They day after is so normal.

That's what throws Ella the most. In the morning, she came harder than she had in months, and then they were just Ella and Michael again. They got lunch and Michael bitched about how his coupon he found was expired and couldn't a week late count anyway. Then, they got on the road and she drove because Michael was not allowed to grind poor Baby's gears for a fourth time in a handful of days. But on the road, they're still them. They laugh and ramble and definitely fight over the music selection. She loves Sinatra as much as the next music nerd but eventually she vetoes for some hot 100 stations and Michael bitches long and loudly that such "crap" doesn't count as music.

Probably a good thing she didn't change it to some EDM favoring station.

So, okay, in a way, he is still a bit like a journey with her late abuelito, but she thought after the last day and all their declarations, that with his fingers inside her, driving her mad, that this part would change. That it might feel strained or like they had to be more mature or dewy or something. But they're who they've always been to each other, and it's easy and, okay, sometimes he's annoying, but she doesn't have to hide with him.

He knows about all the bad shit that's happened to her, and he neither sees a crazy person nor the peppy, happy only Ella, who exists as a cheerlead for everyone else's stories. Somehow, Michael sees all of her, and they're just the same bickering, bantering friends they were before. Except for the fact she can't wait for tonight and after he shows her whatever has him so keyed up. Then, she hopes to make him scream as loudly as he did for her this morning.

It is not a surprise when they pull up to the Grand Canyon. After all, he hadn't told her in so many words to go there, but he kept consulting the map (see abuelito) and pointing to off ramp and signs that, eventually, all advertised it. For her part, Ella is excited. She's never been. Heard about it, sure, but never seen it.

Once they pull over, Michael gets out of the car first. He goes to the other side of the car and gives the cheesiest bow as he opens her side. Okay, so that's new. Michael is, apparently, a romantic in some ways, and while that does not extend to spending with even normal abandon (he was very adamant about that coupon thing), it does to the little things: the door he opens, the way he takes her arm in his own, and the looks he gives her.

Oh, Ella had noticed them at least as early as Vegas, the sneaky side eye. Sometimes just staring at her for a beat too long. The sighs and the way he'd duck his head away and bark a "Scraps, come on" at her to hide his preoccupation with him.

But now he has no shame in it, and it's overwhelming. It's trippy and wonderful. Partly it's because he's an archangel. She has seen so much of his power, watched him swoop in even wingless like the general he was and save her, felt the power rippling from him so fiercely it made walls shake. There is something incredible in realizing that not just any archangel but the Sword, himself, is besotted with her. And, yeah, novitiate her would definitely think she'd gone full and utter bonkers by now.

But it's not…

Yes, there is the literal awe because this being she cannot quite comprehend finds her the most interesting sight he's ever seen, but there is also the genuine joy that it's Michael, surly as he is, who adores her.

Ella has either just avoided relationships or leapt head first into bed. Usually, it was more that she never thought much about relationships and if she needed an itch scratched, that was it. A bad boy to pass her time. Occasionally, a tempting woman to warm her bed and help her stop seeing things for the night or the week. But this is different.

She's trying.

And the last time she tried, Pete broke her.

But it was never as comfortable then, never as easy. And it has to be a trick that even though she's only known him a couple weeks, Ella feels like they're so much closer. Maybe that's what a quest for vengeance gets you. Or maybe they've seen each other at their lowest. Hell, Michael just saw her waking up, gasping in fear and confusion from those exorcism memories, and she…

…has felt his shame.

And Ella regrets early on coining the term "fear vampire." It is an accurate description for what Michael does, what he has to do to stop his pains, but it isn't fair. And she knows he can't stand what's happened to him, that so much is awkward and hard and downright painful. But it doesn't matter to her.

She just wishes she could make him better, but Ella has no such powers.

In this weird cosmic world she's been thrust into, she's just the mortal. So, she holds his hand tighter and lets him lead her first through the line and it must be a miracle because he doesn't bulk at the price of the suggested park donation or even bitch about the other people in line before them. They come eventually to an outcropping, and Michael has schemed to take her somewhere private enough to spread out a blanket on some boulders.

As she settles next to him, it does not escape her notice that Michael timed all of this. The sun is setting overhead, well starting to so it's not cold yet, but as it starts its descent over the width of the canyon, the sky around bleeds into pink and gold, making cotton candy out of the clouds around them.

It's beautiful.

And Ella tears up a bit, feeling small.

Michael frowns and wraps an arm around her, pulling him close against his good side and up against his soft curves. "Scraps? Shit, did I mess up?"

