EIGHT

When Kate knocked on Castle's apartment door on Friday night just before seven o'clock, it was opened several seconds later by his colorfully dressed mother Martha. "Oh, Darling, come on in." The elder woman pulled her into a hug without hesitation. Kate was surprised, though the hug was not entire unwelcome. Martha had always treated her with warmth and kindness despite the fact that they had spent hardly any time together and generally only interacted during large dinners or parties hosted by her son.

"How are you doing?"

"Oh, um, I'm okay, Martha. How are you?"

"Doing well, thank you." Martha gave her a friendly smile as she shut the apartment door behind them. "Richard told me about your pending divorce, and I just wanted to let you know that you can reach out to me anytime for advice or support because I've been there—several times, in fact."

Mirroring the elder woman's smile, Kate said, "Thanks; I appreciate that."

Thanks to two years of partnership with her son, Kate had heard quite a bit about the former Broadway star turned acting coach. Most notably on her colorful choices of clothing, her love for all things wine-related, and her three failed marriages, none of which were to Castle's biological father. Of course, Martha had been born long before the inception of love matches, so her divorces had mostly taken place during a time of some of the highest rates in American history. Not those divorces being more common made them easier in most cases; Kate imagined they were still a struggle, but there would have been no societal taboos against them. Then again, as she was presently experiencing, maybe those taboos weren't quite as bad as she expected them to be.

Since she had only been going through the divorce process for a little more than a week, Kate had not told many people about her situation. She had told Ryan and Esposito, mostly because of the fact that she had suspected Grant might show up at the precinct again (though to that point he had not) and she wanted them to be fully aware of why she didn't want him there. She had also told her closest friend, Lanie, who had been aware of just how dissatisfied she felt with her marriage for several years. Lanie actually congratulated her and said that anyone who dared say anything negative about her choice to end a love match marriage could be sent her way and she'd tell them off so Kate didn't have to. Though she still remained a little concerned about how some other people in her life would react, Castle pointed out to her that if someone was truly upset that she was trying to find happiness then perhaps that person wasn't someone who needed to be in her life. She definitely agreed with those sentiments but also felt they might be a little bit harder to actualize depending on who the other party was and how often she needed to interact with them.

After leaving her shoes by the door, Kate walked further into the apartment just in time to see Alexis coming out of the kitchen. Still slightly unsure of how to act around the young girl since she did not yet know about Castle and Kate's intentions towards one-another, Kate settled for a small wave and a "Hi Alexis, how are you?"

"Hi Miss Kate," she returned pleasantly. "I'm good—I get to spend the night with my gram!"

"Great!" Kate replied. While Castle had informed her it would just be the two of them for dinner that night, she wasn't sure if Alexis would be spending the night with Meredith or her grandmother. Then again, since Castle merely said Meredith was temporarily staying with some friends, it made more sense that the young girl would be spending time with Martha, who had an apartment to herself.

"Okay, Pumpkin—I made sure to pack—Oh. Hey. I didn't know you were here."

Kate turned to see Castle descending the stairs carrying a small duffle bag over his shoulder. Smiling, she said, "Hi—yes, I just walked in."

He nodded saying, "Just give me one second." Then he walked over to Alexis and passed over the bag saying, "You're all packed. Toothbrush, toothpaste, and floss are in the side pocket. Clothes are in the main section along with Mr. Bear. And please wear your sneakers so you're ready for tomorrow." Looking up to Kate he explained, "Alexis is going to a super fun kids' theatre event tomorrow morning."

"Wow cool!" Kate proclaimed. "Is your grandmother teaching the class?"

Alexis looked to her grandmother who answered, "No, no—a friend of mine is. I think Alexis is going to have a lot of fun, aren't you? Well, we'd better go, dear. It's getting close to your bedtime."

Castle hugged his daughter goodbye and then they both waved as the girl and her grandmother left the apartment. Then, the writer turned to Kate, leaned down, and pressed a kiss against her cheek. "How are you?"

"Oh…I've been better."

He twisted his lips to the side and said, "I'm sure. Wine?"

"Please."

He walked into the kitchen and poured them each a glass. Then he handed hers over and said, "So, tell me all about it."

Kate nodded and slid onto the closest stool at the eat-at counter. She then took a long drink of wine and prepared to tell the story of her first arbitration meeting with her husband on their impending divorce. "Well, you know, it was horrible as expected. Grant is now insisting that he won't even consider a divorce until we do couples' counseling for a year."

