Four Years Chapter 19, an escaflowne fanfic

A.N. Happy Easter Sunday! Or the Day after depending on when you all get access to this chapter. However you chose to celebrate, be it religious, sugar coma-inducing egg-laying bunnies or if this is just another day in your life, I hope it's a good day for all of you. I hope you enjoy this chapter, though honestly, not much time actually passes in it… this chapter is mostly for character introspective and the like.

Disclaimer: I do not own The Vision of Escaflowne nor any of the characters therein, this is purely non-profit fanmade fluff.

"Most of the shadows of this life are caused by our standing in our own sunshine."

-Ralph Waldo Emerson

Chapter 19: Of One's Own Making

Fourteenth Day of the Eleventh Month

Final Year of Lotica

Gaea

The first white flakes of the year drifted lazily down from the thick grey clouds that blanketed the vast sky above Fanelia. He had seen them fall many times before, and he now knew he'd see them many times to come, yet for some reason, these first flakes were much more memorable. Was it because he had thought seven months ago that he might never see such things again? Or was it due to the fact that despite fire and war, Fanelia had risen from the ashes and was standing tall despite the damage? Or was it simply because his thoughts were wondering to the person his heart most yearned for and wondering if she too were watching crystalized ice float down from the heavens and thinking of him in return?

Van sighed, his breath escaping as a vapor cloud that dissipated almost as quickly as it appeared and he closed his eyes to focus on the link that hummed between them. It was a comfort to feel Hitomi even if it was only a gentle pulse of feelings that weren't his; even if those emotions sometimes seemed so impersonal. Since her return, what he had received had been almost constant; frustration, sadness, determination, reassurance and anxiety. The repetition was stagnant and somehow felt distant though Van couldn't explain exactly why that was.

At night, when the feelings were strongest and most direct, he received more positive feelings from her. Those he interpreted to be what she felt when thinking of him; longing, joy, love and anticipation. What this told him was that she was having a hard time but did not want him to intervene. It was a blow to his ego and pride, but he would respect her wishes. She had asked for four years and unless she sent him some sign, he intended to wait until then.

The tenth month of the fourth year of Carusfatum…

He sighed closing his eyes and reminding his heart of the date. It had become a habit, first to calm his nerves that demanded he run off to bring Hitomi back to him, and now he did it out of mild anxiety and fear that he may forget. It was a foolish thought, as he doubted he could actually forget something so important, but as the weeks passed and his connection to Hitomi stayed almost repetative, he was finding it easier to make it through the day with only a single passing thought about her.

Granted his days had been busy, and honestly he hardly had the time to remember to eat, but it worried him how quickly he was adjusting to her absence. How easy it was to live his daily routine without her consistently in the forefront of his mind.

This is normal right? You can love and miss someone without thinking of them every second of every day…

Van frowned just as he heard his door open behind him and Merle's voice petered in, "Lord Van, the letters you were waiting for have arrived." He heard her pad across the floor of his office without turning from the open window. "Why is it so cold in—Ah! Lord Van why do you have the window open?"

After her exclamation, she ran to his side, likely to pull the windows closed when she must have caught sight of what had made him open the window in the first place as she halted. Her own clouded breath drifted up from his side a moment later.

"The first snow." He didn't respond; he didn't really have to. They stood shoulder to shoulder watching the fall of white for a long moment before he turned away and pulled the letters from her hand in the same movement he made to return to his desk. A heartbeat after, he heard Merle close the window and return to his side.

"Looks like Fiefs Alteus and Tomlin are in the best condition overall." Merle said with a shrug, "… and according to Ruhm, Fief Idus and Seraph are in the worst condition and may not produce this year at all."

"I assume that means Tarra and Emos are neither the worst nor in the best condition?" Van asked, breaking the wax with the newly minted seals of the new Fiefs to see what the nobles he had placed had to say about the lands for themselves.

"Oh, so we are going with Tarra not Sid as the head of the Fief?" Merle sounded surprised, but he thought he heard a note of satisfaction from her.

"Tarra is the one who is actually from Idus's bloodline. She has the on hand knowledge and from what I saw, the drive to prove herself and separate from her father's shadow and suppression." He explained. "I think she will better serve my needs than her husband who might still feel the need to engender himself to his father-in-law."

"Hmmm." Merle hummed walking over and peering over his shoulder at the letters. It was rude and more than that, it was a breach of protocol, but Van allowed it. Merle was like his sister and though he couldn't actually give her a title of her own, he ensured that within the walls of his home, she was given special consideration and respect. "She will have a hard time of things, being the only woman to receive such a title."