She shakes her head. "You see it on TV and stuff, but it's huge!"

Michael nods. "I guess it has to feel that way. I…Dad didn't say to make this, but He didn't say not to either. We'd just made so many stretches of desert out here and I had this idea…woke up one morning and I could just see the view, what a vista this could make. It took a few hours and, I won't lie, a few tries to get Sam to understand." Michael used his free hand to push his hair back from his face. "But it was beautiful to us even then, even with all the stars and worlds and animals we'd made between us. I haven't come here since the Rebellion. I didn't come to earth much either way, but this was…it felt like a time when Samael and I got it right, like we were so in sync then that we could read each other's minds."

"But it reminds you of him?" she asks, well aware that as much as Michael will say about the Devil, it's clear they hate each other bitterly.

"It does, but it's beautiful and so are you." And Michael ducks his head, his curtain of curly hair falling over his face.

She reaches out and strokes his right cheek. "I never thought someone would say the Grand Canyon and I had things in common."

"Nah, this place is nothing compared to you, Lopez."

She laughs and kisses him. It lasts a while. A family nearby…well, the mother gets offended a bit, whines about the children, and Ella's gratified they and their fanny packs go anywhere else. By the time she comes back for air and regards her handiwork with Michael's kiss swollen lips, it's just them again.

"I don't think that's true."

Michael shrugs. "I've seen all the universe. I can say definitively you're the best thing Father made."

"You're biased."

He shrugs and kisses her throat, sucking hard enough again to add to her mordiscos and she's going to be all hickeys, all the time from now on.

"I might be, but can you blame a guy?"

She smiles and then settles back against his shoulder. "Thank you. I've never seen it. I…I haven't seen a lot of things."

"Well, you know a fuck ton more about human pop culture than I ever will, so we can trade, chica."

She sighs contentedly and waits a beat before speaking again, watching now as the hints of midnight blue and dark azure creep into the sky. "What's it like?"

"To have an annoying twin brother? Shitty."

She elbows him playfully in the ribs. Ella would have more luck beating a city bus into submission barehanded than she does of injuring him. "No, I mean to Create so much."

"I hadn't done it in billions of years." He admits. "I almost forgot how it worked."

She sits up then, hearing what he hasn't quite said. Ella shifts against his body and the blankets and even her own purse so she can get a real good look in his eyes. "Almost?"

Michael sighs and looks only at the canyon. "That's why we have to go to Georgia. The hot mess warlock there…Constantine…he doesn't like me much, but he gets on better with me than my asshole brother Gabriel. I think maybe better than he does with Sam, not sure, but he'll barter for enough money or favor. I just…it's not just my fear that's fucking up, Scrappy, and I don't know what that means."

Ella narrows her eyes at him. "I haven't seen you make anything."

Michael nods. "I haven't yet. I just…my Fear has been so messed up, and Azrael suggested I just make sure if Creation's even still there. I meant it: Sam and I are supposed to be a package deal. He shaped the matter, I just made it. Without his Will, I can make matter, the very basics of stars and dogs and pine cones, whatever, but it's just matter. It just sits."

"Right and?"

"Well, I figured if Sam was banished, then Father had to have stripped us both. You can't leave your biggest traitor with half the Demiurge and Creation alone is…I'm pointless."

Her heart clenches again painfully. She wants to ring everyone's necks from his father to fucking Lilith to the Devil himself. Hell. She's not even sure if you can counteract billions of years of bullying and cowardice and cruelty, but Ella wants to try. He sees so little in himself that it breaks her every time.

"Corazón, you're not pointless."

Michael looks at her and her eyes go wide as his left hand grows bright blue, like the hottest of flames. As she watches, a small, incandescent lump-almost like heated mercury-sits in his hand. "I can Create. I haven't tried since Sam Fell, but I just…I felt how scared you were with your exorcism memory and it just happened. I tried to make it happen first in the field, but my own Fear powers fed into it and it was like a chain reaction. While you were busy last pit stop, I tested to see if I could do it without being scared shitless for you first."

"Holy crap."

He nods and the light goes out. The matter sits in his hand until he lets it dribble to the ground. It's viscous like oil and stains the ground like a rainbow in its patterns. "This isn't…I just need to see Constantine. He's not trained or studied in the traditional way, but he picks up bit of lore everywhere by teaching himself. It's probably better. I just know that my Fear and now my Creation…it's all going crazy without my wings."

He finishes that last part in a rushed whisper, and Ella nods and then hugs him close.

"We'll figure it out. I…but if you can Create that's a good thing, right?"

