A/N: This chapter is "M" rated
TEN
Standing in the precinct breakroom, Castle separated out empty takeout containers, which would go in the trash, and the metal utensils that could washed and returned to the community drawer. He had just finished eating dinner with Beckett, who had been assigned a week of late shifts. Normally, Castle would have been spending his evenings with his daughter—and loving every moment of it—but that night was one of Meredith's nights with her so instead of spending the night alone in his apartment, he opted to hang out with his lovely partner instead.
Several weeks had passed since the onset of his and his soon-to-be ex's 50/50 custody split and he was finally beginning to come to terms with it. He absolutely hated it, but he also acknowledged it was good for Alexis. She seemed to be putting on a brave front at first, but as they went through the process of buying her duplicates of certain necessities and making sure she had a special bag to take back and forth to their respective homes, she really began to come around. Now, he suspected she even saw a bit of fun in it, though he wasn't naïve enough to believe that would last. Ultimately, it would become a bit of a chore for all of them, particularly if her extracurricular activities picked up, but as long as she was happy with the arrangement, he would put aside his own feelings and continue to do what was best for her.
Though he struggled with the deafening silence her first few nights away from him, Castle tried to force himself to appreciate the break, and it was slowly working. He found he was able to get a bit more writing done in the early evening time, which prevented him from making the poor decision to stay up until one a.m. to finish a scene. He also found he had some time for pleasure reading, which he hadn't had much of for ages. Most importantly, he was able to spend some time with Kate. She had finally acquired an apartment of her own and he'd spent an evening helping her build bookshelves and nightstand. They'd also had dinner together a few times a week. Though they still had only a minimal amount of physical intimacy between them, it was nice to have that time with just the two of them.
Just as Castle finished cleaning up after their meal, his cell phone rang. He pulled it out of his pocket and was surprised to see Alexis's name displayed on the Caller ID. Though normally he would have found her far too young to have a cell phone of her own, when she began spending nights away from him he felt it was the most responsible thing to do so that she always had a way to get in contact with him no matter where she was. Even though he'd told her multiple times she was not allowed to use the phone to contact her friends (most of whom already had their own phones, much to his alarm), she still seemed quite excited about it.
"Hey Alexis," he answered cheerfully. "Having fun with Mommy?"
"Dad?"
Fear clawed into his chest and nearly took his breath away when he heard the strained terror in his daughter's tone. "What's wrong?"
"I'm scared."
"Why? What's happening? Where's Mommy? Is she ok?" He frantically fired off questions and paced a small circle in the breakroom, unsure of how else to get out the adrenaline that had just shot through him.
"She went to dinner?"
"She went to get dinner?" he asked for clarification, thinking that he was incredibly annoyed that Meredith had left Alexis behind when going to pick up food, but if he could stay on the phone with her until Meredith returned that wouldn't be so bad—though they would be having a conversation about it later on.
"No, she went to dinner. With a friend."
Castle nearly dropped his phone as he rasped out, "She what?"
"She said I'd be okay here, but people are yelling outside the door and I'm scared."
His heart rate spiking well up into the triple digits again, he asked, "Is the door locked?"
"Yeah."
"Okay. I'm coming for you. I'm coming right now baby. I'll be there as soon as I can!"
Castle was in such a rush to get out of the precinct, he didn't see where he was going and ended up plowing into Kate as he barreled towards the breakroom door. They both nearly fell over, and Castle apologized profusely as he grabbed her by the arms to help her stand upright once more.
"Castle? What the hell?" she grumbled at him.
"I'm sorry I'm sorry – I have to get to Alexis. Meredith—she left her alone in her new place while she went out to dinner. I don't know how long she's been there by herself but she's scared and she just called me."
"Oh god!" Kate gasped. She followed him out the door and on the way to the elevator. "Yes, go on—and call me if you need anything.
Castle frantically pushed the elevator call button and looked back at her, shaking his head. "Leaving a nine-year-old alone for hours…that's illegal right?"
"Actually, I don't think it is. New York state doesn't have any minimum age laws for that."
"Well, it should be illegal!" He shouted. Then, with a quick wave he raced into the waiting elevator car and continually smashed the close elevator door button until the doors did exactly that.
Once he reached street level and had cell phone reception again, Castle called Meredith's phone, but of course it went straight to voicemail. "God damn it, Meredith," he cursed as her overly cheerful answering message played. When he heard the tone that signaled he could leave a message he blasted out, "You left her alone!? She's NINE! Call me. Right now."
He then jogged up half a block to the street corner to hail a cab. Thankfully, one stopped relatively quickly, and he gave Meredith's new address, telling the cabbie he'd pay him double if he got them there in less than half an hour.
Castle could hardly sit still as the cab zoomed towards the Queensboro bridge. He had only been to the Astoria apartment building Meredith was subletting from an actress who was doing a traveling production one time before. He'd insisted upon seeing the place if Alexis was going to stay there, which Meredith seemed salty about, but ultimately agreed to. He knew that his ex was spoiled enough that she would not have been happy with a place that was too run down, but he also would not have been doing his due diligence as a parent if he hadn't insisted on checking. He'd also forced himself to memorize the address in case of an emergency just like that one.
