Four Years

by Oceanwind1224

"Four Years... if you still... I'll wait." It was a promise whispered in the night, between sheets, warmed breath and hopefully innocent hearts. Seven years later things have fallen apart and now only the consequences of their actions can hope to mend the damages done, but is it already too late? (Hitomi/Van)

18. Chapter 17

A.N. I hope those of you with children do not feel like I am glossing over her reunion with Anil. I do plan to address the psychological effects that will have on Hitomi later. I just felt that for the pacing of this story, it might be better to show her reaction through other's eyes for now to keep things moving. That and a lot of things are happening all at once so she is a little taxed out right now mentally. Do not fear, I do intend to address this, because I know I would be wrecked and an absolute koala to my boys if anything near to this happened. I don't think I'd let them out of my sight for the rest of their lives if I'm being honest.

Disclaimer: I do not own The Vision of Escaflowne nor any of the characters therein. This is purely fanmade.

XX

"Toss your dashed hopes not into a trash bin but into a drawer where you are likely to rummage some bright morning."

-Robert Brault

XX

Chapter 17: Rummage in a Drawer

XX

Eleventh Day of the Tenth Month

Final Year of Lotica

XX

He was very concerned. Hitomi had only been gone five days and in those five days Van had been bombarded by emotions that were as stressful as they were worrying. He wasn't certain what he had expected from their link, as he had only recently been aware of it, but Hitomi had mentioned once hearing his thoughts as though hearing his voice. This, whatever it was, was not that.

Upon saying goodbye, Van had tried to keep himself busy. He had welcomed Allen and his sister to Fanelia, and continued the day to day routine of running his kingdom. By midday he had become aware of a deep seated anxiety that he couldn't place. After discerning that it was not his own feelings, he'd been properly terrified for Hitomi's safety. Hoping she would at least be able to receive his thoughts, he had focused inward and pushed his concerns her way.

However, there had been no change to the feelings he received, and no response from her. Guilt, fear and sadness joined in and Van had just stomped out to the glade with the energyst to go to her side and save her when Merle and Allen had interceded and stopped him. Van winced at the memory of the childish way he had yelled and threatened to beat Allen down if he didn't move out of his way. The Blond man's words still rang in his ears and put shame deep into his belly.

"Do you have such little faith in Hitomi? Will you abandon your kingdom now due to fear that cannot be substantiated? What would Hitomi think of you if she could see you now?"

He hated that Allen was right, was galled further by the fact that Merle was backing him up, pointing out that perhaps Hitomi was having an emotional reunion with her family. So, he had waited, pushing his thoughts and questions toward her until finally, as the day started to fade, the emotions shifted. It was a confusing series of events, but he came to understand that she was indeed receiving his feelings or thoughts. He had the impression she had only just realized that he was reaching out and was trying to reciprocate. It wasn't nearly enough, but he thought he understood that she was well, and what he'd been feeling all day was nothing to worry about.

His mind at ease, and his heart warmed by the connection they still had despite the distance, Van had tried to move forward. He had expected this link to bring him some peace, comfort and was disappointed when it did not.

He hadn't been able to sleep well since her departure, even with the gentle feel of her emotions at the edges of his consciousness each night, when he slept the nightmares came for him. He woke with his screams tasting like blood in the back of his throat, and from the residual panic from their shared link, Hitomi either felt it too, or was suffering from her own. Each night seemed inordinately long and he was starting to notice an eerie pattern to their communication.

So, here he was, holding the pendant and trying to strengthen his connection with Hitomi. He'd managed to link his body to Escaflowne without the magical wish granting pendant, so why couldn't he strengthen this with the pendant?

Hitomi heard my thoughts from a great distance away. We should be able to do that now.

He had been patient and calm, but as the days past, Hitomi's feelings had grown more and more somber. She was sad. That was all he could understand and he disliked it immensely. He expected emotional upheavals, but there had been no happy or excited feelings from her in days and there was no point in her staying there for four years if she was this miserable. Of course, he couldn't just go there and drag her back, he had to speak to her, so, today, he was going to make contact.

He had managed to get away from everyone, he was in the garden, the same place he'd said goodbye to her, and just in case she needed him to fly to her side, he had removed his shirt and released his wings. He had very nearly lifted the energyst to send himself to her but stopped and sat upon a log that had fallen instead at the last moment.

Allen's words still rang inside of his head and reminded him that Hitomi was not calling out for him to rescue her. If he ran to her now, he would likely be nothing more than a nuisance.

Holding the pendant, he closed his eyes and focused on Hitomi; the feelings she was sending, the memory of her face, the way her voice sounded, the way her skin felt. He tried to recall exactly how her voice sounded, the way her hair smelled, the bright green of her eyes and the way the tips of her ears flushed when she was angry or embarrassed. So engrossed was he in his focus that he couldn't even hear the wind in the trees around him, or smell the fall air that rolled through the fields.

After a while, Van dimly became aware of the sound of the ocean. His brow pinched and he could just almost smell the sea brine. He was almost afraid to open his eyes, but open them he did and his heart stuttered excitedly in his chest. He could see Hitomi standing on a platform of some kind. A metal overhang was constructed above her and she was wearing her familiar clothes. Her duffle bag was slung over her shoulder and she was looking at him, those green eyes bright with emotions; shock, sadness and slowly growing excitement, love and warmth.

