Author's note: I do not own anything having to do with Supernatural, only Leah belongs to me. Just a reminder SUPERNATURAL signifies a break in time. As always please remember to ~Read and Review~

So I know I said I was only going to update once a month but I made a deal with ispiltthemilk and SPNxBookworm that if they updated then I would too and as you know you can't back out of deals ;)

Huge thank you to SPNxBookworm who goes through and fixes my mistakes or questions things when I ramble too much, head on over and check out her stories.

Also can we send virtual cookies (or reviews for her stories) to ispiltthemilk who is my music guru. Seriously this girl can pick a song for any mood you may be in.

Chapter 48- Living in the Confines of Fear

I spent eighty percent of my life on the road heading from one no name town to the next, driving through countless crowded cities and down dead end streets but I never felt more at peace than when we were in the middle of no where. The land seemed to go on forever; the horizon a place we would never get to and that's when my mind would wander. It was the Winchesters against the world and nothing could bring us down. I thought back to how it used to be when it was the four of us. Dad behind the wheel, Dean riding shotgun with a content smile on his face as whatever cassette that had been shoved into the tape deck rumbled through the speakers. Sam would sit beside me with his nose usually stuck in a book getting lost in some fairy tale while I watched the trees pass us by.

Times changed though as we got older and dad bought his truck leaving just the three of us in the infamous Impala to scout out the world on our own. Glancing up at my brothers now it seemed like a different lifetime ago. There were small permanent worry lines where Dean's content smile used to be, Sam's head was no longer up in the clouds of dreams but stuck in the harsh reality of the hunting world and for me, well I was still sitting in the backseat of the Impala feeling very much like the little girl I used to be.

Life and death wasn't supposed to be something you thought about on a regular basis…even in our line of work. I had barely started living and now my time was quickly running out. Somewhere in the back of my mind I guess I knew I wouldn't live long enough to be sitting in a rocking chair with gray hair but I'd hoped to have at least a few streaks.

When the song on my iPod changed to 'The Fear' by Ben Howard I found myself thinking about my dad again. Would he have been proud of me for making the sacrifice I did for our family? Would he have been angry that I so quickly sold my soul? Would he have been disappointed in me that I was now second guessing that choice? I felt like a cold hearted child, the spoiled little brat that got everything they ever wanted out of life only to turn around and bite the hand that fed them. We were brought up with very clear expectations, you watched out for each other and you took out the evil without any questions or hesitation. The world used to be a very black and white place for me. I had no problem making the hard decisions that no one else could make as long as I did what would have made my dad proud but dealing with a demon instead of taking them out like I was raised to do felt like a slap to my dad's face.

Everyone had a dream when they were little, some picture in their mind of what they wanted to be when they get older. You normally heard things like firefighter, doctor, or even the occasional Power Ranger but for me I couldn't remember a time I didn't want to be a hunter. I took my dad's lessons and instruction to heart, applied them to my life as best I could and held a smile on my face when I was the reason someone else got to live. It was the best of both worlds really. I got to be daddy's little girl and the girl who saved the day though lately it was getting more difficult to remember what that genuine smile felt like.

I had made peace with my decision, or so I thought I had, but as the clock ran down I found myself wanting to end it my own way instead of being torn apart by hellhounds. There had been a time when I wanted it all to end the silence of the world was more than deafening and I felt like an ant waiting to be burned by a magnifying glass. This was a different, indescribable feeling, something I've never felt or experienced. Before the thought of ending my own life was a means to an end; suicide would have finally put a stop to the pain I was feeling in my heart. But now was different, now I felt dead already. I was half tempted to take Sam up on his offer and tell him I wanted to be saved, to let him easily fall back into the big brother role of protecting his little sister yet that seemed too selfish. He and Dean both would jump at the chance to get me out of my deal but that would be carelessly putting their own lives on the line and that was a risk I wasn't willing to take. So it was up to me to paint the smile on my face, to mask my emotions and figure out what the best way to end it all would be.

I watched the world pass me by through the window of the only home I'd ever known. Dean and Sam chatted casually in the front seat though with my ear buds in I couldn't hear what they were saying until Sam turned around and hit me on the knee.

"Huh?" I questioned taking one ear bud out.

Dean glanced back in the rearview mirror, "Please, tell Samantha here that Chuck Norris would kick Jet Lee's ass."

"No way!" Sam argued. I couldn't help but laugh and shake my head as they continued before waiting to hear my response.

It was then I realized as long as they had each other they would be alright without me.

SUPERNATURAL

"I didn't think you were serious," I stated as I got out of the car and looked at the city around us.

Dean had a perma-grin on his face ever since we'd passed the 'Welcome to Atlantic City' sign.

"I'll tell you again, Dean, I don't think it's a good idea. We don't know where this money has been," Sam sighed getting out of the car but even our brother's voice of reason never fazed the big kid in the leather jacket. Apparently, Bela had paid the boys ten grand for saving her from the ghost ship. Lucky me was passed out in the backseat of the Impala so when I pulled my hands out of my pockets all that turned up was some fuzz and a spare bobby pin.

Dean snorted as he closed his door and walked around to where Sam and I were standing on the sidewalk, "Nope, we don't but I know where it's going."

I bit my bottom lip and looked up at him through my lashes, "You know…it really wouldn't be fair to leave me all alone in this big city with no money."

"Here," Dean slapped a twenty dollar bill in my hand, "You can get dollar menu food and still have change left to make one of those penny souvenirs."

"Ha ha," I mocked, holding my hand out for more money but Dean didn't budge. "You can't be serious?!"

He crossed his arms over his chest and I mirrored his actions, "Leah, with this amount of money you'd come back in the morning with something pierced, something tattooed, married, arrested, or all of the above." I opened my mouth to argue but closed it again when I realized there really was a good possibility. "Exactly," he nodded as he tossed the car keys to Sam, "Now go find a room for the night and I'll see you two in the morning I'm going to see how many lap dances this will get me."

"I hope you catch something!" I yelled after him as he walked away and waved off my comment. Well, that went well. The little light bulb went off in my head and I turned to Sam with my best innocent smile on my face. "C'mon Sammy, let's go," I linked my arm with his and started walking down the sidewalk.

I heard him let out a long breath, "Where we going? We should be looking for a room so when he stumbles back later he'll have somewhere to sleep it off."

