Chapter 13
"What?" He can what? "I can feel your emotions." What?! He can what?! Is that what all those 'What are you feeling?' questions came from? Why he always seem to find me in the house? I was stunned, mouth agape, "What?" I couldn't think of anything else to say. I felt like someone just poured a gallon of ice water over my head. Gaara looked at me like I had grown a second head, "You didn't know?" I could only shake my head, mouth no longer ajar. How was I supposed to know about that? "I'm assuming its tied to your prophecy, how could you not know?" I look away from him in shame. He's right, I should know that. What's wrong with me? I should know that. I feel so stupid.
"Hey," I feel his thumb brush across my cheek, "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have assumed you would know anymore about your prophecy than I do. There really isn't enough information about it. Please don't be sad." Easier said than done. I feel like a fool. I'd lie and say I feel fine but he'd know that wasn't true. He turned my face back towards him so I'm looking in his eyes again. They look so sincere. His gaze comforting. I begin to melt back into him as Gaara pulls me back against him. He rests his foreground against mine, all I could see were those intense eyes.
And then I remember we were about to kiss before. Is he going to do it now? Our lips are so close, I could just lean up and they'd be touching. I lick my lips in anticipation. My skin is burning where he's touching me. I sense a feeling coming from him that no one has ever directed towards me; arousal. There's a pool of heat settling in my stomach, Gaara could feel my arousal as well. His thumb begins stroking my bottom lip again before his hands slide under my chin and lifts my head higher. He leans in and closes his eyes, I mimic him. My breathe hitches as I feel his tickle my lips.
When the doorbell rings, I jump out of my skin. I push away from Gaara so fast I hit the back of my head on the bookcase behind me. "Are you ok?" I nod my head while rubbing the sore spot. The doorbell rings a second time and he glares towards the front door, "I'll get it." I follow him out to the door. Kankuro stood outside with a stupid grin on his face. Gaara doesn't even give his brother the chance to say hi, "Why are you here?" Kankuro looked taken aback. "Gaara!" I scolded him but he didn't seem to care; he kept the same flat look on his face and he's holding the door so Kankuro can't just walk in. So unhospitable. I could sense the low burning annoyance he's feeling right now. "What did I do?" I push Gaara away from the door and open it wider so Kankuro could enter, "Nothing, please come in."
Gaara rolls his eyes as he does. Kankuro gives Gaara a confused look then he looks at me, back to Gaara, back to me, Gaara, me. He cracks a smile and feels absolutely giddy, "Am I interrupting something?" Oh god, my fear has come true. Gaara and I answer at the same time, "Yes" "No" Yes?! What is wrong with him? "No!" I insist, "Gaara's working and I'm about to make lunch." Kankuro just nods, "Uh huh, sure" I rush to the kitchen to leave this awkward situation; as I do I hear Gaara ask his brother what he wants. My face is burning for what, the fourth time today? I slink into the kitchen and take stock of our ingredients and what I could make with them.
Well there isn't much I actually know how to make. I never needed to learn how to cook in the castle. I mean I have a little practice from sneaking into the kitchen late at night after I would hide in my room all day, but I didn't learn much. Really, I only know how to make five different dishes. At least there's cookbooks in here but I wonder if Gaara wanted someone more domesticated. I know how to clean at least, not exactly hard to figure out. Cooking hasn't been as easy to work out. I almost set the house on fire yesterday, and with how awkward things were I was completely mortified. It wasn't even a complicated dish.
I settle on making simple mixed rice and begin pulling the ingredients out of the pantry and the fridge. I walk into the living room as soon as I'm finished putting the rice on the stove. Gaara's annoyance has grown to low level anger while I was in the kitchen. I wonder what happened. He hid his emotions well though, you'd never guess. Father would be impressed. "I have to go into the office. I'll be gone for an hour or two." I nodded quickly, "Oh ok. I'll save you a plate." Well this is better for me. I get to cool off from earlier, plus if I mess up the food I have time to make something else.
Something must be wrong though; I can sense fear from him. I wonder if I should ask. Would that even be appropriate? I probably shouldn't pry to much into his work, but I'm starting to get worried too. If Gaara could feel my fear, he didn't comment on it. Just a quick goodbye, kiss on the forehead, and then he and Kankuro were out the door. I stand by the door for a minute after they leave. I'm sure its fine. If something was really bad he'd tell me. Well, I don't actually know that. We've never had anything bad happen that wasn't happening because of me, I was already in the loop. I don't know if he'd tell me about things outside of my prophecy. Especially about village issues.
