A.N. So I was sick this whole week so, this almost didn't get posted. Thankfully this morning I woke up and so long as I don't eat, I don't feel sick. LOL So, I managed to edit this on time. Happy Mother's Day to everyone, and I hope you all enjoy your week!
Disclaimer: I do not own The Vision of Escaflowne, nor any of the characters therein, this is purely profit-free, fan-made for fun.
IMPORTANT NOTE: In the first part of this chapter there are mentions of abortion and Hitomi's personal views on this in regards to her. This is NOT, my stance on abortions as a whole. I do believe it is the individual's choice as it is their life. This is just how Hitomi views it as people are trying to force her to do something she doesn't want to do. I do not think that those who make the choice to terminate a pregnancy before the first trimester is over are wrong nor do I think I have any right to judge them for their choices. While I personally could never do it and I have my reasons, I know that others have their own for doing so. Please be gentle and understanding of this part of the story and try not to take offense. Thank you.
XX
"Owning your burdens is half the battle."
-From the television show Scrubs
XX
Chapter 22: Limits
XX
20 December, 1996
Earth
XX
She had expected this, despite that the words had fallen like blades across her skin and heart. She was trembling and felt a deep icy pit in her stomach that sucked warmth from every inch of her until the chill was so deep she felt she would never be warm again. Her arms locked tightly and protectively around her still flat middle as though the action could stop the swelling frost that inched through her and tried to carve out her innards. Still, the fear prevailed.
"Either abort that mistake or be expelled."
The harsh words rang in her ears like the screeching of train breaks; uncaring, metallic and sharp. Hitomi couldn't understand how someone could be so unfeeling about a life. How could an adult say such a thing so easily? They were asking her to kill.
To kill her baby.
Flashes of memory, of the crush of the doppelganger's body in merciless metal, his bones popping and splintering, skin bursting as blood and viscera squeezed out, flooded her thoughts and she immediately turned to vomit on the ground outside her home. Hitomi knew what death meant now, she knew what it meant to kill. To some extent, she knew what it felt like to be killed. She had lived that pitiful death with that being and the notion of willingly doing that to another being made her light headed.
She had been unable to save that doppelgänger, and no matter how often Van had reassured her, there was no way she would ever believe that the death had not been her fault. If she had not believed so stringently upon her readings and visions maybe…
"Hitomi?" Her mother's shaky voice called out to her with concern. It wasn't so long ago that her own mother had been screaming the same things as her school principle had and Hitomi flinched away from the gentle touch that tried to console.
She felt her mother recoil but couldn't face her, couldn't speak around the guilt that came up like bile and stomach acid; burning and tearing up her insides.
I won't fail to save my baby…
She thought, eyes aching with tears that came from vomit and her emotions. Silence was heavy around them as her mother couldn't find the words to speak up and Hitomi didn't want to speak first. Her had apologized, so many times already, and Hitomi still couldn't manage to say that she had forgiven her. She had, of course she had, this was her mother after all. Logically she understood that this didn't just ruin her life, she knew that as she got bigger the neighbors would start to shun her parents. Her brother would lose friends because of her, he would likely be bullied for being the younger brother of a slut, and things would only get worse from there as society banded together to make them know that her choices were unacceptable. That it was her parent's fault for not controlling her.
How bad will this get for them? Will my brother get into physical fights? Will things escalate to vandalism? Can I honestly let my family go through this?
She dry heaved again, a sob breaking free with the retching and she curled into herself further hiding in her knees. She heard the shaking breath of her mother as she too started to cry, and then her mother's arms had come around her.
"I'm sorry… I'm so sorry baby…" It was the same guilt ridden platitudes that she was growing sick of but they mirrored her own feelings and so she could not speak up about them.
I'm destroying our family…
"This is going to be the hardest thing you will ever do, Hitomi." Her mother said around tears, and the underlying strength in the words helped to break through the shell of self-loathing that was working to choke her.
"?"
"… you will have to work twice as hard for everything; recognition, acceptance, your credentials… this world is harsh and cruel and you have chosen to go against its mandates." Her mother whispered, her voice wavering, her arms trembling. "… but, for the sake of your baby, you must endure and overcome it."
Hitomi froze. This was the first time her mother had referred to her child as a baby. It was as shocking as it was reassuring and slowly, Hitomi lifted her head to look at her mother. The soft, sad smile that greeted her spoke of the love she held for Hitomi, and the way she cupped her cheeks said more than any words could about the strength of her support and did far more to heal the wounds her words had carved.
"Baby, there is something you must know about motherhood. It may be hard to hear or understand, but it is true…" She drew in a deep breath and pressed her forehead to Hitomi's, whispering. "… motherhood is sacrifice. It is unrecognized concessions, pain, loss and suffering that is given willingly and in a weird twisted way, happily."
"?" Hitomi frowned uncertain of how to take that.
"… a mother's love is rooted in suffering."
"…mom—"
"Hitomi, listen. Your body will change, you are giving up your body, your mind, your time, your sleep, your childhood, your right to do the things you want… it will not be easy nor will anyone thank you for any of this. And you will do this happily… because you love that baby more than yourself."
"!" The tears were back.
"It is the most scary, life-altering love you will ever experience… and I was wrong to tell you to throw that way." Her mother held her tightly and rocked her from side to side. "… you will face more hardships than most… and you will feel like you can't go on some days. You will feel over-whelmed, like you made a bad choice, that you are not fit to be a mother, or that you have failed your child… these you will feel most days… but dear, you must stay strong. You must cling to the love you have for this child and remember that you can't stop. They need you and your love for them will give you the strength to do the impossible."
"… mom, I'm so…scared…"
"That's to be expected." She said, still rocking her. "And we are here Hitomi. Your father, brother, myself and Yukari."
Hitomi looked at her, her lips quivering. That was the problem though wasn't it? She wasn't just sacrificing herself, she was sacrificing her family and friends. "… but… you all will…"
Her mother's arms tightened and she held her close. "We choose to stand by your side, Hitomi. Because it is right. Do not take the blame for our choices."
Gratefulness choked her and all she could do was clutch at her mother. It wasn't something she could even say thank you for as she knew just how much they would all suffer, Yukari included, because of her choice, but she could not let go of this little life in her womb. She wouldn't let go of that precious little life, not for anything.
"… are you disappointed in me?" She choked out. She knew the answer, her mother had said as much when she'd first told her parents and had then said she would not be aborting the child. However, right now, she desperately needed the lie.
"… no, baby. I'm… sad for you, but proud that you are far stronger than I am."