What felt like hours later, but really was only about thirty-five minutes, they pulled up at the correct building and Castle threw the cabbie a decent-sized tip. He'd failed to think about how he would get inside the apartment building until he was standing in front of it, but thankfully someone was just exiting so he grabbed the door and rushed inside; thankfully he wasn't questioned.
He skidded to a stop in front of apartment 3D and rapped his knuckles against the door. "Alexis its dad. Can you hear me?"
It took nearly a full minute, but he heard a soft, "Yeah?"
"Can you unlock the door, Sweetie? I don't have a key."
"Okay hold on. I have to get a stool."
He tapped his foot aggressively against the ground, knowing he wouldn't be happy until he saw her face and could confirm she was alright. He could hear something scraping against the wooden floor and then, a moment later, the snick of a lock. He waited until the door began to slowly creak open before pushing his way inside, dropping to the floor, and gathering his daughter up in what was probably too tight of a hug. "Are you okay?" When he felt her nod, he followed it up with, "You're sure?"
"Yeah."
He pulled back to examine her face. It didn't seem as though she'd been crying, which made him happy, but she still looked stressed, so he brushed his lips against her forehead and then let her lead the way into the apartment where she was set up on the couch with a blanket, pillow, and paper plate with a few grease stains remaining on it. "She left me pizza and a movie and said I'd be fine. I'm sorry I called you," Alexis said, dropping her eyes to the floor.
Castle's heart clenched. He sat down on the couch and gripped onto both of her hands saying, "No, baby—don't ever be sorry for calling me. You can call me any time day or night, I don't mind at all. Okay?" When she nodded, he gave her nose a little tap and said he was going to try and call her mother again.
He walked into the small galley kitchen to make the call, but once again it went direct to voicemail. Poking his head out of the kitchen he asked, "Did your mom say when she'd be back?"
"No, she just said I'd probably be asleep."
Castle momentarily returned to the kitchen as he clenched his fists tightly together and breathed out a slow breath. He could only imagine what that meant. Would she be home by ten? Eleven? After midnight? Regardless, there was absolutely no way he was allowing his daughter to stay there alone and worrying for an undetermined amount of time—on a school night, no less!
Exiting the kitchen with a smile on his face he said, "Let's just pack up your stuff, okay. You can come home with me."
She blinked at him. "But tonight is Mommy's night."
"But Mommy isn't here and I'm not going to leave you here alone. Come on; let's get your school bag and your shoes."
As she gathered her things, Castle texted Meredith the brief message, I'm taking Alexis with me. We'll talk about this tomorrow.
"Are you mad at Mommy?" he heard Alexis ask softly.
Knowing it was not appropriate to respond with, you're damn right I am. He instead said, "I'm upset she left you alone."
"She said I'd be okay; that I was a big girl."
Not wanting his daughter to take on any of the blame for this situation, he crouched down and explained gently, "Alexis, you are a big girl, but you're still too young to be home alone. Maybe in a few years. Or maybe a little sooner if it's in our building with Eduardo and the Stephens down the hall but…not here. Not now, okay? I don't ever want you to have to feel uncomfortable."
She nodded and said, "Okay. let's go home."
Yes, home, Castle thought to himself as he led the way out of the apartment, hoping that this would be enough proof that Meredith was unfit to be her primary care giver and Alexis could return to stay with him permanently.
"I just cannot believe it isn't illegal!"
Several days later, Castle was still aghast as he and his lawyer, a man named Tillman, walked down the streets of Manhattan towards the offices of Meredith's council where they were having their next discussion meeting. For days he'd gone on about how absurd it seemed that New York had no rules for how old children had to be before they could be left home alone. Kate had even showed him documentation to try to convince him, but the notion simply wouldn't process inside his brain.
"As a parent myself: I completely understand. I don't think I'd have an apartment left if I left my ten-year-old son alone there. The best I can tell you is that your ex leaving your daughter alone like that does show poor judgement and a judge would take that into consideration."
"So that's what we're talking about here? Going to trial?" An appearance in court was the absolute last thing he wanted for several reasons, but it seemed more and more inevitable with each passing day. Not only was Meredith really digging her heels in when it came to the negotiations, but she refused to even have a conversation with him in the wake of her inexcusable (in his mind) act of leaving Alexis alone in a space she'd only been in a handful of times before. Meredith had insisted that all communication needed to go through her lawyer, which had increased Castle's frustration with their predicament tenfold.
"You and Mrs. Castle are still on different pages. According to her lawyer she still insists upon full custody. I think we could probably negotiate our way to 50/50 but-"
"No. Not after last week," he said firmly. Even if Meredith had been willing to have a conversation with him about the incident, he didn't believe she would not repeat it, particularly if she did not think there was anything wrong with leaving Alexis alone for a few hours. Worse yet, he'd heard horror stories from his friends about nightmarish fights with their exes. He knew that if their 50/50 custody settlement was legally established, then removing Alexis's from Meredith's custody when it was her assigned time could be considered kidnapping in the eyes of the law, and that was not a risk he was willing to take.
