Chapter 9
During his academy days, Naruto had once heard the story of the "other side". It was not heaven or hell, but simply an alternate place in which your spirit thrived. Your body lay paralyzed and abandoned while your soul roamed around.
Death, without the commitment; sleep, without the rest—something similar to that, at least.
They see the shift in Sasuke's body. Shoulders that drooped casually, and legs folded pretzel-like before him take on a weight that shakes his very core. In moments, his spine straightens, his fists clench, and his once placid face takes on emotion that only comes out when Sasuke is out for blood.
"Leave," Shikamaru calls towards the bystanders. It takes them seconds to throw aside their helmets and dash out of the room. Shikamaru shakes his head, not knowing whether to praise the regulators for their quick response, or denounce them as operational ninja.
Just as the door slams shut, a toxic sweep of energy spreads throughout the room. Naruto feels his skin react to the power—the hairs on his arms stand at attention and a chill runs down his back. Adrenalin pumps through his veins in waves.
Sasuke's eyes snap open.
No one mentions anything about keeping their eyes downcast, lest they find themselves captured in a powerful genjutsu. Kakashi knows the extent of Uchiha eyes, and Shikamaru is brilliant enough not to tempt fate. Naruto approaches the slowly waking man, careful not to startle.
"Hey, Sasuke…"
Sasuke looks at his hands first. The fingers curl and uncurl. He does not seem weakened in the least from the vertigo of interdimensional travel. Naruto finds that to be incredibly unfair, but understandable, considering his rinnegan had the ability to transport himself when needed.
His body gives off a few noticeable reactions, however. As he untangles his limbs and removes the wires from his head, his breathing becomes more audible. It was not the out-of-breath pant of exertion and training. It was as though he was suffocating from the inside—like some mysterious force had a hold of his larynx and lungs. Shallow huffs escape his lips, they staccato in rapid successions.
The unseen pressure that drapes over Sasuke's form is familiar. It is an accumulation of emotion: guilt, sorrow, and fury, which caused his body to react in such ways. Narrowing dark, endless eyes, the man speaks. "You're not dead."
Naruto is unsure of what to say to this. He imagines Sasuke is just as confused as he was when he had first awoken. He raises his hands submissively to his partner as a sign of respect. They were tiptoeing around a striking cobra.
"Not yet, at least."
Sasuke does not offer any words of encouragement.
The Uchiha were cold, calculating, and ruthless people, swayed by emotions they did not understand. Such characteristics had afflicted the clan since its birth—Sasuke was not much different from his predecessors.
Kakashi lifts his chin, crossing his arms defensively. The pressure in the air around them had not yet let up, which could only mean one thing. Although the man was conscious enough to take control of his leaking chakra, it still rippled ominously within his gut.
They were still unsafe.
Sasuke was a peculiar type of person. Kakashi both respected, and lamented the new side of him that was so unlike the old. He had become nothing more than a traveler, who only remained bound to Konoha by the strings he'd attached to Naruto, Sakura, and on certain days, himself. He was neither a mourning sprit, nor a placid soul. He was neither good, nor bad. His loyalties were to his family and the things important to that family. That was it.
As powerful and intelligent as he was, there were very few things Sasuke let slide past him. He had no patience for idiocy or mistakes, (even though he was far from perfect himself). This meant that, in his half-dazed mind, there were two people at fault for Sakura's "death".
Unluckily for Kakashi, Sasuke turned his gaze upon him.
Shikamaru and the others dodge a hefty wave of force, staying light on their feet as Sasuke walked towards the middle of the room. Pebbles shake and fly from his path—chairs and desks bend under his might. It was obvious that someone was exponentially pissed off.
The spikey-haired Nara ground his teeth in frustration.
As acting proctor of all exams, Shikamaru had an unusually light schedule for someone of his status. The Chunin Exams occurred twice every year, and Konoha didn't always hold them. It was a nice gig. The man dutifully accepted the job as babysitter and bowed his head lowly to his superiors in response. His time filled with cloud watching, courting Temari, and he dabbled in the surveillance sector when his genius was needed.
