Her head throbbed when she came to. For some reason she didn't want to open her eyes just yet. It was as if she were afraid of what she would find once she dared look at her surroundings…
She could tell she was lying on top of something soft, yet she had no idea what it was. It took her a second to realize that whatever lay underneath her was breathing weakly, yet she didn't assimilate what it meant. Her entire body ached, but her right hand hurt most of all. What had happened to her…? And why did she feel like she would be better off without knowing the answer to that question?
The sounds around her were most unusual. She could hear a mild breeze blowing through the nearby trees, and the scent filling her nostrils was that of soil. Her left hand stretched out towards the ground, beyond her breathing cushion, and she touched earth and grass.
She couldn't keep shying away from reality anymore. It didn't matter if it was easier to keep her eyes closed, she had to open them and assess the situation. Lifting her eyelids was harder than she expected it to be, and her unfocused eyes struggled to discern the shapes of the trees around her… why did it look like she was in the middle of a jungle? What on earth had happened to her? Where was she?
She tried to push herself up, but jolts of pain ran through her right arm when she made the slightest effort. She cringed before looking at what lay underneath her. Her eyes opened wide, even if they were still unfocused, when she realized the breathing cushion had been none other than Sokka.
His face was emblazoned with cuts and most his hair had fallen off his wolf tail. Azula looked down at his torso, and she saw several rips on his churned clothing. Burns, bruises and scrapes covered his skin. He was unconscious, just as she had been just a moment ago… and his arms were surrounding her body, embracing her tightly even when he was knocked out.
Azula stared at him in horror, panic taking over her. She had to remind herself that he was breathing, that he wasn't dead… but even that wasn't enough to reassure her. They were stranded in a forest, she had no idea how they had gotten there… and she definitely couldn't carry Sokka's limp body when she was feeling as badly as she did. There was only one thing she could do as it was…
She shook his shoulder with her unharmed hand, softly at first, more brusquely later.
"Sokka… Sokka," she called him, her voice unusually raspy. "Wake… wake up, Sokka… Sokka… Sokka!"
Sokka's brow contracted as he started to return to consciousness. Azula continued calling out his name, not knowing what else to do. The gladiator cringed, her weight on his wounds increasing the pain his body had to bear. He opened his eyes slowly, having a hard time to comprehend that what spread above them were the tops of trees, in perfect contrast against the blue sky.
He was sprawled on top of something that was prodding at his back… and there was someone lying atop him as well. He gazed down at her, her golden eyes the first thing he saw. The concern spread over her beautiful face was mesmerizing until the gears of his mind began working anew and he realized why she seemed so worried.
He looked around him, noticing they were in the midst of wild vegetation. How had they ended up here, and where was 'here', for starters…?
He groaned and let go of Azula, only realizing that he had been holding her after releasing her from his grip.
"Sokka…?" she asked when he started moving.
"H-hey…" he muttered, using his arms to hoist them both to a sitting position. "You alright…? Anything… hurts?"
"Everything…" muttered Azula, starting to feel relieved to see he was able to speak and move on his own accord.
"That makes… two of us…" said Sokka, smiling slightly. "What… what happened?"
"It's what I'd like to know," Azula replied, looking around her worriedly. "Where the hell are we?"
Sokka frowned and imitated her, gazing around himself to figure things out. Upon looking at the ground he found that what had been poking his back had been broken branches. He stared at the top of the trees above them, only noticing now that they seemed to have been shattered by something that had collapsed through the trees… and that something had been, without a doubt, him and Azula.
"We… fell," said Sokka. "We fell from above. Down from… from the mountainside."
Azula frowned at his words, slightly confused for a moment… until her mind started to put the pieces of the puzzle together. The mountainside, the slope… the Rough Rhinos. She had almost gotten rammed by one of the komodo rhinos… she had fallen down the slope, avoiding getting pierced by those fearsome horns… but how did Sokka get here anyways?
She froze in place as more of the latest happenings returned to her mind. She had decided to chase the rhinos with him… accepted his help. But when they arrived to the brigands' town…
Azula pushed away from him, disengaging their bodies brusquely and glaring at him fiercely. It took Sokka a moment to realize why she suddenly seemed so upset. The cuts and bruises on his body were no fault of hers, but the burns on his chest and abdomen… Azula had been the one to place them there. And given the way she was glaring at him, she didn't regret it one bit.
"Azula…" he said, stretching a hand towards her.
"Get away from me…" she said, her golden eyes blazing. "Stay the hell away from me, Sokka…"
"Azula, don't… please, listen…"
"I don't want to hear anything you have to say! It's not going to make a damn difference!" she shouted, bolting up to her feet and attempting to storm away… but where to? No matter how badly she wished to put endless distance between them, she had no idea where to go while in this forest…
"Azula…" said Sokka, struggling to get up. "Please, there's no point in starting with this right now…"
"Oh, of course there's not," she replied, rolling her eyes. "You're the worst lowlife I've ever seen. You… you're disgusting."
"Yeah… I am," said Sokka, using a tree to support his weight. "But we… we have to get out of here somehow, and… and fighting about the past isn't going to help us do it."
"We do have to get out of here somehow," grunted Azula. "But unlike you, scum, I can get myself out of this damned forest just fine."
"Oh, really…?" asked Sokka, growing irritated. "How?"
"Flying," Azula replied, making him raise an eyebrow.
"Flying? So you're an airbender now?"
"I don't need to be one to fly," Azula growled, approaching a nearby vertical, natural wall… the mountainside they had fallen down from. She looked at it intently, realizing it was too steep to climb, and they were both too weak to climb it anyways… but she didn't need to climb anything. She could boost herself into the air with fire, and rid herself of Sokka forevermore.
"So… you're just going to leave me here?" Sokka asked, staring at her in disbelief.
"I doubt you could give me a good reason why I shouldn't," Azula growled back. She had found the Rough Rhinos… she was certain to find them again sooner than later if she flew up to the road once more. There was absolutely no reason why she had to stay in this hellhole with him.
Sokka stared at her, frowning. Azula took a few steps back and balled her hands into fists… or at least, she tried to do it. The injury on her right hand sent arrays of pain up and down her arm, forcing her to interrupt her motions.
Azula winced and gasped, stretching her hand again immediately in an attempt to ease the pain. She couldn't bend like this… she couldn't use her fire to boost herself out of the forest if she only had one hand to do it. She was completely lost, in the middle of a forest, inside a mountain range… with Sokka, of all people.
"Are you alright…?" Sokka asked, approaching the Princess with difficulty.
"Get away from me, I said!" Azula shouted, using her left hand to throw a handful of fire at him.
Sokka evaded the blow and took a step back for safety. He frowned at the sight of her right hand, which was smeared with blood.
"You're hurt," he said. "How did that happen…?"
"Vachir," Azula growled. "He shot an arrow at me… I thought I could burn it, but the tip made it through my fire…"
"Let me look at it…" said Sokka. "I… I don't know much about healing, but I had to take care of myself when I was in Hui Yi, so…"
"You think I'm going to let you look at anything…?" Azula grunted. "Forget it. Get away from me, I said…"
"Azula… stop it," Sokka said, losing his patience. "Don't you realize how dangerous our situation is?"
"You think I don't?!" Azula replied, growing even angrier.
"It sure doesn't seem like it!" said Sokka, glaring at her. "We're lost in the middle of a forest! Nobody is bound to find for us here, because I doubt they'd even guess where we ended up at… and we're miles from the only road we knew. Villages and towns are out there someplace and we might be able to find them… but to do that, we need to survive, first of all."
"And you're saying that to survive we have to stick together?" Azula snarled.
"No… but I'm saying that we have a better chance to survive by working together," Sokka muttered.
