Author's Note:

Hi everyone!

I know, long time no see (well, if you ignore that I posted a chapter yesterday after 10 months break)!

I just wanted to say thank you to all of you that stood by and waiting for me to return, and that I do really appreciate you all 3

Also, since I took a long break between when I first started this story and continuing it, I might have changed the gears on it a little bit, and just changed my mind about one or other thing I might have written before, so I'm sorry if a couple things seem misplaced. I'm doing my best to transition those ideas in a seamless way, but in all honesty, I wrote these two chapters in less than 2 hours, so I didn't stop to think much.

A lot has happened to me this year, and it put some things in perspective, so when I decided to write for this story again, I decided that some things needed to happen so we can move on with the plot. In this chapter you will see some of those things happening, probably before than we were expecting, just so we can get to the main part of the story. I'm sorry if you feel like it was rushed or just out of the bloom, I tried my best for it not to be though.

Also, I don't know when I'm posting again. Hopefully soon as I'm taking a mental health break from life. If you don't see me for a while, I'm sorry. I promise the juicy things are coming, and I'm not gonna edge you guys for long 😉

Thank you!

-B

PS: This entire story hasn't been beta read, at all, or corrected in any way. I'm sorry for all the mistakes, I just don't have the time to read back and correct it. Love yous!

Full Moon – Chapter 6

I couldn't believe what I was seeing; it took me a little bit more than a couple seconds and some blinking to fully grasp the image in front of me. Edward, or better, his family, had turned my room into a little garden picknick area. There were fairy lights hanging on every wall, and a little white fabric half-tent set up in the middle of the room, over the new rug they had bought me. They had covered the rug with some light blue silk-like fabric, and the whole area was filled with the new colorful cushions Alice had showed me the day before. There was a picknick basket on the center of the cozy area set up, and I could hear a very low piano playing in the background. The whole thing seemed like it had come out of a fairy tale book, and I barely could recognize my room. I could still see my belongings around, but my focus was totally on the tent and the floor, and now on Edward making circles with his thumb on my hand.

"It's okay if you are not up for it, we can have it all put down in two minutes, but I just thought you might enjoy some dinner after the long day with the girls, and I thought we could also just talk about life and have a proper date." He said trying to understand where my mind was. I look at his face and I can see he really wishes he could read my mind right now.

"I would love to go on a date with you in my room, Edward." I answer to his question, and he opens up the most beautiful smile.

"These are for you. Alice said it might be a bit much, but I couldn't hold back, I have 3 years of dates to catch up to." He said offering me the flowers. I let go of his hand to try to grab the bouquet, but it is really big and covering all of my view, and also extremely heavy. "Okay, a bit much indeed. Let me set this over here for you." He said, grabbing it back and setting on my bed, before returning to me on the bathroom door. Gosh, I'm still standing inside a bathroom. I finally walk towards him and the tent, and I try to take it in as much as I can. My room smells like flowers and something else, and I notice the candles set up around the floor, probably scented ones, making it even more special. "I need you to tell me what you are thinking Bella, I really can't read your face right now." He said, a little bit worried. I turn back to smile and him and show him I'm okay, perfect actually.

"I'm honestly just waiting to wake up. Nothing that happened this week seems real, and this just cements that in my brain. It's something out of the books I read, real people don't do things like this for others." I say, trying to explain to him how I'm feeling. "At the same time, I don't want to wake up. I feel like I'm home, finally, I feel complete, I feel happy, and if it is a dream, it's the best one I've ever had." Edward's grin becomes even bigger, and he offers me a hand, waking towards the little tent. I notice that he is also barefoot, and I let off a small chuckle, yeah, I do not need shoes. He helps me into the cushions nest, and I sit down, making sure my dress is covering me well, and that I leave him enough space under the pretty tent they set up. I look around me and I see that the fabric of the tent is very shiny, like billions of diamonds reflecting to the fairy lights, and it reminds of Edward's skin under sunlight. I wonder if that was on purpose. "This is perfect, thank you." I finally say, once he's sat in front of me, legs crossed as I was, knees almost touching mine.

"It was Esme's idea, and Jasper and Emmett's hard work, under Alice's supervision, so I can't take all the credit for it. But you are very welcome." He answers, looking at my face so deeply that it made me blush. "You are perfect. You are always gorgeous, of course, but you look amazing tonight." He says, holding both of my hands. I smile at him.

"All Alice and Rosalie, we can thank them later." I say blushing a bit more.

"All they did was accentuate your beauty, it's all you." He answered, leaving one of my hands to reach for the basket on his side. "I brought you something simple to eat, I wanted to be the one cooking for you, but I don't trust my rusty cooking abilities, if I'm being honest." He said reaching inside of it to grab sandwiches, I laugh at that, thinking how perfect this all is. "We can order something, if you don't want it." He seems worried about my reaction and I roll my eyes.