"Make random sparks of matter, maybe. It's still pointless. Sam was the real powerhouse there. I'm just the fuel, or more like raw clay to be shaped." Michael shrugs, and his voice is flat. "Maybe that's the truth of it, you know? I'm the object; I get acted on. First Father needed a Creation, then a Sword, and the last time, a Scale for balance. I…now He doesn't need me at all." He sighs into her embrace. "Now I'm just broken down parts, not working the way they're supposed to because He's dismissed me."

"What did you do?"

Michael stiffens in her grip. "I…"

"Michael, please, we made the rules when you and I were just friends. We're more, and I trust you with my life and my soul, so can't you do the same?"

Michael pulls away but doesn't storm off or crack a joke. Instead, he regards her with wide eyes and a stiff spine. "I came to hurt Sam. I hurt his girlfriend."

"Whoa, so Diablo has kind of some real stuff going on there. Thought the Devil would be more orgies and parties, not gonna lie."

"He was, but…like I said, Dad gave him a present. And I just…it was like everyone forgot what we lost and who we lost in the war. So, yeah, I came down here and threw a tantrum. I tried to just ruin his time here, but that wasn't as…"

He looks away then, and even in the dim light, Ella can catch the blush working its way up his cheeks.

"Corazón, what did you do?"

"I didn't, you know. I…she figured it out…but does it make a difference if I wanted to? If I schemed and plotted and tried to do it?"

She hesitates, waiting for him to speak. Michael says that angels can't kill, and she believes that. He'd have surely leveled Pete if he were allowed to. "Michael?"

He regards her fully and sighs. "I tried to get her to sleep with me. Like I said, we're identical twins or were and I thought she wouldn't know. Fuck, I thought she liked me better even, and I…but she realized and shot me down."

She gapes at him, trying to process all he's said. Because if he'd been pretending to be his brother at the time and the girl-this Miracle God had made-hadn't know the difference…Well, Michael thought it. It meant he'd meant to-

Ella brings a hand to her chest and she can feel it all over again, even now that she knows Pete's a broken mess. She is back in that damn house and the lilies are in her nose and she's being choked and-

She jumps when Michael touches her arm.

"Don't."

"It didn't happen. I…it was a mistake to ever plan that, to try and hurt her. She was smarter and more resourceful, but no, it doesn't change that I tried. That, yeah, at the time I'd have wanted it to go that way."

"Say it."

"Huh?"

"Dime," she says, her voice rough and it still felt like Pete's hands were around her neck. "Call what you wanted to do what it is, Mike."

"Ella-"

"You were gonna sleep with her if she'd let you, keep playing up the false pretenses, and then just let it keep going. If you don't know who you're sleeping with, it's rape. It's like me and Pete. I think he's some harmless fellow Star Trek fan, and he's a murderer. She thinks you're Samael, and you're not."

Michael nods slowly and stands. It's been a few days since Pete, and Michael's been cramped in a car and had so much to do this morning. His right shoulder is hitched by now, and he hunches oddly to compensate. Even in the rapidly fading light, she can see how shiny his eyes are.

"It was wrong. You're right. I was furious and petty and jealous and I almost raped a Miracle. That's what I wanted to do, and if she had been more gullible…I would have. Father was right to do as He did."

She's still reeling but she shakes her head. Somehow, despite this new revelation about him, even Ella can't sign off on that. She hops to her feet too and even if she is reeling with memories of Pete, she takes Michael's hands. Goosebumps riot over her flesh as she does it, and it is hard loving Fear. She can't lie about that. He cannot comfort her the same way someone else would, but that's not what she wants now.

"No."

"You heard me? I'm as bad as anyone we've spent our road trip hunting down. Maybe worse because she is special, and Dad doesn't just make Miracles often. I…I'm sorry, Scraps. You deserve a better angel."

He almost drops his hands then and there but she clutches them tighter, scared that he'll just part ways with her here and now and go on with his life. And despite everything, she can't allow that. They will work through it. Damn it they will.

"It's what you wanted, but it didn't happen, right?"

"I swear to you it didn't."

"And you regret it?"

"Every damn day, and not because of what Father made of me, but because I've seen it now. I've been there. The human men…the way they are to me before I turn the tables and…" he hesitates but finally spits the next word out, "before I feed on them. Yeah, they can't harm me, but it's disgusting and violating, and I was trying something more sophisticated and similar to her. I…sometimes I think I'm female because I tried to hurt the Miracle, that Father wanted me to understand." He shrugs but only one side responds. "I don't know, but I would never. Not ever again, and if I ever saw her again, I'd beg for forgiveness. I swear it."

