feel the relief flowing off of everyone as we tilted our heads back and opened our mouths to the sky. Nothing had tasted sweeter. Only then Rick had me in his arms, kissing me properly. Laughing, I gently tugged on his beard as he leaned away, kissing him again.

"I love you." He told me.

"I love you, Rick." I replied and kissed him again. "Dance with me."

"Right now?" He asked, his brows slightly furrowing.

I put my mouth to his ear, gently biting his lobe as I ran my tongue along it, "Dance with me, baby."

He took my hand as he put his arm around my waist, holding me tightly against him as we started to move. Everyone else fell away and it was just me and him, dancing in the rain. We were soaked and it felt amazing. But the moment didn't last long enough. He needed to see that our empty bottles were being filled and that everyone was taken care of. He was the leader and even in this world that meant those closest to them felt slightly neglected.

"I've got you." Carl said and wrapped his arm around my waist.

Laughing, I put my arm around him, "Why thank you, kind sir."

Our moment was cut short again as the thunder and lightning intensified, making me jump and grip him tighter. Looking at the others, Carl went to Judith, holding his hat over her as we scrambled to get water.

"Let's keep moving." Rick stated.

I looked at Daryl and he nodded, "There's a barn!"

"Where?"

Grabbing everything we could, Daryl lead us back to it, the men going in to check it out. No place was safe and we had to assume that somebody or something was inside of it. Staying with Carl and Judith, Maggie slipped inside and it didn't take long for the sound of a walker to be heard, only it silenced just as quickly.

Rick whistled and we all filed in, taking in the spacious place. Everyone seemed to disperse to their own little corner of the barn. Our family huddled together in front of a small fire. All of us but Maggie. She was lying apart from us, still weighted down by grief. Sasha and Abraham seemed to be segregating themselves as well.

"I'll try." Glenn said as he moved toward the fire. We had tried to make it bigger but the wood was too wet to make it any bigger.

"No, too wet." Rick stated.

"It'll do." I stated as I ran my fingers through Carl's hair. It didn't take long for him to lie down and fall asleep with Judith.

"He's gonna be okay. He bounces back more than any of us do." Carol stated as both Rick and I watched him.

"I used to feel sorry for kids that have to grow up now. In this." Rick replied. "But I think I got it wrong. Growing up is getting used to the world. This is easier for them."

"This isn't the world. This isn't it." Michonne stated.

"It might be." Glenn stated, getting a look from her. "It might."

"That's giving up."

"It's reality." I shot at her, getting a smile from Glenn. "Eugene lied. This may be exactly what the world is now. We need to accept that or surviving is just going to get harder."

"Hey." Rick said putting his hand on my thigh.

"Sorry." I told him.

"Don't be." He replied. "Until we see otherwise, this is what we have to live with." He added and paused. I wrapped my hand around his, smiling at him. "When I was a kid…I asked my grandpa once if he ever killed any Germans in the war. He wouldn't answer. He said that was grown-up stuff, so…I asked him if the Germans ever tried to kill him. But he got real quiet. He said he was dead the minute he stepped into enemy territory. Every day he woke up and told himself "Rest in peace. Now get up and go to war." And then after a few years of pretending he was dead…he made it out alive." He paused again. "That's the trick of it, I think. We do what we need to do and then we get to live. But no matter what we find in DC, I know we'll be okay. Because this is how we survive. We tell ourselves…that we are the walking dead."

Smiling, I let his hand go, gently running my fingers through his hair.

"We ain't them." Daryl stated. He got up and put more wood on the fire.

Rick looked at him, "We're not them. Hey. We're not."

Daryl stood up, "We ain't them."

Sighing, I watched him grab his bow and walk away. Looking at Carol, she smiled and shrugged. I nodded, taking Rick's hand again, wanting the comfort of just touching him. Trailing my fingers up and down his arm, I pressed a kiss against his shoulder. I shut my eyes as he pressed his lips to my forehead.

We all settled down for the night. I laid down next to Carl with Rick next to me. He wrapped his arm around me and I couldn't help but feel safe and warm. Despite the storm that was ragging around us, I fell asleep quickly, and more content then I thought I would. We got something to drink. We'd gotten to eat. We had shelter. That was about as much as we could ask for right now.

I woke to a blast of thunder, opening my eyes to see intense lightning illuminating the barn. Hearing something, I sat up, seeing Daryl, Maggie, and Sasha attempting to hold the door shut. Shaking Rick, he woke up, getting up as I moved over him, rushing to the door. Slamming my hands against it, the dead were pushing back with such force that I put my shoulder into it. Rick was at my side a second later, then other hands as everyone came together to keep the dead out of the barn. Our feet kept sliding against the mud as the dead kept pushing against us. Carl was with us as well and for a moment I panicked as I thought of Judith. But I couldn't move right now, fingers reaching through the crack in the door. The wind was howling and rain was spraying through. Meeting Rick's eyes, he nodded at me, covering my hand with his. Nodding back, I took a deep breath, still pushing as hard as I could.