Author: PreppyPrincess5103

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Summary: Harm. & Mac begin their life together, while both deal with the reality of Harm's decision to resign his commission. Spoiler alert: Mac doesn't handle it very well. (Continuation of It Started in Russia, and Everything is Going to Be Okay)

Notes:

Part Seven

"How do you feel since making your relationship public?" Brenda Daniels had realized after a few of these sessions that it was best to dive right in, since Sarah MacKenzie could be hard to get going. If she waited for her to start, they would likely go the whole hour without speaking. She initially tried to warm her up with small talk, but had learned quickly that she was the queen of monosyllabic answers.

Mac uncrossed and crossed her legs. "I feel good, actually." She took a sip of coffee and smiled. Most of my coworkers haven't even mentioned it since the Christmas party. Only one wants to talk about Harm's sexual prowess every time I see her." Brenda chuckled and Mac grinned. "He's an incredibly good-looking man, so I can't say that I blame her. And I'm not a prude with a problem discussing sex. I just don't want to talk about it with her, and definitely not at work."

Brenda cocked her head to the side and leaned forward. "You put a great deal of importance on what your coworkers think of you, don't you?"

Mac shrugged. "I want to be seen as a capable, professional woman. Is that a bad thing?"

"Absolutely not." Brenda's eyes darted to the wall of framed degrees and then back at her patient. "I think most women in male dominated fields like ours want that. But in your case, it seems like it's more than just coming across as confident."

Mac shrugged again. "After having my dirty laundry aired in public for everyone to see, can you blame me for wanting to come across a certain way?"

"Let's talk about your past. What do your coworkers know that you feel the need to compensate for?"

"Well, I came to JAG Headquarters because my uncle stole the Declaration of Independence." She smirked as Brenda's eyes widened. "Yes, I'm serious. I wasn't brought here because I'm a good lawyer, or because anyone wanted me here. I was brought here to help find my uncle."

"I chaperoned my daughter's field trip to the National Archives last week, so I assume you were able to find him and bring it back."

"Yes."

Brenda nodded and smiled softly. "What else do they know?"

"I married a loser when I was a teenager. I was arrested and tried for his murder last year. During the trial, my affair with a previous commanding officer was made public knowledge."

"Colonel- "

"And while I don't think most of my coworkers know this," Mac continued, "I am an alcoholic, I was raised with by an abusive father, and my mother left on my 15th birthday."

"Colonel- "

Mac stood and walked over the window. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to unload all of that on you."

Brenda shook her head. "Unloading on a therapist can be really healthy." She smiled and gestured at the chair. "Sit, please." She waited for Mac to sit and then glanced at the file in her lap. "Are you a good lawyer?"

She nodded. "Yes."

"Sometimes it's a lot easier to focus on what we see as our shortcomings, and ignore the things we should be proud of." She extended the file to Mac. "Take a look at what I see. There is a lot in that file to be proud of." Mac tentatively took it, and read over her awards and commendations. "The only negative thing I see in that file is that you went to Duke for law school." She laughed as Mac's head jerked up. "I went to Carolina. Duke is a dirty word in my household."

Mac smiled and handed the file back to her. "I know I have a lot to be proud of. It just doesn't seem like any of it is ever enough. I feel like I'm never going to be enough. Sometimes I close my eyes and I'm the scared child again, cowering in the corner while her father hits her mother. Sometimes I smell peanut butter and I think of the hundreds of peanut butter sandwiches I ate growing up, because there were times that's all we could afford."

"Have you ever talked about this to Harm? Or any of your other friends?"

She shook her head. "It's hard. They wouldn't understand. I have two close girlfriends – Harriet & Maddie. Harriet grew up in a tight-knit, wealthy family. Her mother is a little overbearing, but they love each other. And Maddie was comfortably middle class. They weren't wealthy, but her parents are wonderful. Harm's father went MIA in Vietnam when he was young, so he's got plenty of his own sad stories. But he also had a mother and grandmother who adored him, and eventually a wealthy stepfather who thinks of him as his own son. Harm knows I had a rough childhood, but it's hard to talk about exactly how rough to someone who has a large trust fund and has never known what it's like to go to bed hungry."

Brenda leaned closer and placed her hands on top of Mac's. "I'm going to stop being your therapist for a minute and speak as another woman. Okay?" Mac nodded, and Brenda squeezed her hands before letting go. "You had a terrible childhood. No one can ever argue that. But you've built a wonderful life for yourself. And that's something that could be inspirational to a lot of people. It's easy to be successful when you come from a loving home, have supportive parents, go to the best schools… It's harder when you come from nothing. I know you mentioned a young girl named Chloe and a big sister program. Maybe it's time for you to get involved in something like that again."

