A/N: I finally had a long weekend off from work and got to sit down and just focus on the emotion I wanted for this chapter because I knew it was going to be a strong pivot in the relationship forming between these two. Just a really intense desperate need to be close to another and be understood. Hope you guys are doing well! As always, I did have a song that really helped me into the headspace on this one if you want to listen while reading it's Night by Zola Jesus & JG Thirlwell.
Chapter Six / Scream, Burn, Touch
With a quick jolt Hermione startled awake from her dream of endless falling. Even when her body sunk down to the floor again it felt waves of nausea as though she were still falling endlessly through a rabbit hole. Her head lolled back and worth, rocking along with the waves in hope that mimicking them may make it feel less disorientating. With a hard exhale knocking away the loose dirt around her she reoriented herself with her surroundings. Defaulting back with ease into her anxious routine she breathed in deep the damp smell of the dirt floors and listened to the sounds of the constant dripping water. Then she heard the shuffling behind the wall and remembered she had almost forgotten her new companion. Her bizarre compatriot in this nightmare that was so suddenly her only hope for seeing the sunshine again. An apt and almost ironic thing considering he would never be able to see the sun again. But even the all encompassing folds of nighttime for tens of lifetimes had to be better than this. Swallowing hard, she registered that her throat felt like sandpaper but she tried to swallow as much as she could of her own saliva to get it just slick enough to force out a few sentences. Thinking back on the brief encounter she'd had with him face to face she recalled that moonlight soaked his cell meaning that he could tell when day and night passed.
"Is it still night time?"
Her voice felt so close to a whisper but she knew that vampires had heightened enough hearing that her voice should be able to still be heard as clear as a bell. The shuffling behind the wall stopped and she waited with baited breath to hear his voice once more. Even though she'd just heard him before she fell into her disturbing dream it felt like so long since she truly talked to another being, one soul to another speaking in ways that only those chasing the same shadows could understand. She ached to hear another speak her name and call out to her like they wished to listen to her just the same.
"Yes, but it's been a full day already. You slept for a very long time, I was starting to get a bit worried. You made quite a ruckus waking up over there…are you okay?"
His voice was like opening the door to an old friend and being enveloped in a tight embrace. The tenor of his tone was deep and a little brusque, but she'd grown accustomed to that already. It seemed very much like he was often holding back from sounding too cordial. The mannerisms reminded her very much of an older gentleman and she wondered briefly what his age was. She realized she didn't know anything about him other than his predicament, not even his name. Mentally, she made a note to ask when the timing felt comfortable. As she shook off the last dregs of slumber still clinging to her she felt her throat soften enough to push further into conversation.
"I am…okay. I think that's a fair assessment to make. I've definitely been far worse before. I had a rather unpleasant dream that's still tickling at the back of my mind. It seemed so real that it was so jarring to wake up here again. There were moments so vivid that I truly thought I could reach out and touch things and actually grasp them. Have you ever had a dream like that before?"
He muttered something to himself but it was far too quiet for her to hear with her own ears. For a moment she worried that he may be growing tired of her already. All her life she'd grown so used to people begrudging her that she prattled on too long and foolishly but in these passing moments between them she'd let that pretense and fear melt away. The barrier of anonymity she felt with him offered her a shield from knowing those fears and it allowed her to continue on just a little longer not knowing if he knew her and not knowing him herself. A clean slate in a way to know someone without the shame of them seeing your face when you confess to your worst worries. Not having to look someone in the eyes when they hear the things that make you doubt yourself brought her a tiny peace to crawl within like a shell. She pondered briefly if she wasn't rushing too soon into trusting a total stranger and one at that with the ability to kill unlike any other person she'd ever known. Perhaps this was the curling of the monkey's paw that she fed into with her desires to be known desperately in this solitude of torment. When he finally replied she nearly jumped out of her skin in surprise, thinking surely he'd already withdrawn from their unspoken friendship.
"I myself have not experienced dreaming such as that, but I did once have a relative who had a rather impressive talent for a magic state of lucid dreaming. She was a bit mad but was touched with a proclivity for divination. I suppose that's why she was mad, I can't imagine not even being able to escape reality in sleep. Her fortunes were more often grim than not but they were almost always correct. Is divination something you've had a skill for before?"
