Full Moon – Chapter 2
Edward didn't leave my bed side for the whole day I had to stay in the hospital. We talked about school, family, what we did for the past 3 years, how much he regretted his decision but how proud he was of me for going for it and trying all human experiences possible. He was excited to learn that I did get what he wanted from me, by leaving, and that I went and did all I could with it. We talked about the baby. And the baby dad. I finally cried over the fact I could have a baby growing in me, that I lost, and he held me close while I sobbed. I explained to him all my random very awkward one-night stands in college, and he listened to all of it without blinking, and we both got a good laugh over my awkwardness.
Rosalie, or Dr. Hale, stopped by at night before the end of her shift to check on me and how I was feeling, and I couldn't be feeling any better. She promised me I'd be seeing Alice really soon too, as the little pixie couldn't wait to see me again, and that made me super happy. Carlisle stopped by a couple hours after his shift started. My heart skipped another beat when I saw him, and I just wanted to get up and give him a hug, but I couldn't. So, he made sure to embrace my shoulders while I was still in bed, and tell me everything that was happening in the house now that everyone knew I was here. He made Alice promise she wouldn't bother me in the hospital, but that I should be aware that she was going to stop by my college dorm first thing tomorrow once I'm back home. I asked him to send Esme with her, and he promised me he would.
When visitation hours came to an end, Edward didn't leave, and no one tried to get him out. I could tell there was Carlisle's finger in that, and I was just very grateful to finally being able to fall asleep in his arms once again. Edward kept telling me about his world adventure to find Victoria and kill her, and how he was able to do that last summer, finally. I fell asleep with hand slowly touching my face, and his voice humming my lullaby. I've never been happier.
Edward made sure to drive me home in the morning. He even tried convincing me that he should carry me up the stairs, but I made sure to let him know I felt absolutely fine, and that Rosalie said it was ok for me to go back to normal light activities. Once we stepped into my dorm room I was surprised by both Alice and Esme waiting for me inside. My heart almost stopped.
"BELLA!" Alice screamed jumping at me and hugging me, a bit too tight but not enough to bother me. "I can't believe it's you! I'm so sorry I didn't fight this dumbass enough! But trust me, I never forgot about you and I fought him every single day about this stupid decision. We all did." She said in a rush. I was so excited to see her, I barely could comprehend her words. "I'm starting school here too; I am not leaving your side ever again. If I have to take English Lit for that, I'll do it." She leaves my arms, and I can focus on the other person in the room.
Esme looked even more like an angel that I remembered. Her perfectly heart shaped face, sweet eyes and bright smile just made my heart melt, just as any mom's sweet smile would. I started crying even before hugging her, and I just ran into her arms.
"It's all okay my baby, we are home, we are all here, you're home. I'm so sorry." She said, leaving kissing on my head. I sobbed. "It's okay, cry it all out." She hugged me even stronger.
Although I had missed Edward the most, and Alice with a close second, Esme was the closest thing to a mom I had in Forks. She always took care of me, and I knew I'd always have her. When she left, and never said a word to me again, I felt like I had just lost my second mother, and it hurt me more than I could ever describe. My heart felt whole again, while hugging her and crying. I could hear her telling Edward and Alice to go grab me some food for lunch and some new stuff for my room, but I didn't try to fight her. I needed some alone time with Esme, and she knew it. Moms always know.
"Alright, now let's have a talk, shall we?" She said, once I started sobbing on her chest. I agreed with my head and we moved to sit on my bed. "Tell me, what's going on inside that pretty little head of yours."
"Everything. Everything at once. I'm so happy, I'm so happy you are here, I'm so happy HE is here. You all are here. I just, I'm scared. You've left before. You all did. Although I understand why Edward felt in the need of going, and I did take my time to do all the human things I should be doing, and I'm glad for it, it hurt. It hurt so much Esme. You have no idea how much it hurt. It took me months to be able to leave my room and eat without Charlie almost having to carry me. I felt so lost, so drained of energy, so destroyed. And I needed you. I needed all of you. Losing him was already a lot to deal with, losing all of you almost killed me." I explained, crying while holding her hand. "I ended up getting close to Jake and having someone to lean on and help me get better, I was able to finally see and understand why he said all those awful things to me, and comprehend why he felt in the need to lie to me, but it took years. What he said to me, it cut me deep. I don't know if I'll ever get over hearing him saying he didn't want me anymore, but I just need to, cause not getting over, being mad, pushing him away, is not an option. I can't live without you guys. I tried. I did. And it sucks. I don't want to do it anymore." I burst out basically in a crying sobbing mess.
