Author's note: I do not own anything having to do with Supernatural, only Leah belongs to me. Just a reminder SUPERNATURAL signifies a break in time. Please excuse any mistakes as I don't have a Beta but if anyone is interested send me a PM! As always please remember to ~Read and Review~
Chapter 26- Guilt
"Come on Sam I'm begging you this is stupid," I grumbled as we drove down the highway towards the one place in the world I hated to go…Lawrence.
"Why?" Sam questioned.
"Going to visit mom's grave? She doesn't even have a grave, there was no body left after the fire," Dean replied. It was nice having Dean on my side and not just me against Sam like it usually was.
"She has a headstone," Sam argued.
"Yeah put up by her uncle, a man we've never even met, so you want to go pay your respects to a slab of granite put up by a stranger? Come on," I protested.
"Guys, that's not the point."
"Then enlighten us, Sam," Dean sighed.
"It's not about a body or…or a casket it's about her memory, ok?" Sam started but when neither Dean nor I answered he continued, "And after dad it just feels like the right thing to do."
"It's irrational, that's what it is," Dean scoffed and I nodded in agreement.
"Look no one asked you to come," Sam remarked.
"Why don't we swing by the roadhouse instead," I suggested, "We haven't heard anything lately about the demon, we should be hunting that son of a bitch down."
"That's a good idea, we will drop you off and meet up with you tomorrow," Sam replied.
"No we won't," Dean shook his head.
"Why not?" I questioned.
"Because we are sticking together," Dean answered.
"You know this whole watching every move I make thing is getting really old, I am 21 I can do whatever the hell I want," I exclaimed.
"Well what can I say, apparently old habits die hard," Dean retorted.
"You know instead of arguing with each other you could just talk about how you are feeling," Sam said.
"Sounds great Dr. Phil, why doesn't Dean go first," I smirked.
"I'm not the one whose arm looks like a freaking cutting board," Dean stated ending all conversation until we pulled into the cemetery.
We could see mom's headstone from the road; Dean mumbled something about having to check the oil in the Impala while Sam made his way over to mom's grave. After being stuck in the car with two fighting brothers I needed some space and decided to walk around the cemetery a little. I absent mindedly read the headstones as I walked past them and stopped at one that said 'Loving Father at Rest', I tried to push down my emotions but tears were already sliding down my cheeks. I quickly turned my back and wiped them away so I wouldn't alert my brothers and that's when I noticed a random dead tree in the middle of the cemetery. I went over to check it out and realized that not only was the tree dead but also the flowers someone had left and all of the grass in the surrounding area.
SUPERNATURAL
"Angela Mason," I stated to both brothers who were waiting for me after I talked with the groundskeeper, "she was a student at the local college, her funeral was three day ago."
"And?" Sam questioned.
"And…you saw her grave, everything dead around it in a perfect circle; you don't think that's a little weird?" I replied.
"Maybe the groundskeeper went a little overboard with the pesticides," Sam mentioned.
"No I asked him, no pesticides…no chemicals nobody can explain it," I said as we walked back to the car.
"So what are you thinking?" Dean asked.
"I don't know, unholy ground maybe," I shrugged.
"Unholy…" Sam started with skepticism in his voice.
"What, if something evil happened there it could easily poison the ground," I cut him off.
"Like the farm in Cedar Rapids," Dean nodded; apparently he was the only one who agreed with me.
"Could be the sign of a demonic presence…or the Angela girl's spirit if it's powerful enough," I tried again but Sam didn't respond, "Well don't get too excited you might pull something."
"It's just stumbling on to a hunt…here of all places," Sam declared.
"So?" I questioned.
"So, are you sure this is about a hunt and not about something else?" Sam asked.
"What else would it be about?" I asked getting frustrated again.
"Just forget it," Sam sighed as he got into the car.
"Believe what you want Sam but we let you drag our asses out here, the least we can do is check this out," Dean said as he started the car.
