Author's Note: Hi guys!
I wasn't going to post a note on this chapter, but I got a review under a guest user (so I couldn't answer to them personally), and decided to just clear some things up:
A spontaneous abortion is a miscarriage, they are the same thing, you can use whichever to refer to it, and I will be referring to it in both ways. I understand it might be a bit confusing to some people, but it's not technically wrong, and it gives me some vocabulary variety.
As you probably have noticed by now, I'm not too comfortable with writing Edward and Bella 100% true to their books/movies personalities. I'm writing ignoring that they were in 2005 (so 2008? for the fic) and considering 2021 for the storyline. That being said, there are some attitudes, and some key points in their personalities, that are being changed so they can fit better into our world now. I'm sorry if you don't like that, but I just don't feel comfortable with writing a whole story where the main characters are (AND THESE ARE JUST UNRELATED EXAMPLES) sexist, homophobic, racist, etc. The reality, 16 years ago, was very different from today, and I would like to think that everyone has learned a lot during this time, and so have the characters in this fanfic.
It might seem weird to people that, both Bella and Edward, are so communicative and that 80% of the story till now has been just them talking things out. I understand if that is not your style and you don't care. But I've come to the conclusion that it's my style. I like relationships that are built on a strong foundation, and as cliché as it is, open communication is the best foundation for a relationship. Does that mean that the saucy part of the relationship is never going to happen? No. And you have probably noticed that by now. But it does mean that some days (into the storyline) will end up taking up to 3 whole chapters, and I'm not actually sorry about that LOL.
Yes, on the first few chapters Bella was worried about Edward being mad that she dated other people, slept with other people, and all of that, and now she's not actually giving much of a fuck to that. Remember that she was extremely vulnerable on chapter one, she had gone through some major things, she was coming out from anesthetics, she was not in her right mind. Things seem or way too important, or not important at all, when you are not yourself, so excuse me for trying to show that without explaining, my mistake. And also, I wasn't planning on the 180º turn I took with the past few chapters, so there's that too.
I hope you guys can enjoy the path I'm taking with the fanfic, because I'm honestly loving it. Thank you so much for the support!
Love,
-B
Full Moon – Chapter 8
I've seen Edward scared before. I've seen him confused, in love, happy, sad, worried, excited and hurting. But I have never seen him looking the way he did, once I straddled him and kissed him with all my being. It was if all the emotions were passing on his face at the same time. He had the full black eyes again, and he was uncertain of what to do. I decide to take him away from his misery quickly, so he doesn't push me away, and I do that by sitting back up, still on top of him and laughing.
"I don't know, Edward, if I didn't know you well, I'd say you did not enjoy that." I raise my eyebrows at him, using my hands on his abdomen to keep me steady, and I can't hold myself back from just tracing my fingers around a little bit, feeling the coldness of his skin through his button-down shirt.
"It's not like you gave me much of a warning, I was just taken back, I guess." He grabs a few cushions to put under his head so he can be on a better angle to look at me, and then his hands come back to my legs, still resting around his hips. "I was also wondering if you had hit your head and forgotten what we literally just talked about, and how we shouldn't be doing much of this due to my possible lack of self-control." He mentions, pointing at our bodies joined by the hips, I smile.
"Oh, I haven't forgotten, and I am taking it all under consideration, including the fact that I will not push you to do something you don't want to. But I also think you are only analyzing things from a 20th century point of view, where you, as the male, would have to be the one in control." I see the realization coming to his face as soon as the words come out of my mind. I see him giving me a warning look and shaking his head a little bit, worried about where I was going with this. I move my hands down a little bit, until they reach the bottom of his shirt, and them I push my hands under it, moving them up again, to his chest. As I'm moving my hands up, and his shirt is being pulled with them, I start inclining back down towards him, to whisper in his ears. "From what I gather, after our conversation, your issue is that you don't want to lose control and hurt me, and I respect that. But you forget that you aren't the only one that can be in control of it. I think, and we can test that any time you want, that as long as your hands aren't touching me, and as long your body can't crush me, there's no actual danger for us." I finish my sentence by kissing his neck, and I feel his entire body shake from it, making me smile at myself. I kiss the same spot again, and I hear a little growl from his chest, making me feel powerful. "Did I just find out one of your sweet spots, Mr. Cullen?" I raise myself up again, so I can look at his face, and I don't let the fact that he used his hands to move me out of his hips, and more up to his belly quickly, slip. I could be a bit more forward and push myself back to my previous position, but I don't want to push him into something he might not be comfortable, so I use my hands to touch the part of his chest I exposed, and he smiles at me shaking his head.