Hitomi sobbed. "… I'm dropping out after winter break… I'm pregnant at fifteen… I ruined everything you and dad and—"
"Stop that." Her mother chided harshly, pushing her back enough to scowl into her eyes. "Hitomi. We all live our lives. We all make choices and… we accept the consequences of them. This may not have been what I wished for you… I wanted you to live an easy life… full of only happiness."
The way her mother pushed her hair behind her ear was so familiar and kind that Hitomi pressed her cheek into her mother's hand, taking the shared warmth of contact to use against the cold inside her middle.
"… I had forgotten that. I will have to live with the fact that I made you doubt my love. And you will have to live with this choice… however, I am very proud of you, Hitomi. I love you and you will make it through this. I swear it."
The words were a life raft in a sea on uncertainty and Hitomi clung to it desperately. The cold of winter was all around her; inside her heart even, but there was still a small flame flickering.
… I have to do this… I can't give up…
Hope, belief and tentative strength were the armor she used to cover her wounds and she would encase herself in it until she herself had forgotten her weakness.
Its only four years…
XX
Eighteenth Day of the Ninth Month
Seventh Year of Carusfatum
Earth
XX
Despite returning, and the conversation they had shared in the trees, Van couldn't shake his lingering discontent. He was angry. Not only had that man shaken him, insulted him, and touched upon things he already felt insecure about, but that man had also been the cause for Hitomi's distress.
He despised seeing her cry. He never knew what to do to calm her. When she cried he had a need to fix things and in many cases, he was starting to learn, that simply wasn't possible. So, he was left with this restless energy and drive that had no outlet, which is where his current problem resided.
He was angry and had they been anywhere else, he would have gone out to practice his sword forms or ask Allen for a spar to help burn out before he snapped or said something he didn't mean to someone who didn't deserve it. Considering how she asked him not to carry the sword around the house and had convinced him to leave it behind while they had been out, he doubted there would be a way he could do what he wished to do. Sparing would attract attention if they were outside, which was the only place in which they could potentially accomplish such a task without destroying Hitomi's home so that left him with nothing to do but fidget.
Damn him…
While he could go through the forms and exhaust himself that way he supposed, he wasn't certain if that wouldn't also draw unwanted attention and problems however. Van was tempted to ask Hitomi, but she had already moved into the kitchen to set out their food after getting Anil to clean up the mess he had made, and from her movements alone, he could tell she was still rattled.
Asking now might upset her. I should wait until after we have eaten.
He could hear her muttering about how the food was going to go cold and something unfavorable about Allen. The less than pleasant comment about the blond knight made Van smile, which was petty he knew, but he couldn't deny he liked hearing Hitomi disparage him a bit. After hearing her sing his praises for the better part of six months the last time, this was a pleasant change of pace.
"Can I help?" He offered and Hitomi turned to him, her expression softening and a smile curving her lips. It made his insides tighten up for a completely different reason, which would also work for ridding himself of this energy, but he had promised not to press for that either.
"Put out the plates?"
He took the proffered items and set them around the table with ease. He unconsciously began his breathing exercises to push off the twitchy feeling. After the table was set she called the other two in, and after ensuring that Anil's hands were washed, they ate.
The conversation was safe, and mostly consisted of Allen asking after their tasks and activities. Hitomi answered honestly but omitted everything regarding Fumio. From the frown and way Allen glanced his way, Van was sure Allen suspected they were omitting something, but he did not have an opportunity to bring it up. After the meal Hitomi went about cleaning the dishes and Anil returned to cleaning his mess. Leaving Van to his internal stress once more.
"You seem tense." Allen commented and Van bit back a sigh, his eyes tracking Hitomi carefully.
"…"
"… so, you won't tell me."
It wasn't a question so Van felt no need to answer.
"Should we go to the yard—"
"No."
"?" Allen waited patiently for him to expound and when he didn't the knight let out a sigh, uncrossed his arms and moved before him. "You are strung tighter than a bow. You should work that out of your system."
"… it would not be wise to draw too much attention."
"…"
They stood in silence, both watching Hitomi as she shuffled to the thing on the wall she called a 'land-line phone' and pressed a few buttons. When she called out to her mother, he was fairly certain he knew what this call was about.
She is going to ask that her mother and father not tell Fumio about the change of plans.
He was slightly mollified that she was taking his side, despite knowing she probably felt bad about doing so. She was far too kind sometimes, and he knew all too well how her kindness could be misunderstood. Fumio was likely still hanging around because he was mistaking her kindness for affection.
Wasn't that the same thing I—
Van sharply shook his head to clear such thoughts from his head. It would do him no favors. His hand fisted and then relaxed several times as he strove to beat down his demons with inaction. He'd never been particularly good at that though. Allen's hand dropped upon his shoulder then.
"There are other ways to spar that do not require the blade." Allen then nodded to the back yard and began to make his way toward the door. Van watched him, frowning. Allen was correct, and he could feel his tension building to the point where he was becoming irritable. It could be helpful to spar hand to hand as Allen was suggesting, however, he was still lighter and shorter than Allen. The combat would be unfair and if Allen went easy on him it would only make him angrier. He also doubted Hitomi would appreciate him getting the borrowed clothes dirty. The pants were also far too constricting for such activities.
"You don't want to accidentally lash out at Hitomi, do you?" Allen asked, a knowing look on his face and Van internally cursed.
Damn it.
"Change. I'll be waiting outside." Allen retorted, clearly having come to the same conclusions Van had. Van huffed, but felt relieved at the opportunity. He moved to Hitomi's room and changed back into his own clothes and paused to stare longingly at his sword, before returning to join Allen.
Hitomi was still on the phone and looked at him oddly. Anil, who had joined her in the kitchen, his coloring utensils spread across the table asked the question Hitomi didn't.
"Where are you going, Daddy?"
"Allen and I are going to spar in the back yard."
Hitomi's eyes dropped to his hip sharply, before her brows furrowed and she lifted a hand to cover the mouthpiece. "Spar?"
Van lifted his hands. "Hand to hand."
Hitomi blinked owlishly at him a moment. "… be careful. And don't kill him."
Her response startled a laugh out of Van, it also did quite a bit for his ego that she thought it was Allen that was in the most danger. He would also never correct her assumption.
"I wanna watch!" Anil bounced in place looking between himself and Hitomi. Hitomi was back to talking on the phone and waved in Van's direction, clearly saying she had no problem with it if he wanted Anil there, so, Van held out his hand to his son and the boy jumped down with a loud cry of excitement and they left the house together.
"I'm going to watch Daddy beat you!" Anil proclaimed as soon as he was outside and Allen raised a brow at the statement.
"Is that a fact?"