"Girl's dad works in town he is a professor at the school," I smiled at the back of Sam's head excitedly.
SUPERNATURAL
"Dr. Mason?" Dean asked as a man opened his office door.
"Yes," the man slightly nodded.
"I'm Leah, this is Sam and Dean. We were friends of Angela's and wanted to offer our condolences."
"Please come in," Dr. Mason said as he fully opened the door.
Sam went and sat across from Dr. Mason as they looked through an album filled with pictures of Angela and family while Dean and I looked around the room.
"She was beautiful," Sam commented.
"Yes she was."
"This is an unusual book," I stated as I turned to show the cover which had strange writing on the front to Dr. Mason.
"It's ancient Greek, I teach a course."
"So a car accident, that's horrible," Dean said trying to keep conversation going as I placed the book back on the shelf.
"Angie was only a mile away from home when…" Dr. Mason trailed off as he started to get choked up.
"It's got to be hard, losing someone like that, sometimes it's like they are still around almost like you can still sense their presence. You ever feel anything like that?" I asked avoiding the glares I was getting from Sam.
"I do as a matter of fact," Dr. Mason said and I smiled knowingly at Dean.
"That's perfectly normal, Dr. Mason especially with what you are going through," Sam said as he looked at me.
"You know I still phone her and the phone's ringing before I remember that…family is everything you know, Angie was the most important thing in my life and now I…I'm just lost without her."
"We're very sorry," I said softly as I played with the charm on my necklace.
SUPERNATURAL
"I'm telling you there is something going on here we just haven't found it yet," I said as I flipped through dad's journal in our motel room while Dean was out getting us food.
"Leah, so far you've got a patch of dead grass and nothing and I don't know why you are going through his journal again you have that thing memorized," Sam stated as he came out of the bathroom.
"I could have missed something," I said not taking my eyes off of the pages, "And something turned that grave into unholy ground."
"There's no reason for it to be unholy ground! Angela Mason was a nice girl who died in a car crash, it's not exactly vengeful spirit material, you heard her father," Sam argued.
"Well maybe daddy doesn't know everything about his little angel, huh?" I challenged.
"You know what we should have never bothered that poor man, we shouldn't even be here anymore!"
"So what Sam, we just bail without figuring out whatever is going on?"
"I think I know what's going on here, it's the only reason I went along with you this far."
"What are you talking about?"
"This is about mom's grave."
"That's got nothing to do with it," I said as Dean walked into the room with pizza and beer.
"You wouldn't step within a hundred yards of it! Look, maybe you're imagining a hunt where there isn't one so you don't have to think about mom…or dad."
"Well you two don't miss a beat," Dean scoffed as I got up from my chair and paced the room clenching and unclenching my fists.
"You want to take another swing, go ahead if it will make you feel better," Sam said looking at me with sad eyes.
"I don't need this crap," I stated as I threw on my jacket and grabbed the keys to the Impala.
"Le, where are you going?" Dean sighed.
"I'm going to go get a drink," I replied and then noticed Dean was following me towards the door, "I'm going alone," I stated slamming the door in his face.
It took only about two minutes before my phone started ringing.
All your secrets crawl inside you keep them safe you let them hide you feel them drinking in your pain to kill the memories. So close your eyes and let it hurt.
I saw Dean's name come up on the caller ID and I pressed ignore before turning my phone off.
SUPERNATURAL
After a few drinks, a little research and sleeping in the Impala overnight I picked the lock on the front door of Angela's place to check it out. I walked around a few minutes before seeing the reflection of a girl in the glass of a picture.
"Who the hell are you?" she screamed as she ran into the bathroom and slammed the door.
"Wait, wait, wait, hold on," I tried; mentally kicking myself for not making sure no one was home.
"I'm calling 911!" she yelled from the other side of the door.
"I'm Angela's cousin!" I yelled trying to think quickly, the last thing I need was to be arrested my brothers would have a field day with that one.
"What?"