"You are going to buy your favorite sister a drink," I smirked pointing to the bar that was at the corner.

"You're my only sister," Sam corrected as he opened the door to let me walk in first. I shrugged and rolled my eyes, details. I paused for a minute in the doorway when I saw the type of crowd that was in there. "What're you waiting for?"

"Hold on," I peeled the tape from my nose and tried to hide the grimace as it pulled at my skin. Once the tape was gone I took the little metal thing off and shoved it in my pocket. "Much better."

Cue Sam's bitch face in three, two, one. "Leah, you're supposed to keep that on for another week!"

"Umm…yeah…I'm not going in there wearing that thing," I shoved his shoulder playfully, "Who knows maybe you'll just need to get a room for you and Dean."

Sam rolled his eyes and reopened the door for me, "not likely."

The bar was surprisingly busy for this early in the night and the blaring music made it easier for me to force the smile I had been wearing for some time now. There was a makeshift dance floor off to the left where a few couple were dancing together as if they were trying out for the movie Dirty Dancing. A chuckle caught in my throat, 'no one puts baby in the corner', ran through my mind and I could see Dean saying that about the Impala. Oh, the priorities of my eldest brother. A man with the most piercing blue eyes I'd ever seen caught my attention and a smirk broke out across my face but before I got to take a step in his direction Sam came up behind me.

"Found us a spot at the bar," he ushered me away from Mr. Dreamy with a hand on my back.

"You're no fun," I pouted, sitting down on the available stool.

Sam smiled a bit and ordered us a couple of beers from the bartender, "You said you wanted a drink."

I looked from the beer bottle in front of me, to Sam's face, and back to the beer bottle again. "This," I picked it up and drank half of it before setting it back on the bar. "This is like water. We should have fun tonight. Let loose a little. Drink something other than…this," I swallowed the rest of my beer and set my empty bottle next to Sam's full one. "C'mon Sammy, when's the last time we got drunk together?"

"Uh, you had a black eye the next morning," Sam reminded leaning over in his stool so I could hear him over the music.

"Fine," I huffed taking the twenty Dean gave me and slapping it on the bar, "I'll get my own drinks."

Sam raised an eyebrow and sipped on his beer, "You're going to get drunk off of twenty bucks?"

"Yup," I nodded. "See all I have to do is this," I pulled my under shirt down a bit and took my hair out of its pony tail letting it fall over my shoulders then buttoned my outer shirt halfway so it accentuated my bust. "Then I give him," I motioned to Mr. Dreamy who was sitting with his group on the other end of the bar. "The Winchester smirk…run my tongue along my bottom lip…"

"Alright," Sam cut me off as he scrunched his face in disgust and shook his head. "I don't need to hear that."

I shrugged and tried to get the bartender's attention to order something other than a beer. "You asked."

"So, if I drink with you…you'll fix yourself and pull your hair back up?" Sam questioned hopefully. With a sigh I unbuttoned my outer shirt and pulled the back of my under shirt so it wasn't so low in the front and then rolled my eyes as I pulled my hair back. "Alright," Sam nodded and ordered two whiskeys. "That was easier than I thought."

"You know me, Sammy, I'm all for making deals." The sarcastic comment came out before I even processed what I was saying.

Sam froze with his glass halfway to his lips. "Le…"

"No, don't," I stopped him quickly. This was supposed to be a fun night of drinking with my best friend, drowning my sorrows in the bottom of a glass, not talking about my deal…again. I needed to get drunk and just forget everything for a little while. "Why don't we try the boot?" I pointed to the special that mixed fifteen different liquors in a real cowboy boot.

Sam looked like he was ready to press on with our discussion but at the last minute he let out a long breath, "Let's just stick to whiskey."

That was three hours ago and we stayed with the whiskey until he finally gave in. Sam could be a real stick in the mud sometimes but get a little liquor in him and he'd do just about anything. A small group of people gathered around us as we each ordered a boot and a bell was rung behind the bar.

"Whoever finishes it first is the winner and it will be on the house," the bartender placed a cowboy boot filled with liquor in front of each of us.

Ew. It was in a real boot but I didn't linger on that thought long as the stool felt like it was swaying beneath me.

"Howdy, partner," Sam raised his boot in a cheers fashion before winking at the girl that was sitting next to him. "Save a horse; ride a cowboy." Good job, Sammy, you officially sound like Dean.

"On the count of three," the bartender announced before the whole bar started counting down. "One…two…three!"

I put my lips to the back of the boot and let the repulsive tasting liquid slide down my throat warming me from my core. When the last bit dripped into my mouth I slammed the boot back on the bar two seconds before Sam. "Yippee Kiy Yay, mother fucker!"

SUPERNATURAL

I woke up the next morning to someone poking me in the shoulder. I groaned and tried to roll over in the most uncomfortable bed I'd ever slept on. "Go away."

The poking stopped and just as I was about to fall back to sleep someone pulled on my leg hard enough so that I slid down the bed and into a sitting position. When I finally opened my eyes I was surprised to say the least that I was staring into my eldest brother's eyes and not at some random guy who had taken me home last night. That's when I looked around and realized that my not-so-comfortable bed I thought I was sleeping on was, in fact, the hood of the Impala. Well, now I understand the look on his face and my stiff neck.

"What the hell are you doing?!" Dean hollered and I winced as his voice reverberated in my skull. "You couldn't even make it in the car?" He ran a hand lovingly over where I had just been sleeping. "You better not have scratched her!"

I didn't even have the energy to roll my eyes as I rubbed a hand over my face forgetting for a minute about my nose. "Ow," I yelped in surprise dropping my hand.

Dean raised an eyebrow at me as he walked back to stand in front of me. "See, this is why I didn't want you to go off on your own last night. Do you realize how lucky you are that I found you and not some perv? Or, you know, a cop 'cause being charged with drunk and disorderly or as a public nuisance would have really been a great way to end the night. One of these days you'll listen to me."

"Don't hold your breath," I mumbled as I accepted his outstretched hand to pull me to my feet. Last night was hazy at best but I was like ninety percent sure I hadn't gone off alone. "Uh…Dean?"

"Hmm?" he grunted, keeping his hand on my elbow until he was certain I could stand without falling over.

"Where's Sam?" I questioned trying to rack my brain but it was no use. I didn't even remember how I ended up on the hood of the Impala.

Dean shrugged and I saw a look of concern wash over his face, "Last time I saw him you two were right here."

