Four Years Chapter 9, an escaflowne fanfic

A.N. Well, this week has been interesting. My son came down with Covid this week, which sucks because he was supposed to get his second vax this weekend… figures. Anyway, I'm glad I got this finished in time, though the edit is a bit rough because of this. Please let me know if I missed anything major in my edit and I will fix it.

So, I did not intend to make Yukari seem so weak, however, the only information we get on her from the anime is that she tries to be a good and supportive friend, and takes steps to sacrifice herself for Hitomi and yet, at the same time, consciously interrupts and impedes her chances. Granted this could be blamed on being 15, however I am choosing to use this as a character flaw. She bottles things up until she acts irrationally or things negative things and then beats herself up for them later. She is a good person, I hope she doesn't come across as intentionally bad or weeping flower pot. She is a flawed human and I hope I portray her that way.

Disclaimer: I do not own Escaflowne nor any of the characters therein, this is pure fanmade.

"Boy, n.: a noise with dirt on it."

-Not Your Average Dictionary)

Chapter 9: Snips, Snails and Puppy Dog's Tails

Fifteenth Day of the Ninth Month

136 Year of Lotica

"Four years." Hitomi's voice was firm with conviction and drew his attention to her back. She'd gotten dressed quickly, and was now busy tying her shoes. The back of her neck and ears were a dark red from her blush, and Van could just see the edge of a bruise under the neckline of her top.

He'd made that mark with teeth and tongue last night. The knowledge made him flush with pride and a little awkward embarrassment. It still seemed like some dream, and yet, it hadn't been. Hitomi had welcomed him inside of her; body and heart. It was the single most beautiful and consuming moment of his life, and now she was talking about years?

"…?" He didn't voice anything more than a confused sound and Hitomi's shoulders stiffened.

"…I'll wait four years." She explained, then paused, swallowing a few times as though her throat was dry. "If—if you still—" Her words choked off suddenly and she seemed unable to finish, but Van rather thought he knew how that sentence would have ended.

If you still want me.

He frowned, his insides going tight with insult. What did she think of him to assume he wouldn't still want her? He was not someone like Allen who was clearly loose with his affections! He had slept with Hitomi last night because he loved her. Would always love her, would always want her! He also knew she had to return home and he had thought it was clear that he didn't want to regret having missed out on what she was willing to offer, what he was willing to give.

He stood, irritation fueling his movements, and walked around the bed to confront her. His retort was on the tip of his tongue, but it died the moment she shoved her other foot into her shoe and finished her thoughts, her next words hitting him hard.

"I will have no regrets. Give me four years and then…"

Wait… is she…

Hope burned inside of him, painful and wonderful. He was almost hesitant to believe what he thought she was implying, but there was no other way to interpret her words.

… she will return and.. stay with me. Four years. She wishes to return home and…

Van could see the tension in her form, the way she nervously glanced in the direction of the door, likely considering an escape, and moved to block her. He wasn't entirely certain what expression he wore when she looked up at him. He was filled with emotions he couldn't even name and didn't really care to try.

The way her green eyes looked into his own with wary hope etched in the lines of her face made his heart ache. He'd been dreading saying goodbye to her since rescuing her in Zaibach, and last night had made him consider trapping her here and simply not allowing her to leave. He would never actually do it, but it was a thought he'd had while looking into her eyes just moments ago before that buffoon had interrupted them.

… but, she's saying she wants to return to me. Four years to get her life settled, to say goodbyes and then…

The very thought that he could keep her made his hands tremble, and he had to fist them to hide it. His face felt stiff and a little twisted, he wouldn't be surprised to find he was glaring at her, but, he couldn't manage to do anything about it. He wanted to hold her, to kiss her, to push her back into the bed and make love to her again, and again and—

A wave of affection and a sense of determination flooded through him and then she'd stood up and wrapped her arms around him, holding him tightly.

"Four years, Van. Come and find me… okay?"

His arms shakily lifted and encircled her, he swallowed and consciously had to remember not to crush her in his embrace as he choked out a reply.

"… yes."

Hitomi nodded, her head rubbing against his chest, and the intimacy of the moment made it suddenly hard to breathe. This was what he'd tried to express that day in the rain when it had all gone wrong. He'd wanted her by his side, to stay with him, to love him, to help him rebuild Fanelia… to love her. He'd somehow mucked it all up and sent her running into Allen's waiting arms, and yet… somehow, now, he'd obtained everything he'd wanted. His grip tightened and he pressed his lips to her neck, tucking his head into her shoulder.

Four years. It felt like an eternity, but to finally get to keep Hitomi; to have her for the rest of his life, he could do that.

"We should head down before they come looking for us… if they find out I didn't sleep in my bed…"

Van coughed and released her, turning away to hide his blush. What they had done last night had been reckless and had the potential to be very bad. More so for Hitomi's reputation than anything else, but if word got out about this, it would be infinitely more difficult to convince whatever advisors had survived Fanelia's burning, into allowing him to marry Hitomi upon her return to him. And he very much intended to marry her.

He opened the door and looked outside to ensure no one was currently in the hall before stepping out and ushering Hitomi into the hall and toward the stairs. Outside of his room they needed to maintain a distance that seemed immense after the closeness of the last several minutes and the night before, but Hitomi seemed to understand and didn't even try to close the distance between them, though the glances she kept shooting him, and the conspiratorial smile that curled her lips let him know she was thinking the same thing as he was.

The space between them was charged and when they entered the dining room to see the others, he swore Hitomi purposefully brushed against his arm as she hurried to Millerna and Merle's side. The contact had burned and Van couldn't help but stare after her inappropriately, his thoughts returning to the numerous things they'd done the night before.

Oh, the next four years were going to be absolute hell.

