A/N: If anyone's still out there... I'm particularly proud of these next two chapters, they were one of the first scenes I had in my head when I started on this fic. Read and Review please, it keeps me motivated.
"John?" he heard and he looked up. He'd been pouring over every shred of evidence they'd collected over the last few weeks on his father's case. Hoping against hope that he'd find anything to give him a new lead.
"Hey Hugh" he said and he entered, closing the door behind him.
It had been a few hours since he and Hugh had yelled at each other over Lenny Kravitz. He hadn't heard from him since.
"I came to apologize" Hugh said, "Lenny was brought in for a traffic violation, which shouldn't have happened, and I know getting Natalie back is at the top of your mind, and I shouldn't have insinuated anything contrary"
"You were just doing your job" John said, leaning back in his office chair.
"Thanks" Hugh said, "I want to find her, too. She's a good friend"
"I know" John said, "and I know I'm certainly not making your job any easier these days"
"These are extenuating circumstances. For all of us, but especially for you"
"Yeah, but God forbid that gets out"
"Would it be helpful or harmful to tell you that it's too late for that?"
"I saw the news" he said.
"Stay away from the papers" Hugh advised.
"Manning?" John asked.
"Yeah"
"Asshole" John muttered.
"You'd think he'd be a help; I mean he's her uncle, right?"
"Yeah, but he doesn't really care about her, and he sure doesn't like me" he said, rubbing his face.
"Yeah, I guess" Hugh said, "is there anything I can do for you? Like at all?"
John shook his head, "You don't owe me anything"
"I meant as a friend"
"I just – we need to find her"
"What happens when we do?"
"Truman hopefully goes to jail for the rest of his sorry life"
"No, I mean- you and Natalie had a pretty big fight, right? And you're driving yourself crazy about that"
"Well," he said, "she was right"
"I'm sure she was" Hugh said, "I just hope you and her are okay at the end of all of this"
"Me too" he said.
"I know you don't like talking about her at work. I just hope you know I'm on your side. I want both of you to be happy. And I think- I think you probably make each other happy" When John was silent at that, he started babbling, trying to convey support, "I can't imagine what must be going through your head every minute she's gone. I know every set of eyes are on you, I know you know that. If you need anything-"
"I hate the way they're all telling this story. They way they're talking about her, she sounds like she's a helpless thing like a piece of a game" he said, "She is the furthest thing from helpless there is. And I know Truman took her to get to me, but that doesn't make her a different person. And I hate they keep calling her an heiress. And Truman, he called her trash-" he paused, taking a breath, "It's just- it's just not who she is and I know she wouldn't like any of it"
"I've never you heard you talk about her that much" Hugh said.
"Yeah, well, all that stuff, it bothers the hell out of me. And I can't do anything about it, I can't change the way they're talking about her"
"yeah" Hugh said, "but- we're going to find her"
"If it's the last thing I do"
"When we find her, I hope you two get some time to yourselves" Hugh said, "and please, if you need anything, even just someone to yell at-"
"Thanks, Hugh"
It's done
He opened up his computer program. Presuming Blair had done so correctly, the computer was telling him Truman was at the hospital. He wondered how long it would be before he left and went anywhere that could be a lead. Not that he could do anything with the information at the moment, since he was doing all this without a warrant.
He adjusted the settings so the computer would beep when he moved. He heard a knock on the door.
"John?"
"Hey Mike" he said.
"Any new leads?"
"Nothing concrete" he said, "She's still missing"
"How are you holding up?" Mike asked, though he already knew.
"The same"
"I saw the news"
"Yeah" he said, "I can't stand it"
"I'm sure" he said, "I'm worried about you, Johnny"
"Don't worry about me" he said, "Truman, you should worry about"
"You'll get him" Mike said, "and she'll come back to you"
"I hope so"
"Why wouldn't she?"
"She was pretty mad at me right before" he said, "I, uh, worked through the night and didn't call or text and she- she just wanted better for me"
"Well, that does sound like Natalie" Michael said, "but she loves you, and she knows you and you're going to do plenty more things to piss her off"
"Yeah, if she lets me"
"I bet you have a lifetime of pissing her off ahead of you"
"A lifetime? I hope I get my act together before that"
"And here I thought you'd get freaked out by the idea of a lifetime" Michael said, "what changed?"