His lips pulled up into a smile to match her own, and he took note that he was perched upon some stone construction some distance from her near the ocean's edge. He'd need to fly to her side if he wished to touch her, though he had the feeling that, despite how real it all felt, he wasn't actually there on the Mystic Moon. There was aware of an odd haze to the entire world around him and though he could hear see and smell the world around him, it was all muted, muffled; as though filtered through a screen. This was further impressed on him when Hitomi opened her mouth and spoke.

Despite the distance, the sound of the crashing surf, and wind between them, her words came through clearly, as though she had whispered them directly into his ear.

"I'm doing just fine, Van."

She's lying.

He couldn't be certain he actually heard the words at all. Her lips moved, and he felt her emotions that accompanied them; she was touched at his concern and was trying desperately to reassure him. He didn't like it. He had hoped she would want him to rescue her; that for once she'd expect something from him; that she would depend on him to save her.

But she didn't.

… Merle was right. I'm being too hasty.

He smiled and spoke back to her just because he felt it needed to be said, "Four years."

Those green eyes widened in shock before a contented calm crossed her face and she nodded her head once in acknowledgement. Van sighed and relaxed, as soon as he did the image faded out, the sounds and smells dissipating like a mist or fog. He suddenly felt tired; bone weary and worn down. Van didn't even try to fight the fatigue and sank into the growing darkness assuming he was simply working his way out of the vision or whatever it was they had shared, and it felt like he had only rested for a single breath when he became aware of the sound of sobbing.

Confused, Van tried to open his eyes and react to the sound, but his body felt heavy and even his eyelids were slow to open. It was a struggle to lift his lids and then he found he needed to blink several times before his eyes cleared and focused.

What the…?

He was lying in his bed. He recognized the ceiling and walls. The air was heavy with the smell of herbs and with a mighty effort he managed to tilt his head toward the sobbing where he found an inconsolable Merle, beside Allen and the palace doctor.

"M—merle?" His voice cracked and he was startled by how dry his lips were. What had happened?

"Lord Van!" The small girl pounced on him nuzzling and licking his face until both Allen and the doctor managed to drag her off. "Lord Van! We were so scared! What happened?!"

"?" His confusion must have shown as Allen stepped in and started speaking while the doctor began taking Van's pulse and assisting him to sit up and drink some water.

"We found you unconscious next to Escaflowne." Allen began. "You have been unconscious for three days."

Three days?

That was impossible. He had only just reached out to Hitomi, he had seen her just moments before. It was then that he felt the gentle emotional prodding from the link he shared with Hitomi. There was some confusion and distress and worry. When he sent back some reassurance her response had the impression of relief as though she had been anxiously awaiting his response for some time.

Three days…

"Van? What happened?" Allen pressed, his expression dark and it was clear he was thinking Van had been attacked.

"I'm sorry. I was… attempting to contact Hitomi." He admitted, only because he knew Allen and Merle wouldn't back down without an explanation. "I… I must have overdone it."

"Oh, Lord Van! We were so worried. You can't do that!" Merle lectured while Allen gave him a look of his own that said pretty much the same thing. "We couldn't wake you at all."

"I'm sorry for worrying you."

"Hmm, well, there is nothing physically wrong with you, but I suggest you refrain from trying whatever it was you attempted." The doctor said, shaking his head sternly. "It is not wise to over exert one's self and you, Lord Van, have enough to deal with already."

"I will remember that." He conceded to the doctor and watched as the older man packed up his bag and left the room shortly after that.

"Did you succeed at least?" Allen asked once the man had gone and Merle had calmed herself by sitting in his vacated seat to hold Van's hand.

"… yes."

"And?" Allen sounded impatient and Van didn't respond. It was petty and petulant but he didn't want to admit that Allen had been correct. He turned away and kept his silence for long enough that Allen sighed and ran a hand through his hair and turned to leave the room. "I'm glad to see you are alive. I'll let Emos and Idus know so they will stop bothering me."

Allen left the room just like that and Merle slowly turned her gaze to him, head tilted in concern.

"Lord Van? Is Hitomi all right?"

"… yes."

"Oh. That's good." Silence returned for a while until again it was Merle who broke it. "Please don't do that again."

"I won't." He promised, and he meant it. If this was the result of trying to make a deeper more concrete connection, then it wasn't worth it. No, he'd simply have to make do with the emotional link. Besides, it was only temporary. He'd go to get her in four years and thankfully traveling by light wasn't nearly as taxing as whatever this had been.

The disappointment was heavy and Van found himself dissatisfied with the whole ordeal especially as he couldn't shake the feeling that Hitomi had lied straight to his face. Van shook his head and pushed the thought from his mind. Accepting that meant he had to accept that she also didn't need him, and that was too painful for him.

… she's fine. She said… she's fine.

XX

17 September, 2003

Earth

XX

Fumio felt the relief wash through him when Anil opened the front door, and he nearly slumped with the feeling. It had taken all of his will power to allow the two strange and potentially dangerous men, to take Anil off of the school premises just a few hours before. He'd only done so because the men had weapons that he could not confirm or deny as true blades, and Anil clearly would have fought him. Now that he had proof that they had indeed brought Anil back to Hitomi, all he had to worry about now was the possibility of Hitomi allowing that man back into her and Anil's life.