"Perhaps it's time we start embracing a change."

"… you have changed, Lord Van."

"…"

Merle smiled and hugged him around the neck. "Hitomi has been good for you."

He ignored the comment. "Asturia is under the rule of a lone, female, ruler. Millerna is more than capable and skilled for the job. I am merely following her lead and entrusting another talented and driven woman to positions in which they will succeed."

"Uh-huh. And Hitomi had nothing to do with that." He could hear the eye roll in Merle's words. It irked him a little which is why he said what he did next.

"Who's to say it wasn't you?"

Merle froze and then snorted very loudly, making him start. "Lord Van, as much as I appreciate that, I know that I did not accomplish anything that would stand out like that."

"Didn't you?" He turned to his best friend and met her gaze steadily. Merle seemed shocked. "You came all the way to Castello to find Hitomi and I; alone. You stayed by our sides despite danger and kept all of us together." Van patted her head, smiling. "You showed bravery, courage and loyalty on par with any knight."

"Lord Van…" Merle's eyes were tearing up at his praise.

"You, Millerna and Hitomi all opened my eyes to the capabilities and strength of women. Don't sell yourself short." He returned to the letters.

For the most part, what Merle had reported seemed to be reflected in the words he read, though only Tarra's letter was so blunt and direct. The others seemed to hedge around the issue or soften the severity of their situation by pointing out the progress that had been made. It was clear that despite their care and quick work in planting the winter wheat, next year's harvest would be a low yield and Van couldn't be too hopeful for the following year either.

He sighed and pulled out a clean sheet of paper. He would need to send a letter to Millerna informing her of this. He'd reach out to the others when he had proof of this to share. Right now, though, he felt it was best to inform his ally of the potential difficulty.

"So, will you be adding them to the council?"

"…" It took a moment for Van to follow what Merle was talking about, and when he did, he frowned unsure of how to answer her. He was reluctant to bring in the new leaders of the fiefs and that had been an ongoing issue since the start. While Hitomi's suggestion had been the best solution, it did not yet prevent the nepotism he was concerned with. The current heads were still closely linked to the houses of Emos and Idus and while a few were genuinely eager to break with their family, Tarra in particular, it would be a few generations yet before a true break could be achieved.

Bringing Tarra, Alteus, Seraph and Tomlin onto the council would not benefit him. It could also cause internal complications particularly in the case of Tarra and her father. So, he did not wish to bring any of them into the council. However, the longer he let the positions remain empty, the more power Emos and Idus gained. He had to prevent that as well.

"No."

"Oh." Merle sounded a bit disappointed.

"Do you wish to see a woman on the council so badly?" He asked with a chuckle and Merle waved her hands in denial.

"No, not really. I just thought it would be nice to watch those jerks squirm and have to take a woman's suggestions seriously for once…"

Van smirked. " As much as I would like to see that, I don't think it would help me to keep the council so secular."

"…" Merle made a face. "So… what are you going to do?"

"I have been speaking with Ruhm about trying to bring Bora onto the council."

"Chief Bora?"

"Retired, but yes." Van corrected. He wanted to get knowledge and voices from outside of Fanelia's immediate walls, and since his journey with Hitomi, he'd come to see the stigmatism and outright racism shown to the beastmen. He wanted to reduce that in Fanelia, both for Merle's sake and for the betterment of Fanelia as a whole. By placing Bora, who was already considered to be a wise and great leader, on his council of elders, then he would be making a large step in the direction he wished to go. "It would strengthen relationships with Arzas and it would vary the voices in the council."

"Oh. Is that why you were thinking of appointing Trent and Gaho?"

"How'd you hear about that?" Van asked. It hadn't even been made official yet. He had only just spoken to them that morning about potentially doing so. Allen had been wary but supportive of the idea and had actually suggested these two as the best fit of the knights despite Trent's relatively young age.

"The maids are whispering about it." Merle said matter of fact with a shrug. "The walls have ears, Lord Van."

"I'll remember that."

"So, why put two knights on the council anyway? I mean, aside from driving Emos and Idus crazy."

"I want to hear the voices of those not part of the nobility of Fanelia. Trent and Gaho come from the common families and have the unique view from those who place their lives directly in the defense of Fanelia." He paused and let out a large breath reclining against his chair. "Besides, I would like to place more power in that position. Those who directly place their lives beneath the protection of Fanelia deserve more respect than what is currently given."