"What are you talking about?" John knew that was a weak deflection. He'd heard the insinuation in Mike's voice. The deflection should have come at the insinuation they'd be together for a lifetime. At this precise moment in time, spending a lifetime with her seemed a lot less scary than possibly never seeing her again.
"I mean if I make a crack about you and Natalie, usually you deflect a lot faster"
"I'm not really thinking straight right now"
"Sure. Or maybe her being gone for a few days has made you realize how you actually feel about her"
"Mike-"
"You're driving yourself crazy because you finally know you love her"
"Let's not get-"
"Stop" he said, "I know you don't want to admit it, and I'm not the one who deserves to hear it" he said, "but you know –"
"Mikey-" he paused.
"What? Did I hit a nerve?"
"Of course not" John threw his pencil down.
"Then why this reaction?"
"Because it's my fault this is happening to her" he paused, "and if she blames me for all this-"
"you're afraid of losing her"
"I guess, if that's what that means" he said, "I don't see what good this train of thought does, especially while she's missing"
"Because when you find her and things are good between you again, I hope you tell her how you feel. Because I'm betting, you're kicking yourself now that she doesn't know. I hope this is a wakeup call-"
"Mike-" he said.
"Can I take you out for dinner or something?" he said, thinking they could keep talking at Rodi's.
"No, I want to keep working"
"When was the last time you took a break?"
"I can't take a break"
"I know you want to keep going, but – "
"But what?"
"You need to take a break sometime"
"No" he said, "Not til she's back"
"Just long enough to eat something"
"I'm not hungry"
"When was the last time you were hungry?"
"I don't know"
"Okay" Mike said, finally taking a seat opposite John at his desk.
"Huh?"
"If you're not going to leave, fine. But I have the night off, Marcie's situated with Tommy, and she agreed I should spend some time with you tonight"
"I don't need a babysitter"
"No" he said, "but I do think you probably need a friendly face right now"
"The only face I want to see-"
"I know. I'm not Natalie. I'm not going to pretend I can substitute what she is to you, because I can't. God knows how she keeps you in line"
"I don't know how she does it either" he said, "that's uh, that's what we were fighting about. She wanted me to want to be with her"
"You don't?"
"Of course I do, I just, I lost track of time I worked through the night, I forgot to talk to her for the night-"
"She was mad"
"Yeah"
"She knows you very well, Johnny. She wouldn't have been mad this long"
"Maybe not" he said, "but you know, I still screwed up. I told her, I told her if she gave me another chance it would be different. And it's not. I'm still screwing up; she's still paying the price"
"So stop screwing up"
"Yeah, how am I going to do that?"
"Tell her all that would probably be a good start" he said.
"She doesn't need me to tell her"
"No" he said, "but she might want you to"
"Then why is she with me in the first place"
"Because she loves you, you idiot. Surely you know that" he said, "I'm sure you also know you love her. And I hope you finally tell her that when you find her"
"Mike-"
"You don't want to tell your little brother you're in love?"
"No, actually I don't" he said, looking down.
"Well, tell me or not, I know it's true" he said, "You wouldn't be working yourself to death to find her if it weren't true"
"She didn't deserve to be kidnapped by Truman. All that because of me. Just like Haver, and Barber all over again"
"You found her those times and you'll find her again"
"How many times is she going to be hurt because of me?" he said, "And how long until she gets killed because-"
"Stop it" Michael said, "you are not going to find her if you're busy wallowing"
"I'm not wallowing. I just- Clint came by and found out about the notes and said she was better off without me and- the way they're telling this story, she was left wide open. Truman knew taking her would make me stop looking at Dad's murder"
"Did it?"
"Of course it did. That's why he did it. And she's drugged and alone and-"
"And you finally figured out she's more important than any case" he said, "and I think you already know, this is exactly what Dad would want you to do"
"Yeah, you're probably right" he said, looking down.
"You know" he said, "Natalie's a pretty stubborn lady. She knows Truman's coming off the rails, she's not going to let herself go down like that. And she's probably going to want to see you take down the guy who was keeping her hostage"
"I think she'd prefer to take him down herself"
"I'm sure if the option presents itself, she will" Michael said.
They were interrupted when the phone rang.