She nods and clutches his hands so tight that if he were human, Michael would have complained by then. "I believe that. I think you are sorry, Mike. I just…we'll figure it out."

"Scrappy, you know I'm a monster and-"

"And you pulled me off a man before I kicked him to death. I…we're really fucking messed up."

Michael laughs, and it's a shrill noise, but it's still a laugh and that counts for something. He pulls his hands away and she's scared he'll leave, put on that speed of his and just vanish in his shame, but instead, he pulls her close to his chest. In a way, their height difference kind of benefits her because despite all the drama, Ella finds herself buried nose deep into his chest.

"Mrumph," she says.

He laughs again and loosens his grip enough to let her up for air. "We are messed up. I…you deserve the best of the Host, the brightest angel, and not whatever the fuck I am now."

"And you probably need a woman who isn't crazy and can't sleep for years of bad memories she's tried never to think about. Exorcisms and ghosts who were never there and so many locuras."

He strokes her back as he holds her. "You didn't deserve that. I am so sorry Rae Rae fucked up."

"Me too. I…you don't deserve this either. Yeah, you probably needed a time out or a probation, but this…it's cruel Michael. Your dad changed everything about you, and now you're not in equilibrium. You're hurting and your powers…they might hurt others too. Yeah, get a punishment. Or okay Old Testament Big Guy all the wrath-"

"You have no idea."

Ella thinks she's beginning to get a very good idea.

"…but the point is He could have banished you or maybe even, okay, made you a female for a set time frame as a cool off. This? He just pulled the rug out from under you, and you'll never know if you can be you again. And the wings-He never should have taken them."

Michael nods and shudders beside her. "Maybe Will could deal without wings, but I…Fear should have it, should have a focus. I don't have that and I…I don't know what to do."

She pulls back and kisses his cheek softly. "We go to Georgia and figure it all out. I…I'm not going anywhere. I'm shocked, and I need time, but I…your Father went too far, especially since the Miracle lady's safe. I…you're suffering all the time, Mike, and you haven't earned that. You just haven't."

"Monsters-"

"You're not."

"Fear Vampire right?" he adds, stepping away from her, and she misses the warmth of him instantly. "You've seen me at my worst. Fuck, you've felt it. Maybe this is what I've earned fair and square, all that's truly left of the Sword. Just a far blunter weapon now."

She tears up to hear it but just as quickly wipes her face. Michael won't respond well to it; it'll just make his guilt spiral and him pull away harder. Ella knows that much about him by now.

"You're more than an object, Michael, more than a tool."

"Maybe that was all I was ever supposed to be. Maybe for all the angels, but especially me. Father made me so specifically honed to my purpose that even the rest of my siblings fear me." He sighs and steps around her. "And I ruined our second date. I…I'm sorry."

"You didn't. I'm so glad you trusted me, and that you talked about what really happened. We can be friends with walls, corazón, but it doesn't work with lovers."

He nods and picks up her bag quickly. Then, Michael curses in shock and drops it. "Fuck! What do you have in here?"

She rushes to him and sees how his left hand is welling up from a sharp cut in the palm. "Oh my gosh. I'm sorry! I had Pete's weird blade in there. Figured if it really could hurt you, then it could hurt anything super bad. I mean angels are out there so why not demons coming here or worse stuff, right?"

Michael hisses under his breath and then stops.

They both stop.

The bright white-blue light comes from his hands and it's so brilliant that she has to look away, like staring at an eclipse.

"Michael, don't."

His voice shakes when he answers. "I'm not trying."

She doesn't know what to do, but maybe staunching will help?

Maybe?

Fuck she's a scientist, but angelic biology is so so far beyond her. Yanking off her sweatshirt, she shoves it at Michael's general direction. "Try and get it to stop. I'm so sorry I didn't tell you!"

"Scraps, it's fine. I…what the Hell?"

The light dies down, and she feels now after flashes through her eyelids. Cautiously, Ella opens her eyes and sees that Michael has wrapped the cloth tightly around his hand, and for now, his powers are no longer flowing through his blood.

But he is slack jawed and staring at a small, lavender lump at his feet.

"Michael, what even-" she starts before gaping as the fuzzy lump moves. Soon enough, staring back at them is a light purple chinchilla. Well, she thinks it's a chinchilla, mostly. Its tail is easily two feet long though and it has three ears, which twitch out of sync back at her. "Did you make him?"