"… that makes sense."

Silence returned and he took the opportunity to write the letter that he would be sending to Millerna and waited for the ink to dry.

"If you had already heard the gossip, why did you ask if I would be bringing in the other fiefs?"

"Oh. Well, I wanted to know if the rumor was true or not. That was the fastest way I could get the answer with out directly asking."

"Hm."

"What about the last position?" Merle asked head cocked to the side. "Do you plan to fill it or are you going to leave it empty for now?"

"I don't know." It was as honest as he could be. Leaving the position empty for too long would put whoever he did appoint at a disadvantage. They would have little support or power and could be easily over-looked if they didn't have a strong voice and backbone. That meant that he would have to be even more particular in placing the last person to ensure they would be able to speak up and hold their own in a previously established council.

However, he did not have anyone in mind that could fill the current void and he did not want to act out of haste.

"I'm sure you'll think of something." Merle said confidently. She hung around a little longer, reminding him that he should eat lunch before leaving. Left alone once more, Van looked back to the window and reached out to touch the link between himself and Hitomi. As usual, he only felt the distant hum of muted feelings. She was frustrated and a little disappointed for some reason. It was amusingly close to how he was feeling. He didn't wish to bother her and so didn't try to gain her attention he merely let himself rest a moment against that small filament of her that remained with him.

I need to be patient. The answer will present itself.

Van's fingers rose to the pendant that hung from his neck and gently ran his fingertips over its smooth surface. Hitomi had always placed such faith in the tiny object. While he wasn't foolish enough to make wishes upon it, he was willing to think of it as a guide. It had shown him how to see the unseen, and it had brought Hitomi to him, so, he would place some faith in the small innocuous item. He would wait for the right person to fill out his council to find him. He was confident that he would recognize their potential when presented with them.

Hitomi… is it snowing where you are? Do you feel this same disconnect? Are you waiting like I am?

Van closed his eyes allowing a moment of doubt and self-pity before he shook it from him, his grip tightening upon the pendant. If he had time for such useless contemplations, then he had time to work.

I am being stupid.

The snow continued to fall and collect soundlessly, like unspoken emotions, around him. Silencing; muffling, the world in smothering stillness that felt a bit too much like death.

Eighteenth Day of the Ninth Month

Seventh Year of Carusfatum

Earth

There was a restlessness that he could not account for after the pleasant waking he had received. Combined with the most restful sleep he'd had since Hitomi's departure, it made no sense as to why Van felt so twitchy. His sleep had been dreamless which meant free of nightmares and memories that tended to pull him into the darker places of his mind. He experienced also had the joy of being woken by his son's smiling face and watching Hitomi squirm with embarrassment when she retold why she had chosen the name she had.

Her reasoning was odd and slightly silly, but also very touching. She had wanted to give Anil some connection to himself. It was satisfying, despite the fact that he had not actively participated in the naming process. The uncomfortable feeling in his chest tightened at the thought.

Was it that?

Van frowned and lifted the book Hitomi had pulled out the night before from the table in the main room to look through the pages; at the pictures they held. It was still heart-warming to see the meticulous care she'd taken to preserve every moment but it was equally as painful, knowing that he had not experienced it himself.

Am I still upset about not getting to name him? To hold him… announce him to the world?

Van frowned, eyes looking down upon the squished, plump face of Anil as a new born. He couldn't say that Anil was a beautiful baby, but from his experience, all babies were ugly at first, his son had been no exception (1). That did not mean his chest didn't ache from the fact that all he could do was look at this portrait of that time. That he could not have the memory of that squished new being in his arms. He was grateful for the small miracle Hitomi had granted him in the form of these books, of course, but he was also quietly bitter and jealous of those depicted in the pictures holding his son; living the moments that should have been his.

"The technology here is miraculous." Allen said from behind him and Van started, glowering at the taller man as he peered down over Van's shoulder at the pictures. "Did Hitomi create a record for you?"

Van slowly looked back to the book in his hands and let the bitterness ease away, chased out by the warmth of Hitomi's kindness; the reminder that she had done all she could to include him. "Yes."

"That was thoughtful of her."

"It was." Van agreed a small smile tilting the corners of his lips upward and further warding off the bitterness that still lurked in the darkness of his heart and mind.

"Are those markings her language then?" Allen pointed to the notes Hitomi had meticulously made beside each photo. "Did she read them to you?"

