Beautiful Disaster

by My Writing Is This

The dead were walking and surviving was imperative. Caroline had hit the ground running. She tried to never look back. She was alone for too long. Learning to live and love again wasn't easy. People still mattered. Many would come in and out of her life and not all was as it seemed. She had to learn to be a person again and to find her place. And the one she was meant to be with.

46. Truth and Punishment

Chapter Forty-six: Truth and Punishment

Sleep was something everyone needed and yet it seemed like too much of a risk. Even within these walls there was tension and the possibility of tragedy striking. People fighting against people who were supposed to be considered family. Though nothing mattered more than our immediate family. The 12 of us mattered more than anyone else and that was a rift that was going to take time to close. We had had little time to engrain ourselves in this community and shit was already hitting the fan. I couldn't blame Rick though. Not for all of it. He was doing what he thought was right. He was right. But unless everyone thought that, nothing about it was going to be easy.

My sleep was plagued with nightmares. None were strong enough to startle me awake but they were sucking the rest that sleep was supposed to bring. When I started to wake, it wasn't because of the nightmares, it was because of the soft touch of Rick's fingers moving up and down my back. His fingers gently running through my hair. Michonne and him were talking. Talking about the train car. Talking about Deanna.

"Deanna wanted you in here, calm things down." She was telling him. "Linny and Rosita patched you up with Glenn and Abraham. Carl came by for a while. I sent him home." She paused, her tone growing a little dark. "Rick. What are you doing? We put Pete in another house. You could have told me what was happening."

"It moved fast. And then Noah. I couldn't tell you about the gun." Rick told her.

"No, you couldn't." She replied. "Did Linny know?"

"Yeah." He said, feeling his fingers once again against my back. "She knew. She wanted this place. You wanted this place."

"We had to stop being out there." She replied. "Linny understood that."

"Well, we're here."

"Well, you just said you weren't." She stated. "And for the record, whatever shit you do, you bring Linny into it as well." Her tone was angry now. "I love that girl and you pull her through the mud every time you get into trouble. She was guarding you like a feral dog. She would do anything for you, Rick."

"I know." He said with a soft tone.

"Then you should know better than to make her fight against everyone because of your actions." She shot back at him.

"I think she loves me." He replied and I could hear the smirk in his voice.

"She's exhausted, Rick." She told him matter-of-factly. "She tries so hard to take care of everyone else and never complains or asks for help. She doesn't let anyone take care of her because she feels like she needs to be the beacon of hope and light for everyone else. Do you know how exhausting that is?"

"I take care of her." Rick stated.

She laughed lightly, "She's at your side and I believe that you love her, but sometimes it seems like a pretty long one-way street."

"That's not true." He shot at her. "I take care of her. She knows how I feel. She knows that I'd do anything for her."

"I do." I said and rolled over, sitting up and leaned against the wall.

"Hey." Michonne smiled at me.

I smiled back, "Don't blame him for what happens to me, Michonne. I can handle it."

"I know." She smiled.

Rick took my hand, whispering, "Hey, baby."

I looked at him, "Hey."

He leaned toward me, kissing me sweetly, "Are you okay?"

"Yeah." I replied.

He frowned, touching my lip, "What happened?"

"It doesn't matter right now." I replied.

"Pete happened." Michonne stated.

I shot her a look, "Don't."

"He needs to know, Linny." She replied softly. "Pete may have deserved what he got but not the way it went down."

Before we could say anything else, the door opened and Glenn, Carol, and Abe came in. Michonne acknowledged them and I smiled as they stepped up to the foot of the mattress. The men smiled back, Carol as well, but there was something about her expression that made me anxious.

"Where'd you get the gun?" Michonne asked Rick.

"You took it, right? From the armory? That was stupid. Why did you do it?" Carol replied for him.

Rick scoffed and looked away, his expression telling. At least it was to me. "Just in case."

"Deanna's planning to have a meeting tonight. For anyone who wants to." Glenn stated.

"To kick Rick out?" Abraham frowned.

"To try." Carol added.

"We don't know that." Glenn told her. "Maggie's with Deanna right now. She's gonna find out what it is."