"Yeah her dad sent me over to pick up her stuff, my name is Stephanie…Stephanie Singer."
"Her dad didn't say that you were coming," she said as she opened the bathroom door to look at me.
"Well I mean how else would I have a key to your place?" I asked holding up the keys to the Impala.
"Oh God, I'm sorry please let's go sit," she said motioning me to the living room.
"It's ok it's been a rough time for all of us," I said as I took a seat.
"Yeah it has," she said before breaking down and sobbing; to be honest I was a little taken back by the sudden out burst.
"So, I'm sure you got a view of Angela that none of her family got to see. What was she like; I mean what was she really like?"
"She was great just great, I mean she was so…"
"Great," I finished for her as I restrained myself from rolling my eyes.
"Yeah," she nodded.
"You two must have been really close, huh?"
"We were but it's not just her, it's Matt."
"Who?"
"Angela's boyfriend."
"Right, Matt, what about him?" I asked, I guess I should have done more research and fewer shots.
"He killed himself last night…cut his own throat, who does that?"
"That's terrible."
"He was taking Angela's death pretty hard and I guess…I mean he'd been messed up about it for days."
"Messed up how?" I questioned.
"He kept saying that he saw her everywhere…"
"Well I'm sure that's normal I mean with everything he was going through," I said quoting Sam from earlier.
"No, he said he saw her, as in an acid trip or something."
"Were Angela and Matt a happy couple? I mean is there any reason that Angela would be angry with him?"
"What? No, of course not, why do you ask?"
"Just asking," I shrugged, "where did Matt live?"
SUPERNATURAL
"Where the hell have you been?" Dean hollered as I strolled into the motel room.
"Are you alright?!" Sam exclaimed jumping up from the chair he was sitting on.
"We've been trying to get a hold of you all night!" Dean yelled.
"I turned my phone off," I shrugged.
"Where were you?" Dean asked loudly.
"Working my imaginary case," I replied throwing my jacket on the bed.
"Yeah…and?" Sam questioned.
"Well you were right I didn't find much," I started and Sam nodded sympathetically, "Yeah, except that Angela's boyfriend died last night, slit his own throat. But you know, that's normal…let's see what else…oh, he was seeing Angela everywhere before he died but you know I'm sure that's just me transferring my own feelings."
"Ok I get it, I'm sorry maybe there is something going on here," Sam said.
"Maybe? Sam, I know how to do my job despite what you might think," I declared.
"Alright that's enough arguing, we should check out the guy's apartment," Dean said speaking up.
"I just came from there," I said as I sat on one of the beds so I could take my shoes off, "a pile of dead plants just like the cemetery, hell even a dead goldfish."
"So…unholy ground?" Dean asked.
"Maybe…I'm still not getting that powerful angry spirit vibe from Angela," I said as I got up and grabbed a small pink book out of my purse, "I have been reading this though."
"You stole the girl's diary? You almost broke my fingers off when I used to try and read yours!" Sam exclaimed.
"You had a diary?" Dean questioned with an eyebrow raised.
"I was like in kindergarten the only thing in it was pictures I drew but it was fun torturing Sammy," I said as I flipped through the diary, "Anyways…if anything this girl is a little too nice."
"Well not everyone can be as bitchy as you," Sam mumbled.
"So what do you want to do?" Dean asked quickly.
"Keep digging, talk to more of her friends," I replied.
"You get any names?" Sam asked.
"Are you kidding me, this girl wrote everything in here and I mean everything. She wrote what she ate, what classes she attended, who she hung out with, what positions her and Matt tried…and I have to say for such a nice girl I haven't even tried…"
"Whoa, whoa, whoa!" Dean yelled covering his ears.
"I think we get the point," Sam stated covering his own ears.
SUPERNATURAL
"I didn't realize the college employed grief counselors," Neil said as we stood on his front porch.
"Oh yeah, you talk we listen or maybe throw in a little therapeutic collage, what ever jump starts the healing," Dean said and I looked at him as if to ask 'who are you and what have you done with my brother?'