"Van? Are you okay?" Dryden's voice drew him from his thoughts and he turned to the current King of Asturia.

"Fine."

Dryden's eyebrows rose and Allen was frowning from his place at the table. "… right." Dryden smiled amicably, "You know we were only trying to get you to relax last night. No need for the glare."

Van frowned, unaware that he had indeed been glaring at the other man. He sighed and took his seat, picking at his breakfast. Apparently, the group was used to him being antisocial and in a "bad mood" as the conversation returned to lighthearted topics, with Van being all but ignored.

That is, until he felt a toe nudge at his leg and run up his calf under the table. His head shot up, and he saw Hitomi glancing his way from the corner of her eye, with a blush on her cheeks. His own warmed and he looked down to his food, lips curling just slightly into a smile and nudged her foot back in return.

September 15, 2003

Earth

The smell of heated rubber under the autumn sun was familiar, as was the slapping of sneakers against it, the burn in her lungs as she forced them to work overtime, and the ache in her legs. All of it was a soothing balm for her nerves and her anxiety. Perhaps many would see her actions as callous or a form of denial, but Hitomi couldn't be bothered with what others would think and say.

I have to believe in Van. I have to believe in Anil.

The thought was a looping mantra that was inhaled and exhaled as she jogged lap after lap on the track. She was grateful for the outdoor sports center that allowed her this opportunity to cathartically deal with her emotions while she waited for Van to contact her, or for Anil to return.

She should be good at this; waiting. She'd been doing it for seven years after all. Waited for the time when she could return to earth, waited for Van to come back for her and Anil and now she waited for some kind of closure. Some dark corner of her mind, where doubt and insecurity dwelled, whispered into her heart and mind, reminding her of the continued silence from Van in their link, reminded her that he had not come for her, and that finding out about Anil like this would not be a good thing.

She hadn't tried to use the link between them in almost two years. It had been heartbreakingly easy to block the flow of emotions. It seemed reopening that link was going to be much harder. She thought she'd done it when Anil first vanished, but she had received nothing from Van in all this time. Not a flicker of emotion not her own, not a glimmer of the presence she had once known as intimately as herself. This left her to wonder if perhaps, he was the one blocking her this time.

What if he never contacts me? What if… he never sends Anil home?

Her steps faltered and Hitomi stumbled to a halt, bending in half to grip her knees as sweat slipped over her skin and dripped to the ground below with each panted breathe. She closed her eyes to ward off such horrible thoughts and to forestall the tears that burned her eyes.

Stop that, Hitomi! Van isn't cruel!

She knew him well enough to know, he would not keep her waiting without word when he knew the truth about Anil. He would be angry, she had no doubt of that, she could even imagine him hating her to some degree, but he was not a cruel soul. He would contact her, if only for the sake of his son.

And what if he decides to keep him there as his heir? What if he wants Anil but not…

Hitomi pushed herself up harshly, physically knocking the thoughts loose and stretched as she walked the rest of the loop back around to where Yukari sat waiting for her. Even from here she could see the concern and worry etched in her friend's face. Yukari looked pallid and a little too thin which made Hitomi worry a little, but Yukari wouldn't allow her to help yet so Hitomi pretended not to notice.

She ran a hand through her shaggy hair, pushing the damp strands of brown off on her forehead and neck. It had grown out into a short bob recently for many reasons that seemed superfluous now. She'd kept it short in high school for track because it was easier to maintain. She had let it grow out while she'd been pregnant, for many reasons, but had ultimately chosen to cut it short again when she discovered that babies like to pull hair and that strands could get wrapped around digits and cut off circulation. She'd started letting it grow back out about six months ago when she accepted Fumio's offer to grab a coffee as more than mere co-workers.

It had been a little foolish, but she had felt that by growing it out, she was, in a way, letting go of her past; moving forward. Not just with her life but with Fumio. That had changed again, and pushing the hair from her face she realized just how much she disliked having long hair.

"You finished?" Yukari's voice drew her attention and Hitomi managed a nod, accepting the towel that was passed to her and the bottle of water. She dabbed at her face, neck and chest and slowly sipped the water as she cooled down.

"Thanks."

"It's what I'm here for." Yukari said with a casual shrug though the weight of the situation was still there between them. Hitomi allowed the lighter conversation and managed a laugh that almost sounded real.

"Always the manager of the track team, huh? Not even marriage could break you of it."

"Please… I married a track star." Yukari crossed her arms and put on a show of being put-upon though both women knew it was a farce.

"… yeah but that body though…"

"Hitomi!" Yukari shouted scandalized, her cheeks pinking though her lips were trying hard not to show her own amusement.

"What? I have eyes, Yukari. Running is doing him good." Hitomi teased, "… and you get all the benefits."

"… just… just shut up." Yukari was hiding in her hand and Hitomi laughed at her discomfort finishing her water and finally took a seat beside her best friend.

"Thank you. For coming here."

"What else could I have done?" Yukari's shoulder bumped her own and Hitomi smiled sadly, looking down at her hands.

"… it's the waiting that's impossible…"

"… still no word?" Yukari asked, and Hitomi shook her head in the negative. She had explained her link to Van more than once, and while Yukari hadn't ever really understood, she had known at the very least. She made a tsk sound with her teeth, clearly angered and Hitomi sighed.

"He might not be able to hear me anymore. I've… I've blocked him for some time now."

"And whose fault is that?!" Yukari snapped, tears in her eyes. "He said four years!"

"Yukari…"

"No! Hitomi, you both agreed on four years! He's the one that didn't show. I won't watch you defend him on this!"

Hitomi sighed, her chest tight with anxiety once more. Yukari meant well, she knew, but she didn't understand and there was no way Hitomi could properly explain it to her. She had blocked Van from the link. She'd started doing it almost right away to keep her pregnancy a secret. If the bond was weak, it was her fault. Besides, she was the one who had chosen to keep Anil from him. He couldn't have known how important their promise had become.