"Edward, pass me the sandwiches." I say extending my hand towards him, he looks at my face and passes me a couple of them. He made a lot. "I'll guess you didn't know what fillings to go for?" I ask, seeing that they all looked different.

"No idea." He agreed, making me laugh. Is my perfect Edward Cullen finally admitting he's not perfect and doesn't know it all? "Esme offered to help, but I just wanted to do it by myself, so she gave me some ideas. You can go for whatever you want, and don't hold back on telling me if they suck."

"Unless you put mayo on the PB&Js, or jam on the BLTs, I'm sure we are all good." I say reaching for a sandwich that resembled a BLT, I open it and check smiling. "No jam, we are safe." I joke, and he laughs. I'm mesmerized by his smile and laugh. He looks so much happier now, freer, less… uptight. Less in pain at all times. I want to know what's different for him now, I want to know how things are going to go this time, I want to know so much, but I don't know where to start. "Edward, what is all of this?" I ask, motioning between us, and the room and everything around. I need answers, I need certainties, I need something. He takes a deep breath, that he clearly doesn't need, and adjusts himself with his knees up, elbows resting on them, and his hands together in front of his body. He takes a couple seconds looking at me, and then he starts talking.

"This is what we should have been like before, I guess." He takes a short pause and then continues. "During this time that we've been apart I have thought a lot about us, our relationship back then, and how things went." He takes another useless deep breath. "I realized, and shamedly might add, only after my entire family had screamed at me for months upon months, that the relationship we had before wasn't exactly normal." I cut him was a laugh that I could hold back, and he stares at me confused.

"Edward, you're a vampire, I'm human, that's the definition of an abnormal relationship right here. You had to have realized that before." I point out, still laughing. He shakes his head, bowing it down a bit.

"That's not what I meant. If we put the vampire thing aside for a minute, and just look at it as other's would from the outside, we didn't have a normal high school relationship at all. Okay, I'll give in that I'm not a teenager, and that the age gap between us is really big, and that I'm from a very different time and I hadn't tried to date in almost a century, so I was a bit rusty, but we could have done better. I could have done better."

"Edward, I was happy, you were happy, I think that's what matters." I try, seeing that he was shaking his head a bit. I wait to see what he has to say.

"Happy and in love, yes, but that doesn't mean that it was healthy. I was very scared Bella, at all times. I was worried, and the worst of all, I was addicted to you, and you were addicted to me. I look back, and although I love every moment, I've ever had with you, till that last one that I regret, I don't see a relationship like Carlisle and Esme, or any of my siblings. I see me being a control freak, I see you being scared, I see both of us being co-dependent, I see myself as this insecure douchbag, for a lack of a better word." He smiles at that, and then go back to his serious face to continue. "And it took me a lot of thinking, a lot of growing, and a lot of introspection, to realize that it was all on me, and that I needed to change." He put his legs down and grabs my hands, putting my untouched sandwich down by our side. "I've been watching couples around me for a century. I've been reading their minds, I've been observing their behavior, I've been watching them grow together and I think part of me always thought that I knew all I needed to know for a happy, healthy, loving relationship. I was cocky, and I can admit that now. I thought I knew more than you did on the subject, although we had the same lack of experience, because in my mind I was older, and I had learned all that anyone could learn about relationships. I was wrong, in so many levels." He adjusted himself to get closer to me, and really look into my eyes. "I'm sorry, Bella. I really am. Other than being sorry for leaving, as we talked before, I'm sorry for being a bad boyfriend. And I know you didn't see it like that, and I didn't either back then, but I was. I was controlling, I was cocky, I was disrespectful. You tried, so many times, explaining to me that you knew who you were, and that you knew what you wanted, and that you were aware of your choices and consequences, and I didn't listen to you. And for that I'll always be sorry." I try to say something but I stop myself, because I realize he hasn't said all things he wants to say, and I just want to listen to him, and try to understand him.

"In these three years we've been apart, I finally stopped to actually observe the relationships around me. How Carlisle and Esme act around each other. Emmett and Rosalie, Jasper and Alice, and I saw in them something I never saw on us, companionship. I saw how much they walk together. They are equals, in all senses of the word, for everything. What makes their relationship work, is that they are both in on it, on the same level. They are vulnerable around each other, they are strong around each other, and they give space for the other to be vulnerable and strong too. And I think we tried that, I can see you did, but I was too over my head on the vampire and human thing. I didn't allow you to be strong, and I didn't allow myself to be vulnerable. After over 100 years of living, I still had a lot to learn, and I think, back then, I didn't accept that at all. You were my first love, you are my first love, you are my only love. And I knew nothing about loving someone else the way I love you." He takes another deep breath and opens a shy smile. "So, if you find in your heart to forgive me for all of this, and to accept me as my growing and learning self, I want this to be all we didn't have before, and so much more. I want to take you on dates, I want to learn about what you dream with, about what you wish for you and for us, I want to learn how you feel about college and your classes, I want to hold you when you are sad and celebrate with you when you are happy, and I want to share with you all of those things about me too. I want us to be equals, I want us to be partners. I want to have all that was promised to us, starting with dates, because we never had many of these."