"Uh-huh." Anil said with such conviction, Van almost wanted to send him back inside if only so he wouldn't be disillusioned when Allen's physical advantages won out. Seven years ago, his pride would have made him believe he could best Allen. Now, he had come to terms with certain facts and accepted some of his own limitations.
Didn't mean reality didn't hurt sometimes.
"Well, then, why don't you take a seat over there." Allen pointed to a place that was far enough away that Anil wouldn't be in danger. "And keep score."
"Okay!" Anil chirped and happily complied. "Kick his butt, daddy!"
Allen had removed his jacket and sword and had pulled his hair back with a cord. "This is the first time he's listened to me all day."
The admission made Van smirk. "I could tell from the state of the house."
Allen smirked at the rejoinder and then returned to business with a calm that was as frustrating as it was enviable.
"Standard point system." Allen pronounced, taking up a stance and Van fell into his own in place of a response.
The grappling commenced. They started off slow, measuring each other up, feinting and testing reflexes before an actual attempt was made. Van jumped the gun a bit, simply because this was less about finesse and winning, then it was working through the energy he had just under his skin.
His punch was easily blocked and Van had to duck out of Allen's return blow. His attempt at swiping out Allen's legs was also parried. This continued for quite some times, building in intensity and risk until they were all but throwing out at the other with little to no finesse whatsoever.
As expected, Van was tossed, kicked and struck more times than Allen, and if Anil was keeping score he'd know Allen was ahead, but from the way Anil was cheering Van on and booing at Allen, he doubted his son had any idea what the points were. He thanked the gods for small favors.
Sweat was dripping off his nose and chin, his hair was plastered to his cheeks, there was a fine tremor of exhaustion in his legs that was satisfying and finally the dark doubts had receded enough for him to think clearly. In fact, he had little time to think of anything other than the incoming blow and watching for an opening.
"Had enough?" Allen asked, half-taunt, half inquiry. Van wondered if Allen was having a bit too much fun throwing him around and playing the villain for Anil. It wasn't like Allen had no reason to have pent-up frustration against him. He had dragged Allen here practically against his will, ignored his advice and in the same action negated his entire reason for being her in the first place and then left him to the tender mercies of his—according to Merle—demon child.
No, Allen had plenty of reasons to be enjoying this excuse to throw him around like a rag doll. Because of that, Van didn't feel bad about the number of punches and kicks he had landed.
"Have you?"
Allen smirked and took up his stance once more. Van too slid in to match him. His body would be sore but he didn't think he'd pushed it too far yet. Honestly, he would welcome the ache if it meant he could keep his head clear. Allen struck out first, a feint to the left and Van was just slightly too slow to recover as Allen struck from the right, grabbing and twisting Van's arm behind his back and propelling him down to the ground.
Van braced with his free hand and tried to keep at least one foot upon the ground, but from the fatigue in his muscles, he knew he had lost. It wasn't as big of a disappointment as it had once been to secede a victory to Allen, though it did smart to do so in front of his son.
"So you have had enough." Allen sounded far too smug.
"…"
A sudden, unexpected cry broke the silence just as Anil came flying in and tackled Allen from the side. Both Allen and he gawked a moment at the child whose body weight did little to unbalance the trained knight, before the amusement kicked in along with Anil's excited cries.
"I got you! Get up daddy! Don't let him win! We can beat him together!"
"Hey!" Allen was clearly pretending to be affronted, and Van felt the grip on his arm loosen. Despite knowing full well that Allen was letting him go on purpose for the sake of Anil and whatever game this was, Van wasn't insulted. He twisted free with the same obvious intent that Allen had, acknowledging that this had changed to a game and aided Anil in tackling Allen to the ground.
Allen played the role of fallen villain surprisingly well, making threats that eerily made Van think of Dilandau, though much less horrifying and deranged.
"I will never let you win! I shall defeat you and your little spawn too, King Fanelia!"
"Eat mud!" Anil cried, subsequently shoving a fistful into Allen's face. Anil was laughing and then screaming as Allen snagged him and tossed him toward Van. Van caught Anil and allowed himself to fall back to the ground as though the impact had knocked him there, purely for the sake of this game. Allen then clamored to his feet smugly gloating.
"It will take more than that to defeat me."
"Daddy! Daddy, toss me! I'll be a missile!"
Van had no idea what a missile was, but he understood the concept and so he picked the child up and, after making eye contact with Allen tossed him back toward the blond. Allen, like Van, caught Anil and feigned a collapse and mortal injury all while Anil giggled and laughed. This silly game of tackle continued until the three of them were well and truly filthy and winded. They were also, laughing quite a bit.
"Has there been a victory?" Hitomi asked and Van was surprised he hadn't noticed her arrival earlier. She was at the door, a warm smile on her face and one hand upon her hip.
"Daddy and I beat up Allen!"
"Hey!" Allen made a mock protest as he stood brushing off the dust and dirt.
"… I see." Hitomi snickered. "Well, come inside and drink some water." As Anil bounced her way, Hitomi made a face. "And I think you all need to bathe…"
Her gaze trekked over the group and she made a considering look. "I'll call Amano and see if he can loan you some clothes, Allen. Those will need to be washed."
"Thank you." He graciously accepted, and Van felt the childish urge to throw mug at his head again. He suppressed it; barely.
"Oh! Daddy! Daddy! I want to bathe with Daddy!" Anil jumped around him, tugging at his hands and arms. "Can we?! Please, daddy?!"
Van was honestly at a loss as to why this seemed to be such a big deal to Anil, but found no reason to deny him and so gave a nod. This prompted a very loud sound of joy as they child jumped into the air.
"Alright, alright, get in here. All of you." Hitomi was laughing as she turned, reminding once, sharply, "Shoes." Just as Anil was preparing to bolt inside with the footwear still on.
It was decided that Allen would shower up first and Hitomi placed a call to her friends while she had Anil and he sit at the kitchen table. She returned quickly with a towel and water which Anil happily guzzled down.
"Amano will be here soon to drop off the spare clothes. You can use my brother's clothes again." Hitomi said, handing the towel to him. He accepted it with a smile, patting the sweat and grime from his face. Van nodded in ascent taking stock of the new bruises he'd acquired as well as the fatigued respite his nerves now had. Allen's suggestion had been a good one.
"… I called the other places I need to visit. I have two appointments for tomorrow afternoon. After that, I believe we are in the clear."
He glanced her way to be certain Hitomi was as pleased as she sounded. Her expression was calm and didn't seem to be distressed so he took her words at face value. "That's good."
Anil had returned to coloring but stopped suddenly, jumping up from his seat and running out the door with a hurried, "—gotta get my stickers!"