His stomach soured at the very notion. The men didn't look like yakuza but they didn't look all that sane either and due to his hasty assumptions, there would be no one to help him with these men. His mood was further ruined by the reminder that his call to the police had been ineffective. He was well aware of the power the Yakuza had even over the police force, he had however hoped that justice would motivate some sort of action, it had not, and now that he had already stated his worry that these two were Yakuza, it was clear no one would be assisting him (1). In the eyes of the police, the risk of getting involved in an all-out war with hardened criminals, and those bought out by said thugs, was not worth a single child or family. He was on his own on this and if he wanted to save Anil and Hitomi, he would need to convince them that this man was not what he seemed.

Fumio breathed out through his teeth and forced his emotions back under his control. If he knew one thing, it was the fact that people didn't change. No matter what Anil believed, or what Hitomi may think, people couldn't actually change for another. If this so called 'father' had left Hitomi alone and pregnant, well, he wasn't going to stick around now, and if his assumptions had been correct and this man was part of a syndicate, well, he wasn't getting out anytime soon and this would only put both Hitomi and Anil in danger.

Will she even listen to reason?

Fumio's expression hardened at the thought which he was afraid he already knew the answer to. He had watched his mother take back the sperm donor she called his father time and time again it had made him sick to death of romantic fairytales and people who believed others when they said they had changed. Experience had cast him into the person he was, and difficult lessons had hardened him against such stupidity, but he knew all too well that trying to impart that wisdom did not go over well with those who preferred to live in a fantasy.

"Anil. Thank goodness. Is your mother in?"

The boy's face scrunched up and he took a defensive posture that made Fumio ache internally for the child. Anil was so young, and just didn't understand. The boy was bright and so full of potential and innocence. Fumio had hoped to be a guide for him if not a father, though it seemed whatever bond they had just begun to create was broken now when the child snapped back at him.

"Why are you here? Daddy's come for us, so you can go away!"

Whatever he told you was a lie.

Fumio held the words inside. Hitomi would not appreciate him saying such things to Anil, and he was certain the boy wouldn't listen to him anyway. "Anil, I would like to speak with—"

"No! We don't need you!"

He took a slow breath in and released it at the shout; both to maintain his composure as well as to mask how much those words hurt and worried him. Clearly, Anil wasn't ready to face the truth, and his deadbeat father had filled his head with pretty lies. He needed to speak to Hitomi, before that bastard could twist her around his finger again and ultimately forge Anil into the same bitter mold that Fumio himself had been formed. He had to at least try. Thankfully before he could ask again, Hitomi rounded the corner, her voice cutting through clearly.

"Anil, who are you—" her words cut off when she saw him, and her whole body tensed, her brows pinching in a sorrowful way that Fumio knew was pity or guilt. He disliked the expression immensely and not just because he knew from that one look that he was likely too late. "Fumio."

The fact that she used his given name gave him hope, useless as the emotion typically was, and he stood his ground, determined to at least speak his mind. He couldn't live with himself if he didn't at least try. "Hitomi. I would like to speak with you if you could spare me some time."

She flinched at the use of her name and she looked down at Anil, placing her hands upon his shoulders and leaned down to speak gently to her son. She likely wasn't aware of it, but he could see the way she clutched at the boy as though afraid he might fade out of her grip suddenly and disappear into thin air. Hitomi seemed so fragile, like a glass wind chime. She was strong, he had seen the evidence himself, and unlike his own mother, she had found a way to stand alone for her son. Yet, after the events of the last week, he was seeing the cracks in her will, the terrible state of her foundation; the little girl who had been left as a single mother too young.

"Vayu, why don't you go back and finish your food."

"But, Mommy… Daddy—"

"I promise you, everything will be all right now." She smiled and it was full of belief and reassurance and all Fumio felt was his stomach churning in disgust. He had really hoped Hitomi would be smarter than this; smarter than his mother had been.

Anil frowned a little more, before nodding and kissing his mother's cheek, hugging her tightly before trudging off to the kitchen with a final scowl and threat thrown his way.

"I'll send daddy after you if you aren't nice."

"Anil." The warning was clear and the boy scurried out of sight. Hitomi watched him go, her hand gripping her shirt front as though physically resisting the urge to run after him, and Fumio had to curtail the urge to comfort her. She had already shrugged off his touch once before and he doubted she would accept it now. "Why are you here, Ishikawa? Classes are still in session."

The distance she placed with his family name was a slap to the face and he closed his eyes a moment before responding. "I saw two men with Anil exiting the school grounds this morning."

Her eyes widened in surprise and her hand gripped her shirt front even tighter.

"Seeing as they were armed, and Anil was not willing to come away with me, I was unable to bring Anil safely back to you. I watched them leave, told the school I had an emergency, and came directly here."

"What for?"

"… I wanted to confirm he'd been escorted home safely." He responded, slightly insulted that she was purposefully ignoring his reasons behind his actions, but if he wanted any chance of making her see reason, he could not be emotional. He had to show her the difference between himself and that bastard Anil called father.

"… thank you." She said her expression complicated.

"If he hadn't, I intended to inform both the police and you of the two men."

"Did you call the police?" The slight worry in her tone made him uneasy and gave credence to his Yakuza theory.

"… no." It was a lie, and he did not like lying. However, it was the better option. If her son's father was with the Yakuza, his calling the police and being close to her, could place her in danger, or at the very least cause her pain when he was targeted. The police were not going to get involved anyway so lying right now, while uncomfortable, was the better option.

"Hmm." She didn't seem to believe him but didn't call him out on it.

"Hitomi. I am worried."