Castle blinked at her. "A year? A calendar year?"

"Yep."

After taking a sip of wine he said, "I just don't understand what difference he thinks that will make?"

"I've been thinking about our relationship a lot over the past week—obviously—and I actually started thinking about his parents. I don't think they have a super romantic marriage, at least not that I can tell from the last nine years of interacting with them. Neither of them are very touchy-feely people, which is fine, but the more I thought about it, I feel like they're more the 'marriage is an agreement we made and we must stick to it' type of people. They're bound by their duty to the commitment they made thirty-some years ago, whether or not that makes them happy or fulfilled in the present day."

"And you think Grant views marriage the same way?"

Kate gave a little shrug and casually spun her wineglass against the counter using her finger and thumb on the stem. "He hasn't outright said so, but yes. He's either committed to the marriage itself or committed to the marriage because it's a 'love match'—or some combination of both. Plus, I think he's scared out of his mind that this will hurt his chances of making senior partner."

Castle rolled his eyes. "Oh, what a shame."

"I'm not trying to hurt his career."

"Of course, you're not, but that doesn't mean you have to force yourself to be unhappy so he can further his career."

She nodded. "Yes, I know that."

"So…he wants a year of counseling. Did he make any other requests?"

"For me to move back in. And for us to go on weekly dates that are no shorter than two hours in duration," she said. When she heard Castle hum in response to this, she asked, "What?"

"Oh, nothing. I'm actually just a little impressed. When Meredith and I briefly attended couples counseling the two-hour weekly thing was something that was just suggested to us."

"Maybe he already spoke to a therapist, then." Kate sighed and raked her hands back through her hair. "I just…if anything, all these things are making me feel more annoyed. Like, he had to have known I wasn't happy, right? So why didn't he suggest counseling years ago? Why does he need a therapist to tell him to set aside at least two hours a week with me?"

The writer was silent for several moments before asking quietly, "Do you think it would have made a difference?"

She took a moment to consider his questions seriously and ultimately concluded that their situation might have improved, but they ultimately would have ended up int eh same place. "Not really. Maybe if he'd done these things the year before I met you, things would have improved briefly, but we still have fundamental issues that a weekly date isn't going to solve. Besides…you can't make someone share your interests. If he doesn't genuinely find joy in the things I find joy in…it would never work." What it boiled down to was that she and Grant were two individuals incompatible with each other. Maybe if her mother hadn't been murdered or her father hadn't died she would have recognized that before they got married, but she'd been too overwhelmed with grief to know who she was at that point. Now that she knew, there was no reason for her to keep pretending that she was fine living a dissatisfying life.

"So…what are you going to do?"

Kate drained her wine glass then leaned back in her seat with a huff. "My lawyer says that a few sessions of counselling might not be the worse idea. He said I could use the sessions to list all the reasons why I'm unhappy and prove how serious I am about ending things."

Castle nodded and then walked around the island so that he could stand just beside her. Leaning in, he rested his hand on the back of her chair. "I'm not trying to persuade you either, but I am worried about you. I don't want you to get more stressed or upset if this thing drags on and on—like for a year."

She let out a light laugh. "Oh, well, I definitely won't let it go on that long. I agree though I don't want to feel more stressed, and I definitely do not want to move back into our apartment. I just…it's just hard to know what the best thing to do is, you know?"

"In fact, I really, truly do." He smiled at her and she nodded, knowing he was fighting his own battles with Meredith that she was not remotely envious of. He lifted his hand to rub against the back of her shoulder. Feeling herself drawn to him, as they had not been alone together since they left their Jamacia hotel room ten days earlier, she slid off the chair and leaned her body into his. His arms wound around her shoulders and hers around her waist as they hugged tightly, gently swaying back and forth.

"Hello, hello! I just—oh. Well. You sure didn't let my side of the bed get too cold, now did you Ricky?"

Kate felt as though cold water had been splashed on her face when she turned her head to see Meredith standing in the apartment entry way. Castle's arms dropped from around her shoulders as he snapped, "Meredith! You cannot just barge in here like this!"

A sweet-as-sugar expression crossed her face as she said, "Whyever not? This is still my apartment, too."

Groaning, Castle took two steps towards her and said pleadingly, "Meredith, please don't make things get ugly."

The red head waved her hand dismissively at him. "Oh, relax, Kitten. I just have to grab something I forgot and then I'll be out of your hair so you can get back to your date."