Allen was being almost uncharacteristically nosey, though Van suspected this was his own irritating way of ensuring that Van understood Hitomi's intentions behind the gift. It was mildly frustrating that Allen thought he knew Hitomi better than Van himself, but considering all that had happened, he couldn't call the annoying man out for it. Besides, it didn't cost him anything to answer Allen's questions as they were posed. It could, actually prove to be cathartic to some extent.

"Most of them." Van remembered how midway through the second book Hitomi had grown tired. He wondered if she would be willing to pick up again after Allen and Anil were once more in bed tonight. He dearly wished to know everything she had chronicled; every thought and emotion. He might never get to live these memories, but he could still know of them. It was more than he had expected to get and he was desperate to have it.

If this is all I can have… at least I can treasure what she kept safe… for me.

Allen reached out for another album and Van tensed. He was unexpectedly possessive over these tombs that Hitomi had carefully prepared for him and he wanted to snatch it away from Allen. He refrained, if only just, and was relieved when Allen didn't open it. The knight turned the album over in his hand, inspecting the binding before setting it back down with the care one might give to an unstable energyst and Van let out a breath he'd been unaware of having held.

"These are well made."

The implication was clear and Van understood what it was Allen was trying to say with the statement. Hitomi had put a lot of time, effort and likely money into preserving these for him. Van didn't need the reminder. He was well aware of the treasure he held in his hands. His bitterness and his lingering hurt were his to deal with and he would not let them color his interactions with Hitomi in the future. He had already forgiven her and would not hold them against her, despite what Allen clearly thought.

"I am lucky." He said in response, unwilling to share anymore of the tenderness he had received from Hitomi's presentation last night, and not comfortable saying anymore to Allen either. Besides, he didn't own that to Allen.

A silence passed in which Van carefully replaced the albums in the place where Hitomi had pulled them from; protecting them and placing them out of Allen's reach in one action. Was it petty? Yes. Did he feel remorseful for it? No.

Allen was smirking when he turned and Van pretended not to notice. He knew he was acting childish but he was allowed to indulge in a little selfishness once in a while.

"So we are slated to leave in four days time?"

"… as of right now that is our time frame." Van confirmed, aware that things might change depending on the tasks Hitomi had mentioned needing to take care of.

"…" Allen had a frown on his face that Van was fairly certain he understood.

"I was prepared to take a week."

"I remember." Allen returned expression no less stern. "However, remaining here unnecessarily could be a mistake."

It was a logical warning. Van had already experienced the dangers this unknown world presented in the form of the man named Fumio. While a mild irritant, overall, he was a factor that Van could not easily account for. He had left easily enough, but would he stay away? Was he as harmless as Hitomi implied, or was he merely biding his time? What if some other issue arose while they were here? What if another accident occurred and he was unable to be contacted?

What if staying here too long make Hitomi decide not to leave at all?

Van closed his eyes and pushed those thoughts and worries from his mind violently. He had promised to trust Hitomi in regards to this matter, and he intended to do just that. He also would not rush Hitomi as she had a life here to say goodbye to. He had told Anil that they had to wait to come here and he had done so for good reason, the same was most likely true in this case. Just because he didn't understand it, didn't make it any less true or important to Hitomi, and he was finished making poor decisions in regards to her.

"… if Hitomi deems this time necessary, then it is." Van said his eyes closed, tone firm. This was a perfect opportunity to put into practice something he had considered and planned before leaving Fanelia. Van took the time to begin implementing both his own personal habit as well as a new expectation. In that single sentence he was impressing the fact that as of this moment, Hitomi was Queen of Fanelia, and what matters she deemed important were not to be dismissed. Period.

This action would be a way to support her silently while giving her the power and ability to stand against her opposition with her own merit and strength with only the reminder that his power was backing her own should anyone be foolish enough to think she was merely a figurehead.

While he knew Allen would not contest her will, this issue was something he knew from experience, would crop up often if he did not take action now against it. He would need to support and restate Hitomi's position and the respect it deserved frequently upon their return to Fanelia. Especially, in front of Emos, Idus, Gaho and possibly Trent.

While Sorna's presence on his council had helped to sway the preconceived notions that many had about a woman's ability to lead, as had Millerna's solo rule prior to remarrying Dryden, it was still rather unique to see a woman's power taken seriously. Fanelia, in particular, had a long history of the King being in power and the Queen presiding merely as a figurehead. His own mother had often had difficulty with this and he could still recall the dismissive way she was treated even within the palace itself after his father had passed.

He intended to change that.