"Thank you for your concern, Ishikawa, but we are fine." Hitomi was firm but not cold in her tone. It somehow hurt more than if she had been belligerent and unreasonable. At least then, he could view her as irrational and acting on emotion only. Instead, she was acting as she always did; calm, controlled and even-tempered. She had already made up her mind and nothing he was going to say would sway her.

No. I won't accept this.

"… he won't change."

"?"

"No matter what he has said… regardless of whatever proof he has shown you, or reasons he has given," Fumio swallowed hard, trying desperately to keep his own rising bitterness and fear from his voice and he could feel his throat burn and ache with the strain. "He is lying."

"… Van isn't—" She began but he cut her off, his hand rising to his chest to press against a scar he would never be rid of and watched her eyes drop at the motion and her face pale in understanding. He had shared that story with her the night she had opened up about her disappearance. She knew what lay under his palm; what had caused it.

"People don't change, Hitomi. I know." At his words she bit her lip and her eyes became glassy. He wasn't sure if it was due to pity, regret or perhaps doubt, but he pushed on hoping that his words were reaching her rational side that he respected and held in high regard. "He left you. Alone, pregnant and in a society that despised and ostracized you for daring to love your own child."

"It's not that simple—"

"It is!" His voice rose just slightly, and he had reached out to hold her shoulder, he hadn't actually realized his own actions, lost in his own desperation to convince her and was brought to an abrupt halt as his wrist was intercepted by a surprisingly hard and strong grasp.

The dark haired man from before—the one Anil had called father—was standing beside and slightly in front of Hitomi. The man's free arm, the one not engaged in holding Fumio back, was poised protectively in front of her, and his dark brown eyes were hard with anger. He looked the very picture of a heroic defender though those eyes held the threating; dangerous glint of someone who had killed before and knew the weight of both that and his own capabilities.

Fumio felt himself flinch from that look alone and returned the glare out of irritation at his own weakness. This man was dangerous, and worse, he knew it and seemed to be in complete control of his actions.

"Leave." It was a command, and it was in a tone that implied he was used to being obeyed.

Rebellion, the kind he had not felt since his teenage years when he had finally had enough of his father's abuse, roared to life and he twisted his arm free from the bruising grip and leaned further into the doorway. It was stupid, he knew, to poke at this monster. He was still aware of the heavy looking blade at the man's hip; that this man was most likely in the Yakuza, and held a high enough rank to feel empowered, and all his meddling would do was incite this maniac possibly to the point of harming Hitomi, but he couldn't cower. Not now.

"I am speaking with Hitomi."

"No. You are leaving."

"Van." Hitomi spoke up, her tone surprisingly stern and with a hint of irritation, and put a hand to the dangerous man's chest, pushing him as though to force him back. She couldn't physically budge him, it was clear, though the man's eyes flicked to her swiftly, and the expression shifted at her action. Despite her being clearly weaker and smaller, he relented, and allowed her to move him back and away; retreating. "Stop. I can handle this."

Shock loosened Fumio's clenched jaw and had him narrowing his eyes upon Van. He knew men like this; used to power, obedience and control. Men like this didn't let women dictate their actions. Pride alone would not allow them to back down from a challenge to their masculinity which was what Fumio was clearly presenting. They didn't look at the woman with an expression that was rather more hurt than angry, and they certainly didn't turn their head away to glare into the distance, arms crossed in clear reluctance while allowing the woman the power and control. This was the action of an insecure teenager, not a dangerous, abusive predator.

… what is this?

Fumio felt a momentary doubt, but quickly suppressed it. He didn't know this man, perhaps he was putting on a show for now and would 'discipline' his woman later. It was plausible that Van was playing the part in order to regain Hitomi's trust; to regain control. Yes, that made more sense than the possibility that he had misunderstood Van's character.

And I will be the reason she is beaten…

Remorse was an acidic taste on his tongue and he forced his eyes to lower when that dark gaze tracked back to him. Fumio's action was submissive and he took a step back despite every instinct in him screaming not to. Perhaps, if he showed his own weakness here, it would spare Hitomi in some way. It didn't make it any less aggravating, nor did it settle the churning in his gut, but it was all he could think to do.

"Ishikawa-san," The added formality made him flinch again and grit his teeth, but he made no other concession. That distance would likely save her as well regardless if she was using it to put him in his place or as a defense. "While I understand your concern, and I appreciate your opinion, this does not involve you. I am asking you to please, stay out of this."

I was too hasty. I need to back off for now.

The fact was bitter and he swallowed harshly, his fear eating his chest and he had to mentally work through multiplication problems before he could answer with a calm and unaffected tone. "I have overstepped. I apologize, Kanzaki-san."

He affected a polite bow that was both a sincere apology and a production for the man behind her. He needed to retreat for now. Hopefully, he would have the chance to speak with her further at work, if this manipulator even allowed her to return.

A sigh was heard and he was surprised again when he felt Hitomi's hand gently rest upon his shoulder. His head popped up out of concern and he sought out the gaze of Van first, needing to see how bad this would be. The man's lips were twisted and his brow was lowered, but his expression wasn't angry, it was more like pain.

What?

"Fumio… it's not what you think." Hitomi spoke softly, quietly, in a near whisper that told him the other man likely could not overhear the words as the hurt and doubt only strengthened upon that face before Van turned his head away again, arms dropping to fist at his sides. If he didn't know better, Fumio would have thought the man wasn't angry at all, that he was actually sad. "… this is not the same as what happened to you. I swear it."