"No running in the house, Anil!" Hitomi called out and the thundering of tiny feet slowed to a lower rumble of quick steps.
"That child…" Hitomi's voice was thick with affection even as she shook her head. "Oh, I almost forgot… my mother asked if she and my father could take Anil overnight tomorrow."
"?"
"…" Hitomi was looking at him, clearly wanting some sort of response but Van had no idea what it was.
"… are you comfortable with that?" He hedged, uncertain if she had brought this up because she wanted him to object, or if she brought this up because she was worried he would object.
"… yes? No…" Hitomi let out a groan and rubbed the back of her neck. "… I don't know."
"… you don't have to if you don't wish to."
"… I know. It's just… this will be the last chance they have to have a sleep over with him… at least for a very long time… maybe even…"
Forever.
Van knew what she was thinking, and felt a little saddened at the fact that he was forcing this decision upon her. However, he was not selfless enough to let either of them go. He stood and moved to her side, resting a hand upon her shoulder. She let out a sigh, continuing her rant.
"… they have a right to see him. They have been worried sick too… besides… I need to let go of this fear…" Hitomi's hand raised to cover his own and grip tightly. "… I can't hold him forever… and you brought him back…" A small smile made its way over her mouth and her tone became calmer, as though reassured by her own words. "I know you always will."
"H—!" He opened his mouth to respond but was cut short at the reemergence of their son.
"I found them!" The bellow would not have been out of place on a battlefield and Van flinched at it, causing Hitomi to laugh.
"I see that. Were they not in your desk drawer where they belong?"
"…" Anil pouted. "…no."
"Ah."
Hitomi patted Van's hand and moved away to inspect the stickers and give a kind lecture on replacing items where they belonged so as not to lose them. It was a uniquely touching thing to watch. It was something lovely yet at the same time it stung.
"Do you think, you can just come back in and pick up where you left off?"
The poisonous words came back to haunt him and Van frowned, his hand gripping at his side in response to the mental taint that now affected the way he viewed his wife and child. He had been enjoying the easy way she explained things to Anil, and the clear comfort the two had with eachother. It was far different from the clumsy way he handled his son and that difference now was returning with the mocking words he'd tried to beat out of his head.
"You have been gone for a long time. She's built a life without you. How much does she really need you?"
Van's jaw tightened and he swallowed thickly against the growing insecurity and doubt that was once more coiling deep inside. He closed his eyes and turned to look out of the window, forcing himself to recall the words Hitomi had whispered the night before, the ones about needing him and being grateful he had returned.
… that man knows nothing.
The thought rang disappointingly hollow as he could not simply brush off the words as easily as he liked, and he was once again twitchy with unease.
XX
Mareo walked up to the front door of his home, briefcase in one hand, breathing in the night air more easily than he had in a long while. Kyoko's phone call had gone a long way to lifting the weight he'd felt upon his shoulders.
So… it has finally happened.
There was an odd juxtaposition in knowing his child and grandson would be leaving to start a new life. He was saddened at the impending loss and yet he was also at ease, even relieved, that it had come. Hitomi had not been the same since her disappearance, and that was not due to her pregnancy.
She had left a child, full of foolishness and naiveté. She had returned with hard earned wisdom, far more matured than a mere six-months could account for and while she had returned, he could tell not all of her had. She had left something behind on that planet only she could see, and she would not be happy until she returned. Her story had sounded fantastical, and perhaps he would have written it off as delusions to survive some deeper trauma if his mother hadn't told him the stories from her youth, and if Hitomi's friends had not told similar stories to her own.
He believed Hitomi, and he had known from that first night she had returned, when she spoke of that young man named Van, that he had already lost his daughter for good. He was on borrowed time, and he had to make peace with that before he needed to say goodbye. Perhaps some would say he had given up, others might say he was a terrible father, but he had learned early on in his life just how precious and rare love and acceptance truly was. If his child had found love and acceptance, if she had found a purpose for her life, then he considered that worth a little faith.
Four years was when they would have had to say some kind of farewell anyway, so, really, it was easy to accept. The past seven years had been more than enough time and yet, ironically, it wasn't as well.
Mareo too note that his neighbor had come out to deposit their trash and upon seeing him, quickly averted her gaze and ignored him outright. Mareo snorted, shaking his head at the childishness that persisted despite the passage of time. It had not been easy for any of them, siding with Hitomi and her choice to keep Anil. He had, however, become accustomed to the cool attitude he received simply for existing and, as a result, felt that the societal norms were superficial and stupid. It went against his moral and personal ethics to demand his child end the life inside of her. He also felt that, after all she had shared, asking her to do that after she had survived a war, when she was planning to leave in four years anyway, was simply too cruel.
Unlike his wife, who still felt the need to be part of the community, to socialize and keep a good relationship with those living around them, he was completely fine with never having to speak to another neighbor again. Of course, those who had become disapproving at his job when word had spread were a different story, but only slightly. Thankfully, he'd already established himself and his abilities in the company and as such, barely felt the derisive comments of a few co-workers who felt he lacked control over his family.
They would only blame my heritage anyway.
Mareo, stretched and opened the front door, removing his shoes and set his bag upon the bench. "I'm home." He called out.
"Welcome home." Kyoko returned, walking into the room, drying her hands on a dishtowel. Her eyes were bright and still a little red-rimmed, though there was an excitement he had not expected in those lovely dark eyes that still made his heart skip a beat upon seeing them despite many years of marriage.
"Did something good happen?"
"Hitomi agreed to let Anil stay over tomorrow night."
"Oh?" Mareo was surprised. "… is she coming as well?"
Kyoko had practically slept in the hall outside Hitomi's room for the first month after her return, fearful she'd wake to find their daughter simply gone in the morning. He couldn't imagine Hitomi was doing any better.
"… no, she is staying with her guests." Kyoko smiled sadly. "… she seemed reluctant but… you know how she is."
Yes, he certainly did. Once Hitomi made a choice, or decided something was for the best, she acted. It was a habit he himself had, and it was something had had always viewed as a positive for his daughter, even though it was also negative for him personally.
I hope she isn't pushing herself unnecessarily.
"Well, then, perhaps I should consider taking tomorrow off." He said, knowing that there was nothing he could do even if she was pushing herself. He needed to trust her and to a lesser extent, her lover to care for her.
"Can you?" Kyoko sounded excited by the idea and Mareo couldn't stop the smile as he stepped into the house and placed a tender kiss to his wife's brow.
"What can one do if they are sick?" His comment made Kyoko laugh though she shook her head at his intention to lie.
"… there is nothing important is there?"
