CHAPTER 17: INTERLUDE PART 2
NOZOMI
"Oh, haha, you're silly babe. I got to go, love you Nozomi."
"Love you too, Eli." A click.
The succulent was dying. Brown crept from the tips to the center of the thick leaves. No matter how often it was water, given plant growth, or how much sunlight it was given on the windowsill, it refused to thrive. Rider, with his thick mangy hair, had seemed to absorb all the energy. Nozomi had known it was going to die when she picked it up. She had the withered plant in the corner of her window, and yet she had bought it anyways. Maybe she wanted to rebel. Or maybe, a darker part of her mused, she wanted to see if she could fight her premonitions.
Dead plant aside, the apartment did not appear to be neglected; the dishes were washed, the surfaces were cleared and dusted, dinner was cooking in the hot-pot. What was not visible to the eye, however was the negative space a woman had left behind. No expensive perfume (a light floral scent) in the bedroom; where they had lain together for hours, watching each other's faces as they stroked one another, cried into the fabric to silent the full-throated sighs. (Eli always left a few golden hairs on the violet pillows.) The air no longer came through open windows, cool currents did not dance underneath their skirts, did not dandle against her legs. No hopeful inquires of dinner, was it going to be those fancy chocolates tonight?
Did Eli know, how Nozomi loathed the sight of the empty chair across the table?
Nozomi had not cared to go home, after the last client. She was sapped, her spiritual power all but depleted. The reading had been difficult; inquires of life and death (pregnancies, life support, the uneasy hips of an old dog) Nozomi wondered if she had truly helped, or if she had charged entirely too much money to flip over a two of swords and declare there was a large decision to be made. The potential baby was entirely too ambiguous, the life support a five of pentacles, and the dog a four of swords- something to be deeply considered. Clear as mud.
All she saw these days was uncertainty.
Walking home was a haze, only a sense of the future would get her home in one piece. It seemed every time she turned a corner another car would pull out in front of her, every crosswalk had a red light plowed through. Wet steps and uneven sidewalks plagued her as she made her way from the office to the store to home. Sometimes she idly wondered if her hour was up: it was disconcerting that the thought passed so casually by her. The month had dragged in her solitude. Eli would call at odd hours with strange noises in the background, the steady trickle of clients equally as worried. The economy. Their careers. Their marriages. No one liked September, least of all Nozomi. Cool without the burst of color, hot without the carefree breezes of summer. Today it was hot, and Nozomi's draping materials clung to her in a fabric prison. She drank a beer, one of Eli's prized ones, put her feet over Eli's chair. Would that show her, on who knows what continent?
Did Eli know, how Nozomi loathed the sight of the empty chair across the table?
Nozomi shook her head. Was it a mantra? An intrusive thought to be played, over and over?
Her mind extended wherever it wanted, with little regard for Nozomi. Flashes of a plane touching down, an airport café. St. Petersburgh? Smoke in the air, a different brand than Eli normally snuck after long noontime naps.
Would Eli notice her bruised eyes, her downward gaze? These days, Nozomi could scarcely hold eye contact.
It wasn't always Eli. Sometimes her parents- Nozomi did her best to shut those out- sometimes long lost friends. Mostly it was her teammates. Hanayo pouring over extensive murals, Rin working out, Maki studying hard, Nico… being Nico. She appreciated those ones. It made her happy to see how far they'd come. Kotori and Umi made less sense, and often they were choppier. Eli was the most elusive.
But Honoka? Nozomi could not see Honoka at all.
Eli called that evening. Nozomi had let it ring for a good twenty seconds before picking up. They didn't have much to say- as if Eli would tell her anything- only exchanged brief version of their day before exchanging those mandatory relationship words Nozomi had come to dread yet needed at the end of a phone call.
"I do miss you." I miss having a real relationship. I miss when you told me anything. Do you miss this, Eli? "When will you be home?"
"I miss you too. I'll be home soon."
"Russia, right?"
Eli seemed genuinely surprised. "You knew?"
"Spiritual power."
"Oh, haha, you're silly babe. I got to go, love you Nozomi."
"Love you too Eli." A click.
Hadn't they already had this conversation? Nozomi was going mad.
Did it matter anymore, if Eli was cheating? A lie was a lie, another girl just added an extra stab to the gut. Secrets ate you from within. They devoured security, trust, love. To love is to be genuine, to lie is to…
Nozomi did not let herself finish the thought. Hadn't they dreamed- back when they shared a bed every night of the week rather than a few weekends every few months- that they'd adopt a child one day? Eli would be the dad, they'd joked, Nozomi as the perfect mother. They would visit Moskau together, visit their old hometowns, take their child to see musicals and dance recitials and shows- they would travel the world together and-
The buzzer of the hot pot went off. Nozomi ignored it.
Even then, Nozomi had known something was wrong. Not with Eli, exactly. With everything. Their dreams were static, their futures growing dimmer as time marched forward. Was she losing her touch? Was it that her power might be growing weaker? But no- Nozomi could sense the things around her, see what others could not. There was something else at work. She'd felt it for a while now.
She didn't need the cards to tell her. They had, the night before. The Tower. One did not need the specifics. Everything was going to go to hell. Had everything been going to hell around her and she had not noticed? The soft crush of night had fallen. Nozomi crawled into bed, trying not to think of Eli's side anymore, Eli's pillow, Eli's arms around her. She tried to relish the full glory of an unshared bed. A cold bed and a secretive girlfriend, Nozomi decided, was the world going to hell.