Chapter Forty-four: Trouble Is Never Far
Waking to the sun's rays on my face, I couldn't believe the happiness that was flowing through me. I needed one of those montages so I could skip around and do all the motherly things as well as go to work and help someone. It was surreal. I was in a bed and I had a man who loved me and kids that I thought of as my own. I just - the feeling - this was ours - there wasn't enough words to describe how happy I was.
Getting up, I got ready for the day, everything feeling like it had before. Showering, going through my usual routine in front of the mirror, brushing my teeth, putting on the navy blue scrubs…it was all like before. This was how we used to live and we were lucky enough to have it back again. Skipping down the stairs, I skidded into the kitchen only to find it empty. Deflating, I made myself some eggs, grabbing a muffin that Carol had made. She must have already gotten Judith ready for the day and was out and about.
Leaving, I moved toward the infirmary, going through everything I wanted to get done today. Things were pretty much put together but there were still a few things I could putz with. Now that Ben was gone, I had no reason not to jump back into the routines that we were making. I needed the distraction more than ever and after another day or two I knew that I was going to be bored unless something happened. Not that I wanted it to. I just…needed to keep moving forward. I couldn't fall back into old habits. I needed to embrace what we had. I need to stop worrying so fucking much.
"Hey." Rosita said as she came in as I was just getting started. "What are we up to today?"
"We are finishing organizing the closet and then we might take one last look at the layout of this place, just to see if we've tried everything." I replied.
"I thought you liked the way we put it." She frowned.
"I do." I replied. "But…after everything…"
She nodded at me, "You need to do something."
"If I'm not here keeping busy, then what am I supposed to do?" I asked her.
"Live?" She offered.
Laughing, I nodded, "Yeah. I just can't seem to stop thinking about him." She smiled and stepped closer to me. "I remember every second of that fire, thinking he was inside of it. It took me a long time to move on and then he just fell back into my life. I'm happy with the outcome, but I'm worried about him. If he left and ended up getting into trouble and – I just – I don't think I'd be able to forgive myself for that." I admitted to her.
"We'll probably never know." She told me. "If we do then that would mean he's probably alive."
Nodding again, I took a deep breath, "He's capable. He'll be okay."
"He is and he will." She smiled at me. "Now stop thinking about him. We have a community here to worry about. Making sure we have everything organized for optimal care is important."
"Maybe we should go on a run to the nearest clinic or hospital. I'd love a couple more IV poles and some different sizes of ET tubes."
"That would be helpful." She nodded. "But we already have one group heading out today. Not sure it would be a good day for it."
Sighing, I dropped my shoulders, "You're probably right."
"And you know Glenn would want to come with."
I nodded, "Since Abe is off being a construction worker."
She laughed, "Yeah, nothing weird about that."
"He's a frickin beast." I stated. "He can handle anything that gets thrown at him. He is pretty amazing."
"Wanna swap for a day?" She asked and laughed.
Laughing harder than was probably necessary, I shook my head, "Something tells me that Rick isn't really your type."
"If I didn't already know you two were together, I wouldn't think he was yours either." She replied.
Stopping what I was doing, I looked at her with furrowed brows, "Why would you say that?"
She shrugged, "I don't know. You love to laugh and have fun. He's pretty serious all the time. He's always worst case scenario. You can see both sides of things and decide what's best from there. You assess before you act. He doesn't. That makes him a good leader but sometimes I think if you whispered in his ear more, some things might not have gone down."
Frowning, I thought about that, seeing her expression grow a little anxious when the silence started to feel heavy.
"I shouldn't have said anything." She told me.
"No." I said. "No, Rosita, it's fine. I just…never thought of it that way. He is a good leader. He may not always make the right decisions but you know they're made with the safety of our group in mind."
"What if you had let him win about not coming here? That could have killed us." She replied.
I nodded, "Yeah, it could have. But coming here could have killed us, too. We told you about Terminus. He had every right to be leery about this place. Aaron was the only reason I even considered giving it a try."
"You can tell the good from the bad."
