pMirio was sitting at his desk in our dorm room when I walked in. He was probably doing homework, but I didn't care. I slid my backpack off my shoulders, kicked off my shoes, and crawled into bed under my weighted blanket shaking, from my anxiety. We were halfway through the semester, and I was sure I was failing all of my classes.
brbr
"What's wrong Tamaki?" Mirio's voice was soft as he slowly approached my bed like he was approaching a scared animal, which he kind of was.
brbr
"The-there's no way I can d-do this I'm fai-ailing all of my classes", I mumbled into my weighted blanket.
brbr
Mirio paused for a moment, looking confused before sitting down on the side of my bed, gently draping an arm around me. I welcomed his familiar touch and leaned into him. "Tamaki your grades are great! You leave all of your graded assignments on you desk and I've only seen As and maybe a few B's! There's no way your failing!"'
brbr
"No-no I can barely get m-my work done! I'm doing te-terrible I should just drop out I-I'm not smart enough t-to handle coll-lage!"
brbr
"That's totally not true! You're like the smartest person I know!" he exclaimed, but not loudly. He knows that I don't like loud noises. He pulled me close and then got up. Leaving me feeling alone. "What's you're school password?" he asked as he grabbed his laptop, opening it as he brought it over to me. I didn't know what he was doing, but I didn't care I just wanted cuddles or to be left alone. I told him my long and complex password. "Can you say that again?" he chuckled, with a sincere smile. I repeated it.
brbr
"Look at this," he brought the laptop up to my face, he had my grades up, "your lowest grade is a 86! That's higher than my highest grade!" maybe I calmed down a little knowing that all my grades were good, but everything still felt overwhelming. He got up to put down the computer and curled up around me. He knew that I needed cuddles. I didn't know how long he held me, it must have been awhile judging by the quality of sunlight coming in from the windows, but didn't move, except occasionally kissing my hair. He stayed that way until I calmed down. I know sitting still is not his strong suit but he always would when I needed it. I don't deserve him.
brbr
"Better?" he asked. I nodded, "are you good or do you want to write a poem about it?" I nodded again. He got up and grabbed my poetry journal from my bag and a pencil and brought them to me. I let my thought flow out onto the paper.
brbr
"
I am,br
Completely,br
And utterly br
Done.
brbr
brThe grades
brSay,
brThat I am
brPassing.
brbr
The grades
brSay,
brThat I am
brDoing well.
brbr
But
brMy mind
brDoes not.
brbr
There is,
brSo much
brThat is
brGoing on.
brbr
My
brAcademic mind,
brHas
brCeased,
brTo function.
brbr
All of these
brThoughts.
brCircling around,
brIn my head.
brAll of which
brCan not
brBe true.
brBut
brI
brFeel
brAs if,
brThey are.
brbr
I'm overwhelmed.
brI'm scared.
brOf
brAll the things,
brThat
brOnce again
brAre problems,
brSolely,
brIn my mind.
brbr
But
brIn my mind,
brThey are,
brVery real.
brThe Fear.
brThe dread.
brThe panic.
brbr
Are just
brToo much,
brEven
brWhen facts.
brDo not
brAlign,
brWhen
brThe facts say
brThat I can.
brbr
I just
brNeed.
brTo hold on,
brTo push past
brThe lies.
brOf the
brInsecurities
brThat are,
brHolding
brMe down.
brbr
And,
brLike always,
brNot meltdown.
brStay
brIn control
brFight
brThe demons
brEvery day."
brbr
I looked back at my boyfriend before completing the poem.
brbr
But
brI'm not alone
/p
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This chapter is based off of me, in a way. What Tamaki's going through happens to me at least once a semester and I never came remotely close to failing I have a GPA of 3.4 as of the point where I'm writing this. Note, I'm not going to update this when I get my final grades in a few
The poem was written by
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