Disclaimer: Just so as no doubts about the setting of time exist in any regard, the events that take place in this fiction are set after arc 7. There will rarely be made only references to the events from arc 7, while anything more specific is purely part of this story.
Please pardon me if you encounter any spelling errors as you read, due to English not being my main language.
Please, enjoy!
『Ladon』
The door creaked open, and the furnished interior came slowly into view as Subaru stepped foot inside.
"Brat."
"Asshole."
It started off just right.
…
The at first thin lipped smile of courtesy soon stretched to entail an amused expression. Resting his chin on his fist over the desk rife one side with parchments and inkwells, his free hand continued to rub with a wet rag away at circular marks that eroded the woodwork for who knows how long.
"Still look like taken from a jungle. But the getup isn't bad. Not bad at all, great choice even." The smug reply was confidently uttered without taking stop from the cleaning activity.
"Still smells like a pub in here. But the spring-cleanup comes along nicely. Might even put to shame a professional butler." Subaru wrinkled his nose with a sly air after giving a 360 from the room's center to take in the clumsy style of its ordering.
"Hoh, and you'd know all about butler professionalism, no?" One of the converser's boots shuffled for a moment beneath the desk in order to reach on the end opposite to him: Delivering a sudden jolt with the extended foot to the wooden carved armchair set on that end. Its legs squeaked across the dark parquet before gently stopping a little-ways away.
"Then how about showing off a little how the elbowgrease should be put in, brat?"
Heinkel's reply slyly attacked Subaru's sense of competition just the right way in order to make the mundane task seem like a chance to prove as the better.
"Making your visitors do your dirty housework? As expected of the refined lord of this manor! Here I thought there couldn't be worse than Roswaal. Ah, nevermind that last one, it was definitely a joke." Yet no less spirited was the counter to the challenge. Although, it all seemed a weird way to exchange courtesy as by the end of his words, Subaru, still moved to pick a nearby rag to scrub along at a sedated pace.
"Talking back so irresponsibly now? Not even a care about the effect of your insults. Fuckin' hell, kids these days; no respect. Here I was thinking you outgrew your rebellious phase." Hummed towards the end with satisfaction Heinkel before scratching his chin. His eyes closed in recollection; the toothy grin revealed a second after, only promised how no plans ever existed of living down the hinted events. "And now here you are talking me down after I poured my heart and soul to raise you back in a proper man from that bomb-scared looking child. Hah!"
"You only poured your stomach's contents after I raised you back into a man! Don't get it twisted! Just because I was forced on piggyback rides at times was only because of the circumstances and time constraints!" Subaru's face reddened as his voice pitched with a scratchy sonority, almost as if he'd lose his voice the next second. "Raising means more than physically taking care of a kid, you know?!"
"Mhm, I know, I know…" Momentarily considering something that went unspoken, Heinkel soured his mouth for a blink before reassuming his open attitude, although stingy, as he spoke. "Exactly why I tried my best to put some attitude in your scrawny, kiddy, ass. And the results speak for themselves~."
"I was still myself all the time and you know it! I was just younger! And nothing more!" Subaru hunched a little-ways across the desk and let his gaze transmit his irritation once it became scrunched by his upper eyelids. "I, had everything under control."
"Sure you did. All the control possible from Priscilla's iron bosom. Geez…" Heinkel's expression became suggestively sly as a humming laugh budded from his throat when turning his face to the side. "Letting girls act for you whenever: What a playboy, heh-he~" hunched the man a bit over the desk to mirror Subaru's earlier motion.
"-hk! Don't joke around all willy-nilly! We're getting off track here! I didn't come to chat over war stories/escapades like an old fart. So, tell me when Wilhelm arrives! He must've written back by now, right?" As of now it became meaningless to try and define how shook or flustered the black knight's expression was. His jittery frame spoke for itself.
"Oh, right, right. Wouldn't want to exhaust the material with me now in private before reaching your one-true-love, no? Understandable. That should rile her jealousy up a little I should think." Winked and laughed without a care the family head while renouncing from his hand the rag he'd been redeeming with the alcohol replete desk surface.
"NOT A WORD ABOUT IT THEN! To anyone, in fact! Ever!"
"Hah-ha-ha-ha! You'll have to convince me for that! It's too good to pass up. And I won't accept words anymore as method of convincing. Can't fool me with the same trick; I know you're dangerous if your mouth starts running now."
"…Eugh…" Became downtrodden the youth's mood. "Just shit on my parade, why don't you?"
"I don't need an incentive for that. Might as well be my responsibility by now! Can't have you, brat, let things get up to your head. Plain stupid." Mercilessly decided Heinkel with a nod and self-assured demeanor.
"No thanks, Ram's enough," almost instantly came his retort. "A-anyway. What I more importantly came here to ask was: Are you ready? Today is the day. And I'm not settling without the result I've set on. And since everyone seems to have time now with the day being all like it is, I'd like everyone to be present", changing his tone at the drop of a dime as if on command, the knight seriously spoke to his host.
"…"
Heinkel's lips pursed. His eyes relaxed; locked on an imaginary point. His cheeks became stiff. And after a heartbeat later, he gave a deep exhale.
"Ready… Huh. Asking me that, no, even considering that, after the years that passed is kind of cruel of you, isn't it?" His voice was calm, despite the occasional pauses he'd have.
"I am cruel like that, it's true." Subaru spoke just as calmly. Trying to show no sign of sadness at what the man must've been experiencing, he reigned in the choice of outwardly showing empathy.
If he were to do things right, he was to come off as the type of asshole that knows whatever's needed to be done and ignore most off whatever negativity others shouldered.
"But being like that; it hasn't failed completely 'till now, has it?"
"Heh… Failed, how? The way things are-" Heinkel stretched his back to rest against his seat. Looking straight at Natsuki, the captain of the royal guard waited with baited breath. "I've yet to see you hit a wall. The Watergate city felt like a warmup compared to recently. Going back further, does nothing to disprove me. Then, what could you mean?"
His worries were understandable, Subaru believed. What no doubt swam through Heinkel's head were fears of Louanna's fate to be caged in that curse forever if he were to up and set doubts by now.
Fortunately, those were not likelihoods Subaru would even leave room for consideration.
"Do not consider me failing now, Heinkel." Simply and quite inconsiderably placated Subaru the rising fear of the Astrea.
"Then why even bring it up?" Muttered Heinkel
"It was just me admitting to the truth. Nothing for you to be laden with. But, speaking of me being cruel, I'll play by your expectations and say: Delaying my question with distractions won't excuse you, Heinkel. You haven't come clean just yet. Are you ready?"
Suabru was straight forward.
His evil eyes locked on the sky-blue ones before him unwaveringly.
Pursing his lips just enough to bite them along with the inside of his cheek, his face was only accentuated for its telling thinner look than what should be healthy.
He probably should take care of that.
"Hmn! I was even coming to peace with the notion of parting with second chances. And… hearing this now…"
"…"
"Makes me want to not really part with the 'spirits'. Just in case this dream might last forever."