"Well, I want nothing to do with you so I suppose we'll have to put up with the ominous odds. Have fun getting out of this forest."
"Azula, do you even know how to survive on your own in this situation?" Sokka asked. "Do you have a clue of how to do it?"
"I can improvise." Azula snapped.
"Well, you don't have to," said Sokka, cringing as his burns pained him again as if his skin was still on fire. "I know you don't want anything to do with me… that much is clear. And I… I don't blame you for it. I've already said so enough times. But I've been in dire circumstances before… and my savagery, as you'd call it, would come in handy to survive here. I know my word is worth nothing to you… but I swear I'll get you out of here even if it's the last thing I do."
"Why?" asked Azula, enraged. "Why do you want to get me out of here? Why do you think you're obligated to act the protector when you've never given a damn about me before?"
"When I've never…?" said Sokka, appalled. "Azula… don't. There's no point to this. We simply have to survive, forget the rest of it…"
"Why should I trust you to be able to get us out of this forest?" Azula grunted.
"Do you really have a choice but to trust me?" Sokka asked. "Is there a better alternative out there somewhere for you?"
Azula gritted her teeth and looked away from him. Of course there wasn't… but her survival didn't seem to matter all that much when she weighed it against the extent of his betrayal. Why, though…? Why was it a betrayal, when they had been nothing? Why did it hurt so much that he had gotten involved with two other women…? Well… she didn't even have to ask, in June's case. Sokka would have been too honorable or too foolish to refuse her, and it seemed he was neither. It hurt so much to know he had been with a woman like June; her beauty had a dark, mysterious quality that Azula doubted existed in her. It made her chest burn… because Sokka had no problem bedding that woman in one night, but when it had come to the Princess he had done nothing but goof around, toss her back and forth until she was completely smitten with him… and then he had ran off with other women who could provide him with what she couldn't. It hurt… it hurt more than her wounded hand, more than the bruises and scrapes she had gotten after falling down the slope…
"I mean it, Azula… I'll get us out of here somehow," he said. "You can… you can kill me after I've gotten you out of the forest if you want, burn me to cinders if that'll make you happy… I don't care. But you need me to survive this madness. At least… let me help you this time. Take advantage of my help… then do as you see fit."
"So… you're saying you don't care if I kill you," Azula said, her body shivering as she spoke those words.
"I… I don't… I don't know," Sokka muttered, lowering his head. The memory of his fight against the Blind Bandit came back to him… he had discarded his life, but Toph had said he wasn't even worth killing. Would Azula think the same way? He rather doubted it.
Azula shook her head and folded her arms over her chest, her expression indecipherable.
"Well, then…" she grunted. "What's your brilliant plan?"
Sokka couldn't help but feel relieved when she gave in at last. He had thought they would spend hours on end arguing… but it seemed she would be rational about this mess for now. Would she remain so reasonable for the rest of the day…? Sokka doubted it.
He unsheathed his knife from his belt and turned towards the slope they had fallen off from. He stared at it, studying it for quite a while and looking around him for reasons beyond Azula's understanding.
"What are you doing?" she grunted.
"I'm trying to figure out which way to go," he said. "We fell off from overhead, right? Then…"
"Then?" Azula asked, raising an eyebrow.
"Then… this way," said Sokka, heading to his right and hacking at the vegetation to open a path for them.
Azula frowned, completely confused by what he was doing. Did he expect to find a way up to the road again? It seemed completely unlikely. The natural wall by their side spread up too high for them to climb, and she didn't recall having seen any alternate roads while she led her mongoose dragon through the mountain. The place they had fallen into had such thick vegetation that Azula thought no other humans had passed by the same territory in centuries… that is, if any humans had ever walked through these terrains.
Sokka cringed as he cut through vines and tree branches, the pain from his every wound making him wish he could simply lie down and rest… but he couldn't do it. Their survival depended on him… and he had promised the Captain that he would keep Azula safe. He had to protect her, nobody else could do it anymore. Her wellbeing depended on him, and even though he had been disappointing her constantly lately, he was determined to get her out of this mess one way or another.
They progressed further along the base of the mountain, Azula treading behind him and looking around herself in horror. Critters she had never seen in her life scrambled away as they passed by, some of them small, some of them large, and all of them making her unease grow. She glared at any insects she saw, wondering if they were poisonous… glared at plants, wondering if they were poisonous… glared at Sokka, knowing he was poisonous.
Azula nearly crashed against his back when Sokka halted unexpectedly.
"Why did you…?!" Azula started, until she looked past Sokka and her eyes widened in horror.
"That… is what we were coming this way for," said Sokka, grinding his teeth together as he stared at what lay before them.
The corpse of the komodo rhino was sprawled over rocks that used to be of a grayish color… now they were crimson. The animal had fallen down the slope all the same as they had, but he hadn't had the same luck as the Princess and her gladiator. His destiny had been to collapse on a sharp, rocky ledge, and his sturdy body had been pierced by the stone in enough places to cause him a slow death by bleeding. His head had been torn open by one of the rocks, allowing Sokka and Azula a very grim sight of what was left of his brain.
Azula wasn't one to flinch at gruesome sights… but this was downright shocking. It might be caused by the stress of the entire situation, but just by looking at the creature's mutilated body she felt the urge to retch. And as she stared at it, she became aware of why she felt that way…
"That…" she muttered. "That could have been us."
"Yeah," said Sokka, grimacing. "Good thing I pushed you out of the way, huh?"
"You… pushed me?" Azula asked.
"How do you think we ended up rolling down the slope?" Sokka asked, looking at her. "I saw the rhino was going to get you… there were only two choices: to let him pierce you and kill you, or to get you out of the way… and risk getting us both killed anyway. The odds for survival were higher if I got you out of the rhino's way, so that's what I did."
"Why…?" Azula muttered, staring at him in disbelief.
Sokka sighed and turned back towards the rhino. He didn't think explaining himself would help anyone. It would simply make Azula angrier, he knew as much. She could keep those questions for later, when their survival was guaranteed… or almost guaranteed. He couldn't say for certain they would be safe until they were out of the forest.
"I know this is going to sound bad… really bad," said Sokka, approaching the beast. "But… this is going to be our dinner."
Azula's eyes widened and she grew pale as she grimaced in disgust.
"Y-you have to be joking, y-you… no way. No way."
"Where do you think komodo sausages come from, Princess?" Sokka asked, staring at Azula with a raised eyebrow.
"Oh, so you're going to use the rhino to make a sausage? Really? Do you even know what part of the rhino is used for that purpose?" Azula asked, skeptical.
"Well… when you put it that way…" said Sokka, smiling uncomfortably.
"How do you know what's edible in that thing and what isn't?" Azula asked, shaking her head.
"Well… the skin is most likely not edible," said Sokka, eyeing the dead animal. "The horns are definitely not edible… but I think we can make do with the rest. Depending on how much meat I can get out of him… we'll be set for a few days."
"Y-you want me to spend… days… eating the remnants of a komodo rhino?" Azula asked, her eyes growing wider with every word she uttered.
"Azula…" said Sokka, sighing. "If there was any other way, I'd take it no problem. But this is the best food source we have nearby, and most likely the best we'll find to survive this forest. It's easier than for me to try hunting or fishing or anything of the sort… and even if we chanced upon fruits, they could turn out to be deadly. This rhino is the easiest and safest food supply we have… so we should stick to it. We're not going to find anything better."
"B-but…" said Azula, grimacing. Suddenly she started to appreciate the Fire Nation imitation cuisine she had been eating during the past months…
Sokka knew her complaints were only going to be hollow from here on, since she knew well enough that they had no better alternatives. He studied the komodo rhino a little further, thinking about what had to be done… before turning towards Azula and handing her his knife. The Princess's eyes widened and she stared at him in horror.
