"I promise I won't hurt you," Buffy said stiffly. "You're still my friends."
She was in a part of the Despot's palace that Xander wished wasn't here and wished he didn't think Buffy had used, with her strapped down to what he preferred to pretend was an operating table. For someone with her powers, it amounted to pretty flimsy restraints, but hopefully it'd give the real security-the Scoobies-a second to react if she started to break free. They hadn't even bothered to hide the Scythe. If she got that far, they were already in trouble.
"I wish we could trust you on that," he said sadly. "I wish we were still friends." Beside him, Anya winced, but nothing untoward happened.
"She's still your friend," TARA said softly. "For now, at least. She's not lying about that. It just...won't stop her from manipulating or fighting you to get what she wants. But she will make some effort not to hurt you."
Buffy nodded from her table. "I hope you realize that, Xander. You guys don't treat me any different. I hear you're an admiral now?"
"Of Luthe," Xander admitted. "And Fred's the queen. We don't blame you for that, Buffy. I'm sure you did what you had to. We heard good things out of Gem at first."
"Only at first? What'd I do that you had to come kick my butt?"
Xander closed his eyes and shook his head. "So far it's not what you've done so much as what you haven't, Buffy. They say you killed all the lawyers, and Spike's your head executioner now. Nobody's vetting new accusations-people are just going straight to jail, maybe even straight to execution."
"Xander," Buffy said in a reasonable tone, "how is that different from what I've always done, other than treating humans the same as demons? Or...wait...are you seriously suggesting that Iought to discriminate? Humans get a trial, demons just get the stake?" She shook her head as if disgusted. "You, Chosen of the Sun, advocate of goodness? You're not off to a great start. Oh, and I didn't kill any lawyers."
"It was just a meta...ugh!" Xander threw up his hands and stalked away. "Any ideas how to get through to her?" he asked TARA.
TARA shook her head. "This isn't some simple mental illness, and it isn't mind control. This is an actual supernatural power from the Ebon Dragon. No ordinary magics can get rid of it. In fact, where Creation's Chosen are concerned, it takes unusual powers just to get rid of something like this yourself." She gave a brief smug smile. "I'd just uninstall it if it were me."
Xander stared at Buffy, who was whistling idly. "You call this a power? This? She might as well be a vampire!"
TARA shook her head. "Try insulting Spike's bravery sometime. Or take the Master. His beliefs were horrible, but he was devoted to them. Buffy's beyond that. As for being a power...imagine what you could do if you had no inhibitions at all."
"Nothing good, I'd think."
TARA gave a deep sigh. "Please don't make me have to kill you too."
"What?" This was Tara he was talking to, for god's sake!
"Xander, nothing about these powers requires Buffy to be evil. In fact they boost her willpower so that she can choose good whenever she wants. Good just...doesn't have the immediacy it does for us." Xander frowned at her foolishly, and she seemed to take a moment to consider. "Whatis power, Xander?"
Xander mulled it over. "Freedom, I guess. Choices other people don't have."
"Buffy is free to choose, in a way we aren't. She can't be pressured by any conventional means. She can't suffer from Stockholm syndrome. She can't be fooled or trapped by hard moral dilemmas." TARA let that sink in before going on. "But she's not ready for it. She's bound by too many other human limitations. She gets hungry, horny, sleepy, bored. She was afraid of transcending those limits in my timeline too. Now she's stumbled over a worse one."
Xander pounded his fist on the wall. "How does that have anything to do with basically losing your soul?"
TARA took hold of him by the wrist. "How much of vampires killing humans is not having a conscience...and how much is needing to eat? Yes," she said, anticipating his response, "they have other ways to survive now. The point is that we're all shaped by our needs. Most of the wrong things we do are about our needs, and being used to having those needs. If humans didn't need food or shelter, how much less theft would there be? Buffy's too shaped by those needs to just forget them now, but if she'd started earlier-if she'd realized sooner that instead of not needing to sleep much, she didn't need sleep at all, and gone on from there-we might not be in this mess. You don't hurt other people to meet your needs if you don't have any. You can choose to, if you like-the Ebon Dragon does-but you aren't forced to."
"But it's too late to just teach her that?" Xander considered. "She's too used to needing stuff to change right away even if she stopped needing it. Is that what you're saying?"
TARA nodded. "The Ebon Dragon's powers aren't guaranteed damnation, not even these. I'm hoping that understanding that will give you a clue how to bring her back, because I don't know how."
"Regular therapy won't work. And no ordinary magic can take her powers." TARA nodded. "So we have to...what? Go on an epic quest to restore her? TARA, I'm not sure we can take the time for that, not if the apocalypse is still on schedule."
TARA lowered her gaze. "I'm sorry. I do wish you wouldn't give up yet. You have some time still. And, um...not all quests are external."
