Full Moon – Chapter 5
I didn't know what to expect from Alice and Rosalie stopping by my dorm room, but I definitely should have guessed that it would involve a full hair and nails treatment. When Alice mentioned earlier, that Jasper and Emmett wouldn't want to sit through nail painting and hair braiding, without complaining, I thought she was just joking. Clearly, Alice Cullen doesn't joke about makeovers.
For the past hour I've had Rosalie hydrate my hair, cut and style it, and Alice giving me a full manicure and pedicure, all of it, of course, accompanied by a lot of girl talk.
"I can't believe you don't have a single picture with any of the guys you've slept with. That's just outrageous. We need to work on your camera shyness." Said Alice, still mad at me for not having pictures of the guys to show her. Of course, I could have pulled up their Facebook pages and shown her, but I didn't feel like it. I was, after all, trying to delete that part of my life, and start a new one.
"They weren't a third as hot as Edward or your family in general, so you aren't missing much." I tell her, as Rosalie is now giving me a scalp massage, that according to her made the hair grow faster and healthier. It felt great, so why not.
"They are humans, Bella. That's not a fair comparison." Said Rosalie.
"I don't know Rose, I'm pretty sure you were hotter than every single woman in this college, even before becoming a vampire." I answer her, with a very strong point.
"Yes, I was, but not half from what I am now, so it's still not a fair comparison." She lets go of my hair, and move towards one of the bags her and Alice brought with them, that was placed on top of my bed, side by side with the other ones Alice had hidden in my closet earlier today. Rosalie brings something that looked like an oily cream, and starts pouring it in her hands, before putting it away and rubbing her hands together. I expect her to put it in my hair, but she surprises me pressing her cold fingers on my face. "It's just a moisturizer. Your skin looks a bit dry, and I wouldn't trust your hormones right now to help you in any form for that department." She says, as she notices I'm confused.
"What's wrong with my hormones?" I ask her, even more confused now.
"Well…" I know she's trying to find the best words to say the next sentence, without hurting my feelings, and I can see in her face when she gives up walking on egg shells. "Your whole body was getting fully prepared to grow and nurture a child. During pregnancy there's a lot of hormonal changes that your body goes through, and right now your body is trying to bring it all back to what it was before. So, basically, you'll be a hormonal mess for a while, but you'll be fine."
"I guess I hadn't thought about that at all." I answer her, still trying to process her words.
"Have you given any thoughts to what happened?" Rose was now sitting by my side looking at my face.
"A little bit. I talked to Edward and Esme about it. I just don't know how to feel about the whole thing, to be honest." I speak.
"If you ever feel in the need to talk more about it, I'm right here." She says, and Alice looks at her with penetrating eyes. "We are." She corrects herself.
"One day, I guess. These days have been so jammed packed. I can't believe it has only been 3 days since you guys have been back, it feels like a life time."
"You'll get used to vampire speed soon enough, and it won't seem that weird for you anymore. If that's what you want, of course." Said Alice, giving the final touches on my toe nails, now painted a nice clear color.
"I'm not going anywhere, and neither are any of you, so yes, that's what I want, and I will get used to it again. I think my brain is just taking it's time this time, making sure I'm more stable to deal with everything." I explain to her. "I know what I want, I've known for the past 3 years. I'm just trying to organize myself around the choices I'll make. I really don't want to go around making life decisions without really analyzing all of it, you know?" I say, and they agree with their heads before continuing to work around my body.
I take the free time I have, while the two of them are focused and clearing talking about something else on the side in a really low voice that I can't comprehend, to think about the next decisions I'd be making in my life.
I need to visit Charlie. And Renee. I know they are fine, with me here far away from them, in college, living my life, but I just want to see them one less time before choosing not to be a part of their lives anymore. I gotta visit Jacob, and tell him everything that has happened these last few days. With the Cullens back, and me about to join their family style, I'm sure the wolves will have plenty to say about it. Not that anyone's opinion on my choice would make any difference, but Jake wouldn't be too happy with me, and I owed him a face-to-face explanation and goodbye.
I need to figure out when and how I'll leave my human life behind. Should I finish college first? I only have a couple more years to go, but that's a couple more years I didn't want to grow older. And I'll have enough life times to get other college degrees too, so there's no reason why to continue this. I've had a human college experience; I'll actually get a diploma later on when I feel like it. What about my job? I definitely don't want to live under the Cullen's trust funds, although I know that's exactly what Edward will offer. I wonder if I can save up for a while, before the change, and then I don't need to worry about it at all. After all, I won't actually need that much money after I've changed. I won't need to buy food. I'm pretty sure the Cullens will want me to stay with them so they can keep me in check at all times, so I won't need to worry about rent or bills.