"Y-you're not serious… you want me to do it?! You want ME to do it?!" she shouted, horrified.
"No, of course not!" said Sokka, shaking his head. "Calm down! I want you to use the knife to make a path through the woods. Try to find a river or a lake… a water source of any kind."
"Why…?" Azula asked, frowning.
"We need water and food, first of all," said Sokka. "Once we have that, we'll make sure we can survive for a few days. Hopefully we won't need to survive for much longer…"
"And meanwhile… you're going to tear the thing apart?" she asked.
"Yeah," said Sokka, nodding. "Open the path, and I'll follow you as soon as I'm done with this."
Azula glared at him, as defiant as ever.
"So… you're leaving me to fend for myself, with no concern over what's out there."
"Azula…" he muttered. "I wouldn't ask this of you if I could get it all done myself. But it's either chopping up the rhino or making way through the wilderness… what would you rather do?"
Her glare only grew more intense at his words.
"Maybe I should cut open several fake paths, then, to get you lost in this hell of a forest," Azula grunted, snatching the knife from him with a harsh movement.
"Do as you will," said Sokka, sighing. "But I'll go down every single path you open until I find you."
Azula glared icily at him before turning around and cutting down the plants nearby, walking away from the mountainside. Sokka watched her leave, wondering if maybe he should tag along… but he sighed as he concluded it would be best to leave her alone. The latest revelations had been a lot to handle, and if he pestered her any further she'd have the perfect excuse to light him on fire again. His clothes had ended up blackened after her previous attacks, and he didn't even want to give much thought to the many injuries he had sustained. If those injuries said anything, it was that Azula could fend for herself while he was dealing with the komodo rhino…
He turned around to face the dead carcass, and he released his sword from its sheath. He sighed and stared at the black blade, trying to ready himself for the task. He had sent Azula with his knife because he knew that gutting the creature would be far easier with his sword… but the more thought he gave what lay ahead, the more he regretted the entire situation.
"I shouldn't have told her to go look for the Rough Rhinos like this… right?" he said, sighing. "I'm so sorry, Space Sword. You weren't built for this sort of thing… But it's either this or dying. So… sorry again…"
He gritted his teeth before starting on his task, knowing Piandao would skin him instead if he knew what he was doing with one of his masterpieces…
Azula was surprised to find that chopping up plants was a handy way to release her frustrations. Spending time alone was allowing her rampant thoughts to further her anger and disappointment at everything that had happened recently. It wasn't only that Sokka had proved once more how much of an asshole he was… but the fact that she'd had the Rough Rhinos right in front of her, and she had failed to capture them. She also had no idea for how long had they remained unconscious at the bottom of that slope. Even if she could have propelled herself back onto the road, there would have been nothing for her to pursue anymore by the time she made it to the top of the mountain. Who knew where the Rough Rhinos might be by now…
Her anger helped her cut through the woods with more ease. Even though she had threatened to make several paths to throw Sokka off her trail, she decided not to. She just had to keep going until she found a damn river, right? Yet she felt like she had walked for ages and she still couldn't find anything but plants…
She stopped and listened intently, trying not to make a sound. The breeze moved the trees around her, to her irritation, and she couldn't quite hear what lay ahead… but she thought she could hear the rumor of water somewhere nearby.
Azula gripped the knife tightly and began cutting again, tearing through vines and tree branches, stepping over dead leaves and moist grounds, trying to keep herself levelheaded now as she sought out the brook she was certain she had heard…
She grew frustrated when she couldn't find it. Was she delirious already? Had she just imagined it because it was what she had wanted to hear…? She tore down another set of vines angrily and her eyes widened at the sight ahead.
A river awaited her past the nearby trees, with pristine water was streaming down the riverbed. Azula sighed with relief upon finding it, her left arm already weary after tearing at all those plants. Maybe she should have picked gutting the animal instead…
Azula made it past the trees quickly and dropped on her knees on the riverbank, sliding her hands into the water hastily. She flinched at how cold the water was, but she cleansed her hands and her face afterwards, hoping to get rid of as much dirt and filth as possible. She dipped her right hand into the water again, flinching as her wound pained her more during her attempt to clean it. She had little idea of how to deal with injuries, but she knew she had to clean it first and foremost. She didn't know if Vachir's arrow had been poisoned, but she rather doubted it. Had it been, she probably would be suffering the effects of the venom by now.
She withdrew her hand when the cold water's effect became too unpleasant. She cupped some of the water with both hands and drank it down, only noticing now how thirsty she had been. From what she could recall, she'd only had breakfast today… and the sun was close to setting by now. Her stomach growled even though she didn't want to eat anything, because she knew the menu would be comprised of komodo rhino and nothing more. She sighed and sat by the river, staring at the running water while more thoughts scrolled through her mind…
Sokka arrived to the river not too long after Azula had found it. He had taken off his burnt shirt, and he was using it to carry the first slabs of meat he had managed to cut off the komodo rhino. Azula heard him arrive and looked at him, growing disgusted at the sight of his hands and torso covered in blood. He seemed bothered by the matter, but he kept his jaw clenched and his eyes cold and steady. Azula stared at him, knowing by the way he was behaving, that it wasn't the first time he had been coated in blood… only this time it was the blood of an animal. Before it had been the blood of another human, of another fellow gladiator…
"I'm going to drop this here," said Sokka, stopping a few ways away from where Azula was and dropping the meat on the ground. "I'll clean the meat up later… and I'll be back in a bit. I think more of that thing can be put to good use."
Azula didn't answer, which Sokka took as a bad omen. He thought giving her time to think would be a good thing, but judging by her posture as she stared into the river again, she was back to her former cold and unyielding self. Oh, joy… He sighed and shook his head, taking his shirt again and starting down the path Azula had torn open.
Sokka made three more trips back and forth through the woods, trying to take all of what seemed edible from the komodo rhino. He also brought the animal's horns, in case they might be of some use later on. And through the entire time he walked back and forth from the dead rhino to their momentary campsite, Azula didn't move an inch. Sokka didn't want to pay her much attention, focused on ensuring their survival as he was, but he couldn't ignore her forever even though it seemed that was what Azula wanted.
After returning from his last trip, he went to the river as well and cleansed himself from the blood. Red stains colored the river as he washed his entire torso and his face, flinching at the pain when the water grazed his wounds. The stinging of his burns died down slightly after he bathed them with the cold water, but it wasn't enough for the pain to subside completely.
The bandages he wore on his forearms were dyed a deep crimson, all the same as his gloves, and he took all of them off to clean them properly. He scrubbed at them intently, doing his best to restore their former colors. He spent several minutes with the bandages and gloves before dedicating himself to clean his shirt, which was soaked in blood to the point that the burn stains were hardly noticeable anymore. Sokka continued cleaning his clothes, under the impression that Azula would be watching his every move… but when he snuck a look at his left, he found that she was still staring deep into the river, holding her right hand in her left with a grimace on her face.
"Your injury…" Sokka asked, putting aside his shirt. "Did you clean it?"
"You should have enough to worry about with yours, never mind mine," Azula grunted.
"Well… I did my best to clean mine already," he said. "I was just checking if you'd done the same."
Azula remained quiet, unwilling to speak another word at him. Sokka sighed and leaned towards her.
"Let me see it," he muttered, softly.
"No," she replied, tightening her left hand around her right even more.
"Please, Azula," said Sokka, sighing. "I can use my bandages to cover your wound so it doesn't get infected…"
"Keep your damn bandages," she grunted. "I want nothing to do with you."
"Azula, could you please be reasonable for one second?" Sokka asked, losing his patience. "I'm trying to help you here!"
"And I couldn't care less for your help!" Azula shouted, standing up and taking a few steps away from him. "Stay away from me."
"Azula…" he said, as he rose to his feet.