Xander nodded. "I guess I'm on the case."
Chapter 49-And If You Think We Can't
"I let you off easy," Buffy said.
"Come on," Anya scoffed. "We had you fair and square. You were nearly burnt out after fighting Ma-Ha-Suchi."
"Not what I meant. You're a killer who could drown Angelus in blood. Just one of the things you did-the Russian Revolution-killed millions of people. You're right up there with Hitler and Stalin-hell, you created Stalin." Buffy's smirk showed vicious teeth. "But I let you live. And now you're a bigwig in Yu-Shan. Do they really know what you are?"
"You were at the trial. You heard me tell them. I admitted to everything I remembered." Anya's tone was flat and cold. "I also told them they could do what they wanted with me. You want me to go live in an alley and moan about what an awful monster I am? What good does that do? I'm not Angel. I'm doing what I can to fix the mess they've made of this world. It won't undo anything I did, but it'll save people now. What are you doing to make the world better? Anything?"
Buffy scoffed. "I overthrew a tyrant. You're standing in his palace."
"So did I. You just told me that put me up there with Stalin, but I didn't know what the result would be. You don't either." Anya reached out and poked Buffy in the chest. "At least you hung around to guide the results, so maybe it'll turn out better. Only you're not paying any attention, are you?"
"You're missing the point," Buffy said, yawning. "I don't care. You're trying to make me care, but you don't live up to your own standards. So...where exactly do you get off telling me what to do?"
Anya leaned forward into Buffy's face. "I didn't grow up with your standards. I do know they don't tell me thing one about making up for what I did. Dying doesn't fix anything. Helping people fixessomething, at least. When I was a vengeance demon I did good work. Now that I'm a Sidereal I want to do as good a job. I want to be proud enough to brag the way I brag about eviscerations."
Buffy rolled her eyes. "Go fuck yourself."
Anya clenched her teeth and didn't move.
"Okay, go fuck your boyfriend. Or your wife. I don't give a damn what you do, just quit bothering me."
"You know," Anya said, "I don't have to let you off easy." And she turned on her heel and walked away.
Maybe she'd feel better if she did all three.
"I still don't understand why you threatened me," Xander wondered.
"Because you and Buffy have the same kind of black-and-white thinking," TARA said. "For all I know, Buffy succeeds because you help her. Or are you telling me you wouldn't kill the Ebon Dragon?"
"TARA," Xander said carefully, "you told me doing that would end the world. That's enough reason to let him live. But I can't think of any other."
"None of the Yozi are good...people," TARA began, "for lack of a better word. And you're right that the Ebon Dragon is perhaps worse than most of the others. But he's the Principle of Opposition, not the Principle of Evil. Put him in a oppressive regime and he'll overthrow it. Give him a villain with a dream of tyranny and he'll break that dream in pieces. The one time he tells the truth is to hurt people, but sometimes confronting people with the hard truth is the best favor you can do them. It's what Buffy needs, right?"
"When you put it that way..."
"The Ebon Dragon doesn't want the best for anyone but himself. But in sharing his power, he's shared his perspective. So he wants freedom. Freedom's not bad, is it?" TARA spread her hands as if offering it herself.
Xander took her right hand and gestured with his left. "He doesn't care about freeing Buffy. But he's shared power that Buffy can use to free herself. I figure he gets something out of it too?"
"Of course," TARA said. "He wants to be free himself. If he were in any lesser prison he'd already be out. He's freedom, but freedom's not bad. He's opposition, but some things need opposing. And he's deception, but some lies are worse than others. How many times did you bluff your way out of school to save the world?"
"That's a lot to think about," Xander said. It sounded plausible. Which a lie cooked up by the Ebon Dragon would, of course.
"Well," TARA said, "think about it. Buffy didn't."
Rupert Giles sagged against a wall, standing over the dissolving corpse of his four-armed assailant. Wesley wasn't quite finished with his, but Giles wasn't as young as he used to be, and for the moment all he could do was catch his breath.
"You'd think," Wesley said finally, "that eventually one of us would Exalt under the pressure."
"Limited supply," Giles reminded him. "Only seven hundred to go around, in a world of billions of people. If not for that, it'd be a wonderfully meritocratic system."
"Eventually, Rupert," Wesley said, "you must realize they'll stop playing around. They'll send actual Sidereal assassins, and we won't stand a chance."
Of course they would. By that time their stockpile of Cruciamentum toxin would give them one. But that was all part of the bluff, like Criosyn's supposed death. So Giles only nodded and said, "Maybe it's time we made some effort to leave Yu-Shan. I know that distance will make little difference, but it will still be greater than zero."
Wesley nodded. "I suppose it's time. Let's find Cordelia and Charles."
"I know you're not Tara," Buffy told the android. "You're an Exalt from our time."