"I hope so." I smirked at her. "Otherwise I'd probably still be alone out there."
"Was Ben the first person you met after it all started."
Pausing, I could have told her the truth. I could have told her about Sean. But he had become the most private thing about me and despite the feeling of wanting to talk about him sometimes, I was still more than happy keeping him all to myself.
"Yeah." I finally told her. "Actually, I met Hannah first. I fell in love with her and it was a long time before I let Ben in."
"Was the same for Rick?" She asked.
Laughing lightly, I met her eyes, "Why so curious all of a sudden?"
"It's not all of a sudden." She smirked at me. "But it's like the story of your life has been put into a vault, leaving very little to public knowledge."
"What are you talking about?" I laughed at her. "I've never been shy about my story. Not anymore and especially not when it came back to life for all to see. So if everyone else is keeping it quiet, I couldn't tell you why."
"They're protecting you."
"Have they all told you their stories?" I asked.
She was quiet a moment, "I guess I only know bits and pieces about everyone."
"It's not like we know any more about you and where you come from." I stated. "You've been around a lot of men. Probably ex-military. Mechanic type. Able to take care of yourself."
She smiled, "That's basically it."
"So why should I tell you more about me?" I asked her.
"You don't have to." She replied. "I was just curious."
Sighing, I nodded, "It's okay to be curious. But I guess my story really isn't that interesting."
"Liar." She smiled.
Laughing, I nodded again, "About this, I am. But it doesn't matter. I'm happy with where I am now. It took a lot to get me here but it's not as necessary to know as what's already been shared."
She scoffed and shook her head at me, "That may be the best and vaguest response to avoid talking about it."
Laughing again, I nodded, "Let's just say that it did take a long time for me to let Rick in. But the circumstances were very different."
"How?"
"I hated him." I smiled at her.
She gave me a kind of excited look, "You can't tell me that and not give me details."
Grinning, I shook my head at her, "Fine, what do want to know?"
"Everything. Obviously." She replied.
We were interrupted as the door opened, letting Pete in. He looked at us, smiling, "Hey, ladies. What are we up to today?"
"Just finishing a couple things." I told him.
"Nice to see you back." He smiled.
Nodding, I smiled back at him, "Yeah, I just needed a few days to deal."
"Understandable." He nodded. "It's not every day that your past comes back to haunt you."
My smiled faltered, "No."
Spending the rest of the day trying to look busy enough to keep him from talking to me, I started to write out the manual outlining where everything was and how to use certain things. Rosita started to draw out diagrams, finding that she was much better at that then I was and I didn't think I was all that bad. Though as the day wore on, she distracted me with a rousing game of Hangman and another of Tic-tac-toe.
"Hey, guys." Jessie said coming into the clinic.
"Jessie!" I exclaimed, throwing my arm into the air.
She laughed and came over to where Rosita and I were sitting, "I can see you two have been busy today."
I raised a brow and handed her a thick stack of paper, "We've been very productive today."
She took a look through it all, "Wow. Yes you have. This is great." Then she looked over her shoulder at Pete. "This is going to be very helpful."
"Because I've failed so many times?" He shot at her.
"No." She replied quickly. "No, I'm not saying that."
I swiftly got up, stepping next to her, "She's not saying that at all. But this will make us all more efficient. You don't have to do it alone anymore."
"You do know a little about a lot of things." He smirked at me, that lustful look returning to him.
Jessie noticed and took in the uneasy expression on my face. "Ready to go home?" She asked her husband.
He looked at her, "I'll be home later. I don't need an escort."
His tone was kind but I knew that was just because there were other people in the room. "You know what?" I said with my eyes on him. "I would love an escort home." I smiled at Jessie.
"Me, too." Rosita smiled.
Jessie smiled at me, "Let's go."
Leaving the infirmary, Pete didn't try to stop us. Every time I saw him with Jessie I had a horrible feeling in my stomach. She knew it, too, smiling at me with as cool an expression as she could. But I could see right through it.
"Jessie." I said sadly.