This year, though…this year was goddamn awful. Not only did a random Jōnin Exam pop up out of nowhere, with little to no information or paperwork on what it entailed, but now he had to watch highly-skilled ninja as they lay completely helpless while some new-age technology sent them to a far-off land for a mission that didn't even matter. It was utter nonsense. How this passed legislation, he'd never know.
Kakashi offered up an excuse for the council. It was true that middle-ranked missions were becoming scarce. Genin had plenty of weed pulling and dog watching to do, and Jonin were busy weeding out things of their own—civilian dangers, illegal crime, that sort of thing. Chunin were stuck, and after the war, many believed they were the perfect fit for a better status.
Konoha's known for its prideful people.
Now, on such a beautiful day, Shikamaru is weaving out his family jutsu to stop a raging Sasuke from doing something he'd surely regret later. "That's as far as you'll go."
He couldn't just stand by idly. There were a hundred-and-some-odd people under his watch, (111, to be exact). Tomorrow, there would be another 111, and the next day as well. Instead of going home and having time to eat a decent meal—maybe watch the sun set, he has to keep Sasuke from attacking their Hokage or their Hokage-to-be, all because Sakura's not here to cuddle the anger out of him or whatever in the hell she did.
Speaking through clenched teeth, Shikamaru addresses his less-than-amused Hokage. "Where'd you put Miss Monster-Fist?"
"Are you talking about Sakura?" Naruto asks. He sidesteps Sasuke, never keeping his eyes off the immobile man.
Kakashi shakes his head, talking just above a whisper. "She's not strong enough to battle Sasuke."
It was too dangerous to have her around him now, whether her "death" was the cause of his malice or not. Even as a bystander, Sakura often ended up bruised by Sasuke's hand—after all, it was only a few days ago that she was in the hospital because of him.
Instead of his normal, dutiful response, Shikamaru lets loose. "What the hell does strength have to do with it?"
Bewildered, both Kakashi and Naruto look his way. It's a dangerous choice, but surprisingly, even Sasuke finds himself intrigued by the fit.
"Look, Naruto," Shikamaru begins. "Your speeches are good and all but, Sasuke's pretty much immune by now. In fact, I don't think he's ever really been swayed by 'em. Kakashi, you know as well as I do that the likelihood of Sasuke actually killing any of us right now is slim. It's not about us. It's about the other contenders. He doesn't need a fight—whether he wants one or not."
Kakashi turns to face him fully. "What exactly does he need, then?"
In that moment, Shikamaru's shadow slithers out of existence.
When Sasuke was 5, there were three men had his upmost respect: His father, his brother, and the village Hokage. Generally, the Hokage is the strongest shinobi in Konoha—that in itself warrants reverence. Sasuke, however, cared very little for titles and presumptions. He valued people differently in his own mind.
Right now, Kakashi Hatake was at the bottom tier, because Sakura was dead and there was no one else that deserved his fury.
There is no need for complicated jutsu or deadly force. All the man wants to do is punch him, hurt him, tell him that he and Sakura and Naruto were all more than capable of becoming Jonin and this entire examination was fucking stupid. He does not give himself time to think about what he is doing.
Sasuke gathers the material of Kakashi's coat. Kakashi does not deny him.
Redemption is a word that means so much to Sasuke, for it is the only thing that can save him. He wants salvation. He is tired of feeling raw and despicable. There is so much wrong that he's done, so much bad he's committed. Decking the village chief would not heal any part of his soul, and yet, he's blind to the fact.
Sakura…Sakura had never been the strong one. From what little he remembered of her in the academy, she was horrible at shurikenjutsu, below average at ninjutsu, and excelled in academics only. Teaming up with her and Naruto felt like a death sentence at first. Sasuke didn't think he'd get anywhere with those two by his side.
Yet, the blossom surprised him—continuously.
She did not just speak with fluffy words. Her admiration and fervor was more than just skin-deep. If she said something, she meant it. If she did something, she gave it her all. Sakura wasn't clumsy and spontaneous like Naruto. She was cool, calm and collected.