Traced Heinkel's eyes over haphazardly thrown canteens in the chamber's corner.
The lingering wafts of alcohol tickling their noses.
"Then it's fortunate I'm not letting you go around being too un-cool, huh?"
Subaru's mouth slightly perked.
"Heh! …Twisting my words like that." Hesitating for just a few minutes before looking at the young knight before him, Heinkel stretched a hand towards the desk's side rife with parchments and fished out a letter. It looked to be very concise by its modest contents. A snort left his mouth when looking over the paper before looking back at Subaru.
"He wrote to me."
Subaru remained silent.
"40 years. …40 years. And for the first time, he wrote to me." His smile was natural, yet tinted bitter. His look was longing but exuded disbelief. His fingers rubbed the paper's corner gently. His glabella and nose scrunched minutely as if debating something.
"And now I wonder if this should be the thing hung up on a wall for prize rather than sharp iron sticks like every generation did."
"…"
"…He should arrive by later tomorrow, to answer your previous question. The thing got delayed when sent, but, still doesn't sound bad. Does it?"
"Tomorrow late…" murmured Subaru. "Should've arrived sooner. When do you wager Wilhelm got it?" bubbled his curiosity to the surface.
"Right after we crossed Vollachia, I should think. Flanders' some ways from the Karsten's Duchy, but having been in Priscilla's faction cut on some time with passing customs. …Why?" Came his rasped question.
"Just… just a thought."
"Ah…"
If Heinkel picked up on what ate at him inside regarding contact and the meaning it carried to a certain group of people, he didn't elaborate.
…
Clenching his fists and smoothly following to rub his palms together, Subaru gave a light sigh and stood up.
"Alright. See you at the chamber?"
"Wouldn't be anywhere else, brat. ... stupid question. Really…" Bumbled to himself the family head as he got up along, looking over the room, seeming to have said that to himself more than anything.
"Of course." Smiled with an exercised motion the tarnished knight. "But, one thing before I go?"
"Say."
"Please bring along some clean cloths, maybe some hot water, bandages or… even what you've got going on the hands would work, maybe best even. Better if it comes in orange!" Pointed Subaru at Heinkel's forearms, or rather at the things around them, with a whimsical look. Though not failing in apprising their utility.
"…duh… You mean, vambraces?" Fiddled Heinkel with the leather objects around his forearms a little confused. "U-uhh, I mean, last I've seen of your 'magics' I don't expect she'd need of all things-"
The reply to cut him off was blunt. "Oh, they're not for Louanna."
"…"
Lowering his sight over Subaru's body and stopping along the arms, Heinkel simply nodded.
Having set such requests aside, the knight moved first and directed towards the door, only to be halted by the man behind grasping his shoulder. Giving a slight shake and pat, he spoke:
"Wilhelm was… never an open guy. Gruff. A dour type of man even in my youth that I can't say I've had a wish or linking to understand. We haven't been exactly close," clenching his jaw and relaxing it a few times, Heinkel moved beside Subaru to leave the room.
"Mother… was the respite of sunshine that lasted for the little while she did for me. It never felt enough, looking back. Louanna… is the reason I still moved and lived. And Reinhard. …Reinhard, is the reason I can't stop and rest."
"…"
"I haven't had the best of relations. And obviously hadn't made any better either, eh?" Turned around the man while staring Natsuki down. In passing, the same ugly leer of spite Subaru used to associate with the Knight's Commander washed over his semblance.
"And crying about them won't do you any better either, will they?"
"Because getting to change that is possible now, I get. So why?" Heinkel's hand rested on the door's knob, ensuring it stayed closed as he stared at the black-haired knight.
"Father. …Mother. Louanna. Reinhard. Why? Why bring them back to me?" Questioned Heinkel with pathos. His piercing gaze was growing humid.
Subaru slightly smiled when thinking. Undecidedly switching a few times between a smirk and smile when weighing his response akin to how he balanced his head gently from left to right; as if considering the price for grain back at Arlam.
"You shouldn't get me wrong, Heinkel." His answer peaked the man's interest. "I'm not the type of awesome fairy hero that moves the mountains for someone to this extent, if at all. And I certainly haven't done it all for you. If I've even helped in any way? It was at first for the sake of simply helping after knowing Wilhelm's woes. After that? Things just happened. There's not really a reason for having done it."
"Not really a reason…?"
"Were you expecting one? Heh, maybe you're right. Guess I come off as pretty shady, no? Well, for future reference, I'm the type of guy who wants and does what I honestly want at the moment. Nothing special or great about me. So, after knowing you a little, I guess I had my own guilts to reflect. And that most definitely-" Subaru made a pause to think over his conclusion.
"-definitely, after knowing all that happened, and you, and Wilhelm... I thought Reinhard should know things can be better. Living how he should."
Giving his cheek a scratch and his arm a more insistent scratch, Subaru propped his hands on his hips, like if saying "and that's that!".
"Hopefully it made any sense to you. But, that's how I see this about." With a cracking smile, he expected this moment to fade and start making their way towards Louanna's chamber.
…
"Hmm… Hah…! Sense. Not much to talk about sense to me, if anything. So, I don't get what you ramble on, brat!" Loudly proclaimed Heinkel before making a turn on his heels, leaving the room first. "Wait for me at the entrance, Reinhard should be there by now, so you should have company to talk their ear off!"
Moving with vigor in his steps, Heinkel Astrea turned not once as he made left along the corridor to no doubt fetch what was requested of him, understanding the reason behind the implied precaution.
"Don't go doing anything stupid while I'm gone, brat! Got it?"
"Sir, yes sir," echoed behind the cheeky reply.
…
With each of them momentarily parting, leaving step after step of space between them, Heinkel grumbled under his breath what felt like unapproving murmurs.
"…Too alike. Too alike to not reprimand that… Fucking stupid…"
His face stiff and uncertain, expressed complex emotions. He was left feeling nauseous and uncertain. Breaking his will to omit looking over the shoulder, he only caught a shape of the retreating back.
It made him wonder.
Was it wrong to entertain the idea of how Reinhard would have grown if he were along Subaru since youth both, be him as mundane as he presented himself?
Heinkel was not sure of Subaru's influence. It felt right. At the same, it felt shoddy. Like watching someone assume issues not meant to be tackled, though not to mean unappreciated or unvalued, Subaru gave this impression. It was revolting.
His head felt heavy.
That same sensation was unexperienced in years by Heinkel.
More than a decade passed since remembering that type of unease. It vividly remained at his behest to remember. The moment still as ugly. He still remembered, of course.
Theresia instructing him last time before she chose to fight the whale.
"Disgusting…!"
"Are you nervous, Felt-sama?" Probed carefully an azure-haired woman that leisurely sat adjacent to a pacing blonde.
"Mm~nn, and you aren't?!" Exclaimed quite brashly the younger girl, ready to maintain her pacing along the room's perimeter like a lion on prowl.
"Most definitely. The proposed plan made by Subaru is the kind to feel reckless. That makes me worry." Stated as a matter of fact Rem before peeking at the rainy day outside through a nearby window.
