Full Moon – Chapter 1
I knew the pain I was feeling wasn't anything ordinary. I knew something was wrong, and I knew I needed to go to the hospital now, but I didn't know how I'd be able to do so.
It took me over 8 months to be able to convince my dad that I'd be fine moving to Alaska, by myself, to pursue my degree in English Literature. He knew I'd be going out to school at some point soon, by he also knew that me and cold places weren't exactly best friends. Of course, I never mentioned to him that I'd never again live in a sunny city, in hopes to meet up again, one day, with the ones that left me behind over 3 years ago. Although I wasn't exactly expecting that to happen any time soon, the hope was what kept me going for most of the time. So yeah, I'd be fine.
I would be fine, but not today. Today I was in pain.
Most people would have ruled out my pain as a really bad cramp, but I knew better. I was never one to have rough periods, I wasn't one to get cramps, and I also hadn't had a period since I started taking the pill, continuously, over a year ago. If this was cramps, something had to be really wrong with my uterus.
I grab my phone to call an Uber, as I can barely stand on my two legs and definitely shouldn't be driving the new Prius I had just gotten. I try to keep my breathing steady, but the pain makes it hard for me to focus. I want to cry. I haven't cried in pain for a couple years now, and it was such a different pain from the one I was just feeling. I didn't want to cry in pain anymore, for any type of pain at all, so I hold it back. No more crying, Bella Swan.
The Uber arrives, and I just urge the driver to hurry, and she does with no questions ask. Mental note for tomorrow: Give her a 5 stars review. As she parks on the ER entrance, I thank her in a low voice tone, trying to hold back my pain, and I rush into the doors, making sure to walk up all the stairs carefully.
I had been to this particular ER a couple times in the past 2 years of college. Moving away from Forks didn't change, at all, my coordination. It might have even gotten worse with the extra snow up here. I wasn't acquaintances with the people in this hospital at all, but some faces were already recognizable, as the one of the old men, staring at me at the weirdly empty reception.
"Good night my dear, what can I help you with?" He asked nicely, getting up to take a look at me. I couldn't hold a standing position and I had an arm wrapped around my lower belly area.
"Pain. A lot. Not cramps." It's all I'm able to say, before he comes out of his booth and brings me a wheel chair, in which I sit down with a relief. I was gonna be taken cared of.
"I'm going to need your documents and health insurance card, so I can fill in your information. I'll also need an emergency contact information." He says, as I sit down and grab my bag. I take out my ID, insurance card and a paper with my parents' info, and give to him. "It will only take a second honey, and we will be taking you in." He promises me, going back into his booth. I try my best to control my breathing and curl myself into an almost fetal position in the chair, waiting for this long as fuck second to pass by. I don't actually see when he comes back and starts pushing my chair to the back of the hospital, where the nurses and doctors are, but I'm grateful for it, and for him putting my cards all back in my bag without asking for my attention. This old dude really deserves a raise. Mental note for tomorrow: Put in a good word for the dude on the hospital reception.
I can feel the nurses taking over the chair control, and I feel people propping me into a hospital bed. I can see the hospital lights around me, and I can hear their voices discussing what they were going to do, but I could only focus on my breathing, and trying no to cry and scream in pain. You're stronger than this Bella. You don't scream in pain anymore, not anymore.
"Ms. Swan, we need you to change into this robe please." A young-looking nurse asks me, offering me a little bag with an ugly hospital robe inside. I shake my head trying to explain to her that I wouldn't be able to do it by myself and focus at the same time, so she offers to help and I agree. Once she's done stripping me and putting the robe on, she informs me that the doctor will be with me in a second. I hear the doctor's name but I don't actually pay attention to it. I don't care about who will be taking care of me, I just need them to do it quickly.
I can see someone else entering the small hospital bed booth I'm in, and my eyes take a second to focus on their face. I don't even try to focus on my pain anymore, as my whole body is frozen, looking at the one person I never imagined to meet here, and under these circumstances.