"Nothing is more important than our family, Kyoko. One day will not affect anything." He reassured and guided his wife into the home. "Is Mamoru home?"
Kyko shook her head in the negative. "He is out with his friends. A new CD has released. He wanted to get it before it sells out."
"… is that band even popular enough for that?"
"Hush." Kyoko said behind a laugh. "Let him be."
Mareo smiled, loosening his tie and shrugging out of his suit jacket. "Ishikawa called after you did. He wants to return that book he borrowed and was hoping to do so at the lunch on Sunday."
"Oh! Mareo, Hitomi doesn't—"
"I told him it was moved to Saturday so… Kyoko? What's wrong?"
His wife had pressed her hand to her face and was groaning. "Hitomi called not long ago and specifically asked us not to tell Ishikawa about the change of time."
"…oh."
Yeah. I suppose it would be awkward to have your ex and your lover at the same party…
Mareo winced at his own short-sightedness. Fumio and he had hit it off quite well and he had not thought beyond that. Hitomi and Fumio Ishikawa had started off as friends and as far as he had understood it, they had just barely toed the line of something more. Of course, it wasn't like his daughter would share details about that with him, but whenever they had interacted with him he had always noted a lack of passion between them. He doubted anything had progressed so he'd erroneously assumed it would be fine.
Well, that was foolish of me.
"Shall I tell him not to come then?"
"…" Kyoko frowned. She was also quite taken with the young man and the idea of purposefully being rude was not something she wanted to do apparently. Mareo sighed.
"I'll tell Hitomi about my mistake. It should be fine. It's not like he can change anything, and he isn't the sort to cause a scene."
"… you are right… but you are telling her."
"Yes. Yes."
It was a shame, he had hoped to talk with Fumio some as it would give Van a break from the constant stares and questions. He knew this man whom his daughter adored would likely feel overwhelmed and stressed. While he hoped to get a good understanding of him before they left, he also didn't want to make the man uncomfortable either. It was very likely that the impression he had of them would impact if and how often they might visit in the future.
Fumio would have been a good distraction for him and could have been used to keep the pressure off of Van. Mareo sighed and shook his head, letting go of that idea as swiftly as he'd clung to it. If his daughter didn't want Fumio there, then there was nothing he could do about it and if she told him to, he would call and rudely uninvited Fumio. Before he could pick up the phone however, Mamoru burst in through the door all excited movement and energy.
"Dad! Dad, you won't believe what I found at the store!" Mamoru was waving around a cd that Mareo couldn't have read if his life depended upon it.
"... I can't read it like that." He chuckled and turned to face his son as the disk was finally handed over. Mareo's eyes widened. "… they had this at the same store where they sell—"
Kyoko cleared her throat before he could say anything negative about Mamoru's choice of artists.
"—music?"
"I know! I couldn't believe it, but I thought you might want it and since it was the only disk I could see I picked it up for you."
"Thank you." Mareo said, truly touched as he looked down at the multi-artist min'yo cd in his hand (1). "This was very thoughtful."
Mamoru shrugged, "You might want to give it a listen though, I can't be sure it's any good."
With that, Mareo's attention was snagged and he lost himself in the discussion of music with his son. Then he was consumed with dinner and talk of Anil's visit the following day along with Hitomi's departure. The rest of the evening consisted of speaking with Mamoru about his feelings and Mareo forgot entirely about phoning Hitomi and Fumio. He didn't remember until he was crawling into bed that night. Knowing it was far too late, he decided he'd speak directly to Hitomi the following morning when she dropped off Anil for the sleepover.
However, as all good intentions went, the thought slipped from his mind entirely and he was far too busy with his grandson the next day to remember.
XX
Hitomi was tired. It had been a tiring and stressful day despite the fact that she had done less than she normally did on an average weekday. She had quit her job and burned bridges with not just her boss and co-workers, but also with a person she thought of as a friend. She'd had to deal with her own cowardice and emotions that came with that and then she'd had to call and set up some rather dry and irritating appointments with both a lawyer and the bank so her parents could have access to her money and the rights to sell her home once they had left.
It was stressful and she still felt a little uncomfortable with it. She was systematically pulling apart the complicated life she had woven through blood, sweat and tears. It felt fundamentally wrong to be taking away this safety net, but she knew she had to do this.
It's the only way to move forward… a clean break.
Hitomi rubbed at her neck where the muscles were tense and quietly closed the door to her son's room. She had gone back to check on him after she and Van had put him to sleep as she had gone outside to bring in the laundry she had washed after the tussle they had in the backyard. A few of the thicker items, such as Van's pants and Allen's vest she'd had to hang in the laundry closet to finish drying, but the rest were ready.
Amano was kind enough to spare some clothes… but I doubt Van will fit in any of them.
Hitomi sighed, aware that having Van wear her brother's spare clothes would not go over well with her brother, especially seeing as the Umibozu sweatshirt was, in his eyes, a sacred collectable. So, the only option was to have him wear Amano's clothes or his own.
It's not like we are leaving the house anyway…
Still, Hitomi knew how uncomfortable it could be to wear the same clothes day after day without washing them. However, Van had left intending to stay up to a week and had not thought to bring a change of clothes, so perhaps she was overthinking things.
Van was waiting for her in the living room. He was by the window, and he was staring out the window into the darkness. She wondered briefly if Gaea was visible from there. She let out a breath as she approached, relieved just seeing him there, but it faded swiftly as she watched the way his fingers tapped out a nervous tempo against his crossed arms.
He is anxious again…
She'd noticed it after they had encountered Fumio. There was no way she couldn't have with the way he'd reacted. Something had been said, something that had affected Van and she could only guess at what.
Knowing Fumio, he didn't hold back.
Guilt twisted her insides again and she made a promise to call Fumio in the morning and tell him directly that he was not welcome on Saturday. She had watched Van struggle with his own internal thoughts until he'd finally gone into the back yard to physically beat it out. She understood the action, she often used running as a cathartic release herself, and she had also found the whole display fascinating to watch.
She had appreciated Van's control of his movements, and had quite enjoyed watching this more developed and grown version of Van grapple and exert himself. It had been even more enjoyable when Anil had decided to defend his father's honor and joined the fray changing the mood entirely. She had been pleased and had thought the activity had been enough when Van had entered the house calm and relaxed.
However, as the day had continued and Amano had dropped off the clothes she had seen the tension incrementally build inside of Van. He had seemed better when she had shown him how the shampoo cap and bathroom shower worked and had smiled as Anil had explained that they would get into the bath after washing and rinsing (2). She had enjoyed watching the interaction between Van and their son, it did wonders for her heart and she had thought it would help resolve Van's issues as well.
Clearly, it hadn't.