"Maggie can handle it." I nodded. "She knows what to do and what to say. She'll fix this."

"At the meeting, you say you were worried about someone being abused and no one was doing anything about it." Carol stated as if there was no room for discussion. "You say you took a gun just to be sure that Jessie was safe from a man who wound up attacking you."

"He attacked Linny first." Rick stated.

Carol looked at me, making me self-conscious as she took in my face. "He what?"

"I'm fine. I can defend myself." I stated. "Jessie can't. She's the one we need to be thinking about."

She nodded, continuing to tell Rick what to say, "You say you'll do whatever you want them to. Just tell them a story that they want to hear. It's what I've been doing since I got here."

Michonne frowned at her, "Why?"

"Because these people are children and children like stories." She replied.

"She has a point." I said looking at Michonne.

"What happens after all the nice words and they still try to kick him out?" Abraham asked.

"They're guarding the armory now." Glenn stated.

"We still have knives. That's all we'll need against them." Carol stated.

I nodded and looked at Rick. He brought his hand to my face, giving me a small smile. "Well, tonight at the meeting…if it looks like it's going bad, I whistle." He said looking at the others. "Carol grabs Deanna, I take Spencer, you grab Reg," He said looking at Michonne. "Glenn and Abraham cover us, watch the crowd."

"What about me?" I frowned.

"You stay with Maggie." He replied.

"We can talk to them." Michonne told him.

"Yeah, we will." He nodded. "If we can't get through, we take the three of them and say we'll slit their throats."

"Like at Terminus?" Glenn said sadly.

"No, we just tell 'em. They give us the armory and it's over."

"Did you want this?"

"No. I hit my limit. I – I screwed up. And here we are." Rick stated. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm just gonna sleep some more."

He scooted over and laid down, rolling onto his side, gently pulling on me. I nodded to the others before lying down next to him, keeping his eyes. We listened for everyone to leave. He lifted his head to make sure they were gone before he let out a heavy sigh.

"She was wrong." He told me.

"Who and about what?" I smiled at him, putting my hand against his face.

"It's not a one-way street. I love you. I'd do anything for you."

"I know." I said and kissed him. "Rick, I know what we have. I am in love with what we have. I trust you completely and I'd do anything for you. Even protect you after you've lost your mind in front of an entire community." I laughed lightly, getting a smile from him. "I'm with you, Rick. Always."

"Me, too."

"Pete thinks you have a thing for Jessie."

He scoffed. "I care what happens to her. She's a good person and a good mom. She deserves better. But you're the only one I have a thing for."

Laughing again, I kissed him deeply, "I love you."

"I love you." He replied. "Now get some more sleep. Tonight could be long and we need to be ready for anything."

"Always am." I smiled. "Can we just make out for a little while first? I feel like I haven't kissed you in ages."

He smiled and started to kiss me, wrapping his arm around me as he pulled me tight against his chest. We kissed until our lips were raw, then we talked for a while before we finally fell asleep again. This time it was more peaceful and when we were woken up I actually felt like I had gotten some solid sleep.

"Time to wake up, sunshine." Carol said softly.

"Five more minutes." I smirked before opening my eyes.

She smiled and pressed a kiss against my cheek, "You okay?"

"Yeah." I said gripping Rick's hand, hugging it against my chest. "I'm okay right here in this amazing man's arms."

She grinned before smacking him, "Wake up." He groaned and sat up, doing the same, we leaned back against the wall. He looked at her with annoyance. "It's good what happened last night. We have more cover now. All of them think you've been found out, that it's over."

"What's over?" I frowned as she handed him a gun.

He took it, "Why didn't you want to tell them we have more guns?"

"More guns?" I frowned harder. "Explanation please?"

"Michonne stopped you. She knocked you out."

"Well, I deserved it."

"Well, it was stupid."

"She's with us. Glenn is."

"I didn't tell them about the guns just in case."

"I don't want to lie anymore."

"Good." I interjected. "Start with me. What the hell have you two been up to?"

"Daryl, too." Carol stated.

"Daryl?" I frowned. "Rick?" I said and looked at him.

"We took guns as a backup for if or when we need to take this place over. We wanted to be ready."

"Rick." I said exasperatingly.