"Then why did ya ask me if I was nervous?! Everyone is." Fiddled Felt with an end of her fuzzy scarf.
It was a common set rule by now in this household that she'd be wearing those stuck-up frilly dresses if only needed to. It wasn't enough she hated the things with a passion, but someone here even had the gall to set Flam and Grassis to periodically hound her with dresses at the ready. Their excuse for it being how normal getups were unbefitting of a royal candidate.
"To know why in particular, of course. You're not one to typically act so. Well, at least not in this way." Slightly mellowed Rem at the finale of her words so as to not sound rude to the girl.
"Oi! Hell you know about how I'd act, huh?" Swerved Felt on her heals to glare at Rem with her tiny fists on her hips. She would come off as intimidating if only… well… If she were not as diminutive as currently.
"Please, Felt-sama, I hadn't meant any disrespect, what I meant was-"
"-sama; -sama; -sama…! -sama up, -sama down and -sama sideways! Can you all shut your traps with it?!" Slapped the girl a palm to her forehead while bemoaning the ways of courteous addressing attempted to be drilled in her habits since entering this shit-show of a race for the crown.
"See! See what I mean, if ya would've known me then ya wouldn't have thought stupid crap like 'disrespecting' for asking stuff."
"I see." Tilted Rem her head gently to the side before revealing a content grin. "Then I'll make sure not to assume such things anymore." Humorously replied the oni while seeing the girl before her prove her right on some previous statements. "Then let me ask without presuming first: Felt, why are you nervous?"
Of course, she just couldn't help not make use of that irony set by Felt herself.
"-begh…!" Having received the query like so, her mood at once felt like having been shat on. Having her mouth lightly pout in an irritated manner and squinting her eyes, Felt betrayed a minute later a blooming smirk. "You think you're funny, huh?"
Turning around and placing her thin arms behind her head, Felt promptly threw herself without care for elegance or appearances on an empty sofa. Lifting her feet over the backrests, her rebellious attitude proved her commitment to ignore this shitty theater of masks used in nobility. Authenticity was simply the norm for her.
"Why, after Felt's earnest request I assumed it would be acceptable for Rem to act just as freely." The oni maintained her easy smile from the armchair she rested in while at times sneaking glances over the door they'd been waiting to open any second now.
"Heh." Felt's eyes twinkled with a sly shine in their ruby depths. "Sarcasm will get you everywhere, Rem~." Only to later dim down as she looked over the same door Rem observed. "Except through stuff like that, of course."
"Ah, then that must've been Felt's way of shrugging off the weight of the moment, was it? It certainly entangled Rem too." Transparently complimented Rem the behavior exerted by Felt earlier in order to derail the heavy side of the mood.
"Yeeh…" Drawled the blonde while balancing a leg over the other. "I mean, I would've probably answered later anyway. But I just didn't want to talk about this soon."
"Speaking off, I'm curious regarding that. Felt, if you're worried, why don't you enter along?" Questioned Rem sincerely. If it were her in Felt's place, she'd have already been there!
"It ain't my business, is it?" Replied the blonde candidate as she turned on the sofa in order to better sit on her side to look at Rem while talking. "Everyone, 'cept us and Rom-ji, knows Louanna. It's personal stuff. And I bet it'd feel shitty for the mood to be ruined 'cuz I were there. I'm not that insensible, ya know?"
Speaking at a mellow pace, Felt revealed a surprisingly mature side to her thought process. Pulling a fast one on the recently hosted oni, in terms of expectations. Having known Felt for less than a week, it certainly was unexpected to hear her speak this way.
Then again, she was a royal candidate. Whatever that title expected of its holder, couldn't have been frivolous, believed Reem.
"Even so, wouldn't your knight appreciate your presence as support in that moment?" Rem was still unclear over the principle applied by the candidate.
At that, Felt smirked a little and continued to lazily prop herself like a spoiled kid by resting her belly on the couch and legs on the backrests, gazing directly at Rem.
"Why? Ya think me so irreplaceable already that it'd sour the mood to not be there? Damn! I'm getting good at playing ruler if a newbie thinks so of me, huh?" Forged Felt on with her usual indulgence of sarcasm. Old habits die hard and she enjoyed making light of things.
"Well, isn't it so for sir Reinhard? After all, wasn't Subaru's entire point about this to mend what was once broken, together?" Rem's cheeks went stiff at the consideration of family. Having been told non-stop by Subaru about how treasured and missed she was by her alleged twin sister. Rem was now confused why Felt; who must've known more than her about such concepts; was staying behind to keep her company.
"Pfff~… Wow, ya've got a pretty weird way of looking at this one. But, not all bad either, I guess. Well-" Felt clacked her heels together and with a smug expression righted herself on the sofa to fold her arms beneath her chest. Proudly puffing herself up for what no doubt seemed to be her time to shine as she'd inadvertently show off.
"Firstly: Rein is this special kind of idiot." And already her specialty shined through, at calling people names, her smile bright. "When it's about real important stuff like relationships, trust, behavior, expectations so and so, he's kind of useless. If it can't be cut or pompously talked with, Rein is a real dumbass. So, what you're proposing isn't so much of a bad thing, as much as it sounds like something Rein would suggest. And right now, that idea is plain dumb."
"Plain dumb, huh?" Rem's cheeks puffed a bit at the unintended jab made by proxy. Her eyes sending a miffed signal to her converser.
"Because secondly!" Felt continued smiling and gestured with her thumb at the door behind. "There'll be days without end to be all mushy and buddy-buddy as a whole to spend together. C'mon, be real. What's more important now is for him to just be him and have that moment with just those who should be there. Sword-Saint-Royal-Supporter-Knight-guy job can be put away."
Having ended her lesson with a proud air and head held high, Felt seemed satisfied and content. Hiding away her worries of things that could go wrong became easy as she spoke and by now, she might as well embrace the moment.
'Oh! I understand." Having processed the words, Rem brightly grinned and nodded. Those words seemingly having put as well some ease over worries she herself didn't know how to manage. "I can see how sir Reinhard and the rest of the Astrea family have taken so well to you. You indeed have the vision of a leader, Felt."
"Heh! Oh please! You just got swept by emotions now and don't even know what a good leader is." Stated Felt with a smug grin. She was pretty sure the oni was simply biased towards matters like these rather than the type Subaru dealt with more consistently.
"I've still got my work cut out on that."
"And ladies and gentlemen: the girl's got limits! Who would've seen it?"
Gruffly burst a tone with such a familiar sarcasm that it openly revealed who influenced Felt's sense of humor.
"Bah, look who's talking ya old timer!" Cheered Felt with a mock attitude of chiding as she sent a pillow flying at the giant's face. "Took your sweet time here. Did the rain give your old bones trouble~?"
"Kcheee… I'd wish! But the only rain troubling my bones is, ghaaaah-!"
Having entered the waiting room and making his way towards the lazy Felt, Rom suddenly froze up and directed his disproportionately large arms towards his back to wrestle whatever discomforted him.