Oh, great, I thought as I pulled out my cell phone, I lost my brother. I scrolled down to 'Tall one' in my contacts and hit send. It rang a few times before Dean nudged me forward hearing Sam's phone ringing. I looked around trying to pick out where the call was coming from and when we found him I had to bit my bottom lip so I wouldn't bust out laughing. There was Sam straddling one of those long concrete slabs that are in front of a parking spot. His head resting on one of his arms, still totally and completely passed out.

Dean crouched down next to him and poked him in the shoulder but when he got no response he flicked him on the side of the head. "Sam…Sam!"

"What?" he groaned as he woke up and blinked a few times to focus his vision and that's when I saw it.

"You got your ear pierced?!" I couldn't help the volume of my voice and we both winced at the sound.

Dean helped Sam to his feet and turned his head to the side revealing a small silver stud in his left ear. He patted him on the cheek, "Cute." I quickly patted myself down praying I hadn't gotten anything pierced and sighed in relief when I didn't have anymore holes than what I'd started with. "I expected it out of Le but…" Dean trailed off as he shook his head and started walking back to the car. "Sammy, I've got to say it's like having two little sisters. What did you two do last night?"

"I…well…see…" I stammered trying to find the right words but I couldn't find any. "Honestly?" Dean nodded curtly. "Last thing I remember was drinking out of a cowboy boot."

"Come again?" Dean stopped in his tracks to give me a look I wasn't quite able to read.

Sam grimaced, "That was disgusting. There was this boot…"

Sam continued to explain to Dean about the 'special' at the bar and all of the different liquors that was in it but I had tuned him out. Last night, drinking it was one thing, hearing about it the next day made my stomach churn. I shoved my hands in my jacket pockets to keep my hands warm when I felt a piece of paper crumbled up in the corner. I pulled it out and found it was a receipt for one piercing and one…no. "No, no, no, no."

"What?" Dean and Sam turned to see me standing there staring at the receipt in my hand. "You look like you saw a rat," Dean teased with a smirk, "What did someone give you a picture of one or something?"

"Uh…" I trialed off, my hands becoming sweaty with nerves. What in everything holy was going on?

Sam took a step closer and put his hand on my back, "Okay, you're officially starting to freak us out. What's going on?"

"Well…it's a receipt from last night," I started unsure of what their reactions were going to be. I still wasn't sure if I'd even processed it yet.

"Okay," Dean drew the word out just as confused as he was a couple of seconds ago. "So, what? You buy something you shouldn't have?"

"Something like that," I muttered handing the small white paper over to Sam. I saw him read it, glance over to me, and reread it. He then opened and closed his mouth a few times before silently handing it back to me. "My feelings exactly, bro."

Dean snatched it out of my hand, "It can't be that bad." I saw him read it over and glared at Sam before his eyes floated over to meet mine. "Which one of you?"

Sam and I looked at each other and shrugged. With a sigh I spoke up, "Well, Sam got his ear pierced so I'm guessing it might be me…"

"What did I tell you!?" Dean exploded and I felt like the little kid being scolded for crossing the street without holding a parent's hand. "Did I not tell you that with that amount of money in a town like this you would come back pierced, tattooed, married, or arrested?!"

I raised my left hand and showed him my bare ring finger hoping to calm him down a bit, "I'm not married…and I didn't get arrested." Think positive, right, or some crap like that.

"No, you just got a tattoo!" Dean yelled, shoving the receipt under my nose as if I hadn't read it already.

I watched as Sam was taking the earring out of his ear and I immediately went on the defense. "We don't know that! It says one piercing and one tattoo. It could both be for Sam!"

"Then why was the receipt in your pocket?!"

"I don't know! Why did Sam get his ear pierced?!" I screamed back ignoring the pounding in my head.

Dean growled in Sam's direction for not helping him out before he turned back to me, "Yeah and it was on your bucket list."

The words felt more like a punch to the gut than his fist ever would, not that he had ever punched me besides training, but I stood there for a minute and swallowed the lump that started to form in my throat. I don't even know where I was going but I knew I needed to get away from him for at least a few minutes so I pushed past him and started down the sidewalk.

"Dean," I heard Sam start to speak up but I wasn't waiting around to hear what was said.

Instead I found the closest restaurant and went directly into the bathroom. I checked under the stalls to make sure I was alone before I locked the main door and stood in front of the mirror. I started by taking off my jacket, then my over shirt and finally my undershirt leaving me standing in front of the mirror with just my jeans and a bra on. Both arms were clear as well as my chest and stomach. With a deep breath I turned around hoping that by some miracle nothing would be there but I wasn't that lucky. On the back of my left shoulder blade there was a tattoo of a headstone with the letters R.I.P. written in the middle and the grim reaper leaning against it.

Even in my inebriated state I still had death on my mind and that confirmed my previous thought. I couldn't wait a year, I was dead already, might as well die on my own terms not a demons.

SUPERNATURAL- Four days later

I prayed to whoever was up there, God…Gods…the almighty panda…whoever, that we would find this vampire soon, running after it was harder than I expected. I should have worn sneakers but no I was in my boots. We'd been following a sloppy trail of bodies for six blocks now and every time we were too late.

Just as we turned down the alley we saw yet another body lying halfway behind a dumpster. I almost growled in frustration until I saw him breathing, bleeding horribly from the side of his neck where he'd been bitten, but breathing and conscious.

"Hey, hey don't worry. We're gonna call you some help, okay?" Sam assured crouching down next to the poor man putting pressure on his wound while Dean pulled out his cell phone.

Shit, if he's still alive then she can't be far. I lightly kick the man's foot to get his attention. "Where is she?" He moaned a little but didn't give me an answer. "Where'd she go?!"

At my outburst he slowly raised his hand and pointed down the alley. I adjusted the grip on my machete and took off in the direction he pointed disregarding the calls from my brothers to stay put. Ever since Atlantic City things between the three of us has been rocky at best and I actually had to fight Dean about me coming with them on this hunt. He was going on about how my head wasn't in the game, that I could get seriously hurt, and about ten minutes of other warnings that I just as easily tuned out.

When I got to the end of the alley I was met with a crossroads. If I picked the wrong one the vamp would be gone so I did the only other thing I could think of at the time. I rolled my sleeve up and slid the machete over my arm drawing a thick line of blood trying hard to ignore the feeling of release that it gave me.

