He laid there, still as he could be, since he was pretty sure Natalie was asleep on his chest. Good thing, too, since he was also sure if she wasn't there, he'd be jumping out of his skin. What David had said, the whole story about how his father had died, it just kept running through his head.

There were still about hundred questions he had. He supposed if David hadn't answered them, they never would be answered. Had he done the right thing inviting Mike? What made his dad think of the two of them? Why was David doing a run on Christmas Eve in the first place? Didn't the mob celebrate holidays? Take a day off? And if he had shot his dad straight on, why was that not reflected in the autopsy report?

"John?" he heard her whisper.

"Yeah, I'm up" he told her, petting her hair, "I thought you were asleep"

"I was hoping you were asleep"

"Can't" he said simply.

"Still thinking about what David had to say?"

"Yeah" he said.

"You know" she said, "your dad thought about you and Michael in his last moments. He told David he wanted to get home to you"

"Yeah, that sounds like him" he said, "He was much better at this than I am"

"at what?"

"I don't know, life" he said, "he was a good cop, he was a good dad. He didn't miss dinner or make my mom mad"

"I'd give yourself some grace" she said, "you were a kid, you don't know what happened when you weren't looking"

"Maybe" he said, "but I'm sure he'd have a few key words for me these days"

"Go easy on yourself" she said.

"I think you're going easy enough on me for the both of us" he said.

"When have I ever gone easy on you?"

He smirked, "You know I like the tough guy act on you, I do, but you and I both know I'm not doing this right and you're letting me get away with it"

"Well" she said, "loving someone means being there when they need you. I know you need a lot more right now, but you know, I also know that if the shoe was on the other foot, you'd be there for me"

"What have I done that makes you believe that?" he said, he meant it rhetorically, because he knew there was no answer.

"I just trust you, John" she said.

"You let me use you" he said quietly.

"What are you talking about?" she asked, incredulously, but John heard the fake surprise in her voice.

"You know what I'm talking about" he said, "We slept together tonight because you were trying to get me to stop thinking"

"Well, it worked for a little while" she said, "and, you know what, so what? I knew what I was doing and it's not like I didn't enjoy myself"

"That doesn't make it right"

"John" she said, "it'll be right one day. That's enough for now. Now can you please try and get some sleep"

He stood. It wasn't nearly what she'd had in mind, but he'd make it up to her now. She'd stood by him, she'd settled for what he'd given her, and that had not been much. He always knew she deserved better, but she'd been so convinced he'd get there. If he didn't find her, she'd never know what they could have been. He wasn't so sure he could live never knowing what they could have become. They'd waited so long for this chance, and he was blowing it at every turn.

That's why they were in this situation in the first place.

He opened his office door. Bo was the door open guy, he was the door closed guy, but he wasn't going to let anything get in the way now.

"Hey Zimmerman" he said to the first uniform he saw, "Can you get me a map of the town?"

"Yes, Lieutenant"

He turned to her desk, sitting empty, and felt the pangs in his stomach worsen. There was a note taped to her computer. He walked towards it, trying to remain calm. He picked it up, opening the paper.

J-

I've taken the liberty of starting the file for you. A gesture of good will, if you will. Make no mistakes about what this about. You already know.

John felt his heart beating on over drive. He'd had the hunch this was about him. He turned to her desk, a plain manila folder sitting in the middle of it. He tried to breathe as he opened it.

There was one thing in the folder. It was a photo of Natalie. She was seated on the floor, wearing the same clothes she'd been wearing the other day. She had today's Sun in her hands. A gloved pair of hands held her upper arm with one hand and a syringe of God only knew in the other, clearly about to inject her. That was scary enough, but what really got him was the look in her eyes. She was tough, and she took pride in her poker face. But he saw the fear in her eyes in this picture as plain as day.

He grabbed his handkerchief and put the note in the manila folder. He walked the folder down to forensics himself. He didn't want anyone to see it if he could help it. She wouldn't want that either.

He didn't like the forensics guys. He always found himself waiting on them to finish whatever they were doing when he needed it done most. He also had found from talking to Natalie about it that he was pretty sure they weren't very good at it. He was also pretty sure that the guys down there were flirting with her when she was doing her observation hours, and that drove him crazy.