"I'm so sorry baby, if I knew how bad it was, I would have returned so fast. I wanted to, I tried so many times, but I didn't want you to not get a chance on a happy human life. Everyone deserves that."
"Yes, and I get it, and deep down I'm very grateful to have the chance to try it out. I was really young back then; I was making decisions based on a first love. I was so in love with the idea of love, I was ready to give up everything I hadn't had a chance to try yet. But I'm done with it. I did so much, I fucked up, I made good and bad choices, I lived as much as I could in 3 years, and none of it actually mattered, because you guys weren't there." I'm controlling my tears now, and trying to make a point. "I needed this to realize that I don't want it. It was important for me to get proof that I don't care about human life at all, I don't care about being normal. I care about you guys; I care about not losing my family. And now Edward can't try to say otherwise. There's nothing that the normal human life can provide me, that I'll want without you guys."
"Are you sure Bella?" She asks, holding my hand a bit more firmly. "I know you might not want to talk about it, but you just lost a baby. I get that you didn't know you were expecting one, but I also understand, better than most, that it leaves a scar on you forever, and you don't seem to be dealing with that yet." She said, very bluntly.
"How am I supposed to deal with it though? I had a handful of one-night stands, always took my pills perfectly on time, wouldn't even know how to tell you who the dad was, as bad as that might sound, didn't know I was pregnant until I lost the baby. I didn't have time to consider the idea of wanting or not a child, wanting or not to be a mom. I didn't even consider that idea at all these years, because I always planned on finding you guys, and I'm not having a kid that isn't Edward's. It wasn't on my plans; it was not something I considered possible. I don't know how to deal with it." I say, very confused.
"You talk about it. That's how you deal with it. Bella, no one can tell you how to deal with that. If you don't want to talk about it and you think you're fully over it, that's fine. But I see you are not; I feel like you're not. We are not going anywhere, I doubt Edward will be anywhere further than 3 miles away from you ever again, but none of us can tell you how to cope with it. None of us can tell you what to choose. You have time to mourn the loss of your baby, if you think you need to do it. You have time to decide if you want to be a mom or not. Edward will not leave you, if you decide you need that in your life. None of us will. You need to give yourself time."
"But if I don't want time?" I ask, worried.
"Why wouldn't you want time?"
"Because time will put distance between Edward and I, and I don't want that. I don't want to be 10 years older than him forever. I don't want to give him time to get over me."
"Bella, honey, Edward will never get over you. Ever. You're the one for him, as I believe he's your one. No matter the age difference there, no matter the appearance. You guys are connected forever. About that you don't need to worry." I try to accept her words and believe in it, and I take a few minutes to think about what I have been keeping hiding inside of me since the moment Rosalie told me what had happened. I realize I haven't been honest with me at all, and I realize Edward and I will have to have a big and important discussion after all of this is done.
"Thank you, Esme. I love you." I say hugging her again.
"I love you too Bella, now let's call those two back, because we know they are dying to be by your side again." She laughs grabbing her phone, seconds before it rings in her hands. "Alice." We say together and laugh, as she answers the phone. "Yes, Alice, you can come back. No, I'm not telling you what we talked about. Yes, Edward can come back too. Alright, I'll see you in a bit."
"I should take a shower." I say, realizing I'm still in the clothes I went to the hospital with, and that my face is all dirty and puffy from crying.
"You do that, I'll go thru whatever Alice was able to get in this past hour and decide what you don't have to deal with right now." She says, and we both laugh as I agree with her. "Oh, and Bella, I'm happy that you gave life a try. I'm glad it wasn't all in vain."