"Right. Well…she still wants some of your royalties. We could always use that to bargain with. Or, we go to trial, and I have to say Richard I really think we have a solid chance of the judge siding with us, especially if we call witnesses."
Castle sighed heavily and said, "I don't know. I really don't want to put Alexis through a trial if it can be avoided.
"Well let's see what this arbitration brings, okay?" his lawyer suggested positively.
After a few more minutes of walking, they arrived at the appropriate building and went inside. After checking in with security, they rode the elevator to the fortieth floor. A receptionist led them to the correct conference room where Meredith and her lawyer were already waiting. The lawyers shook hands, but Castle merely sat down and gave Meredith a passing glance. She wiggled her fingers in his direction as a cheerful greeting, as though they were just sitting down to lunch; it annoyed him thoroughly.
Castle's lawyer took out a tape recorder, placed it on the table in front of them, and then pressed record. Meredith's lawyer mirrored these actions. Then, Castle's lawyer began to speak.
"Let the record state that all parties have agreed to recording this meeting for later reference. Now, we can begin. To continue from last meeting, we will first be talking about custody of the minor, Alexis Castle. Both parties have temporarily agreed to a 50/50 split during the negotiating period. Mr. Parlor, would you like to speak on the matter?"
"Yes, my client-"
Meredith curled her well-manicured fingers around the lawyer's arm and interrupted with, "I'll go ahead, Jack, thank you. I really think having full custody of Alexis is in her best interest. All little girls need her mother. Whether we like it or not, Alexis is soon going to be blossoming into womanhood. She can't hardly ask a man what it's like to be menstruating."
Mr. Tillman cleared his throat and then said, "I'm sorry but after the incident from last week, we simply cannot agree to that."
"What…what incident is this?" Parlor asked, looking back towards his notes. He then looked with confusion between Castle and Tillman. The writer let out a grunt of annoyance; of course, Meredith hadn't kept her lawyer informed of what was going on.
"Last week, Meredith left Alexis alone in her apartment for several hours while she went out to dinner. Alexis called me because I was scared. I couldn't get Meredith on the phone, so I took Alexis home with me."
"It's not nearly as dramatic as he's making it sound." Meredith waved her hand dismissively. "It was a few hours. I gave the girl dinner and told her to go to bed. The doors were locked; she was fine."
"She was scared, Meredith," Castle snapped. "Doesn't that upset you?"
"If I recall correctly Alexis was terrified of that Boba creature in your bathroom; it made her cry."
"She was four!" he responded sharply.
Tillman cleared his throat loudly. "Let's get back to the subject at hand, shall we? Because of what we feel to be an incredibly poor choice on the part of Mrs. Castle, we simply cannot agree to the current proposed custody arrangements. If you look at the facts Mr. Castle has clearly been the primary parent. He's on record as the primary contact at Alexis's school and her pediatrician."
"I could be the contact." Meredith interjected in a miffed tone. "He just never gave me the chance! He's already trying to turn her against me! He's probably saying all these nasty things to her now that-"
"Let's not speculate," her lawyer said calmly. "What is it that you're proposing, Mr. Tillman?"
"We feel Mr. Castle should retain full custody of his daughter."
"Absolutely not!" Meredith shrieked. Her lawyer attempted to quiet her down, but she just went on about how unfair it was until Castle's voice boomed loud above hers.
"Enough! What is it that you want, Meredith? You're after something; let's hear it."
Meredith squared her shoulders and folded her hands in front of her. "Well, since you asked. I might be willing to agree to a 50-50 custody split if you were to offer up…fifty percent of the residuals for Derrick Storm. And if you really wanted to persuade me…fifty percent of Nikki Heat residuals, too."
"No," Castle replied simply.
She gave a little shrug. "You did write those books during our marriage."
"What about the pre-Storm books?" his lawyer suggested.
With a phony little frown, Meredith said, "Hm…no, I don't think so. Those won't hurt you as much."
Red flashed across Castle's vision such that he went momentarily blind. So that was it, wasn't it? She was punishing him because she had taken the victim stance, believing their divorce was only taking place because he was about to embark on happiness with Kate. He would have been lying to say that wasn't a factor at all, but it certainly was far from the main reason behind their divorce. Meredith and the multitude of men she had been with over the prior few years clearly were the primary catalyst.
"If I may? A moment with my client?" Tillman asked.
Meredith's lawyer nodded. "Go ahead"
Tillman led the way into the hall where they spoke in hushed tones. "You don't have to give in to this. We'll easily win in court."
"For full custody?" Castle asked.
Tillman gave a noncommittal head wobble. "Probably. If we have enough character witnesses. You work with the NYPD don't you?"
Castle grumbled. "My partner, Detective Beckett, can't testify."
"Why not?"
Sighing, Castle admitted, "Meredith would have a fit; she knows I'm in love with her. In fact: that's why she's doing this. Those Nikki Heat residuals she wants…I was saving them for Beckett. The books were inspired by her so…"
Tillman thought for a moment. "Well, you work with other detectives, right?"