I'm probably worried for nothing. I'm sure he'd tell me if it was something really serious. He could be worried about anything, and I only felt a moderate level of fear from him. That could mean anything. Father was always worried about important matters around the castle. Hell, he was worried before Gaara first came. Maybe a dignitary is visiting and he needs to finalize the preparations for it. Our wedding is next Saturday, that makes perfect sense. Or maybe there was some sort of planning hiccup that needs to be taken care of. It could be any of those things, but I just have a feeling in my gut that it's not.
It's been five hours and Gaara hasn't come home. My worries haven't settled for a second of them. I tried to be productive to keep my mind off things; tidying up, finding a book to read; but the knots never left my stomach. I'm cooking dinner in the kitchen when I hear the door open and close again. Finally, home. I put a lid on the pot of food, set the stove to simmer, and turn to face the doorway and wait. I knew he'd come directly to me; he always does.
His face is blank but it doesn't matter, I can feel his fear and how much it increased since he left. It ramps up my own anxiety. I quickly cross the room to stand in front of him, "Is everything ok?" My heart starts pounding out of my chest, I wring my fingers, and my ears start ringing. My lips start trembling and I try to blink back tears. I wish I wasn't so emotional when I'm scared, its embarrassing. He envelopes me in a hug, "Calm down. You're ok." I'm ok? Is he saying that because he's specifically comforting me or is the bad news about me? If it is about me, would he tell me or would he try to keep me in the dark?
"I-Is everything ok?" I choke out my question a second time; I need answers. Gaara begins rubbing circles on my back. It feels so comforting. I look into his eyes and calm down a little bit. "I need you to calm down before I tell you." What? Tell me what? Whatever anxiety that was alleviated in the last minute came back tenfold. "Something is wrong." It came out as a whisper. I can feel a little bit of guilt creep into him. "I don't want you to worry." Too late. For the first time I see Gaara's façade melt away and I see real concern on his face.
He wants me to calm down but then he shows me a face like that. I bury my head into his chest to hide from it. The ringing in my eyes have return and my entire face heats up. My breathe get shallower. I'm nauseous and it feels like a giant rock settled in the bottom of my stomach. I'm getting close to being inconsolable. Really only Mother that could talk me back from the edge like this. Her not being here to help and the embarrassment I feel from doing this in front of Gaara makes everything ten times worse. My breathes get shallower and shallower, making it harder and harder to breathe.
"Breathe." His grip on me tightens and he lifts my head so I'm looking him in his eyes again, "In... Out... In… Out... In… Out..." I follow his directions and soon I'm breathing more normally. "Keep breathing." I nod my head and do as he says. The calmer I get, the looser his hold on me becomes. The nausea slowly subsides and my heart slows down. Gaara goes back to rubbing small circles on my back. And that's how we stand for a moment. Me taking deep steady breathes and him trying to console me. Eventually I completely calm down until I just have a low level of anxiety burning in me.
Gaara's staring down at me with a concerned face, "Better?" I quickly nod at him and he sighs. I'm so embarrassed I had a panic attack in front of him. I look at the floor. What does he think of me now? He didn't even tell me what's wrong yet and I had a panic attack. I must look so weak to him. I don't sense any anger from him, just fear and sadness. At least he's not mad at me but he probably pities me. I wonder if he'll even tell me now, he probably thinks I can't handle the news. I should probably apologize for overreacting. "I'm so-""Don't you dare apologize." I close my mouth as quickly as I opened it. Gaara lifts my head and holds his hand there so I have no choice but to look him in the eyes, "You need to stop apologizing when you've done nothing wrong." I nod again.
His brow furrows and I can tell he's debating something in his head. I wonder if he changed his mind on telling me. It would make sense, if I have a panic attack at the thought of bad news what will happen when I actually hear it? He takes awhile to think, all the while continuing to rub circles on my back. He's probably trying to head off another attack. Finally he says something, "I don't want you to worry." I nod in his hand and his thumb starts stroking my cheek. "You're safe in the village." Oh god. Safe in the village. I start to tremble. I already know what he's going to say before he says it, "Kaito was spotted near the south border wall."