"You said you don't want to take this place." Carol stated. "And you don't want to lie? Oh, sunshine, you don't get both."

Scoffing, I shook my head but couldn't suppress a smile. "Is Daryl back yet?"

"No." Carol stated. "He and Aaron are still out there." Sighing, I ran my fingers through my hair. "Okay, lovebirds, you two should go get cleaned up. We need to play our parts well tonight."

"If they try and kick him out, you know all hell will break loose." I told her.

She smiled at me, "Only because you're going to make it break loose."

"I can't help that I'm overprotective and stubborn and headstrong and a little crazy." I replied, grinning at her.

Rick leaned over and pressed a kiss against my shoulder. "I don't mind."

"Good. Because you're stuck with me now. For life." I beamed and kissed him passionately.

"Good." He said and kissed me again.

"Well, that's my queue to leave. Have a little fun and then head home."

"Everyone else gone?" I asked still looking at Rick.

"No. Everyone is home."

"Just means we need to have quiet shower sex." I said and laughed, kissing Rick again.

"Bye, Carol." Rick said without looking at her. She laughed and left, leaving us alone. "We should probably have our fun here."

Darting up, I went and locked the door before rushing back to him. "You're about to make me the happiest girl in the world."

He just laughed and pulled me down, rolling me underneath him. Ravaging me, I wasn't quiet as we made love, loving him more and more. He may not be the most open person about our relationship but he made me feel amazing. He was my favorite person and all I wanted to do was to be with him.

Hand in hand, we left the basement, walking swiftly, seeing three men out on the sidewalk.

"Hey, Tobin."

"Hey, Rick." He replied. "Linny."

I offered a small smile, raising my hand in a small wave. Gripping Rick's hand tighter, I sighed, smiling up at him. He nodded, pressing a quick kiss to my forehead. Making it home, he opened the door, letting me through first.

"Mom." Carl said rushing toward us. "Dad."

"Hey, sweetie." I said hugging him tightly.

"Hey." Rick said hugging him next.

"You okay?" Carl asked us.

I nodded at him, smiling. Rick nodded as well, "Yeah. Look, I'm sorry."

"I heard about the meeting."

"You're staying home."

"You need to keep an eye on your sister." I added.

"That's what it is now, right?" He asked looking at his father. "Home?"

Rick nodded, "Yeah."

"They need us. They'll die without us." Carl stated.

"We know, sweetie." I smiled, gently playing with his hair. "We're not going anywhere."

Rick looked at me before his son, "I might have to threaten one of them. I could have to kill one of them."

"You won't."

"I might."

"You have to tell them."

"I told them last night."

"You have to tell them so they can hear you."

"I don't know if they can." Rick told him, trying to explain it to him. "Does that make you afraid?"

"Just for them. You have to tell them."

"We'll tell them." I stated. "We'll tell them as many times as we have to. But there are things happening that we can't ignore. The meeting tonight can go a few different ways and depending on which way it does…we're going to need to react accordingly.

"I get it. I just…"

"I know, sweetie. But we're gonna figure it out. Your dad is right. This is home."

"Okay." He nodded.

"We're gonna clean up." I smiled at him. He nodded. Looking at Rick, we headed upstairs and to our room. "We need to fix this, Rick."

"I know. We're going to." He said as we both started to undress.

"Abe and Glenn had good questions."

"And we didn't lie."

"Only about the guns." I told him with an edge to my voice.

"I didn't want to keep anything from you." He replied.

"But you did." I frowned.

"I'm sure there's something you're keeping from me."

I shot him a look, "Like what? What could I possibly be keeping from you?"

"Anything regarding Ben that you may not have told me?" He asked.

"What? No." I frowned. "I've told you everything about Ben and what I think and feel. About what he's told me and what he thinks and feels? I've told you everything. I don't hide things from you."

"Nothing?"

I just looked at him for a long moment, knowing that there was only one part of my life that I hadn't told him. Something that I was never going to tell him. The one thing that I would never feel guilty about never telling a soul about.

"Nothing, baby." I finally told him. "I don't hide things from you. If you want to know something all you have to do is ask."

He nodded, "Okay."