I actually take a few moments to think about what he said, and analyze it all. I understand where he was coming from, and I agree with him in a lot of the things, but he wasn't the only one to blame, and he wasn't the only one that did a lot of thinking and soul searching in the past 3 years, and I think there's no better time than right now, to talk about that.

"You know, I've thought about it a lot too in the past few years. I had a lot of time to analyze what we had, and how much it affected me, and how much of it was love, versus how much was co-dependency. I love you, Edward, and I know that. I've known that since I was 17, and this is not going to change, so it is really good to hear that we are on the same page with that. But yes, there were things before, in our relationship, that can't happen again, but those things, are not only from your side." I take a deep breath, that I actually need, before continuing.

"I know I'm only 21. I get it, I'm young. I now can admit that, and I'm okay with it. I'm older than 17/18, I'm not a teenager anymore, I'm an actual adult. I go to school, I work, I have my own life that I am responsible for, and I don't depend on anyone to live, or to be happy. But I am happier by your side. I've been happier by your side since before I could take care of myself completely. Since before I could admit I was too young to know everything and comprehend all things." Another very needed deep breath. "But I am still young. I have so much to learn, so much to see, so much to experience, and that is what I was lacking on understanding before. I can see where you are coming from on the whole controlling thing, on the whole undermining me before, and not actually allowing me to show you I could deal with things, but honestly, I don't think I could have dealt with them any better, and to some extent, you were right before, on trying to make me see that."

"If you, someone 4x as old as me, can sit here in front of me and tell me you are still learning, you are still growing, I can sit here in front of you, and tell you that I am too still growing and learning. I was your first love, and you were mine. We were on the same boat with that, we made mistakes, and yes it was all very blown up to different proportions because of the unique situation in which we fall into, but in the end, I think we were two teenagers, trying to learn how love works, and scared shitless to lose each other. Not many people can say they have found a love as strong as ours, in a whole lifetime. Even less people can say they found it before they even had any experience on loving someone and giving yourself into a healthy and stable relationship. And as much it hurt, and really destroyed me for a while, I think we both needed this time apart to really comprehend that. I would never be able to see how unhealthy my obsession with you was, if I didn't lose you. I was in love, yes, I still am in love with you, and that hasn't gone away, but I was also obsessed with you. You said you were addicted to me, and I can assure you I was addicted to you too."

"From my perspective of things, love aside, you were the personification of all my dreams. You were the proof that fairy tales existed, you were that perfect character from all my books that every reader wants to be real. When you came into my life, you brought with you all of that. Over night I was living inside one of my biggest fantasies. I had my knight on a shiny armor, or skin in your case, and I had a guy that loved me; I had someone that was willing to die for me, someone I was willing to die for. Something I only thought it was possible on those pages I loved so much. When I lost that, I was destroyed. The love didn't go away, and as I told you back in the hospital, I was able to see where you were coming from and I get it, but I was consumed in our fairy tale. I was living in a dream world; I wasn't living in real life. I couldn't see the big picture around me because I was confined on that little world, we created for ourselves. And you could see it. You have seen way more of life than me, you comprehended way more of what I was missing and ignoring than I could ever do back then, and for that I'm grateful." Another deep breath before laying down my final cards on the table. "But we both did mess up doing that."

"You didn't try to listen to me when I told you I could deal with more than you believed I could, and I didn't try to listen to you when you tried to expose how I, not trusting you and what you wanted me to see, affected you. We both lacked on the giving each other the chance to be both strong and vulnerable, and to give ourselves that chance too. And I think that now we are finally in a place where we can do that." I smile at him, looking around us. "I love this, Edward, this date. I love this moment we are sharing; I love the possibility of trying again; I love that us two are both strong and vulnerable right now. I needed this, you did too. I feel really good about this." I get up on my knees to get closer to him, and I sit on his lap looking at his face as close as possible without touching him. "We did some growing and learning apart, we did a lot of thinking, we realized a lot of things, and we figured out a lot of things. And now I am ready to do some growing and learning together, if you are too." I have my hands on his hair, and we are starring at each other's eyes, smiles matching in our faces.

"I'm ready to learn and grow with you too." He answers me, before kissing me.