Van's lips were thin and tight, his brow was creased in thought and she knew she had been wrong in her assumptions.
We need to talk about it.
Hitomi walked into the room, aware that once again, Allen seemed to have made himself scarce and was grateful for the time alone. She stepped up behind him and placed her hands upon his shoulders. She could feel his flinch at the contact, and waited a moment, before pressing against his form and laying her head on his upper back her forehead pressed just at his nape.
This wasn't the first time she'd taken note of it, but she was still amazed at the extra height he had gained. When they had parted ways they were practically the same height, he was now half a head taller than she was. She would never admit to it, but it made her feel even safer and sheltered when in his embrace. It was stupid, but true all the same.
"…" He breathed slowly in lieu of speaking.
"… you seem bothered by something."
"…"
Hitomi suppressed a sigh and slipped her arms around Van, pressing her palms flat to his chest. He'd removed the sweatshirt and was now in a thin cotton shirt and jeans. She could easily feel the contours of his body and its warmth through the top, and if she focused; his heartbeat. She counted the beats, when she reached fifty without a single word from Van she did sigh.
It seemed he really didn't wish to speak about it. She wasn't certain if she should press the issue or not, but chose to try at the very least. Speaking had failed, so Hitomi decided to change tactics a bit. She tilted her head, and opened her mouth, scraping her teeth gently over the skin on the back of his neck.
"?!" He jerked in her arms and she tightened her grip to keep him from escaping, glowering up at him when he twisted around to face her, hand covering the spot she'd just nipped, cheeks an adorable flushed pink in bewilderment.
"Talk." It was a demand.
She was intrigued when her command had an unexpected result. His pupils blew wide nearly swallowing the brown of his iris entirely. He inhaled slowly and deeply and Hitomi knew that she had just aroused him.
Huh. We should explore that sometime.
She felt her cheeks heat but forced herself to maintain eye contact. Backing down now would not serve her purpose, and honestly the tingling, zing of anticipation felt too good to let go. Looking at him in the dimness of the evening, she felt rather like she was dreaming.
… is this what they mean when people talk about a dry spell and needing this as much as breathing?
It certainly felt like she might die if she didn't let him kiss her and throw her onto the nearest surface and…
Such useless thoughts invaded and she had to physically shake her head to clear them away and focus on the point she had. As much as she was tempted to simply be swept away with the mood and let the consequences fall where they may, she knew she had to talk to him.
"What is bothering you?"
Van stared at her, his hand lifting to cup her cheek, his thumb stroking her cheek bone and causing tingling to erupt under the skin and spark along her nerves. Her heart did that flutter-flop it used to back in Fanelia each time they met in the silence of his room and she realized it was getting harder to stay focused.
Oh he is so dangerous to my sanity…
"Van, don't try to distract—!"
He stopped her words with a firm, determined press of lips. The moan was something she couldn't suppress if her life depended upon it, nor could she stop the way her arms lifted to wrap around his neck, her fingers creeping into his hair, nails scraping at his scalp in desperate interest and need.
He wrapped his arms around her waist, tugging her flush against him and she could feel just how much she had affected him. Rational thought said she should ease them back, she should insist they talk, but her body was singing with a need she hadn't been aware of. Her mind was being burned away by the press of lips and the glide of a tongue as he coaxed her lips to part and he invaded her sweetly.
Hitomi shivered, clutching at Van and letting her argument fade from her mind as easily as she sank into him.
Maybe… maybe he just needs a different kind of exertion…
Her thought burned her but she was mature enough to admit that she definitely wanted and needed the same thing and so, she decided to let go for a while. Besides, it felt so good.
Lips parted and reconnected with soft intimate sounds, fingers clutched and traced over every available inch of the other. Every place he touched tingled and she was shuddering, breath panting hotly each time he let her mouth free.
A whimper of need escaped her when he moved his lips to the soft skin under her ear, returning her gentle nip that tightened her insides and made her aware of just how empty she felt in a certain place, an emptiness she knew he could fill quite spectacularly.
Oh god…
As though he had read her mind, Van let out a low sound of need, his teeth nipping sharply against her neck as he suddenly lowered his hands to grab her thighs harshly.
"Hold on." He grunted, the command just as arousing as his moans and Hitomi gripped him obediently as he lifted her off the ground, pulling her legs around his hips, snuggly pressing his obvious need against her.
She couldn't even react to that fantastic sensation before his hands shifted to hold her rump snugly to him and he was walking at a fast but careful pace back toward her bedroom. Each step caused a delicious friction and Hitomi clung to Van, pressing her own kisses to his ear and the soft skin directly behind it. Her legs tightened upon his hips to the point she thought her inner thighs might bruise to try and keep her position.
"Hitomi…" Her name was practically growled out and she shivered as the sound skittered down her spine and a deep sexual pride bloomed in her chest helping to ease some of her insecurities. The fact that she could pull that sound from him was so very satisfying and boosted her ego.
She purposefully turned to breath upon the shell of Van's ear, letting out a sound that was embarrassing but well worth it when Van clutched at her sharply and all but kicked the door shut behind him when they got to their destination.
Oh no, that might have woken—
"!" Hitomi gasped as Van dropped her to the mattress, crawling up and over her in a single fluid movement, managing to shuck his shirt in the process. It made her toes curl pleasantly, and she stopped thinking again when the firm weight settled between her thighs and against her body, pressing her into the softness of her bed.
Those lips captured hers once more and the kissing continued. His hands wreaked havoc on her body, gently roaming and touching her sides, breasts and hips as he began a slow grind against her. The motion was perfect and set off sparklers in her stomach. The needy ache was growing with the coiling heat inside of her body that fed off of every touch and kiss Van gave her.
She was drowning in sensation, in excitement and bliss. She wanted nothing more than to stay right where she was. Her legs lifting to press her feet to the mattress, knees pressed around Van's sides, using the leverage to return the intimate pas de deux that he had initiated. She wasn't thinking beyond that until his hand pushed gently beneath her shirt questing over the flesh of her flat stomach, tickling around her navel.
… can he feel it?
The thought crashed over her like ice water, and Hitomi locked up. Van stopped as well, and they hung in this awkward limbo for several heartbeats; Hitomi panicking over her own self perceived imperfections and berating herself for ruining the moment, and Van, likely wondering what he did wrong.
"… I can stop."
The words made it so much worse, and Hitomi made a face wishing she could throttle herself. It was so stupid, she was six years out from giving birth. Her body had, as many would call it, bounced back, in the first year. Her stomach was flat, her engorged breasts had receded to normal size once more and the extra skin had tightened up again. What had once been dark angry red stretchmarks had faded to iridescent, barely noticeable lines, the extra pucker of skin long ago smoothed away. However, she knew these things were there; upon her hips, the sides of her breasts, the inner parts of her thighs and a few on her lower belly (3). She did not have these the last time they slept together.