"Why do you not sound convinced?" I frowned as I followed him to the shower, stepping into it with him.

"I believe you, Linny. It just makes me feel guilty for keeping something from you."

"You're only kind of allowed to every once in a while." I smiled at him. "We all have our secrets, Rick. And I know that if you keep something from me than it's with good reason. I trust you."

"I trust you, too."

"I know." I said and wrapped my arms around him, pressing myself flush against his chest. "I also know that you love me. You are my favorite person."

He smiled, "Maybe I could go for a quiet round two."

Laughing, we cleaned up, making love to each other before getting dressed again. Going back downstairs, we sat with Carl and Judith for a while, knowing that we didn't have a whole lot of time between now and the meeting.

"I want to go check on Jessie." Rick told me as we stepped onto the porch. "Make sure she's doing okay."

I nodded, "Okay. I'll see you at the meeting."

He nodded, "I promise."

Smiling, I took his head in my hands and kissed him deeply. "I'm going to check on Tara before I find Maggie. I want to know what she knows so we can try and prepare for what might happen."

"It's gonna work out."

"I know. But I still want to be as prepared as possible."

"Okay." He said and kissed me, pulling me against his chest. "I love you. Be careful."

"You, too." I smiled. "I love you."

Walking together, he stopped at the Anderson house, seeing Jessie taping her window. I waved and kept moving, letting myself into the infirmary. Pete wasn't there and I hoped that he wouldn't come anytime soon. As long as Tara was remaining stable, there would be no need for him to come here. Not unless something big happened that I couldn't handle. He was going to be very bored pretty soon.

"Hey." I said to Rosita as I walked up to Tara. "Any change?"

"None." Rosita said sadly. "That's okay, right?"

I nodded, "I think so."

"Pete hasn't said anything, so…"

"So, we have no need to worry. Not yet." I replied. "Are you going to the meeting?"

"No." She replied. "I figure the rest of you will keep me in the loop. I don't want her to be alone."

"Agreed."

"Oh." Eugene said coming in. "I just wanted to sit with her."

"Of course." I smiled, moving away from the chair.

"Caroline, may I ask you a personal question?" He asked.

I turned to him warily, "Okay?"

"You have a distaste for me and I can understand and appreciate that. But what exactly have I done to you?" He asked. "Is there anything I can do to make you dislike me just a little bit less?"

"Probably not." I told him. "I think you're an arrogant bastard who only thinks of himself and his own preservation. You lied so others would protect you. You might be smart and I can appreciate that and want you around to help our people like you did with the electricity. However, my personal feelings for you are only skin deep. But I will protect you just as much as I would anyone else in our group. Family doesn't always like each other. Doesn't make them any less family."

He gave me a curt nod, "I can accept that."

"Good." I said doing the same. "Because there's nothing you can do about it." I looked at Rosita, "Do you need anything from me?"

"No." She smiled. "Just fill me in on everything that happens."

"Done." I said and let myself out, nearly running into Abraham. "Hey, good lookin'."

"Mm, mm, mm-mm." He grinned, looking me up and down. "Sleep looks good on you."

Laughing, I felt my cheeks flush, "Yeah, yeah."

"How are you?" He asked.

"Better." I nodded. "Anxious about tonight."

"It'll be fine. If not, we have a plan."

"One that could go bad at any moment." I said wrapping my arms around myself.

"Rick won't let that happen." He told me. "And neither will I. Or Glenn. Or even you. Though I do wish you'd distance yourself just a little, Caroline. Let the men handle this."

"Since when did you become a bigot?" I frowned at him.

He smirked, "Not what I meant."

I smiled, "I know. But you need to understand that I am not the type of girl that stands on the sidelines. If something is going down, I am going to be in the thick of it."

He sighed and smiled down at me, "I'd expect nothing less from you."

"Good. Otherwise you'd be disappointed." I replied. He laughed and nodded at me. "Get those flowers in to Tara." I said slowly walking away from him. "And kiss that beautiful girlfriend of yours."

"Will do." He smiled and turned to the door.

"Hey." I said stopping him. He turned and looked at me. "Just so you know, I'm still with you in the anti-Eugene club."

He sighed, "I think I might have to put an end to that club."