Kissing Edward would never get old. It was always an amazing experience. The mix of passion, deep love, deep trust on it, was always enhanced with the feeling of danger and adrenaline behind it. But never, in the dozens of times we kissed before, it had felt like this. It felt like all the weight of the unspoken words from the past had finally left us. It felt like, for the first time, we were on the same page with everything, and we were equals. It felt like both of us were putting our heart and souls into it, without being afraid of the consequences of it. It felt freeing.

Edward's hands, once on the floor by his side, came to my waist to hold me against him as close as possible. I still could sense his care with me. I could feel that he was holding back and being careful, but that was part of our relationship, that was necessary. He was, still, way stronger than me, and dangerous. He wasn't allowed to just let go and enjoy the moment, because he didn't want to hurt me. But I could feel that it was way less than before, and that he was enjoying it way more than any of the other times too. If he had to show control, I probably should too. I start pushing away from his kiss, just to give him some fresh air and space from my blood, but he opens his eyes, and he sees in me that I didn't push back because I wanted to, but to give him space, and he uses one of his hands to press me back against his mouth. This time I can feel the control almost leaving his body. I feel that he isn't treating me as breakable crystal, he isn't undermining my strength. I feel blissful. My hands go down from his hair to explore his back and shoulders. His left hand goes down from my waist to my leg, and his right hand goes down to hold me in place on his lap. I don't even know if it's possible for us to get any closer, but I try moving in closer to him anyways, and I'm greeted with him stopping the kiss to breathe on my neck, while resting his head on my shoulder. I can feel all the electricity running on my body, the numbness everywhere we are touching, and the adrenaline of having his teeth so close to my main arteries on my neck. My hands are back on his hair, holding him in place, and he is kissing my neck. I can't hold back on a moan, and I can feel the reaction of Edward's body to it against my inner thighs, that are as close to him as possible. That makes me moan once again and move against him, and he takes a deep breath, pushing his head back from my neck and resting his forehead on mine. I open my eyes to look at him, doing nothing to separate our bodies, and I'm surprised by his completely black eyes starring back at me.

Edward with black eyes was a hungry Edward. A dangerous Edward. I try to move away from him a bit, but he holds me back in place. I don't see anything in his facial expressions that would scare me, I don't feel afraid at all, but I understand his limitations, and dark eyes was a red flag.

"Are you okay?" I ask him, and he's a bit confused with it, so I decide to clear it out. "Are you thirsty? Your eyes are very black right now." And to my surprise he opens up a really big smile and shake his head in a 'no' motion. "You sure? I can move away."

"Moving away would probably help a little bit with it, but no, I'm not thirsty, not for your blood at least." He winks, and it takes a me a second to understand what he meant, and I blush hard, making he really laugh at me. "You straddle me, you basically dry hump me while using a dress that doesn't leave much in between us, and then you have the courage to blush when you realize the affect that has on me. You are one of a kind, Bella Swan." This is a side of Edward I was definitely not used to. I could almost taste in the air the change in between us and our relationship, after the time we had apart. Edward was not as uptight, worried, and downright cold towards us anymore, and that really turned me on. I hide my face against his chest, trying to hide away my blush from him, although I know he can smell the blood on my cheeks. That amuses him even more and he's laughing to the point of shaking us. Bad idea Edward. As his body moves with his laughter, I can feel him pressing against my center again, with even less of my dress in between us. He feels it at the same time as I do, and as I try to hold back another moan, I can hear him doing the same while putting his head against mine and taking another deep breath. "Okay, maybe moving away is a good idea." He says, making me laugh this time. Another bad idea. He pushes me back before we are stuck in this endless cycle, and I leave his lap, fixing my dress. I sit back on my place, and I already miss his body against me. I don't like it. "So, how are my sandwich making abilities?" He asks, trying to distract us, and he does a good job with it.

"I have no idea; I haven't been able to eat any yet." I answer honestly, making him laugh.

"Let's change that then, we don't want Rosalie mad at us for you not eating correctly and not taking care of yourself." He makes a good point, offering me my BLT back, and I grab it from him quickly, taking a bite. It tastes amazing. I hadn't realized I was this hungry before, but thinking about it the last thing I ate was lunch brought me before my nap this afternoon, many hours ago. I take another bite in pure happiness. I chew it and swallow it before looking at Edward, and he's offering me a can of coke. I take it and thank him, opening and taking a sip. "It's really good Edward, thank you so much."

"I'm glad babe." He answers, smiling at me. "You have another 14 to try, by the way." He mentions, pointing to the basket filled with sandwiches. I laugh.

"I might be able to try a second one, but that will be it. You brought food for an entire army; I think your human skills are a bit dysregulated." I joke, taking another bite.

"They probably are. We will have time to get it back on tracks though." He says, raising his eyebrows towards me. "So, when were you going to mention that you have decided to stay human for a while?" He asks, and I can feel that he has been wanting to get to this subject for a while. Oh Alice, what am I gonna do to you?