"It's fine." She smiled at me. "He's not a bad guy." I sighed and gave her a knowing look. "I know." She finally told me.
Gently rubbing her back, I pulled her against my side, "If you need anything. A place to stay even, you come to us, okay?"
She smiled and nodded, "Okay."
"Do you want to come for dinner?" Rosita asked her.
"No." She smiled. "Thank you. But I'll go home and eat with my family."
"Your boys are always welcome, too." I stated.
She nodded, hugging me tightly, "Thank you."
"You're welcome." I smiled, gently playing with her hair. "I kind of like you, you know."
She laughed lightly, "I kind of like you, too."
She went inside, while I stood there and watched. I wanted to go after her and wait for Pete to get home so we could have words, but I knew that Jessie wouldn't appreciate that. It would only make things worse. But it was definitely going to weigh on me. It would serve as an alternative to worrying about Ben. He wasn't here anymore, but Jessie was. She was here and if she needed help than I would be there for her.
Rosita went into her home, leaving me alone to walk next door. Going inside, I was pleasantly surprised to see Rick in just his jeans and white tee. He was holding Judith and when he looked up at me, a big grin crossed both their faces. Returning it, I moved toward them, wrapping my arm around Rick as I took Judith's hand. She gripped my finger tightly before reaching for me.
"Sweet pea." I beamed at her as I took her from her father.
"You okay?" Rick asked.
"Yeah." I told him. "I'm just worried about Jessie."
"Still?"
"With good reason."
"Do you think she's being abused?" He frowned.
"Verbally." I nodded. "I can only speculate about anything else."
He nodded, "Yeah."
"You're constable now." I smiled at him. "Your job is to keep the peace."
He nodded again, "I will if I have to."
Meeting his eyes, I put my hand against his face, "I think you might have to."
He pressed a kiss against my forehead before my lips, resting his forehead against mine, "I love you."
"Good." I replied. "Because I love you, too."
"You know," he said as we moved to the kitchen, "Jessie's owl statue that she's been making for the boys was destroyed today."
"By who?" I frowned at him.
He shook his head, "No idea. No one saw or heard anything. I spent a lot of the day asking around."
"Both helpful and boring." I smirked at him.
He chuckled, "Yes, it was."
"What are you gonna do about it?" I asked him.
"Not sure there is much I can do. Even in a community this small, I still rely on someone seeing or hearing something."
"At least it was just a statue." I told him.
He nodded, "We'll have to keep an eye on them."
"Done." I replied. "I don't like Pete. Something is going to happen. I can feel it."
"I hope not."
Starting dinner, Judith was in her pack-n-play while Rick and I moved around each other, talking as we cooked. We appeared to be the only ones home and were more than capable of taking care of dinner. Carol did enough for everyone else, we could at least look out for our own. Only we had to stop thinking like that. We were all one community. We weren't segregated anymore. We were all the same.
We were nearly done when there was knocking on the door. Rick looked at me before going to it, leaving me and Judith alone in the kitchen. Smiling at her, I recognized the voice as soon as I heard it, taking the few steps toward Judith to see Pete standing in front of Rick.
"Thought I'd bring you one for helping my wife today." Pete said offering him one of the two beer he was holding.
"Rick?" I said stepping toward them, making sure I was in front of Judith.
"Linny." Pete said as his expression glazed over a little.
He was clearly already drunk.
Rick looked at me, "It's okay." Then his eyes were on Pete, "Um, I'm good, but thanks."
"Come on, don't tell me you're still on duty."
"Kind of always am, you know?" He replied trying to be nice.
"Well, not at Deanna's party." Pete smiled. "I saw you. You had some, right?"
"You know, I wish I could have helped out more today." Rick told him as he attempted to divert the conversation. "I asked around, but nobody saw or heard anything."
"Well, it was just an owl. Grand scheme of things, I think we'll live." Pete smiled.
"Yeah." Rick nodded.