"Stay away from me, I said!" she bellowed.
"Well, fine! I'll stay where I am! But can we at least talk?!" he asked, almost begging at this point.
"Talk? Talk?! About what, exactly?!" Azula asked, turning around to look at him. "Do you think I could care less for any of your bullshit explanations?!"
"Maybe you would, if you'd just listen to me…!"
"To hear you say what, exactly?! To hear you talk about how much fun you had with those two whores?!" Azula asked. "Now, there's just one thing I'm actually wondering… did you have them both at the same time? Because given how much of a spineless imbecile you've proved to be, I wouldn't even be surprised to know that was the case!"
"What are you…?!" Sokka said, staring at Azula in total disbelief and utter confusion. "What on earth are you talking about, Azula?!"
"Oh, so we're playing dumb now, are we?" Azula asked. She would have liked to fake amusement, but she was too indignant to do anything but glare and snarl at him.
"I'm not playing anything! I'm just trying to figure out what you're talking about!" Sokka said. "I have no idea…!"
"You have the nerve to act as if you didn't know… you really have the nerve to act as if you had no idea what I'm talking about! Seriously, did the alcohol wipe away all your memories? Because if that's the case, I'd really like to have some of that crap! Maybe it'd help me stop feeling as miserable as I do because of a scumbag like you!"
"Azula…" said Sokka, his chest heaving. "Azula, please, stop… I can explain…"
"I don't want to hear it, Sokka," Azula growled. "I don't give a damn about what you have to say."
"If you didn't give a damn, then why are you so upset?!" Sokka asked. "You're miserable because of all the wrong I did to you, you just said so! So I'm trying to help you stop feeling so bad, but you're not letting me…!"
"I have no reason to let you do anything! I want absolutely nothing to do with you anymore!" Azula shouted. "I hate you, and I hate the fact that I can't stop feeling the way I do! I hate that I was stupid enough to go to you to rid me of that accursed marriage, I hate that I went to that damn Pole, I hate that I ever met you! I should have never gotten involved with you, I should have never bothered feeling anything because it would only ruin me! Because I knew this wouldn't end well, yet I was stupid enough to let myself fall into this nonsense!"
"Azula, I've said I'm sorry!" Sokka said. "You have no idea how I regret everything I did! I wish I had done things differently, every morning I wake up thinking that if I had a chance, I'd do everything right this time around…!"
"And you think that apologizing fixes everything?" Azula asked, staring at him in disbelief. "You honestly think that I would simply open my arms and throw myself at you once more just because you say you're sorry?! Because you wish you'd done things differently?! Well, it's too late now! That's the problem about regrets! That you can't do anything but feel remorse and wish things had been different, but they weren't! What happened can't be changed anymore!"
"And I know that well enough! That's why I'm trying to make amends for it now! I've been trying to make up for it for all this time, but you just close off and you won't let me help you in any way! You just…!"
"I just don't trust you. Indeed, I don't, and having trusted you in the first place was a foolish mistake I'm not going to make again. Trust is for fools."
"Azula, please…" Sokka muttered. "I have already said I was sorry, and I took full responsibility for everything I did! I know I was the one who screwed everything up and I'm willing to face retribution as it may come, but you need to understand what happened that night first of all, because I don't think you grasp what really…!"
"Oh, so you're going to tell me every detail about how you fucked her? Is that what I need to hear?!" she asked. "You know what?! I'm done with your apologies, and I'm done with hearing you own up for everything… because you know what?! Everything wasn't your fault!"
"W-what…?" Sokka asked, staring at her in shock. "What do you mean…?"
"What else could I possibly mean?!" Azula asked. "It wasn't just your fault! It never was! It's why I couldn't stand your stupid apologies! You keep saying it was all on you, but it never was!"
"Wait, so you're saying… you're to blame for… for what?" Sokka asked, completely confused. "What are you blaming yourself for, Azula…?"
"That's none of your business…" Azula grunted. "I'm done with this. I've had enough…"
"No, Azula, no!" Sokka shouted, approaching.
"Stand back!" Azula demanded. "This stupid conversation isn't going to get us anywhere, so just forget it already!"
"No, I'm not forgetting about it because I know you won't forget it either!" Sokka shouted. "I know you're going to keep feeling pain and anguish over what happened, and I'm not going to turn my back on you just because you order me to! You can go ahead and burn me again, but if my dying breath expires while I'm trying to reach out for you, then so be it!"
"Why?!" Azula asked, scandalized. "Why?! Why don't you give a damn about what I might be able to do to you? Why are you willing to put up with everything I do…? Are you insane?!"
"Why…?" Sokka repeated. "Because… because I care about you, Azula."
Azula's eyes grew wide at his words before she shook her head, in utter disbelief.
"You… you're lying…"
"I'm not lying, Azula!" Sokka replied. "Do you think I'd still be here if I didn't?! Why do you think I promised to get you out of this somehow, even if you'd kill me afterwards to get rid of me for once and for all?!"
"Sure… sure," said Azula, still skeptical. "So now, after all you did…"
"Yes, Azula," Sokka grunted. "It doesn't matter if you don't believe me, because it's the truth!"
"Well, then, if it doesn't matter that I don't believe you, quit trying to make me buy your nonsense, because it's not going to happen," she grunted.
"Why…?" Sokka asked, shaking his head. "Why won't you listen to anything I say?! Why do you refuse to accept that I'm trying to right my wrongs?!"
"Because I find it ridiculous! Because it makes no sense for you to claim you care about me after all the things you did! Actions speak much louder than words, you know?!"
"Do you think I could have kissed you as I did if I felt nothing towards you?" Sokka asked.
"Don't even start with that…"
"Do you?!"
"I don't know! And for all I know, you probably could have!" Azula shrieked. "You had no problem running off to find other women when you knew I couldn't give you what you wanted…!"
"I didn't…!"
"Yes, you did!" Azula shouted. "Even if you don't want to face it, that's what you did!"
"Azula, it's not that simple!"
"Well, I couldn't care less about how complicated you want to make it seem!" Azula shouted. "What's done is done, and it doesn't matter if you claim you care about me, because it's nothing but a lie!"
"If you just listened you'd know it's not!" Sokka insisted. "Azula, I mean it… I mean it!"
"Just as you meant it that night?" Azula asked, raising an eyebrow. "Just as you meant everything you said to me?"
"Azula, I was drunk and angry and stupid…"
"Indeed, you were," Azula grunted. "Which is the perfect recipe to make a guy as honest as he can be."
"No, it's not! I was being idiotic because I kept thinking you were playing around with me!"
"Oh, so I was the one playing with you?!" Azula asked. "Well, isn't this wonderful…"
"No, it's not wonderful," Sokka grunted. "I know how wrong I was now… I do, Azula, I swear to you I do…"
"And as I said… you think your word is worth anything to me?"
"Azula…" Sokka muttered, losing his will to keep fighting. "Please, I… I was wrong to hurt you… I should have never… I didn't think things through, I… I'm sorry, but I… I do care about you…"
Azula shook her head, her left fist clenched as she stared down at the ground for a moment before raising her head again, gazing at him with eyes that revealed the deep feeling of betrayal that she wished she didn't have to endure.
"If you care about me… if you really cared…" she muttered, as tears dropped from her eyes, to Sokka's dismay. "Then why, Sokka…? Why did you choose them… over me?"
Sokka had no idea what took over him in that moment. Was it the way her eyes gleamed as her tears fell? Was it because of how helpless, how desperate she seemed right now? Or was it because of how eager he was to prove to her that his words were true…?