These were things she had chosen. Strings she had created and ensnared them both in. She wasn't a fifteen-year-old girl anymore. She couldn't ignore the things she had done. However, Yukari had not had to learn such harsh lessons and she couldn't make her understand them either.

"Are you hungry?" She changed the topic and stood, pretending not to notice Yukari's confusion. "I could really go for some food right now, and I bet Amano is hungry too. I don't have much in the fridge…"

"… I guess." Yukari stood up and looked her way. "… your hair is looking a bit shaggy. Maybe we should take you to a salon while we are out too."

Hitomi smiled in agreement. "That sounds good. I was just thinking it was in the way."

"Yes, yes." Yukari linked her arm through Hitomi's and walked with her to grab her duffel and track pants and jacket. This was a diversion from the problem, it didn't solve anything, but there was nothing else she could do. It was best to stay busy.

Believe in Van. I need to believe in Van.

Her mantra continued to the tempo of her heart.

Despite her smiles and casual conversation, Yukari was worried. Hitomi was dealing with so much and she seemed adamant about keeping her own council in regards to it all.

I can't really demand her to talk either…

Yukari's hand drifted to her stomach where the tiny flicker of life had just started. Six weeks the doctor had said. She hadn't even told Susumu yet and there was still a chance that things could fail. Despite all of this she was already so attached and protective of this cluster of cells, the very idea of what Hitomi was going through made her want to vomit. Her eyes burned and her vision blurred and she pressed her hand to her mouth to try and quell the rising emotions that were impending. Hitomi really didn't need her tears.

"Yukari?" Hitomi's concerned voice made it worse and Yukari choked on a cry and closed her eyes, tears falling.

"… I—I'm sorry—I didn't—"

Hitomi wrapped her arms around her, pulling her in tight. "It's okay."

No… no it isn't…

Yukari sobbed, holding onto Hitomi and cursed her hormones and her guilty conscience. She was supposed to be here for her friend to lean on, and yet here she was being a burden.

"I'm sorry… I should be the one comforting you."

"… believe it or not, this is helpful."

"..?"

Hitomi's smile was sad, her eyebrow bowed and pinched in the middle as she explained. "If I'm helping you, I'm not stuck in my own head. If I keep myself busy and distracted, I can pull through another day."

"… Hitomi…" More useless tears.

"You've never been this emotional before… are you okay, Yukari?" Hitomi asked and she desperately wanted to tell her. She wanted to share her good news, but how could she? Anil was missing and she hadn't even told her husband yet.

"I don't know… I'm just… such a mess…"

"That time of the month?"

Not for another thirty-four weeks or more…

"… maybe?" Was the best she could do and thankfully, Hitomi bought it, patting her back consolingly.

"Well, then, let's treat ourselves, hm?" She was far too kind. Yukari nodded and gripped tighter to her friend's hand as though they were back in middle school. "I definitely need a haircut, why don't you get a manicure while you wait for me?"

Yukari numbly nodded her head as they left together. Her tears dried up and she felt relatively in control again, but she couldn't help her wondering thoughts on everything. It just wasn't fair. Hitomi was kidnapped for six whole months, found love, lost that love, got pregnant, ostracized by her classmates and the school and practically everyone she met. She had to fight tooth and nail for her degree, gave birth to her son, worked her butt off to get her own place, got her job at the same high school that had thrown her out through sheer tenacity and talent, waited five years for the father of her child and he never showed, she finally starts to settle into her life here, meets a good if rather boring man, and now this.

What will happen now? Will her angel just send Anil home? Will he come back for her?

As much as Yukari wanted to think of him as an asshole of the highest order, she couldn't believe Hitomi would fall for such a man. No, begrudgingly, she had the feeling that had he known Hitomi was pregnant, he would have shown up that very minute to take them away. He would not likely abandon his son, bastard or otherwise.

What if he never sends him back at all?

Yukari's lips thinned at the thought and she had to push such negativity from her mind. It would do her no good to think like that. Even if it were true she'd only be torturing herself right now. No matter the outcome, Yukari had the feeling she was going to lose someone.

"How long did you say you have off of work?" She asked to change the subject and get her head off of the internal thoughts.

"I have taken two weeks off. I have time saved up… and I just… I don't know…" Hitomi's eyes looked distant in thought. "… it's been five days."

Yukari's lips pursed and she clenched her fists. Anything she would say now would be unhelpful so she just listened, glad that Hitomi was talking at least. It made her feel less useless.

"It takes three days to travel from Fanelia to Fort Castelo on foot…probably a day or so by air…" Hitomi murmured to herself. "And a little under a week to get to Pallas… maybe five days?" Hitomi sighed. "…assuming he landed near Arzas, it could take a full day to reach Fanelia. Van would probably have to send word to those he trusts most before taking action… he can't just leave Fanelia…"

When did she have time to learn all this?

"Why not?" Yukari asked, incised by the notion that the man couldn't take half-a-day to at least come get Hitomi or bring Anil back. "You made it sound as though the bluelight made transportation instantaneous."

"Well, yeah. But, he's the King of Fanelia. I don't know how settled things are right now, and he might not be able to leave everything unattended to. He had no other family members to keep watch. He will need to ask someone he can rely on in case something were to happen."

That made sense but it didn't make her feel any less anxious or irritated. "Okay. So, who do you think he'd send word to?"

"… either Allen or Millerna…" Hitomi's brow furrowed. "I would think he'd reach out to Dryden but… last I knew, he had abdicated due to Millerna's lingering feelings for Allen… I don't even know if he is still King of Asturia or if Millerna is reigning sovereign."