Her words snapped him from such foolish thoughts and brought him upright, now looking at Hitomi's kind, pitying expression and Fumio was able to bring his expression back under control. His emotions once again smothered under the reality in which he had cocooned himself in since that horrible night he'd left his mother and home behind in the darkness his father created, ten years ago.

He is a remarkable actor. This will be nearly impossible if I don't break that first.

"I have intruded. I will see myself out." He said in return, putting space between himself and Hitomi and ignoring the worried and mildly hurt expression that morphed her face as he turned and left. No one stopped him, and even though he heard the door shut he did not hear raised voices following his exodus which only proved his thoughts true.

He would not be able to interfere, not as things stood. He would need to make Hitomi see the truth by first forcing this man to show his true colors, but he had to be careful with how he did that. If he was too harsh and hasty, Hitomi could be injured or worse, and if he pushed her too much she would turn away from him first and seclude herself from those who would offer help and support. No, he needed to reassess, and move slowly, carefully and if need be, he would need to pretend to accept things. Because, he knew best of all just how little people actually listened to good advice, and how they changed even less.

XX

Van couldn't even voice how angry and disappointed he felt. When Anil's voice had risen, he had immediately moved to defend him, that was his job, his right, after all. He was the father, what good was he if he couldn't offer protection to his own wife and child (2)? Hitomi, however, had raised a hand, told him to stay put, and had gone off to take care of it herself.

He had not wanted to listen but out of respect for Hitomi, and not wanting to cause another argument, he had done as he was told. That was, until Anil had come back, running over to him and informed him that it was that man who was now speaking alone with Hitomi.

The man who had tried to stop them at the school.

The man his son thought of as a threat.

The man Hitomi had kissed.

Yes, perhaps he had only been looking for an excuse, but he also wasn't going to sit back and do nothing while this man was intruding. He had left Anil with Allen and the other two and walked toward the front door. He had intended to stay out of sight unless provoked and had entered in time to hear this man, who knew nothing—though, clearly Hitomi had spoken to him about their private affairs to some degree which also made him angry—condemning and assassinating his character.

If that wasn't bad enough, he had then reached out to touch Hitomi. Van had determined that this was far enough, and had stepped in to defend Hitomi. It was only right, and he had been justified, except Hitomi had seemed disappointed in him somehow. She had used the tone that he had heard all too often in the past, the one that said she thought he was foolish, childish and worse. She had then pushed him aside and proceeded to speak with the man she had said meant nothing to her.

Then why are you defending him? Why are you speaking so softly and kindly to him? Why won't you let me protect you?

Frustration made him twitchy and anxious. This feeling of inaction was both familiar and foreign. In the seven years since he restored Fanelia and came into his own as King, he had rarely felt so incompetent, and when he did it was fleeting and easy to deal with. A mistake of youth which he used to grow from, however, when it came from Hitomi, all it did was hurt. It left him feeling powerless.

It's no different than how it was during the war… you don't trust me, do you Hitomi?

The thought was unfair, he knew, but it was how it felt and he grit his teeth as the irritant finally left and Hitomi shut the door with a sigh. She then turned on him, her anger and disappointment more effective than a slap to his face, which he had experience with.

"Van… you need to stop doing things like this."

"…" His silence must have been irritating as she groaned and pushed forward, hands on her hips as though she were lecturing Anil. He really resented that, but what could he say about it? Hitomi wouldn't listen right now, he was sure.

"Speak to me, Van." She pleaded with him though the frustration tainted the tone.

"Why can't I defend my family?" His response got him another sigh as Hitomi pressed a hand to her face.

"This is exactly what I was talking about, before." She sighed and shook her head, "This isn't Gaea, Van. You can't just do things the same way."

"…"

"Do you understand?"

"…"

"Van, staying silent isn't going to fix this!" She snapped, her patience clearly wearing thin. "You need to trust me. I know how to deal with things and I don't need you to take care of everything."

And there is was.

The crux of this whole mess; the reason he had doubted her feelings in the first place, the reason he was so anxious all the time when it came to her. She didn't need him. Not in the same way that he had been raised to expect. He felt the hurt swell, the indignation churn and change into anger which very nearly made him snap at her, and it was only thanks to a random stray thought that held his tongue at the very last moment, a memory of words he had spoken to Merle the night Anil had arrived.

"We may love each other and want to live together, but we can live without each other as well."

Hitomi had always been independent. More so than most women he knew—not that he knew many—and she was surprisingly self-sufficient. This life proved it more than anything else. She had clearly not had an easy time these past seven years, and yet she had provided for both herself and their child, and she had done it with honor and pride. One of the reasons he loved Hitomi was this self-sufficient strength, but it also often caused him pain.

…she doesn't need me.

"Van, talk to me! If we can't even converse, how can we hope to fix this?" Her tone turned remorseful and he finally managed to open his mouth and speak.

"Am I so useless to you?" The words slipped out without any conscious thought, and while quiet they were filled with the raw pain of inadequacy that he felt, making them harsh.

"!" Hitomi flinched back, eyes wide as though in surprise. He paused to breathe through his emotions, aware that yelling back and arguing would not resolve this, and took a step back to address the bigger problem.

"… you asked that I be honest. That we… talk about what we feel."

"Yes."

"Hitomi, I had a lot of time to consider things since you left. The main problem I have always faced, in regards to you, is…" He paused, reluctant to admit to it, but forced the words out. "…you don't trust me."