"Never say I don't outwardly praise you Felt! GAH! 'cause you were never a pain to deal with like jungle-child here!" Jerked once his right shoulder Rom as he spoke, so that whatever hid behind his back clambered down and clumsily stepped with hops mixed in its pace along the dark parquet.
"Ah! Louis!" Hastily moved Rem to occupy herself with the amnesiac child with toothy smile. Louis, very much uncaring to her surroundings, made a beeline for the closed door directed behind the couch Felt lounged on.
"Please behave nicely. Now more so than before. Everyone's busy inside and it's not nice to disturb." Instructed with a light chide Rem once getting a hold of the blonde's hand. Taking her back along to where she previously sat, the oni started to expertly ensure the child's transparent golden blond hair would not cascade over the floor.
"How'd wild-twerp become your problems on the way here?" Snorted Felt as she made room for Rom to sit beside her.
"Oooff… The kid managed to ditch the sisters and I bumped into her on my way. Meh, more like she jumped me like an earth dragon and wouldn't stop jabbing until I arrived. Thank Od my hide's thick!" Summarized the old caretaker of his brief plight before relenting a snort at the dumb image made of him by the kid.
"She did? No way!" With an appreciative gin, Felt could be said to even acknowledge the achievement of the infantile behaving girl once learning she gave the slip to the two respectable twins. Only before considering- "Bh-… or either they intentionally let her off just to catch a break. Huh? Called it they'd hit their limit eventually!"
…
"-at-*****-br*n*-the-tra*-o*t! Grimm!"
…
Suddenly cooling the relaxed atmosphere made in defiance to a deep-seated feeling of worry, the muffled voice that undoubtedly belonged to Heinkel, by its course timbre, could be heard barking an order from behind the closed door.
"Shit!"
Felt not being one for asking around before clarifying for herself, jumped from the couch and dashed to the door.
Not lagging behind, Rem reactively sat up to make her way to the outburst, letting herself be dragged by the initial incentives of Louis to go there.
Wearily, Rom chose to stand ready if he were to be needed. Though his opinion on the matter hardly mattered, he certainly felt like pouches of gravel were sunk down his stomach.
!
"Shit! Shit! Reinhard! Press there!" Escaped the voice as the door unlocked.
"Subaru! Look at me! Look at me!" Escaped along what had to be Reinhard's voice.
With the door silently opening in contrast to the storm behind: an elderly man of slim frame but firm stature made his way out. Grimm Fauzen swiftly made an appearance to retrieve from the room's tables a pristine and empty silver tray, typically meant to be placed upon various delicacies. The strange search and retrieval of object, coming of as random, having been met: the butler spoke no words upon deftly grasping the shining tray and returning to the chamber.
Looking at the few gathered before he closing the door, he rapidly placated their intent to enter by gesturing them to stay calm.
The door closed back with a click.
"The fuck was that?!" Screwing staying calm while she was in reach, Felt approached the door.
"Felt, stay put. You know the lad warned us this could be ugly." Rom didn't mince words as his giant palm partly blocked the blonde's path.
"Not this ugly!"
"I insist we enter. Help may be needed, and Rem will provide whatever appropriate with healing magic." Came Rem's decision of the problem.
"Healing magic? Healing for what?!" Felt was stumped. The confusion washed over her like a cold shower. Subaru never mentioned need for healing in his plan.
"I believe it to be required based on past experience. Pleas-"
"Hold it everyone! And stay calm." Rom declared, falling unto him the role of voice of reason. "If this was planned, then the lad must've taken in account what he'd have to prepare. He warned things could play shitty and by hearing whatever little we could, they were more preoccupied in helping along as agreed." Puffing out a deep sigh, the giant lightly distanced himself from the chamber's entrance.
"That and I don't think it'll do any good to distract the workers if we barge in, me especially."
Exchanging glances with Grimm the moment earlier was enough of an indication that he was still being wearily supervised.
"What the fuck?! Hold on! What the hell was there to prepare? Big bro said he'd lift the curse and that was it, right? 'Could get ugly', how?" Things were starting to really piss her off the more confusion accumulated.
"From what I've been told and come to see." Garnered Rem the attention of the small group. Louis still agitated in her arms as she pulled to make a run for the door. "Subaru's magic is very dangerous since his gate was broken. I've seen it leading at times to earning himself injuries because of it."
"His gate is… Wait, wha-…? Then, why is he doing this…?" Only further confused then satisfied with the answer, Felt just experienced the sensation of having ice roll down her back.
It was as if déjà vu. Like hearing Reinhard all over again explaining his condition.
It made no sense to her.
It was simply inane, she'd explain to herself!
The meanings of such an ill condition entailed risks of sharing a picnic with death or at best severe repercussions.
Felt was dizzy.
On one hand, sure, it was fucking incredible! Having Reinhard's mother freed of her curse would have been the greatest thing to happen to her knight! They'd celebrate! Make up for all the lost time! Bond all over again! Shit, with her newfound influence he can start living guilt-free!
And on the other hand.
She had no clue what was the price required to obtain that happiness.
Momentary pain? Subaru would brush it as something to forget by tomorrow.
Experience drawbacks to lifting a curse? He'd probably call it a cheap deal.
Aggravating a broken gate; exchange a life with another? Yeah… he'd still do that.
…
…
"Felt?" Called the old giant to her.
"I'm fine."
As the old grandfather stood beside her, the reckless brother acted before her as he saw fit.
The night outside was impenetrable. The dull groan of surrounding trees from the garden slipped its way through the tall windows.
The soft pitter-patter of rain droplets by the glass was calming.
From outside, the single lit window of the occupied great room revealed two silhouettes that wore nigh identical clothing hunched over a table, illuminated above. A white knight overcoat was neatly folded over an empty chair.
…
…
…
Felt put one foot before the other in a confident way. Easy and steady. No sound, no creak of the floorboards.
Looking before her at the 'prize' she couldn't help but pat herself on the back for having mastered the skills of a thief so thoroughly. The half open set of double doors before her bled a cozy light from the interior. Very faint traces of shapes appeared as passing lines of degrade in the casted light.
Felt begrudgingly had to frequent the blasted great room since entering the race for the crown. But it never got anymore pleasant to tread this hall for the Astrea mansion's library and receive Reinhard's boring lessons.
But of course though! That would be the place out of all in this fucking mansion these rats would scurry to! It was almost as if they ostentatiously tried to repel her with it!
And she would've sure as hell have had a lot better time sneaking there if she were creeping up on anyone else!
But she had her work cut out for her.
Getting closer and closer, the ex-thief pressed her small frame against the end of the door nearest to her. Her ears perked and her attention sharp, Felt inclined herself to comfortably listen.
…
…
…
"Maaahh~! Thanks for the patch-up. Couldn't have done it without ya!" Enthusiastically thanked Subaru once his forearms were all tidy and coated in comfortable layers of pure white. "I must've burned through your entire reserves of handle wraps, huh? That has to amount to some big deal if you consider this house's history. But if you're up for it, how about we go some day to restock while we're all still here?"