"Okay, so how far away is this… Dryden person?"

"He's a merchant. He could be anywhere if he isn't the King."

"…"

"If he isn't in Asturia I don't think Van would reach out to him. It's more likely he'd reach out to Millerna and possibly Chid. If Allen is still at Fort Castelo he'd be informed too."

"… so how long until they get word and get there?" Yukari felt her stomach sink at the idea of how much time was likely being wasted on waiting.

"Well, by leviship, I think Chid would take the longest to reach Fanelia, being the furthest away. I think… a week? Maybe more?"

"So… seven days to receive the message and another seven if he left that instant?" Yukari's jaw dropped. That was fourteen days! Just to get to where the Anil was waiting.

Was that why she took two weeks off?

Yukari was a little impressed at the idea that Hitomi had managed to think that rationally, and also a little depressed that it could take that long at the earliest to receive word.

"Well… I'm not entirely sure. If they send the message by carrier bird it might take less time… honestly I can only really go by what I personally experienced. It felt like it took so long to get to places… and yet it also felt like no time at all…" Hitomi shook her head. "The longest was the three weeks we spent in hiding in Pallas, but I know Van, Merle and I spent eight days traveling alone from Pallas toward Fried before we met back up with Allen and the Crusade."

All these names and places sounded nothing but fiction to her, and yet listening to Hitomi speak she could tell her friend was recalling images and faces with each one. It was a little lonely to see and realize that her friend had only partially returned to her, and still seven years later, could recall that world with such clarity. She'd always understood that Hitomi would return there if given the chance, know she finally knew that it was likely coming.

… I get pregnant and my best friend will leave for good…

She shook her head sharply to dispel the self-pity that was trying to surface. "Right. Okay, so we are looking at possibly fourteen days at the shortest, maybe closer to a month on the long end."

Hitomi nodded her head, eyes straying to the sky. Yukari wondered what she saw there. If Gaea was visible during the day or if, like the moon, it was visible during the day only certain times of the month.

"I have about three weeks saved up. So, if my two weeks end and Van still hasn't arrived…" She sighed, eyes lowering and she gave a weak smile. "I'll just have to use my last week."

"… and no luck in contacting him?"

Hitomi shook her head. "No. I keep trying but, it's like I'm yelling into an empty tunnel." She laughed hollowly, "… it was so effortless in the beginning. I didn't even want to hear his thoughts and feel his emotions… and after returning… my emotions just bled through without thought… I actively had to… work to block him out so he wouldn't worry. Now…"

Yukari squeezed Hitomi's hand and bumped shoulders with her. "Maybe… it will help if you do a reading—"

"No." It was abrupt, harsh and final.

"Hitomi, you aren't even on Gaea how could it possibly—"

"No, Yukari. I swore I wouldn't do it ever again. I am not going to go back on my word now."

"Fine." Yukari sighed, and she could see the salon up ahead. She hoped they had walk-ins available. "I'm sure you'll remember how. If anyone could it would be you."

"Thank you, Yukari."

She nodded and scuttled Hitomi inside the shop where they couldn't discuss these things. It was a bit childish, to hide from the problem, but there was nothing else to be said, nothing else to be done. All they could do was wait. Wait and be there for each other.

Van Fanel, if you exist… you better hurry your ass up.

15 September, 2003

Gaea

The paper in his arms crinkled and he gripped the coloring sticks Merle had given him in a slightly sweaty fist. He shifted his weight from foot to foot, feeling his new boots and pants shift with him and stared at the open doorway that led to the study his father currently occupied.

He wouldn't mind right? He left the door open… I'm not going to bother him…

Anil chewed on his lower lip and tightened his grip on his coloring utensils. He'd just escaped Merle's careful watch and had gone in search of his father as was becoming his daily routine since their talk by Escaflowne. His father had been far more approachable after that. He made certain to share all his meals with Anil and had even taken him outside to explore and play when he didn't have other things he had to do.

His new clothes had been a gift from his father, and he was very pleased to have received them. The red shirt was soft and comfortable and his cotton pants were a deep brown color that were equally warm and soft as well. His boots looked like his father's but smaller, and that made Anil very happy. He'd said thank you so many times already, but he still felt the urge to thank him.

… if he's in there he's working right? I shouldn't bother him…

Anil pouted and slowly peeked around the edge of the door. His father was seated at his desk, looking over papers carefully. There was what looked like maps as well and Anil wondered what it was his father was working on. He darted out of sight when his father glanced up. He thought he'd been fast enough but he wasn't certain. He didn't want to be a bother, and Merle had said earlier that if Van hadn't come to see him, Anil would be bothering him.

But I'll be quite… we can work together.

Anil looked at his color sticks and paper with a hopeful smile. He often colored while his mother did work at home, he was very good at staying quiet. He peaked back into the room and away once more. He just didn't want to do something wrong. The last few days had been really good. His father had spent time with him, tucked him into bed and he just wanted to stay beside him.

"Anil." Van's voice came from within the room and made him stiffen. "Did you need me?"

Slowly, he poked his head back into the doorway to see what expression his father was wearing and relaxed into a wide grin at the bemused smile he found.

"… I know you're working…" He paused and stepped fully into the room holding up his supplies. "So, I'm gonna work too."

His heart was beating fast and he felt nervous that perhaps his father would send him away. He did ask him to stay with Merle for a reason, and the cat woman had also told him as much, but his father was alone in the room. There were no other stuffy old men that spoke in sharp voices and said things that made his father raise his voice and slam his hand on flat surfaces.

He'd seen that from the few times he'd been with Van and those men had come to take him away. On one occasion, Anil was certain one of the men had glared at him. Anil couldn't understand why as he hadn't done anything to deserve that, but he had been told by Merle that those men and his father were trying to settle a problem and it was best if Anil stayed far away from them.