For whatever reason it may… he couldn't control himself as she finished that sentence, which showed the true nature of her pain. It wasn't just that he had done dreadful things… it was that she couldn't understand why he had picked other women over her. It was that she had thought she was special to him… that she thought he saw her as more than just his sponsor. She had truly wished something more could have been born from their twisted relationship… and he had killed it all. She had wanted him, she had truly wanted him… but the only things left for her now were pain and sorrow. She could do nothing but regret how foolish she had been to allow him to sway her… she hated the fact that she had felt anything for him, but it was only because he had hurt her. If their story had been different in just one small detail maybe something wonderful could have been born. But it was too late now. Nothing could be born between them anymore.
But if only to provide the smallest comfort, if only to show her that her feelings hadn't been as wrong as she thought they had been…
His hand reached out towards her arm, and he pulled her towards him. His arms surrounded her as he leaned down, closing his eyes as he placed his lips on hers. Azula was shocked by his sudden motion, but she didn't find the strength in her to fight him off. One of his hands went to her hair while the other slid towards her back, and he held her closely as he kissed her softly, but desperately. Azula's urge to cry only was instigated by his movement, yet she wasn't the only one crying anymore. Sokka's own tears were slipping down his cheeks, and as he kissed her their tears were mixed to the extent that it was impossible to tell whose they were anymore.
Sokka interrupted the contact and embraced her tightly. Azula was still confused… yet she didn't push him away. The touch between his bare shoulder and her face was remarkably comforting…
"I…" Sokka whispered in her ear. "I would NEVER choose anyone over you, Azula."
Azula's eyes widened at that statement. Her hands, which had been on his chest, gripped him tightly now.
"B-but for a guy like me…" he muttered, still fighting his tears. "… You were never supposed to be a choice."
Azula tightened her jaws again, pressing her forehead against his shoulder as she was overtaken by silent sobs. Of course… of course. The worst part about this… was that he was right. She had never been a choice for him. She was the Fire Lord's daughter; he was a slave. She was Fire Nation. He was Water Tribe. They weren't meant to be together. They couldn't be. It had always been out of the question.
But remembering the forbidden edge to their relationship only made Azula feel worse about the situation. Why hadn't she thought about it…? Why had she been so eager to close down the distance between them? Why didn't she think of the consequences they would face if something had ever been born between them? And why, just why did she feel like she longed even more for him just by thinking about all those things?
It was the most dreadful mess she could have ever gotten entangled with. It was shameful, embarrassing and even pathetic that she would cry over a failed romance with a slave… but it wasn't just any slave. It was Sokka. And he had never been just any man to her. From the moment they'd met, she had thought he was different…
And by thinking that way she had brought forth their downfall.
Sokka stirred the tinder with a makeshift cane he had found within the trees, trying to strengthen the fire he had built a while ago. He had built a small system with sticks on top of the fire, with which he was cooking some of the meat scrapes he had obtained from the komodo rhino. While he waited for the meat to cook, he had busied himself with making a basket out of leaves, planning to use it to carry their food supplies once they moved out the next day…
Meanwhile, Azula was lying down a few feet away from the fire, her back turned towards him, hugging herself tightly. She hadn't said a word since their argument just a while ago. Sokka stared at her and sighed silently, knowing he had to do something… anything. But he didn't know what, and he was almost certain that nothing he tried would be enough to soothe her pain. Her posture and her silence spoke so loudly he was forced to accept what they meant. He carried on knitting his basket, cursing under his breath whenever he broke a leaf accidentally.
The moon was rising on the night sky by the time Sokka finished his basket. He figured the basket could use a lid to cover it, but he was too weary of working with leaves to keep going. His stomach kept screaming for food, and the scent from the rhino's meat had been making his mouth water. He looked at the meat scraps, glimpsing how the fat dropped on the fire, before deciding they had waited long enough for the food to get cooked.
He cleaned his hands by the river before picking up two improvised plates he had procured from a stone. He placed the meat on them in equal shares before turning towards the Princess, hoping this small exchange wouldn't result in anything troublesome… though the odds were that it wouldn't. It seemed the strenuous tension that had been disturbing their relationship had been unleashed upon their previous argument… yet he feared Azula would refuse to talk to him forevermore for the same reason. He hadn't even asked her to light the fire: he had produced the flames through rudimentary techniques to spare her from doing anything when she obviously just wanted to be left alone.
"Azula…" he muttered softly. "Food's done."
Azula didn't move an inch at first, but after a few moments she pushed herself up from the ground, turning around towards him. Sokka couldn't help but feel amazed, yet shaken, by the expression on her face. The sadness in her eyes was beyond anything he had ever seen before… but why, oh, why did it make her so beautiful?
She pulled herself towards the fireplace, the familiar warmth of fire soothing her if only for a moment. She gazed at the dancing flames as if in a daze, mesmerized by the blazes. Sokka handed her one of the plates, holding his breath without his awareness as he waited for her to reject his offering… but she didn't. She took the stone in her hands before staring at it in confusion.
"How did you…?" she spoke, her voice cracking. Her own sounds made her cringe. Sokka decided to ignore it, hoping to help her feel a little better by doing so.
"The plate?" Sokka asked. "I… I used Space Sword to cut up a rock. Don't worry, I made sure to clean the stones as thoroughly as possible before using them"
"Space Sword…?" Azula asked, raising an eyebrow.
"Oh, yeah…" said Sokka, dropping his head. "Piandao would kill me if he knew what I've been doing with it lately. He'd stop calling me a swordsman altogether, I bet… but under these circumstances, I really don't have a choice but to use it like this, do I?"
"I guess not," muttered Azula, dropping her gaze towards her plate and taking up one of the meat scraps in her hand. "What exactly is this…?"
"Uh… I'm not sure," Sokka admitted. "I don't know much about komodo rhino anatomy… but I think one of the things in the basket is the liver."
Azula grimaced in disgust.
"Alright… I'm better off not knowing what this is," she muttered, biting the meat chunk and getting relieved to discover it didn't taste as bad as it looked… "What's that of a basket?"
"I built one… sort of," said Sokka, smiling sideways and pointing at the basket. "I figured we'd have to use something other than my shirt to carry our provisions…"
"Carry them?" Azula asked.
"We're not going to stay here forever," said Sokka. "I've thought about it… and I think we have to follow the river. We might find a village somewhere, and then a road…"
"How do you know following the river will take us anywhere?" Azula asked, frowning.
"I don't," Sokka admitted, sighing. "But it's the safest bet we have…"
"I suppose it is," Azula muttered, biting her meat scrap again.
They ate silently from then on. Sokka wished he could break the silence somehow, and ideas for topics kept coming to his mind… but when he saw the vacant expression on Azula's face he decided to shut up. He kept stealing sideways glances at her, but she never looked at him. Her eyes were fixed on the fire before her, on nothing more.
Upon finishing her meal, she placed her plate by the fire and dropped on her same spot on the ground, once more with her back towards Sokka and her arms folded over her chest. The gladiator gazed at her with concern, but he shook his head and decided to get down to work and leave the Princess alone for now. She had enough on her mind, and he had stuff to do before trying to talk with her again.
Yet after he cleaned up their stone plates and rekindled the fire, he was left with little next to nothing to do. He still didn't feel like finishing his basket, and his entire body was telling him to take a break. The wounds he had sustained were stinging him constantly, but he had done his best to ignore them until now. Luckily for him, he had stifled the fire Azula had thrown at him quickly enough so that his skin wouldn't be damaged as badly as when she had injured him in their first encounter. But the bruises and scrapes stung badly, and he couldn't ignore the pain forever.
He dropped by a tree near Azula, and he stared at her sleeping figure, wondering what was on her mind right now. Was she overthinking things, just as he often did? Was she allowing her thoughts to deepen her grief and to convince her that shutting him off was the best thing she could do? Perhaps she was… yet, before she could pull away from him, there was something he had to do.
"Azula… are you asleep?" he asked.