Speaking with cheer, the black-haired man took a contemplative look at the nifty way his friend improvised for making coverage to his recently aggravated forearms.
"Maybe go buy some flowers while at we're at it? Sure could be a nice gift to bring back."
"Hmn! The sound of it alone is pleasant. If you find it within yourself to remain a little longer, I am more than certain we can do all of those things and more." Reinhard put away the scissors, leftover tinctures and bundles of white fabric in their respective box over the table, and leaned in his chair.
Smiling all the while, his vivid-blue eyes roamed over the hardback cover of books stacked upon each other. The library had just their table lit by a pyroxene crystal set above them.
Long shadows stretched from them respectively in accordance to the light's reach.
"Staying for a little longer, huh…?" Repeated Subaru in sync with his flexing fingers.
"You would do me an honor. That and maybe…" Reinhard's gaze fell over his 'work'. Perfectly done. Paying close attention, his eyes could observe a hint of shade creeping between a few wrinkles. That shade gained steadily a color against the pristine material.
"We could enjoy some well-earned time off. I don't recall you staying much in one place at all the past months since Priestella." His idea was welcoming as ever.
"Ah! Time off. …Think we'd have it?" Flinched Subaru at a passing thought. That idea in specific ate at him.
"But of course!" Reinhard's expression was surreal. Subaru couldn't blame the red-haired knight, the guy must've been in cloud nine. The smile he wore until now was the genuine thing. Through and through, proving not to sway the entire day since they left the chamber.
"I can hardly see how we couldn't. By your summary, Priestella should be already healed. And with Vollachia no longer maintaining tensions, we should enjoy these days!"
"Ah…"
Subaru nodded with an unsure expression. It was really novel to see Reinhard this open.
'True,' thought Subaru with a warbly smirk and half lidded eyes. 'He may still speak like a classic knight from books, but, it's certainly better'.
"Now you're starting to speak my language! Thought I'd never get through to you. Ok then, let me think of something fun that would appeal to Felt as well. The opportunity really is rare." Rubbed the knight of Emilia his chin in thought. Getting a good feel of the course fabrics of the bandages across his face's skin.
"Subaru…" Altered slightly Reinhard's mien. He still looked merry, but an undertone of seriousness leaked through his tone. "Could you please," gently pointed the strongest knight with a finger's touch the now disinfected arms of Natsuki. "Elaborate now? I would be more at ease if I knew the details." Reinhard looked stone still at Subaru's eyes.
"Please."
"Uuh-"
"?"
Before getting a chance to reply, Natsuki looked down upon feeling the rustle of fabric against his waist.
Making a face that fit more to a night out cold-dead drunk in a pub, he stiffly shifted himself so as to begrudgingly give Louis space in the armchair.
The damned monster in disguise of a child stayed stuck to him ever since he and Reinhard furtively left after the tearful reunion between child and mother. That reunion span for some good few cathartic hours. Heavy hours he won't think into detail just yet.
But apparently just as distracted as Subaru got, Reinhard also replied to the rustle.
"If you will of me, I would dispose of the cultist at once." Rein's hand tellingly choreographed its reach to the sheathed sword propped by the table.
"Heh!" Smiled Subaru with a certain relief in his expression. "If only I would've heard you say that before meeting Vincent. Keeping a low profile with 'just a kid' back then felt maddening enough on its own. Who there would've believed me for what she was, Rem included?" Snickered the tarnished knight. "But by now? …"
His stare fell over the inattentive, savage of a girl at his waist. She mindlessly began to doze off with her arms tightly held around him, knowing no better of the two that debated her life above her.
"By now… it's meaningless." Dejectedly relented Subaru. "No better than a new-born. A blank slate."
"Mhh… I still continue to dislike how she has seemingly escaped all responsibility by somehow undergoing this 'rebirth'." Reinhard's face was stoic as he spoke of the ex-archbishop. "Are we certain she hadn't planned that in order to sidestep all the crimes committed?"
"Trust me, no matter how prepared you could've been, nothing staged could have matched the chaos that took place in Od Lagna."
"…It doesn't matter how many times I hear it, it still goes beyond me." Pondered out loud Reinhard as he clasped his hands over a knee. "To have gone through all of that and more after. I only feel dizzy just thinking about it." Leveling once more his stare at Subaru, the redhaired knight intoned once more.
"Exactly why because I can't even begin to grasp the events in their entirety: Firstly, thank you for being you and having delivered everyone safe, and more." The implied people beyond the tower and foreign country did not fail to make themselves understood in how it included his family members. "But secondly, Subaru, what was it you did to awaken mother? I've seen glimpses of action with Invisible Providence and heard you explain Cor Leonis to me. Yet…"
"Mhn, to get at it in order: For those thanks, you might want to hold on to. All I did, not much in comparison, was all due to the company I was with. And as for your latter confusion, guess I haven't been fully transparent with you about the plan, have I?"
Subaru rubbed his chin with a hand, averting his gaze to the side. He sounded somewhat amused about his last words. Like not entirely regretful of having done so.
And that, made Reinhard feel miserable.
"…"
"…"
Why was he feeling gratified for having kept things ambiguous? What was the meaning of that expression?
Reinhard's eyes finally admitted the truth of the world to him. And he stopped denying his illusions by fully observing the details of the friend before him.
"…"
"…"
His face was looking sickly, boney. His cheeks sunk in a little more than usual, revealing better the protrusion of his cheekbones against his skin. Though he was sure Subaru at least didn't turn down eating since arriving at his home.
His lips came across as dry. Although having chugged down liters of water after caching a break today.
His eyes looked observably more tired and bloodshot. The dark circles blooming around his eyes caused an impression of slightly hued skin. ...But he was sure Natsuki slept after all the exhaustion.
His body, telling by his exposed arms, looked almost a size thinner.
Last he parted with Subaru at the Watergate city, Reinhard recalled the surprising gain of musculature earned in the span of a year by his friend's efforts.
Now?
He looked almost dehydrated for an entire day and maybe then some. The stringy fibers could be seen coiling in tune with his movements beneath the skin. And the black, tarnished, traces of Dragon-blood over his right arm in the shape of veins further made Reinhard physically shudder.
His jaw clenched. And his breath was taken in conscience measures.
Looking at Subaru, he felt-
"You'll let me down like this?"
Snarky. Amused. Jokingly, came the question from Natsuki. The black knight having not wavered his own stare, much like Reinhard, supported an arm over the table and gave a smile.
"Here I am celebrating the moment of definite good we're in, 'cause tomorrow we'll meet a great day, and you're sulking? 'Cmon! Unless you're sulking out of happiness, in which case: I retract my earlier phrase!"
The smirk leveled at him was telling him to suck it up and get over it. To not mind it. That it was alright, whatever it might've been.
However, guiding him so bluntly to gulp down these regrets and bottle this specific worry, was certainly cruel.
"You, really are cruel, Subaru," Reinhard's smile became faint. His eyes became moist and his demeanor came off as slightly burdened.