But there are no old men here so… I can stay right?

"Work?" Van asked, one eyebrow raising as he looked at Anil's arms. "I see. Did Merle find those for you?" There was a smile there on his father's face now that encouraged him and Anil took a step further into the office hope filling his chest.

"Yeah… can I… can I stay?" His voice was small, smaller than he wanted but he didn't know how else to ask. He wanted to draw a few pictures for his father. Mother always loved his drawings, and he was hoping his father would too. He had an entire drawer back at home filled with pictures he had planned to show Van when he came for them. He didn't have them here, so he wanted to make some new ones.

"Of course." The words made him grin and he scrambled into the room and dropped his items on the floor in front of the desk.

"I'm going to draw some pictures for you Daddy!" He announced happily crawling onto his stomach. "Mommy lets me color in her office too, so I know how to be real quiet. Quieter than a mouse… I can't draw mice yet they are hard… but I can draw Dragons! I'm gonna draw you a dragon!"

Climbing happily onto his stomach Anil grabbed the first of the colored sticks and began his work, happy and content to be in the same room as his father.

Van had gotten nowhere in the last three days as far as his problems were concerned. The council, thankfully, had kept their mouths shut tight upon receipt of the bird from Pallas, confirming that while Dryden himself could not afford to leave Asturia at this time, Millerna would go in his place. Idus and Emos likely believed that whatever proof Van had would be coming with the envoy and so had settled down somewhat.

Of course they had recommended he keep Anil inside the safety and security of the palace. He knew what they really meant to do was to keep him from the populace of Fanelia until his legitimacy could be proven. It was a headache, but easily enough achieved. He was a little disheartened that he couldn't yet share his homeland with Anil, but there would be time he was sure.

Of course, that was contingent upon if he ever decided what he was going to do in regards to Hitomi. Most of his anger had abated, but his hurt was still there. He wanted to trust Hitomi's actions but that too was hard. It didn't help matters that over the past three days his connection to Hitomi only seemed to become stronger. So much so, that he was certain that she had overcome the initial shock of Anil's disappearance and was now patiently waiting for him to respond.

It was amazingly clear despite having no actual thoughts or words. He could feel the anxiety and the fear but over that was the constant feeling of belief.

Belief in him.

Van leaned back in his chair and closed his eyes feeling wretched for his own silence in response to her feelings. At first he simply wasn't getting through, but over the last two days he was certain he would be heard, but he purposefully kept silent. Perhaps out of spite or maybe it was hurt but he was feeling guilt for it now that the brush of tender thoughts and feelings directed at him constantly reminded him of the woman he had loved.

Still love…

He knew he wasn't guiltless in all of this, he could have reached out when he first realized he'd missed the promised time, but Hitomi's constant emotional bombardment was forcing to light a very crushing reality he'd never considered before and now, found it difficult to forgive.

You had been blocking me all this time…

After he'd returned with Anil, slowly he'd felt the link with Hitomi opening up. What he felt was far more than he'd ever received from her. It was open and raw and confusing. It was a far different contrast to the feelings he'd received for the first five years from her. This confused him until he realized that he wasn't ready to speak to her, and he was actually blocking his feelings from reaching Hitomi now.

She had purposefully hidden Anil from him entirely, and he couldn't figure out why. He was, in a way, punishing her for that silence, and now he was forced to face the fact that it was a cruel and unnecessary thing to do. He would need to deal with this, to reach out to her, forgive her at least for now to let her know that Anil was well and he was going to bring him back to her. He would also need to ask Anil why he felt Hitomi was in need of help. He was honestly hiding from that conversation. He had access to her feelings and knew she was not actively in danger, and so he told himself it couldn't be that serious, but at the same time, something had sent Anil running to him, something bad enough to make the boy think he needed Van's help.

I'm a bastard.

He thought once more leaning forward to look over the papers with the updates on the harvests that he would need in order to properly prepare for the winter shipments and storage. There were also the latest reports on the rivers and the areas where he had already implemented the flood prevention measures as well as some other weather anomalies that had been reported from the West and Northern portions of Fanelia. He truly needed to focus and take care of these tasks before the others arrived if he was going to be so crude as to ask one of them to stay and safeguard Fanelia so he could go retrieve Hitomi.

Would I be retrieving her?

He shook his head as another headache formed behind his eyes. He knew that despite everything, he wanted her to return with him. For all the anger and pain, he still loved her, and he was not going to leave Anil on the Mystic Moon. Perhaps it made him vicious and despicable, but he already knew he would use that as leverage to bring Hitomi back, which was another reason he'd been postponing reaching out.

A shaggy head of dark hair poked into the doorway before zipping back out. It happened several times and each time Van felt his sour mood lift a little more and he was rather close to laughing when he finally called out to his son.

"Anil." He called out and once that tiny form peeked back around again, the edges of paper and color sticks in his arms, most of his anxiety was completely gone. "Did you need me?"

In the last few days he had become accustomed to his son and his needs. Anil was rather insecure. He needed a lot of reassurance and attention which was not bad. He preferred to eat his meals with Van and he slept better if Van himself tucked the child into bed. Apparently, the child had a stuffed toy he usually slept with at night. Lacking this, Van had found if he sat beside Anil on the bed until he had fallen asleep, the boy did not seem to miss the toy as much.

Still, that little thing had prompted him to take a trip into the town below in search of a toy to act as a substitute. During his trip he'd also procured some children's clothes seeing as Anil's were grubby to say the least. Most of Fanelia was aware of the appearance of a small child in a beam of light, so his buying these items went barely noticed, but Emos had still given him a disapproving look and a slow shake of his head. Van had ignored him of course, but the man, while annoying, truly had the best of intentions.