Not just for Hitomi's sake, but for all the women in Fanelia; Merle and any daughters he and Hitomi may have included. That change would need to begin with him and the firm stance he would take against statements such as the one Allen had just made, however well intended.

"Of course." Allen said, brow raised and he sighed, crossing his arms over his chest. "I would, however, recommend that we return as quickly as possible."

"As we all would, Hitomi included." Van returned hand braced on his hip and watching Allen from the corner of his eye.

"…" Allen let out another sigh as he backed down. "Right."

The conversation ended there and Van almost missed the slight change to Allen's expression. It was not merely dissatisfaction that resided there, but a worry that seemed out of place. Van wondered if maybe Allen wasn't speaking so much about their current situation as he was another problem Van hadn't taken into consideration.

"… this isn't about Hitomi's time schedule, is it?"

Allen made a face and ran a hand over his head. "… I apologize, my mind is… elsewhere it would seem."

"…" When it came to Allen Schezar, there were two things that he held above all else; his sister and his men. Van went out on a limb and guessed which it was that had him so antsy. "I am sure Celena is fine."

"!" From the reaction it only confirmed his guess had been correct.

"Millerna and Chid are there. While they may not be used to her antics and how to manage her, Gaddas will likely pick up where they might fail."

And after seven years in contact with me personally, I do not think Dilandau will reappear.

"You are right." Allen let out a breath and Van nodded in understanding. He imagined his worry and concern for Merle was similar to how Allen felt about Celena. While Merle had proven herself to be a woman he could trust to take care of herself in the last seven years, Celena's circumstances made that harder to accept, he imagined.

I did not take this into account when asking him to come. I should have.

Van had just reached out to place a hand upon Allen's shoulder to express his sincerity and apology when Hitomi's voice carried over to them from the hall.

"Breakfast is ready."

Looking over, Van felt a soft warmth upon seeing both Hitomi and Anil standing and awaiting them, and it cleanly wiped away all other thoughts. Smiling he made his way to them, walking back to the table they had eaten at the day before, Allen silently trailing behind him. The food was simple and smelled good and he relaxed further into the atmosphere, letting go of his anxiety over both Allen's predicament as well as his earlier concerns.

Allen was a grown man and Van had given him the option to come along or stay behind. Allen had made his choice, and Van would not think anymore on it. As for the time he'd missed out on, there was no way he could get that time back more efficiently than through the books Hitomi had compiled for him.

I may have missed much… but from here on out, I will be a part of those memories. And those of any future children.

That would have to be enough.

She had sent Anil off to clean his room and had escaped to start breakfast before Van could respond to her lame response to his question. When choosing the name in the first place, she had thought it was clever and cool. Now, she felt it was a bit silly. She still loved the name she had chosen for her son, but her reasons now seemed a bit childish.

She chose the name Anil because it sounded similar to "angel". Not enough so to be confused for the word 'angel', but close enough that it reminded her of it. Knowing the name meant wind, and was the name of a God of wind, reminded her of the story of Escaflowne, and then, knowing the wind god was also called Vayu which shared the first two letters with Van's name she had thought it was perfect. That it was, to some small degree, fate.

Can I blame the hormones for that?

Her cheeks burned from her own embarrassment as she made up rice, tamago, a simple miso soup and pulled out the furikake (2). The rolled sweet egg was Anil's favorite and she wanted to spoil him a little this morning, and it was easier to focus on her son than deal with her teenage silliness.

It didn't take long and soon the rice cooker beeped, the sweet egg was plated and sliced and she had placed the bowls of soup and rice at the table with the Tamago and furikake in the center. She then went to retrieve her boys. She found Van and Allen standing in the front room looking at the photo albums she had left out. They were speaking softly and she couldn't really hear what was being discussed, but for some reason, she felt she shouldn't interrupt. So, she went ahead to Anil's room.

Her baby was heavily contemplating what to bring between two stacks of books that, from a glance seemed to be Power Rangers and Pokémon. He seemed so deeply serious that Hitomi had to stifle a laugh. The moment she did though, she remembered that he was making that face because they were leaving for good and she hadn't even sat him down to explain what leaving actually meant.

He may wish to go but… he probably doesn't understand what that means.

She wondered if it was right to keep quiet on those facts. Most children did not get a say in when and where they moved. However, most children didn't leave the planet. Despite knowing they were going to leave, and Anil had said he wanted to live in Fanelia, Hitomi felt it was important that Anil understand now, what that move would ultimately mean. It would be cruel to keep silent. She did not wish to continue to make the same mistakes she'd made with Van. Gathering her courage, she entered the room to have that talk with him.