"Huh? What do you mean?" Subaru still smiled uncaringly.
"You berated me, you know?"
"I did? Heh~! Well, I do that to mostly everyone, so, it hardly matters I'd say." He was feeling too good to be touched by Reinhard's sad tone.
"You told me to voice my worries."
"Mhm. And, now that you've done that, we can earnestly move on. Now that everything's alright."
"You say… it's all alright?" Reinhard's tone came off as lost.
"Exactly. We haven't been through this just to cry off in a corner now, have we?" Subaru was just as upbeat when speaking.
"Been through. How-?"
"Because everyone is safe and together. Ready to enjoy tomorrow leisurely!" Subaru clapped his hands over the table and spoke without missing a beat. No room to second-guess his reply. "What else could you possibly wa-"
"How could you be such a hypocrite?!"
"…"
…
Obviously, Subaru's breath was caught in his lungs when seeing the outburst that possessed Reinhard.
He never saw him express so outwardly emotion.
…
"How could you tell me this? How can you think such things? With that look in your eyes!"
…
Squinting just a smidgen just to physically enforce his point, the approaching-to-gaunt face looked back onto Reinhard. And the redhaired knight saw those eyes for what they were.
Despite the spirited tone of voice, the vigorous body language, the appealing words spoken: that look was desolate.
Heavy, and hardly able to be called relieved.
By sheer comparison, he could almost not believe those were the same orbs that once gazed at him, when proclaiming how he'd be covered and made up for all of his shortcomings and flaws before marching off against Greed. For the first time having been granted the luxury of human fallibility and safety of reliance on another. Those things were offered by the one bearing those now laden eyes.
Those same eyes were hardly housing a spark in them. And to see something so hollow on such a cheerful expression was purely wrong.
And the source of the kindled frailty still struggling in those bloodshot depths? He was afraid to question if it was gained only after having successfully woken his mother from the Sleeping Beauty's curse.
"Mn-hk…" Subaru's nearly mute grumbles left his parched lips at the accusations. "R-Reinhard-"
"Does this look alright to your standards?" Pointed the redhaired knight at the rugged self of Subaru. "You said to be transparent with my worries. And this is one of them!"
"Reinhard, what of it? I mean, I admit, alright? It's not a nice look and all, ok, children might run away crying from seeing it. But it paid off." Even now, Subaru smiled.
He smiled. Straight in his friend's face.
"'What of it'…? Subaru, you jest. I-" Reinhard fell in a momentary loss of words. He couldn't make proper ends or tails of this argument.
"Heinkel looked high and low for cures. Felix's healing magic couldn't interact with this illness. And getting your hands on Dragon-blood is basically suicide unless you get as lucky as I got to have such an incredible group to achieve it. This much is perfectly in lin-"
"I presume that by now I'll have to settle for the other's explanations of the events if you will not even admit to your own efforts played in them." Dejectedly intervened Reinhard with a detectable disapproving tone.
"…"
"Please, Subaru. Tell me the truth."
"…"
"…"
…
…
A little ways away, Felt remained quite like a mouse.
She could feel her bones turning to ice as she continued to listen in on the two knights. She had yet to get a good glance on them. Hopeful that Reinhard would be too absorbed in the discussion to pay enough attention with his stupid blessings to pick up on her presence.
Judging by the tone of the conversation, it was anything but light.
And knowing all too well how her idiot knight: he would be the one to have sneaked away the dumb brother she saw in Subaru the second the overjoyed moment of Louanna's awakening was lived through by the Astrea family. She had no clue of the consequences they debated.
One was alarmed by it.
One was content with it.
Feeling her heartbeat accelerate the more she heard, Felt was in such a delicate situation that she didn't know whether a slight breath out of pace would reveal her intrusion. The blood speeding through her veins made a noise that by now she could not ignore, could that be heard? The sweat gathering at her brow would inevitably drip on the floor. Would that alert them? Her teeth lost control and could soon clatter. Would that mark the end of getting answers?
Felt was steadfast to understand.
She didn't budge while still listening in.
…
…
"Alright." Subaru relented. "I'll explain a bit."
"A bit?" Came Reinhard's understandable indignation.
It was obvious. Subaru could be having his back broken by whatever weight hang upon him, yet he'd admit nothing to others. Purely from the principle of denying himself to burden those 'others' that surrounded him.
'How inane,' thought Reinhard with disbelief. To see such a thing unravel before him from Subaru of all people.
Such a twisted form of pride.
"I call this one, 『Ladon』." Began Subaru after scratching his head, smoothly after leaving his hand to rest his chin on. His elbow supported by the table.
"Alike to 『Cor Leonis』 and 『Invisible Providence』?"
"Yes." It understandably came in difficult for Subaru to mention how he basically used Witch Factors. The very same thing used by the monsters that previously held and made use of them in the most horrendous ways, causing him and everyone else only tragedies, was now freely swimming inside him.
"Well, with this magic I can enforce my will upon others. That includes their magic too, be it spirits, people or mabeasts." Taking a pause, Subaru looked over the top shelves of the library. He wasn't dumb enough to think telling Reinhard a good lie would do the job. So instead he settled that in order to avoid his lie detection blessing he'd simply omit the details and speak facts that had convenient synonyms for his advantage. It was truthful! Just not the entire story. "If it's small stuff it's ok and barely counts as a problem. Maybe I get dizzy or feel more tired than usual after use, but alright by the end. Well, when it comes to things like taming witchbeast, forcing contracts or the general wellbeing of people, it's not an easy boat to sail."
"Not easy… how?"
"…"
As things stood, Subaru's authority of gluttony was nothing more and nothing less than his denial of the sin itself and its functionally crucial facet. Though perhaps the desired revelation would be to accept it as part of himself; as some higher power would claim; he went very much against it.
Denying such a vital sin. Denying such a life sustaining need, as Daphne once put it, it now served the means to express itself as will denying the course of nature for Subaru.
Him starving was only to be expected if he were to deny himself its indulgent embrace to reach saturation.
Thus, his will expressed over the natural order as an overzealous temperance. And as it is with all things: Too much of anything, be it good or bad, ultimately leads only to worse.
And the grater the effort, the grater the hunger. And the grater the hunger, the greater the consequences.
Like work dedicated to reach achievement, so in turn it would expect compensation to regain its spent strength.
Only for it to be denied such mercy by his own hands!
Certainly, cruel.
A cruelty bared only by him.
A cruelty fashioned by him, for himself.
As such, it was no surprise to Subaru that his frame waned and lightened. That his wounds reopened. That his vision blurred. That his bones ached. That the fever hit. That… everything felt terrible all over.
His thoughts wouldn't stop and wouldn't clear.
The delusions wouldn't end and only aggravated.
And the nightmares would even at times of peace invade reality at the corners of his vision, very, very, oh so gently. Gleefully announcing themselves with exuberance how they wait for him and for the night, to once again play prey and hunter like never before.
Certainly, a twisted power fitting of a twisted name.