He asked so earnestly that she laughed out loud so hard she nearly winded herself. It was a pity Trelawney could not have heard that question. Hermione was certain that the old bat would have laughed herself into fits hearing that. Before she could answer he quipped out a secondary comment in a light hearted jab.
"I take it that I have said a rather idiotic question. I myself am not one to put stock in the flights and fancy of divination but I did not want to offend in case you were serious about the art."
His voice was light and she could tell from his tone he was likely smiling in jest. She tried to picture him in her mind, to create an image to match what his smile might look like. All she could recall from that night at his cell door was the glow of his hair and the strong edges of his face in the haze of the tears in her eyes. She wondered what color his eyes were or if he had any features that made him truly a ghoul. Even if he was a creature of the night she just couldn't picture a man so kind to her as being monstrous. Though she may have been disoriented she could recall him recoiling with all his might to resist the blood that was pouring from her face quite nastily in front of him. The temptation alone may have driven others to violence but he did not hesitate to hold himself back. It was one thing to be kind through the life and limitations of a human, but another to fight through the nature of a beast to remain civil and with a heart still capable of compassion. While she may not fully understand the nature of the beast that he was, she felt something with him in these moments that touched a part of her deep inside that had never been roused before. It felt as though a tether held between them and she worried greatly that it may snap and leave her disconnected once more.
"I apologize, I didn't mean to react so loudly. It's just that I have never been known to be gifted with any knack for divination. It's the one thing that actually drives me batty academically. I even once used a loop in time magic to double down on classes and tried to force my way through it for the sake of a better final grade before final year exams. It was unsuccessful to say the least. I believe that's why this dream perplexes me so much. Beyond everything I've ever believed this dream came to me and led me to things I didn't even remember consciously. I relearned things about vampires though. I'm not sure just how much you know about yourself and your…gift. But there were some things that might be useful in our plan."
She could hear him drag slowly through the dirt closer to the wall between them and felt her heart thump faster as he drew near. She didn't know if he could hear her heart react and tried to force herself to breathe in deep and relax.
"There is not much that I do know, I only learned a few things through experience and a few things from overhearing during the experimentations. A lot of it I think was just torture for tortures sake, but it did provide a few things of worth. Admittedly, not much was in the way of things that I could do in my current condition with them keeping my rations at starving levels."
His cell was going to prove a problem and she'd yet to come up with a solid way to work around that, but that didn't mean they couldn't still try. If Dolohov made his visits and decided she needed time suspended in her chains it would prove a challenge, which was a great concern since she aimed to rile him up. If he did not choose that method though she could continue forward with the plan already forming in her mind.
"I have an idea that I think we could start with. I'm not certain if it's something you're up for though. Honestly, I have to admit I am also a bit hesitant but I might be our only real life line in making this work."
The silence between them surrounded her in ways she couldn't put to words. The weight of the unsaid agreement clutched her so tight that she almost forgot to was a risk that was calculated, but it was a risk still and it came with a price tag that could mean death if she was placing her faith in the wrong person. If he was hesitating already could he be prepared for what the plan entailed?
"I trust you to know what you're doing."
Breathing in hard she unfurled her hands which she hadn't even realized she was holding, she'd been clutching them together so tight that they had turned a spotted bright cherry red and milky white. Bracing herself she scooted herself close against the wall and steadied herself to detail the ideas that she had. The bricks were so close to her face that she could feel her own hot breath bouncing right back at her. Though no one could possibly physically hear them she still felt compelled to treat their conversation with the utmost privacy in case there were any unknown magics listening. Tracing her fingertips lightly along the texture of the ground up stones she closed her eyes and wondered if he could feel the closeness between them separated only by these bricks.
"Thank you. Really, I mean that, thank you. I know that it severely limits the scope of the powers that you have by not having enough blood. There is one thing that this cell layout affords us and it's that the floor is not bricks or stones. Since it is only dirt we can make a space under the bricks in the wall between us. It can't be too large or else we might get caught when…he…comes to visit. But I think we can make a gap just big enough for me to offer you my hand. You understand what I mean right?"
Her voice cracked near the end as she danced around openly stating that she was offering to give him her blood to drink. The thought of it was scary enough just conjuring up images in her mind but it was a chance she needed to take. Seeing him resist her when she was offered up on a silver platter gave her a hope that he was skilled enough to know to only take what he could without damage. Pulling her hand back from the wall she examined the faint blue veins resting just below her skin. They were so tiny and yet they held something so valuable to both her and someone else. The single built in power that her body relied on just to function and just to live. It all seemed so silly to her, that the thing that held the possible key to her freedom was inside of her but could just as quickly lead to her undoing.