"Trust?" She seemed to back down a little, shoulders slumping and her tone mellowing out. "Van, I don't mean to make you feel like that… I do trust you. I'm sorry—" Hitomi said, clearly confused and he used her own hand gesture to stall her. His raised hand worked, thankfully, though he did appreciate the words she had spoken, he needed to get this out.

"Please. Let me finish."

He dared to look at her and watched her nod slowly, her hands holding herself. At least she was willing to listen, and she seemed open to understanding him. It gave him the courage to finish his thoughts.

"You always do things on your own. You don't… depend on me. I want… no, I think, I need you to depend on me sometimes. It is reassuring. It is a way of letting me know I am needed. That I am useful to you. To Anil…"

"I never meant to—"

"I know you didn't mean to. But, it is how I feel. You don't let me do the basic things that a man should."

"Van…" Hitomi seemed conflicted, her face scrunched, tone sorrowful. "I… I can't just sit back and let you take care of everything… I can't… do that. Especially here, if you confront Ishikawa he could cause a lot of unnecessary problems…"

"I am not talking about that man." It came out harsher than he'd intended and Van winced.

"Isn't it?"

"No. I am talking about you depending on me in general. Not just this time in which you treated me like a child—"

"I didn't—"

"You made me feel like a foolish child for wishing to protect you."

"!" Her expression said his words had gotten through as her cheeks paled and she blinked rapidly. Silence stretched between them a moment as she struggled to find her words.

"Then…" She stumbled, chewing on her lip before continuing, "…what do you want me to do?"

"Please, depend on me more." Van hurried to follow that up as he saw her brows pinch and he didn't want her to misunderstand, "Not for everything or all the time. I understand that here you know more than I do. I can accept that…it's just…"

Van stopped to organize his thoughts, trying to think of a way to express what he wanted from her in a way that she might understand. "…when you feel stressed, overwhelmed or when you can take care of a problem, but don't need to and I am there, please… depend on me. Ask me."

He implored her with his eyes and watched as the words sank in. She thought them over slowly, her arms falling from their hold and she stepped closer into his space. Her hands then lifted and gently held the sides of his face. He was watching her closely, nearly obsessively, and saw when her eyes and mouth softened.

"I think I can do that."

The tension finally receded and he sighed, his own hand lifting to cover one of hers. He managed a grateful smile taking comfort from her touch as much as her words. It wasn't a perfect solution, and it remained to be seen if she could actually do it, but for now, this was enough.

"Thank you."

XX

For the first time, Hitomi was starting to realize that despite loving each other, surviving the war and coming together to create a child, she and Van had never actually dealt with the problems that had been between them from the start. Hitomi had acknowledged that her actions had tangled Van in confusion which fueled his dangerous actions and choices, but she honestly hadn't stopped to figure out just what had caused them. She'd assumed it was her emotions that had been so mercurial, and her crush on Allen had caused tension, conflict and unnecessary competition, but now, she wondered if Van also had acted so reckless because of a sense of inadequacy that she had only fueled.

She pressed closer, pulling Van into a hug, enjoying the feeling and using the contact as a buffer against her conflicting and raw emotions. She didn't know how to deal with them yet, or even what she was feeling and she used his physical presence to anchor herself against the unknown.

She had been aware of the patriarchal views on Gaea, it was kind of hard to miss them actually, but she had failed to realize that those archaic roles also affected Van. She had always assumed he was arrogant and childish when he was reluctant to thank her for saving his life time and time again, or when he pushed himself to the breaking point for what she had thought was foolish reasons before.

… I never stopped to consider that all those times, he may have felt like he was failing somehow.

How many times had she blatantly told him he couldn't do something? How often had she assumed he would understand her without explaining herself to him and then lectured him when he failed to meet her expectations? Worse still, how many times had she simply assumed he couldn't or wouldn't care and had done things her own way without even asking his opinion or advice?

She'd consistently left him out of her decisions and thought process. Even just now, she hadn't tried to explain it to him, she had moved to push him away. It could have been handled better, and she was disappointed in herself that she hadn't.

Hitomi let out a breath, squeezing Van once more before pulling back and leading them both back to the table.

"Everything alright?" Amano asked neutrally, and Hitomi smiled and nodded not going into much detail. Van didn't expound either, sitting beside Anil and reassuring him when those large eyes looked up at him in worry.

"Yes. It seems Ishikawa saw them at the school this morning." She answered as Van was busy with Anil.

"Oh!" Yukari sounded surprised. "Was his whole world view rocked?"

"Rocked?" Allen sounded confused.

"It's an expression. It means to shake the foundation of one's inner belief or to startle." Amano replied between bites.

"I see."

"… he didn't say. He was concerned Anil was being kidnapped."

"Again?" Yukari asked bemusedly, but her wording was vague and made Van start violently.

"Again? Anil has been—"

"No. Yukari meant that while Anil has been…" She trailed off, her throat tightening at the mere reminder of his loss and she broke out in an unexpected cold sweat.

What? Why am I..?

"That man doesn't believe in anything he hasn't seen with his own eyes." Yukari supplied seamlessly, "So, this whole time Anil has been with you, he's believed he was kidnapped."

"…" Van didn't verbally reply his gaze remaining on Hitomi, watching as she forced her hands to stop shaking and back under control. It took some effort but she managed it and thankfully the conversation moved to pointless niceties as the meal continued. Hitomi allowed her mind to wander as they finished eating, and she moved to clean the dishes while Yukari and Amano helpfully cleaned the room they had stayed in and brought down the used bedding to be cleaned.