"Maybe you're just jealous" she teased.

"Of those pasty nerds?"

She rolled her eyes, "You know there's a very good chance I'll be down there every day with them sometime soon" she paused, "If Bo hires me, that is"

"He'll hire you"

"I doubt you have sway in the hiring process"

"You don't need my sway" he said, "you're smarter than the lot of them combined"

"How you going to deal with this jealousy then, huh?" she teased, "I'll be down there with those guys 9-5"

"I'm not jealous" he smirked.

"It would kill you to admit it, wouldn't it?" she smirked.

He quickly glanced at both doors, making sure they were shut, locked, and the blinds drawn. He grabbed her waist and brought her lips to his. He kissed her deep, just for a moment, just to drive them both nuts.

"Nothing to be worried about" he whispered.

She smirked up at him.

His stomach did flip flops handing the folder over to the forensics tech in the office. He asked for a full work up, anything they could find from any of it, as fast as possible. He saw the guy's face when he opened the folder and saw the picture. He left before the guy could ask him anything personal.

"John?" he heard.

He looked up at his office door. He was so mad he had to leave it open. Nothing good had come of it yet, all that came with it was constant interruption. It was Hugh.

"Hey, what's up?"

"The search of Truman's place came back empty"

"Of course it did" he said.

"You're not surprised"

"No" he answered, simply.

"Any other ideas as to where this gun might be?" he asked.

John shook his head. Hugh took a look at his friend. He'd obviously not been thinking about Truman. The map and the notes and her picture hung up on his wall showed he hadn't stopped thinking about Natalie for a minute in the twelve hours since she'd been reported missing.

"Alright, at the risk of getting my head ripped off again" he paused, "How are you holding up?"

John looked across the room at Hugh. He and Hugh had been through a lot since Nora went into the hospital. Still, he didn't talk about Natalie with people at work, with the exception of Bo, and right now there was no Bo.

"I'm fine" he said.

Hugh sighed, and for a moment he shut the door.

"Don't shut that" he said.

"Just for a minute" Hugh said, "let's drop the pretenses here, just me and you. All else aside, I consider you a friend, John" he said, "I know it's not the same, but she's my friend, too and I'm worried. Maybe I'm out of line here, but I see how you look at her. I've seen you together. I know there's history there, but I also saw how long you two waited for this and there's no way you can be okay knowing someone out there grabbed her to get to you"

John looked down. Hugh was his friend, and he was right. He didn't know how to explain how he felt about all this, so he said the only thing he knew would make sense to both of them right now, "I just got to find her"

"Any leads?"

John shook his head, "The notes are vague, I think it's about my father's case, but –"

"Are there any other cases or any people who would want something from you?"

"I don't know" he said, "Bo ruled out her mom's and her grandfather's, every inch of both the properties. Balsom's got feelers out all over town. But-"

"You don't think it's going to be that easy"

"If this is about me, nothing Bo or Balsom is going to do is going to matter. She's going to be stuck til the guy gets what he wants from me"

"Any idea what that might be?"

John shook his head, "I wish I did" he said, rubbing his head, his eyes going to her picture for the hundredth time today, "I can't stop thinking about it"

"Forensics able to blow that up? Or get any prints?"

"They're working on it" he looked at his watch, "still"

"She's one of theirs, they'll take care of it" Hugh said, "and you know look at her, she's not letting this guy get the best of her"

"She's terrified" John said, "she's got a good poker face, she's wearing it, but she's scared" he knew his voice was thick with emotion.

"It's not your fault" Hugh said.

"It is" he said, "You haven't been around that long, you don't know how many times she's gotten into trouble because someone wanted to get to me. I swore I wouldn't let it happen again"

"You can't control everything" he said, "especially Natalie"

"Yeah" he said, "I just wish I knew where she went after-" he paused, the thoughts starting to come together.

"After what?"

"She was mad and she wouldn't let me drive. We went back to my place to have it out"

"John, I'm sorry-"

"She stormed out, I didn't follow her. I never checked the lot for her car" he said, "I got to check"