If only he wasn't so detestable…

"… I know you're working…" Anil spoke up, stepping a little further inside the room. "So, I'm gonna work too."

"Work?" His surprise couldn't be hidden. Out of everything he was contemplating as a reason, he had not expected that. He saw Anil shift and took note that the clothes fit him quite well, thankfully. He'd not known how to shop for another and so had to guess. He'd chosen the shirt because of Anil's stated favorite color and had hoped the boy would like them.

"I see. Did Merle find those for you?"

"Yeah…" Anil smiled through his eyes soon drifted down and that uncertainty returned to his face. "…can I… can I stay?"

He hated that his son felt that he would somehow be denied something so small. Van wondered if it was merely because Van was new in his life, or if this was something he'd picked up from living on the Mystic Moon. Either way, Van hated it and it convinced him that he was doing the right thing by taking steps to keep Anil here, where he could repair the damage his absence had clearly caused.

"Of course."

The smile that broke over Anil's face was both glorious and heartbreaking as something so small was granted, and he was quickly running into the room, dropping his items to the floor in front of Van's desk, babbling all the while as he clamored down and began to sort out his color sticks and papers.

"I'm going to draw some pictures for you Daddy!" He announced happily as he lay sprawled on his stomach. "Mommy lets me color in her office too, so I know how to be real quiet. Quieter than a mouse… I can't draw mice yet they are hard… but I can draw Dragons! I'm gonna draw you a dragon!"

Van's smile widened and he shook his head in amusement, returning to the documents. It was a good thing they required little of his actual attention, as despite his promise of silence, Anil continued to chatter and hum songs under his breath. Van was rather touched when he heard an attempt at a common lullaby from Fanelia, only called, Cradle Song (1), drifted up to him. He'd taken to singing it to Anil at night to pass the time. The fact that Anil had already picked up the melody was impressive and made his heart warm.

Hitomi… I can't let him go. Will you forgive me for forcing this?

Van sighed, far too comfortable in the childish humming, the scratch of the child coloring on paper in his office felt the weight of his own selfish desires. He couldn't let Anil go, and he wouldn't. He doubted he'd be able to let Hitomi go either, even if she wanted it. Even if she hated him for it. Putting things off would not help him, it certainly won't change his convictions.

I'll reach out tonight. When I won't be interrupted.

As though in response to his decision he felt a warm pulse of trust from Hitomi that made him feel both comforted and like the biggest ass in all of Gaea. Closing his eyes against it, Van nearly missed the sudden appearance of a piece of paper with a colored drawing upon it.

"Look Daddy!" Anil said happily, a wide grin covering his face.

The picture was about as clear as any childish drawing could be. There was a green circle with triangles on top which he thought might have been wings and two pink ovals in the chest which he assumed were the fire pouches that glowed on a land dragon's chest where its energyst was. It was a nice detail that he could only accredit to HItomi's retelling.

"That's a very good land dragon." He praised and watched Anil beam with pride.

The dragon was then covered by another picture this one with two circles of seemingly random color with smaller orange circles and orange lines that were clearly supposed to be heads and limbs. One had black hair, another had brown. There was a smaller circle figure with black hair and both dark haired people had wings drawn in blue, likely for the lack of a white color stick.

Each of the winged figures held the hand of the third wingless one. Even without Anil's explanation, it was clear what this was.

"That's you and mommy and me, and we're all flying!"

"I see." He smiled looking at the family picture.

Hitomi did enjoy flying.

Well, she had enjoyed it when they weren't flying because of danger or battle. He imagined she might enjoy being lifted up into the sky to join him and Anil. A thought occurred then. He hadn't been allowed to fly openly growing up, but both Folken and his mother had taken him into the garden behind the castle and sometimes further up into the mountains beyond, and taught him how to fly.

I should take Anil there.

Still smiling he sat back and motioned for Anil to come around the desk. Anil happily scampered around and without needing any more coaxing, crawled happily onto Van's lap. Van then pulled both drawings closer to inspect them properly. Anil seemed elated that Van was showing so much attention to his drawings and Van was happy to provide it.

He almost didn't notice the fourth figure in the corner of the family picture. It was smaller and looked incomplete, as though Anil had decided halfway through not to finish it. It had the same construction as the other people in the picture, but this one had blue hair and blue wings. Van had an odd sinking feeling looking at the image.

"Who is this?" He asked, trying to keep his tone light.

"…" Anil froze and quickly tried to hide it with his hands. "Nothing. I messed up."

"Oh. Did you use the wrong color?" He pushed, and Anil squirmed, pouting a little.

"No."

"… then how did you mess up?" Van looked at the image, wondering if he was thinking too much on it.

It looks like Folken.

The thought was laughable really. It was a scribble of a child. A child that couldn't know of his own uncle. Of course, HItomi could have told him about Folken, but some part of him wasn't satisfied with that explanation. His gut instinct was saying it was something more.

Hitomi can see the unseen… could Anil also…

"… I'm not supposed to talk about it…"

"Oh. Is it a secret?"

"…" Anil nodded, hand slowly moving aside to show the image again.

"Did Hitomi tell you not to speak of it?"

"Uh-uh." Anil shook his head in the negative. "Mommy doesn't know." He sounded a little sad and turned to look up at him with wide eyes. "… it's an Oban secret."

Oban?

He'd heard that word before from Anil but he couldn't place it. He was a little concerned with what that could mean but from the uncomfortable way Anil was acting, he thought it best to let it go for the time being. He could ask about it later if it proved to be important.

"Okay. You know, that looks like someone I know."

"!" Anil gave a start and Van was convinced that it was indeed supposed to be Folken, and Anil knew who he was. The only question was, if this was proof of Hitomi's seer abilities in Anil, or if this was merely a child's way of dealing with the dead, someone he knew only through stories.