She puzzled over her feelings and concerns. She was unsettled by the conversation though she couldn't place exactly why that was. Despite Van's explanation, Hitomi was still at a loss as to what she should be doing.

What exactly is he asking me to do? There is no way he's asking me to act like Millerna or something…

She knew she could never become a lady like those on Gaea were. She was similar to Millerna in some ways, but she could never be as graceful or poised as her, and Millerna was considered a tom boy by Gaea's standards.

However, while that was a personal concern she had in regards to fitting in on Gaea, she knew that was not what Van was asking of her. If he had wanted a perfect lady then he would have chosen one. That only brought up the quandary of what exactly he was looking for.

She could think back on her actions throughout the war and point out the times she had made him feel inadequate. However, in direct contrast, the months directly after the war, things had seemed so perfect between them. She had thought they'd found their balance. They worked together and understood one another. So, what had changed between then to now?

Hitomi frowned as she placed the comforter cover into the wash and started the laundry. Was their understanding only due to the flush of a new relationship?

Hitomi shook her head and snorted at her own stupid thought. No, if it had only been a new relationship, then there should have been more moments of discord, even in the rush. So, there must have been something she had done in that time that soothed this need of his.

… but… what was it?

She had to let it go for the time being when the laundry was washing, and Yukari and Amano had packed up and were making their way out of the house. Overthinking things wouldn't help much anyway. She also needed to sit down and discuss an actual time frame for leaving, put the rest of her life here in order, and wrap her head around the awkwardness that was having both Van and Allen sitting in her home on Earth looking uncomfortable and restless.

"I'll walk you out." She offered, leaving Van with a small smile and a look to Anil which she hoped he understood, before quickly walking out with Yukari and Amano. They only had two small bags between them which they easily placed in the back of their car before turning to say their good byes. Amano, being the kind person that he was gave her a smile and a gentle pat to her shoulder before getting into the car and allowing her time to speak with Yukari in a more private setting.

"You better not leave before this weekend." Yukari threatened. "And you know Susumu and I will be there too. And don't forget to call your mother and let her know about the new guests."

"I know. I know. I'm not that clueless."

Yukari gave her a look that said she doubted that and Hitomi laughed shaking her head. She was suddenly overcome with the feeling that she didn't want Yukari to leave. It felt so final and all too soon. She pressed her lips together to keep from speaking and begging her best friend to stay.

"You know," Yukari began, her expression somewhere between bemused and reluctant, "I've given him a lot of trouble, but you haven't been happy since you left Gaea." The pronouncement made her eyes widen in shock and her mouth fell open which made Yukari flush and force a smile of bravado.

"Really, and, I mean, the guy came all the way here when he didn't have to… he's really late but, from what I hear, and from what I've seen, he's a good man."

"Yukari…"

"You tell him that and I will deny it." Yukari said, her lips quirked and it lightened the emotional mood.

"Of course." Hitomi agreed wiping her eyes free of the moisture that suddenly gathered there. "… thank you."

"I'm being honest, Hitomi. I may not like him… or see what it is you find so attractive—well aside from that tight body… I mean, punching him nearly broke my hand."

"Yu—Yukari!"

"Hey, you said the same thing about my husband's butt."

Hitomi flushed and hoped to every god she knew that Amano didn't hear that. "I'm sorry and I take it back! Let's not… discuss this." Hitomi's face could have cooked an egg, which was ridiculous seeing as she had a six-year-old son and Yukari was pregnant so neither should be embarrassed anymore. Yukari laughed, her own cheeks tinted pink.

"Fine. But, my point is… you love him. Even I can see that, and I'm pretty sure he loves you. So don't over think it."

"I won't."

"Good." Yukari nodded, turned to the car door, paused and turned back giving her a hard hug. "…just, don't leave without a good bye, okay?"

Hitomi returned the hug and nodded her head. This was the third time in less than twenty-four hours that Yukari had said these exact words. It seemed watching Hitomi vanish into a blue beam of light was more traumatic then they had ever discussed.

"I won't. I'll be sure to have a proper send off this time."

"You better."

The hug ended and Yukari returned to the car and the two drove away. Hitomi waited until the car had turned the corner before returning to the house. She was unsurprised to find all three of the occupants standing in the living room upon her return. The heavy awkwardness returned and so Hitomi busied herself with setting Allen up in the spare room and showing them how the bathroom worked. Thankfully, Gaea had indoor plumbing, but electric lights were completely new and remarkably confounding for them(3).

After a brief explanation on how electricity worked, which was rudimentary at best, the discussion moved on to other items around the house. Allen seemed quite taken by the photographs, which reminded Hitomi that she needed to show Van the photo albums of Anil. She would have taken them out right then and there, but felt that his first time seeing them should be private. Especially since she wrote personalized notes inside them and so she let the moment pass.

The rest of the afternoon, honestly passed with little to nothing of note. Dinner was a simple affair, a chicken dish, vegetable side with rice and miso soup. Anil helped her with the dishes and then dragged his father into his room to see his drawings. Hitomi waited until six before forcing Anil into the bathroom. She took over the scrubbing of her son, promising he and daddy could bathe together the next day.

It was bizarrely normal. All too soon, she was wishing Allen goodnight, and hustling Anil into his room, his teeth freshly brushed, his hair dry and smelling of his tear free shampoo.