Will he find it… ugly?
Hitomi chewed on her lower lip hating the fact that she was thinking like this, but wholly unable to stop it. She knew every mark however unnoticeable, she knew her nipples had darkened with her pregnancy from a petal pink to a dusky mauve color, her hips, even after losing all of the baby weight, were still wider and she had to buy larger pants to accommodate her knew widened bone structure (4). She had come to grips with the fact that certain styles of clothing no longer looked flattering on her form, that she was uncomfortable showing her stomach regardless of the fact that her muscles had returned and she was toned; she thought she was comfortable with all of the changes but she really wasn't.
Not when Van was looking.
"… I…"
Van pressed a chaste kiss to her temple and began to push up and off of her. Her heart sank like a brick and Hitomi clutched at his arms to stop him.
"It's not that!" The words were an emphatic, sharp whisper and she had to swallow hard several times, her eyes averted, in order to keep talking. "… my… my body… having a baby…"
How the hell am I supposed to say this?!
More than the visual changes, what worried her the most, was the fact that she had stretched out in other areas and couldn't be certain if that had tightened back up again or not. Before having Anil, going in to get her vaginal health exam had been uncomfortable as the instrument—which she personally called the duck of doom—pinched when inserted and hurt a little when set (5). After having Anil, and even at her last appointment three months back, she hardly felt the contraption at all.
She was worried, however stupid it was, that their experience together would be different this time. That it wouldn't feel the same, that it wouldn't be as enjoyable for him. It made her feel insecure and with each passing second; each thought and reminder of just how much she had changed, her mood sank and the embers of passion receded.
Van held absolutely still above her, she could feel his gaze in the silence and Hitomi grit her teeth feeling foolish for everything.
"… I look different… I—on my…" The words just wouldn't come out.
I should have just… kissed him again and let it all play out…
"… may I see?"
"!"
The question startled her and Hitomi opened her eyes, immediately trapped in the warm brown gaze of the man she loved. She couldn't read the expression on his face, but it was tender and patient. Her heart was beating out of her ribs with her nerves but slowly, she nodded her head in ascent.
Once more, Van began to slowly remove her shirt, this time though, without the rush of excitement and heat, which made it a little scary, but there was simply no going back. It was too hard to explain but she would never be ready to move forward if she didn't do something. She needed to know how he felt about these things.
I need him to say he can't tell the difference…
The honest truth behind her thoughts scalded her and Hitomi knew she was setting herself up for disappointment, and yet she couldn't stop hoping. She helped him remove her shirt, her eyes closing as the fabric was pulled over her head and she kept them closed as his fingers traced the curves of her body.
The calloused tips of his fingers traced over her skin, and she knew when he passed over the areas where the marks were, but there seemed to be no hesitation or pause in his movement. It was as though, he couldn't feel or see them. Slowly, she inched her eyes open, just as Van lowered his head to press the softest kiss to her sternum.
"!" She sucked in a breath, her fingers biting into his arms. He paused, and she shivered, a curl of desire returning as she saw him look up at her through his hair, his lips still upon her skin. He held her gaze as he moved down, kissing over her stomach and sides, nipping over the soft swell of her lower abdomen.
"… oh…"
"… may I continue?" His words were a deep whisper, felt upon her skin and Hitomi shivered nodding a little more eagerly.
His hands worked quickly, removing her bra first. He fumbled, as he had in the past, and it brought a smile to her lips in fond memory. She was just releasing his arms to assist when he managed to unhook the back and pulled the offending cloth off.
Again she stilled, waiting, and he once more explored at his leisure. He gently touched, palmed and kissed the flesh there. He paused to run his finger tip over the darker flesh of her nipple and Hitomi bit her lip both from the pleasant feel and out of nerves. He looked at the change, clearly he saw it, but there was no shift in his expression as he looked and touched. Then, as he had so many times before in Fanelia, he took that bit of flesh into his mouth and gently suckled.
"!" Her hands grasped at his head, fingers tangling in his hair as her legs kicked back up to grip his sides. She was once more aroused and she could feel his situation hadn't changed one bit. His mouth and tongue worked magic over her until she was panting and grinding against him. First he laved attention upon one, and then the other of her breasts until they were well and truly inspected and praised by his lips and tongue.
"…V—Van…"
His lips finally left there and kissed down her chest, stomach and over to her sides as he moved on to her hips. Her heart was beating rapidly trapped between excitement and fear as he released the buttons of her jeans and then pulled the fabric down her hips and legs. Unconsciously she helped pull her feet free and Van casually tossed the offending garment off the bed.
The pants must have caught on his sword as a startling and loud clatter broke the stillness causing them both to jump. Their heads swiveled first to the scabbard and blade that was now laying upon the floor of her bedroom, half buried under her blue jeans, and then to the bedroom door.
Oh, god, I hope that didn't wake Anil…
Quick upon that worry was the other, more concerning one; she really hoped Allen didn't come to investigate.
A heartbeat, then two, three, and finally they relaxed when nothing happened. She felt Van exhale in relief and giggled a little with her own. Van pouted, but she could tell he wasn't actually upset, especially when his hand slid up her leg and his lips quirked up ever so smugly.
"… shall I continue?"
Her face flushed and Hitomi was just starting to nod when the door opened with a loud clack. Her heart damn near stopped as she fumbled to cover herself even before the voice of the intruder fully registered in her ears.
"… Mommy… I heard a noise…" Anil was rubbing his eyes, he wasn't looking at them, which was a minor blessing as it gave them time for damage control. Hitomi snagged the first thing her fingers touched, which happened to be the cotton shirt Van had stripped off. She hurriedly pulled it over her head and covered herself.
Van had pulled back and was sitting on the bed, a pillow once more covering his lap though she was certain the denim jeans he wore would hide most of his problem.
"I'm sorry, baby, we didn't mean to wake you." Hitomi consoled, moving to leave the bed. She may only be in a shirt and her panties but she was dressed enough to tuck their son back into bed. Or so she thought. Van stopped her with a touch to her arm.
"?"
"Allen." Was his only explanation and Hitomi froze flushing with sudden understanding. Walking around in a shirt and underwear might be fine normally, but there was a chance that Allen might have come out to investigate as well.
"… oh…"
"Stay here." It was spoken gently, but was still that insufferable command that he seemed unable to shake. Hitomi shook her head with an amused smile as Van stood, keeping the pillow in front of him and somehow managing to make it look casual as he approached Anil.