"Well, I think I'm ok thanks."
"Well you heard what happened to Matt Harrison, right?" I asked.
"Yeah, I did."
"We just wanted to make sure you were ok, grief can make people do crazy things," Sam said and I couldn't help but think he was actually talking about me.
"Look I'm sorry about what happened to him, I am but if Matt killed himself it wasn't because of grief."
"Then why?" Dean asked.
"It was guilt, Angie's death was Matt's fault and he knew it."
"How was Matt responsible?" Sam questioned.
"Well she really loved that guy but the night of the accident she walked in on him with another girl. She was really torn up, that's why she crashed the car. Um, look I have to get ready for work, so thanks for the concern, but…seriously, I'll be ok," Neil said before walking back into his house and closing the door.
"That vengeful spirit theory's starting to make a little more sense," Dean commented as we walked back to the car.
"Hell hath no fury," I added.
"So if Angela got her revenge on Matt, you think it's over?" Sam asked as we reached the car.
"Well, there's one way to be sure," I said sliding into the backseat.
"Yeah, what's that?" Dean questioned.
"Burn the bones."
"Burn the bones? Are you high?" Sam asked in disbelief.
"Not since high school although they were some great brownies," I answered.
"Angela died last week!" Sam exclaimed.
"So?" I questioned.
"So there's not going to be bones, there's going to be a ripe, rotting body in the coffin!" Sam nearly yelled, "Come on Dean, back me up on this!"
"Since when are you afraid to get dirty, huh?" Dean asked.
SUPERNATURAL
The three of us dug out the grave for about an hour and a half before we finally reached the coffin. I brushed away the remaining dirt before turning to Sam.
"Ladies first."
"Hold this," Sam said handing me his flashlight as he grimaced in anticipation on what we were going to see.
Sam opened the coffin but only to reveal that there was nothing inside.
"Please tell me we did not just dig for almost two hours for nothing," Dean said with aggravation.
"They buried the body four days ago, I don't get it," I said staring into the coffin.
"Look," Sam said pointing at some symbols carved into the top.
"What is that?" Dean asked.
"I'm not sure," Sam replied.
"I've seen these before," I said trying to remember where and then it hit me, Dr. Mason's office on that weird book.
Since it was the middle of the night they finally convinced me to wait until morning to talk to Dr. Mason so went back to the motel room to get some sleep. Overprotective Dean was still insisting that I shared a bed with him since he was a lighter sleeper than Sam and would know when I got in and out of bed like some stupid suicide watch. Sam and I each went right to bed but Dean said he needed to shower first. I barely made it to hear him turn the shower on and I drifted off to sleep.
I was walking around our old house when I heard a baby crying. I made my way up the stairs towards the direction the sound was coming from. I walked into mine and Sam's old nursery and froze when I saw my parents standing side by side next to my crib.
"I'm dead because of you," mom said as she brushed a lock of my hair behind my ear.
"I was just a baby," I tried to reason with myself.
"Not when I died you weren't," dad hollered, "All you had to do was get there first and I would still be alive."
"I know it should have been me," I cried.
"That's not good enough," dad said as they both burst into flames before my eyes.
"No!" I screamed.
I shot up in bed and gasped for air as tears streamed down my face.
"Hey, hey you're alright, I'm here," Dean said pulling me over to him and wrapping his arms around me, I hadn't even realized he was still awake watching TV, "You want to talk about it?"
I shook my head no against his chest and eventually fell into a dreamless sleep.
SUPERNATURAL
The next morning I knocked on Dr. Mason's door with all the strength I had.
"Leah, take it easy, ok?" Sam said and I glanced over at him before pounding on the door again.
"Or not," Dean mumbled before Dr. Mason opened the front door.
"You're Angie's friends, right?"
"Dr. Mason…" Sam started.
"We need to talk about Angela," I said harshly cutting him off.
"Well then come in," he said opening the door fully.