"Who are you, and did you do to my sweet, innocent and shy, Bella Swan?" He asks, more amused than annoyed, and that relaxes me. He doesn't hate me for any of it, and that is a relief. I smile back at him and I lay back down on his chest, kissing his collarbone, getting another small growl. I push myself up to look at his face, getting as close as possible without touching him, and I stare into his black and gold eyes.
"She did what you told her to do, and she lived a life. Bella Swan found confidence, self-worth, and learned new tricks. Why? Are you complaining?" I feel his hands move back up my body and he turn us, changing our position completely. It takes me by surprise and I gasp, as my head is back on cushions, and he is the one hovering me. He kisses me with even less of a restraint than before, and it melts all my thoughts away. I feel him deepening the kiss, and slowly lowering his body on top of mine, still being careful not to crush me. I decide to get my legs crossed behind his back, and use them to try to push him even closer to me, with no luck at all, and that makes him laugh, stopping our kiss and frustrating me.
"Never complaining, Ms. Swan. Just surprised, in a good way." He answers, laying back down by my side, grabbing my hand in between us, and returning to the circles. "But I think that's enough of exploring control for one night." He says, as a final statement, and I just agree with my head. "Not that I don't want to, but this is literally an '8 to an 80' type of situation, and I really do have to get myself under control better." He says, noticing I wasn't too happy with the loss of our connection. I move closer to give him a quick peck, and I lay my head on his chest, yawning. "And the human needs sleep. It's way past your bed time." He says, and I raise my head to look at the clock by my bedside, reading 1:26am on it, damn the time flew, we've been on this date for over six hours.
"I don't want this to end." I say, laying back on his chest.
"I am not going anywhere. But you probably should get into more comfortable clothes, and move to your bed." He says, touching my new favorite velvet dress, that has kept me really warm and feeling sexy all night, thank you Alice.
"You promise you aren't leaving tonight?" I ask him, moving to a sitting position and he mirrors my movement.
"Not unless you want me to." He answers, making me smile. "But I will be traditional and take you back to your door. So, go get yourself some PJs while I clean this, and I'll walk you back to where I picked you up." He says, winking at me, making me laugh.
"You are going to walk me to the bathroom, really Edward?"
"Hey, I'm nothing but traditional, so yes, that's where I picked you up for our date, that's where I'm ending it. Now, stop fighting me and go get your clothes, although you look amazing on this and I do expect you to wear it again sometime." He says, touching my sleeves, and I smile at him.
I get up, leaving our little fairy tale picknick area, and I go to my wardrobe to grab some comfy clothes. I grab a pair of sweats and a hoodie, not the sexiest outfit I could put on, but I didn't want to get cold while hugging Edward and having him move away. I turn back to look at him, and he's standing right behind me, making me jump a bit.
"Sorry, guess you aren't used to vampire speed yet." He said, holding my hand and waiting on my heart to go back to normal. He gives my hand a little kiss, making me smile. "May I?" He points to the bathroom door, and I laugh agreeing, and we take the 5 steps to it together, hand-by-hand, just looking at each other. "Thank you for the amazing company and for allowing me to take you on an impromptu date. I really enjoyed it, and I hope we can do it again sometime soon." He says, kissing my hands again. He's so sweet.
"Thank you for the most incredible date ever, and for everything, it was perfect." I answer him, looking at his face. He smiles back at me and then he gets closer for a quick, but sweet, goodbye kiss.
"Have a good night, Bella." He winks at me, making me laugh.
"Goodnight Edward." I say back, opening the door behind me, leaving his hands, and going inside, closing the door between us. I laugh, and I hear him laughing too on the other side. "You are destroying the fantasy you created by standing there and laughing at me." I tell him, making him laugh even harder. "I need a human minute, Edward, can I have some privacy please?" I ask, and I just hear him agreeing, and then silence. Good.
I don't need to take a shower, as I just had one before our date. I take the mascara off and wash my face, not worrying about a skin routine at all. I make sure to use the toilet and clean around my bathroom a bit, as it was messy from getting ready earlier. I take of my new favorite dress, putting on my sweats and hoodie. I pull my hair up on a pony tail, and stare at myself on the mirror. I feel pretty, I feel confident, I feel loved, and that makes me smile. Edward and I are finally on the same page with most things, and that felt right. I brush my teeth, trying to recap all things we have talked about and discussed, but there are too many, so I focus on the most important one. Edward had agreed on turning me into a vampire, in less than two years. I smile at myself on the mirror. I was finally going to be the best version of myself I can be, the version I was born to be, and that made me extremely happy.
