He'd driven around for a little bit more, but eventually found himself at the Angel Square Hotel. He knew he couldn't sleep if he tried, so instead of turning at his floor, he followed the steps all the way up and stepped onto the rooftop. He tried to take a deep breath, but could only manage a shallow one. He wondered if he'd ever breathe easily again.

He sat on the bench that had been up there longer than he'd lived here. If he moved his head to the right, he'd be able to see the Christmas lights and the trunk that stored the blankets he and Natalie often slept on when they spent the night up here. Instead, he focused his sights on the mountain in the distance of the small city skyline.

He took a pull of the beer in his hand. He turned the jazz record up. He'd been back from Thailand for about a week, hadn't lost his job, but hadn't managed to get anything concrete on Vickers, either, and his timeline on that was quickly disappearing. To make matters worse, Natalie had been back in his life for only a few short weeks, already had her life in danger a few times, was mad at him because he'd snapped at her when she came in late from class. He'd had no reason to do it either, other than just being frustrated and wanting to talk to her and she hadn't been there.

Which is what got him here. She was very likely going to chew him out when she saw him again, and he didn't know what to do about that. On the other hand, he really wanted to see her, really wanted to spend some time feeling like a human again, and that only happened when she was nearby.

He sighed. Less than a month ago, he'd told her this would be different, that he'd try harder, and be a real partner to her. And he'd done none of that.

But it was all temporary. Right? Once all this was over-

He couldn't imagine life without this burden on him. He'd been carrying it his whole adult life. Who was he to think he knew what life without it would be like?

He heard the door budge and footsteps behind him. She stopped short when she saw him. Silently, he handed her a beer and waited for the yelling to start.

Silently, she took it and sat next to him. He wasn't sure what to make of that.

"Tess says that if Nash is Bree's father, they're going back to Napa"

"Huh?"

"yeah, she says Jessica isn't coming back, so unless Antonio actually is the father-"

"That must be hard to hear"

"And I don't know what to believe, you know? My dad seems to think he's got this read on Nash, but-"

"But what?"

"The guy's run cons before, right? Who's to say what his real intentions are?"

"You got a good sense of people. Better than your dad, I'd venture to say" he said, "Is this why you were late from class today?"

"Yeah, my mom caught me up after class. You know, Bo's got the whole thing with Paige and Matthew, he's been so busy-"

"Yeah, he has been" John said, "I shouldn't have gone off on you like that. I had no idea you were dealing with all this. I'm sorry I've been so self- centered"

"Thanks" she said, "but you know, if all this hadn't been fresh on my mind I probably wouldn't have cared" she said.

"that's really not fair for you" he said, "And I told you – "

"You told me a lot of things" she said, "and I told myself some more things. And, all in all, you're still you and I'm still me and we can both be real jerks. I'm not sure what's the point-"

"What has got you acting so defeated?" he said, "This isn't like you"

"I just feel like I'm failing on all fronts" she said, getting up and walking towards the edge of the roof, "I thought I could do all this and do it with ease. But I'm losing my sister a little bit every day, my grades are terrible, we're fighting-"

"I mean, the fights are definitely on me" he said.

"Right, I'm a saint" she laughed.

He crossed the few steps to be next to her, "no, but I do know I am not being very considerate of all you're dealing with. And you're being than more than considerate to what I'm dealing with"

"That's love" she said, "I don't expect you to say anything to that" she paused, "but that's what I'm dealing with. Balancing all this plus myself-"

"We're all lucky to have you" he said, "Jessica, the baby, every last one of us, we are lucky to have you in our corner"

"Yeah and who's in mine?"

"You come off real tough, you know. You fooled me today. You know how to take care of yourself, and you do it real good. I know I sometimes forget you need –"

"I don't need anything" she quickly defended herself.

"I know you don't" he said, "Sometimes I forget you don't always want to be left on your own"

"Well- needing someone, that's not who I am" she said.

"It's just me you're talking to, you know" he said, "You know I get the same way"

"Yeah, I guess maybe that's why we like each other" she said.

"Maybe" he said, "but there's plenty of other reasons, too" he said looking down.

She smiled, and she let herself fall into his embrace.

"How do you want to spend the night?" he asked, into her hair.

"I could really, really use a break" she said, "Can we stay up here, no phones on?"

"I will switch to vibrate" he said, "Here, help me set the blankets up, I got plenty of beer for the night and it's supposed to be real nice out"

"That sounds great" she said, "Thank you"

She could take care of herself. She did it all the time. She tricked people into thinking she didn't need anything. He'd fallen for it before. She could do it now. A million memories could have played out in his mind tonight. Much better ones. Maybe he needed a reminder of just how tough she was. Maybe he needed a reminder that she needed someone, even if she pretended that she didn't. That was one of the complexities of their relationship, that she felt supported by only his presence. That was about the only thing he'd ever manage to do for her, was just show up. He supposed that was all he was able to do today.

The sun rose over the small town and he headed back to his car. Unsure of what the day was going to bring, he drove to the station and said a silent prayer.