Michael is still gaping at him. "No…I…I just make matter. Even Dad can't do both. He had Mom for matter. Creation and Will as a package is a deity thing, and I'm not."

The little chinchilla wriggles his nose between them and apparently deciding he'll have better luck with her, waddles to her and stands up enough to put his two front paws on her jeans-clad shin. It shocks her more by giving out a call, a bit like an angry goose, more a squawk than a squeak.

"Oh, you're scared, aren't you?" she asks, picking up the little guy. He melts into her arms and the startled barking turns into contented chirps. The little, (and okay) weird chinchilla nuzzles the side of her arm. "Awww, don't worry, we'll take care of you."

Michael gapes at her, sweatshirt wrapped tight around his arm. "Scraps, that's a mistake. I…it shouldn't exist."

She shrugs and strokes his fur. "You didn't mean to make him, but you did. And we can't just leave him here. He can't fend for himself."

"That's not a…mouse?"

"I think a chinchilla, mostly?" She says, patting each of his three ears. "He's not dangerous."

"You don't know that! I have never made anything solo. It could have fangs or have venom spokes or, who the fuck knows, maybe it's radioactive."

"I am pretty sure you didn't nuke me via rodent, Mikey."

He pinches the bridge of his nose and sighs. "I…fine, but if he mauls you tonight, I told you so."

"Great, Pepe is going to be a great addition to the road trip."

"Don't name him. Then, you'll get attached."

"I am attached. Michael, think about it, this is your first solo Creation. He's cute and you have a responsibility-"

Michael groans and this time careful picks her purse up by the strap only. The dagger Pete bought at auction is still inside it, and she can see the glint of metal in the last of the light, though the tip has definitely ripped through the bottom of the purse. "Yeah, well, Scrappy Doo, I come from a great example of absentee parenting."

"But you're better than He is, Michael. So, now it's a trio-me and you and Pepe."

"I hate my life," he mutters, striding past her and back to Baby.

Ella nudges Pepe till he's sitting on her shoulder, then she takes a few quick steps until she's keeping pace with him. Snaking her arm through his bad one, she offers him a small smile. "Michael, I'm not going anywhere. Gonna take a few days to…to wrap my head around your punishment, but I see who you are now and how hard you try…how many women you've saved."

"It doesn't make what I did right."

"No, but it shows me that you're not that guy anymore and I don't just mean literally."

Michael nodded. "But I don't…I don't know what I am because I shouldn't be able to make life alone. My blood can't do that," he says, gesturing vaguely to her opposite shoulder where Pepe has perched happily. "Or…it couldn't."

She nods and kisses his cheek, getting on tip toe to do it. "We will figure this out. We keep gambling to make our nest egg, get to Georgia, and we will find out what's happening to you, I promise."

"You can't know-"

"Mike, I rock some research. I can help you, okay?"

He stops once they reach Baby and leans against the hood. "I don't know what I did to deserve you."

She offers him a crooked smile. "You saved me, Mike."

On her shoulder Pepe chirps.

"And now you made us a friend, so let's keep moving, Corazón, but Pepe gets shot gun now."

"The fuck he does."

She laughs as she gets in the car and Pepe settles in the bench seat between them both. His two foot long tails snakes around as Michael takes the passenger seat and wraps around Michael's wrist. Pepe looks up at him and chitters happily.

"Um, okay so that happened. You upgraded the chinchilla."

"I think that's doubtful."

Ella smiles perkily as she starts the engine. "Hey, look on the bright side, now we have our own guard chinchilla, right?"

"Yeah, sure, that's exactly what we needed."

She offers him one more smile, but he is staring out the window, clearly bothered by this newest hiccup in his faltering powers. "Okay, well, what do you want to hear on the radio."

"You know, Scraps."

"Old people boogie it is," she jokes, turning to a station belting out '40s standards, things that her abuelito used to listen to on actual vinyl because it sounded better or something.

Michael doesn't say anything but nods toward her before staring out the window again.

Ella pulls off into the night, captain of a very motley crew. They barely get to Tusayan before one last surprise hits them both.

Michael looks away from the night, now black as pitch and curses at Pepe. "He glows in the dark."

She can't help but laugh at all of this. Here she is, Ella Lopez, mere mortal, on a road trip with the very battered Prince of Heaven (and not cool Big Guy, not cool at all) and a glow-in-the-dark mostly chinchilla.

No, correction, a bright lavender chinchilla.

"Okay so it's a little weird."

"Scrappy, this is batshit, even for me."

"Yeah but," she reaches out and takes his closest hand in hers, "this is us, Michael, and somehow it just fits."