"Let's get you to bed." He spoke gently, taking Anil's hand and leading the tiny boy back to his room. Hitomi sat there waiting, her body still humming with adrenaline and endorphins. She looked down at her body, now hidden under a too large shirt that smelled faintly of Van and couldn't stop her smile.
… he doesn't seem to mind…
Not all of her anxiety had been resolved, but she certainly felt far better about herself after Van's tender and loving actions. She waited, wondering if she should change into sleepwear or if Van would expect to continue upon his return. She certainly wanted to continue.
After some time, however, Hitomi gave up and stood, changing into her pajamas. She assumed either Anil was having trouble falling back asleep or Allen had indeed waylaid Van. Either way, she was fairly certain they had missed their chance this night. After she had settled back in the bed, Van finally returned. The pillow was now gripped in one hand at his side, his issue having abated.
Van looked flustered, hand tucked behind his head rubbing his neck when he saw her. "…"
He seemed uncertain of what to say and Hitomi realized that she didn't feel like chasing the lost moment. She smiled and reached out her hand to him.
"Come to bed."
Van smiled at her demand and moved into the room. He righted his sword and set it beside the bed. He then replaced the pillow and paused a moment to remove his pants. Hitomi pretended not to look, though she enjoyed the view of him in nothing but his undergarments before he climbed in beside her.
It was easy; comfortable, to roll against him and accept his embrace that held her so close. Hitomi snuggled there for a while, letting the peaceful sensation pull her into the drowsy state of near sleep. This was almost perfect. There was only one thing that would make this moment event better. With the thought Hitomi pulled back drawing Van's attention to her.
"… Van…"
"?"
"… can I see your wings?" The request was timid, and she disliked that, but she was well aware of the complex feelings he had about them.
Van stared at her for a moment, before shifting so he was braced up and slightly over her so his wings wouldn't catch on anything. The air shifted, his muscles flexed through his shoulders and back, and then those beautiful, white wings erupted and fanned out behind him.
White feathers drifted down around them like an ethereal snow, and Hitomi's smile was so full of emotion she couldn't stop herself from reaching out and gently touching them. Van twitched, but otherwise held still, allowing her to run her fingers over the soft feathers. She allowed herself to indulge for a few more moments before burying herself in his chest; the white feathers and his arms blocking out the world. She shuddered, finally feeling as though she had returned home when Van carefully returned the embrace, finding a position in which to hold her the way she was wordlessly demanding without crushing either his wings or her.
It must have been a difficult balance, but Hitomi couldn't bring herself to let go of him or tell him he could release the wings. His rough palms smoothed over her back, achingly kind and sweet, and the words that swelled in her chest came out in a choked whisper that she knew he heard from the way even his breathing stilled to listen.
"Here."
"?"
"… this is where I've wanted to be… all this time." Her confession was backed up with a kiss to the place she felt his heart beating.
"…"
"Right here. Where I'm safe… surrounded by you and your wings… this soft kindness…" She was starting to ramble but didn't care. She had a need to say these things however nonsensical they were. "I missed your warm capable arms… the smell of the fields… and your heartbeat." Her grip upon him tightened as tears leaked out. "… I wanted to be here… so badly…"
"…" Van's arms tightened and his wings brushed around them, closing them in just that fraction more and Hitomi thought she could feel a fine tremor in his body when he finally spoke. His words were just as emotional and hushed as hers had been, "I'm not letting you go."
Me either.
She pressed another kiss over his heart, saying the words that were somehow inadequate, but all she had, "I love you."
"… I love you." Van returned, his head turned to her neck, his lips and breathe pushing the sentiment directly into her skin. "So much…"
They gripped each other tightly, time passing slowly, tenderly, between them. Hitomi did not know when she fell asleep. All she knew was that she had done so surrounded by Van and in a protective shield of angel wings.
A.N. So, you all are probably pretty angry about that little interruption. Sorry, it's just not the right time right now. That whole make out was not planned in my notes… Van just decided he needed some loving and… well, you all got to read it. LOL Also, some of my notes below may be too much information for a lot of you, and this is all from my own experience, I know each woman is different, and each pregnancy is as well, however, this is what I have to go off of, so read at your own risk. Also take this with that knowledge in hand. ^-^
1) Min'yo is a type of Japanese folk music and references to it can be found as far back as the fifth century. I have NO idea if any artists would produce this kind of thing and put it on a cd but I wanted to give Mareo an eclectic taste in music because why not, so I chose this ( www. audionetwork content/the-edit/expertise/traditional-japanese-music) remove the spaces for the link to work. ^-^
2) Honestly, this tidbit is something I picked up from anime alone most notably the studio Ghibli film, My Neighbor Totoro and the multiple anime I have seen that show a public bathhouse. Now I know the public bathhouse may be different because it is public, but I think this layout might be the same as in manga and anime I see they have the changing area separate from the actual bathing room and the bathroom does seem to have a central drain in the floor and a stool and bucket or a shower set up beside the bathtub that has the cover upon it like a furo. If I am wrong, I apologize, but I wanted to add it in here so I did.
3) I know not everyone gets stretch marks. My mother never had any. I, however, had quite a few. They were really dark at first, but now, two years out from my last pregnancy I can only see them if I really squint or when I pinch my skin and the stretch mark puckers up differently than my normal skin. I just wanted to bring to light in this story how much the woman's body CAN and does change after pregnancy. Most notably, how SHE perceives her changes. They might not be noticeable to her partner or anyone else, but it can feel massive. Also, the comment about the nipples changing color, not all women experience this either. It is simply something than can and does happen due to the hormone changes. My friends and I are WAY too open with each other, so I know about half of my friends experienced this change and not all of them breastfed, though some did. So, its seems to be a Russian roulette of whether or not someone will get this change. I decided, for the sake of the story, that Hitomi did.
4) For those of you who don't know, a woman's hips actually spread wider during pregnancy. Anthropologists can tell if a skeleton has given birth because there are actual grooves carved into the bone from this widening. It does not revert, and it only happens the first two pregnancies, which is why on some Jane Doe files they say the victim has had "two or more" children.
5) I call the bivalve speculum "the duck". Its that metal thing the doctor uses to take the swab at the cervix during the exam. It used to be very uncomfortable and after having my boys, well, it damn near fell out when the doctor turned to grab the swab. So, yeah, you loosen up after having babies. I try to do kegels, but so far no real luck for me at least. However, for all the woman who are concerned, my husband swears there is no difference for him. So, while I used to worry and agonize over this, I can tell you, that too, 'bounces back'. Not completely, but enough so that it isn't a problem.