The strangest thing about Sakura was that, although she gave off a fragile-feminine vibe, she was more of a tomboy than her hair would suggest. Sasuke liked that she had so many surprises wrapped up in that tiny body. You never knew what to expect.
And man, had she gotten tough.
As of late, Sasuke found himself despising her presence—and not by any fault of her own. His disgust stemmed from his actions. His hand on her throat, his sword aimed in her direction, his vile hatred towards the girl that never did anything more but love him wholeheartedly.
Sasuke was guilty. There is a cold feeling within chest, as if someone has rubbed spearmint in his throat—a burning cold that will take…something different to heal him.
He did not know what would make him feel better—he did not know if he would ever feel better. Sasuke, however, did know his body craved destruction for now…and he so easily caved in.
Naruto had been gone for 10 minutes. 10 minutes and the terrible, awful feeling that churned in the pit of Sakura's stomach had yet to recede.
The terrycloth sheets that cling to her body are fresh, but they smell of bleach and chemicals. Sakura knows her hospital well enough to recognize that the bedding belongs to Ward 3, where they house enemy ninja who are in dire need of medical help. It is not a cloth meant to bring comfort. It is not a welcoming texture.
It does nothing to appease her trepidation.
The nurse's assistant beside her changes the pillowcase with shaking hands. It wasn't every day that someone worked on their superior, after all. Tucking linin and making beds has its own degree of complexity to it. Wrinkles caused more friction on the skin, and bedsores were hard to get rid of. Her nervousness is not lost on Sakura.
As understandable as it was, Sakura wished her nurse were calmer.
Suddenly, without knocking, five men shoulder their way through the doors, heading towards abandoned cots. They look completely drained and exhausted, even as they talk amongst themselves. Something must have happened.
Sakura swings her legs over the edge of the bed as the nurse checks their vital signs and chakra pressure, making sure that no one immediate medical attention. Each one has an elevated blood pressure, low oxygen, and a slight fever. It is a telltale sign that they've been terrified.
Without realizing it, Sakura has made her way to the men. Although she is not at full strength, she still manages to stand up tall and give off an air of superiority. Fighting back the strain in her voice, she asks, "What was going on when you left?"
It takes a moment for any of them to answer. Looking between each other, the men finally offer up a sacrifice. A balding, middle-aged man with a gruff, unkind voice explains. "The Uchiha was waking up. We all dispersed before we could get captured in his doujutsu."
That was smart on their part. "Is that all?"
"That's all…for now."
Making her choice, Sakura decides to abandon her cot and see the situation unfold for herself.
It is a strange feeling to wake up after dying. Kakashi had said that it shouldn't have been an unpleasant or painful experience, but it seems as though Sakura's mind decided to handle things differently. Inner Sakura had been a dormant part of her body for a very long time, and parts of her had simply submerged with Sakura altogether. She was not as strong as she used to be. However, it seemed that, when Sakura had no control, her subconscious decided to take over.
It was a bizarre realization…and, an unimportant one.
With legs that felt like rubber, and joints that ached with every movement, Sakura followed the sound of falling objects until she made it to an unopened door with a broken seal. She does not knock, and does not make her presence known.
She simply enters.
Half expecting to see Naruto wrapped around Sasuke's fist, Sakura is utterly shocked to find that Kakashi's captured instead.
Magnetism. That is the only word that Sakura can find within her vast personal dictionary that could describe the draw she had towards Sasuke. It was as though gravity pulled her to him, and she rocked against an asteroid belt of hurt and anger until she landed upon his surface.
For a moment, all Sasuke can see is Kakashi, and in the next, pink tendrils and stained-glass eyes and warm, thin arms swallow him completely. There's not enough oxygen for him to take in.
Pressing her cheek into a faded uchiwa insignia, Sakura digs into his midsection with filed-down nails. "Sasuke?!"
Please, don't.
Please.
Sasuke does not breathe. Instead, he turns, giving Sakura a full view of his piercing, mismatched eyes. To Sakura, they are terrifying in concept. There's so much trauma he can cause by simply capturing her in a never-ending nightmare—one so dark that he could turn her very brain to mush.