"Bella, oh my God, Bella!" Her beautiful chiming bells voice reaches my ears, and a new wave of relief hits my body. I'd be ok. I've found them. They found me.
"Rosalie." That's all I can say, before the pain takes over again, and everything goes black.
The noises of the hospital machines are getting louder as I start waking up. It takes me almost an entire minute to get situated on where I am and what I'm doing here. First thing I realize is that the pain is gone. Secondly, I have a lot of wires connected to my body, and an IV in. Thirdly, Rosalie. I can hear her voice, and I'm brought back to the fact that she was here. She was my doctor. She found me. I hear her voice getting mad outside my hospital room. Room, what happened to my booth? I can't afford a private room. What's happening.
"You're not getting in. You are not family; you are not in her emergency contacts list; You're not a doctor in this hospital. And she definitely doesn't need you here right now. You can come in later, if she wants to see you, what I doubt. Now I'll go back to my patient, and you get the hell out of my brain." I hear her saying, and I can see her shadow passing through the blurred windows of my private room, until she reached my door and comes inside.
I'm taken back by her beauty. Ignoring the obvious vampire beauty that I had missed so much, Rosalie had always been more like an angel-looking person, than anyone else I've ever met. She looks at me with a sweet sympathetic look in her face, that scares me a bit. Although I had missed every single one of them, she wasn't the nicest one in the family, or the one I missed the most, so this was weird.
"Hi Bella." She said, approaching the bed. She looked even more beautiful in her work clothes and with her hair up. Not fair. "How are you feeling?" She asks, grabbing my medical records from the foot of my bed, and taking a look at it. "I know you have loads of questions and I know you probably don't want to see me here, but let's go thru this first and then we can talk if you want, okay?" She asks me, and I agree with my head. "Good, so how are you feeling? Any pain?"
I try to find my voice to answer her, and I also take a second to pay attention to my body and how I'm feeling. "I'm ok, still a dull far pain, but absolutely nothing like I was experiencing before." I say, and my voice is a bit hoarse, so I clean my throat before continuing. "What happened to me? What's wrong? How long have I been here?" I notice that the sun is up outside, and realize it should be at least afternoon for that.
"Bella, do you remember anything about last night at all?" She asks me, getting closer a bit, and checking the monitors behind my head.
"I was in pain, a lot of pain, but I don't feel cramps because I take the pill nonstop. It felt weird, so I came in. All I remember was seeing you before passing out." She shoots me another sympathetic look, and I start getting worried. "Rosalie, what's wrong?"
"Bella, what you experienced last night wasn't normal period cramps. I'm extremely sorry to say, but you suffered a spontaneous miscarriage. It was too late when you arrived, there was nothing I could do about it." She reaches for my hand when she's explaining to me what happened. I let her hold my hand, and I'm welcomed by the nostalgic and super nice cold feeling of her skin touching mine. Wait, what, miscarriage?
"A miscarriage? But I wasn't pregnant." I say, confused. She looks a bit surprised by my reaction.
"Bella, you were pregnant. You didn't know?" She asks, very confused.
"There's no way I was pregnant Rosalie." I fight her a bit. She looks even more confused, and I know what she will ask next, so I have to clear things out. "I'm not a virgin, not anymore, but I'm on the pill, and I don't miss a single day of it." Her looks change a bit, less confused, more worried.
"Although the pill is very safe, it isn't 100% Bella. And I can tell you this with full certainty, what you went thru last night, was a miscarriage. I understand this might be confusing, even more so if you didn't even know you were pregnant, and I know it's painful, but I need to explain to you what the procedures had to be done, and what your recovery will be like, you ok with that?" She asks, holding my hand a bit firmer. I appreciate her not letting go. I agree with my head, although I'm still trying to wrap my head around it. Pregnant. What?