"You think I can sleep that easily on the ground?" she muttered, her bite returning to her at least for now. Sokka cringed but nodded, relieved to see she wasn't depressed to the extreme of holding back her snappy remarks.
"It's been a long day… we both could use some rest," he said.
"No point trying to sleep in the middle of the wild," Azula grunted. "Something will come attack us, for all we know…"
"Maybe," Sokka muttered, sighing. "Azula…"
"What?"
"I… I think we need to talk," he spoke those words at last, feeling as if he had been waiting for far too long to say them.
Azula frowned and her grip around herself tightened. She didn't really want to talk with him… she feared that, no matter what he said, she wouldn't stop feeling as miserable as she did. For all she knew, it would just make her feel worse…
"Look…" Sokka whispered, noticing she had gone back to her unresponsive mode. It bugged him a lot, but it could be helpful that she remained in silence as he spoke. "About… well… ugh, I don't even know where to begin. I've gone through this conversation like a thousand times in my mind… but now I don't know what to say."
"Then don't say anything," Azula muttered. "You think your words can change something at this point?"
"No…" replied Sokka. "But you deserve to know the truth of what happened back then. I mean… if I'd sat down to explain everything properly to you, you wouldn't have been shaken by what June said…"
"And I ask again… will knowing what happened between that woman and you make this any better?" Azula grunted.
"It might… because that night won't hold any more secrets from you," Sokka said. "You'll know everything… and you won't get surprised by anything else."
"Really?" she spoke skeptically, to Sokka's mild dismay, but his determination wasn't deterred.
"Really. So… first of all, I want you to know that yeah, I… I slept with June. But nothing happened between me and S-… Kyoshi's Heir."
"Nothing?" Azula asked, frowning.
"You might be happy to know that our date was a total fiasco," Sokka said.
"She realized you were a moron and dumped you?" Azula asked, somewhat amused by the thought.
"You could say so…" said Sokka, smiling awkwardly. "The whole date thing made as little sense to her as it did to me by the time we were on it. She thought this wasn't the life of a gladiator, going on dates when we're but slaves… and she realized I had my head someplace else, that I wasn't paying her any attention. So… yeah, I walked her home and she kissed my cheek… but that was it. Nothing else happened between her and me, and I haven't seen her ever since."
The idea of Kyoshi's Heir kissing Sokka, be it his cheek or anything else, sent an unpleasant burning feeling through Azula's body. Yet she felt somewhat relieved to know that, at the very least, he hadn't bedded her.
"So to answer your previous question… no, I didn't have two women on me at the same time," he muttered. "I didn't even want to have one, but…"
"But she forced herself on you?" Azula asked. "Well, after seeing her, I wouldn't be too surprised if that were the truth…"
"N-not exactly…" said Sokka, gulping. "But… I guess I'll have to go back a few days to explain the whole situation. It's… pretty complicated."
"I thought men were always as simple as they could be…"
"We like for things to remain simple, generally speaking," Sokka admitted. "But we can't exactly stop things around us from becoming complicated… at least, I can't. I'll salute the man who can. Anyways… let's just go back a few weeks, even months… the main issue started there. I… I know it will come as a shock to hear this, but… one day, without my awareness, I started thinking about you in a way I shouldn't have…"
Azula frowned and her eyes twitched towards where he was sitting. She didn't shift, but she was listening far more intently than before.
"I wasn't just thinking of you as the Princess, as my sponsor… I was becoming… well, smitten, with you."
Azula's eyes widened. So… she hadn't been imagining things. She really hadn't been misinterpreting the signs…
"Whenever you were around, everything was far more fun and interesting. When you weren't, I'd just wait eagerly for the moment when you'd be near me again. Everything in my life was revolving around you… and I liked it. At times I'd stop to think about what madness was overtaking me… but as soon as I saw you again, I wouldn't question things anymore. I could have carried on just like that forever, I guess… but then I saw something in your eyes that… that told me I wasn't the only one getting too invested in this relationship."
Azula dropped her gaze again, grinding her teeth at his words.
"As much as I was aware of the way I felt towards you… as much as I kept making excuses to be around you even more often, it was one thing for me to have a dumb crush on you. But… for it to be mutual? I… I knew that letting myself go with it might lead to something wonderful… but the consequences were, and still are, horrid. You are the Princess, the sponsor… I'm a slave, your gladiator. We're… we're not supposed to become anything other than that."
Azula sighed in silent agreement. Of course they weren't…
"But that would only make things worse," Sokka admitted. "For this to be as forbidden as it is… it's too enticing, too alluring… so I thought that I had to do something, anything, to stop this before we went too far to take back whatever we did. And… that's when I fucked everything up. I thought… I thought I had to find another girl. By doing that, I'd push you away effectively and we could go back to what we had always been meant to be. Maybe you'd find a nobleman to marry eventually… because that's what you're supposed to have. I'm just a slave from the Water Tribe. You and I… whatever came from us was meant to be crushed."
"I'm not too keen about the nobleman idea…" Azula muttered.
"Huh, after meeting Kuan I'm not surprised to hear that," said Sokka. "In any case… I thought that was the best thing I could do. I figured it would be hard, that you'd probably come to loathe me for it, but I thought I would be able to take it. I figured you'd understand why I'd done it… I thought you'd know it would be for the best, that cutting off any possibilities for an 'us' in the future was a better idea than actually going with it…"
Sokka sighed and shook his head, leaning his back on the tree as he remembered that turbulent day… and he recalled perfectly the best thing that had happened on it.
"But then you kissed me," he muttered. Azula shivered at his words, grinding her teeth harder as she was overtaken by the memories of that amazing moment as well. "And… and all my resolutions crumbled to pieces before I knew it. I… I honestly had thought that, by being with another woman, no matter whom it was, I'd do fine and I'd be able to get over you…"
"And that's why you went for Kyoshi's Heir…" Azula muttered. "Did you… did you actually like her?"
"She was an interesting girl," Sokka admitted. "But whatever I could have felt towards her… it wasn't even a fragment of the attraction I felt towards you. She was quite a nice girl and a strong fighter… she'd be a catch for any guy. But even though I kept telling myself this, and I kept hoping she'd help get you out of my mind… it was no use. Not only didn't she deserve to be used as… as a distraction, as a consolation prize because I knew I couldn't get you… but when you kissed me, I knew no other woman would ever hold such power over me. I was driven by my infatuation to make the most of the moment, to make you mine even just for a few minutes… I had never felt that way before, and I'm damn sure I'll never feel the same way about anyone else in the future."
This latest confession was actually a relief for Azula. Her eyes widened as she heard him speak, as she heard him admit that which she had thought had been just a lie… she was special for him. She really was.
"If there's one thing I don't regret…" Sokka admitted, smiling a little. "It's got to be that kiss. I mean… the entire situation was twisted and insane, but even if I had the chance to erase everything that happened and start anew, I wouldn't erase that moment."
Azula let out a small huff that could have been a laugh, but Sokka couldn't see the look on her face to make sure if she was smiling or frowning. To the Princess's own surprise, it was the former. There was a weak grin on her face, because as much as she hated what everything had come to, she couldn't help but agree with Sokka. If there was one thing she wouldn't change, it would be that kiss.
"But after we parted, you said what you said, and I started overthinking everything," Sokka admitted. "I thought… I thought you were just playing around with me, that you had known about my feelings and you were trying to use them to your own amusement. I… I was stupid and angry and I thought you didn't give a damn about me. It's a fear I always held. Because… why should you waste your time with a guy like me? Ever since you made me your gladiator, I was sure you were just trying to use me for your own ends… and well, back then, you were. By the time we kissed, I thought things had changed between us… but when you said those words, my fears came back at full force. I thought you were enjoying it, watching me suffer and squirm as I tried to make some sense out of the world… so I told myself I wouldn't play your game. I thought I'd seen right through you, and I refused to let you get your way. So… I went to the date, still in hopes she'd help me get over you, but it was useless. The whole time I was there, all I could think of was you. After leaving Kyoshi's Heir in her home, I went to a tavern in hopes the alcohol would help me forget everything… and that's where I met June."