"Really?" I frowned at him. "Fine. I guess it'll be a club of one again." Turning, I started to walk again.

"Hey." He called after me. I turned to him. "We should try and make it a club of none."

"I've never been a fan." I smirked, shrugging at him as I walked backward.

He nodded, "Try."

"I'll consider it." I told him turning around again.

"Your stubbornness is going to get you into trouble." He called louder.

I grinned at him over my shoulder, "Already has."

Moving toward the Monroe's, looking for Maggie, I knocked on the door. Reg answered it with a big smile on his face. I hadn't talked to him much and the last conversation I had with him was in anger after Ben had arrived.

"Hi, Reg." I smiled at him.

"Linny." He said and surprised me by pulling me into a hug. I couldn't complain since I was a hugger. I was regularly told that I was too touchy for the normal person. Not that I cared. I'd known that for pretty much my entire life. "What brings you here?"

"I was looking for Maggie." I replied as I let him go.

"I think she's with Deanna." He stated.

"Can I see her?" I asked.

He nodded, "First, can I steal a few minutes of your time?"

"Of course." I smiled.

He led me into the kitchen, opening the fridge and handed me a bottle of beer. I accepted it, thanking him as I opened it and took a drink. It tasted amazing. I loved beer. Beer was amazing and to have access to it again made life seem surreally normal.

"What can I do for you?" I asked him.

"I just wanted to apologize again for upsetting you after Ben arrived." He replied. "I really put my foot in my mouth and I didn't mean to make your situation worse."

I smiled at him, "Don't worry about it. It's already forgotten and it all worked out okay."

"How are you after last night?" He asked.

"Could be better, could be worse." I replied, not quite as enthusiastically. "What do you think about the whole thing?"

"I think it's going to be fine." He stated. "Rick isn't going anywhere. We can't build a civilization if we kick people out after every disagreement."

"I agree." I nodded. "I appreciate you saying it though."

"You're welcome." He smiled.

"What about Deanna?"

"She'll see." He told me. "I'm going to tell her what I told you and we'll come to an understanding."

Smiling, I went around the island, hugging him tightly, "Thank you."

"Caroline." Deanna said coming into the kitchen.

"Linny." Maggie smiled.

I rushed to Maggie, throwing my arms around her, "Maggie."

She laughed lightly, "Are you okay?"

"I've been looking for you." I told her.

"Everything okay?" She asked, sounding a little worried.

"Yeah." I said letting her go. "I just wanted to talk to you."

"About tonight?" Deanna nodded.

"Just looking to see what to expect."

She put her hand against my back and started to move me toward the door. "We'll see you at the meeting."

"Deanna." I frowned at her.

"It doesn't matter what I say. You're going to be on Rick's side no matter what."

"Yeah, but –"

"You told me that yourself. Whatever befalls him gets you, too. I remember and I understand."

"Yeah, but –" I tried again.

"Caroline." She said kindly. "I can appreciate where you stand on this. I really can. If Reg was Rick and I was you, I'd be doing exactly what you are."

Sighing, I nodded, "I can also appreciate where you stand. As well as respect it. As leader of the community, you can't afford to be willy-nilly on anything. You need to investigate it and bring it to the people in a clear and decisive manner to avoid pushback and any further conflict."

She surprised me by laughing, "Maybe I picked the wrong person to work underneath me."

"No, you didn't." I told her. "Doesn't mean I'm new to the game." She nodded, the smile on her face telling me that I wasn't going to get anywhere with her. "I'll see you at the meeting."

"They'll listen to you, Caroline." She told me, making me turn to her. "You know how to talk to people. You might be a little abrasive at times, but…you know what you're doing."

"I'm also a little impulsive and support the people I care about regardless of what anyone else thinks." I smiled. "Characteristics that make me a poor leader." She just shrugged at me. Smiling wider, I shook my head. "I'll see you soon."

"Caroline." Reg said following me. "Mind if I take a walk with you while these two talk?"

I looked at Maggie who smiled and nodded. I smiled at him, "Sure."

He smiled and kissed his wife's cheek before following me down the stairs. He took a deep breath of the fresh air. "It's a nice day."