"As soon as we got an ultrasound done, and realized what was happening, we had to put you under a mild sedative, and perform a D&C, a dilation and curettage, to clean your uterus. Since you've been under a sedative, it is normal to feel dizzy and thirsty. You may still feel some mild cramps and spotting or light bleeding, those are very common. Although this all sounds scary, it does not make you infertile at all, and in general you seem to be as healthy as it gets." She says, trying to explain everything slowly, so I can understand everything. Dizziness, bleeding, cramps, healthy. Okay. "You'll be in bed arrest for a few more days, and I can't sign your release until at least tomorrow morning, so if you need me to call your boyfriend, or someone else, just give me the contact and I will. I see your emergency contacts are still your parents. You're over 21 and we didn't see a reason to warn them, but we can also do that if you wish us to." She says, checking my records again. I shake my head.
"I don't have a boyfriend. And I don't think I wanna tell Charlie or Renee just yet. Can you please not do that?" I ask her, worried about what my parents would think. I don't want to worry them, and I also don't want to share this part of my life with them just yet. Rosalie stares at me when I mention the lack of a boyfriend, but she doesn't say a word on it, and I appreciate it.
"Alright, no calls. I've been assigned as your doctor, as I was the one doing the night shift and my specialty is women's health. But if you don't feel comfortable with it, we will make sure to pair you up with someone else. I promise I won't hold it against you, in your place I wouldn't want to see me at all right now." She shoots me a shy smile. And I start panicking and shaking my head. She was leaving? Again? Before I even got to see everyone else? Before I get to see... him?
"No, please don't. Don't leave." I ask her, almost begging, I can hear my heart monitor go insane, and she looks at me with an apologetic look, flooding with pity and regret.
"It's okay Bella, I'm not leaving, I'm right here." She promises holding my hand. "I guess this takes us on the next part of this conversation then." She wonders, looking at me. I agree with my head. "So, tell me, what are you doing in Alaska?"
"English Lit, college. I'm about to start my Junior year." I answer. It is weird to be having a conversation with Rosalie. We never talked at all.
"Oh, that's super fun! I'm glad you giving college a try, it's a blast." She says with a genuine smile. "Why Alaska though? I remember Edward mentioning how much you hated the cold; I could have bet you'd end up in SoCal or Nevada." Her question makes me a bit uncomfortable and I blush. The mention of his name also makes my heart go insane again. That's definitely a conversation that I expected to have with any other Cullen, but her. "It's okay if you don't want to talk about it. I'm just curious. We all are."
"You ALL are?" I raise my voice, worried. Edward. Did he know I was here? Wait, was he the one on the other side of the door before she came in? She did say stay out of my brain. Was he here? Meters away from me? "Where is he? Where's everyone?" I ask, not being able to hold it back anymore.
"We are all here. Carlisle is also working in this hospital; his shift is supposed to start right after mine. We just arrived in the city a couple weeks ago. So yeah, we are all here. He's here." She measures my reaction to her words before continuing. "I mean, Edward is here, HERE. He hasn't left the hospital since the moment Alice saw me calling home to let them know you were my patient tonight." She apologizes with a look and a small smile, but I don't mind. He's HERE. "I understand if you don't want to see any of us. I understand if you want me to kick his ass away from this place. We will even leave if you want us to. But I need you to tell me what you want." She says, and my heart skip a beat with the mention of them leaving again.
"NO. NO MORE LEAVING." I basically scream trying to get up, but the pain in my stomach is back and I can't.
"Alright, alright, no leaving, but you need to stay quiet Bella. You still in bed arrest and recovery, please remember what I told you." She says, checking on me as the pain started going down again. Oh no. The pain. Abortion. Edward in the hospital. He knows.
"He knows." I say in a low voice, but she still can hear it. "He knows why I'm here, and he KNOWS." I shake a bit. I didn't want him to find out this way. He wanted me to have a normal human life, but it probably sucked knowing the girl you loved lost her virginity to someone else.
"I'm not allowed to discuss medical situations with anyone you don't approve, and I'm really good at keeping my thoughts to myself, but yeah he knows, the nurses don't have the same restraint. Or knowledge of the fact they need said restraint." She apologizes. "I understand if you don't want to see him, but I need to say one thing to you if that's okay." She asks, and I agree with her. I really want to see him, but I want to know what she has to say. "Don't hate him. He will tell you everything you want to know, and he will explain it all, or I will if you don't want to see him. But don't hate him, he only did what he thought it was the best." She says, and it takes me by surprise. Not what she's saying, but the fact she's advocating for him. This is a completely different Rose from the one I remembered.