"Smell that bitch," I called out raising my arm in the air fighting the urge to make another cut on my arm. Before I got the chance to a blonde chick came out from the side of a building her chin covered in dried blood from her previous victims. "That's right, bitch, c'mon I taste ever better than I smell." She took a couple steps closer but no where close enough to where I needed her to be so I dropped my machete on the ground. "Free dinner, sweetheart, come and get it."

Once the immediate threat was gone she lunged at me with her teeth bared aiming for my neck. I heard Dean yell out my name in fear, felt her breath dance across my skin, and I jabbed the syringe into her neck that was filled with dead man's blood all in the matter of a few seconds. She convulsed a bit before falling to my feet unconscious.

"What the hell was that?!" Dean demanded pulling a rag from his back pocket and wrapping it around my arm that hadn't stopped bleeding.

I shrugged keeping my gaze on the dumb blonde vamp, "Worked, didn't it?"

"You cut it a little close there, Le," Sam sighed, gently pushing my chin to the side so he could make sure she hadn't broken the skin.

"That's what the vervain was for," I replied as I pulled away from both of them and picked up my forgotten machete. The adrenaline still rolling through my veins giving me the strength I needed to get through the day.

Dean looked to Sam and then back to me, "Ver-what?"

"Lore says it's poisonous to vamps, kind of like dead man's blood, but this way if they drink your blood they become paralyzed and die," I explained, putting more pressure than necessary on the my arm and soaking in the pain it was shooting through me. "It's an herb I took before we came out tonight."

"Purple haze is an herb too are you sure you didn't take any of that recently?" Dean snarled, the little vein in his forehead making its appearance. Go ahead and make jokes big brother but you weren't complaining when I made you brownies.

I rolled my eyes, "Take a chill pill, gramps, you're going to give yourself a heart attack. You might want to get her back in the car so we can find out where her nest is."

Dean stared me down for a minute and while muttering obscenities under his breath he hoisted the vamp off the ground and started making his way back down the alley.

"Hey," Sam caught my elbow before I could follow Dean, "what would have happened if that stuff didn't work and you got bit. It could have been just another myth like garlic."

"Well," I held up my machete with a strained smile, "That's what this is for." He looked at me like I had just told him I was about to jump off the nearest bridge. Don't worry, Sam, drowning wasn't what I had planned. "Sorry, I know it's not what you wanted to hear."

I started walking in the direction of the car, aware of the fact that Sam wasn't following but I was still close enough to hear him sigh, "The truth is always worth hearing."

The ride back to our motel room was filled with so much tension it was almost hard for me to breathe. The adrenaline was quickly wearing off as Sam and Dean moved around our room leaning our mattresses against the windows while I watched over our fanged friend who was tied to a chair. I cracked my knuckles containing the urge to hit something, someone, anything to get my adrenaline back to where it was.

"Shouldn't she be awake by now?" I asked with a growl as I paced in front of her. Time and I really weren't on speaking terms right now and patience really wasn't a virtue.

Dean grunted as he lifted the box spring and leaned it against the wall to muffle any sounds we made in the room. The blonde started coming to and blinked a few times before pulling against her restraints. "Oh, yeah, sorry. You're not going anywhere."

"Where's your nest?" I demanded, twirling my knife around in my hand.

She looked from my hand back to my face, "What?"

"Your nest, you know, the place you and your whores gather," I replied. Dean took a swipe at my knife but I moved just in time. Sorry, big brother, but we need answers and I need a rush.

"I don't know what you're talking about. Please! I don't feel good," she all but cried. Her whiney voice sounded like nails on a chalkboard.

Dean pressed her for information but honestly all I heard was blah, blah, blah, I'm a dirty fang. Answers weren't coming as quick as I'd like so while both brothers were concerned with her I walked off to the side. We still had some dead man's blood that we used to fill the syringes with so I dipped my knife in it before walking back over to the now freaking out vamp.

"Last time, bitch," I warned, keeping my knife hidden for the time being. "No more lies. Where. Is. Your. Nest?"

She let out another cry, "I'm telling you the truth. I'm just…I took something. I'm freaking out! I don't know what's going on! I can't…come down. I just want to come down."

"Sorry our panel of judges agree and that just wasn't the right answer," I stated sarcastically before running the knife over her arm causing her to scream out in pain.

Dean gripped my upper arm so tight he probably could have snapped it in half as he pulled me away from the girl. "What the hell is wrong with you? We don't torture people."

"She ain't a person."

"Wait, you took something?" Sam questioned the bitch as I ripped my arm out of Dean's grasp. "Alright, how about this? If you tell us what happened, we'll let you go."

She looked up at us hopefully, "You will?"

"Over my-" I started to object but Dean slapped his hand over my mouth.

"You need to chill out…right now," he growled in my ear. I tried to shrug him off again as Sam asked for the vamp's name but this time he wasn't letting go. "I'm serious, Leah, I'll tie your ass up next."

I huffed and nodded as he let his hand fall from my mouth. Sam urged Lucy to continue. Great, Sam, just because she has a name now doesn't mean I still won't chop off her pretty little head.

"Uh, I don't really…um, it's not that clear. I was at Spider the club on Jefferson and there was this guy buying me drinks." Yeah, because dressed like that you were in there for the music. I had to bite my tongue so she could finish. "He was old, like thirty. He had brown hair, a leather jacket…Deacon or Dixon or something. Said he was a dealer and he had something for me. Something new, 'better than anything you've ever tried', and he put a few drops in my drink."

"Well, genius move there," Dean muttered. "That was vampire blood he dosed you with."

"What?" she gasped looking at us like it was all some big joke. "You're crazy! He gave me roofies or something! No…the next thing I know we're at his place, and he says he's gonna get me something to eat, just wait. But I get so hungry."

Sam pulled Dean to the side probably deciding what they should do but that was the last thing I heard as I strode out the motel room door in search of this club. Find this Dixon/Deacon person, find the nest, and finish the job. I'd barely made it out of the parking lot before my phone started ringing.

I don't want to live, to waste another day. Underneath the shadow of mistakes I made. 'Cause I feel like I'm breaking inside. I don't want to fall and say I lost it all.

Ignore.

I flagged down a taxi and told the guy behind the wheel to take me to Spider. Just as we were pulling away my phone rang yet again.