When she sashayed towards her former bedroom, Castle turned around and gave Kate an apologetic look, but her brain was still stuck on something Meredith had said. "Kitten?" she repeated softly, having never heard that nickname before.

Castle's face blanched and he requested quietly, "Don't ask."

Two minutes later Meredith swept back into the room while stuffing something into the flamingo pink purse dangling from the crook of her elbow. "There we are; all set. I promise I'll call next time, Ricky! Oh, and Kate? Please forgive my husband if he's a little overzealous tonight. It's been quite a while for him." She flashed her husband a dramatic frown, but then immediately grinned as she waved goodbye. "Toodles!"

"Wow." Kate commented the moment the door shut behind her.

Castle let out a rather pitiful moan while covering his face with both hands.

Hopping back up onto the chair at the counter, Kate said, "I didn't think anything could make my day worse, but I also didn't think sex advice from your wife was on the table."

Castle lowered his hands to display a thoroughly embarrassed expression. "I am truly sorry. I'm going to make sure building security knows not to let her up without my permission. I…I was hoping it wouldn't come to that."

Kate patted his arm kindly. "I guess easy divorces aren't in the cards for either of us, huh?"

He twisted his lips to the side and shrugged. "Still worth it though, right?"

She smiled. "Absolutely." He nodded to her then walked into the kitchen where the open bottle of wine sat waiting for them. As he poured more into each of their glasses, she cleared her throat and said, "I guess now that the subject is out there, now would be an okay time for me to mention I don't know when I'm going to be ready for sex."

Castle looked rather startled and stammered out, "Oh, I, did you think—I mean, I never thought that tonight we'd-"

"No, no," she assured him. "I didn't think you had that in mind for tonight. I just wanted to say it for the record." While there was a small part of her that was dying to jump into bed with Castle, she knew the time was not yet right. Yes, she was attracted to him and, yes, it had been quite some time since she'd had satisfying sex, but their relationship wasn't a throwaway fling. They were both working towards something long-lasting and—dare she think it—likely permanent. They were both emotionally strained at the moment for very legitimate reasons, which meant they needed to be in much clearer headspaces before they'd be ready to embark on that level of intimacy again.

"Of course—completely understood. I'm also not ready for that yet, but, um, as long as we're talking about it: should we not kiss either?"

She considered for a moment and then decided, "I think just little kisses are okay. Like, pecks. No tongue."

He laughed. "Sounds good to me."

"Sounds good to me too."

Taking a deep breath, Castle looked briefly towards the door, then shook his head. Turning back to her, he smiled and said, "Now, shall I start the scallops?"

"Yes please. Anything I can do to help."

"No, you've had a stressful day, just sit there and relax."

Picking up her wine glass, leaned back in her seat and planned to do exactly that.

Strolling down the New York sidewalks on that sunny, warm afternoon, Castle had his daughter's hand clasped in his and he swung their joined hands back and forth as they moved around groups of tourists stopping to look at everything and locals trying to hurry through all their Saturday errands. After spending a lovely evening with Kate the night before, he'd had a lazy morning, and intended to do some errands of his own that afternoon, but then he'd received a call from Meredith that changed up all of his plans. Not that he ever minded spending time with his daughter, and she was certainly able to tag along with him for some of the things he needed to do, but he remained frustrated.

Despite the fact that they could hardly be in the same room without snipping at each other, before she moved out Meredith had agreed with him that Alexis needed to be their priority. As such, they would both make a larger effort than normal to do things with her, include her on shopping excursions, and, to put it bluntly, butter her up at every opportunity. Castle wanted to make sure that Alexis felt as loved and safe as she possibly could during this transitional time in their lives, and if that meant spoiling her for a month or two, that was more than a worthy trade-off in his mind.

The original plan for Alexis that day was to attend the theatre event from 9:30 to 12:30 and then Meredith was supposed to pick her up, take her to lunch, and then spend the afternoon with her before returning her to her grandmother's apartment around dinnertime. From there, Castle would pick her up and bring her back home. The reality of the situation was that Meredith did not show up at 12:30 to pick up Alexis. The theatre director had called Martha, who was Alexis's contact since she had signed the girl up for the event. Martha, however, had just sat down to lunch with friends, so she called her son, who had of course rushed to pick up Alexis as quickly as he could. As she was quite hungry by that point, they both grabbed sandwiches from the first deli they passed and then continued on their walk towards the southern end of Manhattan.

"So, what should be on the agenda for this afternoon, Pumpkin? Book store? Museum? The park?"

"Mom said we were going to get our nails done."