『Invisible Providence』: he begrudgingly had to come to terms with it, and the reality that sacrifices beyond his own flesh and soul had to be made in order to invoke in full. He could maybe live with that. Parting with his ideal white seemed as inevitable as it felt guilty.
『Cor Leonis』: there was nothing to regret about it. Once nothing but a shit-stain in the hands of another; a power for the weak; was now a power for the strong and ennobled into something admirable. He'd treasure this facet forever.
『Ladon』: adequately named after the numerous narrations read since young… Was useful. No question asked. And he'd keep it this way. After all, for better or for worse, it was a key piece to having tricked in a challenge Cecilus. Consuming but all the while not accepting the sustenance, merely 'clenching his jaws' if it could be said. Subaru danced just long enough with death to win the bet thanks to it. To earn that battle junkie's complete fidelity, a little show of considerable force was demanded as proof that Lugnica's legendary figure of a mysterious knight stood before him. Those lies still troubled Subaru.
But now wasn't the time to doze off in memory land!
"Since Louanna was under a curse, my interference is still over her overall wellbeing, for her benefit or not. And since the curse was kindred to what befell the victims of the Gluttonies, it's easy to realize that it doesn't spell out: simple. So… what you see is just the counter balance. Not terrible in reality if we're serious."
"Not terrible? Subaru, look at yourself!" Nearly yelled the man Natsuki came to befriend since his beginnings in this world. "Your arms were first. But then nearly your entire body bled! How is that alright!" Made the saint reference to hours ago when Subaru nearly crumpled like bloody rags on the floor the moment his mother fluttered her eyes open.
"Exactly, Rein." Calling so to the redhead seemed to have calmed him. "Exactly why it's alright. Louanna was for years in slumber. And I? I got off a little worse for wear. It's not like I'm permanently set like this, so be calm. I'll be back to normal after some rest and food. You understand?"
The gentle way of speaking almost set Reinhard's panic to rest.
"I don't…" The knight mumbled. "I don't understand."
Reinhard raised from his chair and took two steps to stand before the Subaru that leaned on the backrest. "If. If this truly was the only way. Then, I can understand. I like to believe myself capable of understanding such prices when required. Indifferent of preference. But what I can't, no; what I don't want to understand; is why did you not even consider letting me help?"
"Rein?"
"You told me yourself, did you not, Subaru?" Reinhard lowered his gaze to the floor. His boots glinted off their surface faint rays casted by the pyroxene crystal above their table. "That you, with 『Cor Leonis』… So why-"
His sad tone fell like lead weight over the mood.
"Haah…" Giving off a heavy sigh, Subaru made a small effort to pry off the now asleep Louis of his waist and got up to meet his friend's turbulent look. "Probably. Actually, you're right. I could have done that, but: Rein, I'm nothing close to you. Nothing close enough that might make me admirable. So, you should expect by now, that as the greediest person ever, I don't share." Subaru slyly shrugged with a shake of the head. The hidden meanings correlated to hardship not getting lost upon hearing them by the redhead.
Patting the Saint's shoulder with one of his hands fastened in thick fabrics meant for sword training rather than bandaging, Natsuki continued to shine his manufactured smile. "That, and it wouldn't do to have you looking a complete mess when hugging your parents, would it?" His mellow words carried a different weight compared to the previous ones. More heartfelt? Maybe more in tune to what he felt.
"Subaru," the Saint hesitated. "I am… I am, incredibly happy for today! It is unbelievable. I can't even express how amazing it is. Yet the sheer debt I can never repay you in full for, also makes me feel terrible. Only worse since… Subaru," Reinhard's face, illuminated by the magic crystal set above, fully embraced the tumultuous uncertainty boiling beneath his perfectly steady visage.
"You will not tell me everything, will you?"
The illuminated face, like a pristine oil painting of unquestionably perfect elements, ideally contrasted the one drawn by shadows like coal on canvas of Subaru that sat with his back against the light source.
"Forgive me Reinhard. It's just… not something I can do as of now. And trying to explain would only make things worse." At long last, Subaru revealed a remorseful expression.
Putting pressure under the floorboards bellow, the black knight heavily trudged towards a shelf a little ways away, letting a wrapped hand peruse over the hardback covers of books.
Accompanying Natsuki, Reinhard followed his movements across the stacks of books. Approaching so as to speak, his own hand reached out towards the collection.
…
"Ma*-*-**k-***"
"I********"
…
…
…
'Are you fucking serious?!' Raged Felt within her mind as the voices, hard to listen to as they were, suddenly droned off farther away. Gritting her teeth at the annoyance that she may let slip important details past, the blonde candidate considered the option of asking Reinhard later about some clarifications.
Only to stop herself and hash off the plan, as by doing that she'd be openly admitting to having eavesdropped on them.
Although, by the sound of things, it may as well mean nothing if the context was as heavy as she perceived it to be.
Cursing the unfavorable development of conversation, Felt strained herself to listen closely. Daring to risk a little more coverage, she stealthily moved enough to peek through the open double doors and lean inside. After having waited enough and speculated by sound for the heavenly made duo of dumb-and-dumber to have moved away enough to earn herself this action, Felt locked on their silhouettes before a tall bookshelf.
Faintly, she could hear again!
Unfortunately, a few things slipped her. But this was better than nothing. And wouldn't you know it? They were having a point about her! Judging the nature in which their dialogue went about, it tipped Felt that most likely her knight had brought her into the fray.
…
…
…
"***-think?"
"Heh, thanks for worrying so much about me." Subaru once again replied with a spark of joy. "But I don't like that."
"Are you certain? You have mentioned to me that time was not a luxury granted to you in terms of combat preparations. And recent events bring to need such preparations. Why not take the time to let me help you regarding it? I can be certain Felt would not oppose the idea." Reinhard pressed on with an earnest kind of energy to his voice.
Peeking over at his waist, Subaru thumbed the waistband for where his whip should hang. Now, only the dagger having been carried at his person. The whip lay back in his room.
"It's true, I could really use some serious help to make up for the years that other knights have under the belt. Hell, I bet I'd have an easier time after a few pointers." Smiled bitterly Natsuki. "Kind of cheap, huh? No can do, Rein."
Relenting to the phantom touch of mabeast material that served well enough, Subaru had to face the hardship of pressing time and that relying only on his wits and means that accent it was all he'd hold for it.
In less than a year now the royal candidacy will reach its climax. In short, that equated to no time he could selfishly dedicate on himself. No matter how good the results, the others needed the attention more.
He just had to forge on.
No looking back now.
And, if there existed means that could help him were time wouldn't, those were off the table too. Reaching for those would be foregoing his principles.
"Wilhelm has been more than busy this entire year on every front. And he already took the time to tutor Crusch since a year back. Julius is barely holding on after the shit-show we've been through in the Augria Dunes, and I'm not that much of a piece of shit to go demand he'd help me. Al… no way I'll ask of him to stretch himself thin after everything. And as for you and Felt?"
Subaru took out a random book from the shelf and drummed his fingers over it. Looking unsatisfied upon reading its title, he returned it to were he selected it from. A snicker escaped his chapped lips.