My newly furnished and reformed single college dorm, I'd have to say goodbye to it. Not that I would hate living with Edward, Alice and all of them, but I've grown very attached to the freedom of having my own little place, that I worked really hard to get, and I really don't want to give up on that. Privacy isn't a concept that the Cullens know well, or can work around easily, and I really value mine. Specially now with Edward back. Also, Edward being back. I trust him, I trust Alice and all the Cullens, I know deep down that they won't abandon me again, but I'm still worried. I'm worried that, if Edward changes his mind about me again, I won't be able to come back from it, if I just dive face first into the relationship again, with no restrain. Once I'm not human, and my blood doesn't call to him as it does now. Once I'm not warm, fragile and easily manipulated, would Edward still want me? And if he does, what does that makes us? Are we dating? Once I'm a vampire, like him, does that make our relationship also eternal? What if we break up?
So, no changing yet. I could wait for a few months. Finish this college year, save some money, learn who I am around Edward and the Cullens, as an adult with her own life. Enjoy my privacy, say my goodbyes to my family and friends. I can do this. I'm sure Edward will be more than happy to help me survive another year as a human. I could get to know my new family better. Edward and I will have time to discuss our relationship, what will happen to us - IF – we break up one day. And we also would have time to discover who we are now, together, in this new phase of your relationship.
"Whatever you just decided there, is the best outcome I have seen for you." Said Alice, taking me away from my thoughts. Confusing me a bit. "I keep seeing hundreds of different possible life paths you could go thru, based on whatever you've been trying to organize your brain there, and that last one is very bright and solidified, and it's also the one where you look the happiest, from all of them. Seems like the correct choice." She clarified.
"I was just trying to figure out the best timeline for my future plans, I guess." I explained to her, although I knew she didn't need me to do so. It was also to help situating Rose on the subject. "I know what I want, and I know I'm not giving up on that. The when, how, and what I'll need to do to get there, is where I keep trying to understand the best way to deal with."
"And what did you just decide, that Alice sees as the best way?" Asked Rosalie, finally letting go of my face and hair and just staring at me.
"I'm giving myself time. That's what I decided. Not a lot of time, that will make me grow older and put me under more possible danger, and stop me from getting what I want, but enough to organize my life and thoughts. Maybe a year, or even 18 months. Time enough for Edward and I to solidify our new relationship, figure out who we are together and apart, time for me to enjoy my parents, my friends, and to put my life in order." I explain to them.
"But not time enough to understand the weight of your choices." Said Rosalie, her voice the harsher it has been since I first saw her 3 days ago in the hospital. "I understand you're an adult, you have your own free will to choose whatever you want to choose for your future. I understand not everyone want what I'd want in their place, and I do get it that you have given this a lot of thought in the past few years. But I don't think you have given a deep look to all of the outcomes, Bella. I don't think you've been thinking as clearly as you think so." For the first time, since they have been back, I see a glimpse of the same Rosalie that didn't like me at all, back in Forks. And that scares me.
"What Rosalie means, Bella, is that you clearly comprehend the things you will lose now, by making this choice. I can see that you have made peace with most things, including never seeing your parents and friends again, accepting moving around as many times as needed, and giving up all human parts of yourself. But you are still young. There are other things in life that you would want later on, that you will be missing out." Alice chimes in, noticing my discomfort around Rose for a second, and explaining it better.
"Baby thing aside, although that is the biggest part for us, you'll never grow old. You'll never experience reaching life goals as getting job promotions, celebrating you 50th anniversary with your family and friends, retiring, having a retirement plan. I know these things might seem insignificant with all you will get out of being immortal, but you don't know how much those things really mean in life. Achieving life goals, is what keeps the world moving. And achieving life goals means nothing when you're immortal. There are things, around this decision, that you still don't comprehend, and Rose just wants to make sure you understand that."
"I'm pretty sure you won't miss out on the chance to celebrate each one of my birthdays, Alice, let alone the 50th one." I point out, trying to get their heads away from the subject, but I know it won't work. I take a deep breath before continuing. "I get that. Maybe not as deep as you want me to, but I get the basics. I have life goals I want to achieve, and I do plan on getting them, but they are all things I can do in this next year as a human, or whenever as one of you guys."
"As long as you give yourself some time to weight in on the options, and just really analyze it. That's all I want you to do." Said Rosalie. I could see she wasn't too happy with my choices, but she understood it was the best compromise I'd get to right now.