Azula frowned, listening to his words intently. He really had gotten it all wrong, hadn't he…? But then again, she couldn't blame him for having thought that way. The Azula from a year before would have had quite a fun time shattering a guy's heart if she thought she would come out of the whole ordeal unscathed…
"June sat by me and asked me about what bugged me, I didn't want to talk at first but she convinced me to do it. I didn't explain exactly who we were… she had no clue I was talking about the Fire Lord's daughter until she saw us in the town today. She was keen to hear the whole story, and drunk as I was, I told her everything, but then she told me that I hadn't proved that no other woman would be able to get you out of my mind. I was sure of that, completely certain of it by then, but she insisted, and… well, I'm not proud at all of what happened. I have nothing to say for myself…"
Azula cringed and she shut her eyes tightly, images running through her mind about what Sokka might have done with that bounty hunter…
"And, long story short…" said Sokka, gulping. "It… it was no use."
Azula's eyes opened up again at those words, completely shocked. The thought of him being with June vanished from her mind as she turned around at last, pushing herself up and staring at him in utter bewilderment.
"W-what do you mean?"
"I mean… it didn't stop me from thinking about you as I did, and, well… sleeping with June was completely meaningless next to kissing you."
Azula's eyes widened at his confession. His earnest blue eyes told her everything she needed to know… he wasn't lying to make her feel better, he meant every word. Sokka was still the biggest fool she knew, but if there was one thing she could give him credit for was his brutal honesty.
"And that… that just freaked me out," Sokka muttered. "I couldn't believe how badly I'd fallen for you… so I resolved to tell myself that I wasn't into you at all. I needed to stop feeling that way about you… because I was convinced I meant nothing to you, that you were just playing with me. So that's when I… when I finished screwing up everything."
Azula dropped her gaze again, staring at the river as she recalled the words he had spoken that dreadful night…
"You're not going to tell me you didn't mean all those things, are you…?" she muttered. "I know better than that…"
"I… I'm sorry to say I meant them," Sokka admitted, dropping his head. "Back then, I did. I was sure you were just trying to make a mess out of me, even when you were obviously hurt by the things I was saying… the alcohol seemed to work as a shield that ensured I'd be able to ignore everything in plain sight. I was stubborn and stupid, and I… I really said all those things because back then, I thought them true…"
Azula nodded, relieved to know he wasn't lying to her. It hurt to know the truth… but it would hurt even more to get into another argument if he tried to soften all of what had happened so that she wouldn't suffer about it anymore. Now she was completely certain that he spoke the truth about everything he had said.
"But… after my fight with the Savage Hook, I finally understood the truth," he muttered. "I… I realized that I'd been a fool, a jerk, and that I'd ruined everything. That I understood nothing about you… and I wanted to understand, but I couldn't anymore. Every single time I said I was sorry… I was truly apologizing for having misunderstood everything, for having dared decide on my own if whatever could be born between us was wrong or right…"
"It would have been wrong… no matter what," Azula muttered. "That will never change."
"Yet… I really was sorry for it all. It's why I kept apologizing and owning up for what I did, because I knew that if I'd just given you a chance, we wouldn't be where we are right now… I was so conceited, so selfish… to think I said that you were the selfish one… I'm so sorry, Azula. I don't think I'll ever stop regretting all the harm I did to you that day. I meant it when I said I'd put up with any punishment you'd see fit, because I deserved it…"
"And that's why you've been so submissive lately, isn't it?" she asked.
"Yeah… I thought it was the best way to make amends for what I did," Sokka muttered. "I didn't know what else to do. That you had allowed me to stay by your side was already more than I had hoped for."
"It was more than I expected from myself as well," Azula muttered. "But… you weren't entirely wrong about saying I was selfish anyway."
"W-what?" Sokka asked, staring at her in shock. "But that's…"
"I've always been, I'm well aware of it," said Azula, shrugging. "Trying to keep you to myself was an act of selfishness."
"I don't… I don't think so," muttered Sokka.
"It's the truth. All the same as you… as you wanted me. We both were selfish. We can leave it as that," said Azula.
"If you say so…" said Sokka, although he didn't feel like she was right about that statement. "In any case… I wanted you to know all of this. I don't know if it has helped you in any way… it probably hasn't, but nevertheless… you deserved to know the truth about it all."
"Right…" said Azula, staring at him sideways.
"You've said you don't want me to keep apologizing… I won't," said Sokka, nodding. "It must really annoy you, so I'm going to cut it out. My regret isn't going anywhere, I'm bound to live the rest of my life repenting about all of this… but I'll spare you my apologies. Still… there's one thing you said just a while ago that has been bugging me. I… I really want to know why you don't think this was just my fault."
Azula was surprised by his question. He stared at her, his eyes displaying his confusion, but the way he was looking at her revealed how much he wanted to hear her answer. She didn't think there was anyone else out there who was that eager to listen to anything she had to say…
"It wasn't," she muttered. "I… I shouldn't have been interested in you in any way in the first place. All of which you said, about me trying to ruin your life… I wish that were the real story. It damn well should be."
"But… we both know it's not," muttered Sokka.
"It's why I don't blame you for it," she sighed. "What should it be to me if you want to flirt with a face-painted slave or sleep with a bounty-hunter…? It shouldn't matter. I shouldn't care about whatever you want to do with yourself. You're supposed to be my gladiator, nothing more. I should have control on your life, but there's no point in controlling even who you trample around with…"
"It would be the case… if we were only what we're supposed to be," said Sokka, flicking a stone in the ground. It hovered for a moment before it bounced on the ground and settled a few feet away from him.
"I shouldn't have felt anything," Azula insisted. "Feelings… they help nobody. They're only a hindrance."
"Azula…" Sokka muttered.
"It's true, isn't it? If you hadn't felt anything towards me, we would have never gotten into this situation," she whispered.
"I guess, but…" Sokka frowned, thoughtful. "If there's one thing I learned from all of this… it's that feeling is unavoidable. Emotions can get the best of anyone, and fighting against them is only going to make it all worse."
"Perhaps," said Azula, dropping her gaze.
Sokka eyed her with concern, wondering if she had taken his last sentences seriously. Given the expression on her face, she probably hadn't. He dropped his head against the tree again, staring into the dark sky above them. They remained silent for a moment before he suddenly found it in him to speak again.
"We belong in different worlds… we always have," he said. "It's as if… as if I were a turtle, while you were a hawk. I had only ever lived on the ground and the water, never able to reach out towards the sky above me… the sky in which you flew. I watched you fly, and I envied you for being able to soar like that… you were beautiful, powerful, free… when I was the entire opposite of that. I was stuck inside a huge shell, forced to walk one step at a time with that huge weight in my back that kept reminding me that you're superior, that you're supposed to be above me, always, and that I'm supposed to remain on the ground until the end of time. It didn't matter how much I wished I could fly and reach out to you… it could never happen."
Azula eyed him with interest, listening intently. It was an odd metaphor, but she found she wanted to hear it to the end.
"At first I hated you," Sokka muttered, smiling a little. "But just because you could do what I wasn't able to. I was horribly jealous of you, I wished I could be where you were… but as time went by, as I admired you up in the skies, I grew to enjoy watching you. I accepted I was only ever meant to be on the ground, but I still could look up at you and watch you fly. I thought that if I were in your place, I'd likely be a sloppy flier… so I was best off where I was. Watching you was enough for me. But… one day you came down to the ground. You knew I couldn't reach you in the skies no matter how hard I tried… so you came down to the ground for me. And then… you asked me if I wanted to fly along with you."