Her tone was a bit glum, which broke his heart. He gave her hand a little squeeze and sucked in a deep breath through his nostrils. If Meredith was already shirking her parental responsibilities on the second weekend of their separation, this was not a good sign of things to come. Though he had met with his lawyers already, Meredith had insisted she needed time to "process" everything and thus had not yet found legal representation. His lawyers suggested that in this interim period they do their best to come to custody arrangements on their own and not involve the legal process. Castle was perfectly fine with that so long as Meredith upheld her end of the bargain. He didn't care about what percentage of time Alexis spent with Meredith as long as he remained her primary caretaker; what concerned him was her making and continually breaking promises to Alexis. She had, of course, done that many times over their daughter's life, but somehow it was easier to smooth over when they at least had the illusion of being a whole family.

"I'll take you to get your nails done if that's what you want." He offered. Hell, he'd even get his own fingers painted if that made her smile for the afternoon.

She thought for a moment but then said, "No, that's okay. Maybe mom can take me next weekend."

"Sure." He let a beat go by before offering, "Do you want to get some ice cream?"

"Can I get a cupcake?"

"Absolutely!"

Castle led the way towards the subway line and they rode a few stops south to Union Square. He got them a vanilla cupcake with chocolate icing and a chocolate cupcake with peanut butter icing and then they sat outside at a small table so they could each have half of one of the cupcakes.

Alexis ate quietly, licking every remaining bit of icing off her plastic fork before asking, "Dad, are you happy?"

"I'm always happy with you," he replied.

She shook her head, "No, I mean…are you happy all the time?"

Castle wondered briefly where her question was coming from. He had been extra careful not to let his annoyance with Meredith show when he picked her up, but then again he supposed her curiosity could have been from a conversation she had the night before with her grandmother. His mother was quite happy that he had chosen to get divorced, as her opinion of Meredith had declined steadily over the years. Though she did not officially know about Meredith's extramarital affairs, Castle had a feeling she suspected them. Or, maybe she did actually know about them since she and Meredith did have some of the same social circles. Either way, his mother may have expressed something to Alexis about the divorce making him unhappy.

When it came to talking about Meredith to Alexis, Castle knew he needed to tread lightly. As furious as he was with her at times, he did not have any ill will towards her. They were just two people who were no longer compatible when it came to marriage. As far as he was concerned, she could go off and live her life however she wanted. Most importantly, he did not want to poison her at all in the eyes of their daughter. He didn't want to outright lie to Alexis, but she was still only nine-years-old and he felt as her father that he needed to shield her from as much as possible, for it would be all too soon that she encountered the harshness of reality.

"Well…being happy as an adult is complicated Alexis and being happy all the time isn't exactly realistic. Sometimes we have to do things we don't want to do and that can make us unhappy while we're doing them."

"You mean like…a divorce?"

He nodded. "Divorce is very complicated, and I hope you never have to experience it. It's…it's hard to explain that while it is something I'm choosing to do, it is also something that is temporarily making me a little bit unhappy."

"You're not happy with Mom anymore."

"No, I'm not. I'm sorry."

She reached out her tiny hand and placed it atop his. "It's okay. I don't want you to be sad."

Castle lifted up his hand, bringing hers along with it, and kissed her knuckles. "Thank you."

She smiled at him. "Gram said…Gram said you'll be much happier when it's over and I want you to be happy, Dad."

"I want to be happy too, sweetheart, but you don't have to worry about me. I'm doing just fine. I have you and I have Gram and I have my work."

"And Kate."

Castle wondered briefly what his mother might have said to Alexis about Kate. As he'd learned from his youth, lying to his mother was far worse than telling the truth outright, so when telling her about his decision to divorce Meredith, he mentioned that he and Kate had a heart-to-heart about their feelings for one another. He had not outright said they intended to be in a relationship, but it certainly had been implied. As far as Alexis was concerned, though, he did not want her to know that he and Kate would be in a relationship until they were officially in that relationship, which he knew was several months away at least. He thought it was best for her to get used to the idea of her parents separating before introducing Kate into the mix, even if Kate was someone she was already familiar with.

Wanting to make sure Alexis thought of Kate no differently than his other friends for the time being, he said, "Yes, I have my friends like Miss Kate and Mr. Kevin."

"That's good, Dad. Friends are good."

"Yes, they are. Now how about we throw our trash away and then go walk through the park?"

"Okay!" She agreed before hopping out of her chair and happily following him down the sidewalk.