"I don't hate him at all. Or any of you for what matters. And I understand why he did it. It took me months to get over the pain, and it still sucks, but I get it." I start explaining it, but I stop as I feel like Edward should be in here for this explanation, I should talk to him too. I take a very deep breath, and prepare my heart and soul to see him again. "Edward? I know you can hear me. Get your butt in here." I try to make a joke to light up the mood, but none of us needed Jasper here to know that the mood in the room had completely changed. I could feel the tension in the air.
Rosalie lets go of my hand and move a bit further away from my bed, to open space for me to see the door and Edward coming in. The three years of me crying and wishing for the moment of when I'd see him again, didn't prepare me at all to be back in his presence. His bright gold eyes, his bronze messed up hair, the white shiny skin, his whole perfection standing in front of me. My heart skips a couple beats, that the machine doesn't fail in alert me and everyone else in the room (not that they needed it). I'm a bit ashamed of my reaction, but I try to keep it all in together.
I really try. I try hard. But he's in front of me. Three whole years, I've been waiting three years to see him again. I can't hold back my tears as his name leave my lips.
"Edward." I whisper, and he rushes to my side and hold my hand in half a second. I'm a bit startled by it, after getting unused to their vampire speed, but then it feels oddly normal. I'm holding Edward's hand. My Edward. He's here. I'll be alright.
I barely notice Rosalie leaving the room, before my attention comes all back to Edward, as he stands by my side holding my hand. My Edward. I'm crying. I have tears going down my cheeks, and I am trying not to sob. He hasn't even said a single word, and I already know I can't let him go anymore. Never again. I feel his cold fingers brushing my tears away, and I see in his face that he would also be crying if he could. We don't say anything for almost an hour. We cry, and we hold hands, and we stare at each other. I'm getting my breath under control and putting my thoughts back in order, when he decides to say something to me for the first time since he walked out on me years ago.
"I'm so sorry my Bella. I'm so sorry." He kisses my forehead and just touches it with his own forehead, staying in that position for a bit. "I'm so sorry for everything. For leaving you, for making you go thru pain, for… for your baby. I'm so sorry." He says again.
My baby. I haven't actually given it a thought at all. I'm sure I'm still just in shock with the whole situation. My baby. A baby? I never though I'd have a baby. I didn't even know I was having one until I lost it. I don't know how to feel about it. Ok, baby aside, Edward. I need to focus on Edward.
"I get it. I understand." I try saying, my voice still shaky. "It took me a couple years, a lot of pain, a lot of loathing, to finally understand it." I am able to put out of my chest. I need him to understand that I don't hate him at all. "You loved me. You loved me more than I could even imagine possible. That's why you left me. I get it. You needed me to be human, cause I needed to know what having a life felt like, I needed to live. And you loved me enough to know I wouldn't be able to be normal with you in my life. To protect me. You were wrong, of course, but I understand. It took many months of therapy to finally realize that. You thought it was the right thing to do. You gave me a change of college, human experiences, rights and wrongs. You taught me what real love feels like, and what real lost feels like. I get it. I'm not mad at you. You shouldn't have done that to me without consulting me, but I get it. I finally get it." I try to make sense of my words, as I'm just trying to explain to him how I felt. "I'm done with it though. I don't want to be human, to have human experiences, to have a life without you in it. You did what you felt like it was the right thing to do, now I'm doing what I think it's the right thing for me to do. I'm never letting you leave again. Ever." I say, crying more.
"Bella…" That's all I hear from him, before he pushed his lips against mine. And I knew I was home. I was okay. I was alright. Yes, today. I'm okay. We are okay. We will be fine. We still had a lot to go thru, and to talk about, and to discuss, but I'd never live without him again. Ever. I give in to the kiss and the monitors go insane again. Fuck them.