"Hey, how are you doing in here?"

"… can I really only bring one bag?" At the petulant question she couldn't contain the laugh and she came to crouch down beside him on the floor.

"See what fits and then tell us what else you wanted to bring and we shall see." She rubbed his head and then pulled him into her lap hugging him tightly. "Anil. I know you already answered this, and I am happy you want to go, but I need to be sure."

"About what?"

"… when we go, we won't be able to come back here for a long time."

"How come?" Anil asked his head cocked cutely to the side his face scrunched up. "Is it because of the things daddy had to do before we could come get you?"

"Yes. Partially…" Hitomi wasn't entirely certain what all Van had to do before they could leave, but from their discussion last night, she imagined it was getting a head start on relief aid and measures for the La Nina phenomenon. If they were ever able to return to visit Earth, there would likely be a lot of planning and complications that would go into it. "Do you remember how Uncle Amano once lived far away across the ocean?"

"Yeah. You said it was before I was born."

"Yes. Well, it was very hard for him to travel back here so he didn't visit all that often. Moving to Gaea will be like that."

"Oh."

"Do you understand what that means?"

Anil shook his head and Hitomi took a deep breath, contemplating how to explain it to him. She didn't want him to make this choice and then regret it later, though her heart constricted when she considered the problems she would have if Anil said he changed his mind and wanted to stay here on Earth.

Van and I will figure it out if he does… no more secrets…

"Well, we won't be able to see Yukari or Amano for a long time. Grandma, Grandpa and uncle Mamoru either."

Anil's mouth dropped open in a little 'oh' as the realization dawned. Her hear constricted as that look turned into a sad moue as her baby turned to press against her side.

"Anil." Hitomi pulled the little boy into her lap, snuggling him close. "I'm not saying this to make you change your mind or make you sad, baby. I just want you to know what it means."

"… should I not want to go?"

"Oh, Vayu… no. It's good if you want to go. This was the plan wasn't it? I always told you one day we'd leave with daddy."

"… but… I don't want to say goodbye to grandma and grandpa…"

"It's not forever sweetie. It's okay to miss them and mommy and daddy will do all we can so you can see them again, okay?"

Anil nodded, rubbing at his eyes that were bright with unshed tears. "Okay."

"You still want to live in Fanelia though, don't you?"

Anil silently contemplated her words for a long time before answering her with a solid conviction that reminded her so much of Van. "Yes."

"Okay then." She kissed his sweet baby head, happy that he wanted to go, and proud of him for being so brave. "I want you to be happy, Anil. No matter what, so you tell me how you feel. Always be honest with me."

"Okay, Mommy." Anil again had that cutely determined face as he nodded his head. She kissed his little scrunched nose and then lead him from the room and back toward the kitchen. She had to pass close to the front room and so she poked her head inside where Van and Allen were still talking.

"Breakfast is ready." At her announcement both men turned to her and Hitomi couldn't stop the bright smile that lit her face. She had missed everyone on Gaea, much like she would miss everyone here on earth when they left. Seeing Van and Allen here brought a sense of joy and excitement she simply couldn't contain. Those feelings brought an epiphany that she had not realized, at least, not fully, until just now. She was ready, knowing that she knew Anil was, honestly okay with leaving, she could focus on what needed to be accomplished to do so, and that made her happy.

She shuffled back into the kitchen mentally making a list of tasks for herself as the others filed in and took their seats around her table.

I should pull Anil from school, quit my position… that is going to put them in a bad spot but…

She looked up at Van from across the table as he inspected the seasoned topping with a critical eye while Anil tried to convince him to put it on his egg and rice. She cared about her family more than she cared for those she worked for. Putting in her two week notice would be stupid and she couldn't keep Van and Allen here that long anyway. She wasn't planning to return so burning bridges didn't much matter.

She might feel a little guilty over it, but she would get over that relatively quick. The school had both been a source of humiliation and validation over the last seven years. While she felt gratified and a little indebted to the school dean for the job opportunity, especially considering her past, those feelings did not outweigh those she felt for Van and certainly didn't outweigh those she had for her son.

I should stop by and get the legal paperwork to turn over to my parents too.

"So, dare I ask what is on the agenda for today?" Allen asked after swallowing a mouthful of food. He had already proved himself brave enough to add and eat the furikake and seemed to have no real reaction positive or negative towards it.

Van still had not attempted it.