"It is."

"Can I ask you something?" He asked me.

"Of course."

"What do you think about us and this place and what happened last night?"

"Don't start heavy or anything." I smirked at him.

He laughed lightly, "I don't mean to pry or make you uncomfortable."

"You're not, Reg." I smiled. "I'm okay with your questions." He looked relieved. "I love this place." I told him. "I love the sound of it. The smell. I love the homes and how normal it feels." I paused and looked up at him. "I love you and your family. I question some of the people around here but as a whole, I feel safe and at home. As for what happened…" I said and trailed off, taking a deep breath, letting it out slowly. "He was right to do what he did. Pete needs to be dealt with. Not just separated but action needs to be taken against him before he kills somebody."

"I hear he attacked you as well." He frowned at me.

I nodded, "He did. But I'm a fighter. I am more than capable at taking care of myself."

He smiled, "I have no doubt."

"And you? What do you think? Other than not kicking Rick out that is."

He nodded, "I agree with you. Pete's a bad egg."

"He's a rotten tomato."

"He's bad cheese."

"He's the gross chicken package that's been in the garbage too long." I smirked up at him.

He burst with laughter and nodded at me, wrapping his arm around my shoulders. It felt like it had with Hershel. He was like a father figure and I couldn't help but adore him. I'd always been a daddy's girl and now that mine was gone, I couldn't help but be drawn to that feeling. The feeling of having a man to look up to. To rely on and learn from. I held my dad on a pedestal. Even if he was wrong, he was still forgiven a second later. I would have done anything for him. I felt the same about Hershel and now walking with Reg, I felt it again.

"Thank you." I smiled up at him, wrapping my arm around him.

"For what?" He asked.

"For being a good guy." I replied.

He sighed and pressed a kiss into my hair, "You're a good gal."

Laughing, I smiled up at him fondly, "I think I might like it a little more now."

"You remind me of my niece." He said with an air of sadness. "She died of leukemia when she was twenty-three. She was feisty and beautiful and loved to laugh. She was loyal to a fault and never lost her sense of humor. Not even at the end. I feel like you and her would have gotten along well."

"Sounds like we probably would." I replied. "Sounds like me." I added and laughed.

We walked circles around Alexandria, talking and keeping busy until the sun started to go down. When it was time to meet up for the meeting, Reg and I walked back, finding Maggie and Deanna already in the courtyard, a fire burning.

"Hey." I smiled at Maggie, moving to her side. Reg and Deanna fell into soft chatter, making me lower my voice as I spoke to Maggie. "How are you feeling about this?"

"I think we'll be okay." She nodded.

"If not," I paused and looked at the couple, "Rick has a plan."

"What plan?" She asked softly.

"A plan to keep him here."

"We won't need it." She smiled.

I smiled back at her, "I agree. If Reg has anything to say about it, we're going to be fine. But if this does go south, I just want you to know that there is a plan."

"Thank you." She replied.

"Of course." I said with furrowed brows. "Sisters don't keep secrets from each other." I added and smiled.

She smiled, "I kind of love you, you know."

"I do know. I kind of love you, too."

People started to file in and we stood there, watching them all. The seats that were available filled, and then people started to take up the space behind them. When Jessie came in, she looked uneasy, seeming to relax as I smiled at her, nodding. It was going to be a decent crowd. Though the more people that came in that weren't Rick, my anxiousness started to rise. Abraham came in with Eugene. Carol came in with Michonne. Michonne came and stood next to me, making sure her arm was touching mine. Maggie was looking for Glenn just as I was looking for Rick. Both of them not appearing, leaving a long span of time where no one came or went, even after the sun had set.

"We're going to start." Deanna told the group.

"Can we wait?" Maggie asked. "There's still people coming. Glenn, Rick."

"Rick is coming." I stated.

"We're going to start. It's already dark." Deanna stated. "We're going to talk about what happened. Not fight. Not what precipitated it. We're dealing with that. We're going to talk about one of our constables, Rick Grimes." She explained, pausing for affect. "We're going to talk about how he had a pistol he stole from the armory, about how he pointed it at people. And we're going to talk about what he said. I was hoping he'd be here."

"He will be." I told her.