Castle nodded, then ran his hand across the back of his neck. He was sure that Ryan would testify for him, but would that really be enough to convince a judge? And, even if Ryan's testimony was convincing, would the judge still want to hear from Alexis as well? He couldn't imagine putting her in such a situation. The mere thought of it broke her heart. "Do you know…would you have any idea to what extent Alexis would be involved? Could she be a witness?"
"She's a little young. Usually if they're under ten they don't get to choose either. But maybe? We could always make a request."
"No," he said firmly. That was something he'd never do: put Alexis in the position of having to choose one parent over the other. It was bad enough the decision would be forced upon her, but he couldn't—wouldn't—put that burden on her. That left him with but one choice: give up the thing he promised himself he never would.
"I …could I just have a moment to make a call?" he requested. The lawyer nodded and returned to the conference room without Castle. He pulled out his phone and pulled up his latest calls list. He tapped on the second most recent number then held the phone to his ear." It rang three times before her sweet voice was in his ear.
"Hey, I thought you were in arbitration?"
"I am. Meredith wants residuals from Nikki Heat."
"Okay?"
The confusion in her tone indicated she did not understand the significance, so he clarified, "I wanted them for you."
He heard her sharp intake of breath just before she said, "Castle I don't need your money."
"But…Nikki Heat is ours."
"But your daughter matters most, doesn't she? Castle the books…yes, they're meaningful to us, but not in a financial way. We'll always have the stories and the experiences that inspired them. She can't take those away from us."
"Yeah," he agreed, his voice rough. She was right, of course, but giving up the residuals still hurt him. It wasn't as though he wanted to shower Beckett in diamonds and designer clothes. He knew those weren't what she needed or wanted. But they could use the money for travel or vacations. Or he could start a scholarship fund in the memory of her parents. They could do good, whereas he knew Meredith would waste it all on leopard print handbags and a far-too-expensive California mansion.
"Do whatever you feel you need to do, Castle; I support whatever choice you make."
He took in a slow breath before nodding and agreeing, "Okay. I'll talk to you later."
After ending the call, he put his phone back into his pocket, set his shoulders, and strolled confidently into the conference room. The overly proud expression Meredith wore made him nauseous, but he remained undeterred. "Fifty percent of the Storm residuals, twenty-five percent of the Nikki Heat residuals for the first two books only."
She arched a manicured eyebrow at him. "Don't you have a five-book contract?"
"Yes, but the third will be published after we finalize our divorce," he said with a forced smile.
She hummed. "Well, I suppose I could do 50-50 custody for-"
"No," he interrupted sharply. "This is for full custody. I get full custody; you get visitation only."
Meredith leaned back in her seat. "Well for full custody I think I should get a little more than just two books worth of residuals."
Fighting the urge to roll his eyes he said, "Fine: twenty-five percent of three of the pre-Storm books, too."
"Which three?"
"The most profitable ones."
"Deal." Meredith held out her hand to shake, but Castle refused. Instead, he looked at his lawyer and asked, "Are we done?"
"Uh yeah—yes, yes I believe we are."
With that, Castle nodded and stood. He gazed down at the woman he had once believed that he loved and said simply, "Goodbye, Meredith." And then, he walked out of the conference room without ever looking back.
Kate Beckett arrived at Castle's apartment that night with an unsettled feeling in her gut. Though he had texted her to say that he and Meredith had come to an agreement and their divorce was moving forward with nothing else that needed to be negotiated, she was certain that wasn't the full story. On top of that, she still remained quite shocked at his intent to give her any money from the Nikki Heat books. She had never in her wildest dreams expected to hear that from his and, while she did find it quite touching, she also maintained it was one hundred percent unnecessary, and would once again assure him of that if the subject came up.
No matter how it ended up being settled financially, Kate did hope that Castle's divorce would soon be finalized. She could tell how much strain the Alexis custody situation was putting upon him and it broke her heart. The last thing she wanted was for him to be distraught over the safety of his daughter—particularly after the incident from the prior week when Meredith left her unattended. On a more selfish level, she wanted his divorce to be finalized so that they could officially become a couple and embark on a romantic relationship together. She was within a few weeks from being able to sign the papers that would officially dissolve her marriage and hoped that he would soon be in the same position.
"Hey." She greeted him simply when he opened the apartment door and immediately rose up on her toes to give him a strong hug. He slipped his arms around her waist, lifting her up off the ground a few inches, and then slowly lowered her back down.
After giving the top of her shoulder a kiss, he said, "Thanks; I needed that."
She brushed her lips against his cheek and asked, "So, it's over, huh?"
He quietly gave his head a shake and then led the way into the apartment, where his daughter sat at the kitchen table, pencil in hand and a workbook open in front of her. It was then Kate realized the need for temporary secrecy; little ears were still listening.
"Hi Alexis."
"Hi Kate. Are you here for a date?"
"Um…what?" Kate replied, looking over to Castle for assistance in answering the question she didn't know how to respond to since she wasn't sure what the little girl knew about the current status of her parent's relationship.
"Mom said a date is when a man and a woman hang out and kiss. She said because of the divorce she's going to date and Dad is going to date you."
Kate again looked over to her partner, who looked like he was about to have some sort of aneurysm. Trying to be helpful, she chimed in with, "Well, you know, dating doesn't always involve kissing. Sometimes a date can just be two people enjoying time together—watching a movie or eating dinner."