Azula stared at the river now, hugging her knees with her arms.
"I had only ever wanted to fly… to be a part of your world. It was what I dreamt about day and night, the one thing I had ever wished for. And here you were, extending one of your talons towards me and offering to lift me up to the sky with you. The proposal was so tempting, and I only ever could have wanted to accept it… but fear took over me. What if you had to hunt for your meals, and I became a hindrance to you? What if another hawk came your way, perhaps asking to court you…? The answer was simple enough… you'd have to drop me. And falling down would kill me even before I reached the ground… because I would have been granted that which I had dreamt about for so long. Because I would have been able to fly with you, with the most beautiful bird I had ever seen… but that wonderful illusion would break as soon as I plummeted down to earth, because I was never meant to share your world with you. So… even though I wanted nothing but to fly with you… I bit you. I bit you hard enough so that you'd be offended by my refusal and so that the pain would convince you to never waste your time with me again. You flew away, disappointed, sad, betrayed… and I lingered behind."
Sokka sighed again as he stared up towards the stars.
"But as I watched you fly away I realized that I didn't care for being dropped anymore. The fall, the pain… if they were what I had to face for flying with you for a moment, then I would take it. I needed nothing more… I just wanted you to bring me along. But… I only realized this as you began flying away. I tried to reach out to you, but I was too slow… my shell was weighing on me, as ever. I wanted to call out to you, to tell you I was sorry for hurting you, that I could face the fear of falling now… but it was too late. You were gone… and I was left with nothing but regrets and disappointment, wishing I had done things differently just to have a taste of your life for one day, if that was all I could have…"
Azula sighed and stared at him.
"And… you want me to turn back and bring you to the sky now? After… after what happened, you think I ought to do that?"
"No… not at all," said Sokka, shaking his head. "I… I was never worthy, Azula. And after what I did, I'm even more unworthy of flying with you. I am sorry… but turtles are turtles. We may swim or walk… but we can't fly. You belong in the sky… that's where you should be."
"And… fear was what held you back?" Azula asked.
"Yeah. I… I was afraid. I was too scared of what would happen. I was afraid you'd find someone better down the road and drop me… or that you'd wake up one day to realize how worthless I really was. I was afraid."
"You were afraid… but not of me," Azula asked.
"Of you?" Sokka repeated, surprised. "No… not of you. I was afraid… I was afraid I wouldn't be good enough for you. Because it's downright obvious I'm not."
Azula sighed and stared at him, feeling at a loss. She could see it hurt him as well, to think that he wasn't good enough for her… that he had given up all hope of being the right man for her. She tightened her arms around her legs before gazing at him sideways.
"That's good to know, in a way," she muttered. "But… there's one thing I have to say."
"Y-yeah…?" Sokka asked, taken by surprise. He stared at her golden eyes, amazed to discover she was looking at him with just as much honesty as he had looked at her before.
"I would have never dropped you."
Sokka's eyes widened at her words. The way she spoke, the way she was looking at him right now… it only made him repent even more. Those words alone all he needed to realize the true nature of what she had felt for him. He sighed and nodded, feeling even worse about himself.
"Of course you wouldn't have… but I realized it too late," he muttered.
Azula looked away from him now, unwilling to witness how miserable he was right now. Both of them were hurt, she knew that now… for a very long time she had refused to acknowledge that what had happened between them had damaged them both. She had only focused on her pain, because not taking his apologies seriously was so much easier than to believe him… but as much as she had believed his pain was well deserved, watching him suffer was only hurting her as well.
Sokka gazed at her, wondering if there was anything left for him to say, anything to make her feel better, even if only a stupid joke… but nothing came to his mind. He stared at her intently until his eyes fell upon her right hand, clasped over her left elbow as she held herself tightly.
"How… how is your wound?" he asked, crawling towards her. His movement startled Azula.
"It's fine, nothing to worry about," she muttered. "You should be more concerned about yours. You… when we fell down the slope, did you…? Did you protect me?"
"I tried to, at least," said Sokka, smiling a little at her. "You've been hurt enough as it is."
Azula stared at him in amazement as he sat by her side, staring at her injury.
"You know… I really think we should bandage it," he said.
"I already told you… deal with your own wounds first," she grunted.
"Uh… who's the important one here?" Sokka asked, raising an eyebrow. "The Fire Lord's daughter, or the southern savage?"
"You really don't mean to make me answer something so obvious…" Azula said between gritted teeth, staring at him with derision.
"Then your wounds go first," said Sokka, and he stood up and headed towards the tree on which he had hung his drying clothes.
Azula sighed as he came back towards her, one of his bandages in hand.
"It's all dry now," he said, smiling reassuringly. "Now… I'm not exactly an expert here, but I think I can do it."
"Well then… give it your best," said Azula, extending her right hand towards him with resignation.
Sokka sat beside her again, taking her hand on his while he maneuvered with the bandage, trying not to tighten it too much to avoid hurting her further. Azula was impressed by his sudden delicacy. Given that he had gutted a komodo rhino just a while ago, she hadn't expected him to be able to perform such a careful task as it was to bandage a wound.
He tied the bandage down swiftly, studying it carefully.
"Does it hurt?" he asked.
"No…" Azula replied. "It's good as it is"
Sokka smiled and nodded.
"We'll change it again later, we probably will have to… it's better to keep it clean and closed down so that it doesn't get infected."
"I guess…" said Azula, staring intently at him.
Their eyes met, and for the first time in ages, something seemed to stir within their cores as they looked at each other. But it wasn't the wild attraction there used to be before… it was something very different. He was eager to do anything to make up for his mistakes… and she was hurt, badly hurt, but even though she kept pushing him away, she wanted him to stay by her side. Her fingers gripped his as they gazed at one another, not even realizing they were holding hands anymore… until Sokka dropped his gaze, almost bashfully.
"You… you probably should get some sleep," he muttered.
Azula was surprised when the strange magic between them faded, but she knew why Sokka had interrupted the moment. Now she knew. It didn't mean that he didn't want her… it meant that he wanted her too badly, so badly that he had to push her away before he couldn't hold back anymore.
"I'll try… what about you?" she asked.
"I'll keep an eye out for the possible threats of the forest," he said, smiling at her. "Don't worry about a thing. Try to sleep, I'll keep watch."
Azula wanted to say she didn't feel like entrusting him with such an important mission: he was bound to fall asleep in the middle of his surveillance and who knew what sort of animal could creep on them while he was unconscious… but truth to be told, she trusted him to keep them safe now. He had kept her from being badly harmed while they fell down the mountainside, and he had made sure she could sleep tonight with a full stomach, even if it was only full of meat. Maybe, just maybe, he could do with another chance.
"Fine, then," she muttered, dropping on the ground again and rolling over to the side.
Sokka was surprised when she turned towards him this time. Before she had her back to him… now she was facing him. It could have meant nothing… but right now, it meant everything to him. He smiled as he watched her close her eyes, feeling that, at last, something inside their hearts had been mended.
"Good night, Azula," he whispered.
"Huh…" she grunted back. He smiled upon her response and he stared into the fire again.
Something was mended, indeed, but not all of it. Yet, after all this time, this much progress was more than welcome. He sighed with relief and stared into the fire, his own determination blazing as he stared at the flames. He would get Azula out of this forest safely, no matter what.
A/N:
Well, that was another long one! I was planning to split this one in two... but I figured I'd spare you all the torture of waiting for the proper resolution all the way to the 40th. So I hope you enjoyed the chapter, and I hope your hearts began to mend along with the ones of our main characters ^^ thanks, as ever, for reading Gladiator!