"All right, we are done with the serious talk for the day, I have more fun subjects to discuss today." Alice says, getting up and going towards my closet. I prepare myself mentally for the clothes she will be dressing me up on, but instead she grabs the bags that were hidden inside of my closet for the whole day. Oh, this is gonna be worse than the dressing up. "Don't even start freaking out, I'm not gonna give you a demonstration on things." She laughs when she sees my face. "And I'm not about to give you a sex talk either, although we Cullens don't follow most rules of privacy, I'm not gonna sit here and tell you things you should or shouldn't do with your body or my brother, although I'm all in for tips if you need." She also clarifies, making me a bit more comfortable. "But there is a reason for all of this." She dumps all things that are in the bag on my bed, and its way more than I thought it was. "Rosalie and I had a little discussion yesterday about what you just went through. I'm sorry I was prying, and she didn't give me any of the medical information that she can't, but I was worried about some possible future things, and we had a healthy conversation about ways we could provide you help on it. That's what this is about." She tries to explain.
"So, what you are saying, is that you saw me miserable in the future cause I'm not having sex, and decided to give me a way to feel better about it?" I ask, trying to see if I understood her correctly.
"Yes, and no." Rosalie was the one to answer, making me even more confused. "Alice and I, as all of us to be honest, are just worried about how you are going to be dealing with all the things changing in your life right now, and all the things that happened in the past few days that you are just pilling up waiting to be dealt with. Psychologically speaking, there are a lot of things that can happen once a woman has a spontaneous abortion, even if you didn't know and wasn't expecting to be pregnant. Physically speaking, it's more than just your hormones that had to adapt and will have to adapt again. Your body, in general, is under a lot of stress, and Alice and I thought we could offer you some ways to get over that." She smiles at that, winking at me, and Alice laughs, oh how I missed her laugh. "Also, as your doctor, I might say that orgasms are one of the best ways to get a healthy body and mind. It helps clearing your skin, it helps with stabilizing hormones, lowering the stress, giving you better nights of sleep, and it also helps with your confidence and self-esteem. It's a win-win in every aspect." She says it smiling even more, nothing the blush on my face that felt permanent by now.
"But we didn't know what you would like the most and prefer using, and I didn't think you'd feel comfortable with me taking a peek in the future to figure out, so we got you at least one of each thing we could find." Said Alice showing me the haul of toys they bought. "Rose and I have a couple different ones, that are sturdy enough and strong enough to show any results for us, but since your body isn't marble-like like ours, we didn't know what to go for you."
"You know, I could have gone and bought them by myself." I said, trying to get back on tracks on what they were saying, and getting over my shyness.
"I doubt you would, it can be mortifying going inside those stores for the first time, and you know how much we love shopping, you wouldn't want to deprive Alice from shopping." Said Rose, going through the boxes of toys. She grabs one that is long and shows on the cover something that resembles a massager I've seen people use on their back and legs. "These are usually a favorite. It's a body wand, it's an adaptation of those very strong massagers physiotherapists use. It has a lot of different speed and vibration patterns, and honestly, most people that own one of these don't use others. But I've read about people that think they are too aggressive for their taste, so it depends on what you like, I guess." She puts the box down, and picks up a way smaller one. "This is a bullet vibrator. Every woman in the planet should own one of these, honestly. Personally, I'd recommend trying one of these first, and if they aren't exactly what you'd want, then move up on the chain." She grabs the next one, and I blush again at the image in front of me. "I guess you know what this is, dildos are interesting till a certain point, but not usually a favorite, yet some people really enjoy it, so we got you a few different ones, in different materials and sizes."
"There are so many more interesting things here, I told Rose those aren't really it, but she insisted in getting a few." Mentioned Alice, going through more boxes. I had to agree with her on that, without any experience with the toys, I could already tell other things would be more interesting that penis shaped silicone. "This one is very fun, it's a suction toy, I read amazing reviews on it. I still haven't found one strong enough that would work for me, but it is interesting enough." She said showing me something that looked like a shower head, and it intrigued me. "Anyway, I'm sure you can go through all of them and figure them out. We just wanted to give you options of ways to take care of yourself, for your health, of course." She smiled at me and winked. "It would be easier if Edward wasn't such a bore, but till he understands that he can't hurt you, you can still have your fun." I'm blushing even harder with the mention of Edward. It's her brother, for fucks sake, why did she have to bring up sex with her brother? "Oh, you'll get used to the lack of privacy. At least Edward can't read your mind when you are going through those, trust me, you don't want that."
"I think my sense of privacy is already fucked up enough after having the two of you give me a class on sex toys and orgasms. I'm very glad Edward can't read my mind, as all of this will be roaming around in it for a while."
"Edward is really respectful when sex is the subject. We all know he can hear both the audible and the mental noises going on whenever any of us are having sex, or anything on that realm, and he never would use any of it against us or make any comments on it at all. Emmett is the one you have to worry about for that." Said Rosalie smiling at me. "This?" She points at all toys on my bed "He would have material to make you blush for a century if he saw this. I love him to pieces, but he can be a giant child sometimes."
"Esme is not much better either, I'll tell you this. Don't let her calm and collected side trick you, she gave all of us the sex talk, knowing we didn't need at all, just to see our faces and reactions." Alice said laughing. "Warning, you might be the next one."