Alexis considered this for a moment. "But what if I go to the movies with my friend Paige? Is that a date?"
"Nope; you can go to the movies with just your friends and then I guess you'd just say you're hanging out."
"That sounds confusing," Alexis concluded.
Kate chuckled. "Yeah, I guess it can be."
"Alexis, honey." Castle, obviously now recovered from his momentary lapse, crouched down beside the chair his daughter sat at. "You know that your mom and I are still working through our divorce and Kate is still working through her divorce with her husband, so right now we're just really good friends. But when we are ready to date, we will let you know."
Alexis glanced up at Kate and then back to her father and shrugged. "Okay."
Castle stood, turned to Kate and mouthed, "Sorry," but she brushed off the apology with a casual hand wave. Then, she followed him into the kitchen to help with dinner preparations.
Thankfully, their meal, and the remainder of their evening was uneventful. Castle sent his daughter to get ready for bed just before eight and after he'd said goodnight, he joined Kate on the loveseat in his office with a glass of red wine for each of them.
"Sorry I didn't have a chance to warn you that Alexis would be here…it was all very last minute."
Kate gave his knee a pat and promised, "There's no need to apologize. I understand that things change last minute. Besides, she's your daughter; I expect her to be her some of the times I'm here."
"Well…she's probably going to be here almost all the time you're here from now on."
A smile broke out across her face and Kate felt her heart lift in her chest. "Oh, Castle? You got full custody? That's wonderful!" When his expression did not really reflect anything close to "wonderful" and strongly drifted towards "misery" she asked him what happened.
"She was just being so smug. This whole thing was just a game to her, and she used Alexis—her own daughter—as a pawn. She wanted those book residuals, and she knew the only way I'd give would be if she threatened to take Alexis away from me. She also probably correctly assumed that I wouldn't want to roll the dice on a court appearance and prolong the process even further."
"So, what happened?"
Castle put his wine glass on the coffee table and leaned forward, resting his forearms against his thighs. "I told her that if I got full custody, she could have residuals on Storm, Heat, and three other stand-alone books. She'll get tens of thousands more a year and I'll get Alexis." He dropped his chin to his chest and sniffed slightly. Then, after a moment, he looked over at Kate with glassy eyes and said, "I traded my daughter for money; what kind of a person does that make me?"
"What? No, no. You're not a bad person at all, Rick! How could you…c'mere." Kate slid closer to him and wrapped her arms around his shoulders, pulling his body into hers. Though she understood this was a very stressful situation for him, the fact that he made his actions sound as though he'd sold his daughter into slavery broke her heart, for that could not have been further from the truth.
"First of all, you gave up money to keep her, which has to be one of the most altruistic things that you could do. Besides the point that the only reason money was involved at all was because Meredith forced your hand. She was the one driving this, not you. Besides, you did what you did in order to give Alexis the best life, right? You know what would have happened if Meredith got full custody."
His body shuddered beside hers. "I can't even imagine… Nights like the one last week would have been just the beginning. Even if somehow she'd been granted it, it wouldn't have lasted. She would have just kept trying to manipulate me, manipulate both of us to get what she really wanted, which most certainly was not the responsibility of being a full-time parent."
"Right, exactly. Castle, I promise you—I promise you that you made the right decision, even though I wish you hadn't had to make it at all."
He nodded. "Thank you for saying that. It's just still…hard, you know? It's not the money. I don't care about the money. I…I just hate that she put me in a position where I felt like I had to trade my daughter—my child—as a commodity. It makes me sick."
Kate skimmed her fingers up and down his spine. "I know, I know. I'm so sorry you were put in that position."
"And now…now she's with me, which is great, but…but what if what Meredith said is right? A girl on the cusp of her pre-teen years should have her mother around for puberty advice, dating advice... Maybe I…maybe I shouldn't-"
"Stop." Kate's tone was kind yet firm. "Don't let her get into your head, Castle. Yes, it's true, that you might not be able to explain the inner workings of her uterus or be able to demonstrate how to use feminine products, but I know you'll move heaven and earth to get those answers for her and to find her a source to ask questions who she's comfortable with, even if that person isn't Meredith."
He nodded, though his expression indicated he wasn't fully convinced, so she placed her hand gently under his chin and guided it so he would look at her. "Castle, you are, without any question, a wonderful father. A wonderful father. You love Alexis more than anything else in the world. You're kind and caring, and silly, and fun, and serious all at the right times and your daughter adores you for it. You're…you're so wonderful that you made me want to have kids with you."
Kate's heart fluttered beneath her ribs at the confessions she hadn't been quite sure she was yet ready to say aloud but seeing the hurt on his face convinced her. She saw then, as she had seen for the duration of their partnership, that he was an amazing person, and an incredible father, and any child would be lucky to have him as their parent.
Castle's eyes grew wide and questioning as he asked softly, "Wha…what do you mean?"