I don't want to live, to waste another day. Underneath the shadow of mistakes I made. 'Cause I feel like I'm breaking inside. I don't want to fall and say I lost it all.

"Leah Winchester, hell's bitch, what can I do for you?" I got a weird look from the driver but I paid him no attention. Certainly, he's had worse people in the backseat.

There was silence on the other end for a minute before Dean found his voice. "Where'd you go?"

"I'm riding the highway to hell."

"Leah," he growled sounding more like my dad than I would ever admit.

"Sorry, I'm just dust in the wind."

He sighed loudly on the other end of the phone, "Leah Marie, I swear to God if you don't get your sarcastic ass back to this room…"

"You'll what?" I laughed. There was a time, no matter how brief it might have been, that a threat like that would have sent me running back to the motel with my tail between my legs. But now it was just an empty threat ever since I crossed the twenty year mark a few years ago. "I'll call you if I find anything. You and Sam take care of…" I trialed off remembering where I was and not wanting the driver to think I was some kind of deranged serial killer. "…Lucy."

I hung up before he could say anything else and shoved my phone in my jacket pocket. Thinking about it now, I should have brought some kind of weapon with me other than the small knife I had concealed. Oh, well guess I'll have to improvise.

The cab dropped me off as close as he could to the main entrance of the club and I paid him. An evil smile ghosted across my lips as I walked in the door after showing the bouncer my identification. This was a place I could have some real fun in. The whole place was black except the random splash of deep red accents, the strobe light flashed around the room, and the smell of liquor mixed with leather. The music wasn't upbeat like most clubs you'd walk into but the bass still reverberated in your chest.

I didn't have much to go off of; brown hair, leather jacket, and someone in their thirties, which unfortunately covered about seventy percent of the men here. I walked up to the bar and ordered a beer, thankful that I had decided to wear my leather jacket so I blended in better.

I was on my third beer when I'd given up on finding this guy tonight so I switched to shots of tequila. The tension was building inside of me and if I couldn't release it by hunting then I needed alcohol…and maybe a guy to take me home.

"Hey," I heard from behind me and I spun on my stool to face a guy who was littered in tattoos and piercings. "Haven't seen you here before, first timer?"

"Hardly," I replied crossing my legs and downing another shot without breaking our eye contact. He seemed interested and that was enough of a green light for me. I motioned to the bartender with a nod of my head, "buy me a shot?"

We had a couple more rounds with little conversation besides the occasional smirk or the obvious 'accidental' leg brush. That was fine with me, I wasn't looking for Mr. Forever only Mr. Right Now. I sent Dean a quick text to not wait up before turning my phone on silent. I looked over to my mystery man through my lashes and as I leaned closer to him he met me halfway catching my lips with his own. There were no fireworks, not even a spark, but it was just the distraction I needed as I rested my hand on his thigh to hold myself up. The taste of tequila was strong but it encouraged me to explore his mouth even more and I was pleasantly surprised to find out he had a tongue ring.

A small voice in the back of my head reminded me that we were working a case and I reluctantly pulled away for a moment, a little out of breath. "Name?"

"Trent," he replied and as soon as I knew it wasn't this Dixon/Deacon person I claimed his lips again. This time moving so I was straddling him on his stool.

"Well, Trent," I stopped to kiss and nip at his jaw line. "Looks like it's your lucky night," I worked my way down his neck as his hands found their way to my hips. "You got a place around here?" I rolled my hips against him and his fingers gripped into me harder.

Luckily, his place was only two blocks away or I might have pulled him into an alley somewhere. Kisses were stolen along the way but they were feverish and begging for more. The moment we were through the threshold and the door was closed I was pushed up against it his hands immediately working the button of my jeans while I clawed at his shirt. I couldn't help the gasp that escaped as his hand slid over my underwear and started massaging my mound. It was exactly what I needed, for my mind to go completely blank, and to focus solely on the task.

"Someone likes that," he purred in my ear. I almost moaned, almost told him just how weak my knees became when he did that, but I also needed to stay in control so instead of answering I pushed him towards the futon that was along the wall.

Our pants were quickly forgotten as he sat on the couch undressed from the waist down. I straddled him much like I did at the club but this time there was no clothing separating us. My hands rested on his shoulders as he guided me to the speed he wanted until we were both close to falling over the edge. He thrust his hips two more times before my head fell back with a satisfied scream.

SUPERNATURAL

"I'm telling you," I groaned as I walked into Spider the following night this time with both brothers. "I was here last night and didn't see anything."

"Kind of hard to do your job when your tongue is down someone's throat," Dean sneered.

Sam stepped between us before we could continue, "Let's just take a look around. We'll meet back at the front in twenty minutes."

Dean grumbled a response as he headed off to the right and wanting to be as far away from grouchy as possible; I veered to the left leaving Sam standing there all alone. The crowd was just as interestingly dressed as the night before and I found myself wanting to find someone that could give me the same thrill of rough, raw, no feelings attached, sex. I half hoped that Travis… Timmy… whatever his name was would show back up and we could go for a round two. Instead I found myself gravitating towards a guy who was all alone leaning against the far wall just watching the people around him. He didn't have any visible tattoos or piercings but there was something I couldn't quite put my finger on that was drawing me to him.

"Buy me a drink?" I questioned when I got close enough, slightly tilting my head to the side to catch his eye. He didn't respond and usually I would have walked away and tried with someone else but I wasn't going to give up that easy tonight. Something about the way he was standing and the look in his eye told me he'd be able to give me the rough sex I was so desperately craving. "C'mon," I bit my bottom lip. "You're not going to make a girl beg, are you?" I took a step closer so that I was standing in between his legs and leaned closer so I could whisper in his ear. "I'll take you higher than you've ever been before and you'll be begging for more."

"You have a name, sunshine?" he questioned, his voice deeper than I expected.

I smirked and nibbled on the piece of skin where his ear connected with his neck giving him a preview for later, "It certainly isn't sunshine." I kissed the spot before moving down an inch, "Name's Leah." I drew circles with my tongue on his neck. "You?"

"Noah." I hummed an acknowledgement as my fingers hooked his belt loops pulling myself closer. "You don't seem like you need a drink to me."

"I guess I-" I started to tell him that I could skip the alcohol as long as he had a place nearby when I felt a hand on my arm ripping me away from Noah. I turned to punch whoever it was in the face until I saw that it was Dean and even then it only faltered me for a minute.