"I understand. I also understand the great burden that comes along with you even having to make this offer. Not many would be willing to place in me the trust that you are offering if they were in your position. I'm not sure if I should applaud you for your bravery or admonish you for your foolishness. Either way, I do agree it would offer us an advantage. Are you certain that you understand what this means? The sensation of offering your blood to a vampire is very addicting. Not to mention this will leave you physically weakened against Dolohov."
She knew his words were true and she had considered them. Instead of letting herself fret further until she backed out of the plan she pushed herself backwards just a little bit. Turning herself towards the wall head on she shoved her hands into the packed dirt and started digging and let her actions speak the final word. After a minute she heard a second set of scratching and noted that he was digging parallel to her from his side as well. Keeping the hole on her side just slightly larger than her hand when clenched in a fist she dug fervently and felt the cool dirt nipping at the space underneath her lapsed in silence between them until they both reached an area near the middle between them. They'd both gotten so engrossed in the task that they'd missed the hole starting to hollow until their hands collided into one another in the now loosened space. He slowly and gently clasped her hand in his and stroked his thumb over the palm of her hand. Compared to the dirt his hands were frozen solid and the feeling shocked her immediately causing her to withdraw her own.
"I'm so sorry I didn't mean to be rude, your hands are just so cold."
Blushing, she realized she had flinched back from him so quickly without thinking of how he might feel about her reaction.
"There is no need for you to apologize, I hadn't even thought to warn you since I cannot feel how cold I am. I have to admit I was also surprised by how warm your hand was. It was almost like touching a kettle fresh off the stove. I couldn't help myself from wanting to feel the warmth radiating off of you."
Looking down at her hand once more she wondered how she'd never thought her own hands could feel like that. Such a basic core difference divided them but she wanted more than ever to touch him again. Reaching back down into the gap and wedging herself against the ground she offered him her hand this time on purpose. Once more he reached down as well and held her hand within his own again. This time she relaxed her shoulders and focused on the sensation of his fingers against her. With each tender movement of his fingers a chill ran up her spine causing all the hairs on her arms to stand pin straight with goosebumps.
"I'm sorry if I'm overstepping. This is just so different from anything I've ever experienced before. It's like lighting a candle before descending into a dark hallway and seeing the blinding light overcome your eyes and feeling the sudden heat of the flame near burn your cheeks for being too close. It's extraordinary. Please tell me if the cold is too painful for your hand."
Though she could feel her hand start to ache as the icy touch started to overwhelm her she couldn't bring herself to tell him in fear that he would stop. It had simply been so long since she had felt someone treat her so delicately and with such respect that she never wanted to let go of the moment.
"No, it's alright. I also am a bit enamored with how this feels. If I'm being honest it's been a while since I felt so safe being touched. I know that must sound absolutely unhinged considering what you are, but this is a very huge step for me in regaining some of the things I started to worry I would lose. The way that these monsters of men paw at me and treat me like a piece of meat on the butcher block…it's more than I care to describe. I started to hear this voice in the back of my mind that I would never get the feeling out of my head. To know that I can still let someone else be this close to me even just this little amount, it's a gift."
Her words were soft spoken and just above a whisper as tears started to fall from her eyes. Crammed down against the floor she felt the dirt start to turn muddy against the side of her face. Without words he placed his other hand around hers to cradle it between both of his. Then she felt the tickle of his hair against the back of her hand as he laid down fully himself to place his forehead against her hand.
"That you have known such horror is an absolute abomination. The cruelty of man at times can know no bounds and I have always abhorred such behavior. I cannot imagine the depths of the pain and loss that you have felt but I promise you that I will try my best to remove us both from this place."
With her eyes swollen and worn out from the rush of emotions she started to fall asleep again briefly, blinking with each pull of her body to rest. Fighting it never seemed to matter but the chance to sleep with the fleeting feeling of being safe was too much for her body to resist and she returned to her slumber once more. This time however she entered the darkness with his hand still firmly holding hers, his hair shifting as he placed his cheek against her hand like an adventurer lost in the snow seeking out the smallest of warmth from the sun to keep him alive.