She couldn't help but let out an embarrassed little laugh, "I know. Shocking, right? Especially since it hasn't been much more than a year since you found me in a bathroom utterly hysterical over what I thought was a positive pregnancy test. It, um…it's a new realization. It just sort of hit me this past weekend when we were playing board games with Alexis. Turns out when you think about having kids with the right person it's not terrifying. It kind of seems more like an adventure."
When it hit her, they had been playing the board game "Sorry" with Alexis. Kate hadn't played such a game in quite some time, but she found herself having quite a bit of fun. When Alexis began to win the game, her father grew overdramatic and began to complain, though it was all for show. They began to tease each other and eventually play wrestle over one of the game pieces. Alexis's riotous giggles had filled the room and the joy etched on Castle's face made Kate's heart flutter and the thought that popped into her mine was he's going to be great with our kids.
The thought had been so unexpected that it startled her—so much so that she actually excused herself to the bathroom to splash cold water on her face and make sure she didn't appear too flushed. She stared at her reflection in the mirror and realized that, yes, it was true. She did want to have children with him. Certainly, that would not be for several years into the future, but she knew that in addition to being a fantastic father, he was also the partner she wanted during such an endeavor. Because that's what he would be—a partner. He wouldn't expect her to carry the heavy burden of child-rearing on her own. With him at her side, a child would enrich her life, and she couldn't wait to experience it.
Castle stared at her for several moments, disbelief etched onto his face, before he gasped out, "Oh Kate! I love you! So much!"
"I love you, too." Then, without hesitation, she leaned in to press her lips against his.
Castle's arms immediately slid around her waist and he pulled their bodies flush together. He leaned back on the couch so that her body would naturally arch over his and he used the pressure of his fingertips against her lower back to encourage their hips to slot together. Kate settled with her knees astride his left thigh and one of her hands behind his shoulder while the other still cradled his face. The heat in their kisses built up slowly over the next several minutes, but as the tip of his tongue grazed against hers, Kate could feel the heat beginning to swirl between her legs.
Almost as though he read her mind, Castle pulled his lips away from hers and gazed up to her in an irreverent way. He brushed a few strands of hair off her forehead and asked softly, "Do you think…do you maybe want to move to the bedroom? Only if you're ready."
The corners of her lips tugged upwards as she nodded. "Yeah, I'm ready." She had been ready for a little while, but she was giving him the space to deal with Alexis's custody agreement. Now that the decision had been made, it was finally time for them to both move on—together.
With a chaste kiss to her lips, Castle gave her waist a little squeeze indicating that she needed to move. They took a second to untangle themselves from their couch position, but when they did, Castle took her hand and led her into his bedroom. He dropped it as they crossed the threshold and then walked over to turn on the lamp on his side of the bed. Then, he turned back towards her and reached out both hands. She stepped forward, grasped onto them, and let him pull her in and twist her body so that she sat down on the edge of the mattress. The bed was loosely made, so it was easy for her to scoot towards the center and leave him room to join her. When he did, their lips immediately came together.
Now that their intentions for the evening had been made clear, Castle didn't hesitate to skim his hand down her side and then up over her stomach so he could cup her breast. Though it was over her shirt and her bra, the anticipation of what was to come had every cell in Kate's body humming with excitement. She groaned as he palmed her breast and then slid her tongue into his mouth in reciprocation.
Just a few moments later, Castle's left hand was underneath the back of her shirt and grasping for her bra clasp. Before he unhooked it however, he pulled away from their kiss, nudged his nose against hers, and asked in a husky tone, "Tell me what you like, Kate?"
"Hmm?" She hummed out a response, not sure she'd heard him correctly.
"Tell me what turns you on."
Her eyes popped open and she felt her cheeks begin to heat slightly. Dipping her gaze she shook her head and shrugged. "Oh, um, the normal stuff."
"Hey." The ever-observant writer moved his hand from beneath her shirt so that he could cup her chin and force her gaze back to his. "Are you embarrassed? You don't have to be embarrassed with me—not ever."
"I'm not embarrassed, exactly. It's just…I've only been with two other men. I feel like I haven't a very diverse experience, sexually speaking." She confessed. With her high school boyfriend, her experiences had been more exciting from the fact that she was finally having sex, and not so much from actual physical pleasure. With Grant, things had started off rather slow due to how she struggled to cope with her mother's death. They did eventually fall into a pattern that mostly satisfied her, but that was the most she ever felt—the bare minimum of satisfaction. She had never had an experience that made her feel excited or enthusiastic—if that was even possible for her.
Castle frowned and said, "Yeah…Grant struck me as a missionary position with his socks on type of guy."
"Castle!" Kate gasped and gave his shoulder a playful smack. She certainly didn't need him discussing her sex life with Grant while they were in such an intimate position—no matter how accurate his assessment was.
He lowered his head and kissed her sweetly. Then, moving his hand back underneath her shirt, he brushed his fingertips over her belly and said, "I want you to enjoy this, Kate."
She sucked in a breath and felt the ache between her legs intensify solely from the feeling of his flesh on hers—and they were still fully clothed! "I don't think that's going to be a problem," she said softly.