"No way I'll make any request of Felt if it's for me purely."
Subaru held a smug attitude as he spoke and confidently waved off the option.
…
…
…
Meanwhile behind their backs a boiling calamity stared daggers.
…
…
…
"Although I am already convinced you sell yourself short and are more than capable. Subaru, may I ask why you consider Felt to be ill suited to help? I must plead to convince you: She is more than capable, as she is in full earnest probably the best ruler that could grace Lugnica!" Was Reinhard's hurried reply to the shot-down suggestion. Fearing for his friend's disapproval on the lady he served, the knight was quick to try and clear up whatever misconception existed.
"Wha-ha-hah-ha! The hell? Rein, I didn't brush away the idea because I think Felt would not be up to it! Hah-ha-ha!" Burst with a laugh the knight of Emilia. His laugh resonating with a quality unlike the ones heard since his arrival at the Astrea domain. It was peculiar by virtue of difference to what was heard before. And that quality it carried just now, described much better the feeling of honesty than any previous laugh before.
"Oh-hooh-ok… No Rein, you can cool it with the campaign advertisement, sorry if it came out wrong. But my whole point's that I'd rather you and Felt focus on your own problems, not mine."
"Once again, your reply churns revolt and worries me." Reinhard's conflicted mien spoke of how he carried no sense of encouragement to this outlook.
"Can you blame me? Heh~" Turning slightly towards the knight at his side, Subarau flashed a mischievous smirk, one meant for gloating in a specific way. "She called me 'big bro' ever since the loothouse, you know?"
"I fail to see how I could have ever missed such a detail." Equally as amused was Reinhard's affirmation.
"Exactly!" For one reason or another, Subaru couldn't quite place a finger on why he felt his neck stinging as if heated, but regardless!
"He-heh-he~" Emilia's knight took to leaning a shoulder against the frame of the bookshelf as he gave a light hum before folding his arms beneath his chest. Taking a deep breath and sporting a contemplative look, Natsuki's eyes glimmered as he recalled pleasant feelings.
"I've never had siblings. Or anyone younger and close enough to me that I'd make me some sort of reference point in their life. But, ever since Garfiel, Otto and more… hell even Ram! Things became different in a sense."
"Oh, forgive my cut in, but I was under the impression you treated lady Beatrice much like your own?" Wondered loudly the Astrea.
"Beako is Beako and she's naturally special! Maybe I spoil her too much because of that, true, but she's my partner in crime as well." Subaru explained with a proud and mighty expression as his body relaxed in a stance that transmitted how great the discussed subject was. Not even a second wasted to gloat about it. "And of course she's like my own, she's mine for keeps, duh! Just… uhm, just never tell her I said that please. Otherwise she'll think me too much of a softie and wouldn't let me live it down."
"Ha-hah-ha! I am unsure Subaru, such a task of secrecy falls heavily upon my shoulders. I fear one day I'll disappoint such expectations." Equally made Reinhard fun of the retort once hearing the condition set by his friend upon realizing how he gloated about the petite great spirit.
"Thank you for trusting me with that secret. However, please, continue your point relating to Felt earlier. I am still as curious about it."
"Right… I guess that, hearing Felt directly call me 'big bro' makes me realize just how much I want to prove myself of such faith to be valid towards everyone. And if it comes to who helps who, I want her and the others to rely on me, when needed. After all, what good are elder siblings for?" Subaru glanced sideways at the attentive knight from whom a blooming, conflicted, smile took shape.
"In short! I'd rather throw myself of a cliff than go and ask Felt or anyone else for help!" Cheerfully concluded Subaru with a morbid note that was impossible to just be so outwardly ok with, but too replete by his happy aura to immediately question.
"Saying s*******"
"********"
…
…
…
Noise.
White noise filled Felt's ears as she swiftly, almost clumsily, escaped her hiding spot. She didn't even know if jutting away in a hurry to leave clued the duo on her location.
Running down the hallway in order to put as much distance as possible between her and the library, she couldn't stop the roiling waves of thoughts that alarmed her.
Everything she's heard until now was fucked!
It was so fucked up!
And of course, neither of the two idiots would pick up on that, if only minimally.
Why?
Because they were like peas in a pod!
They spoke their own language, uncaring of the surrounding reality, like foreign entities debating concepts normally revolting to humans.
They were both screwed in the head! One especially more so than the other!
And Felt didn't know what to make of it anymore.
She wouldn't thank Subaru for what he did! It was wrong. So wrong!
He unregretfully and unflinchingly admitted to treasuring or rather valuing his own miserable degradation in exchange for results, like if it were expected to praise him for doing it!
As if he expected for someone to say he did good for being like that!
In other words, Louanna's freedom was bought with blood money. Nothing different than committing something bad to earn something good. Which was completely hypocritical to Felt if Subaru ignored what he preached this seriously.
To hear him deny others help; her bones felt like soldered on spot.
It's true, Felt always knew Subaru never had the preparation a trained soldier, knight or general of the nation would have, despite him achieving such legendary feats. But to hear his open admittance to needing help but not turning to it? And out of what excuse? Some completely retarded reasoning like what she's heard?
She felt her blood boil.
Running.
Running.
This was so fucked up.
All these things were happening under their noses. And since when were they happening?! That extra problem made things worse.
This couldn't be ignored, it couldn't be! She was scared and didn't even want to sum the force to imagine what events would play if things went on like this. She lived today and possessed the ability to contend for the crown exactly because that black-haired retard from before she called brother saved her. And what if one day he'll just do the same somewhere only to end up a cadaver on a pike?! What if leaving things as is will end up in regrets?
…
So Felt was determined!
Once she'd reach her chamber, she'd not lose a single second and write as fast as she could a letter addressed to Emilia and her faction. At least one of the two letters if not both would reach someone there.
But she was certain. At least Emilia would know what to do. Someone would know something!
Thereupon making a last turn to the right of the corridor and only separated by a few more meters away from the room where she'd plan out what to do, Felt came harshly into direct contact with a weight in her path. Stopping her dead in tracks.
And the first sensation she would have tasted upon impact would have been a harsh tumble over the recently cleaned floor. If it weren't for the pair of steady hands that clasped her shoulders to keep them from hitting against another.
Quick reflexes, she noted.
"Ough-!"
Having lightly staggered backwards from the hands and experiencing a passing wave of fear at the thought of being caught by Reinhard for having eavesdropped, Felt quickly looked at the person before her with a stiff visage. The blonde's crimson eyes having been all this time fighting the urge to shed crystal clear tears had failed in doing so after the sudden relief of who came across.
"Ah! Lady Felt, please forgive my lack of care. However, such lack of care neither does it fancy your safety. Please, be more careful." Was the candid and heartwarming voice of Carol after placing a hand on her back to ensure the scared girl would be alright. "Ah! what happened to you, my lady?" Kneeling just enough to be comfortably at her eye level, the green eyes of the gentle maid peered into the agitated ruby red of the royal candidate.
Gulping in dry, Felt steeled herself.
"C-Carol…"