"She said he's coming." Michonne added.

"I'm sure he'll be here." Carol smiled. "And I'm sure we can work this all out."

I loved and hated her angle of coming off as all sweet and innocent. If only these people knew what she was capable of.

"And after being out there and then not being how you were out there…it can drive you crazy." Michonne tried to explain. "Rick just wants his family to live. He wants all of you to live. Who he is, is who you're gonna be…if you're lucky."

Deanna had asked for testimony and that was what she was doing to get.

"Rick Grimes saved my life over and over. There's terrifying people out there. And he rescued me form them." Carol told the crowd. "People like me, people like us need people like him. I know what happened last night was scary. And I'm sure he's sorry for that. But maybe we should listen to what he was saying."

"Caroline?" Deanna said with her eyes on me.

Looking at the crowd, all eyes were on me. "Look, it's no secret that Rick and I are together. His children have become my children. It's also no secret that I defended Rick last night. I will defend him with my life as many times as he needs me to. He is flawed. We all are. Every last one of us isn't perfect. We can't hold every flaw against each other or we'd all be left in the cold." I paused, taking a deep breath. "Despite his flaws, he is an amazing man and an even more amazing father. Everything he does is to preserve life and to create a better life for his children and the rest of our family. Because that's what we are. We are family and when we got here we were ready to become family to everyone else here." I paused again. "Carol was right. What happened last night was scary. But Rick is the glue to our family and you would be lucky to have him. He's saved me, too. In more ways than one. So I am asking you all to just think about your family and what you want for them. If you want safety and security and consistency, than Rick is your man. But he needs to be here in order for that to happen."

"Simply put…there is a vast ocean of shit that you people don't know shit about." Abraham said right after me. "Rick knows every fine grain of said shit…and then some."

"Thank you." Deanna said looking at me and then Abraham. "Maggie?"

She nodded at her. "My father respected Rick Grimes. Rick is a father, too. He's a man with a good heart who feels the things he does, the things he has to do. And like Linny said, all of us who were together before this place, no matter when we found each other, we're family now. Rick started that. And you won't stop it. You can't. And you don't want to. This community, you people…that family…you want to be a part of it, too." She finished. I smiled at her, nodding. Then all eyes were on Deanna.

"Before we hear form anyone else, I – I would like to share something in the spirit of transparency." Deanna said with a knowing tone. I looked at Maggie and she frowned at me. "Father Gabriel came to see me the day before yesterday and he said our new arrivals can't be trusted, that they were dangerous, that they would put themselves before this community. And not one day later, Rick seemed to demonstrate all the things that Father Gabriel said. I had hoped Gabriel would be here tonight."

"I don't see him here, Deanna." Jessie stated. "So, you're just saying what someone said. Did you tape him?"

"He's not here." Maggie stated.

"Neither is Rick." Deanna retorted.

Maggie looked at me before Deanna, "Excuse me."

"Maggie." I said taking a step after her.

She turned to me, "Stay here. I'll be right back."

I nodded and I looked at Reg for a little reassurance. He just smiled and nodded at me. Taking a deep breath, I scanned the crowd, trying to get a feel about what everyone was thinking. So far, I just saw a lot of uneasy faces.

"I just want to keep my family safe, you know?" Tobin finally said breaking the silence. "And I don't even know what that means anymore, but if it means that we've got to get rid of –"

Before he could finish, Rick appeared with a walker over his shoulder, throwing it to the ground in front of everyone. He was covered in blood. Why was he always covered in blood? He locked eyes with mine and I smiled at him. He took in the shocked expressions of everyone else, letting the silence linger for a long moment.

"There wasn't a guard on the gate. It was open." Rick stated.

Deanna looked up at Spencer. "I asked Gabriel to close it." He told her.

"Go." She commanded and he quickly disappeared.

"I didn't bring it in. It got inside on its own. They always will – the dead and the living, because we're in here. And the ones out there…they'll hunt us. They'll find us. They'll try to use us. They'll try to kill us." He told the crowd. "But we'll kill them. We'll survive. I'll show you how. You know, I was thinking – I was thinking how many of you do I have to kill to save your lives? But I'm not gonna do that. You're gonna change. I'm not sorry for what I said last night. I'm sorry for not saying it sooner. You're not ready…but you have to be. Right now, you have to be. Luck runs out."