"Either way. I think you did a very good job with these." He praised and watched Anil nod in acknowledgement. "Though, the floor can't be comfortable."

"I don't mind!" Anil was quick to exclaim. "Please let me stay."

"Of course you can stay, Anil. I just think my desk is big enough for both of us to work on it. Don't you think?"

Anil's smile was brighter than the sun, and he was quickly gathering the rest of his paper and color sticks. Van helped him settle on his lap and soon was happily reading over reports while Anil drew beside him. Anil asked about his papers, and listened attentively while Van explained what they were for.

"Oh. So, you make sure that the floods aren't as bad?"

"It isn't just me, but yes. I make sure that the supplies are there before the rains start."

"Cool! You're a super hero!"

Van laughed not certain what that meant, but understanding it was a compliment either way. He ruffled Anil's head gently. "One day, you'll do this too."

"… I don't know if I can." Anil said sadly. "I'm too little…"

"You won't be little forever. And I'll teach you how." Van said. "Do you not want to?"

"No! I do! I want to be just like you daddy!" Anil shouted, tiny hands fisted as he turned his focus to the papers before him as though he wanted to learn right that instant. "… daddy?"

"Hm?"

"This isn't Japanese." He pointed to the words, and Van could only assume the word he didn't understand was the name of the language from the Mystic Moon.

"No. It isn't." It was then he realized that Anil likely couldn't even recognize the basic alphabet. He would need to start lessons right away to correct that. "Would you like me to teach you the letters?"

Anil was frowning at the paper but nodded his head. "Yes please."

With a sense of pride, Van bent to the task of teaching his son the basics of reading and writing (2). He made a mental note to hire a tutor for Anil and imagined he would have another annoying conversation with Idus and Emos over this, but he imagined they would not be opposed to this. Quite contrary actually, they would actually be reassured by this he imagined.

"Daddy?"

"Yes?"

"Can you teach me other stuff too?"

"Of course. What would you like to learn?"

Anil grinned.

Anil was a demon. This was not the first time she had come to this conclusion, though this was the first time she had decided that Hitomi and Van were not allowed to have any other children together. Merle sighed and rubbed at her forehead as she made her way to Van's study.

Anil had managed to pull yet another disappearing act which seemed impossible with how loud he was typically. He talked non-stop, and seemed to want to know about everything from how the flour was gathered to why the roof was blue. Merle was honestly running out of patience for the non-stop questions.

… at least that's better than the constant tail pulling…

Merle groaned and rubbed her back end which was still sore from the boy's painful habit of snagging her tail to catch her attention. He wasn't pulling it per say, and he wasn't doing it maliciously, but it seemed that the first thing in range whenever he reached out to her was her tail. A single gentle tug was fine, but over the course of the day, it became a literal pain in her backside.

"Nope. I'm putting my foot down. No more babies… I can't handle it…" She muttered as she came to the door, which she was surprised to see propped open.

Van must have finished his work.

She peeked inside just in case and froze at the image that met her gaze. Van was at his desk, going over his documents one-handed, pausing to lift his pen with that hand and scrawl a quick message before switching back to the document, all because his other arm was being used to hold his son securely on his lap, where the tiny terror was sleeping soundly. She could see smudges on both his fingers and cheeks from the color sticks he'd begged for just before vanishing.

Sure, he looks sweet when he's sleeping… it's a trap I tell you.

"So, this is where he escaped." She said quietly entering the room, smiling despite herself. In those clothes, Anil looked even more like his father and Merle couldn't deny it was precious.

Van looked up and smiled a little as he looked back down upon his son. "He was helping me."

"Helping. Right." Merle rolled her eyes walking towards the desk rather impressed with how deeply the boy was sleeping. "Do you need some help, Lord Van?"

She indicated that she could lift Anil up and free Van from his seat. He likely had more to accomplish still, however Van shook his head.

"No, I'm okay for now." He stalled her with his words and she let her arms fall to her sides. "Although, if you wouldn't mind, can you take this back to Sir Trent to start on."

Merle took the sheet of paper Van had been making notes on and nodded, her eyes looking over the document briefly. It was the steps that needed to be taken in regards to the Luce River (3).

"Of course. He's been waiting for this."

"Why didn't he just come see me?"

"Er… well, both Sir Trent and Sir Gaho were helping me with the search."

"Search?" Van's brow pulled low before almost immediately smoothing out with understanding. "… Anil."

"Yes." Merle took some petty joy in rubbing it in Van's face. "I'll inform them and the staff that the little lord has been found."

"Thank you, Merle."

She nodded and turned to leave, when Van again called out to her. "Oh! Also, could you ask around for a teacher?"

"Teacher?" It was her turn to be confused.

"Yes. Anil needs to learn his symbols and letters. He will also need to be educated more about Fanelia and Gaea. He's probably already behind…" The concern in Van's tone was unsurprising, but the fact that he had come to this conclusion so soon was. Honestly, Merle hadn't even considered this problem.

"Of course." She responded though she had no idea where to go to find such a teacher. She couldn't remember who had taught Van. Balgus had been his teacher and master in the sword. Honestly in most things. Before that Merle only remembered his Mother and Folken teaching him, though she was sure there had to have been an actual educator. She wondered if Bora might have a suggestion. He was one of the only council members she felt comfortable speaking with and he seemed the only one that didn't aggravate Van.

I guess this means he's not planning to send Anil back…

"Van?" She asked hesitantly, well aware of how sensitive this topic was, but feeling the need to confirm it anyway.

"Yes?" He asked, expression and tone softened from the close contact with his son. Menace or not, Anil was good for Van.

"Have…" She choked off her words and needed to swallow before she could finish, "…have you reached Hitomi yet?"