"Me too Esme, me too." I answer her, going to my bathroom. This day had just started and I was already damn tired. I wonder what is up next.
Alice. That's what was up next. I didn't have much time to talk to her before jumping into Esme's arms and crying my life out, so Alice was just waiting for me in my room when I left the bathroom. Her and enough bags to cover half of my floor. How the hell did she grab all of that in half an hour?
"We started yesterday, Jasper and Emmett helped me. Edward did his part too. They just dropped it all off a couple minutes ago while you were dressing up." She answered me before I even questioned it. How I missed my Polly Pocket.
"And, where are they?" I asked, drying my hair in a towel, trying to play it cool as if I didn't feel like jumping and hugging her again.
"We thought you had enough emotions for the day without having to deal with Emmett's jokes. Edward knows we need our girl time, although I'm sure he's not too far away. Esme went home to work on something she has been dying to do, but she will return to see you soon. And Jasper… He just isn't sure you'll want to see him again after last time, I guess. I've told him it's ok, and that you don't hate him, but he doesn't want to impose." She answered, with a shoulder raise as if saying 'What can I do?'. I think about what she said for a few minutes, and I get what she means about Emmett. I still have a bit to think about, on what just happened to me, on what I went thru, on what they've been doing for the past few years, and Emmett joking about my one-night stands, to piss off Edward, wasn't on that list. But not Jasper. I wasn't mad at him at all.
"Can I borrow your phone? I understand he might not want to see me right now, but I want to say something to him." I ask her, and she gives me the phone super excitedly. Jasper's contact info was already pulled out on the screen and I just hit the call button. It only rings once before he answers. "Hi Jasper, it's Bella." I say, a bit nervous.
"Hello Bella." He says, not knowing what to say. Ok, I need to take charge of this conversation here.
"I'm sorry for calling without a warning, I just needed to tell you that I don't hate you at all. I'm also not scared of you. And I miss you, just as much as I miss Emmett that I haven't seen yet. I missed you all very much, and I get you might not understand that, but I don't blame you at all for what happened on my 18th birthday. I just needed to let you know that." I burst out, biting the inside of my mouth when I finish, waiting on his answer.
"Bella, I'm very sorry about all of it. If it wasn't for me, Edward wouldn't have left." He says, and I cut him.
"We both know that's a lie. Edward would never let me make my own choices without pushing me away and letting me live life by myself for a bit. He would always be asking the 'what ifs' in his mind. We know this had to happen, for him to trust me when I say I know what I want for my life, so you don't need to apologize. Whatever happened is in the past, and I just needed you to know that."
"I appreciate that Bella, and… I've missed you too. On the Edward subject, you are probably right, he's as stubborn as they can get." I can hear the laugh in his voice and that makes me happier. He doesn't hate me. "But I still feel like I pushed him into doing that when neither of you were ready for it, and for that I'm deeply sorry."
"You are 100% forgiven, now you and Emmett get over here. I miss you guys and I need help with organizing all this shit you guys bought, that I don't even know what it is." I say looking around my room at the hundreds of bags.
"You sure of that?" He asks one more time.
"Yeah, just… Tell Emmett to behave ok? I miss him so much, and I really want him around, but I'm still not ready to deal with a couple things that happened, and I think he will listen to you better than me." I ask him, and he agrees, before saying bye and turning off the phone. I return it to Alice, that has the biggest smile in her face, and sit on my bed staring at the bags. "What the hell is all of this, Alice?"
"Oh well, Esme and I stopped by yesterday, to check your housing conditions, and we noticed your dorm room was looking kinda bare. I know you feel like you have the essentials and that you have been living with this for two years, but you know us, nothing but the best for you. So, I looked into your housing rules, I realized you are allowed to get visitors that are registered on the main office. Of course, we went ahead and did that. If you are going to be getting visitors, you need some things around to make it comfortable for everyone, so we grabbed it all." She said, with another shoulder raise. Oh Alice, I missed you but not this part of you.
"You know, I could have grabbed it all by myself. I do have a job." I try to fight her, knowing it's impossible to go against the pixie.
"You had enough in your mind, and we had a whole day off."