Yet, the woman stands her ground and pulls him in her spider-web gaze.
"What are you doing?" She asks.
She's not dead.
Like hot water on a pillar of salt, the room and its inhabitants dissolve. Sasuke sees nothing but Sakura. He soaks in every blemish, every curve her flesh offered as her fingers gathered the fabric of his black t-shirt. Uchiha eyes remember everything—like the off-white sunspots that dot just below Sakura's eyes, and the reflective speckles of gold and silver that dance around a pool-like pupil.
As they parry one-another's gazes, reality slaps Sasuke back into focus in the form of Sakura's buckling knees. Sakura flails her arms out and slams her face into Sasuke's chest. He's quick to capture her bent elbows and keep her from tripping to the floor beneath them.
The floor—the room—the three elite ninja that surround him at that very moment—they'd all seen him at his weakest. For the first time since Sasuke was a child, he had let his guard down.
Dark, masculine eyebrows furrow in disbelief and disgust.
He's done it again.
He cannot repent from his sins.
He is a failure.
"Sakura, are you alright?" Naruto asks. He comes to her aide quickly, and Sasuke all but pushes her towards him. It's too loud in here now. The eyes of Kakashi, Shikamaru, Naruto and Sakura are all too heavy. The constant, low ringing pitch that hummed in his mind had become too loud, too blindingly loud for Sasuke to concentrate on anything but escape.
Grabbing the cloth above where his heart lay, Sasuke fought back the overwhelming feeling of revulsion. He had been so out of it. Engulfed by Sakura's safety and presence, he'd forgotten where and who he was.
Sasuke Uchiha could not afford to let his guard down again.
Sasuke Uchiha could not get close to Sakura.
He couldn't lose her, either.
He didn't know what to do.
"I'm fine, Naruto." The woman says quickly, taking a step away from him. She reaches out towards Sasuke and her hand stills when he speaks.
"You should have died." He says, letting the words seep from his overstimulated mind. "I thought you did."
His words shock her to her core. She bites her lips, so as not to cry. "I hate have disappointed you, then."
It was uncommon for Sakura to be gone from her office for more than a few days. There was always paperwork that needed filing, admissions to accept or deny, and one little cozy corner that was perfect for serious studying.
Sometimes, Sakura wishes she were like her mother. When that blonde-haired woman stressed, she'd clean the entire house from top to bottom, removing all of her knick-knacks and trinkets, soaking them in sink water, and finally catch up on months' worth of laundry. Sakura had learned from a young age that if she needed certain things clean or done, she'd have to do it herself. She also learned that cleaning your home was a lot harder than she always thought it would be.
Therefore, Sakura is not like her mother. When stressed, she escapes to her office and falls into huge stacks of important paperwork. Sometimes, when the filing cabinets offered her no solace and her head felt like it was going to explode, she found herself in the emergency room, pouring chakra into civilian and ninja alike. Other days, she takes to the rooftops and her feet carry her to Sasuke Uchiha's old apartment, even though she cannot remember what he used to smell like or if his adolescent sent still lingered.
She wouldn't go there though. Perhaps, not ever again.
Sinking into her chair, the woman stares out at the bustling, scenic view of Konoha. On the dark side of town, covered by new soil and buildings-to-be, the ruined grounds of the Uchiha compound hide.
Drawing swirls into the margin of a thick pamphlet, the woman falls into yet another proposal by the city council. They wish to disband the therapy unit and merge with the hospital. "Utilize empty hospital rooms, huh?" She says aloud.
"I told them not to bother you with that one," Kakashi says. He stands in the threshold of her office, raising his knuckle to the doorframe. "Sorry for intruding. I noticed your light was on."
"If you're going to chide me about resting, you're wasting your time."
He holds both hands up in submission. "I actually come in peace…and curiosity."
This piques Sakura's interest.