He pushed himself upright and sat back on his heels as he began to work the hem of her shirt upwards. She sat up as well so they could remove the item from her body and toss it aside. "I'm serious, because that's what turns me on: turning you on." He dipped his head and kissed his way across her shoulder and up her neck while explaining, "With my hands. My mouth. My body." Just as he reached her ear, he nipped at the lobe with his teeth before whispering, "I want to make you cum so hard you forget your own name. Does that sound okay to you?"
Kate's body shivered involuntarily as she croaked out, "Uh huh."
"Good."
Then, with his intentions clear, he popped the clasp on her bra so adeptly she didn't notice until she felt the cool air against her breasts, which caused her already taunt nipples to tighten even further. Castle's lips were back on hers in an instant and his fingers began to explore her breasts, dusting over them lightly at first, and then using a bit firmer pressure to rub across her stiff peaks. She gasped into his mouth at the pleasure that sparked both at her breasts and at her center.
He moved his kisses down over the crest of her jaw, across her neck to the hollow of her throat, where he began to place wetter kisses against her collarbone and down her sternum until he dragged his tongue over her left breast until he reached the nipple. She let out a light mew of, "Oh!" when he began to suck and the pressure between her legs began to climb steadily.
Though part of her wanted to lay there and let him play with her nipples until that action alone brought her over the edge, she also wanted to feel his skin against hers, so she moved her fingers from their position combing through his hair around to his front so she could begin to unbutton his shirt. When she began to push it off his shoulders he sat up and pushed it away then also removed the black t-shirt he wore underneath. They shared a soft smile before he arched over her and began focusing his attention on her right breast while his left hand began to creep the rest of the way down her torso and tease its way along her inner thighs.
With her arousal building, Kate gently pulled Castle away from his ministrations so she could feel his mouth on hers again. They kissed again and again, somehow finding the perfect rhythm for each of them despite this being their first time with such a level of intimacy. At one point, he bumped his nose into hers and gazed at her intently. Her brow began to wrinkle as she was unsure of what he was doing, but then she felt his fingers brush against the juncture of her legs and her mouth fell open in a moan. He smirked.
Moving so that he was closer to her legs, Castle efficiently unbuttoned and unzipped her dress pants and then began to tug them down at the waist. When her hip bones were exposed, he chuckled lightly and said, "Ahh…I thought you might have had a hidden tattoo somewhere."
She looked down at the Chinese symbol that had been etched by her right hip for many years and nodded. "Yeah. I got it in memory of my mom."
"I like it."
She lifted her hips to help with the removal of her pants and he dragged them the rest of the way off her body before tossing them onto the floor. Then, he lowered his mouth to her belly and began kissing around her belly button and over towards her hip. She watched him, loving the way his hair flopped adorably over his forehead. She'd been focusing on how sexy his left hand looked while splayed over her hip that she was startled when she felt his finger graze firmly against her slit.
"Oh!"
He lifted his head and asked, "Too fast?
"No, no—just surprised."
"Okay." He then hooked his index fingers into the waistband of her panties and dragged them off as well. Tossing them aside with a cheeky, "You won't be needing those anymore."
She laughed at first, but her laugh turned into a choked gasp when he settled between her legs and began kissing his way across her lower lips. "God Kate." He groaned and she felt herself shiver from the feeling of his exhaled breath against her tender flesh. "You're so beautiful. And so wet."
"Oh Rick!" she gasped when she felt his tongue graze across her sensitive numb. She pressed her head back against the mattress and widened her legs, fighting the urge to press herself against him to increase the pressure, but he seemed determined to tease her for that moment, with intermittent touches of feather-light pressure. After just a few moments, though, his movements increased in both speed and pressure. Kate balled her hands against the comforter, her breath coming in short spurts. She was convinced she had never before uttered such sounds as he helped her ride her wave higher and higher until finally the dam broke, and she whimpered over the feeling of utter and absolute release.
A moment later his fingers replaced his mouth as he gently brought her down. He skimmed his mouth up her body, pausing to kiss every few inches until their faces were once again even and he asked softly, "You okay?"
She nodded and smiled at him. "Yes. Very, very okay." While she could still remember her own name, she could say without any hesitation it had been quite some time since she'd had an orgasm that intense.
They cuddled together for a few minutes until Kate felt she had her wits about her once more. Then, she ran her right index finger down the length of his spine until she reached the waistband of his jeans. She followed the band around to the front until she could pop the button on the pants. She then pressed several kisses on his forehead until he smiled at her and gave a subtle nod.
He swung his legs over the edge of the bed and then stood so he could remove his pants and underwear. As the items dropped to the floor, he still had his back to her, but when he turned around and she saw him fully erect, she gasped and though she tried to hide it, he obviously heard it, because he winked at her. Then, as he pulled open the top drawer in his nightstand he asked, "Do you want to be on top?"
"No, you can be. This time." She added with a smile.
He grinned and then pulled a condom packet from the drawer. He sat down on the edge of the bed, rolled it over himself, and then moved so that he was lying on top of her. He skimmed his hand against her jaw and brushed his thumb over her cheek before leaning down and giving her a chaste kiss. "Love you." He sighed.