He saw it coming though and caught my fist before it could connect with his jaw. His anger than got directed to the guy still leaning against the wall. "Keep your hands off my sister."

"Hey," Noah spoke up as I pulled myself out of Dean's tight grasp. "She came onto me."

In the millisecond it took me to blink Dean had punched him in the face and by the time I could register what was happening Sam had made his way over to three of us. He grabbed the back of both our jackets and pushed both Dean and I out of the club before the bouncers threw us out.

"This," Sam shouted letting go of us when we were out on the sidewalk. "This needs to stop."

"She's the one who…" Dean started mumbling but trailed off. He hit Sam in the stomach with the back of his hand to get his attention before pointing across the street. "Hey, check it out."

We followed his line of sight to see a thirty something man wearing a leather jacket guiding a blonde girl down a nearby alley. Well, at least I've got sneakers on this time and I'll be able to get my high from hunting. A car drove by and then we jogged across the street in the direction the couple just went.

Just as we rounded the corner the man held up a dropper, "You ready, sweetie? One taste of this, you'll never be the same."

"Oh shit," I cursed surprised that the blonde vamp from the other night was actually telling the truth.

My cursing was the only distraction Dean needed and the second the man looked to see who was around he tackled him. Sam swooped in like prince charming and made sure the girl got to safety. I went to help Dean but the vamp suddenly whipped around and I got tossed to the ground landing on my ass and splitting open the palm of my hand on a piece of glass. He hurled Dean into the brick wall before taking off down the alley.

"Son of a bitch," I growled as I got to my feet and brushed my pants off, holding my left hand close to my body so my brothers wouldn't stop their pursuit. With any luck the smell of blood would only help us.

Sam came back and made sure Dean was alright, "I'm good. Come on."

The three of us started running down the alley but as we rounded the corner we were met with something I was not expecting. No vampire but two hunters with their guns aimed at us.

Are you kidding me right now? The last time I saw this asshole he was shooting at us, guess he didn't have enough because that's right, Gordon was back along with some sidekick. Sam grabbed my arm and pulled me behind a dumpster with him and Dean.

"Alright," Dean took a deep breath, "Run. I'll draw them off."

"What?! You're crazy!" Sam exclaimed but it was no use Dean was already dodging bullets trying to draw the attention away from us.

I gave Sam one look, "I'll meet you at the motel."

I didn't give him a chance to answer before I got up from behind the dumpster with my .45 drawn. I got a few shots off but Gordon was quick to squat down behind a random car and his sidekick is no where in sight. I figured he must have gone after Dean and I felt a little better knowing that it isn't two against one, for either of us. I kept my ears trained, listening for any steps Gordon may be taking but I quickly glanced over to where Sam was hiding to see him standing with his mouth hanging open.

He was ignored as I made my way closer to where Gordon had crouched down but when I crept around the car he was gone.

SUPERNATURAL

Sam and I were back at the motel for an hour sitting on pins and needles as we waited for Dean to get back. I was about to go out and look for him when he strolled through the door like it was just any other day.

"There you are!" Sam sighed in relief, sitting down in one of the chairs for the first time since we'd gotten back. "Nice move you pulled back there, Dean, running right at the weapons."

"Yeah," I scoffed tightening the bandage I had on my hand to revel in the pain a bit, "'Cause you know that was a bright idea."

Dean leaned against the table and crossed his arms. "Now you know what it feels like when your sibling runs off and you don't know where they are."

"If you're talking about last night, I sent you a text and told you I wasn't coming back. I didn't run off, Dean, and the day I turned eighteen you lost any right to tell me where I could go and what I could do. Not that you really ever had the right to anyways."

Dean shook his head with a scowl on his face, "You don't want to be here?" He outstretched an arm to point to where he's just walked in, "There's the door. Don't let it hit you in the ass on the way out, sweetheart."

"Stop!" Sam hollered shifting forward in his seat so his elbows rested on his knees. "We have enough on our plate right now without you two being at each others' throats." Dean and I didn't break our little stare down that we seemed to be having at the moment. Sam sighed and shook his head, "Right…anyways, it's bad enough that Gordon is out of jail but how did he know where to find us?"

Dean kept his hard stare on me until a look of pure rage washed over his face, "That bitch!"

"I didn't do shit!" I argued, grabbing the closest thing next to me which happened to be a roll of socks and chucked it at his face which he easily batted away.

He made a face as he dialed a number on his phone and waited for the person to pick up. "Hi, Bela." Damn, I knew that kick-ass-jacket-wearing bitch would come back to bite us in the ass one day. "Question for you. When you called me yesterday, it wasn't to thank me for saving your ass, was it?" He paused for a moment as she replied. "Excuse me?" This was going to be a long night of tempers. "I don't know, maybe pick up the phone and tell us that a raging psychopath was dropping by!" At least now his anger was directed at someone other than me. "He tried to kill us!…There were two of them… Bela, if we make it out of this alive, the first thing I'm gonna do is kill you." Yup, definitely not mad at me anymore. "Listen to my voice and tell me if I'm serious."

SUPERNATURAL

"Are you sure this is the right one?" I questioned with a sigh as Dean parked the Impala next to an abandoned warehouse. "Bela's directions weren't exactly clear."

Apparently, she got nervous that Dean would make good on his threat and with some help from her talking board or whatever she uses to communicate with the other side she got us some information. However, she wasn't too specific. An address would have been nice but instead we got four clues; warehouse, two stories, river front, and neon sign outside. It was better than nothing but when you have Dean Winchester basically promising he will kill you, you'd think we could have gotten more.

"You got somewhere better to be?" Dean asked as he shoved the keys into his jacket pocket.

I double checked my clip before hitting it back into place, "Nope, I want to put a bullet through that mother fucker's head."

Sam had been surprisingly cooperative. I'd expected some big speech, no, we can't he's human, it's wrong, but instead he had agreed full heartedly that Gordon needed to die. I guess after being sought out to be killed it changes your mind on a few situations. Either that or Sam was getting pointers from another little blonde bitch. Ruby was still on the top of my to-do list of demons to be taken out.