"Thanks," Dean nodded as we walked into the house.
"You teach ancient Greek, tell me what are these?" I asked handing him a rubbing I did of the symbols carved into the coffin.
"I don't understand you said this had something to do with Angela."
"It does, please just humor me," I said trying to keep my temper under control.
"They are part of an ancient Greek divination ritual."
"Used for necromancy, right?" I questioned already knowing the answer.
"That's right."
"See, before we came over here we stopped by the library and did a little homework ourselves. Apparently they used rituals like this one for communication with the dead, even bringing corpses back to life…full on zombie action," I rambled.
"Yes, I mean according to the legends. Now, what's this all about?" he asked handing the paper back to me.
"I think you know," I snarled snatching the paper out of his hands.
"Leah," Sam warned.
"Look I get it ok? There are people that I would give anything to see again but what gives you the right?" I asked quickly losing the small control I had on my anger.
"Leah!" Sam tried again.
"What are you talking about?" Dr. Mason questioned.
"What's dead should stay dead!" I screamed.
"Stop it!" Dean yelled.
"What you brought back isn't even your daughter anymore! These things are vicious, they're violent, they're so nasty they rot the ground around them! I mean, come on haven't you seen Pet Cemetery?" I screamed.
"You're insane."
"Where is she?" I yelled.
"Get out of my house," Dr. Mason stated as he started dialing the phone.
"I know you are hiding her somewhere, where is she?!" I screamed ripping the phone out of his hands and slamming it back down on the receiver.
"Leah! Stop, that's enough! Leah look," Dean said grabbing my jacket and spinning me around, "beautiful, living plants."
"We're leaving," Sam told Dr. Mason.
"I'm calling the police!"
I shrugged out of Dean's grasp and stormed out the door.
"Sir, we're sorry we won't bother you again," Dean said quickly before turning to follow me.
"What the hell's the matter with you?" Sam asked as I stormed down the sidewalk.
"Back off," I sneered.
"That man is innocent, he didn't deserve that!" Sam yelled as if I was some little kid.
"Ok so she's not here, maybe he's keeping her somewhere else," I said.
"Stop it! That's enough, ok? Enough!" Sam yelled.
"Sam, I know what I'm doing," I stated.
"No you don't, at all. Leah, I don't scare easy but you're scaring the crap out of me!" Sam admitted.
"Don't be overdramatic, Sam," I sighed.
"No he's right," Dean said speaking up and stopping us in our tracks.
"You're lucky this turned out to be a real case because if it wasn't you would have just found something else to kill," Sam started.
"What?" I questioned.
"You're on edge, you're erratic…except for when you're hunting, because then you're downright scary. You're tail spinning, Le and you refuse to talk about it and you won't let us help you," Sam finished.
"I can take care of myself, thanks," I protested.
"No, you can't and you know what? You're the only one who thinks you should have to! You don't have to handle this on your own, no one can and I'm pretty sure if you talk about it those nightmares you keep having will go away," Dean tried.
"Please freckles, we've already lost dad, we've lost mom, I've lost Jessica…and now I'm going to lose you too?" Sam asked.
"It should have been me to begin with," I muttered.
"What?" Dean asked.
"We better get out of here before the cops come," I said as I started walking the rest of the way back to the car.
"Leah," Sam called after me.
"I hear you, ok? I'm being a bitch and I'm sorry but right now we've got a fucking zombie running around and we need to figure out how to kill it," I said turning to talk to them.
SUPERNATURAL
"We can't just waste it with a headshot?" Dean asked pacing the length of our motel room.
"Dude, you've been watching way too many Romero flicks," Sam shook his head.
"Hey, 'Night of the Living Dead' was a great movie," I added.
"So you're telling me there's no lore on how to smoke 'em?" Dean questioned.
"No, we're telling you there's too much," I replied, "I mean there's a hundred different legends on the walking dead, but the all have different methods for killing them. Some say setting them on fire, my personal favorite is feeding their hearts to wild dogs."