"Love you." She echoed. She circled her arms around his back and pulled him in close as she felt him line himself up against her entrance. Though he pushed in slow, she still felt almost overwhelmed at the size of him. He asked if she was okay, and she confirmed with a nod. He then began to move his hips against hers and dropped his head so his chin rested against her shoulder. Kate held him close, feeling both relieved and thrilled that they were finally—finally—together this way. At various points in their relationship, it had seemed impossible, but they'd made it through some of the hardest times of their lives and come out the other side better, stronger, and ready to embark on the next part of their journey together.
Castle thrust against her for over five minutes before he lifted his head and asked gently, "Are you getting close?"
She turned her head to gaze at him with slight surprise. "I already came," she pointed out.
He quirked his eyebrow at her. "So?"
"I…oh." She twisted her lips to the side, somewhat at a loss for words as she'd never really tried to climax again in such quick succession. "I don't know if I can again," she told him honestly.
He paused the movement of his hips and slid his hand down between them so he could graze his fingers across her clit. Her body shuddered as he husked out, "Wanna find out?" She felt her head nodding without even realizing it and a wicked grin crossed his face. "What do you need?"
He thrust, slow and deep, and she could feel him getting close to the right spot, but not quite making it. "Legs up," she said simply, and he nodded, giving her a chance to lift her heels up off the mattress. She then linked her ankles behind him, and he thrust again, shooting stars across her vision. "Uh huh," was all she managed.
In those next few minutes, they found the perfect rhythm for their hips, that had them groaning in sink. Kate could feel the tightness and pressure building, but it wasn't until she slid a hand between them and rubbed her clit that she was finally able to fall apart again. As her walls spasmed, Castle groaned out, "Oh, Kate. Kate!" and she could feel all his muscles begin to tremble. A moment later, he collapsed against her, pressing their sweaty chests together. A deep laugh rumbled through her as she let her feet fall back against the mattress. She had never—never—had an experience like that one before.
"Oh my god." She laughed out.
Though it took him another twenty seconds, Castle finally lifted his head and breathed out, "I know, right?" Pressing his lips against her cheek, he added, "That was incredible. Really, really, incredible," while kissing her in between each word.
She chuckled and feathered her fingers through the hair at the back of his head. "A good way to break your dry spell?"
He gazed at her like he had just discovered a long-lost precious artifact. "You literally have no idea."
"I have a little idea," she pointed out. While technically she hadn't gone fifteen months without any sex like he had, the sex she'd had during that time was infrequent and certainly contained but a fraction of the level of satisfaction they'd just achieved together. It had been quite sometime since she'd had that. Actually—it was possible she never had, but she supposed that made sense; she had never before loved anyone quite the way she loved him.
"Hmm yeah I guess you do." After kissing her one last time, Castle rolled his body away from hers so he could remove the condom and do some light clean up with a tissue. With the trash appropriately disposed, he climbed back into bed, curled his body around hers and said softly, "Hi."
She giggled and threaded her leg in-between his, bringing them even closer together. "Hi."
He gazed at her lovingly for several moments before saying, "Stay the night with me."
She arched an eyebrow at him. "What about Alexis?"
"What about her?"
"Uh…you just told her we weren't dating?"
Castle's happy expression dropped into one of frustration. "Oh. Right."
Kate dusted her fingertips across his jaw and promised, "It's okay, Rick. I don't have to stay."
He sighed and rubbed his hands gently along her spine. "But I want you to stay. I want us to wake up together for the first time. In the same bed, I mean, not in a hotel in Queens."
"I know. I want that too—and we will do that, but just not now. I'm sure it'll be hard enough for you to explain to Alexis why I'm here in the morning. Let's not add complication until she knows about us officially."
Castle frowned. "Oh. Right. Alexis knows about sex-for-babies, but not about sex-for-fun. For good reason, of course," he added with a chuckle. Then, he appeared contemplative for a few moments before nodding. "Okay: first, I need to figure out how to explain to her that she's not going to see her mother very frequently anymore."
"Oh—she doesn't know?" Kate asked.
He shook his head. "No, all I told her when I picked her up from school was that there was a change of plans and she'd be spending the next few days here. I haven't yet figured out how to explain this to her without making her feel terrible because her mother was using her as a pawn or by accidentally making her feel like there's something wrong with her because her isn't going to be around much anymore."
Kate hummed. "That's all on Meredith…but of course you can't let her know that either."
Castle shook his head. "No, it's tricky."
"I'm sorry."
He pulled her in a bit tighter. "Thanks. Anyway, once the dust settles on that, I'll wait a few weeks and tell her about us officially. Then you can spend the night. How does that sound?"
"Perfect." She agreed, assuming that they would still be having sex during that time. Even if for some reason he decided it was best they didn't, she would still be fine with the arrangement. Castle needed to put his daughter and she absolutely respected that; in fact, it was one of his most endearing qualities.
Stoking his fingers over her collar bone he said, "I can't wait for us to start our relationship together officially. It's going to be so amazing."
"Yeah, it is." With that, she snuggled her body against his, fully relaxing in his embrace and for once not worrying to much about the future, because she knew that with him at her side it was going to be incredible.
A/n: thank you all so much for reading. Epilogue will be posted Saturday.