A/N: I just want to go on record saying it is very difficult to write Spencer. There was this one scene he was super threatening towards Natalie to John, I believe when he was being arraigned, and I leaned hard into that tone. Anyways, Read and review please!

When he got to Spencer's office, he didn't bother knocking.

"Lieutenant, it's customary to knock, you know, I could have had a patient in here, you would been in violation of several health laws-" he said, walking around the front of his desk.

"Shut up Truman" he said, "Where's Natalie?"

"I heard she was missing, unfortunately, I have no –"

"Cut the line of crap, start telling the truth"

"Of course, obviously I took her"

"Truman, don't try me right now"

"You know John, you're going to have to get out of this habit of blaming everything on me. It's not my fault you can't keep your play thing on a leash"

He snapped, he grabbed the bastard by the medical coat and shook him.

"She is not a thing" he yelled, "now tell me what you did"

"Seriously, Lieutenant, you're going to need to find another way to work out your aggression, I had no idea that trailer trash was so good for your temper"

He shoved him down on his desk, no care for the things in his way. He shouted, probably as something dug into his skin. Next thing John knew he was being pulled off of him.

"Johnny, this isn't going to fix it"

"I don't care, he – "

"Out, out , out" Michael pulled him out of his office, "What are you thinking?"

"He did it, I know he did" he said, "Did you hear what he called her?"

"No I followed you, but I just heard the bang and I –"

John shook his head, "You shouldn't have"

"You can't beat it out of him"

"Wanna bet?"

"You can't get kicked off the force now"

"He called her trash" he said, "he called her a thing"

Michael watched his brother. He wasn't sure how John was going to make it through this one. He handled a lot, always, but seeing him actually lose it over Natalie was an eye opener. Of course, it had happened before, and very few people knew how much that tore John apart.

"Listen to me. You have found her before. You can do it again"

John shook his head, "It's different"

"Why?" Michael asked, not understanding.

Because now he knew what having a relationship with her could be like. Now he knew he could call her and ask her to come over. He knew what it was like to have a completely unconditional best friend. To have someone love him. To have her beside him whenever he needed her. How they seemed to fit together so perfectly – in silence, in laughter, in his arms – he couldn't lose her again and survive.

"I just can't lose her. Not like this"

"You'll find her" he said, "and when you do I hope you tell her all that"

His phone beeped. He picked it up, seeing a text from Blair.

I need to meet you at the PD now.

"I gotta get back to the station, Mike" he said, already heading out.

"John" he said, and his brother turned back, "good luck"

He nodded, and he kept going to his car.