Mac raised her eyebrows as she unlocked her apartment door. Laughter and voices were coming from inside, and she peeked around the door before pushing it all the way open. Maddie spotted her instantly and rushed to her, throwing her arms around her before the keys were out of the door. Mac glanced at Ben and Harm over Maddie's shoulder. "Hi… It's good to see you too." Maddie stepped back and allowed Mac inside. "What's going on?" Harm shrugged, but grinned.

Maddie looked at Ben, and he nodded. "We're getting married!"

Mac's eyes widened, and she grabbed her friend's left hand, and then pulled her close for another hug. "I am so, so happy for you."

Maddie smiled brightly, and accepted a hug from Harm before turning back to Mac. "Other than our parents, I wanted you to be the first to know. Will you be my maid of honor?"

"Oh my god, yes! Of course!" She reached for Maddie's hand. "Let me see the ring again! Oh, it's beautiful."

"Thank you." Maddie watched as Mac gave Ben a hug, and kissed his cheek. "We're heading out tomorrow to see my family for Christmas and then we'll be with Ben's for New Years, so I was really hoping you two would come celebrate with us tonight."

"Absolutely," Harm and Mac said in unison, and then grinned at each other.

"I'll go change out of this uniform," she said, gesturing to herself. "Where are we going?"

Maddie looked at Ben and smiled. "I made a reservation at the Mediterranean place where this all started."

Mac smiled at the memory of the night. "Sounds good. I'll just be a minute." She hurried to the bedroom and had taken off her top when there was a knock on the door, and then it opened. It was Harm, and when he noticed her state of undress, he quickly came into the room and shut the door behind him. She raised an eyebrow and unzipped her skirt. "May I help you?"

He grinned and moved closer to her. He ran his fingers through her hair and pulled her to him for a kiss. "Are you okay to go out? I know you sometimes feel a little emotionally drained after a therapy session."

She nodded. "I'm tired, but I feel good. I feel lighter. It was a good session."

"Maybe you'll tell me about it someday?"

She bit her lip and then slowly nodded. "I will. I promise."

He beamed and kissed her again. "Thank you. I guess I'll let you get dressed." She tossed her skirt at him, and he laughed as he left the room.

She shimmied into a pair of dark jeans, and pulled on a red silk blouse and a black blazer. She sat down on Harm's side of the bed to put on her gray suede booties and her eyes fell on the nightstand. She glanced at the door, and then scooted to the head of the bed and tentatively pulled open the drawer. The faded green velvet ring box sat in the corner of the drawer, and her fingers itched to open it and see the ring again. She took a deep breath and then clenched her hands into fists until the urge passed, and then pushed the drawer shut.

"I have never seen anyone ask for a phone number as confidently as she asked for his." Mac grinned at them, as they took turns telling Harm about the evening Maddie and Ben met.

Mattie placed her hand on top of Ben's and smiled. "I knew what I wanted, and I went after it."

Ben glanced at Harm. "I'd just like to file an official complaint that Harm didn't introduce us earlier."

Harm rolled his eyes, and then grinned. "I actually planned on it, I was just waiting until you were finished working your way through the female population at Georgetown." Ben blushed, and Maddie smirked. "Besides, right before I left Maddie was pretty uncomfortable around me. I wasn't sure if she'd want to go with a friend of mine."

"I probably wouldn't have." It was Maddie's turn to blush. "I am sorry for being so rude to you when you and Mac first got together."

He waved her off. "Don't worry about it for a second. You love Mac, and were protecting her."

Ben looked between the three of them and frowned. "Do I want to know what you guys are talking about?"

"No." Harm, Mac, and Maddie said the single word in unison, and then shared a smile.

Mac took a bite of the scallop on her place and then glanced up at Maddie. "So, have you given any thought to the wedding yet?"

Maddie nodded. "I have. Personally, I want to elope. I'm not the big wedding type. But both of our mothers are insisting, and I can already tell it's going to be a nightmare." She took a sip of her champagne and then reached for her purse. She rifled around for a minute and pulled out a folded sheet of copy paper and handed it to Mac. "This is the dress she thinks would suit me."

Mac tried to keep a straight face as she studied it. "Well that's something…"

"It's something horrible." Maddie took the paper back, before Harm could peer over her shoulder and see it.

Mac shrugged and ate the rest of the scallop. "Ignore her. It's your wedding. If you're giving them that, you should at least have control over the aesthetic of the whole thing."

"I know, I know." Maddie speared a piece of asparagus and toyed with it. "She just keeps reminding me that I'm her only daughter and she's dreamed of this day for a very long time." She sat her fork down and sighed. "I know she means well, but you know how mothers can be."

"I don't know, actually."

Harm put his hand on her knee, and gave it a gentle squeeze, while the color drained from Maddie's face.