We entered the warehouse and cleared the first floor. I was almost starting to think Dean had the wrong place until he found a set of stairs leading us down to another level. My gun was raised and ready for anything as we took each step carefully. It was amazing how easily we fell into position when fighting; Dean slightly in front of us, me in the middle, and Sam watching our backs. I could have brushed it off that it was the way we were trained to sweep a building but I think it said more about our character as individual people than anything else. Dean would sacrifice himself mentally and physically for Sam and me so that no harm would come to us. Sam, though not always agreeing with our decisions, had our backs making it known that you were never alone. Then there was me, forever in the middle, ready to throw my own life down on the line and fighting anyone who dared to mess with my brothers. A perfect, slightly awesome, mix of them both.

When we got to the bottom of the stairs, I couldn't help but be disappointed in not seeing Gordon there. There was the vampire that had attacked Dean and me in the alley on his knees in front of two beheaded girls that were still hanging from shackles. I kept my gun trained on him while Dean quietly picked up a large knife from a nearby table.

"Go ahead," the vamp spoke up without moving from his spot, "Do it. Kill me."

Sam circled around him carefully, his own gun raised just in case as he walked closer to the two girls, "What happened here?"

"Gordon Walker," he replied in a monotone voice. He was known for specializing in vampires so it didn't surprise me too much, though I wished I could have been the one to behead them. "I never should have brought a hunter here. Never. I just…I just wanted some kind of revenge. Stupid…exposing him to my family."

"Oh, yeah you're such a family man," Dean scoffed, still keeping a firm grip on the knife he'd picked up.

The vamp got off the ground and I clicked the safety off of my gun almost willing him to try something. No, a bullet wouldn't kill him but he'd move a lot slower if his knee caps were blown out. "You don't understand."

"I don't want to understand you son of a-" Dean snarled but was cut off by the vampire.

"I was desperate. You ever felt desperate? I've lost everyone I ever loved. I'm staring down eternity alone. Can you think of a worse hell?"

The bitter laugh that escaped my lips brought both brothers' attention to me, "Well, there's hell. 'Cause it sounds like such an enticing place to be."

"I wasn't thinking. I just, I didn't care anymore. Do you know what it's like when you just don't give a damn?" I froze making sure I didn't move a muscle in my body, I was scared of even blinking that I would some how acknowledge that I knew exactly how that felt. "It's like…it's like being dead already. So just go ahead. Do it."

"Guys," Sam brought our attention back to the two lifeless bodies. "Head wasn't cut off, it was ripped off. With someone's bare hands." Damn, do you know how strong you'd have to be to literally rip someone's head off, even hyped up on PCP it still seemed pretty impossible. "What did you do to Gordon?"

Oh shit, that thought never occurred to me. If Gordon had been here to take out the vampires he would have waited around and made sure he got them all. He was a psychotic douche-bag that wanted us dead but he wasn't sloppy or a half-assed hunter.

"You turned him," I stated more than questioned and right before he was going to answer Dean swung the knife from behind.

SUPERNATURAL

After another thirty minute argument about me going off by myself the three of us spilt up to look for Gordon. I passed Spider in my travels and the music was almost like a siren's song drawing me in for another night of forgetting the world. I almost went in too but there was that little voice in the back of my mind telling me to head back to the motel room before either of my brothers sent out a search party for me.

I walked through the door to see only Sam sitting in the room alone, a look of relief washing over his face as I came in unscathed. A few minutes later Dean came in with just as much luck as the rest of us.

"Man, I must have checked three dozen motels, empty buildings, warehouses," he complained as he went in the bathroom to splash his face with cool water.

Sam nodded in agreement, "Yeah, me too. Big city. Le?"

"Apartment buildings, restaurants and a few bars but nothing either."

Dean snorted as he came out of the bathroom drying his hands on a small towel, "Surprised you even decided to come back with alcohol and boys so close at your finger tips." He threw the towel in my face and continued before I had a chance to respond. "It's like a giant haystack, and Gordon's a deadly needle."

"Hey, give me your phones," Sam held his hand toward Dean and me while he placed his own on the table.

Dean gave him a wary look as he took his phone out, "What for?"

"Well, if Gordon knows our cell numbers he can use the cell signal to track us down," Sam answered as he took the SIM cards out of both of their phones before smashing them. He then held his hand out for mine.

I scowled and crossed my arms over my chest, "No."

"Stop being a bitch and hand it over," Dean sighed, running a hand over his face in frustration. "We'll get new phones it's just for now."

I pouted thinking about my phone, my lifeline, being smashed to bits right before me. I knew Sam had a good point but this was my phone. A growl erupted from deep within me as I tossed it to Sam, "Fine, but you're buying me a new one…and it better have all the bells and whistles possible not some stupid flip phone that I can't even play games on." Sam rolled his eyes and I watched in horror as my baby was smashed before my very eyes.

Dean sat down at the table next to Sam and started sharpening his machete for when we do find Gordon. I couldn't wait though, I needed some kind of action; a boy, a hunt, liquor…not just sitting here with dumb and dumber.

"Alright," I got up from my chair and grabbed my knife off the floor. "I'll be back."

"What? Where are you going now?" Sam asked exasperatedly.

I grabbed my jacket and pulled my arms though the sleeves, "I'm going after Gordon."

"Excuse me?" Dean spoke up setting down the sharpening stone and his own machete.

I sighed as I flipped my hair out of my jacket, "I know you're old gramps but you heard what I said."

"You're not going out there alone. You're going to get yourself killed," Dean continued but he didn't know how on the nose he was hitting it. I wasn't sure I'd ever be able to pull the trigger myself but if Gordon did it, if he was the one to kill me then this would all be over with.

"You do realize I was out all day by myself and I came back without a scratch on me," I held up my arms for emphasis. "I don't need your permission to go I was just giving you the courtesy of letting you know I was leaving. He's not going to care if it's just little ol' me, he's after Sam. So, you stay here and watch over Shaggy and I'll go take care of Gordon."

"You're right, we have been looking all day so why do you think you'll be able to find him now?" Dean challenged.

I stood there for a minute trying to think of some sarcastic remark or even an actual answer but nothing came to mind.

Sam let out a deep breath as he slid his chair away from the table and ran a hand through his hair, "You wouldn't be doing this if dad was here."

Well this conversation just took a sharp turn to the right. Where the hell did that come from? "What?" I glanced over to Dean and his face was completely emotionless and unreadable.

"It's the truth, freckles," Sam continued and I thought back to the other night when Sam had told me the truth was always worth hearing. Now, I wasn't so sure when roles were reversed. "You're tail spinning. If you spend more than an hour sitting still you go out of your mind. I don't know what's going through that head of yours but you can talk to us."