Long ago, when she was just a girl training under Tsunade, she'd realized that Kakashi had never been too involved with her. It wouldn't be fair to act as though she was the only one he ignored—Naruto was bolder at calling the man out. Still, Sakura knew that Kakashi did not connect with Sakura in the same way he did with Sasuke. Looking back, Sakura wishes that the bond between master and student had been stronger, because if it had, perhaps Sasuke wouldn't have felt the need to search elsewhere for power.
Still, whether it was simple chatting or her improvement as a kunoichi, Kakashi Hatake never bothered with either. Stepping into her workplace randomly, so late in the night, must mean something rather heavy weighed on his mind. It was unusual for a Hokage to do so.
"Don't sit on the green chair," she warns. It is normally where nurses direct the ill. Although sterilized daily, she often directs comrades to its twin blue seat.
An awkward aura soaks up the air, making it difficult for Sakura to concentrate. Flipping through her documents, she waits busily for the Hokage to break his silence and speak his mind.
"Are you and Sasuke a couple? Or…were you?"
That, however, was not what she had expected.
Saliva, swallowed incorrectly, causes Sakura to cover her mouth as she chokes on spit and embarrassment. Turning red from lack of air and mortification, the woman stands up and nearly spills her warm cup of tea.
Sipping the hot liquid, Kakashi gives her time to calm down and reposition her papers. She shakes her head. "We certainly weren't. Where is this coming from?"
"Shikamaru enlightened me on some details of the Chunin exams. It seems as though, when Sasuke acquired to the Cursed Seal of Heaven mark, you aided in calming his rampage. "
Sakura does not even blink. "That is the cause of your assumption?" If it was, it was an asinine theory.
"I had no knowledge of something like that happening."
"This feels like a lecture."
"It's certainly not."
Kakashi could admit that he was…perhaps…not the best at speaking to Sakura of such matters. First impressions always stuck hard in one's mind. The person before her had grown out of her shell—she was not doe-eyed, giggly, and terrified of battle any longer.
Scratching his head, the man shifts uncomfortably in the suede chair. "I would like to apologize to you."
This revelation warrants Sakura's full attention.
"As you sensei, I don't feel like I was there for any of you like I should have been. I know I could have done more. I often told you not to worry about what was going on in regards to Sasuke, but it seems that you knew more of what was plaguing him than both Naruto and me. I kept you out of the loop—with Naruto as well."
"No one could have guessed that he would have truly left. I'm old enough now to know that the mysteries surrounding both Naruto and Sasuke weren't any of my business, and certainly weren't in my jurisdiction. It would have been nice to learn as much from you as I could, but I'd say Tsunade has taught me so much more than you ever could have."
Sakura offers him a smile. From the way his eyes crinkle, she can tell he's returned it. "For what it's worth, as Hokage, I would have raised your rank immediately after the war if the council would have allowed it."
"Too many people would cry foul due to favoritism. Still, you'd think the fact that Naruto, Sasuke and I sealed the Goddess of all chakra should be more than enough proof."
"It is for me."
Curling her fingers around the lukewarm cup in her hands, Sakura glances beyond Kakashi's shoulder. Nurses shuffle by, moving as quickly as they can towards the emergency room. It seems as though tonight is a bit busier than normal.
"How much longer will it take the other participants to finish their rounds?" Sakura asks as she stands. She makes her way to her bookshelf, where she keeps her personal linen and coverings. These don't smell like chemicals, nor do they sting your eyes.
"For now, I'm not sure. I'll relay that information to you as quickly as possible."
Wrapping a gown around her midsection, she nods hastily and comes up to his side. Her eyes are determined and fierce. Her lips press into a straight line. She hugs both elbows to her chest, looking up at her former teacher, and her current Hokage.
"Thank you for speaking with me."
As she grows older, Sakura realizes that loose ends of her past are knotting together. It is getting easier to achieve her goals—her progressions are moving at a workable pace. She has pride in what she does. She has pride in the connections she's created.
Turning away, Sakura calls down the hallway to the staff, listening intently on the status of the emergency attendants. She spends the rest of her night healing, getting lost in the anatomy of the human bodies that lay before her.
Time passes by much quicker this way.