"Well, I suppose I should stop by the local police station and report Anil's return." Hitomi paused taking a bite of rice into her mouth and chewing thoughtfully. "I would also like to stop by Anil's kindergarten class and inform them that he has been found but that we are moving… I should meet with my school office and officially quit… those three tasks should be relatively quick."

She smiled as she ticked off the tasks on her fingers. "I think I'd like to accomplish as much as possible today and tomorrow. If I can do that, I could ask my parents as well as Amano and Yukari if we could all meet up on Saturday to say our goodbyes and then we could leave by Sunday morning instead of on Monday."

Van was staring at her, concern evident in his gaze and it made her stomach flutter with butterflies. "What brought this on?"

"… it seems like things are busy in Fanelia right now. From what we spoke about last night… they are only going to get busier. It would be best if we can return as soon as possible."

"… you don't have to rush on our account." Van offered, his expression soft but she could see that the prospect of leaving even one day sooner appealed to him. It was in the bright look of his eyes, and the light grip of his fist. However, she could also tell that he was trying gallantly not to let that slip. He was clearly trying to give her the time she needed and that was sweet. She smiled and took a bite of tamago, chewing meticulously before swallowing and then responding.

"I'm not." She said cheekily. "I'm doing it for the sake of our home and people." She purposefully put emphasis on the term and felt satisfied when Van's eyes turned intense in that warm way that she adored.

"I don't want you to have any regrets." He returned and again she nodded her head in his direction. "Take the time you need."

"I don't and I am."

Allen had a puzzled look to his face but stayed silent for which she was grateful. They weren't actually talking about Fanelia or her plans anymore after all, and Allen really had no business understanding the words unspoken between them but clearly understood.

A small silence fell while they all ate, but was eventually broken when Anil took notice of the fact that his father wasn't eating the seasoning.

"Dad, you eat the rice with the furikake." Anil pointed with his chopsticks and then showed Van in an exaggerated manner how to do it. "See, like this."

"…" Van looked at the topping and made a face. It was rather adorable.

He didn't seem picky before… he even served that odd looking meal when we were camping out with no expression.

Hitomi thought, perhaps this expression of reluctance was due to his being comfortable with her, or perhaps he'd become picky with age. The thought made her laugh witch gained her a frown from Van.

"Here, Daddy, I'll help you." Anil then proceeded to dump the seasoning atop of Van's rice before he could stop the action.

"!" Van stared, horrified at his rice and a little of his color bled out of his cheeks, only to quickly return when Anil then tried to feed him. Hitomi had to cover her mouth with her hand and hold her breath to keep her humor in check.

After some more prodding from their son, however, he did in fact try a bite. He then seemed surprised to like the flavor as his brows lifted and he looked down at his food as though it had somehow lied to him.

Hitomi changed tactics and hid her laugh behind a glass of water and focused upon her food. After a few more bites she turned to Allen and finished answering his question.

"To answer your question, Allen, I'll be going out after breakfast to take care of at least three tasks today. After that, I'll make a few calls and hopefully finish the last up tomorrow."

"I see. Then we will be leaving shortly." Allen confirmed and Hitomi realized with a sinking dread that Allen thought they all would be going on this trip. While she had fantasized about going on a date with Allen once when she was fifteen, the reality of walking around Tokyo with two men dressed as they were made her wince.

While she thought Van looked particularly good in his clothes, they were certain to turn heads and not particularly in a good way on the streets. No, it would be faster and less conspicuous if she went out alone.

"No, thank you, Allen, I can go by myself." The second the words left her mouth she felt the silence fall as Van's head turned and his gaze burned into her. She had a moment to reflect upon her word choice before Van spoke up, and in a breath everything shifted.

"I am coming with you." It wasn't a question.

It was a demand.

Allen had been concerned for many reasons. He was worried about Celena, the affairs back in Fanelia, the approaching winter, and, after the arrival of that man from the school the day before, this mission's main objective.

He hadn't been able to hear the conversation from where he'd been seated yesterday, but he had heard the raised voices and what sounded like an argument between Van and Hitomi. They had returned to the table together and there had been a noted lack of tension between them, but he couldn't help but wonder if Van was going to use their son as a means to drag Hitomi back, or if she would choose to return of her own volition.

A lot could change in seven years. Anil had mentioned another man, though he had not yet seen any evidence of such. Hitomi had clearly made a good life for herself and Anil, in a world that had many amazing and life altering things that he was almost disappointed to be leaving behind. How would Hitomi feel after a life with such convenience? Would she wish to leave it all? She had said she would, but Allen wondered if she wouldn't come to regret it one day.