I don't know how long it takes me to get out of the bathroom, but when I do, our little tent and cozy corner wasn't there anymore. Edward made sure to clean and organize everything, and other than the fairy lights around the room, that I really enjoyed, my dorm was back to what it was before. Except for the hottest marble statue ever, that was laying in my bed using his phone. I jump into bed by his side, surprising him, and I laugh. Edward really isn't used to being surprised by anything or anyone, and I make a mental note to do that more often, as I'm the only one that can do it. He gives me a little kiss, and returns to his phone for a little bit. I notice he's using a "Note" type of phone, with a little pen to type on it, and that surprises me for some reason.
"You'd think a Cullen would have the latest generation iPhone." I mention. He turns his head to me before speaking.
"Our skin is too tough and cold for the touchscreen to work. We need to use the pens to type on it. It would be weird if we used old school phones, people would stare, and it would be weird if we used pens with the iPhones, as people don't do that. So, we just go for the ones that come with them attached, avoiding stares and questions." He answers, still looking at me, while typing at the same time.
"I guess I never thought about that." I say after a little bit, grabbing my own phone from the bedside table to text Alice and Rosalie, to thank them.
"There are a lot of little things that you will learn, that comes with being a vampire. Things you usually wouldn't think about, but you will get it." He says, finally putting his phone aside. I finish my thank you text to the girls, and I set up an alarm for 8am, as I want to call my dad before his shift at work, just to let him know I'm okay. He hasn't heard from me in a few days, and is probably worried.
I give Edward my phone, so he can put it aside too, as he's closer to the bedside table, and I get comfortable with my pillows. I notice that Edward has grabbed the new blanket Alice got me, the one is that thicker and warmer than the other ones I had, and he puts that on top of me, as a shield between us. I move closer to him, so I am resting my face on his arm, and he turns his head to give a kiss on top of mine. I scootch even closer to him, and just get comfy. I can hear him saying goodnight, but I don't think I had the strength to answer, before falling asleep.
The next few days passed really quick, with a lot of things happening all the time around me. I missed a few classes when Rosalie put me in bed arrest, and I had so many things to catch up, way more than you would think for the beginning of the quarter. Alice was sad that not even the Cullen charm, and their large donations, were able to pay for their mid-quarter transference, so they all had to wait until Winter Quarter to start their classes. For them, that meant they had a lot of time to plan what they were going to be doing, how they were going to be acting, and just organize who would be Bella's nanny in which days. For me, that meant that I had a lot of bored Cullens around me at all times, and although I really loved it, I was starting to feel a bit suffocated. For the first time in years, thinking about going back to Forks for the holidays felt really good, knowing I'd have some time alone with Charlie and then the nights would be all for me and Edward. An Edward that I still had to tell my dad I was dating, again.
I did call Charlie a couple days after being back home from the hospital. I didn't tell him about the miscarriage, as I didn't plan to tell anyone for a bit, and I also didn't tell him about Edward and I getting back together, but I did tell him about the Cullens being back in my life, and it went as well as I could expect. Charlie wasn't too excited about them being back, knowing how much I hurt after they left, and how hard it was, he was worried for me. But he also knows he can't control who I'm friends with, who I let in my life, and who I want to date or not. Not telling him about Edward wasn't a planned thing, I wanted to tell him, but he didn't want to know. All he said was that he wanted me to be happy, that I should do whatever I felt it was the right for me, and that if I needed him, he would be there. He didn't want details, he didn't want to hear it, and I respected that. And Edward and I being back together was a given, as he asked me about Thanksgiving plans, and I mentioned I was going home with the Cullens, as they were planning on spending the holidays in Forks too.
Telling Charlie also meant I needed to tell Jacob and the Quileutes. I did ask Charlie not to mention anything to Billy or Jake, before I could, but I also knew that he wasn't going to be able to hold it back during their weekend fishing trip, and I needed to just get over with it and do as fast as possible. Reason why I asked Edward and his family for a night off, without them, so I could deal with the wolf dilemma. Neither of them was too happy about me doing it, but the fact that I wasn't doing in person did calm them down. That and the fact I had promised them to spend my whole weekend at the new Cullen house, without complaining about their chosen activities for us, if I could get the Thursday night off to deal with Jake. You win some, you lose some, I guess.