"I'm not gonna fight you in that, cause I'm still kinda tired. But please, don't do these things without warning me before, it's very unsettling." I asked her, reaching for the fist bag closer to me and opening. I close it faster than anyone would assume possible for a human, and I blush realizing what was inside.
"Oh, that one, that is a gift from me and Rose. We can have a whole discussion on it, and we can teach you all about it, but later, when the boys aren't around. We can storage that in your closet for now." She winks at me, grabbing the bag from my hands and hiding it in my closet. She also grabs a few more bags with the same logo on, and storage them all together. How many of those things did they buy? "Here open this one." She passes me one of the giant bags that are closer to my door. Its extremely light and soft, and I realize what it is before taking it out of the bag.
"Alice, I have blankets." I fight her, while taking out the very warm purple blanket from the bag.
"I know. But neither of them is thick and warm enough to shield you from our cold skin during winter, so you needed a new one." She said, while passing me another giant fluffy bag. "This isn't another blanket, I promise." I open the bag.
"Ok, so why do I need cushions? I don't have a couch, or space for a couch." I take the giant royal blue cushion from the bag and stare at it.
"No, you don't, and I'm sure Edward will, at some point, try to get you into a bigger place than here, but until then you need comfy seating places for movie night, so a new rug and cushions it is." She points out to a rug that is rolled up and pushed against one of my walls, that I hadn't seen yet. "Most of the big bags are just nice cushions, so you don't need to get mad at me for them. The real presents are the smallest bags." She says, pointing out to a few packages in the corner, with the Best Buy logo in it. "We would have gotten them somewhere else, but this was the closest store."
"Alice, what did you get from Best Buy?" I ask, kinda scared of the answer.
"Me? Nothing. Jasper and Emmett were the ones having fun there, so I guess we can wait till they arrive to tell you. Speaking of that, they will be here soon." She says checking outside my window, and before I can ask about the other Cullen brother she's already answering to my thoughts. "Edward will come in later, he needed to do something first." Before I can ask her what the hell he was up to, I hear a strong knock on my door, and I move towards it to open it.
My dorm room was way bigger than most you see in college magazines and websites. It almost looked like a flat, with my own small kitchen corner, a bathroom, a desk with my laptop on it, a bed in the corner, and a lot of open walking space in the middle, where I usually did my morning yoga. The room that usually looked so big, now appeared to be way smaller, with the two tall vampires walking into it.
Emmett came in first, with his characteristic giant smile and dimples on his face, and approaching me quickly for a bear hug. Although I was sure he controlled his strength more than usual for that hug, I still felt like a 6'5'' brick wall had crashed into me, and breathing was kinda hard. He let me go when he realized that.
"Bellitta! I missed you little sis." He said, still kinda holding me against his chest, but not crushing me anymore. "I knew we would find you again in a freaking hospital, you never seem to be able to keep away from those." He joked, and I smiled. He wasn't wrong. "OMG you haven't opened your gifts yet? You need to get those." He sees the bags he brought in when I was showering, and let me go to go towards them.
"Nice to see you too Emmett." I joke, as I turn my back at him to look at Jasper. The blonde vampire wasn't as built or tall as Emmett, but still almost as tall as my door frame, and imposed much more of an authority and strength look, than his wardrobe brother. Jasper. I smile at him and he starts approaching me slowly, with a nice grin on his face, but still being very careful around me.
"Oh, for fucks sakes, just hug her. You know you won't hurt her." Alice says, pushing him closer to me. I laugh and approach him a bit faster, and he agrees with his head before I wrap my arms around him. I had never hugged Jasper before. It wasn't much different than hugging Carlisle though, and it was weirdly comfortable too. I hear Jasper trying to hide a chuckle, and I get confused on why.
"Only you Bella, to hug a vampire that last time you saw tried to kill you, and feel very comfortable doing so." He laughs now, making a joke out of me. Oh, mood control thing, forgot about that. Damn you Jasper. "It's nice to see you too." He winks, and I smile and hug him again, before letting go.
"Alright, mushy moment over, you need to see this!" Emmett says, pushing a PS4 Pro out of a bag. Oh no, what did they do?