"He's right." I said, smiling as I kept my eyes on my boyfriend.

Everyone was whispering, talking about what he had said. Only then there were footsteps and Pete came into view. Now all eyes were on him and I couldn't help the dropping of my stomach, wondering what the hell he was here for.

"You're not one of us. You're not one of us!" He yelled.

He had Michonne's sword. He had been in our house. I moved toward him, suddenly terrified for my kids that were there when he had gone in. "Rick."

"Pete, you don't want to do this." Reg told him as he stepped forward.

"Get the hell away from me, Reg." Pete told him.

"Pete, just stop."

"Reg. Reg." Deanna said with concern.

"Get away. Get away!" Pete was yelling as Reg still attempted to stop him.

"Reg, be careful." I told him.

"Linny." Rick said putting his arm across me as I moved to his side.

"Pete, stop." Reg said calmly. "Pete –"

Pete yelled out and shoved him with both his hands, only in doing so the sword caught Reg's throat. It sliced it open, blood spurting as Reg fell backward. There were screams and Abraham lunged forward as I gripped Reg's arm, dropping as Deanna caught him in her arms, screaming.

"Reg!" I said covering the wound with my hand. "I need a scarf or something!" I yelled to the crowd.

"No, no! Oh, my God! No! Oh, my love. My love, my love." Deanna was crying.

I looked over my shoulder to see Abe with Pete on the ground. He was yelling, "This is him!"

"Stop!" Abraham yelled.

"This is him!" Pete yelled again.

I still had my hands against the wound, "Reg, stay with me, okay?"

Deanna was sobbing, "Oh, God! Oh! Oh, my love. My love, my love. No, my love, no, no. No, my love. No, my love, my love."

"Reg!" I yelled. He met my eyes, the blood continuing to flow. "No, please." I cried. "Please, Reg."

"It's him! This is him!" Pete kept yelling.

"No, my love, my love." Deanna sobbed.

It was too late, I sat on my heels, my hands and arms drenched in his blood. His blood was pooling underneath me as well. Staring at Reg, I couldn't help the scream that erupted from me, gripping his hand as I bent over.

"I'm so sorry." I told him.

Feeling a hand, I looked up into Deanna's face, feeling mine contort with grief. She nodded at me until she looked up at Rick. "Rick…do it."

Without hesitation, Rick shot Pete in the head. There was a sense of relief in knowing that he was dead. He deserved it. He deserved worse.

"Rick?" A voice said from the entryway.

My head shot up. It was Morgan. Looking at Rick, he was just looking at his friend. What the hell was he doing here? What were we going to do now? Looking down at Reg, I put my hand over Deanna's, both of us sobbing over her husband's body. Crying was all around us, everyone too shocked to move. Someone needed to say something. Someone needed to make the situation better.

Getting to my feet, I turned to the crowd, "I think we've talked enough for one night. We've seen enough. Everyone should head home and try and get some rest. We'll check on you all in the morning."

They all nodded and started to file out. They kept glancing at me and I could only imagine what I looked like with all the blood on my hands. Smiling at everyone, as soon as they were gone, I bowed my head as the tears started to flow again.

"Linny." Daryl said and then I was in his arms.

"Daryl." I said and hugged him tightly, starting to sob into his shoulder.

Then hands were on me and I turned to Maggie. She smiled and nodded at me, wrapping her arm around me as she moved me from the courtyard. Rick stopped us long enough to hug me and tell me he loved me. But he had other things he had to take care of. I felt like I should stay and help with Reg. Deanna shouldn't be alone tonight. At the same time, I was too shocked about the whole thing to think clearly. Why did everyone have to die? I'd never lost this many people in my entire life and now it felt like we had to expect it around every corner. I knew that the world was different but why was death such a big part of it? Why did the blood on my hands feel normal and yet just as devastating as ever?

This was never going to end.

This was always going to be how it went.

Streaks of happiness that ended in bloodshed.

I looked at Maggie, my grief feeling overwhelming, and I asked her, "Why?"