My last Thursday class ended a little bit earlier, granting me the opportunity to arrive earlier at the office, gaining some brownie points with the boss. Everyone at the Jansen and Hawkins Law Firm were nice enough, and some had actually shown worry about me and my emergency medical leave from last week, but none of them were excited about the time I took off, so I had to work a bit harder for a little bit.
Even with the extra things to do, work was definitely my thinking time for the day. Other than answering a few phone calls, and grabbing coffee for the people above me on the chain, most of my work was just filing, organizing, and waiting on more calls and orders, so I had a lot of time to think through all my near future plans.
Thanksgiving is just over a month away, and that meant Forks. That meant having the Cullens back in Forks, and Edward back again in my room. Having everyone back has been a rollercoaster on itself, but having them returning to where it all began, kind of felt more like a dream than reality. For the first few months after they left, all I could do was imagine them there. Imagine them walking the school hallways; Edward coming up my windows on my room and holding me so I could sleep in his arms; Alice and I sat on my bedroom floor discussing girly things. After some time, and a lot of therapy, I had to accept that those were just visualizations of my wishes, and that it wasn't real, and probably would never be real again. I couldn't stop myself from wondering if having them there, replacing the visions I had for so many months, and that I worked so hard on getting over, would cause me to have issues with my mental stability again.
I grab my personal notepad from my bag and I scribble something new on my daily to-do list: 'Call Dr. Terry and schedule an in-person appointment for while I'm in Forks, to explain to him that I am destroying all the work we've done together'. I write that right under 'Call Jacob and explain the Cullens being back in my life, and them returning to Forks for the holidays', and I take a deep breath, preparing myself for the conversations of the day. I make a note on buying wine and chocolate, as I am planning a hard and distressing night, and I would probably need something to get me through it. I also make a note to buy a new journal, as preparation. I put my notepad away, and return to my filing and thinking, planning the next few months.
I had promised Renee that I would spend a whole week with her, in Florida, during my winter break. Charlie would have me for Christmas, since I spent that with Renee last year, but I had told Renee I would spend New Year's with her. Alice wasn't too excited about that, as she had plans for a New Years party, but I wasn't going to change my plans to see my family, on the few chances I'd actually get to see them before 'dying'. Carlisle and Rosalie would both be working on Christmas Day, as Carlisle always did. Edward explained to me that doing the night shifts, or working holidays, or taking extra shifts to substitute other doctors, was Carlisle's way of helping his colleagues, without them knowing. Since he needed no sleep, and didn't have actual kids to go back to, didn't have human responsibilities at all, he did his best to take in all the work that none of the other doctors wanted to take, or couldn't. Rosalie was the same. That meant that the Cullens wouldn't be going to Forks for Christmas, that would ruin the whole "close knit family that stick together no matter what" image of them. But that wouldn't stop Edward.
The Cullens did care about Christmas and other holidays, but nothing that they hadn't done for decades together, and nothing they wouldn't do for another hundreds of times. So, Edward decided to go to Forks with me, without Charlie, or anyone in Forks, knowing. We didn't want to blow up the Cullen cover, but he did want to spend some Christmas time with me, and he also didn't trust the wolves enough to send me there alone. Go figure. Edward and I would be leaving on the last day of classes, I'd have a few days with Charlie, then fly out to Florida on the 27th. We were still waiting on Alice's climate predictions, to analyze the possibilities of Edward visiting my mom with me, to meet her, but we still had no information on that, New Years was still a couple months away.
"You seem very focused on those files." Said a voice from behind me, scaring me to the point of a small screech. "I'm sorry Bella, I didn't mean to scare you." Said Kyle, laughing. Kyle Porter, one of the law interns on the firm, one of my closest colleagues.
"You know I get jump scared easily, that's not fair." I say, pretending to be mad, but he can read me well and I can't hold the act for long, so I smile at him.
"I honestly don't know how you can focus that hard on paperwork. I've been standing here for at least a whole minute staring at your face." He said, pulling a chair from the desk by mine, that belonged to Jenny, the other secretary, and sitting by me.
"The secret is focusing on other things, while you do this mindlessly. But shhhh, don't tell the bosses." I tell him in a hushed voice, laughing afterwards. "Can I help you with anything, Mr. Porter?" I ask him, with my professional voice.
"I was wondering if you are doing anything tomorrow night, I have tickets for a concert in Anchorage, and I thought we could grab something to eat on the way there, then get a hotel room to spend the weekend, do some sightseeing, enjoy a movie or something." He asked, with his sweet, but deadly, side smile.