"Is there anything they all have in common?" Dean asked.
"No, but a few said silver might work," Sam answered.
"Silver's a start."
"Yeah but now how are we going to find Angela?" Sam questioned.
"We've got to figure out the person who brought her back," Dean stated.
"I think if it's not her dad it might be that guy Neil," I said getting up and grabbing her diary.
"Neil?" Sam questioned.
"Neil's a real shoulder to cry on, he so understands what I'm going through with Matt," I read one of the entries, "There's more in here where that came from, it's got Unrequited Ducky Love written all over it, I mean seriously if I ever get this girly shoot me."
"No problem," Dean smirked.
"Yeah but that doesn't mean he brought her back from the dead," Sam argued.
"Did I mention he's Dr. Mason's TA? He has access to all the same books."
SUPERNATURAL
"Hello? Neil?" Dean called out after we broke into his place.
"It's your grief counselors, we've come to hug!" I added earning an eye roll from Sam.
"Silver bullets?" Sam asked as Dean pulled his gun out.
"Yeah, enough to make her rattle like a change purse," he answered as we walked through the house.
"Hey, you think he's just locking up his porn?" I asked pointing to the basement door that was bolted from the outside.
Sam carefully unlocked the door and opened it while Dean aimed his gun. We made our way down the stairs to see an empty bed in the middle of the room.
"Sure looks like a zombie den to me," Dean commented looking around.
"Yeah an empty one, you think Angela's going after somebody?" Sam asked.
"Nah, I think she went out to rent Beaches," I scoffed.
"Look smartass she might kill someone we've got to find her," Sam exclaimed.
"She clipped Matt because he was cheating, right?" Dean questioned.
"Yeah…" Sam said not catching on.
"Well it takes two to, you know, have hardcore sex," I stated.
"So how are we supposed to figure out who he slept with?" Sam asked.
"Lindsay did," I replied.
"Who's Lindsay?" Sam questioned.
"Angela's roommate."
"How do you know?" Dean asked.
"No girl is that broken up over her friend's dead boyfriend if she never got any."
SUPERNATURAL
We got to Angela's house just in time to see Lindsay and Angela fighting. Dean pulled out his gun and shot her three times in the back and once in the front before she fled out the back door. Dean tried to go after her with no luck.
"Damn that dead chick can run," he exclaimed.
"What now?" Sam asked.
"I say we go have a little chat with Neil," I stated.
SUPERNATURAL
"So the silver bullets they did something, right?" I asked from the backseat of the Impala as we made our way to the college.
"Yeah something but not enough, what else you got?" Dean asked.
"Um, ok, besides silver we have nailing the undead back into their grave beds. It's mentioned a few times it's probably where the whole vampire staking lore comes from," Sam suggested.
"Their grave beds?" Dean questioned.
"Yeah," Sam nodded.
"Are you serious? How the fuck are we going to get Angela back to the cemetery?!"
SUPERNATURAL
"What are you guys doing here?" Neil asked as we walked into his office on campus.
"You know I've heard of some people doing pretty desperate things to get laid, but you…you take the cake," Dean said.
"Ok, who are you guys?"
"You might want to ask Angela that question," I replied.
"What?"
"We know what you did, the ritual…everything," Sam answered.
"You're crazy."
"Your girlfriend's past her expiration date and we're crazy? When someone's gone they should stay gone, you don't mess with that kind of stuff," I declared.
"Angela killed Matt, she tried to kill Lindsay," Sam tried.
"I don't know what you're talking about."
"Hey!" I yelled yanking him up from the chair by his collar, "No more crap, this blood is on your hands! Now we can make this right but you've got to tell us where she is…tell us!"
"My house, she's at my house."
I let him go and when I turned to walk back to the other side of the room I noticed the dead plants.
"You sure about that?" I asked Neil who looked nervously at the closet door.