"No," Tara said. "I'm not her. I understand the mistake, though. You know I warned you about this. Exaltations still make me nervous, but there are powers you can't just...well, my father would have said 'put your hand to the plow and look back.' He was hateful, but he wasn't stupid."
"Well, I've done that now," Buffy sneered. "I like what I am now."
"Closing the barn door after the horse is out," Tara said. "I'm not sure I can do anything to help, but I thought I should come see you. I miss the way you were."
"Weak? Afraid? Or conflicted?" Buffy tugged on her straps as if by habit.
"Self-aware. Thoughtful," Tara listed. "Sane. Did you ever wonder why I didn't object to you not staking Spike?"
"I did. A little. Bored now."
"I thought, in spite of all his problems, he might be salvageable somehow," Tara said sadly. "I wish I could say the same for you."
"You think you can kill me?" Buffy laughed harshly, not so different from the way Faith had sounded. Wait...what else reminded Tara of that time? Something wedged in, its energy out of place.
"I do," Tara said. "Because you know that if you hurt me in any way, even in self-defense, Willow won't let you die for a long, long time." She spun and walked away.
"A shaping effect," TARA said. "A power that bends reality outside the conventional laws of nature."
"Don't they all?" Xander asked.
"When you punch someone in the face it hurts them," TARA said. "When you run you move faster. When you wave your hand, bunnies don't appear. Not naturally. It's too simple a concept to explain easily."
"Is it something Buffy's done to herself?" Willow asked.
"No," TARA said, "not in that way. Learning Yozi powers, even especially alien ones, wouldn't leave such a signature." She frowned and tapped her fingers thoughtfully. "She made a wish. And Sulumor granted her the power she asked for. She didn't learn it conventionally."
"It's like a spell, then?" Tara wondered. "Can we break it?"
"All shaping effects are vulnerable," TARA said, "but it's not like a spell, and they're much easier to prevent than to reverse. Especially from the outside."
"Buffy likes herself the way she is now," Xander said. "If you're saying she needs to throw it off herself, I don't think we can make her."
"We can't force her," Anya said. "We can trick her, though. Oldest one in the book. We convince her she doesn't want it any more."
"How?" Willow asked.
"That's absolutely the question," Xander said thoughtfully.
Cearr strolled into the Conventicle, a neomah under his arm, and Cyan sighed. It was his business what he did with neomah, but his tastes were nothing she wanted to see.
"I'm sorry, kiddo," he said, and patted the neomah on the shoulder. "I don't think he'll love you less."
"What's this?" Cyan asked. "Who is she?"
"Project Alpha," Cearr said. Ostensibly that was about improving coordination of the Reclamation. Actually, it had to do with the plan to leave the Yozis in the lurch and take Creation for themselves.
"A neomah," Cyan said doubtfully. "You do you, Cearr, but don't pretend to be civilized."
"It's his kid," Cearr said calmly. "Orchid-Eater ain't gonna be happy, but it's better than not getting her back at all. Best of all, I can prove Mr. Big's responsible. He's the most powerful Yozi loyalist around."
"You're certain?" That would be the greatest boon to the movement yet. Of course, that gave Cearr himself disproportionate influence, but he would slip up again.
"I'm no dumber than you are, Cyan. I know what I'm doing. Orchid-Eater's the type to actually be grateful, an' when he finds out the loyalists did this-"
"He'll come over to us. He's hardly without ambition himself." Cyan walked over to the poor girl and offered her a sweet. "Candy? I'm sorry, little one. Your old life is over, and not even we can restore it, but there will be perks. And I think the big lug is right-your father will love you no matter what."
She'd make sure of it, just in case.
Xander wished he could be sure this would work. Even Buffy's loyalty to her friends was up in the air right now, and if she lost that...well, there wouldn't be much Buffy left in that case. "Dawnster...I hate this. We'll find a way to get her back to you." He squeezed her hand, and she smiled weakly up at him.
"I can live with it either way, Xander." She was swathed in bandages and splints, and lucky at that. Ma-Ha-Suchi had hit her one time. Why the wrappings had any effect on her illusory body, he wasn't sure, but they seemed to work. "I remember the lie, and so does she. There's worse that could've happened."
"Fred, I know you two just met when we came here." Hell, Fred had Exalted punching Buffy in the face. "She's going to need your help anyway. I'm glad you made it back." The Calibration Gate still sat in front of the Despot's palace in spite of increasingly-angry demands from all Sidereal factions and several gods that it be removed. Unfortunately, Gem was far from any static gate, so Anya kept having to burn her limited supply of favors to keep moving it back.
"It's all right," Fred said. "I understand why being human matters. Just think she's got her definitions wrong."