"I'm sorry. Heard you lost your wife. You know…I'm sure it looks like we haven't lost much but we have." He said attempting to justify whatever he thought Rick was thinking. "We've lost things. Other things we're just fighting like hell to hold on to. Everything you people have been through, I don't know if you see that."
"We do." Rick nodded.
I wanted to interject but I knew that I wouldn't be helping anything. Judith started to fuss and I quickly picked her up, holding her tight against me. Pete's eyes immediately moved to us and I hated the way he was looking at us.
"Bring your kids in for a checkup." Pete said cheerily. "I know I offered you and Linny one, but they really should come in. They were out there a while, right?"
"Yeah." Rick said kindly. "Thanks, Pete."
I watched as Pete stepped forward, getting in Rick's face. I put Judith down again, ready to intervene if I had to. Pete was under the influence. I trusted Rick with all of me but even he couldn't stop something from happening if Pete really wanted to start something. He was a big guy, but between the pair of us, I figured we could handle him.
"Let's be friends, man." Pete smiled at him. "We kind of have to be, right?"
Rick nodded at him, "Yeah, we do."
"So, we will. I'll see you, Rick."
He left and I swiftly moved to Rick's side. He was standing there with a frown on his face. His fingers moved to the wedding band, looking at it as he turned it. Smiling, I took his left hand in both of mine, touching it myself.
"Sorry." He told me. "I guess it's time to take it off."
"It's up to you." I replied. "I'm not going to pressure you in any way."
He snaked his arm around me, yanking me against his chest, "You may just be perfect."
Laughing, I shook my head, "Shut up. I am nowhere near perfect. But she was your wife. If I had a husband or a keepsake of any kind, I wouldn't be giving it up lightly."
"You have nothing from Ben?" He asked.
I shook my head, "No. Just memories. I'll remember him forever but…no. I don't have anything left. The last thing he gave me was Mozzie's collar and you know what I did with that."
He nodded at me, "Yeah. I do."
Smiling, I put my hand against his face, "Hate to say it, baby, but everything I own was given to me after I met you." He smiled at me. "You're my keepsake. Your children are. I don't need anything else. You. Them. The family we have. You're all I need."
He nodded, "Thank you."
"I'd do anything for you." I smiled, leaning closer to him.
"Me, too." He replied and kissed me passionately.
Laughing lightly, I wrapped my arms around his neck, playing with the hair at the nape of his neck. He kissed me again. "You're getting better at the kissing thing."
"We're also alone."
"Even in front of people. You're doing better."
"If only you didn't want to kiss me so much."
"I like kissing." I smirked, running my tongue along my upper teeth mischievously.
He grinned at me, "Then maybe you should be with someone who likes it as much as you."
I feigned a dramatic gasp, "Are you telling me that you don't like to kiss me?"
He put his lips against my ear, "Behind closed doors where I can do whatever I want to you."
Laughing, I threw my head back, loving him even more, "I think we should probably go where you're the most comfortable."
He laughed, "Only it's just me and you and I will not have my way with you in front of our daughter."
My heart skipped a beat as he referred to her as 'ours'. I knew that things were serious and that Carl called me 'mom' but Rick and I hadn't really talked about it. But it still made me happy and all I wanted to do was to take him upstairs and have my way with him. Before I could say anything else, Carol came in with a serious expression. I was so sick of serious expressions. They always led to trouble.
"What is it?" I asked her. "Please tell me that there isn't a problem."
She gave me a sad look, "We have a problem."
"What is it?" Rick asked.
She sighed, "Pete's hitting Jessie. Maybe Sam, too."
I deflated, my shoulders dropping, "Damn it."
"You know this how?" Rick frowned. "Sam tell you?"
"He didn't have to." She replied.
I nodded at him, "You would be able to tell."
She looked at me sadly. I gave Rick a knowing expression.
"Rick." Carol told him. "I know how this is gonna go with Pete. There's only one way it can go. You're gonna have to kill him."
Rick just looked at her. I did the same, opening my mouth to retort but the door burst open and Rosita was there with blood on her hands.
"What happened?" I frowned.
"You need to come. Now."