"Listen, it doesn't really matter where she is. There's only one way to stop her. We've got to perform another ritual over her grave to reverse the one that you did. We're going to need some black root, some scar weed, some candles…it's very complicated, but it will get the job done and she'll be dead again in a couple of hours. I think you should come with us…I'm serious Neil, leave with us, right now," Dean said.
"No…no."
"Listen to me," I said softly, "Get out of here as soon as you can but most of all be cool. No sudden movements; don't make her mad or she will go all psycho dead girl on your ass."
SUPERNATURAL
"You really think this is going to work?" I asked as we lit candles around Angela's grave.
"No, not really but it's the only thing I could come up with," Dean answered as we heard some leaves rustling.
Dean nodded at Sam who took off towards the noise with his gun raised.
"This better work," I whispered to Dean as we hid.
"Shut up," Dean said putting his hand over my mouth to keep me quiet.
I know I probably looked like a four year old but I couldn't help myself, I stuck my tongue out and licked his palm so he would remove his hand.
"That's disgusting," he complained wiping his hand on his jeans.
"Here they come," I said as we watched Sam being chased by Angela.
Dean and I stood up from our hiding spot and each unloaded a clip into her successfully knocking her into her coffin. Dean slid in after her and impaled a metal rod through her.
"What's dead should stay dead."
SUPERNATURAL
It was morning by the time we got the grave filled back in.
"Rest in peace," Sam said as we finished.
"Yeah for good this time," I added.
"You know, that whole fake ritual thing, luring Angela to the cemetery, pretty sharp," Sam complimented.
"Thanks," Dean nodded.
"I still don't understand why we had to use me as bait," Sam said.
"I figured you were more her type, you know, she did have pretty crappy taste in guys," I replied as I jumped on his back.
"You want to stay for awhile?" Dean asked as mom's headstone came into view.
"No," I answered and Sam held onto my legs.
SUPERNATURAL
We were in the middle of no where when Dean pulled the Impala off to the side of the road, got out of the car and sat on the hood. I shared a confused look with Sam before we followed him out of the car.
"De, what's going on?" I asked.
"I'm sorry."
"You…sorry for what?" Sam asked as he sat on the other side of the hood.
"The way I've been acting, I mean hell I can't be mad at Leah for not talking if I won't…and I'm sorry about dad, he was your dad too and it's my fault he's gone."
"What are you talking about?" I asked squeezing my way in between both brothers.
"I know you've been thinking it…so have I. It doesn't take a genius to figure it out. Back at the hospital, I made a full recovery, it was a miracle and five minutes later dad's dead and the Colt is gone."
"Dean…" Sam tried.
"You can't tell me there's not a connection there. I don't know how the demon was involved; I don't know how the whole thing went down exactly but dad's dead because of me and that much I do know."
"We don't know that, not for sure," Sam tried again.
"Sam, you, Le and dad…you're the most important people in my life. And now…I never should have come back. It wasn't natural and now look what's come of it. I was dead and I should have stayed dead, you wanted to know how I was feeling, well that's it," Dean said as a tear rolled down his cheek, "So tell me, what could you possibly say to make that alright?"
"It wasn't your fault," I said softly allowing my own tears to fall freely.
"Leah's right Dean," Sam started but I cut him off.
"It's not your fault because it's mine," I stated avoiding their faces and stared at the ground, "You were right Sam, I went after the demon that night, that's why I checked myself out…but I was too late…by the time I made it back to the hospital…"
"Why would you do something like that?" Dean asked getting off the hood.
"I thought you were going to die," I said softly.
"Do you realize you could have died? We could have been at your funeral instead!" Dean yelled.
"Don't you think I know that?" I screamed getting off the hood, "Don't you think I think about that every second of everyday! Dad could be alive right now if I was a few seconds faster, it's my fault he is dead!"
"It's nobody's fault!" Sam hollered, "Look it hurts like hell that he is gone but the guilt you are both carrying around with you is going to eat you alive and I for one need you…both of you."
"I don't know how to live without him," I admitted as tears streamed down my face.