"It's time to do this. She's broken free twice, nearly seduced her way out five times, and had her doubles try to get in three. Anh, I'm relying on you to be bad cop. Will-Scholar, Shadow...you know how we're handling things." A series of nods. Unfortunately, Spike and Angel were also among the injured-wait, who was he kidding? that wasn't unfortunate at all-and Giles was busy with Yu-Shananigans.
Shadow nodded and strolled through the door. Xander kept his ears open-he was getting to be a really good listener. "I'm sorry, Buffy," he heard her say. "The truth is, we don't need two of me any more. And since I've got as good a claim as you now-"
Snap! Buffy was loose. Just as planned. "C'mon, guys." They filed through the door one by one. "Sorry, Buff. We were going to break the news together. You're just too corrupted to keep around. We're all sad, but since there's more than one of you anyway-"
"You've been waiting for this," Buffy said, a quiet snarl. "Ever since you got to be the hero, ever since you found out I wasn't-"
"You were a hero, Buffy," Willow said. "Even when you killed Rankar. Not all monsters are, well...monsters. But you can't be a hero unless you know which is which, and you just don't anymore."
"I thought you people knew better. I've been Exalted longer than any of you. I know what I'm doing here. You just have to trust me, okay?" Buffy began to work her limbs. "The people here are only used to obeying from fear. They need to learn that they have a voice. That when they ask for justice, they can get it."
"You've never been about justice, Buffy," Anya said contemptuously. "This is a vendetta. Always has been, always will be."
"It doesn't matter what Kimbery-"
"Kimbery?" Anya scoffed. "It's a human vendetta, Buffy. Demon kills one human, humans kill twenty demons. Everything's always an excuse to break out the torches and pitchforks. That's what the Slayer is, what she's always been: humanity's personal vengeance demon. You're not a hero, Buffy. You never were. You're just a Hatfield. And trust me, Buffy...I know my Hatfields."
Buffy lunged at Anya, and Xander seized her by the wrists. It wasn't nearly enough, and Fred wrapped her arms around Buffy's waist and pulled her away.
"Too much, Anh," Xander said quietly. "Slayer history doesn't matter. What matters is Buffy."
"All you have to do is be reasonable, Buffy." Willow put herself between Buffy and the others. "Spike can behave himself now. Maybe if you let me put something like a chip in your brain, I can-"
"No! No chips!" Buffy struggled in Fred's and Xander's grasp, wrenching free, and Willow was forced to toss a bolt of lightning that encased her feet in ice. It wasn't enough; Buffy dropped to her hands and wrapped her legs around Willow before lifting up and punching her in the gut. Willow began to gag and dry-heave as Buffy kicked her feet against a table to shatter the ice, and...
Tara slapped Buffy in the face. Once on the left. Once on the right. "No more! Stop it, guys, just stop. We can't reason with her." She gritted her teeth. "Just k-kill her and get it over with."
Buffy's eyes went wide as if she'd been punched, not merely slapped...for all of five seconds. Then she began to laugh, softly at first but building to a crescendo. "It's all an act. That's all this is, isn't it? You're still trying to fix me. Well, for what It's worth, I was almost ready to try. And then you just had to go a step too far and bring in Tara. I know you too well,Tara. You couldn't hurt a-"
Tara picked up the Scythe and thrust it in one wobbly motion into Buffy's chest. Buffy's jaw dropped, but she didn't. Tara, sniffling, gave the weapon a twist. "I'm sorry you don't know me as well as you think." Tears rolled down her face, but when Buffy's knees didn't buckle she thrust the Scythe deeper. "C'mon, Will. I can't do this alone."
Buffy began to gasp and wheeze. Black, bloody vapor poured from her mouth. "She's just trying to make another double," Shadow said disappointedly. "Maybe she thinks-"
"Wait for it," Tara whispered.
The black vapor took form slowly, becoming an mirror of Buffy carved from deepest night, even as Buffy's aura flared into the image of a great winged dragon-cat. The spirit-form began to look around contempuously. Then its eyes bulged in horror...and it scattered on the faintest wisp of a breeze.
Buffy crumpled to her knees and began to sob. "Oh god...I'm so sorry, you guys...I...what did I do?"
"You had a moment of weakness," Tara said, sitting down in front of her. "And you can't afford to have another. But you finished what you started. Some help here, guys? It's done."
Anya sat down next to Tara and began to make some sort of complicated passes with her hands. "I hope this teaches you never to use Ebon Dragon powers again."
In spite of the obvious agony in her torn chest, Buffy began to laugh. "You don't see it, Anya. The Ebon Dragon enslaved me and the Ebon Dragon set me free. No. More than that. Sulumor and Cecelyne used his power to control me, and I used his power to free myself. I'm such an idiot. I don't even deserve you guys."
"Nope," Xander said. "But you've got us anyway."
One by one, they all began to laugh.