"I'm fine, Sam," I tried my best to put as much conviction behind those three little words as I could but they knew me too well.

Sam shook his head, "No, you're not and I don't blame you with everything going on but it's like you've stopped fighting. Dad wouldn't have wanted this…any of this."

"Dad did it for Dean why couldn't I do it for you?" I questioned not breaking my eye contact with him even when they started to swim with emotion.

Dean looked between the two of us, "Is that why you did it? Because you thought that dad would have wanted you to?"

"I'm not having this conversation," I started for the door and had my hand on knob when Sam's voice stopped me.

"Enough, Leah, I see the smile you paint on every day. It might work for others but not us, not when I can see that it doesn't reach your eyes," he paused for a minute. "It's okay to be scared and you're scared, babe. You're scared because your year is running out, and you're still going to hell, and you're freaked."

"I'm not scared, Sam," I lied as I walked out the door and slammed it behind me.

I didn't know where else to look after searching the city all throughout the day so I wandered the streets aimlessly. My stomach growled and I realized I couldn't remember the last time that I had eaten so I walked over to the closest sandwich stand and stood in line. I had just taken my first bite when I felt a sharp prick in the side of my neck.

"Pleasure to see you again, Leah."

I tried to get away from Gordon but whatever he had injected me with was too strong and I found myself drifting off.

SUPERNATURAL

I groaned as I woke up but when I tried to move I felt my arms tied behind my back and a gag in my mouth to keep me quiet.

"I can hear it you know," Gordon spoke up making me whip my head to the side to see where he was. "The brave Leah Winchester is scared. Your heart is beating so fast. Thump-thump, thump-thump, what's wrong, Leah? Can't fight your way out of this one?"

I saw dried blood around his lips and the more I woke up the more I became aware of the bite on the side of my neck. I could only pray that he didn't bleed on me. Yeah, I was pissed that he not only got the jump on me and literally took a bite out of me but that I could deal with. Turning into a blood-sucking fang, not so much.

He pulled out a cell phone and dialed a number before putting it up to his ear, "Dean." No, no way are you going to make them come here. I fought against my restraints as hard as I could; the fibers cutting into my wrists. Gordon could do whatever he wanted with me, I was dead already, but not my brothers. "Where are you?... I'd rather you come to me. I mean us." There was a pause and I'm sure Dean was giving him some snarky response. "Here, Dean, say hi to your sister while you're on the phone," he pulled the gag out of my mouth and held the phone up to my ear.

"What are you talking about? What did you do to her?!" Dean's voice boomed on the other line.

I coughed from the gag being in my mouth from so long, "I'm fine, Dean. Don't co-"

I was cut off as Gordon shoved the gag back into my mouth and took the phone back, "Factory on riverside off the turnpike. Be here in twenty minutes or your sister dies." He snapped the phone shut and with his back to me chuckled, "Now, we wait."

I screamed every obscenity I could think though it did little good with the gag still in my mouth. When he walked over to me I involuntarily flinched thinking he was going to drink more of my blood but instead he pulled out a syringe and shot me up with some type of drug.

The next time I woke up I was no longer sitting in a chair but tied to a beam somewhere in the warehouse with Gordon no where in sight. In my hazed state every emotion I had been suppressing came out of me in streams of tears. I was crying so hard my chest ached, needing more oxygen but I couldn't get a deep breath with the gag still in place. That's when I saw them, my heroes.

"Dean, over here," Sam said as he ran over and crouched in front of me to take the gag out of my mouth while Dean worked on my hands. "Hey, Hey, we got you," Sam used his thumbs to wipe the tears from my cheeks. "Don't worry. We're gonna get you out of here."

As soon as my hands were free Dean helped me into a standing position and we started to make our way out but after a few steps I swayed on my feet, the drug still very much in my system.

Dean threw my arm over his shoulder and in an instant he was carrying me bridal style, "I've got ya." He shouted over his shoulder to Sam, "Stay close!"

I choked back my tears as I clung to Dean's shirt. Whatever, Gordon had given me, I never wanted it again. I had no control over my emotions whatsoever and every ounce of fear and doubt I had been feeling came out in more waves of tears.

"Is she alright?" Sam questioned from behind us when I hadn't stopped crying.

Dean tightened his hold on me and without looking down nodded, "She's fine."

He took a couple more steps before I heard a loud noise that made me jump. When I looked over Dean's shoulders I saw that a metal door had closed between where we were and where Sam was.

"Sam!" Dean shouted, carefully setting me down on the floor, before banging relentlessly on the door trying to find a way to open it. "Damn it, Sam!"

He took a few deep breaths like he was trying to form a plan in head and then went to pick me up again but I pushed him away. "No, leave me. I'll just slow you down. Go get Sam."

"I'm not leaving you here defenseless. You can't even walk," Dean argued and moved to pick me up but again I weakly pushed him away.

"Dean, please," I begged, my eyes still swimming in tears. "Gordon would have killed me already if he wanted to, he's had enough chances, he's after Sam. Go, please, go get Sam." He sat there with a set jaw for a few seconds before finally nodding and taking out the colt. "Just don't forget to come back for me."

He flashed me his infamous smirk and headed off to find another way to get to Sam. I nodded in and out of consciousness but every time I felt like I was slipping too far away I pressed on my wound, shooting pain through me. I don't know how long I sat there for but eventually Dean and Sam came walking around the corner. I let out a sigh when I saw Sam until I saw their own wounds; Dean looked like he'd gotten bitten as well and Sam had blood flowing out of his nose.

"You listened," Dean teased as he scooped me off the floor.

"Ha ha," I mocked with an eye roll, "I didn't have much of a choice." I already knew the answer by the way they both looked but I had to ask just to be sure. "Guys, what about Gordon?"

Dean let out a strained chuckle, "Sam charged a super-vamped-out Gordon with no weapon. That's a little reckless, don't you think?"

"Very," I agreed but curiosity got the best of me. "So then how'd he die?"

Dean glanced over to Sam and shifted me in his arms a bit, "Sam put barbed wire around his neck and pulled until it went all the way through."

"Oh," was all I could manage to say.

Living in the confines of fear wasn't an easy task but instead of dealing with it, I just added another thing to worry about to my list. What was going on with my Sammy and better yet would I be able to fix him before my time was up?