Kyle and I became friends on his first week working here, a handful of months ago. He was always easy to talk to, and nice to look at, and at some point, we started a 'no questions asked and no strings attached' friends with benefits relationship, that would just work whenever we felt like it. It wasn't anything surprising him asking me out to a fun activity, like a concert, a movie, a play, or just a random walk, but I caught myself being surprised by the fact I hadn't mentioned to him I was dating. Or to anyone in general.
I wasn't trying to hide my relationship with Edward, and I wasn't hiding it at all, but we hadn't gone out in public together yet. Other than being on my classes, or at work, I didn't leave the house much, since the Cullens returned. And I didn't notice that at all. Not like I have many friends, or a very busy social life to miss, but on a week from them being back in my life, I had already left everything I build, to get sucked into the vampire world again. Not good. I think about all my friends I haven't seen, or even texted, since last week. All the people that I didn't want to miss, and that I should be spending my time with, before I actually vanished from the face of the Earth. Mental note for later: Text my friends and make plans with them. And maybe tell them I have a boyfriend now.
"Bella? Are you free this weekend?" Asked him again, getting my attention back.
"Kyle, I don't think I'll be able to join you. My ex-boyfriend from high school times just moved here with his family, and him and I have reconnected. I really appreciate the offer though." I tell him, with a shy smile. He raises his eyebrows towards me, and leans forward to get a bit closer, so we can talk a bit more in private.
"You mean Mr. 'I don't talk about it, change the subject please' is back in your life? And you are just back with him, no questions asked?" He asked, not sounding hurt, just very curious. I agree with my head, not wanting to get into a discussion over the whole 'we did talk a lot, and questions were asked, and I understand his point, and we are better than ever' thing. "Damn girl. I mean, I'm happy for you, if that's what you want and you are happy. But, give a guy a warning next time." He laughs, getting up from his chair and putting it back by Jenny's desk. "I guess I'll have to find someone else to go with me." He shakes his head. "Where does this leave us?" He asks, leaning against my desk.
"We are friends, Kyle, we have always been friends. I'm still down to go to concerts, walks, or whatever, but yeah, no more weekends getaways."
"Oh, how will I live without our fun weekend getaways?" He asks, putting the back of his hand on his forehead and making a movie-worthy scene, making me laugh. "Alright, Swan, I guess I'll go find someone to glue back the pieces of my heart you just broke." He winks at me making me roll my eyes. "I'll see you tomorrow." He says, tapping on my desk and leaving me alone again. I shake my head and go back to my work, only stopping again to make a new mental note: Find a way for all the other guys in my life to find out about Edward, without the news being too out there.
The hours of work pass really quickly after that, and on my way back home I make sure to do some grocery shopping for essentials, like chocolate, wine, and toilet paper. I also grab the new journal, and, against all my judgments, a bottle of rum, for emergencies only. Parking on my dorm parking lot, and not seeing one of the Cullen's cars there, was a weird feeling. I've grown used, really quickly I may add, to having at least one of their very fancy cars parked by my spot, and it not having them there felt… empty.
I get all my things, and go up to my room. I make sure to organize all my stuff, clean, and separate all the laundry. I take the laundry downstairs, to the shared machines area. I set up my two loads, one of clothes and one of bed sheets, and I go back to my room, putting an alarm to when the loads would be done. I clean the bathroom really well, as it was needing it, and I set up new clean bedsheets on my bed. I organize the gaming station Jasper and Emmett enjoyed so much, and make sure to put away all my school books that were scattered around the room. I procrastinate as much as I can, before grabbing my phone. I know that once I dial Jake's number, all the peace I have enjoyed in the past few years, was going to be turned into ashes, and my heart isn't exactly ready for that. I take a deep breath and decide to call my therapist first, Dr. Terry, scheduling an appointment for Black Friday, in Port Angels. His secretary, Miss Pauline, was super nice and was excited to hear from me, and I actually enjoyed our 10 minutes conversation more than I should have, another procrastination.
She ends the call minutes before my alarm for the laundry going off, so I decide to finish that before doing anything else. With all my clothes folded and put away, my whole room cleaned and organized, and a shiny bathroom, I know I can't procrastinate anymore. I grab my phone once more, looking through my contacts list till finding Jake's name. I click on it, and I hear it ringing, I take a deep breath every ring, until he answers, waiting for his voice to bring me back to those hard days where he helped me so much, to those times before he was a wolf and things were even more complicated. To a time where I was broken, and he put me back together. I just pray he won't be mad, and that I'm not about to lose him.
"Bella! Where having you been, loca?"