He was not privy to their private conversations, not even their argument from yesterday, he also had a bad track record in the relationship department and thus, had no real means to gauge their relationship. Nonetheless, he worried that staying here too long would prove catastrophic for their intended purpose.

Perhaps I am being too pessimistic.

Allen wondered as he watched Hitomi smile and explain her planned activities for the day. She seemed fine, happy even, despite what he had expected and Allen decided he needed to keep his worries and assumptions to himself. He should have realized after their disastrous, short-term relationship during the war, that he was not that good at predicting Hitomi's reactions and wants.

Point in fact, when she out right declined his, and Van's accompaniment today. He was shocked, when he knew he shouldn't be. Hitomi had never done things as one expected, and yet, he could not respond to her at all for some time.

She intends to go… alone?

Of course, before their arrival this was likely something she did often, and she would see no problem with this. She was now, however, the Queen of Fanelia, and like it or not, that title came with a whole new set of expectations. One naturally being that she prioritize and take into account her position and safety. She might think they are being overly protective, but this was how her life would be from here on out, it would be best if she became accustomed to it now.

"I am coming with you." Van commanded and regardless, of what Allen did know about this woman was that the words that had just slipped from Van's mouth in his typical tone; that of a king expecting to be obeyed, would not go over well with Hitomi. Her lips had thinned the moment words were said and she sat up a little straighter in her seat, staring Van down.

Anil shrank back as though trying not to be noticed, and Allen wondered if it would be the better part of valor to do the same. It was one thing to speak up as a knight and explaining his duties to protect the royal family, it was another to willingly throw himself into a brewing argument.

Allen relaxed back into his seat silently. If, somehow, Van relented on this, he would point out the foolishness of the action and press the issue. For now, however, he would observe and stay well and truly out of it.

"There's really no need, Van. I can handle this myself." Hitomi replied with forced nonchalance. Van flinched and he winced internally along with him.

Should I interject?

He wondered if she realized how cruel that statement truly was? He thought she didn't, as she had never been actively cruel, but she had been ignorantly so. Hitomi had always done things her own way, and she had never seen anything wrong with walking ahead on her own. She had certainly taken the bluster from his own sails a time or two in the past, and that took quite a lot to do. It was most likely she didn't realize how emasculating her statement was, especially to Van who was, legally at least, her husband and the head of the family. It was his duty to protect her and Anil, by rejecting that, she was rejecting his abilities.

Van's expression tightened and shifted. Allen wasn't certain what he was feeling, but it couldn't be good from the expression.

"Uh, Hitomi, I—" He began but his input proved unnecessary.

Hitomi cleared her throat and, gently tucked her hair behind her ears, her expression suddenly softer and slightly remorseful; contrite. It was so abrupt it felt wrong and Allen had the sudden feeling that he was missing something.

… are they able to communicate without speaking even when close?

As foolish as that sounded, the two did share a connection that was unknown and he knew little of the details on how it worked. He thought Van had mentioned feeling what she did, and he thought this connection only worked when they were separated by great distances. Of course, it wasn't like he'd asked for details on that, nor had they open offered such.

Perhaps that was what had happened then. Hitomi had sensed his shift in feeling and was responding to it?

"—actually, on second thought, while I don't need the help… I would like your company. And it is always better to be safe… if you still want to come, that is."

"I will come with you." Van repeated the words with the same inflection and tone from before, his lips just slightly upturned in a pleased expression and for some reason, this time, Hitomi seemed amused by it.

I must not have all of the facts.

It was the only explanation.

A.N. It didn't seem important enough to actually place in the text, but for those who are curious: Alteus is Emos's second born son, Seraph is his nephew. Tomlin is Idus's Cousin and Tarra is his eldest Daughter and Sid is her husband.

1) This is not my personal opinion, though if I'm being truthful, when babies first are birthed they are slimy, squished, red and not that cute to look at. It takes a few weeks for them to get that 'cute' baby look. However, my husband, to this day still says that all babies, including our boys, were ugly. Of course, he contests that ours were, "less ugly than any other" but I think that's him being bias. LOL, anyway, this is why I have this here.

2) Rice is a meal staple in Japan, so much so that the word for breakfast is the same word they use for rice; gohan. Tamago is a sweet rolled egg, it is my absolute FAVORITE. I don't know if they have this for breakfast but I'm saying its Anil's favorite because I can, so they are eating it, and furikake is a Japanese seasoning that they put on top of rice and egg.