The smile dimmed and Merle knew the answer before he even spoke and felt a cold weight in her gut. She hoped this could be resolved swiftly, and she hoped that things would work in Van's favor. He needed Hitomi and Anil, regardless of his words from before Anil's arrival. But from what he had divulged, there was a chance Hitomi was hurt or no longer willing to return. What would he do then?

"I will."

Merle nodded. That was all she could do. Van was doing his best, she knew. No amount of words or hopeful encouragement could speed things along. So, she took the paper and went to call off the search for the monster prince and to deliver Van's message.

I'll start the teacher search with Bora.

It had been a long day. Not particularly a bad day, just long. Hitomi sighed and tried to relax into the warm water of her bath. Her hair was once more in a short, manageable style that she preferred, her stomach was full of good food, and her muscles had that sore ache from being worked.

It was the perfect time to unwind, and she was trying to do so. Yukari and Amano were down stairs, and had promised to stay through the week until they returned home, so she wouldn't be alone. Somehow, it still felt lonely; empty.

Stop it. Believe in Van.

She refused to fall back into that dark place she'd been in, and if she could change things by believing in the positive, then she was damn-well going to try. Her hands however, couldn't stop trembling and now that she was still, the steam rising from the water slowly, with nothing but her own thoughts to keep her company, her emotions were on the rise.

She swallowed thickly, trying to project her feelings of hope, and trust toward Van, but she was steady being swamped with anxiety. She felt hurt, a deep suffocating sense of betrayed sadness and an anger that she simply couldn't understand or fathom.

She wasn't angry; not at Van, Anil or anyone. Not even herself. She was disappointed in her own mistakes but, nothing to this extent. Hands lifted to hide her face as, despite trying to suppress these feelings, they kept rising up like a tidal wave and crashing over her. It was as though these emotions were screaming at her demanding an answer, one she couldn't answer because she couldn't fathom why she even felt—

Her breath stilled and her hands fell away from her wide, startled eyes.

"Van..?" She whispered, nearly afraid to voice her hope that this was actually coming from him. There was no reply, of course, but the feelings seemed to ebb for a moment, before returning with an insistence that again, impressed the question.

Why?

Her eyes filled tears and she pressed her hands to her lips as she finally understood what it meant. Van was asking her why. He was asking her why she hadn't told him about Anil. He must, why else would he feel so betrayed and hurt? And, if he was asking about Anil, then her baby had made it to Van. Anil was safe, with his father.

Oh, thank god! Thank God… Van, thank you… I'm sorry, I'm so sorry… I never meant to hurt you…

The thoughts were useless, she knew, but it didn't stop her from wishing with every fiber of her being that the sentiment behind the words would reach him. That she could express her regret, her thankfulness for his contact, for being there, that he could feel how much she loved him and how much she wished she could take back the hurt.

The tears, both relieved and anxiety induced, fell from her eyes ceaselessly, and her arms gripped her midrift as she pushed her desperate thoughts and her sincere feelings towards him; unfiltered and raw.

I love you! I'm sorry, I never meant to hurt you… thank you… thank you Van… I'm sorry…

She remained like that, feeling his emotions that flayed her to the bone for her choices, grateful for the pain because it meant the link was open between them, that she hadn't broken it by closing him out before, but the longer the feelings remained unchanged, the more she feared he was reaching her, but she was not reaching him.

Just as fear was starting to take over, the feelings that were not her own, altered just slightly. There was still the poignant feeling of betrayal but the anger was slightly mollified, she would say it was more like being insulted rather than true anger, and mixed in was a tenderness. Something she understood from the many times she had pushed the feeling his way through the years, the feeling that she always felt when thinking the words, 'it's okay. We are okay.'

It wasn't okay, not really. She would need to speak with Van before this could ever be fully resolved, but what this meant was that he was receiving her feelings, and while he likely could only guess at the true meaning, he understood her contrition, and he still was kind enough to send reassurance.

"Oh, Van…" Her eyes drifted open, as the feelings ebbed slowly until it was a vague thrum in the back of her mind. Van wasn't actively broadcasting to her anymore, but the link was still fully there, connecting them. Just feeling that after so long in self-induced silence made Hitomi almost weak with relief.

He's here. Of course he is…

Hitomi blinked away the last of her tears and then noticed a single bright white feather floating atop of the water directly before her. With tentative fingers, she reached out toward it only for it to disappear before she could make contact. A smile curved her lips and she swallowed a giddy laugh, finally able to relish in hope and belief.

"Van's calling me."

Just like last time, she would answer that call.

Everytime.

A.N. So, I'm assuming that sending messages by bird would take significantly less time. So, I'm saying it takes 2-3 days to reach Fried. He leaves immediately for Pallas. I'm saying it takes just about three days since he doesn't have to hide or travel out of sight on foot for most of the journey, by that time Allen has arrived to pick up Millerna and he boards the same time she does and they make haste to Fanelia and arrive just over a week later in Fanelia. So, they are there by the 18th of September.

1) Cradle Song is the name of the melody that we hear Folken humming in episode 5, Seal of Brothers. The song to which Van claims to be a song from Fanelia. There are no lyrics, and while I contemplated making some up, I didn't really want to and I'm not that talented.

2) I have 2 boys and the building blocks for communication are started from the VERY first day they are born. Now clearly he is able to speak the language as Hitomi could. I believe that while Hitomi could read the ancient text of Atlantis I don't know if she actually read any of the written words elsewhere in the anime. So, I thought I'd make this a real world problem facing both Hitomi and Anil. They need to learn to read and write. Hitomi will pick it up faster due to the mysterious way she could both speak the language and read ancient Atlantian later, but I thought it important to add this in here.

3) In the first episode, the serpent card Hitomi pulled is titled La Luce. So I just chose to say the nearby river had that name because I could.