"Mommy, I want Daddy and you to put me to bed." His request was said from half buried in the soft fabric of his much loved stuffed dragon. His red power ranger pajamas looked fluffy and warm. Anil looked younger than six and her heart melted for her little boy.

"I have no complaints. What about you, daddy?" She asked of Van playfully, but soon flushed when he stiffened, looking at her in shock at the title she'd used and for some reason his cheeks turned pink. She had no idea why it had affected him in that way, but his discomfort caused her to feel awkward and she quickly turned back to Anil. "Come on, let's get you to bed."

"But, Daddy, are you coming?"

She didn't turn around again, but assumed Van had nodded or something when Anil allowed her to pull him into his room and into his bed. She tucked him in tightly, kissing him and whispering epithets into his cheeks and ears until Anil giggled and kissed her back. She was far too aware of Van when he leaned in beside her to kiss Anil's forehead and wish him good dreams.

"Daddy, stay until I fall asleep? Mommy, always sings me to sleep." His tiny hand snagged Van's larger one and Hitomi's chest tightened with emotions when she saw how Van smiled and complied with the request. Van had always been handsome, this she had known, but when she watched him care for his son, he became so much more. She could hardly breathe around the feelings the image brought up it was also bittersweet.

I denied him this.

"Mommy?"

"?"

"The song?" Anil asked and then frowned a little, "Are you okay?"

It was only after he asked that she realized that her expression must have been poor, especially when Van was also looking at her in concern. She forced a smile and shook her head. "I'm fine. I'm just so happy to have you both here."

Anil accepted that answer and closed his eyes as she ran her fingers through his hair. Van's presence was warm at her side, but she tried not to focus on it too much or she would lose her nerve. She had never excelled much in music, however, Anil didn't care much about her aptitude or skill, all that mattered was that it was her voice.

It was less singing than it was humming, as she didn't know the words, but Anil smiled, snuggling deeper into his sheets. She knew the moment Van recognized the tune as she felt his gaze burn into her. She didn't have the nerve to face him in case she had somehow gotten the melody wrong, she was humming it from memory alone after all, so she hummed through the entire song before chancing a glance at him.

Van's expression was complicated, and it wasn't entirely good, though she thought it might have been similar to what hers had been when observing them; over-joyed with a tinge of remorse, guilt or regret. She wasn't certain of that, until she started the song over and Van began to quietly sing the words at her side.

It was a song from Fanelia, a lullaby he had told her about; one he had shared with her in the months after the war had completed. When the still darkness of the night became too oppressive, when sleep was so far removed she was jittery, Van had kindly sung this song from his childhood. Neither of them had a particularly good singing voice, but to her, he was on par with any siren or angel of myth. Simply, because it was Van singing, and it was the song he'd given to her when she had been the most afraid.

Her eyes stung with tears but they didn't fall. She felt invigorated and full of contentment in this moment. This was what she had wanted all this time. Nothing big and fancy, just her small family, together in a room, sharing the same space, air and sound; their feelings connected and the same.

Things still weren't perfect, they weren't 'fixed' by any means, and there were still many things she was worried about, but this moment was a reminder of why she was doing this. Her family was worth the risk of faith. She smiled as Anil's breathing slowed and evened out and looked to Van. His expression was equally soft, his mouth curled up in a small smile of his own, and she felt his hand slide against hers, their fingers intertwining.

A.N. So, when I first drafted this chapter, I had written a segment about Hitomi reacting to Van's request in a manner that was a little more feminist. However, it came across as forced and didn't really fit with her character. While this is being posted in 2020, the story itself is taking place in 2003 and Hitomi grew up in the 80's and 90's. I hope none of you feel like I am making her "subservient" or that Van is asking her to suppress her independence. That is not what is being said and is not what I am trying to imply. I do think that a running theme in The Vision of Escaflowne is the fact that Hitomi doesn't depend on Van. When he rescues her, she assumed it was Allen. She calls out to Allen when she has a nightmare and when she has visions. Time and time again, we see her actively telling Van in both actions and words that he can't protect her. I think that coupled with her choosing Allen is really what pushed him to kill so indiscriminately right before Hitomi runs away to Earth in the anime. So, I wanted to bring that up here. I hope this all came across well without me beating it over you heads.

1) In 1997 the Yakuza were still powerful enough to murder a well known TV/Movie director and have the police not even investigate it. As early as 2005, people in the news and TV industry still receive threats for trying to speak out against the Yakuza and sadly, there is still not enough the police force can do according to this link and others I have looked into briefly: 2011/11/04/the-killing-of-juzo-itami/. Now, I am no expert on this and things could be different now or I am misunderstanding, I just wanted to explain this here for those who may know more. And Fumio's belief on people is his own, and as I said before, he's a very sad person.

2) Again this is NOT my personal view of things. I just believe, having re-watched the anime recently, that Gaea has a very outdated view on gender roles and taking into account Van's nearly obsessive belief that he needed to be strong, perfect and never turn his back on his enemies, that he would also feel that if he didn't stand up to how society on Gaea viewed men, that he had somehow failed. Let's face it, Van looked almost upset when Hitomi kept rescuing him, almost as though he somehow felt that he was less of a man because of it. He also was WAY too happy that first time he was able to save Hitomi from the Geko men. I do not think he could change this in just seven short years. As such, he suffers from this inferiority complex still. Hitomi's independence also causes more pain than typical as well.

3) I can't think of a single instance in which this is actually true, however, the idea of them using chamber pots gives me the willies so I am saying they have plumbing.