"I don't think I need it, thank you very much. Both Renee and Charlie beat her to it, and it was mortifying enough." I said wincing, those are dark memories indeed.
"She won't give you a choice, trust me. Anyway, we just wanted to give you a preview of what waits for you, and let you know that if you have any questions or doubts, we are both here for you. Either on the sex subject, on the toys subject, or anything health related." Said Rosalie starting to pack back the toys. I stop her with my hand and I put aside the bullet they showed me, and a couple others that were interesting, blushing a little bit. "You want to keep those in a different place? Alice organized your bedside drawers, there's space on the last one for them. I put a little silk bag there for you to keep them. There's also a stack of batteries you might need." She mentions surprising me for a bit, before I realized who I was talking to, and remembering that the Cullens are always prepared for any decisions people make around them. "I recommend washing them really well before and after using with water and soap, and keep them dry and in a chill place. Never leave the batteries inside them, and make sure not to make a big deal of the drawer or the package itself, or it will only make people curious about it."
"I'm just mortified to go around that bag later, that's why I'm separating these." I mention, making them laugh.
"You'll have time to warm up to them, don't worry. As we said, we just wanted to give you options on how to make yourself healthier, and also to just enjoy yourself a bit. I recall you not having the best self-esteem out there, and this is a good way to start building that up." Said Alice. "Now let's put this all away because we still need to choose what you are wearing and we don't have much time." And in a blur, all my things are put away and Alice is back checking my face and hair.
"Wearing for what? I am very comfortable in leggings and t-shirt, thank you very much."
"It's a surprise. Now get up, I have dresses for you to try on, and we don't have much time at all." She's excited, making me even more worried. "You'll love it! I promise."
"I don't like surprises, Alice." I roll my eyes at her; she should know that.
"She knows. She doesn't care though, neither does Edward. In my opinion, I think it's really disrespectful, but they haven't listened to me in decades, so I don't even try anymore." Rosalie shrugs. "Now, you two go figure out clothes, I have some things to do before my shift at the hospital, and I miss my Monkey Man." She gets up picking up all the stuff they used to work on my hair, face and nails. She gives me a short and sweet hug, and soon she's out of my dorm room.
It takes Alice 15 minutes to figure out what she wants me to put on, and since I really missed her, I don't fight on it. She makes me take a long warm shower, being careful not to mess with anything her and Rose worked on all day, and then she leaves me to get dressed. I'm wearing a mid-leg length, turtle neck and long sleeves velvet dress, in a deep green color, that was definitely new in my wardrobe. The skirt was very wavy, the top part hugged my waves really well, making my newly improved boobs look even better than I could imagine. I look at myself on the bathroom mirror and just appreciate it for a minute. My hair is down, looking healthy, wavy, and shiny. My nails look amazing, my skin is glowing, and although I don't have much makeup on other than a lip-gloss and some mascara, I feel pretty. Confused on why I'm all dressed up and ready for a party when I'm in house arrest for another day, but pretty. I open the door of the bathroom to thank Alice and question her on why she's playing doll with me, but she's not there. To my surprise I'm met with a wall of Emmett, covering my vision of the room.
"You, back in there, you are not allowed out until we knock on the door. Alice's orders." He said, turning me and pointing to inside the bathroom again. I try to fight him but there's no fighting against Emmett. "Five minutes max, just sit over there and wait, promise you won't be mad about it." He says, pointing to the toilet. I try to argue with him that I'm not gonna sit on a toilet while there are vampires out in my room, but I do not want to have that discussion with Emmett. He walks backwards getting ready to leave the bathroom and he smiles at me, before saying: "You look really hot Bella, he's gonna love it." And he closes the door, leaving me even more confused.
I want to get up and reach for the door, but I hear a very clear "Not yet, Bella" said by Jasper from the other side, making me even more confused. I finally decide on sitting on the toilet cover until I can't hear any more noises going on in my room, and just wait. A few minutes later I can't hear anything else going on in the room, and I get up to go open the door, and before I can reach it, I hear clear knock on it. I can hear my heart going crazy, anxious to know what the fuck is going on.
I finally reach for the door and open it, and on the other side I see Edward. He's wearing really nice black slacks, a green button-down shirt, and he has a bouquet of flowers in his hands, of all colors and types, that is so big I don't know if I can have my arms around. I look at him with quizzing eyes, and he smiles.
"Isabella Swan, would you give me the pleasure of taking you on a date?" He asks, offering me one of his hands, I take it without thinking twice.
"I don't think I am allowed to go out yet." I say once I can feel his cold hand on mine, calming me down. "And I don't even have shoes on." It's the next thing that comes to my head. He laughs and moves aside, letting me see the rest of my room that was covered by his body and flowers.
"I don't think you are gonna need those."