He was up before her. He often was. The more he worked on this case the worse he slept. On the nights she wasn't with him, he usually didn't sleep. He took a minute, like he did each day to hold her a little closer to him. On this morning, that woke her up.
"Mmm good morning" she said.
"Good morning" he said back, "I wasn't trying to wake you"
"that's okay" she said, "I'm sure I got to be up anyway"
"No, there's some time"
"How much time?" she said looking up at him, a knowing smirk on her face.
"Enough" he smirked right back, then leaned down and kissed her, taking her up on her open invitation.
She smiled as he kissed her and laid on top of her. It was difficult for him to let go of this case, but this always worked. That was her last coherent thought as he started kissing and touching all the right places.
"Hey remember I have class tonight" she said, walking out of the bathroom, nearly ready for work.
"You do?"
"Yeah, and you know if my mom's in she'll want me to hang around after"
"Yeah?" he asked absentmindedly, realizing again he was only half listening to her.
"Yeah" she said, "This is my trying to tell you that I don't think I'll be around the station for dinner tonight"
"Oh, okay" he said, "do you have your car?"
She thought for a second. They were together more often than not, and he always drove. "It's at the station"
He nodded. She knew he was already mentally at the station. She knew it was better for him to get to it on this case. The sooner he solved it, the sooner – she didn't know what came next, but she knew he had to solve it.
"Why? You going to make me walk this morning? Because if that's the case, you can kiss that cup of coffee I get you every morning goodbye-"
He smirked, "I have a feeling that would not be the only way I pay for that"
"Damn right" she smirked, "You good?"
"yeah" he said, looking down. He knew she was worried about him, but he couldn't do anything to change that, he couldn't do anything but focus on this case.
"Let's go" she said.
One of her favorite things recently was doing her homework in her mom's office. It was entirely quiet and she could singularly focus on what she was studying. It had been so long since she was in high school, and it wasn't like college had been a real option for her, so she really found herself enjoying her studies, doing something that was all hers.
It seemed like her mom wasn't going to pop in for dinner. She was debating finishing her reading or cajoling John into leaving his office. Despite their conversation this morning, she was certain he'd forget to eat. She sighed, resigning herself to finishing as much reading as she could before she decided to head out.
I don't think I'll be around for dinner tonight. Why was he thinking back to this morning? He looked up, seeing Natalie's desk empty. Was it dinner time already? He hated that Bo was out of commission. He could hide in his office when Bo was here. These days, he had to go in and out, monitor the squad room, deal with the nonsense. It all took away from connecting Truman to his dad's case.
As the station started to thin out, the skeleton crew of the night shift settling in and the day shift heading out, he started a fresh pot of coffee in his office. He intended to be there for a while so he could get some actual work done.
She woke up pretty much the same way she had fallen asleep. She'd decided at the end of the night to head to John's and pick up take out so he could eat when he finally left the station. She woke up to an empty bed, her alarm going off when she normally woke to John stirring. A quick scan showed he wasn't in the bathroom, and his take out was still on the coffee table. He hadn't left the station last night.
She was pissed.
She knew she was unreasonably pissed, but she was pissed just the same. She couldn't believe it. It was bad enough that he didn't care about her- a quick check of her phone showed he hadn't called or texted her. Not to call, not to say good night, or even ask her how class was. What hurt her more than that was that he didn't care about himself. He hadn't slept, he probably hadn't eaten. He'd work himself to the ground before he came up for air. Work wasn't the only reason he should have to live.
She'd made her decision. She knew, on some level, it was futile, he wouldn't even notice. Still, she'd ride this wave of anger as long as she wanted to. If he wanted to work himself to the ground-
She wouldn't let him.
But she could still be mad.
She dressed intentionally. Bright colors, ones that brought out her eyes, that set her hair off in contrast. Clothes that made him notice her. Or at least, she'd hoped.
She packed up her books, her things and headed to the lot. Thankfully, Roxy was not at the desk. She got in her car, made the short drive to the station and headed for the coffee shop across the street. She got one coffee, and she got it with cream.
He could drink whatever was in his office.
She settled in to work, deliberately not refreshing the coffee pot this morning. It would anger more than just John, but it would send the message not to mess with her today. She knew she'd be stewing for hours, and it wouldn't help if she jumped down other people's throats.
He heard the noise growing steadily in the squad room, but he couldn't believe the night had passed so quickly. A glance over his shoulder showed him the sun had, in fact, risen. Another night and he still had nothing. Truman was still out there, getting away with everything. Getting away with killing his dad.
You can't blame all of this on me he heard his dad's voice in his head, Sooner or later, Johnny, you got to start living.
He shook his head. Starting to daydream was a sure sign it was time to go home and start fresh. He turned his coffee pot off and headed out to the squad room, confident he could get home, shower, and change before the rest of the day crew made it in.
He stopped short, his eyes first going to her desk in the middle of the squad room. Her eyes were doubly focused on her computer screen. She was dressed in a tight blue shirt, and her hair stood out more than normal. She was avoiding his eyes, but he was sure if she looked his way, her eyes would be a fantastic shade of blue, just as sure as he was about how low cut that shirt was.
She was gorgeous.
A closer look on her desk revealed that she had gotten only one cup of coffee this morning, and she hadn't made a fresh pot when she got in.