"Mac, I'm so sor-"

Mac waved her off. "Don't worry about it. I didn't mean to say that, it just slipped out." She blushed and placed her hand on Harm's. "I've been seeing a therapist to work through a few things. We discussed my family today, and I guess it's still on my mind." She placed her other hand on Maddie's forearm and smiled. "Listen. It's your day. Listen to her input, but ultimately you need to do what you want."

"I know. Maybe when we're back from all of the holiday traveling we could go look at dresses and see what kind of look I want. Because I have no idea."

"Absolutely." Mac cocked her head to the side and smiled. "Personally, I see you in something form fitting, but covered in lace. Strapless, or at least sleeveless, to show off your arms. And a flower in your hair, instead of a veil." The other three looked at her curiously, and she shrugged. "What? I love weddings."

Maddie's eyes went to Mac's left hand and then back to her face. "So, when are the two of you going to take the next step?"

Mac looked at him and smiled. He draped his arm over her shoulders, and leaned closer to kiss her temple. "We're working on it," she said.

Christmas Eve

Harm unlocked the door and walked into Mac's apartment in a daze. He was wishing more than he had ever wished for anything that they would have left for their trip this morning like they had originally talked about. But the only flight they could get to Bora Bora had been the morning of the 25th, so he went to the Wall at his normal time. He was also wishing he had accepted Mac's offer to come with him. She had offered to go to the Wall with him, but hadn't been offended when he told her he wanted to talk to his dad alone.

He dropped his keys on the table and stood unmoving. Mac poked her head out from the bedroom and smiled. "Hey handsome." She emerged from the bedroom and walked to him. "You may not believe this, but I am almost done packing." She reached him, and placed her hands on his chest, and her smile faded. "Harm? What's wrong?"

He shook his head and walked away from her. He stepped into the kitchen and frowned. He shouldn't have come here. He should have gone to his own apartment, where a bottle of bourbon was collecting dust, and there were cold beers in the fridge.

She followed him and placed her hand on his back. "Sweetheart, what's the matter?" He didn't turn around, so she moved to face him. She tilted his face up and brushed her fingers over his cheek. The simple gesture was his undoing, and he buried his face in his hands and began to cry. She bit her lip, fighting back her own tears, and was transported to a night in Russia over a year and a half earlier. "Hey." Her voice was a whisper and she gently lifted his face. He let his hands fall to his side, and she moved closer and wrapped her arms around him. He buried his face in her neck, and continued to cry. She ran her fingers over his back, making an effort to soothe him.

After a minute he pulled back, and used the heel of a hand to wipe his face. "I'm sorry about that."

Mac shook her head. "Don't ever apologize for that. Come here." She took his hand and lead him to the sofa. "Harm, what happened?"

"Do you know who Jenny Lake is?"

For the next twenty minutes she sat next to him, and listened to his story. "I just can't believe it, Mac. I can't believe it. I spent so many years angry at my mom for having the audacity to move on. And now I learn my dad was kissing another woman. A woman who was emotionally distraught. God, do you think he took advantage of her?"

She bit her lip, and shook her head. "No, I don't."

He glanced at her and frowned. "What?"

"What?"

"You want to say something. I can see it all over your face."

She took a deep breath. "Harm, we both know from personal experience that sometimes making a physical connection with another person helps with being emotionally distraught."

He shot up and stared at her, his mouth open in shock. "Are you kidding me? You're comparing what happened with us in Russia to a married man kissing a fragile woman?"

"No, of course not." She jumped up and wrapped her hands around his wrists. "No. I'm telling you that I don't think he took advantage of her. Maybe he kissed her to show her that she was still alive. Maybe he was missing his wife and child, and didn't know if he'd ever see them again. Maybe he got caught up in the fact that even if he was in the middle of a war, it was still Christmas." She felt him relax and let go of his wrists. "It was a different era, Harm. You can't let one moment of his life erase everything good about him. He loved you and your mother Harm. This doesn't change that, or change who he is to you."

"I would never do that to you." His voice came out as a hoarse whisper, and she cocked her head to the side. He saw the question in her eyes and cleared his throat. "I know it's a moot point, since I won't deploy ever again, but I would never do that to you."

"I know that." Her voice was gentle, and she placed a hand on his chest. "Is this about what happened with us when you were with Jordan?"

He shrugged. "Maybe a little. I was willing to do a lot more than kiss you while my girlfriend was one room away." Mac blushed and he looked away. "I'm sorry to have put you in that position, but I need you to know that I would never do that to you."

"Sweetheart, I was a very willing participant that night." She wrapped her arms around him and lay her head on his chest. "But I do know. Forgive your dad, Harm. And forgive yourself."

Harm kissed the top of her head, and tightened his arms around her. "I love you."

"I love you too."

End Part 7