She was mad at him.
He searched his brain for why, but she hadn't come to him last night, and he'd worked straight through.
Better to figure out now than later, he thought.
She knew the second he stepped out of his office. She hated that she was so aware of him. She could feel his pause, his eyes look her over. Ha she thought, you noticed me.
"hey" he paused a beat, "you look pretty"
She steeled herself. She knew this was coming, and she tried not to look into his eyes. She stayed silent.
"Natalie" he tried again, "Why are you in so early today?"
He really had lost track of the time, "John, it's 10:30"
"I didn't realize"
"Yeah" she said, turning back to her work.
"What's wrong?"
She stayed silent. He sighed, it wasn't loud enough that anyone else could have heard it, but she knew it.
"John" she said, "Why did you think it was early?"
"I just lost track of time"
"How'd you lose track?"
"Natalie-"
"What time did you get in this morning?"
"Don't do this here" he whispered.
"here?" she said, "It's the only place you are"
"I was going to go home and take a quick shower, you want to come?"
"No" she said, "I already had a full morning"
"so what, you just going to stew and yell at me later?"
"Does it matter?" she said, "Does anything I have to say matter to you?"
"Natalie, you know-"
"What do I know?"
"I have to do this"
"You're right we shouldn't do this here" she turned.
"Will you come back home with me?" he pleaded. He didn't know why, but he couldn't stand her being mad at him.
"I can't just leave"
"I'm in charge, who's going to stop you?"
"Fine" she said shortly, getting up quickly.
She didn't want to be swayed by him helping her up. She led the way out and to her car. He could follow or he could take his own car, but she sure as hell wasn't getting in to his car. It smelled like him, and the jazz station was always at the right volume, and she didn't want to be distracted by all those good things. She wanted to be mad at him.
She must have been pissed. She was working overtime to keep space between them. It was hurtful, and she knew it. That's why she was doing it. He thought their quiet car rides were a happy time for both of them. When she sped off in her own car, he felt the tug on his heart strings. This was a new level of fight. He braced himself on the drive and into his room.
She was already there, seething on the couch.
"Natalie-" he tried.
"You going to answer me?" she cut him off, "Why did you think it was early? What time did you get in this morning?"
"I stayed through the night" he said, "I was working, I lost track of time, I thought it was earlier than it was. Why is that a big deal?"
"Why did you stay through the night?"
"Because" he paused, trying to find the right answer. The answer that led to her not being mad at him. The answer that would make this stop. He couldn't think of anything, "Because I did, Natalie. I don't know"
"Do you know what I did last night?" she asked.
This was a trap. That made him mad. He stopped thinking and just started reacting.
"You're a big girl, I don't keep track of everything you do"
"I had class. I waited around for my mom for a while. Got lots of work done. Ordered take out for both us. Came back here, figured I'd get to see you after all" she said, "but you're right. You don't have to keep track of what I do, I just thought you wanted to. After all, my night class is the only day of the week you have to decide for yourself if you want to eat or sleep"
"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"
"It means that every other day of the week I have to beg and plead for you to leave your office. It feels like I have to trick you into dinner and into your bed"
"I can take care of myself"
"Can you?" she yelled, "because I wasn't there to beg and plead last night, and you didn't leave that office for twelve hours"
"I have to solve this case. You know that" he yelled, "This is my dad's murder. Truman has Paige and Vickers in his pocket covering for them. Bo lost his job"
"I want you to solve this, too, John, but you can't kill yourself in the process"
"I know what I'm doing"
"For work? Of course you do. For yourself?" she shrugged.
"I been taking care of myself for a long time" he yelled back.
"I wonder how"
"I have to solve this case"
"At what price, John?"
"Nothing's more important right now" he yelled right back.
The look on her face killed him. The hurt, the disappointment were on full display, and even if it only lasted for a moment, he knew how deeply his words had cut her. He shouldn't have said that, if he'd been thinking for only a second, he wouldn't have. But she knew that already. She knew what this case was doing to him, what it meant to him, why it was important.
"You know, I should be pissed that I'm not more important. I have every right to be. But I'm more upset that you don't think you're more important. You have to eat. You have to sleep. You have to want to more than-" she paused, knowing saying he wanted more than his behavior right now would fall on deaf ears, "You know, I never got to meet your dad, and I'm really sorry for that. But I know Michael, and I know your mom, and I know you. And I cannot believe your dad would want you working yourself to the brink of insanity. And I don't want that for you, either" she said, then she grabbed her purse and walked out.
"Damn it, Natalie" he whispered.
He didn't know how he was going to work his way out of this. He knew he should go after her. He knew she was right. He knew he was being unreasonable, he knew he wasn't giving her the attention or the support she needed. He knew if he kept this up, she might not stand by him. He knew she needed more than he was giving. He knew she was begging and pleading with him to just live a little.
But he couldn't stop now. Bo was counting on him, and he needed the closure. And he was close, he could feel it. Truman was just one lead away, and then he would pay. And once Truman was arrested – he couldn't see the other side of this case. He didn't really know what to think about life after this. He only hoped she'd stick with him and that he could find a way to make all this up to her.
He headed towards the bathroom, hoping that some time and some space would allow her to cool down. That come dinner time, she'd go back to the begging and pleading for him to eat.